


Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing

by mlleflo



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood, Friendship, Graduation, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Love, Post-Break Up, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 223
Words: 233,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlleflo/pseuds/mlleflo
Summary: What would have happened if the writers of 13 Reasons Why actually tried to write a story respecting who the characters are ?I'm pissed off at so many things that happened during the last season of the show. The one that pissed me off the most ? - Well, outside of the first part of the finale and whatever the hell that was. - The way the writers used Jessica's character to help the story more than anything else.This is my rewrite of season 4 of 13 Reasons Why.Some things won't change, some things will.Beware of spoilers if you haven't watched season 4.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Jessica Davis/Justin Foley
Comments: 356
Kudos: 370





	1. Find the River

**Author's Note:**

> \- Every chapter title is going to be the name of a song I suggest you listen to while you read the chapter. It's mostly song from the show.  
> \- The story begins at the end of season 3 because I feel like there's a missing scene in the show and since it's my story I decided to ad it.  
> \- The first change with the show's storyline : Tyler's guns haven't been found. If you watched the show you know this doesn't lead anywhere anyway, so why bother?  
> \- I already wrote many chapters but I won't upload them all right away to give me some time in case I'm not inspired at some point. That way I can write at my own pace and you have something to read on a pretty regular basis anyway.  
> \- English isn't my first language so I'm really sorry for all the mistakes I'm going to make. I hope the story is at least understandable. If it's not, please let me know.  
> \- Everyone will be included one way or another but the story will be centered around 2 of them specifically : Jessica and Justin.  
> \- Diego and Winston will be a part of the story BUT not Estella. I like her but, again, she didn't bring anything to the story, so why would I include her ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : R.E.M. - Find The River

Jessica, Clay and Justin are sitting on one of Monet’s couch. For the first time, in a long time, it seems like everything could get better. Well, it seems, because all 3 of them are lost in their own thoughts at the moment.

Clay isn’t sure they did the right thing by framing Monty and he doesn’t really feel like he can share this with his friends. He doesn’t want to see Alex and Jess in prison either but still, it doesn’t feel right.

Justin is thinking of the discussion he had with the Jensen’s a couple of hours before and about the next discussion he was going to have to go through. As much as he is trying to enjoy the moment, he knows he has to talk to her at some point. He needs to come clean to Jess. He looks up at her. Her head is laying on his shoulder. She looks happy, and peaceful. He hates the fact that he’s going to be the reason her world falls apart, again.

Jessica feels Justin’s eye on her. She looks up at him. She could get lost in his pretty blue eyes for hours and hours. She gives him a gentle smile and playfully kisses his nose before laying her head back on his shoulder. She takes a deep breath. If only time could stop right there and then. She wouldn’t have to face what she was trying to avoid for what feels like weeks now.

Clay clears his throat. He knows Justin and Jessica should talk and he knows that if he doesn’t force Justin’s hand, even a little, he probably won’t have the courage to do it.

“ _I’m going to see if Tyler wants me to drive him home._ ” he says, before standing up and adding “ _and I won’t be back home for a few hours so you can have the outhouse for yourselves._ ”

Justin nods and Jessica looks at both of them while Clay starts leaving.

She turns back to look at Justin “ _Is it his way to let us know his bed is free for some fun ?_ ”She asks, raising her eyebrow suggestively.

Justin chuckles and shakes his head but his smile turns upside down rather quickly. Jess frowns, seeing Justin trying to find his words.

“ _No … um … actually I think it would be good … I mean … I think we should talk..._ ”

“ _Aren’t we already talking like, now, here ?_ ” Jessica cuts him of.

His expression is now very different that the one he had just seconds ago.

_Here we are_ Jess thinks _, of course things have to get_ _complicated_ _._ He takes her hand and stands up, inviting her to follow him. While she stands up Jess looks back one last time at the picture of Justin and her smiling in the hallway at school that Tyler took of them. Justin starts walking and she feels his arm pulling her out of the moment. She turns away and follows him. They wave their friends goodbye and leave the coffeehouse.


	2. All Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin tells Jessica he has been using again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Angelo De Augustine – All Your Life

Jessica is sittingon Justin’s bed. He is standing up and pacing between the table and the beds. He can’t seem to be able to calm down or find the right words to start this conversation. Jessica catches his hand while he walks in front of her for the fifth time and stops him.

She looks up at him.“ _It’s okay. Just, please, sit down and breathe._ ”

He takes a deep breath and sits down next to her. “ _I’m sorry Jess, I_ _._ _.._ ”

He looks into her eyes and shakes his head. He can’t look at her. He can’t disappoint her, again. “ _Justin, talk to me. What is going on?_ ” She tries to get him to look at her. “ _You can tell me anything, you know that right?_ ” she says, reaching to his cheek wit her hand.

He looks up at her, tears in his eyes. Jessica gives him a reassuring smile before rubbing her thumb on his cheek. He reaches to take her hand from his cheek and gives it a kiss before dropping their intertwined hands on his leg. “ _I haven’t stayed clean. I’ve been using again._ ” he finally manages to let out.

Jessica doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t even know if she should say something so she just waits for him to go on.

“ _I know it sucks. I’m sorry. I know it sucks that I’ve been lying to you and that I’ve let you down. I..._ ”

Part of Jessica feels like she should let him continue, let him talk, but the other part can’t stay silent when he says that. “ _You didn’t let me down._ ”

Justin looks at her, unsure of what she means. Jessica realize his confusion and so she continues “ _You didn’t let ME down. You let yourself down, probably, but not me._ _You don’t need to apologize to me._ ”

“ _I still feel_ _s_ _like I should. I lied_ _to you_ _and you deserve better than that. You_ _._ _.._ ”

“ _I love you_.” she says.

He’s thrown off by it and she continues “ _Justin, the only thing I want is for you to be happy and healthy._ ”

He nods, a tear falling from the corner of his eye. She squeezes his hand lightly, forcing him to look at her.

“ _How do we get you there? What can I do?_ ”

“ _I actually had a long discussion about it with the Jensen’s earlier today. They suggested a rehab center. They already found it a while ago when they first heard about my drug problem._ ”

“ _That’s good. I’m glad they are looking after you._ ” she says with a warm smile.

Justin doesn’t believe it. He was expecting to get yelled at or at least for her to be pissed at him but she isn’t. She’s just as supportive as she has been the past few months. He can’t refrain his smile. “ _You’re amazing._ ”

She blushes. He doesn’t understand how shy she can be with him, every time he gives her a compliment, but he finds it incredibly cute. She puts her forehead against his, looking in his eyes once again.

“ _and I love you too_ ” he adds before kissing her lips.

They stay like this a few more seconds. Their foreheads against each others, looking intensely in each others eyes.

“ _and you can keep doing what you’ve been doing. Being there. If I want to get through this I’m gonna need you by my side. You being there with me…_ ” he trails of, looking for the words. “ _It’s everything._ ”

It’s her turn to place her lips on his. He puts his hand in her hair and the kiss deepens. It could go on for hours. They could just keep kissing and kissing and forget the world around them but Jessica cuts it off.

She looks at him and with a serious tone she says “ _How does it work? Rehab._ ” He replies with the same serious tone “ _It’s a place about an hour from Evergreen. You stay there for_ _some time while being_ _treated by doctors and you go to therapy_.”

“S _o you’re gonna go right_?” Jessica knows it’s what he means but she needs him to say it. She needs him to say he’s gonna get help. Real help. Because she knows he needs it and not just for the drugs but for the trauma he suffered and never really addressed.

“ _Yeah, I’m gonna go. Lainie and Matt already made the call_.”

“ _So, when do you leave?_ ” she asks, worry of the answer.

“ _Tomorrow_.” as he says it, he sees Jessica's dissapointed look.

“ _I know it’s soon but this way I won’t be missing too much school weeks … and the sooner I leave, the sooner I can do this again_ ” He gives her a quick kiss. A little smile forms on her lips.

Once again she has to ask a question she knows she won’t love the answer to “ _How long will you be gone?_ ”

Justin knows the program lasts one month, but that is if everything goes smoothly, and when has anything gone smoothly in his life? But he doesn’t want to share his fears at the moment, not when she’s been so supportive, not when it seems like she’s already afraid? Sad? He can’t really tell but something seems off.

“ _It’s about a month so I should be back for Christmas._ ”

She nods, trying to find something to say, anything other than what’s going trough her mind at the moment.

Justin notices something is off “ _Hey, Jess. Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it._ _We can survive being apart for one month. We did it before._ ”

She chuckles. “ _Yeah, I hated your guts at that point so it wasn’t really hard._ ”

She doesn’t realize how bad it could sound before the words have already left her mouth. She’s stammering, trying to find what she could say to make it sound … well, not bad, but he interrupts her

“ _If it helps I can be a jerk with you don’t worry._ ” he replies playfully.

She laughs and he joins her. Jessica places her hands on the back of his neck and brings him in a hug. “ _Well, to be honest, every time you’re away from me it sucks. I’m afraid even being a jerk won’t work._ ”

He chuckles “ _Good thing I plan on staying by your side as long as you’ll let me then._ ”

Jessica’s smile fades. _If he knew would he still say that?_

Jessica stays over for dinner at the Jensen’s that night. It is hard to go home knowing she won’t see Justin again for at least a few weeks. Clay invites her to stay over when he joins them in the outhouse after knocking on the door really loudly and many times, making sure he wouldn’t catch them by surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the end of season 3. In the next chapter we dive in season 4.


	3. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin is in rehab while his friends begin to spiral in Evergreen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Beabadoobee - Tired

Jessica is sitting alone at Monet’s this time. She chose this table knowing she would have a nice view of Tyler’s photographs. She likes looking at them. Especially the ones of Justin. His smile is really the most beautiful thing she ever saw. She misses it. Justin has been in rehab for a little over 3 weeks. _1 more week to go…_ It turned out she isn’t allowed to visit him. Family only and... she’s not family. At least not according to the law. But Clay is and everytime him and his parents go visit him he comes back with a full report. Everytime she waits for him at Monet’s and he tells her how Justin is doing. She wishes she could call him or at least text him but they took away his phone when he arrived. No contact with the outside world, except for family visitations. So, once again, she is sitting alone at Monet’s, waiting for Clay’s report, looking at Justin’s face on Tyler’s photographs.

“ _He killed it right?_ ” Jess got startled by Charlie’s voice. Right next to him are Alex and Tyler.

“ _Tyler. All of this._ ” Charlie adds, pointing at the photos.

“ _He sure did._ ” says Jess, looking at Tyler with a warm smile.

“ _Can we sit with you?_ ” Tyler asks. “ _Sure_.” She takes her bag from one of the chairs next to her. The 3 boys sit down without a word. Jess senses the tension and the eyes on her. “ _What? What is it?_ ”

Alex sighs before responding. “ _Zach. He’s going to Luke’s tonight. Again. To party like’s there’s no tomorrow. Again._ ” Jessica shakes her head. Zach has been partying and drinking a lot lately and with Monty’s friends mostly which didn’t sound really wise.

“ _I can’t go tonight. I have my shift at the Crestmont._ ” Charlie says.

He has been going to all the parties the football players threw these past few weeks to keep an eye on Zach but they clearly need another plan for tonight.

The 3 boys stare at Jessica until she breaks “ _No. No. Are you serious?_ ”

“ _Come on Jess. You’re the student body president. You’re invited to all of their parties and we need someone to look after Zach. It’s not like they are going to invite me._ ” Alex jokes.

“ _I can’t. I’m not sure Zach would be glad to see me there anyway and don’t even get me started on the football team._ ”

“ _Well, they invited you right?_ ” Tyler asks.

“ _Yeah but I doubt they actually want me there. What am I gonna do all night at one of their party anyway? At least Charlie is friends with some of them._ ” she replied.

“ _It’s okay. I guess I can wait for Zach in my car outside the party. At least to make sure he doesn’t drink and drive._ ” Alex says.

“ _He would really do that?_ ” Charlie simply nods. Jessica is surprised it went that far. She just thought he was partying a little much. She didn’t think he was putting himself and others in danger. She gets lost in her thoughts. _Was Jeff drunk that night?_ She always wondered. It may have been the worst night of her life but at least she was still alive. Jeff didn’t survive her party. Clay’s voice jolts her from her thoughts. “ _Hey guys._ ”

Alex, Charlie and Tyler begin to leave the table, knowing well what Clay is doing here, but before they leave Jessica calls them “ _I’ll go. Tonight. Text me the info. I’ll keep you updated._ ” Charlie offers her a thankful smile and they go out the door.

When Jessica turns her head to Clay he’s already sitting in front of her, coffee in hand. She wonders when he came in the coffeshop. Was she that lost in her thoughts?

“ _What was that about?_ ” Clay asks, looking at the seats their 3 friends just left.

“ _A party at Luke’s tonight._ ” Jessica answers. She doesn’t tell him it’s about Zach because they haven’t told Clay about Zach’s risky behavior. He’s been trough a lot, mostly because of them all so they decided to keep him out of their trouble for now. He deserves a little peace and he clearly needs it. It seems like lately he hasn’t been doing that well. At least, as bad as she has, but that was another story.

“ _You’re going to a party at Luke’s?”_ Clay seems skeptical “ _I haven’t seen you at a party in like… forever?”_ Jessica chuckles _._

“ _Is Clay Jensen really criticizing my lack of social appearances?”_ Clay smiles. _She has a point._

“ _To be fair apart our Monet’s meeting about Justin and school you don’t seem to be doing a lot lately. Ani told me you’ve even missed a couple HO meetings.”_ Jessica knew Ani was probably going to tell Clay about this after her third missed meeting. She wishes she had prepared a lie for this. _It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is Justin’s recovery._

“ _I’m just surprised it’s a party at Luke’s that got you out of your house._ ” Jessica smiles.

“ _Zach wants to go but he doesn’t want to be alone there with the stupid football players and Charlie has work tonight so he can’t be his wing-man with the ladies. I figured an actual lady might help his game._ ” Did she go too far? Probably, judging by the look on Clay’s face. She might as well change the subject to what really matters to her right now. “ _How is he?_ ” This conversation always starts with these 3 little words. And everytime she asks this she feels a weight on her chest until Clay answers. “ _He’s pretty good_.” Like her question, Clay’s answer is always the same. It kinda makes her mad, like always. His answer doesn’t really say much. So she looks at him, until he says more. “ _He’s better than last time. He sleeps better. He looked more rested.”_ Jessica listens to his words carefully, always preparing for what might follow. “ _His therapy seems to be helping a lot. He finally opened up apparently. Whatever they meant by this. He still talks and asks about you way too much for my taste._ ”

Clay doesn’t like lying to Jess but he knows how much she loves him and he can see how worried she is. The truth is Justin doesn’t talk about Jess at all. He doesn’t really understand why. He asked how she was doing the first time they went to see him but that’s it. The second time they went to see him he mentioned Jess and saw Justin’s face crumble and he decided not to bring her name again in case it might make him sad or something but he expected Justin to talk about her or at least ask about her at some point but he never did. And today was no different.

“ _He’s doing good. They think he should be able to come home as planned._ ” Jessica takes a deep breath. At this moment she realizes she wasn’t actually breathing throughout Clay’s report. As always.

“ _So one more week?_ ” she asks. Clay nods “ _One more week._ ”


	4. Freeze Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica arrives at Luke's party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Death From Above 1979 - Freeze Me

Jessica's not really in the mood to go to a party, but here she is anyway. She just parked her car and is now walking towards Luke's house. She hears the music from the sidewalk. Clay was right. She hasn't gone to a party in a long long time. She didn't really have the best of experiences when it came to parties to be fair. For a few seconds she debates if she should go back to her car but she promised her friends she was going so she has to keep going. She opens the door and here it goes. She's at the party. No going back now. Her parents aren't home. Her dad is on a mission, somewhere in the world, and her mom has taken her brothers to visit an aunt. She knows there's no curfew tonight but she's mostly here to drive Zach home safely so no drinking for her. It's not like she wants to drink anyway ... or even could. She makes her way in the house, looking for Zach, the only person she probably likes at this party. While walking towards the back of the house she takes out her phone and texts one of the many group chat their friends have by now.

_Jess : At the party. I'll keep you posted once I find him._

_Alex : Thanks._

_Tyler : Tell me if you need a ride or something._

_Charlie : I'll try to stop by after work if I can._

She is about to put her phone back in her back-pocket when she receives a text.

_Alex : Be careful and text me if there's anything._

Jessica smiles. Alex and her may not be as close as they used to be but she is happy to know he has her back if needed. Before she can respond she hears what sounds like at least half the football team calling her. " _Davis! Jessica Davis_!" The sound comes from the kitchen so that's were she goes. When she enters the room the guys cheer like she's done something incredible by ... showing up? " _Davis! Davis! Davis!_ " She laughs. After all, maybe some parts of parties can be fun. Zach is there which makes her journey through the party looking for him pretty easy.

" _Hey Jess! Are you ready to paaaarrrtttttyyyy?_ " Zach asks her, clearly already drunk.

Jessica: " _Well I'm here aren't I?_ "

Luke: " _What is the president drinking tonight?_ "

Jessica: " _Nothing for now. I'm going to try to enjoy the party a little bit before reaching that state_ " She points at Zach.

One of the football player named Diego hands her a cup. She gives him a weird look. _Has she asked for that drink?_ " _Jeez it's not alcohol and it's not dosed either if that's what you're worried about_." She didn't even think of that before Diego mentioned it. She takes it, smells it anyway to make sure and once she's certain it's basic orange juice she accepts the drink. " _Thank you._ " " _You're welcome._ " he says while living the room with the other guys. Zach begins to follow them but she stops him. " _How much have you had to drink already?_ "

" _Oh come on, Charlie isn't here. I thought I was going to have fun without someone judging me for once._ "

" _I'm not judging. I'm just asking._ "

" _Is that why you're here? To babysit?_ "

" _No. I'm here to have fun. It's a party right?"_ Zach nods. He seems happy of her answer.

"... _and to make sure you have a ride home_."

" _I don't need a ride home. Diego picked me up and I'm staying the night so..._ " Jess looks at him. Not sure what to make of it. 

"... _So you can fucking relax and actually enjoy the party, you've been tense as hell lately."_

 _He's not wrong._ She let's out a laugh. As much as Zach has been fucked up lately it's actually nice to see someone at least try to enjoy the mess that is their life right now. " _Okay, okay, I promise I'll try._ " He bumps his cup against hers. " _But I'll stick to juice nonetheless._ " 

" _If it's your choice. But you should celebrate! Justin's coming back next week right?_ " She takes a second before asking. " _Did you talk to Clay?_ " He seems taken aback. " _No,_ _I try to talk as little as possible to Clay._ _Justin_ _told me_ _._ " 

She's lost. _Is Zach that drunk or did he really just said he talked to Justin?_ _How could he have talked to Justin?_ She doesn't want to seem so surprised so she asks the first thing that comes through her mind. 

" _When did you talk to him?_ " He seems to be thinking about his answer for a while. 

_Is he that drunk or did he reveal something he shouldn't have?_


	5. Do I Wanna Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica learns an upsetting news about Justin and sympathizes with a member of the football team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Artic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?

“ _I talked to him yesterday. It was his phone privilege day of the week. Why?_ ”

So Justin could have called her or at least texted her. But he didn’t. She wondered why. She wondered why he didn’t tell her he had his phone back. Or did he have his phone all this time? Once again, she’s lost in her thoughts.

“ _Why?_ ” Zach asks her again.

“ _No, of course it was yesterday. Yesterday was his phone privilege day after all, right?_ ” Zach is too drunk to understand the sarcasm. 

“ _So you know what we should do next week?_ ” She looks at him, totally unable to see where’s he’s going with this. He waits for her to get to the answer and when she doesn’t he does it himself. “ _We should throw a party! For Justin. When he comes back._ ” 

A few minutes ago this idea would have seemed like such a good one but now she wondered why she should celebrate. “ _Sure. We should definitely throw a party._ ” Zach, happy with her answer, bumps his cup against hers once again “ _Nice!”_ After that he leaves the kitchen. Her smile fades as soon as she’s alone in the room. 

Her eyes wanders to the bottles on the table. She doesn’t really like to drink. It was a coping mechanism she used a while back once she started to remember the night of her party. It kept the memories away. At one point she was drunk basically everyday, all day. Since then, she didn’t really liked to drink but at this moment, in this kitchen, alone with all these bottles in front of her, it feels like the one thing that would keep her from finally loosing her mind after everything that happened the past few months. Who was she kidding? The past few years. She takes a deep breath. _You can’t do that Jess, come on, you know that right_ _?_ She shakes her head and decides to join the crowd in the living room instead. 

Once she gets there she’s certain she’s become insane because why would there be someone wearing a Hillcrest varsity jacket in Luke’s living room? She turns her head to the front door where a couple of guys enter the house. They are also wearing the iconic purple Hillcrest varsity jacket. Her hands begin to shake. Her heart starts beating faster and faster. 

“ _Are you okay?_ ” She turns her head to see Diego right next to her. “ _Yeah. I’m fine._ ” He sees her looking at a group of boys. “ _After the assembly we played ball with some of the Hillcrest kids, just for fun. They’re not all that bad it turns out._ ” Diego explained. Jessica was thankful at this moment that Diego confirmed to her that she was not having an hallucination. “ _I guess so yeah… As the student body president of Liberty, I guess I’m a little bit disappointed to see that the team is making friends with the enemy._ ” “ _Aren’t you all about people coming together or some shit?_ ” Jess looks at him, confused. “ _Some shit?_ ” Diego laughs. “ _I didn’t mean to offend you Mrs President._ _I guess it’s a cool thing you did at the assemble. It brought us together._ ” She chuckles. “ _Well, I didn’t expect it to bring us together to party, but I guess it’s something?_ ” He looks at her empty cup. “ _Speaking of partying, ready for something a little bit stronger?_ ” She knows she shouldn’t but she’s tired of having to explain herself, everywhere she looks she sees this fucking Hillcrest purple jacket that haunts most of her dreams, Zach doesn’t need a ride home, she doesn’t live that far and could easily walk home and … she hasn’t seen Justin in weeks and apparently he’s choosing not to talk to her. 

She would definitely be happy with keeping the memories at bay again tonight. She nods and follows him in the kitchen. “ _So, what’s your poison?_ ” “ _Surprise me._ ” she simply responds. “ _Really?_ ” He seems shocked she might just drink anything he chose. He fills half her cup and hands it to her. “ _Let me know what you think._ ” She drinks the whole thing all at once like if it was a shot. He looks at her with surprise. “ _Wow. Jessica Davis really is here to party._ ” 


	6. Wild In The Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica meets a new friend at the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Circle Jerks – Wild In The Streets

Only a few minutes have passed since Jessica emptied the second cup Diego made for her. She’s already regretting having drank it. After finding an excuse to ditch the boy she makes her way upstairs, looking for a bathroom. Luckily, it’s empty. She enters, shuts the door and runs to the toilet. She’s leaning on top of it, wondering if it’s even gonna change anything but before spiraling once again she puts her fingers deep inside her throat until she’s able to throw everything up. She then sits on the cold ground of the bathroom, her knees against her chest, the music coming from downstairs buzzing in her hears. 

_What now?_ Does she go back to the party? Does she run to her car and drives until she arrives at the rehab center and begs until they let her talk to Justin? She shakes her head. How pathetic is she she right now? Justin wouldn’t probably even want to see her after all. Was that a lie, when he said he needed her by his side? Why is she regretting drinking that cup? What would even be consequences of her drinking tonight? Would it change anything, really? 

She stands up, her mind made. She is going to have fun tonight. Maybe Zach is right, _fuck it all_. She makes her way back to the kitchen. What will her poison be tonight? She grabs the first bottle in front of her and fills her cup. She takes a sip when someone approaches her.

“ _Jessica Davis? I have to say I’m a huge fan._ ” She’s surprised by the brunette boy who’s leaning against the door frame. He holds out his hand to her. “ _Winston. I was at the assemble_.” She shakes his hand. “ _So,_ _I’m guessing_ _you’re_ _an_ _Hillcrest_ _boy_ _?_ ”

“ _Not for long. I’m thinking of joining Liberty next semester._ ”

“ _Why would you do that? You’ve got friends at Liberty?_ ”

“ _I wouldn’t actually call them friends but I have a few acquaintances. Clay Jensen, Ani Achola, Alex Standall..._ ” Jessica is surprised. How was it possible? She’s not that close to Clay so okay, maybe she doesn’t know about him but Ani and Alex?

“ _How do you know them?_ ”

“ _Ani and Clay seemed really upset by Bryce’s murder and they came to me digging for some information._ ”

“ _What information did you have?_ ”

“ _Oh, so I see you’re as interested as they were?_ ”

“ _Not interested, just curious._ ” She sees him getting suspicious.

“ _I’m curious too. I feel like there’s so many things we don’t know about, yet._ ”

“ _I guess we’ll never have t_ _he_ _whole story._ ” she says, trying to end this conversation and changes the subject “ _And Alex, how do you know him?_ ”

“ _I met him at a party. He was actually hanging out with Bryce and Monty that night. Crazy considering everything right?_ ” Jessica feels her heart beating almost out of her chest. What does he mean by that? Does he know?

“ _Well, parties are always crazy in a way don’t you think?_ ” she asks as detached as she can

“ _I guess. Anyway, I can’t wait to join Liberty. I’m impressed with what you’ve done, at the assemble, and with your group, HO right?_ ”

“ _Yeah, Hands Of. It was hard at first but I feel like we’re actually starting to make a real change now._ ”

“ _Well, sign me up. Boys are allowed right?_ ”

“ _Sure. We would love for you to join us. The more allies we have the stronger we get._ ”

Winston nods. He’s not really an ally but now’s not really the time to get into this. He tries one last thing to see her reaction.

“ _It’s incredible to see what a group of people with a unifying trauma can do right?_ ” She nods, not sure what she can say to this when Zach enters the kitchen. “ _Time for a refill!_ ” he almost sings

“ _See you soon Jessica_ ” Winston winks at her, leaving the kitchen

“ _Tell me you’ve finally switched to something fun!_ ” he says, smelling the liquid in her cup “ _Tequila?_ ” She nods. “ _That’s what I’m talking about!_ ” He raises his hand for a high five. Jessica obliges with a laugh. 


	7. Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica is completely drunk. Luckily for her, the sweetest man on earth is coming to her rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Tove Lo - Habits

Jessica is sitting on the couch with a couple of people. She’s not really taking part of their discussion. She is mostly keeping an eye on Zach who’s playing beer-pong on the dining table with the rest of the team. She raises her cup to her lips. _Damn it, it’s empty. Again_. She wonders how many of these she has drunk tonight. Not enough to keep the memories at bay it turned out, but way more than she probably should have. 

She stands up and heads toward the kitchen. She definitely had too many drinks. It becomes clear when every steps feels like the hardest thing to do without loosing her balance. She almost does when she feels hands helping her stand straight. 

“ _Charlie?”_ He is keeping her as straight as possible and helps her reach the kitchen. “ _What are you doing here?_ ” she says, holding the counter as not to lose balance.

“ _I said I might stop by after work and I’m glad I did because clearly the babysitter needs a babysitter. Now I understand why you didn’t keep us posted all night_.”

Jess feels guilty. She failed her friends, again. “ _I’m so sorry. I may not be very sober right now but I did try to keep an eye on him._ ” “ _Not very sober? Jess, you were barely able to walk from the couch to the kitchen._ ” 

“ _I know … I… Zach_ _is fine. He’s just enjoying a party. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about._ ” Charlie is surprised by it. After all, she’s the one who started to get worried when Zach begun going to all these parties and drinking that much. 

“ _Should we be worried about you too Jess?_ ” Jessica chuckles. “ _Cookies. I’m fine._ ” He doesn’t buy it and she can see that. _“Really. I’m great. You know what? I’m actually celebrating._ _Justin_ _’s coming home next week and_ _that’s just amazing right?_ ” Charlie nods. “ _Yeah, I heard he was coming back. That’s great._ ” Jess cannot help it. “ _Did Justin told you that?_ ” She looks at Charlie, not knowing what answer she would prefer to hear but before he can answer she grasps a bottle and drinks directly from it. 

Charlie just stands there, not having any idea what's going on. “ _It is great._ ” Charlie wished Alex was there. He’s not that close to Jess so he doesn’t really know what to do. She continues “ _So we’re going to throw a party for him._ ” “ _Sure. It’s a nice idea. I’m sure he would be happy with this._ ” “ _I hope so. Because we’re proud of him and we love him. He needs to know that._ ” “ _Sure_.” Charlie simply answers. 

She looks up at him with tears in her eyes. “ _He knows that right?_ ” Charlie doesn’t know Jess that much but he doesn’t need to to understand what she means so he tries to comfort her “ _I’m sure he knows and he’s going to be very glad to see that at the party._ ” Jess doesn’t answer. 

What can she say? She doesn’t want to sound needy but she is. She needs him. She needs him to know how much she loves him and how much she needs him, especially right now. 

Charlie breaks the silence that has build in the room. “ _How about I go get Zach and drive you both home?_ ” She shakes her head. “ _Zach’s sleeping here tonight. He doesn’t need a ride home. Well, at least it’s what he told me._ ” “ _Okay, so why don’t I get you home then?_ ” Jessica is about to agree when she thinks about Jeff. 

Before he left her house that night he had talked to Clay and said he wasn’t drunk but what if he lied? “ _Okay but I just need to talk to someone before I leave okay?_ ” “ _Do you want me to come with you?_ ” Charlie isn’t sure she’ll be able to make her way anywhere without someone helping her. “ _Yeah... I..._ ” She lets go of the counter she has been holding on to. “ _I’ll be okay. I’ll found you outside in a few seconds okay?_ ” “ _Yeah, okay. I’ll be waiting just outside the door okay?_ ” She nods and they leave the kitchen together before they part ways. Charlie is making his way to the door and looks back one last time to make sure Jess is able to walk on her own. He cannot say she seems fine but she’s still walking and has not fallen yet so she will probably be okay. 

Jessica makes her way to the beer-pong table. “ _Hey! Wanna play?_ ” an intoxicated Luke asks her. “ _No I’m good thanks. I’d like to speak with you actually._ ” she says, looking at Diego. He gives her a charming smile. “ _What can I do for you Jessica?_ ” He says, moving away from the group and approaching her. “ _Are you interested in another one of my remarkable drinks?_ ” She laughs. “ _Clearly not._ ” she says, showing her already inebriated state. “ _I see. What can I do for you then Mrs President?_ ” “ _Zach told me you drove him to the party. Is that true?_ ” “ _Why would he lie about that?_ ” “ _I don’t know. I’_ _m about to leave and I_ _just wanted to make sure he didn’t have his keys and would actually spend the night here._ ” Diego laughs looking at Zach chugging a whole beer. “ _I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t go that far anyway._ ” Jessica would like to be able to joke about this but history made that impossible. Diego goes on “ _Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he reaches the spare bedroom. What about you? You’_ _re_ _sure you’re okay to leave?_ ” “ _I’m not, but I have a ride home so I’ll be fine._ ” “ _Okay, well, I always keep an eye on my boys so he’ll be fine._ ” Jessica offers him a thankful smile and makes her way to the door after waving Zach goodbye, which he didn’t even pay attention to, too focused on his game. 


	8. I Saw You Close Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach gathered his friends at Monet's because he wants to throw Justin a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Local Natives – I Saw You Close Your Eyes

The whole group is sitting at the largest table at Monet’s. Ani, Alex, Clay, Jessica, Zach, Charlie, Tyler and Tony. Almost everyone is here. Zach called the meeting which took most of them by surprise. After the party, Jessica wished he had forgotten about this party idea but, as suspected, when it came to parties lately, Zach didn’t forget. She didn’t bring it up again after Luke’s party. Charlie hasn’t said anything and she hoped Zach wouldn’t either but here they are. She is happy Justin is coming home this week-end and maybe he would be happy that they threw him a party but a part of her wishes she could spend some quiet time with him. They have a lot to talk about.

“ _We all know Justin is leaving rehab this Saturday, so Jess and I thought we should throw_ _him_ _a party."_ Jessica sighs. _Damn it_ , now she can’t say no or turn down the idea. Clay looks at her. Does he see her doubt the idea? Maybe, with a little bit of luck, he’ll be able to tell it’s not what she wants. His gaze is fixated on her. 

“ _A party for someone coming out of rehab. Is that really a thing?_ ” Alex tries to joke. “ _Well, it could be more like a gathering than a party I guess._ ” Charlie ads. “ _Buzz-killers!_ ” Zach says, pointing at Alex and Charlie. Clay rolls his eyes. “ _We can do something simple at home, with_ _all of_ _us, and some pizzas._ ” 

Most of them are looking at Jess now. She hasn’t said anything yet and it doesn’t seem like her. Especially when it’s about Justin. “ _Something small and simple is okay._ ” Her answer doesn’t really impress them but Tyler speaks before they can keep staring at her, waiting for her to come up with ideas. “ _It could be a surprise party? I mean, you and you’re parents are probably going to drive him home after he gets out anyway no_?” he asks Clay. “ _Sure_ ” 

The two people who love Justin the most are the two less convinced by this party. Jessica knows something is wrong. She knows he hasn’t called her when he had the chance. Clay knows that as well. He knows Justin hasn’t called Jess and hasn’t even talked about her more than once. Neither of them want it to happen but the rest of their friends are too happy to organize something for their friend that they don’t notice. 

“ _We should definitely have some cake._ ” Tony says which leads to Alex giving him a fist bump. “ _Great idea._ ” “ _I can bake cookies._ ” Charlie says before Ani ads “ _What about decoration? We need something to decorate the room._ ” 

At this point Clay realizes it’s too late to change anyone’s mind so he suggests, looking at Jess “ _How about a banner? Like the one we made for Alex?_ ” Jessica understands there’s no point fighting it. If they throw a party for Justin she’s going to do her best to make it the best party possible. He deserves it. 

“ _I’ll take care of the banner and the decoration. Clay you’ll take care of Justin. Charlie you’re on cookies duty. Tyler you’ll bring your camera and take pictures._ ” “ _What am I doing? Drinks?_ ” Zach asks, feeling left out. Justin is one of his best friends and he wants to do something too. Charlie and Alex shoot him a sharp look. “ _You can do drinks Zach. All not-alcoholic, of course._ ” Jess winks at him. 

They all stay there talking about the party for about an hour before they start leaving. Tony leaves first, he has to work at the garage. Zach and Charlie follow, they have a team-meeting. Alex leaves with Tyler not long after that. They really became great friends lately which is good, but means Jess spends less and less time with her best friend. That leaves Ani, Clay and Jess and it gets awkward really fast before Ani breaks the silence. “ _Clay I actually need to talk to Jess. Can I meet you at your place later?_ ” Clay understands it’s her way of asking him nicely to leave the two of them alone. 

“ _Sure. I’ll see you later_.” He gives Ani a quick kiss on the lips before standing up and looking at Jess. “ _And … I’ll see you..._ ” He wants to say _Saturday_ _, at the party,_ because he’s clearly avoiding her as much as possible lately. It’s not fair and he knows it is but it’s because he cares about her. He doesn’t want to keep lying to her but he doesn’t want to share something Justin probably wouldn’t want him to anyway. He’s trapped. He’s been feeling trapped for years actually. This is just another problem, another secret he has to keep. “ _...when I see you._ ” Jessica smiles and does a little sign with her hand in response. Her and Clay have come a long way since the first time he sat next to her at a Monet’s table yet it’s funny to see how awkward he still sometimes is with her.


	9. Oh! Starving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani has something important to tell Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Car Seat Headrest – Oh! Starving

After Clay’s out of Monet’s, Ani takes a deep breath before asking “ _Are you okay? I expected you to be a little more excited._ ” Jessica smiles. She’s become really good at fake smiles. 

“ _I am_.” “ _Okay, or exited?_ ” Ani asks in a perplex tone. “ _Both. I am okay and I’m really exited to see him again._ ” 

It’s not entirely a lie. She really is exited to see him again. She’s been waiting for this moment for weeks but Justin being back also means she’s gonna have to finally have the discussion she’s been dreading to have with him. She sees Ani staring at her. 

“ _I guess it’s just a little hard to get exited until he’s actually out._ ” Again, no lie there. 

Part of her is always waiting for the next bad news and until Justin is officially out of rehab she’s gonna be afraid it won’t be true.

“ _Clay told me that he’s doing really good. He will be out Saturday, I’m sure of it._ ” Jessica hates it when people say things like that. You can’t be sure of anything, not until it happens. A while ago Clay convinced her that Bryce was _for sure_ going to pay for what he did to her. He never did. 

Before she let’s her mind think about that for too long she asks Ani “ _What did you wanna talk to me about?_ ” Ani takes a sip of her coffee before answering “ _You know my mom used to work for Bryce’s family?_ ” It seems not matter who she’s with, where or what she’s doing, she can’t escape Bryce. She nods.

“ _His grandfather died and Mrs Walker is selling the house. She’s leaving town._ ” “ _Okay..._ ” Jess has no idea where Ani is going with this. “ _My mom found another job but it’s in Oakland._ ” 

“ _So_ _when do you leave_ _?_ ” Ani is startled. “ _Well, if your mom leaves town I doubt she’ll le_ _ave_ _you here alone am I wrong?_ ” Ani nods. “ _I’m leaving next week. I tried to argue about it but there is no point._ ” Jess sighs. Another friend is leaving her. She feels like she’s becoming more and more alone. 

“ _But I’ll be here for the party Saturday and after that I’m sure you’ll enjoy having time to spend alone with Justin._ ” “ _Just because Justin’s back doesn’t mean I’ll be glad to see you go._ ” “ _I know and I’m sorry. If I had a choice you know I would have stayed with you. I’m not sure the high-school I’m going to go to in Oakland has as a badass_ _president_ _as you._ ” Jessica laughs. 

“ _I’m sad to see you go and I’m sure the group will be too_.” “ _The group?_ ” “ _Well, both group actually. HO and us._ ” she says pointing at the table where they all sat together just moments ago.

“ _And I’m sure both will be fine. They have you. You’re a great leader for HO … and a great mom to this group_.” Ani givers her a warm smile. Jessica’s smile fades quickly. She wouldn’t say she’s a great mom for the group. She hasn’t always been there for all of them. 

“ _How did Clay take it?_ ” She’s been worried about him for a while and this is something he probably doesn’t need right now. “ _He doesn’t know yet. I wanted to tell you first._ ” Jess doesn’t understand it and it shows. “ _I need you to promise me you’ll look after him. I need you in full mama-bear mode once I tell him_.” Jessica laughs but tears begin to fill her eyes. “ _I’m going to miss you. A lot._ _” “I’m still waiting for your promise.”_ Ani jokes. _”You have it. Of course I’ll look after him.”_ Jessica takes her hand in hers. 

“ _I guess I’ll have to find a new number 2 now. Any suggestion?_ ” Ani laughs. “ _Trust me Jess, you’re the strongest person I know. You don’t need a number 2._ ” 

Everyone sees her as this incredibly strong person and yes, it is nice, nicer than when everyone saw her as a victim but she feels that sometimes it makes it impossible for her to show any weakness or vulnerability and she feels like this right now. She has been feeling like that for weeks now; weak and vulnerable. She smiles, another fake smile she mastered by now. 

“ _To make up for l_ _ea_ _ving me, you’re going to help me clean up the outhouse for the party. Trust me, it’s a two person job._ ” “ _Deal._ ”


	10. Heatwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group is preparing for the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : LEAN – Heatwave (2020 Version)

_15 minutes_. 

Justin should be home in 15 minutes. The whole group is finishing setting up for the party in the outhouse. Only Clay is missing. He left with his parents to the rehab center a while ago.

“ _You two don’t know how to do this._ ” Tony says to Alex and Zach who are trying to hang the banner. 

“ _Why don’t you help us instead of criticizing uh?_ ” Zach answers

“ _At least tell us if it’s too high on the right_ _side_ _, like I’ve been telling Zach for five minutes!_ ” Alex tells Tony while shooting a mean look at Zach

“ _Come on man! You’re serious?_ ” Tony asks Zach

Zach shrugs. “ _It is?_ ” he says, looking at Tony and Alex who both respond with a nod

“Shit, _I guess I may have pre-gamed a little too much_.”

“ _Did you really drink before this?_ ” Charlie cuts in, interrupting his task ; placing the cookies he brought on a plate, he continues “ _A. It’s the middle of the afternoon and B. We explicitly discussed this was a dry party for a sober person_.” 

They all look at Zach with somber faces. “ _It’s still a dry party don’t worry. That’s why I drank_ _before_ _showing up._ ” Zach responds but it doesn’t seem to appease his friends. “ _You realize it’s a party right? You all look like it’s a_ _fucking_ _funeral_ _or … at least a really boring party_ _. Jes_ _s! H_ _elp me out here._ ” Everyone turns to look at her. 

She’s sitting on the couch. She’s not reacting so Tyler calls “ _Jessica_.” She looks at them, plastering another one of her fake smile on her lips. “ _What?_ ” She wishes she had paid attention before. 

“ _Zach’s drunk_.” Ani informs her. “ _I’m not drunk! I’m just… in a party mood._ ” Zach defends himself. “ _It’s okay._ ” She simply answers. “ _See_ _!_ ” Zach is clearly happy with that and everyone goes back to their tasks. 

Ani is really surprised by Jessica’s detached reaction. She’s been on everyone's back for the past few days, making sure everything was going to be perfect and now she didn’t even seem to care anymore. “ _Is everything okay?_ ” Ani asks Jess while sitting next to her. “ _Yes, everything is perfect. Thank you for your help._ ” She continues as she stands up and looks at all of them. “ _Thanks to all of you. You all did your part and I’m sure Justin’s going to be very happy to see all of you here and what you all did for him._ ” Before anyone can respond she makes her way to the bathroom. 

She closes the door behind her and she can feel her heart starting to beat faster and faster and her breathing becoming more and more difficult. She’s having a panic attack. She covers her mouth. She doesn’t want her friends to hear. She’s been doing okay these last few days ; planning the party and bossing her friends around took her mind of of everything going on in her life but now that the party is about to happen, it’s different. She no longer has anything to keep her mind occupied. Justin’s going to be here in 15 minutes. In 15 minutes she’ll be able to take him in her arms, to kiss his lips, to hear his voice and see his amazing smile but what happens after that? What happens once the party’s over and they have a discussion? The discussion. The one she’s so afraid to have but also the one she cannot avoid anymore. 

There’s a knock on the door. “ _Jessica, are you sure you’re okay?_ ” Tyler asks from the other side. She smiles. He really became a good friend to all of them. He’s now someone caring and loving. All the hate he had inside him just months ago has left. She doesn’t want him to worry so she responds “ _Yes. I’m alright. I’m just making sure I look pretty enough for my boyfriend._ ” She closes her eyes, hoping her lie has worked and when she hears Tyler’s footstep getting away from the door she takes a deep breath. She then looks up to the mirror in the bathroom. 

She dries her tears and makes sure her hair is okay. She realizes she actually wants to look pretty for Justin. “ _Okay guys, Clay said they are_ _less than 10_ _minutes away._ ” she hears Ani say. 

For the first time in a long time, a real smile forms on her lips. She can not even help it. No matter what happens, Justin is going to be by her side in a few minutes and at this moment, she can feel the butterflies in her stomach. At this moment, everything feels like everything might be okay.

_10 minutes_


	11. I Will Be Back One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin is on his way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : I Will Be Back One Day – Lord Huron

_10 minutes._

Justin is now 10 minutes away from home. He is sitting in the back of the Jensen’s car, Clay is by his side. He is happy but he can’t help feeling nervous. Rehab was good. He feels way better, physically at least. He finally feels like he could beat this addiction. He has, for now at least. 

He is nervous to go back to Evergreen, to go back to his life, to go back to her. He wonders when he’s going to see her. Is she waiting for him at home? Is he going to have to go meet her at her place? 

“ _Boys, we just have one stop to make okay?_ ” Lainie says, smiling, looking back from the front seat at him and Clay. 

The car slows down and Matt parks in the street then him and Lainie go out, leaving Justin alone with Clay. 

Clay has barely said anything to him since they got in the car in the first place, until now “ _How do you feel?_ ” “ _I’m… I’m okay. It just feels weird being out of that place after weeks._ ” Clay looks at him like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t so Justin asks “ _Have you talked to Jess about me? … I mean, about me coming back?_ ” Clay looks at him, unsure of what to say so Justin ads “ _What is it?_ ” “ _What? Nothing, why?_ ” “ _Come on man, I know there’s something you’re not telling me._ ” 

Before Clay has no other choice than to respond, Lainie and Matt are back, with a lot of pizzas. Way more than needed for 4 persons. 

_Shit_. Justin looks at Clay and he looks back at him. They don’t even need to talk to understand each other. All Clay has to do is nod and Justin understands. 

He’s not going home to an empty house or to Jess but to way more people than he expected. Part of him is happy, it means he has people who care about him, him being back and he won’t be alone with Jess right away. The other part knows he’s going to have to wait to have a serious discussion with her. The one discussion he rehearsed the words to for the last couple days, imagining every possible scenario. He is afraid spending time with her before being able to have this particular discussion will make him question his decision in the first place, will make him doubt everything and even forget why he took it in the first place. 

He looks at the road. In 5 minutes seeing her may change everything he thought he wanted. 

_5 minutes._


	12. Ophelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin is finally back from rehab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Lumineers – Ophelia

Everyone gathers under the banner. Clay texted them to let them know they are arriving. 

“ _Shit. Do we say something when he enters or…?_ ” Zach asks looking at his friends. 

The door opens. Everyone shouts “ _Welcome home!_ ” and they clap. Justin smiles. He’s surprised his friends have taken the time to actually organize something for him. He has to refrain himself when he sees his beautiful girlfriend standing by his bed. All he wants at this second is to run to her, take her in his arms and kiss her. But he doesn’t. He smiles politely at everyone. 

“ _Wow. Thank you guys. It’s really kind of you._ ” Then he proceeds to greet everyone, starting with Tyler who is standing the closest to him. Jessica looks at him from afar. Her heart melted the second he smiled. He really looks different from the last time she saw him. Happier? Healthier? Probably both. 

“ _Thanks for telling me you decided on “Welcome home” by the way_ ” Zach whispers to her. Without lifting her eyes from Justin she whispers back “ _Sorry. That was payback for showing up drunk._ ” He nudges her and walks up to Justin to say hello as well. 

Justin has now said hello to everyone in the room except Jessica. For the first time since he entered the room, they lock eyes. They both begin to walk to reach one another. When they are finally standing just inches apart they both stop. They are moved just by the fact they are simply standing in front of each other right now and they have big smiles on their faces despite the tears in their eyes. “ _Hey Jess._ ” “ _Hey Justin._ ” Jessica wraps her arms around his neck and brings him into a tight hug. He can’t help but bring his hands to her hair. He missed her smell and her warmth. She missed the feeling of his skin against hers.

They stay like this a few seconds before Justin takes a step back. He looks at her and says “ _You look amazing._ ” “ _So do you._ ” She responds while closing the distance between them once again and places a gentle kiss on his lips. If they would be alone right now the kiss would probably never have stopped and the discussion they have both planned would be forgotten so quickly but they aren’t and Alex has apparently decided to remind them “Yo, _Romeo and Juliet, what pizza do you want?_ ” 

“ _It’s Sid and Nancy._ ” they both say at the same time before they look at each other and start laughing. “ _Come on, let’s eat Sid._ ” Jessica pulls him to the table and their friends. 

Matt and Lainie quickly leave the party after giving a small toast to Justin’s recovery. They all spend the rest of the afternoon playing stupid games and talking about silly stuff. For now, everyone is happy and having fun. 

_For now_ _._ _.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to wonder if I should change the way I do things. I liked the idea of having one song / one title / one chapter but that leads to pretty small chapters. I'd like your opinion on this. Do I keep publishing small chapters like this with songs or should I publish longer chapters but give up the song idea ? If you want longer chapters, just know I won't publish as often as I do now. I'd also love to read what you think about the picture I include in every chapter. Do you like it or does it bother you? Anyway, thanks for those of you who decided to give this story a chance. Feedback is always welcome <3


	13. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica and Justin are finally alone. Which one of them will have the courage to talk first?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Talk - Kodaline

Clay, Jessica and Justin are sitting on the couch. Everyone else has left. It feels like they’re back to where they were a month ago. The three of them sitting in a couch, lost in their thoughts, trying to enjoy the quiet of the moment. This time Jessica breaks the silence. 

“ _Could you give us a little privacy please?_ ” Clay nods and starts to leave. Justin wants to scream his name to stop him from leaving but he knows there’s no escaping this. He has do it. This is the moment he has to break Jessica’s heart, again. 

As soon as Clay closes the door behind him she starts _“I’m really glad you’re back.”_ She smiles at him but he immediately stands up, afraid she might kiss him or hug him again, which would make this even more difficult. Jessica’s heart sinks. She can see he’s trying to get away from her. 

She looks at him while he decides to go sit on his bed. He points to Clay’s bed. He wants her to sit there. He doesn’t want her next to him. He wants to keep his distance. She makes her way to the bed and tries to speak before he can say anything “ _It seems like you really feel better which is good because..._ ” “ _We can’t be together Jess._ ” She’s glad she made her way to the bed because her legs don’t seem to be able to carry her weight anymore and she just sits there. Lost. They both look at the ground between the two beds. She looks up to catch his eyes but he’s still looking at the ground.

“ _You’re breaking up with me_?” Her voice is cracking. He doesn’t have the strength to respond so he nods, knowing she’s looking right at him.

“ _Why?_ _Why now, after everything?_ ” Part of him wants to tell her the truth, the true reason why he’s doing this but he knows it’s even worse than the lie he’s giving her “ _I had a lot of time to think about this in rehab and I realized this isn’t right._ ” “ _What isn’t right? Us_ _being together_ _?_ ” “ _Yeah._ ” He answers in a whisper, hoping the conversation could end there. He’s afraid that if he keeps talking he’s just gonna break in tears.

“ _Why? Why wouldn’t it be right?_ ” He shakes his head, not being able to find an answer. “ _Why are you pushing me away again? I thought you said you wanted me by your side._ ” Jessica is crying now which makes it even more difficult for Justin to find the right words. “ _I did. I … I did._ ”

“ _But you got better and now you don’t need me anymore?_ ” This is good. She’s starting to get angry. She has a reason to be mad at him. If he plays this right, she will left hating him which is exactly what’s best for her right now. 

“ _To be honest I’m not sure I do, no. Now that I’m okay, I feel like maybe us being together is not what I need, not what I want._ ” He prays this is enough. Enough for her to leave the room and slam the door on her way out but he doesn’t expect her response to break his heart like it does. 

“ _What about me? What if I need you?_ ” For the first time since the beginning of the conversation, he looks up at her. She has tears falling on her cheeks. The only thing he truly wants right now is to take her in his arms and tell her everything is going to be okay but it’s a lie so he should continue with the lie he’s already telling. The moment the next words leave his mouth he knows it’s over. He knows there won’t be any going back possible. 

“ _You deserve someone who truly loves you and … I’m not sure I do anymore._ ” She freezes. He doesn’t love her anymore? She feared things could go wrong once she would have told him what she wanted to, but this, this is worse than anything she ever imagined. She shakes her head, she doesn’t believe it. She makes her way to sit in front of him and tries to take his hand but he stands up as well and makes his way to the table. 

“ _I think you should go now._ ” She stands up and tries to reach for his arm. “ _Justin. Please._ ” She’s begging him for an answer, for anything. He takes another step back. “ _It’s over Jess._ ” He looks straight at her while saying this. Her jaw drops and she looks back at him, trying to find something in his eyes that maybe he’s not saying, but he doesn’t show anything. 

“ _A long time ago you said you wanted us to be together, forever._ ” A knife to his heart. 

“ _And you wished me dead. People change Jessica._ ” A knife to her heart. 

They are now both standing in front of each other, just like they did a few hours before. 

“ _Goodbye Justin._ ” Jess says bitterly. “ _Bye Jess_ _ica._ ” he responds as coldly as possible before turning her back on her. Another tear fells from her eyes and makes it way along her cheek before dropping to the floor. She leaves.

_Finally_ , Justin thinks when he hears the door being shut. Finally, he can let it out. He breaks down crying. He walks to the table and throws everything there is on top of it to the ground in one motion before falling to his knees and burying his face in his hands. _10 years_

Once out the door, Jessica runs to her car. She doesn’t want any of the Jensen to see her like this. She starts the car and drives as fast and far away as she can. Once she made it out of the street she stops the car along the road. Once again, she’s unable to breathe. Her heart is beating out of her chest, her head is buzzing and her hands are shaking. She breaks down. _7 months_


	14. For A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and Ani try to be there for their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fenne Lily – For A While

Once Clay hears Jessica’s car leaving the street he assumes it’s safe for him to go back to the outhouse. He enters and is immediately surprised to see Justin kneeled to the floor and the mess he made.

“ _Wow, it didn’t take you long before turning this place into a mess again._ ” While he says that, Clay notices the tears on Justin’s face and he hates himself for joking right now.

“ _I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up._ ” “ _Don’t worry about it. What happened?_ ” Clay says as he approaches Justin and sits next to him on the floor. “ _I broke up with Jess._ ”

“ _I guess she didn’t take it very well._ ” He gestures at everything that was on the table a few minute ago. 

“ _It wasn’t her. It was all me._ ” Justin sighs. “ Clay is perplexed. “ _What did she do?_ ” Justin looks at him, lost. 

“ _I mean, clearly you must have been mad at her for something if you broke up with her and this._ ” Once again, he gestures towards the mess Justin’s made. He shakes his head. “ _She didn’t do anything._ ” Clay is looking at him and he can see he has about a million more questions to ask so he cuts him of before he has a chance to start again. “ _I really don’t want to talk about this okay?_ ” 

Clay is sad that after his brother has been back for just a few hours things already seem to go wrong like this. “ _Sure. If you change your mind you know where to find me._ ” Justin nods with a small smile. 

“ _Can I just ask you one thing?_ ” Justin sighs. Why didn’t he see that coming? Of course Clay can’t just leave it alone. “ _Go ahead._ ” “ _Is_ _this_ _why you totally blew her off while in rehab? Why you didn’t talk about her or even called her?_ ” Justin is relieved. The question is pretty simple and it’s a lie that might work. “ _Yeah. I knew I wanted to break up with her and I didn’t wanna do it over the phone like a total jerk so I may_ _have_ _avoided her and the subject until I got out._ ” “ _It makes sense.”_ Clay lies. 

How does it make sense? He was totally in love with Jessica for as long as he knew him, he goes to rehab, and that’s it. He doesn’t want her anymore? Clay knows that Justin is not telling him something but he won’t force it out of him. Not right now at least. 

Justin stands up and starts picking up the broken glass on the ground.

Clay looks at him, unsure of what to say so he takes his phone out and texts Ani.

Clay : _Justin broke up with Jess_

Ani : _What???!!!_

Clay : _I don’t know much about it. Maybe Jess will give you more information?_

Ani : _I’m on my way already._

Then he stands up and helps Justin clean their room.

“ _You don’t have to Clay._ ” “ _I know. I want to do it._ ”

When Ani arrives at Jessica’s she’s surprised to see all the lights turn off. She’s about to knock when she hears a car pulling up on the street just behind her. Jessica’s car. She makes her way to the door. 

“ _Where were you?_ ” “ _At the Jensen’s. I just left._ ” Ani knows it must be a lie. She walked from her house to Jessica’s. There’s no way she just arrived now. 

“ _What are you doing here?_ ” Ani knows Jess won’t like this. She is not really a fan of people meddling with her life, especially when it comes to Justin. “ _Clay texted me. I know about you and Justin._ ” Jessica sighs as she opens the door to her house. “ _Of course he did. Come in._ ” 

They make their way to the kitchen and Ani sits at the table. “ _Do you want something to drink?_ ” “ _No thanks. I want to know what happened._ ” Jessica laughs. “ _Well, I’d like that too you know._ ” 

“ _What do you mean?_ ” “ _I mean I have no answer for you. I don’t know what happened._ ” Ani shakes her head, completely lost. “ _Yeah, me too._ ” Jessica agrees. “ _What did he told you?_ ” 

_I’m not sure I do anymore._ These words have been stuck in her head since Justin said them to her. Jessica is now angry ; with him, with herself, with everything. She turns around to face Ani. 

“ _Does it matter? We broke up. We’re not together anymore. It’s done. Can we leave it at that?_ ” Ani is surprised by the sharpness in her voice. “ _Sure, if that’s what you want._ ” “ _Thank you._ ” The silence begins to settles between them and Ani decides to break it by changing the subject. 

“ _Where is your family?_ ” “ _Dad’s somewhere in the world._ _D_ _on’t ask me where, I have no idea._ _My_ _mom is in_ _Seattle_ _with my brothers for the weekend._ ” “ _Seattle?_ ” “ _I have some family there and my mom had a job interview today._ ” “ _Why? She doesn’t like her job here anymore?_ ” Jessica sits at the table. Talking of something different calmed her down a bit. 

“ _She does but we first moved here because of my dad and now he has a chance to be transferred somewhere else and my parents chose Seattle since we already have family there._ ” “ _So, you’re moving to Seattle?_ ” “ _My parents are. Well, my mom and my brothers. My father will join them once he gets back._ ” “ _What about you?_ ” “ _I’ll stay here until the end of the school year and after that, I hope I’ll get into college._ ” “ _Have you told Justin?_ ” Ani doesn’t even realize before asking the question. She’s so used to Jess and Justin being an inseparable duo. 

“ _No_ _and_ _I guess I won’t have to now._ ” “ _Sorry, I didn’t mean to..._ ” “ _I know, it’s okay._ ” 

This time Jess breaks the silence. “ _Oh my god. I didn’t even ask, how did Clay took it? You, moving to Oakland?_ ” “ _In a classic Clay Jensen style he had a million questions and a million ideas on how to make me stay in Evergreen._ ” They both laugh. 

“ _What does it mean for you two?_ ” “ _We both avoided the subject and to be honest I think long distance won’t cut it for us. Our story just began and our feelings aren’t that deep._ _It will be easier for both of us to end it right there._ _It’s not like we’ve been in love for ages. We’ll survive without one another._ ” Jessica gives her a reassuring smile. 

What about her? Is she going to be able to survive without Justin? It’s not like they’ve been in love for ages but that’s what it feels like. 


	15. Pillar of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas morning in Evergreen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Pillar of Truth – Lucy Dacus

The next few days go by fast and it’s already Christmas. 

Jessica spends it with her family. They invited Ani and her mom, knowing they would be alone for this special occasion. Jessica and Ani are hanging out in Jessica’s bedroom. 

“ _It was very nice of you to invite us._ ” “ _It was my mother’s idea._ ” Ani is starting to get a little frustrated. Jessica hasn’t called or texted her since Justin broke up with her and they haven’t hangout either. Now that they’re together it’s hard to even get a word out of her. “ _Still. Than_ _k_ _you._ ” Jessica doesn’t even look at her.

“ _Jess!_ ” She’s straddled by Ani raising her voice. “ _Sorry. What were you saying?_ ” “ _I was just thanking you. Are you alright?_ ” “ _Peachy._ ” Jess says while getting up from her bed.

She opens her closet and looks for something in a cardboard box. She takes out a wrapped present. “ _Didn’t you already opened your Christmas presents this morning? Your brothers were really happy with theirs from what they told me about_ _like_ _fifteen times._ ” “ _Yeah we did. This is..._ ”

Ani is getting more frustrated now that Jess has decided to not even finish her sentences now. “ _Jess! Will you talk to me for god’s sake?_ ” Jess has tears in her eyes as she softly caresses the wrapping paper with her hand. “ _I’m sorry. It’s just..._ ” Ani can’t take it anymore so she decides to join her to see what’s upsetting her so much. She looks down at the present in her friend’s hands. There’s an envelop attached to it, with a name. His name; Justin.

Jessica takes a deep breath before finally acknowledging Ani’s presence. “ _I’m sorry, but I have to go._ ” she says while leaving her bedroom. “ _Jessica!_ ” Ani runs after her down the stairs. Once she reaches the front door, Noelle’s voice stops her. “ _Where are you going? We’re about to eat._ ” “ _I promise I won’t be long._ ” Her mom doesn’t seem okay with her response. 

“ _Please mom, it’s important._ ” Noelle knows her daughter and if she’s practically begging her, she must have a good reason so she shows her her watch, implying she demands she comes back as soon as possible. Jessica nods and is about to leave when Ani is the one to stop her this time by holding her arm. Jessica turns to face her. 

“ _Ani, don’t. Please._ ” “ _I’m not stopping you. Do you want me to come with you?_ ” “ _No. I’ll be fine._ ” “ _Okay._ ” “ _But thank you._ ” she ads, offering a warm smile to Ani. She knows she was kind of a bitch to her so it’s her way of apologizing. She leaves.

Christmas at the Jensen’s was what Justin used to see on TV growing up. There was many presents, many traditions and more to eat than humanly possible. It felt warm. 

For the first time he truly felt like a member of their family, his family. 

He received three gifts this morning which was two more than Clay and it didn’t feel right. 

The first was the same as his brother; a new phone. He never received something so expensive, at least not from someone else than Bryce. 

The second gift was more of a gift for the whole family but he liked it way more than the phone. It was a framed picture of Lainie, Matt, Clay and him that they took at Thanksgiving. 

“ _Well done, but I feel like it should be considered my gift since I’m the one who gave you the idea._ ” Clay had joked. They spend some time trying to find a place for it in the living room. 

Then, Lainie and Matt acted like the third gift was silly and not really a gift but it was the best gift Justin ever received in his life. He had to restrain himself of getting chocked up when he opened it. The paper finalizing his adoption, making him officially a part of the Jensen’s family. Now he can call Clay his brother, Lainie his mother and Matt his dad without being afraid it might not last, without being afraid they’ll eventually get bored with him and just toss him out like garbage. 

He has a family, and a pretty great one. 

The rest of the morning consisted of setting up the table with Clay and Lainie and helping Matt in the kitchen. 


	16. Atmosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica arrives at the Jensen's to give Justin his Christmas gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Codeine – Atmosphere

Jessica pulls up in the front of the house. She hesitates. What is she even doing here? She wonders if she should go and ring the doorbell or try the outhouse first. She stays like this a few minutes, considering her options. The one that sounds better right now is driving back to her house. She’s about to turn the ignition on when she sees the gift on the passenger seat. This is silly, she came all the way here, she can’t just leave now. She wants to give it to Justin but she doesn’t really want to face him, so she settles for the outhouse. She doubts the boys will be there so she could easily just drop it in front of the door and leave.

She gets out of the car with the gift in her hand and makes her way to the back of the house. She’s about to drop the gift on the mat by the door when she hears someone calling her name. “ _Jessica!_ ” She turns around to see Matt waving at her from the kitchen window. She waves back, praying he won’t invite her in. Matt must see how uncomfortable she is so he tells her “ _I’ll tell him to come out. Wait a second._ ” 

She chuckles. She didn’t have to say anything and Matt knew she wanted to see Justin. She’ll always be looking for Justin. How pathetic right? 

A few seconds go by and once again she’s ready to make a run for it ; drop the gift and just drive away but before she can plan any escape strategy Justin opens the back door and begins to go down the stairs that lead to the garden. He seems as uncomfortable as she is. 

“ _Hey._ ” “ _Hey._ ” he responds once he reaches her, his hands in his pockets, clearly unsure of what to say or do. She doesn’t either so she goes straight to the point. “ _Merry Christmas._ ” She hands him the gift. He takes it and looks at it like it could be a trap of some sort. 

“ _Thank you._ ” He looks at her, hesitates on what he should say next. “ _You shouldn’t have._ ” 

Part of her is still really mad at him so she snaps “ _I agree, I shouldn’t._ ” He looks down at the ground like a small child that has just been scolded. 

She feels guilty. She hates when he’s like this so she ads with a warmer tone “ _I got this for you before … and it’s not like I can just give it to someone else so you might as well accept it._ ” He looks at her, still like a child but this time like a child that has been caught doing something wrong. 

“ _I’m sorry. I … I don’t have anything for you._ ” “ _I can’t say I’m surprised._ ” He feels guilty. He wants her to hate him but it’s hard to be a total dick to her when once again everything she does his shower him with love. Jessica sees her last comment made him feel guilty and it wasn’t her intention. 

“ _It’s okay. It’s awkward enough with one gift and I think if you tried to give me something I might have thrown it at your face anyway._ ” She jokes and it makes him laugh. God, she missed his laugh. 

He takes the envelop off the gift and is about to open it when she stops him “ _Don’t open it._ ” He looks at her, perplexed. “ _So, you gave me a gift but I’m not allowed to open it?_ ” 

She takes it from his hands. “ _I want you to have this but I don’t want you to open it right now._ ”He shakes his head. “ _What?_ ” “ _Just wait until I leave to open it okay?_ ” She places it back in his hands.

Now is the moment she’s supposed to leave but she’s stuck here, in front of him, unable to move. She wants to ask what she didn’t the last time they saw each other. Why didn’t he call her? Why did he lie? Why didn’t he just broke up with her before leaving? What changed once he did? She shakes her head. No, she won’t ask any of this. This is Christmas. His first Christmas with his new family. 

He’s looking at her. Part of him wants nothing else than to kiss her but the other part wonders what he could say to make her hate him. He thought she did when she left the night he broke up with her but here she was, giving him a present.

Jessica is resigned. She needs to accept the fact they’re not together anymore. She wants nothing more than to hear how his first real Christmas is going on, what he got, how he feels, if he’s happy. That’s when it hits her. 

She doesn’t wanna know. She hopes he’s happy, he deserves it. Her heart is already shattered and it won’t help knowing he’s doing great without her.

She turns around and begins her short walk to the car when Justin calls her name. “ _Jess_.” 

He’s the only person who always calls her by her nickname. Her heart breaks and melts at the same time. She stops and turns around to face him. 

She can’t help but hope that maybe he changed his mind. Maybe everything he told her that night was a mistake and maybe he still does love her. 

“ _Thank you… and merry Christmas._ ” This time it’s clear, her heart breaks. She gives him a little smile and turns around as fast as possible, feeling tears filling her eyes and starting to roll down her cheeks. 

Is this why she wanted to come to give him his gift? Did she really think he would change his mind once he saw her? Is she that desperate? Yes, she is, and she knows it which makes it even worse somehow.

Jessica is finally out of sight. Justin looks at the gift in his hands with a sad smile. He saw the hope in her eyes when she turned around but he won’t change his mind, no matter how hard it is for both of them right now. With time, it will get easier. He hopes it will. 

“ _Your ass need to be at the dinning table in 2 minutes or, and I quote dad_ _‘_ _We might as well eat a salad if we’re eating cold anyway.’_ _”_ Clay calls him from the kitchen window. Justin laughs. “ _I’m coming._ ” 

He makes a small detour to the outhouse and places Jessica’s gift on his nightstand. He’ll look at it later. He then joins the rest of his family to have the first Christmas family meal of his life. 


	17. Only You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin opens the gift Jessica gave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Selena Gomez – Only You

The end of the day has arrived. Justin and his family are about to watch a movie together but Justin can’t help thinking about the present waiting for him on his nightstand. He’s been thinking about it ever since Jess dropped it in his hands. He knows he won’t be able to get it out of his mind but he really wants to enjoy a movie with the Jensen’s right now too. 

“ _I’m sorry but there’s something I have to do first. Is that okay?_ ” he asks them. “ _Of course honey._ ” Lainie responds, with such softness that it almost makes him question leaving them right now, even for a few minutes. “ _Clay, why don’t you prepare some popcorn for us in the meantime?_ ” Matt asks. 

Both Justin and Clay leave the room and before they part ways Clay stops his brother. “ _Hey, are you okay?_ ” “ _Sure. I just need to check something in the outhouse._ ” Clay looks at him and Justin knows what goes through his mind at this moment. “ _I don’t have a secret stash don’t worry._ ” “ _I’m sorry. You just seem … off._ ” Justin understands why Clay’s mind went there and he doesn’t want him to worry so he explains “ _When Jess stopped by earlier, she gave me something._ ” “ _Something … like?_ ” Clay is so oblivious sometimes. 

“ _A gift. I haven’t opened it yet but I’m pretty curious._ ” “ _Make sure you listen closely before opening it. Might be a bomb._ ” Clay jokes, to what Justin responds “ _Well, if it was I wouldn't be surprised._ ” “ _Good luck._ ” Clay pats him on the back as they separate.

Here it is, still on his nightstand. Justin sits on his bed and takes it in his hands. He doesn’t open it right away. He looks at it for a little while, wondering why she gave this to him, after he broke her heart. He looks at the heart she drew next to his name on the envelop. He smiles, before opening it. It’s a letter, with many many words. The first on the top are “ _Please read this AFTER opening the gift._ ” He laughs. He can picture her saying this to him, bothered he went for the envelop first. He’s really curious about everything she might say in the letter but he follows her instruction and puts the letter down on his bed.

He slowly picks the gift up. He laughs thinking about what Clay has said. He won’t listen carefully, he doesn’t know much but he knows this ; Jess would never hurt him, clearly not like this at least. He slowly tears the paper, slowly discovering his gift. He takes it out of the wrapping paper completely. 

It’s a weird gift and he doesn’t really understand it. It’s a framed picture of him Tyler took that used to be hang at Monet’s. In the picture he’s sitting with Jessica at Monet’s. Jess isn’t much in the picture, you can only see the back of her head. He’s the main subject, him and his big smile, one he’s sure Jess is the reason behind. He doesn’t even realize it but the same smile comes to his lips at this moment. Well, she did it, she brought a smile to his face once again. She has this superpower of being able to make smiles appear on his face for some reason. Well, not for some reasons, because he’s madly in love with her.

He sighs and drops the picture on his bed before taking the letter. It’s a long letter. He brings his legs on the bed and sits against the bedhead. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, not sure he’s ready for this read. He begins anyway. 

“ _Merry Christmas Justin!_

_I know my gift sucks compared to what the Jensen’s already gave you so I figured I should explain my choice. This isn’t just a picture of you. It is so much more. It represents so much more to me and I want you to know that and to feel the same way it makes me feel when you look at it. I spend many hours sitting at a table at Monet’s alone, looking at it and thinking about how it makes me feel. About how I feel, about you, mostly. There’s not a single thing in this world I love more than your smile and I think it’s because there’s nothing in this world I love more than seeing you happy. As I’m writing those words, you’re far away from me, you’re in rehab, taking care of yourself. Thank you for that, thank you for choosing to fight, thank you for taking time for yourself. You once told me I needed time for myself and you didn’t want your shit to get into my shit. I meant it when I told you that your shit is my shit. Gross right? But true._

_I need you to be happy as much as I need to be happy myself. I won’t be okay as long as you’re not okay. Thinking about the fact you’re getting there right now warms my heart. When I look at this picture, I see the man you are but also the man you might become. No, scratch that, not might become, will become but also already became in some ways. You’re going to get better and you’re going to be happy. You deserve it, more than anyone else. You asked me if I would ever be able to look at you and not see the boy who let me get raped and I was dumb to say no, because I do. This picture, this is what I see when I look at you. Your smile, your eyes, the joy you’re experiencing ; it’s the same joy I have when I look at this picture, when I look at you. I want you to look at it and feel happy, and proud. I don’t know if I said this to you already so I’m saying it now. I’m so proud of you. Not only for going to rehab, for opening up about what happened to you, for taking care of me like you do, but mostly just for the amazing man you’ve become. I know you, I know it’s not easy and I know the road to recovery is still long but if you ever feel helpless or like it’s too hard, just look at this picture. Look at this version of you, the best version of you and how much you have changed to become this person. At first, when I asked Tyler if I could have this picture, I planed on keeping it for myself but I don’t need it. If I want to feel like this all I have to do is look at you. I figured you might need it more than I do; as a reminder of how amazing you are and how much I love you._

_I know you’re not a fan of reading so I’ll stop there, with the words you once wrote to me._

_I’ll always love you, Nancy_ ”

Tears come streaming down his face. This became his second favorite gift of the day, no question. Jess is right, the gift itself might seem a little bit weird but after reading her explanation, he understands how much it means. He places the picture on the shelf on top of his bed. He wishes he could see himself the way Jessica does but he’s not there yet. He probably never will, especially after what he found out in rehab. He sits back on his bed and takes out his phone. He wants to call her, to hear her voice and tell her how much it means to him but he knows he can’t. He has to let her go, for her own sake. She wrote in the letter “ _I won’t be okay as long as you’re not okay_ ” and he prays that’s not true because he’ll never be okay again. The only way out of this is if he disappears from her life as much as possible. He shakes his head and puts his phone back in his pocket before joining the rest of the Jensen’s. 


	18. The Shape Of A Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica is adjusting to her new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : DAMIEN JURADO – The Shape Of A Storm

" _Alex!_ " Jessica runs to reach the spot where her best friend is standing. 

She wakes up, a single tear falling from her eye. She has been having this nightmare every other night since Bryce died. She takes her phone from her nightstand to look at the time. _5:24_. She sighs. Sleeping has become more and more difficult as time passed. Her alarm won't go off for another hour. 

Still, she decides to get up. She makes her way to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water. 

Today's the first day of school after winter break. It's also the first day of school she's gonna have to go through without Ani by her side... and Justin.

She hasn't seen him since she gave him his Christmas gift. She hoped she would at least get a text from him but she didn't. She sits, alone, in her kitchen. She feels alone. 

Her mom got the job in Seattle and has decided to move there as fast as possible so her brothers could start school immediately after the winter break. Her dad is still far, far away. 

She feels guilty too. She promised Ani she would take care of Clay but she didn't. She hasn't seen him since the morning their group have gathered at Monet's one last time to say goodbye to Ani. Justin wasn't there. She wanted to ask Clay where he was but she knew it wasn't her place to ask, not anymore, so she abstained. She wonders how the day is gonna go. She's afraid of it so she texts someone she hopes could help make it better.

Jessica: _Hey Alex! What do you say about me picking you up for school this morning?_

She puts her phone down on the table and gets up to look at the content of the fridge, considering her options for breakfast when her phone rings.

Alex: _Sure. Do you mind picking up Tyler as well?_

She's surprised he's already up, but again, so is she, and if the guilt keeps her awake it can only be worse for Alex.

Jessica: _No problem._ _7:15?_

Alex: _7:15. I'll text Tyler_.

_Tyler, Tyler ... Shit_. She's supposed to hold a stand at the future fair this afternoon to represent HO. Well, maybe it's a good thing. She'll be able to hide in the HO room all morning while preparing for it. 

She opens up the fridge again, looking for something to eat when the smell of last night leftovers gets to her nostrils. She covers her mouth and runs to the downstairs bathroom. Wow, this day is really starting as shitty as it could have. 


	19. Doing It to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have changed at Liberty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Doing It to Death – The Kills

Jessica arrives at school with Tyler and Alex. They didn’t talk much on the way there. Well, she didn’t talk much. Alex and Tyler talked, mostly about Tyler’s new job. She parks the car and they make their way to the building. There’s a large group of people gathered in front of the entrance.

“ _What the fuck is going on?_ ” Alex asks, looking at Tyler and Jessica. They both look at him with the same expression. “ _Who the fuck knows._ ” is Jessica’s only response. They enter the school and discover the metal detectors that seem to have caused the crowd.

Clay is looking for books in his locker, with Justin by his side. “ _Fuck, I hate coming back here after being gone for weeks. I always feel like everyone’s staring at me.”_ Justin sighs while leaning against the lockers. “ _Last time you came back people where staring, thanks to me. This time it’s just you being paranoid. You weren’t gone that long anyway._ ” “ _It feels like it._ ” Justin says when his eyes land on Jessica who just entered the school with Alex and Tyler. “ _I don’t know why I agreed to hold the robotics’_ _s_ _tand this afternoon._ ” “ _Shit._ ” Clay looks at Justin and follows his gaze. Jessica is arguing with the police officer about something. “ _Come on._ ” Justin taps Clay on the arm, inviting him to get closer to whatever the hell is happening.

“ _Young lady, step aside now._ ” Does the officer really think she’s going to accept him patting her in front of everyone for no reason? She chuckles at the shear absurdity of it. “ _Whatever._ ” She takes her bag from the table and begins to leave. “ _Hey! Get back here._ ” She gives the man the middle finger and keeps walking, straight to Bolan’s office. He’s going to hear how she feels about this, whether he likes it or not.

Justin and Clay missed much of what happened. Jessica passes in front of them without even acknowledging them. They are joined by Alex and Tyler. Justin chuckles when he sees Jess give the officer the middle-finger, until Clay shoots him a judging look. “ _What was that?_ ” Clay asks his friends. “ _Just Jess being Jess. I would hate to be Bolan right now._ ” Alex jokes. Justin smiles. _My girl is the fiercest and most badass of them all_. His smile fades. _Ex-girl_. The bell rings and they part ways. Clay and Tyler have a class together and they go their own way. Alex and Justin have the same class so they awkwardly walk together.

After a few seconds Alex decides to break the silence. “ _I’m glad you’re back._ ” Justin shoots him a look that says _You don’t need to lie, I know how much you hate me._ Alex rolls his eyes. 

“ _Okay, well, I’m glad you’re back for Jess. She missed you a lot._ ” Justin puts his hand on Alex’s arm to stop him. “ _Didn’t she tell you?_ ” 

“ _Tell me what?_ ” Justin is more than surprised she didn’t tell her best friend about the breakup. He hates to be one that has to tell him, sure it’s going to make him happy more than anything else. 

“ _We broke up. I thought she told you._ ” “ _Trust me, if she had, I would remember._ ” 

Justin doesn’t want to have to explain anything so he starts walking towards their class. This time, Alex pulls Justin’s arm to make him stop. “ _Why?_ ” “ _It doesn’t matter. Come on._ ” They go to class. 


	20. XYZ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The future fair doesn't go as smoothly as everyone hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : XYZ – Flasher

The fair begins. 

Jessica had agreed to hold a stand at first because she thought Tyler or Ani would be with her. I turned out Tyler has to hold the Yearbook stand and Ani isn’t even in town for the fair. Here she is, forced to do this alone. She chuckles thinking about the irony in it. Of course she has to do it alone.

Clay had also agreed to hold a stand because he thought Ani would be with him. Justin joins him. 

“ _I never thought I would see Justin Foley sit at the robotics stand._ ” “ _To be honest, me neither.”_ “ _You’re co-captain of the football team now. Shouldn’t you sit with them?_ ” “ _I did, but all they talk about is Monty. I figured a break would be nice._ ” 

“ _What’s this?_ ” Clay points at the papers in Justin’s hand. “ _College. Dr. Singh told me about one that is interested in me._ ” “ _Occidental? That’s_ _great_ _!_ ” Clay sees that Justin is not as excited as he is. “ _Isn’t it?_ ” “ _It is._ ” Clay stares, not convinced. “ _College isn’t really my main focus right now._ ” Justin is shocked Clay isn’t asking a thousand follow-up questions when he realizes he’s looking at the HO stands wit fear in his eyes. “ _Clay. What is it?_ ”

Jessica is doodling on a notebook. The HO stand is not a popular one. “ _Still okay with me joining?_ ” She looks up to a brunette boy she met once before. “ _Winston, right?_ ” “ _Winston Williams._ ” “ _Of course, everyone is welcome to join._ ” She smiles at him, happy to have at least recruited one new ally but something in the way he stares at her feels weird. “ _I’m surprised you remember my name. You were quite drunk when you left the party._ ” She’s not crazy. It’s a little weird that he noticed that, isn’t it? “ _Isn’t it what people do at parties? Get drunk?_ ” “ _You’re right. I’m sorry. I wasn’t judging. Like I said_ _before_ _, I’m a big fan._ ”

“ _Clay. What is it?_ ” Clay doesn’t answer Justin’s question and starts to get up. “ _Jensen. What’s going on?_ ” Ever since he came back from rehab he noticed Clay kind of disappearing in his thoughts, but not like he used to do. Now it’s happening again and he doesn’t really know what to do or if he should be worried. He lets him go, watching closely anyway, just in case.

Clay makes his way to the HO stand and greets Winston. He knows Winston. Ani and him had talked to him once before about Bryce, and especially about Monty. What scares him is that Winston is the one person who could destroy everything for them. Ani had told him during the winter break that Monty and him were together the night Bryce died. He’s the only person outside his group that knows the truth. Some parts of the truth anyway and he refuses to let him find out more. “ _Winston._ _What are you doing here?_ ” “ _Hi Clay. I just join_ _ed_ _HO_ _and ..._ _I may_ _stop at_ _the Yearbook_ _stand_ _too,_ _since you seem interested in my social life._ ” Jessica looks at both of them, confused. “ _I meant, what are you doing here, at Liberty?_ ” Winston smirks and asks Jessica. “ _Is this how new students are welcome_ _d_ _here?_ ” Clay looks at her, confused as well. “ _Winston transferred_ _here_ _._ ” She explains. “ _Thank you for the warm welcome Jessica. Clay, I guess I’ll see you around._ ” He leaves the both of them. “ _Clay._ ” Jessica tries to shake him out of whatever he’s going through. He rubs his eyes. 

“ _It seems you’re deeper in shit than you thought man._ ” Monty taunts him, standing at the spot Winston just left. Clay’s gaze follows Winston’s path. He stops at the Yearbook stand.

 _Tyler. Monty. Tyler. Monty. Winston. Monty._ Monty leaves his side and walks toward the football stand. Clay follows him. Monty disappears. Clay stares at the member of the team. They’re all wearing a jersey honoring Monty. How can they do this? With Tyler in the same place? Not all of them are wearing it. Zach, Justin and Charlie aren’t and it seems to be a problem among the team. Charlie is arguing with two of the football players about it right now.

“ _He was your teammate. It’s fucking disrespectful not to wear yours._ ” “ _It’s my choice. I don’t have to justify it._ ” Charlie tries to defend himself. “ _We’re a team. If you wanna be part of the team you have to wear this._ ” Luke says. “ _Justin and I were clear this morning. We told you we wouldn’t do this._ ” “ _No offense dude, but we don’t give a shit about this. Monty was our brother. We owe him that._ ” Diego tells Charlie while handing him the jersey. 

This is too much. _Tyler. Monty. Winston. Monty._ Clay takes a few steps to reach Charlie and the team. “ _Fucking take those jerseys off. You’re honoring a fucking rapist. And a murderer._ ” “ _Fuck you Jensen. He didn’t murder anyone._ ” Diego snaps. “ _He didn’t kill Bryce. We all know it._ ” Luke ads. “ _The only murderer here is_ _probably_ _you._ ” Diego says to Clay while placing himself in front of him. Clay punches him. Luke attacks him to defend Diego and throws him on a table. 

Everyone is now staring at the fight. It only lasts a few seconds before officers separate them. Justin, Tony and the rest of the gang have all gathered around the commotion. Bolan is there too. “ _Lead the three of them to my office. We’ll sort this out._ ” He orders the officers. 

As Clay is being taken away, Justin and Jessica make eye contact. Justin is afraid for his brother. _Damn it_ , he should have paid more attention instead of getting distracted by his chat with Tony. Jessica can see he feels guilty. That’s become one of Justin’s natural state at this point. “ _I’ll take care of it._ ” She reassures him before following Bolan, the 2 jocks, Clay and the officers. He simply nods at her, his way of thanking her. 


	21. Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay reveals an important information about Winston to Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea - MISSIO

Clay is sitting outside of Bolan’s office. Luke punches left damage on his face.

Jessica comes out of the office and sits next to Clay. “ _That was dumb of you._ ” He rolls his eyes. He doesn’t need a lecture right now. The one his parents are going to give him later will be enough. 

“ _Why did you confront them?_ ” Clay scoffs. “ _Why didn’t you?_ ” Jessica looks at him, unsure of what he implies. “ _You go on and on about justice but you didn’t say anything while they were all walking around with Monty’s name on their jerseys._ ” Jessica takes it. He’s right, she didn’t say or do anything. 

“ _At least I didn’t do what you did. What were you thinking?_ ” He doesn’t answer. 

What could he say? _I’m loosing my mind. Plain and simple._

“ _I talked to Bolan._ _He_ _’ll talk to your parents but you won’t be punished for it._ ” “ _How did you manage that?_ ” “ _I explained him how inappropriate it was for the football team to wear those jerseys. I told him you were trying to explain that to them when they started accusing you of murder._ ” “ _Well, that’s what happened._ ” 

“ _Is it? Clay, you were kind of aggressive with them._ ” “ _You’re seriously taking their side?_ ” “ _Oh my god Clay, chill. I’m just saying you could have_ _had_ _a little more tact._ ” “ _How would you feel if you were wrongly accused of murder?”_ She takes it again. 

She knows she didn’t murder Bryce but she didn’t stop it from happening either. She has blood on her hands and Clay doesn’t but he’s the one falsely accused. 

“ _I’m sorry._ ” she guiltily offers her friend. “ _What did Winston want with you?_ ” Clay changes the subject. “ _To join Ho. Like he told you._ ” “ _You’re gonna let him?_ ” She nods. “ _Why wouldn’t I_?” Clay knows he should come clean but he chooses not to. He falls silent, hoping she would let it go but that’s not knowing Jessica. 

“ _Clay. What is it?_ ” He takes a deep breath before coming clean. “ _Winston can alibi Monty. They were together._ ” “ _Shit. I knew there was something weird about his interest in Liberty._ ” Clay worries immediately. “ _What did you tell him?_ ” Jessica thinks back at the conversations they had. “ _Nothing really. Nothing bad._ ” “ _We have to make sure he doesn’t find out anything._ _We should tell everyone..._ ” 

“ _No._ ” Jessica cuts him. She has been feeling paranoid for as long as she remembers. She knows Clay must have as well with this information. She doesn't want the rest of their friend to feel it too. Alex and her are the only ones who should suffer from this and even then, if she can protect Alex from this, she will. 

“ _We don’t need to tell everyone. What good will it do? It’s not like they’re going to tell him anything anyway._ ” Clay seems skeptical. She’s not wrong but keeping more secrets from his friends is not going to help his mental health. 

“ _Listen. Justin is doing better. So are Tyler and Alex. We need to look out for them. We can handle this. Or, I can handle this. Okay?_ ” “ _How are you going to do this?_ ” “ _By not acting like a nut job like you for_ _a_ _starter._ ” She makes him laugh. " _He joined HO which means I’m going to spend time with him. It gives me a chance to stay close._ _I’m not sure we need to do more than keep an eye on him._ ” 

They both hope it’s true. They’re gonna have to carry this so their friends won’t have to. 


	22. Falling (In Dreams)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex thinks about all his friends; past and present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Telekinesis – Falling (In Dreams)

The next day Alex is the one who texts Jess and offers her a ride to school. Again, both of them woke up way too early.

Alex has had trouble sleeping since the day he found out Hannah had killed herself. Things got better after he shot himself in the head when it came to sleeping. You can’t go against what your body desperately needs sometimes and his body needed to rest. It lasted a few months, until he got better physically, but he feels like he’s right back where he started. He doesn’t leave his room until his father is up so. He doesn’t want him to worry more than he already does.

He didn’t talk to Jess after finding out she broke up with Justin, or after he broke up with her. He doesn’t even know what the hell happened. He’s hoping he’ll be able to talk about this to her on their way to school. It’s not the only thing he wants to talk about with her. Last night things got kind of awkward with Zach. They kissed, or rather, he kissed Zach. He has no idea why he did it. Well, he wanted to at the moment but looking back at it, it was the dumbest thing he could have done. Zach is his best friend and he screwed that up. Like every friendship he ever had.

Hannah, Jessica, Justin, Monty, Tyler, and now Zach. The list of friends he used to have and friendships he ruined just keeps getting longer. 

He ruined his friendship with Hannah and Jessica with the same mistake; that fucking list. 

He wasn’t that close to Justin and Monty but they spend a lot of time together and in a way it’s his relationship with Jessica that lead to the destruction of those bonds. Well, not exactly, Monty destroyed that by being cruel, violent and just awful with everyone he cares or cared about. 

With Justin, it’s different. He hates to admit it but he’s not as bad a person as Alex made him out to be. He still doesn’t like him. He’s one of the main reason he became a murderer after all. He should have been there with Jessica that night instead of him. There’s many time he should have been there for Jess and wasn’t actually. 

His friendship with Tyler is great nowadays but he wasn’t there for him in the past like he should have been. He is doing his best to make up for that now. 

Jessica is also supposed to be his best-friend. He wishes he could be there more for her but she became an accomplice the night he killed Bryce and he can’t help but feel guilty. Therefore he has been kind of avoiding her lately, spending most of his time with Tyler and Charlie. Now he realizes he shouldn’t have avoided her. What kind of shitty friend is he? She and Justin are no longer together and he didn’t even know. Ani’s gone, which means she doesn’t have anybody else to confide in.

Today he’s going to change that and it’s going to start with a car ride to school and a conversation about Justin for her sake and about Zach, for his. 


	23. Had To Hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Jessica discuss some of their problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Real Estate – Had To Hear

Jessica opens the door and sits in the passenger seat. “ _Hey._ ” “ _Hey._ ” Alex stares at her. She’s not her usual, warm, self. He figures out why and decides to start with the Justin issue. 

She looks up at him. Why doesn’t he start driving? _Please, don’t ask_.

“ _I talked to Justin yesterday._ ” “ _You did? Good for you._ ” She dismiss the implication of that statement. 

“ _Why didn’t you tell me you two broke up?_ ” “ _Why should have told you?_ ” “ _I don’t know. Maybe because we’re friends?_ ” He smiles, hoping to dissolve the tension in the air. 

“ _We are?_ ” Jessica scoffs. _Ouch_ , she noticed him avoiding her. 

“ _We are. I’m sorry if I haven’t been there lately._ ” “ _You haven’t._ ” Jessica confirms in a sad whisper, looking down. 

He can see how much it hurt her so he tries another apology. “ _I sucked. A lot. I suck. I’m here now and I have..._ ” he looks at the time displayed in the car “ _… some time to make this up to you, so please, tell me everything._ ” She smiles. She can’t stay mad at him for long. 

“ _There’s not a lot to tell actually. He broke up with me, and that’s basically it._ ” 

He can't believe it. Just hours ago he was thinking about the fact that Justin wasn’t a complete asshole even so he wasn’t there for Jess when she needed him, and now this? After everything she forgave, he just dumped her? “ _Fucking asshole._ ” He lets out. 

“ _Alex, don’t._ ” Justin hurt her but that doesn’t mean she wants Alex to start criticizing him again. “ _You’re serious?_ ” He looks at her, unable to understand how she still chooses to defend him. “ _He dumped you after everything you did for him and me calling him an asshole is what bothers you?_ ” 

Okay, when Alex puts it like that she realizes how pathetic she is to still try to defend him. He didn’t even gave her an acceptable explanation and she still hasn’t asked him why he lied to her while in rehab. Or was his explanation acceptable … _You deserve someone who truly loves you and … I’m not sure I do anymore…_ and she is the one who isn’t able to accept it?

“ _Fuck Justin._ ” She says in a sighs, tired of fighting against her anger. “ _Yes! Fuck him. You’re better off without him, trust me._ ” Is she? 

“ _Anyway, what’s going on with you lately?_ ” She decides to change the subject to anything other than Justin. It’s his chance to mention the Zach issue. Should he? Jessica and him are friends and he doesn’t know who else he can talk to about this but she’s also his ex. Whatever, they just talked about Justin and if this isn’t taboo, Zach shouldn’t be either. 

He starts the story with the easier part anyway. “ _Last night I hang out with Zach._ ” “ _What the hell did he do now?_ ” Jessica asks, afraid of the answer. “ _Nothing, really, nothing. Well, I almost fell from the roof of a building because of him, but it wasn’t his fault per se so..._ ” “ _You what?_ ” Jess freaks out, interrupting him. He laughs.

“ _I wasn’t really expecting this reaction until later in the story to be honest._ ” “ _Are you okay? What happened?_ ” “ _I was getting there, until you interrupted me._ ” He jokes. She nudges him in the arm. He looks at the time. “ _Fuck, we don’t have that much time so please, just listen and don’t stop me okay?_ ” She nods, eager to listen to the whole story. 

“ _He was drunk, and I guess I drank a little too, but I wasn’t drunk. He suggested we take a few step on the edge of the roof as a way to try to conquer our fears. It was stupid. Extremely stupid, now that I think about it. For a few seconds it was nice. I felt powerful, and free._ ” Jessica smiles softly. 

She knows how powerless he always felt and she understands how it must have been for him to feel something else, even for a few seconds. 

“ _As you might expect, my body failed me and I almost fell but Zach caught me before anything could go wrong and he brought me to the middle of the roof. He made sure I was safe. I felt so alive at this moment, and so safe. That’s when I fucked it up and_ _._ _.._ ” Jessica is hanging on his lips, impatient to have the rest of the story. When he falls silent, she nudges him again “ _Come on, what happened?_ ” He shakes his head. Should he tell her? 

“ _You have to promise me you won’t say a word to anyone about this okay?_ ” “ _Dude, I think it’s safe to say I can manage keeping secrets_ _for_ _you._ ” She tries to joke but he doesn’t seem to find it funny. 

“ _I kissed him. I kissed Zach._ ” “ _Is he_ _such a bad kisser?”_ She asks, trying to cheer her friend up because he looks like this is the worst thing that ever happened. “ _No, the kiss was quite nice actually, but that’s not the point._ ” “ _Okay, so what’s so wrong about this?_ ” “ _Well, for starter we’re friends and friends don’t really kiss each other._ ” “ _The two of us used to kiss, and that didn’t stop us from being friends did it?_ ” “ _Yeah, because our relationship has always been soooo easy right?_ ” He says sarcastically which makes Jess laugh. 

“ _Ok, I’ll let you have this one. Do you have feelings for him?_ ” “ _I really don’t. I mean, I love him, as a friend, and that’s it._ ” “ _What did he say?_ ” “ _He was as shocked as I was but he was really sweet_ _about it_ _. He told me he didn’t like guys but that_ _it_ _was okay if I did and he insisted that we spend the rest of the evening togethe_ _r. And we did, like nothing happened.”_ He stares at her, waiting for a reaction. 

After a few seconds she asks _“Do you?” “Do I what?” “Like guys?” s_ he asks in the softest tone possible. She knows it might be difficult for anyone to talk about this subject, but if he chose to tell this story it wasn’t random. _“No. No I don’t. It was more of a ‘Thank god I’m alive’ kind of kiss, if that makes sense.”_

It makes sense, Jess thinks, but again, in the softest tone, she ads _“If you did, it would be cool too._ _Y_ _ou know that right?”_ He nods with a smile, thanking her for listening and being understanding about it. 

They drive off to school. 


	24. Behave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone at Liberty knows the truth and wants everyone else to know it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Summer Cannibals – Behave

Once Justin and Clay enter the school they notice a large group of students gathered in front of the administration office. Justin finds a way through the crowd with Clay just behind him. What they see now is making no sense; _Monty was framed,_ painted on the office doors.

Clay looks to his right, where Alex and Jess are both standing. Jessica looks at him with fear in her eyes while Alex is focused on the words painted on the doors. Clay understands what is going through her mind, it’s the same thing that goes through his ; _Winston did this. He knows._ Justin keeps looking at the doors. He noticed Jess when he walked in ; she’s always the first thing he notices when he enters a room, but he can’t bring himself to look at her. She must be so afraid right now.

“ _Who did this?_ ” Alex asks her. “ _No fucking idea._ ” She has an idea but she won’t share her fears. She’ll handle it, she knows she can, or at least, she knows she has to. “ _Holy shit. The admin doors._ ” Zach comes up behind them. Jessica is mad at him. He’s been putting himself in danger lately and from what Alex had told her this morning, he is now putting others in danger as well. “ _How can you..._ ” She starts before she sees Winston looking at her from the other side of the hallway. “ _Whatever._ ” She finishes before leaving, Winston’s stare terrifying her.

Justin watches her leave. She is definitely afraid. He starts walking towards her without realizing what he’s doing. After a few steps, he stops. _You can’t run after her. She has to do this without you._ He shakes his head and goes back to Clay who appears afraid too. He can’t be there for her but he can be there for him. “ _Come on man, let’s go_.” He invites him to leave and go anywhere else before the bell rings. 


	25. Cool Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica decides to check on a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Japanese House – Cool Blue

After she discovered the graffiti, Jess had decided to hang out in the HO space until it was time to leave. Today they were going to visit Sanderson, the closest campus to Evergreen. Until then, she is fine by staying there, on her own. She wants to talk to Clay, but with Justin always by his side … it’s more than she can take right now. So she stays there, or hides there, depends on how you look at it. She looks at the posters around the room to pass time. 

_Tyler_

A few days ago, all the football players were wearing Monty’s name on their jerseys and now his name was painted on doors in the middle of school. He cannot escape Monty more than she can escape Bryce, and it’s not fair. _Right now he must be hiding just like I am_ she thinks. 

Ani had told her she was a good mom for the group and she disagreed but she took care of Clay when he got in trouble a few days ago, she tried to take care of Alex this morning, and now it looks like it’s time for her to take care of Tyler. She’ll deal with Zach later. 

She grabs her bag, throws it on her shoulder and heads to the place she knows she’s going to find him.

When she reaches the door of the dark room, the PA systems beeps and Bolan announces it’s time to make their way to the parking lot. They still have time for a little chat. 

She opens the door and is surprised to see Winston with Tyler. “ _Good morning_ _guys.”_ She’s not going to show any fear to Winston. She can’t act suspicious. She already did this morning. “ _Hi Jessica._ ” Tyler answers with a kind voice “ _Good morning._ ” Winston offers with a charming smile. Jessica sees that Tyler is upset. It looks like he’s been crying. “ _Winston, do you mind giving us a moment?_ ” “ _No problem. Tyler, I’ll_ _save_ _you a seat._ ” He exits.

“ _How are you feeling about all of this?_ ” She points at the pictures of the graffiti hung over them. “ _I have no idea who might have done it, but it wasn’t me I swear.”_ Jessica is sad that after everything, Tyler still sometimes feels like the outsider he used to be. 

“ _I know you didn’t and it’s not why I asked. I wanna know how you feel. It must be hard to always be reminded of him._ ” A small smile forms on his lips. “ _Yeah, it is. It’s like he’s always going to be there._ _I_ _t’s even worse now that he’s dead._ _B_ _ecause_ _I know_ _I’m the reason he is._ ” Jessica freezes when the words hit her. Trying her best not to break she reassures him “ _You are not responsible for what happened to him. He deserved to end up in jail and his death is not on you. I know you didn’t want it to happen and you didn’t do it either. You have absolutely no responsibility_ _in_ _it._ ” 

_Not like me, who_ _let_ _Bryce_ _die_. 

“ _Thank you._ ” “ _I just told you the truth Tyler. Don’t beat yourself up over this and if you need someone to talk too, you know I’m here for you._ ” 

“ _Always._ ” Tyler offers with a smile. “ _Always._ ” Jessica confirms. 

“ _We should probably go now, right?_ ” “ _Yeah, but don’t worry, I doubt Bolan is going to leave without us. I’m too much of a pain in_ _his_ _ass_ _for_ _him to forget me._ ” Tyler laughs as they leave the dark room. 

“ _I heard Winston was saving you a seat. You’re friends with him?_ ” “ _I only met him a few days ago but he’s a pretty good photographer, he’s really nice too._ ” 

_Damn it._ She really hopes he’s not playing a game with Tyler. Tyler deserves to have some friends and if it turns out Winston is manipulating him she’s gonna have no other choice than to kick him in the balls. In the meantime, she is going to keep an eye on him. 


	26. Little by Little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica and Clay decide to keep an eye on their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Little by Little · Rupert Pope · Daniel Knight

When Jessica enters the bus she wonders where she’s going to sit. Clay is sitting wit Tony, Justin with Zach, Alex is alone, but he’s just behind Winston and she really doesn’t want to spend the whole ride spying on him and Tyler. She’s going to spend her whole day doing that anyway and she needs a break. She needs time to gather her thoughts. She’s so fucking tired and she could use some time to rest. Maybe this bus ride is a good way to catch up on her sleep. People are getting on the bus behind her and she needs to find a seat and quick so she goes to the first one available. Once seated, she takes out her headphones and plugs them in her phone. Music will help her escape her reality, for now.

“ _Thanks for ditching me._ ” Alex tells her when they get out of the bus. “ _Sorry. I wanted to catch up on my sleep. I wouldn’t have been great company anyway._ ” 

She catches Clay looking at her. Justin is not by his side, he’s talking to Tony a little further. That’s her chance. 

“ _I have to talk to Clay. I promise I’ll keep you company all day okay?_ ” “ _You better. Winston and Tyler are cool but if you don’t like photography you get bored really fast with_ _the both of_ _them._ ” 

She makes her way to Clay. “ _What is he doing with Tyler?_ ” “ _I think they are becoming friends._ ” “ _You think? How?_ _Why?_ _We have to take care of this._ ” She can see he’s spiraling. “ _I am. Don’t worry._ ” 

“ _2 group_ _s_ _please._ ” Their teacher announces. Alex, Tyler and Winston are in the same group but Zach is in the other and he was the next person she wanted too take care of today. She can’t let him go without anyone too look after him. 

“ _I got_ _Winston_ _okay?_ _Can you look after Zach?””Zach? Why Zach? and why me?”_ The two groups begin to separate. She has to find an explanation, and fast. She forgot Clay didn’t know about this. _“He said something weird this morning when we found out about the graffiti. Maybe he knows something. You should try and talk to him.”_ This explanation is enough for Clay because what Jessica doesn’t know is that a can of spray-paint rolled to his feet on the bus before they left and Zach is one of his suspect. “ _Alright, but you owe me._ ” “ _Deal._ ” 

They both join their group. 


	27. Into The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Winston are getting closer,which scares Jessica. Justin decides to have a talk with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These New Puritans – Into The Fire

The tour is way less interesting than the tour guide makes it out to be. Jessica’s not really paying attention to be fair. Maybe she should. She considered Sanderson, not for their curricular, but because it’s the closest option to home. She follows Alex, Winston and Tyler. They talk about everything and nothing. Nothing unusual anyway. They make a stop to have lunch and Tyler ditches them to take some pictures of the buildings.

Before the tour, Matt has told Justin that he arranged a meeting with the dean for him and Clay later in the day. He’s really thankful for the opportunity. A few years ago he didn’t think college was an option for him. Today it is, but he’s more sure than ever that he’ll never attend. It would be nice to apply so, just to see if he’ll be accepted, to see if he’s capable of it. Matt would be proud, and so would Lainie. He wonders how Amber would feel about this. He wants the meeting with the dean to go well. He approaches their tour guide, maybe she can give him a few tips since she seems to know the campus so well.

Jessica gets distracted pretty quickly when she sees Justin talking to their tour-guide. She’s a pretty blond. He’s all smiles. She keeps touching his arm. She’s clearly flirting with him and from the looks of it, he is flirting back. “ _It’s like I’m not even here._ ” she says to herself. “ _What?_ ” Tony, who’s now standing next to her asks. “ _Nothing._ ” She looks at him and then looks for Alex and Winston. She can still see Tyler taking pictures a little further but no sign of her best friend. “ _Have you seen Alex?_ ” “ _I think he’s over there with the new guy, Winston is it?_ ” He points at a bench where they are both sitting a couple hundred feet away. “ _Yeah, Winston. Thanks._ ” Alex looks happy. She’s tired of feeling paranoid. Maybe Winston really is just looking for some friends. He didn’t act suspicious all morning. But if he’s not, him getting closer to Alex is the worst thing that could happen. Justin, who is still talking with Amanda, looks happy as well, while she’s stuck here, not knowing what her next move should be; paranoid, terrified, alone. Tony left her side to join Tyler. Is this what the rest of her life is going to be? A million problems to deal with at the same time and no one by her side to help? She knows there is one problem in her life right now for which this is how it’s going to be like if she doesn’t do anything about it. She feels her body getting weak, or maybe it’s just her who is getting weak. Either way, she can’t stand up any longer. She sits down on the grass and focuses on Alex and Winston. She can still keep an eye on them from afar.

Justin finishes his talk with Amanda. She’s been pretty helpful and gave him many advice. He looks at the group of students from Liberty. Who is he going to eat with? His best option is probably to join Tony and Tyler. He starts walking towards them when he notices Jessica. She’s sitting alone and she doesn’t look good. She looks as beautiful as always, but there’s something about her that’s different. He can’t realistically avoid her forever. He knows she’s been avoiding him. The only times she talks to Clay is when he’s not there and it’s not difficult to notice it. He is okay with her avoiding him, it’s what he wants actually. He wants hatred, but he can settle for ignorance. The last thing he wants is for her to avoid their friends because of him. If someone should be alone because of this, it’s him. Now is maybe the perfect time to have a discussion with her to make that clear.

Jessica is still fixated on Winston and Alex when she hears someone sitting next to her. She doesn’t need to turn her head to know it’s Justin. She recognizes his smell; the mixture of his perfume, his deodorant and the smell of his skin. “ _What are you doing all alone?_ ” She doesn’t answer, nor does she look at him. “ _I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding me._ ” “ _And that comes as a surprise to you?_ ” He looks at the grass, avoiding the sharp look she’s giving him. “ _It doesn’t, but I don’t want you to avoid Clay or anyone else because of that._ ” “ _That? The fact that as soon as you got better you decided I was not good enough for you anymore and dropped me?”_ He has no answer for this. As long has she hates him for it, that’s all that matters. 

“ _I’m sure Amanda would love for you to join Sanderson. Do you think she’s good enough for this new and improved version of you?_ ” Jessica hates herself for this. The fact that he’s doing better is far from being the problem. It’s probably the only thing she’s happy about nowadays. 

Justin has two options; explaining to her why he talked to Amanda or playing along which would cause her to be even more mad at him. He chooses the third, changing the subject back to the reason he decided to talk to her in the first place. 

“ _Don’t avoid our friends because of me okay? If you want to talk to Clay, talk to Clay and if I’m with him I’ll just leave._ ” “ _I don’t need you to give me permission to talk to Clay._ ” “ _That’s not what I was saying._ ” He starts to get up, feeling like he said the thing he came to say when she tells him “ _Even if you didn’t love me anymore, you could have called._ ” He sits back down, hurt to hear those words come out of her mouth. “ _I know._ ” “ _Why didn’t you? Why did you feel like you had to lie to me?_ ” “ _I didn’t want hurt you._ ” The words left his lips before he could think about it. _What a stupid thing to say_. “ _You hurt me anyway in the end. It just hurt more._ ” She’s barely audible. She has to keep her voice that low if she doesn’t want to break down in front of him. “ _How did you find out?_ ” “ _Zach told me he spoke to you. Next time you wanna lie to me, make sure everyone is in on your lie._ ”

He is not that dumb, part of him wanted her to find out about the lie. He thought maybe it would have been enough for her to break up with him, but she didn’t. When he came back she didn’t even confront him about it.

It just hurts too much; she can’t stay sitting here, next to him. She gets up and leaves him alone, sitting on the ground. He watches her go; hoping her sadness will end soon, hoping she’ll find ways to be happy without him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've published many chapters today because I won't be able to post for a few days.   
> Please let me know what you think about the story so far. If you have any suggestion, please tell me as well.   
> I know the story is not really original since it's mostly following what happened in the show but it's nothing too surprising since it's a rewrite. The main difference right now is the importance and use of Jessica's character and the fact that Ani left.   
> In the next few chapters, you'll get a little bit more of Justin and Diego's character is going to cause some problems for the group. What else can I tease about what's to come ? An unlikely friendship is going to form between two characters and it's going to do both of them a lot of good.   
> Thank you all for reading !


	28. Noise of The Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Clay try to have a conversation but they are both going through so much that it doesn't go anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Drab Majesty – Noise of The Void

Justin is sitting in the outhouse, waiting for Clay to come back from the main house, looking at some website on his computer, well, Clay’s computer. They offered to buy one for him a while back but he didn’t want them to spend more money on him than they should and Clay had agreed to share his. He’s anxiously taping the pen in his hand against his forehead.

The door opens and Clay joins him. Justin closes the website he was looking at. Clay looks defeated.

“ _How did it go?_ ” “ _As well as expected. They’re disappointed and worried._ ” “ _Should they be worried?_ ” Clay ignores the question and continues. “ _Dad’s pissed I blew the interview with the dean._ ” “ _Unlike you, I went to the meeting but that didn’t stop me for screwing it up._ ” “ _What happened?_ ” “ _I sucked. It’s only a matter of time before I screw everything up and just become a junkie again._ ” “ _I thought you were doing better. Why do you say that?_ ” “ _Whatever._ ” Justin stands up and walks to his bed.

“ _It’s not a big deal if you blew the interview. You still have Occidental._ ” Clay tries to reassure him. “ _I’m not in yet and it’s fucking expensive.” “_ _We’re not poor. You know my parents would pay whatever they have to, right?” “Whatever.” Justin sits on his bed._

“ _Clay, you don’t need to worry about the interview. You aren’t even interested in Sanderson.”_ Clay wants to laugh. The interview is the last of his worries right now. He reaches his bed and sits. They look at each other from their respective beds. Clay grabs his bag from the floor.

“ _Clay._ ” He looks up at Justin, waiting for what’s to come. “ _What exactly were you doing in that room with the girl?_ ” “ _You’re fucking serious right now?_ ” “ _I just want to understand._ ” he tries to defend himself, knowing he sounded accusatory. 

“ _Unlike you, I wanted to protect a passed out girl from being raped by some jerk._ ” Clay knows he went way too far but his own brother thinking he may have done something that horrifying hurt his feelings. He’s aware of how crazy he’s getting but there’s a line he knows he won’t cross. 

Justin gets up and walks toward the bathroom. “ _Justin I’m sorry. I didn’t mean..._ ” “ _Yeah, you did._ ” He stops on his way and turns to look at Clay. “ _I deserve this. I know what I did. What I didn’t do._ ” “ _I’m still a dick for shoving it up your face. I shouldn’t have._ ” “ _Whatever._ ” Justin continues to walk towards the bathroom. 

Once the door is closed, he looks at himself in the mirror and breaks down crying. The biggest mistake of his life won’t ever be forgotten. He won’t forget it either nor will he forgive himself for it. He served his sentence but is still paying for it in many ways to this day. This mistake cost him a lot already and he’s afraid the next thing he’s going to have to pay for it is his own life. _And maybe I deserved it_. 


	29. Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica waits for Alex at Monet's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Hundred Waters – Parade

Jessica wonders why she chose to come to Monet’s today. Tyler’s picture are gone from the wall. She won’t be able to sit and stare at them like she used to. Once she pass the door, she hates herself for ever entering the building. Justin is working behind the counter. Why should she stop coming here anyway? It’s always been a safe place for her. Until now. She makes her way to the counter to order a drink.

“ _One hot chocolate?_ ” Justin asks her. She nods. He places the drink on the counter. She takes out her wallet when he stops her “ _It’s on the house._ ” She looks at him, surprised. “ _Consider it a thank you for the Christmas gift._ ” She gives him a small smile and takes the cup from the counter before reaching the table where she she used to sit with Hannah and Alex. Alex is supposed to join her. He’s late.

“ _Jessica!_ ” Diego calls her. She waves at him. He takes it as an invitation and makes his way to her table. 

“ _Hi. What are you doing here?_ ” “ _My mom loves their coffee. I like to bring her a cup sometimes._ ” He responds, showing her the cup he just bought while he sits down. “ _That’s quite nice of you._ ” “ _I’m quite nice you know._ ” He gives her a charming smile. 

“ _Listen, I wanted to thank you about Bolan._ ” “ _What about Bolan?_ ” “ _After the fight with Jensen, he told me you convinced him not to punish any of us._ ” Jessica didn’t give a shit about Luke and him to be fair, she only did it as a way to protect Clay. “ _You’re welcome._ ” “ _You’re a good president. You look out for us._ ” “ _Look out after your friends and you’ll make my job easier._ ” “ _I will. It’s just hard for us right now, after what happened to Monty._ ” “ _I’m really sorry. He didn’t deserve to die._ ” “ _He didn’t but that’s not really what I meant. He was framed. He doesn’t deserve to be remembered as a murderer either._ ” 

Whoever did this graffiti really created problems for them. 

“ _You could help us._ ” Jessica looks at him, unsure of what he means. “ _The team and I, we’re trying to figure out what really happened and clearly someone knows something at Liberty. You could help us._ ” “ _I’m sorry but I really don’t know what to make of this. The graffiti could be just a stupid prank. I don’t_ _want to loose my last few months at Liberty searching for the truth when there’s a good chance we already know_ _it_ _._ ” Jessica is clearly shaken by the subject and Diego can see it so he apologizes “ _I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the fact that Bryce was involved. Of course you don’t want to_ _help with that_ _._ ” Jessica is pleasantly surprise by his apology. He really is nice, way nicer than she thought. 

“ _You should probably go._ ” He looks at her with a perplex look. “ _Your mom’s coffee. It’s getting cold._ ” He laughs. “ _You’re probably right._ ” 

He stands up and before he leaves, he says “ _I like you a lot Mrs President. We should hang out more._ ” “ _Sure. Why not._ ” she smiles as he leaves.

Jessica follows him with her eyes until she catches Justin looking at her from behind the counter. He seems upset and looks somewhere else when he sees her looking at him. Was that jealousy? She sighs. Maybe she should spend more time with Diego and kill two birds with one stone. She would be at the front row of the football team’s journey to find out the truth and maybe seeing her get close to someone else will help Justin realize he still has feelings for her. Two birds one stone. 

She hopes Alex and her are not the two birds getting killed in the end. 


	30. In a Black Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winston and Jessica realize that they share something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam – In a Black Out

The next day, Jessica hangs out at HO, alone. Alex didn’t join her at Monet’s the day before. He ditched her. His excuse? His brother was back in town and he wanted to spend time with him. One way or another she always ended up alone nowadays. 

“ _Need some company?_ ” She stares at Winston who just sat next to her. “ _The more the merrier._ ” “ _What are you working on?_ ” She shows him her algebra homework. “ _I thought you were working on something related to HO. Why do you come here instead of the library?_ ” “ _I like it here. It’s nice to be far from the crowd._ ” “ _Or far from Justin right?_ ” _That was unexpected_. She looks at him.

“ _Alex told me about the two of you. I’m sorry._ ” “ _What did he told you exactly?_ ” “ _Don’t be mad at him. He didn’t say much. Just that you two were together for quite some time before he broke up with you._ ” “ _When did Alex tell you that?_ ” “ _Yesterday. We hang out for a while._ ”

So that’s why he ditched her, to spend time with Winston.

“ _I didn’t know you two got that close._ ” “ _Yeah. He’s a really great guy. You choose your friends well. Tyler is really nice too. Well, some of them anyway. Clay is a bit much for my taste._ ”

Jessica doesn’t know if she’s redirecting her anger at Alex towards Winston or if she’s just defensive over Clay but she doesn’t think much before her next words.

“ _You’re one to talk._ ” “ _What does that mean?_ ” “ _I know you hang out with Monty back when he was alive. Talk about being a bit much._ ” “ _How do you know about that?_ ” _Shit_. She has to find a good excuse.

“ _Well, you told me when we first met. You were at a party with him and Bryce. That’s how you met Alex right?_ ” “ _That’s true, but I didn’t really know Monty at this point._ ”

“ _At this point? So you did spend more time with him?_ ” He shakes his head. It hurts to think about the time he spend with Monty before his death. Jessica can see how sad he looks.

“ _I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about this._ ” She gives him a small smile. If he was friend with Monty, it must be hard for him. “ _Thank you._ ” If he suspected something, he would say or ask something right? He has no idea. Maybe they were in the clear for now. Jessica can’t help but feel guilty. Winston obviously cared about Monty.

“ _I’m sorry._ ” She apologizes one more time, hoping somehow it would help him feel better.

“ _I’m sorry too._ ” Jessica looks at him, unsure of what he’s being sorry for.

“ _About Justin. I know how much it hurts to loose someone you love._ ” They smile at each other.

She didn’t expect it but they both shared something; the loss of a loved one. What kind of relationship did he have with Monty? She feels guilty again. She might have lost Justin but he was still alive. Monty was dead and gone. 


	31. Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's now February in Evergreen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : John and the Volta – Bad Dreams

The more time passed, the more each member of the group became isolated. 

It was now February. 

Alex continued spending more and more time with Winston. At least, that’s what Jessica thought. Alex hasn’t told her anything about it and she hasn’t confronted him about it yet. 

Winston has gotten close to Tyler too. She’s less worried about that. They are both in the yearbook club and, besides, Tyler is innocent. It’s nice for Tyler to have a new friend. She has witnessed their friendship bloom during the HO meetings. 

She has gotten quite close to Winston too, trying to keep some distance nonetheless. 

She mainly spends her time at school alone or with Diego. The two of them have grew closer. She concluded he was one of the nice jocks. By being close to him, she had the chance to follow the team’s investigation. They didn’t say much in front of her because their main suspect is still Clay and they are aware of how close she is to him. How close to him she used to be. She distanced herself from him, especially at school. One, it is the easiest way to keep avoiding Justin and two, the team trusts her more and more. She meets Clay once a week in the Jensen’s outhouse when Justin is working. She can see he’s as tormented as she is, so she does her best to reassure him, telling him only what he needs to know. 

The team investigation hasn’t lead anywhere, as expected. There’s no evidence of the framing. The only thing that could bring them closer to the truth is Winston but luckily for her and the group, Winston isn’t really the type to hang with the jocks. Zach is sometimes, and being close to Diego gave her a chance to look out for him as well. 

Diego is flirting with her a lot, and sometimes she flirts back. She’s not interested in him like that but at the same time, flirting with him is the most normal thing in her life now, and it feels nice to pretend everything is normal. 

Justin is the only one of their friends she knows nothing about and it kills her. He became a total stranger to her. After some time, she hoped they could at least be friends but that’s not what Justin wants apparently because he is avoiding her as much as she is avoiding him.

After a meeting with HO about the _Love is Love_ dance, she decides to talk to Alex. She makes her way in the courtyard where she spots him, sitting at a table. 

She sits next to him and places her hand on the table as she says “ _FML_ ” He places his hand on top of her. “ _What’s wrong?_ ” “All this _Love is Love_ bullshit.” She points at some of the decorations. “ _Sorry Jess._ ” He gives her an apologetic smile. 

“ _So, how about the two of us go to this thing together? As friends._ ” “ _No fucking way Jess._ ” “ _Come on, can we at least hang out and do something together?_ ” “ _I’m sorry Jess, but I can’t._ ” 

He feels guilty. Not long ago he had apologized about avoiding her and here he was, doing the same thing again. Well, this time it was a little different. He is not really avoiding her, he is just spending more and more time with someone else; Winston. He is not ready to tell her about his relationship with him because they aren’t just friends and he is not ready for anyone to find out yet. He needs time to understand and accept it himself first. When she sees Alex avoiding her stare it hits her. 

“ _Do you already have a date?_ ” “ _I don’t have a date, but I do have plans. I’m sorry._ ” She sighs. “ _It’s okay._ ”

It’s not okay. Her best-friend is lying to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My summaries suck a lot I know, but with chapters that small I don't think I should disclose the plot.


	32. Ordinary World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica goes to the Jensen's for her usual meeting of the week with Clay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ordinary World- Eskmo / White Sea

Jessica knows she should have waited before meeting Clay. Justin is probably still there but when Diego told her Zach had punched Clay in the cafeteria that day, she decided to talk to him as soon as she could. She’s about to knock at the door of the outhouse when Justin opens it. A few seconds pass before one of them breaks the awkward silence. 

“ _I’m sorry, I’m on my way to Monet’s. Did you want to talk to me?_ ” “ _No. No, I … I came to see Clay._ ” “ _Oh._ ” He seems disappointed. “ _How are you doing?_ ” she asks anyway, trying to act friendly. “ _I’m fine._ ” “ _Cool._ ” They both look at the ground. 

_They are so dumb_ Clay thinks, watching them from inside the outhouse. He doesn’t understand why they’re not back together.

“ _I… I should probably go._ ” Justin finally says. “ _Yeah, you should. I mean … you shouldn’t be late to work._ ” She hates how weird she is. “ _I shouldn’t._ ” He says before staring at her. She stares back. They look at each other for a few more seconds, both of them clearly wanting to say things they shouldn’t. Clay coughs to put an end to it. Justin is straddled. “ _Bye Jess._ ” He begins to leave. “ _Bye._ ”

When she enter the room, Clay looks at her with a grin. “ _You two are dumb-asses, you know that?_ ” She shrugs before sitting at the table.

“ _What happened at lunch?_ ” she changes the subject. “ _What did you hear?” “_ _Zach punched you?” “It wasn’t really a punch. It was more of a shove.”_ She rolls her eyes. “ _Why the fuck would he do that?_ ” “ _I kinda made him._ ” By the look on her face, Jessica doesn’t understand his explanation. 

“ _Someone is messing with me._ ” She invites him to go on with a nod. “ _I’ve been receiving weird phone calls for days now._ ” “ _Weird? How?_ ” “ _Someone using Monty’s phone. I have no idea who, but they claim to know the truth._ _They made me start a fight with someone, and I freaked out, so I did.””_ “ _Do you think it’s Winston?_ ” “ _I don’t. Winston wouldn’t hide behind a phone._ ” “ _What do they know?_ ” “ _That Monty was framed._ ” “ _That’s it?_ ” Jessica seems relieved. 

“ _How is that a good thing?_ ” “ _It means they don’t know shit. If they did don’t you think they would do something about it instead of harassing you?_ ” “ _Either way, I’ll get answers at the dance._ ” “ _Why? What is going to happen at the dance?_ ” “ _I have no idea but they promised me answers._ ” “ _Clay, I don’t think you should go. I think it’s just someone messing with you._ ” 

_Probably the football-team_ but she won’t give Clay anymore reason to freak out. 

“ _That’s why I should go._ _I need to find out who is doing this._ ” Clay is the most stubborn person she knows and if he decided to go there’s no way she can change his mind. “ _You need to be careful. How about I go with you and we do this together?_ ” “ _You mean… as a date?_ ” Jessica can’t help but laugh. “ _God no! As friends; allies._ ” Clay is reluctant. She will probably try to stop him but he knows it’s too late to change her mind; she’s almost as stubborn as he is. “ _Fine, but we’ll meet there. I don’t want Justin to think it’s something other than it is._ ” “ _I doubt he gives a shit, but okay._ ”

Clay shakes his head. Are the two of them completely oblivious? Of course they give a shit about each other, no matter how hard they try to hide it. 


	33. Party's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica gets asked to the dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Party's Over · Interpol

Jessica has just finished to give a speech to the football team. She didn’t want to do it at first but Bolan and the other members of HO had convince her. It went as well as expected. Luckily, Charlie and Diego had her back and defended her. Not that she needed it, but it’s always nice to know someone’s there to help. Justin had listened and rolled his eyes at the behavior of his teammates but he stayed silent. Jessica is now giving away tracts with Winston.

Justin pretends to look for something in his locker, keeping his eyes on Jess … and Diego. During their workout he heard him tell Luke he was going to ask Jess out to the dance. He is now waiting to see it happen, unsure on how to feel about it. He’s happy if it means she’s moving on but he doesn’t trust Diego. He knows he only stood up for her during her speech so she would be more inclined to accept to go to the dance with him. She deserves better than him. 

When he sees Diego march up to her, he has to refrain himself from stopping it, from running up to her and ask her to the dance himself. But he doesn’t. He watches from the sideline. 

“ _Great job Mrs President._ ” Diego tells her in a charming tone once he’s in front of her. 

Justin shakes his head. 

“ _Thank you. It was nice of you to help._ ” “ _I told you I was taking care of my boys._ ” “ _You did._ ” They both have a smile on their face. 

Justin rolls his eyes. _My boys_. Last time he checked, he and Charlie were captains of the team. 

“ _Listen Jess, I hope it’s okay if I ask but … I wanted to know if you would like to go to the dance with me tomorrow?_ ” 

Justin can’t help but scoff. Diego is playing a character. He’s known for being arrogant and self-assured.

Jessica isn’t dumb. She quickly figures out why Diego defended her in front of ‘his boys’ now. He wants something in return. Luckily for him, she was already planning on going to the dance and maybe going with him would make it easier to keep an eye on him and his friends. The fact that Justin is able to see and hear them is just an added bonus. 

“ _I would love to go to the dance with you._ ” she replies with a charming tone and smile. Probably a little too charming to seem genuine? 

Justin picks up on it, but not Diego. He’s smarter and he knows her better than anyone else. 

“ _Great. I’ll pick you up at 8?_ ” “ _8 it is._ ” He leaves the locker-room.

Jessica is about to leave as well when she realizes she’s alone with Justin but he stops her. “ _Jess, wait._ ” She puts on her best fake-smile and turns to face him. 

“ _Hey. What is it?_ ” She prays he’s going to tell her not to go with Diego, that he’s the one she should be going with. “ _I heard you are going to the dance with Diego._ ” She likes where this is going. “ _Yeah, I figured since I’m single now, I might as well...right?_ ” 

Justin understands what she’s trying to do. She wants him to object, to tell her not to. If he was following his heart he would, no question, but he’s following his head nowadays so he responds “ _You should. You deserve to have some fun and to find someone..._ ” “ _Is this why you wanted to talk to me? To give me your blessing?_ ” she interrupts him.

She was not expecting that. He doesn’t know what to say. He has actually no idea why he decided to talk to her. She looks at him, expectantly. “ _I guess yeah._ ” “ _I didn’t need it but … thanks, I guess._ ” 

She shakes her head, turns her back on him and leaves. Justin sighs and waits a few seconds before walking towards the door as well when coach Kerba calls him from his office. 


	34. Princess Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "Love is Love" dance begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Princess Diamond – Kero Uno ft. Kelsey Bulkin

Jessica and Diego arrive at the dance. Jessica spots Clay sitting alone on the bleachers with his phone in his hands. 

“ _Hey, how about you get us something to drink?_ ” she tells her date for the night. 

“ _Sure Mrs President, anything for you._ ” He gives her a charming smile and she responds with a similar one until he leaves her side and her smile drops as she begins to walk towards her friend. 

“ _I have to say I’m not surprised you got here early._ ” Clay looks up at her. 

“ _I learned the lesson since your party. I only arrived like 15 minutes ago._ ” She sits next to him. 

“ _Did you get another phone-call?_ ” 

“ _No. Not yet._ ” 

“ _Did you do anything else than sit here and wait since you’ve got here?_ ” 

“ _Not really no._ ” 

“ _You should. You’re here. You might as well try to have fun._ ” 

“ _I didn’t come here to have fun. I want answers._ ”

“ _Who says you can’t do both?_ ”

“ _Me, having fun at_ _a high-school_ _dance? That would be a first._ ” 

Jessica nods, knowing well what Clay went trough during those things before. 

Diego is now in front of the both of them and hands Jessica a cup. Clay is surprised and he looks at Jess with a perplex look. 

“ _Wanna dance?_ ” 

“ _Yes._ _Right behind you._ ” 

Diego leaves to reach the dance-floor and Jessica stands up. 

“ _This is why you came? To have fun with this guy?_ ” Clay asks her. 

“ _Like I said, we can do both Clay…_ _Just don’t do anything stupid and if someone calls you, just come get me before you answer okay?”_ She joins Diego.

Clay looks at the both of them dancing together. What the hell is she doing?

“ _You’re still friend with Clay?_ ” Diego asks her while they dance. 

“ _He was there for me in the past and he helped me a lot. He looked alone so I just quickly checked in on him._ ” 

“ _He may have helped you in the past, but he’s not innocent Jess. You know he’s got something to do with Bryce and Monty._ ” 

“ _I don’t think he does. He’s a really nice person. You just don’t know him._ ” 

“ _I know he’s hiding something._ ” 

She tries to change the subject. 

“ _You really want to spend our first date together talking about Clay?_ ” 

“ _Our first date uh?_ ” She smiles at him. 

She can see he’s about to kiss her so she speaks before he can 

“A _ren’t your friends sad you ditched them for me?_ ” 

They look at the jocks dancing a little further away from them. 

“ _No. I think they’re mostly jealous. I know Foley is at least._ ” 

“ _New rule. How about we don’t talk about either of the Jensen_ _s_ _tonight?_ ” 

“ _The Jensens?”_

_”_ _Clay and Justin.”_

_“Oh, right. Sure, anything you need milady.”_

Jessica has to refrain herself from rolling her eyes.They keep dancing. She looks around and catch Clay talking to Tyler and Tony. She’s reassured. He’s trying. 


	35. I'll Come Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the dance, Jessica gets distracted while Justin attends a meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : James Blake – I'll Come Too  
> Song 2 : SASSY 009 – Maybe in the Summer

Justin has just attended a meeting. He was pleasantly surprised to see his coach there. A part of him is. The other part thinks it will we more difficult to stop going to those without getting caught now. 

Justin approaches Kerba.

“ _Thank you...For telling me about this._ ” 

“ _You’re welcome. I know how hard it is to find a place where you feel safe_ _enough_ _to talk._ ” 

“ _I didn’t know you..._ ” Justin doesn’t finish his sentence but the coach understands where it is going. 

“ _It’s not something I’m really proud of. I’m proud to be clean don’t get me wrong, but it’s not something I just tell people._ ” 

“ _I get it. Of course, everyone knows about me so..._ ” 

“ _And you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. As long as you stay clean you have nothing to be ashamed about._ ”Justin nods but he disagrees. 

“ _I’ll try._ ” 

He doesn’t even know what he’s trying to say with this. Is he gonna try to stay clean or try to stop feeling ashamed? Both seem impossible right now. 

“ _You’re already trying. I can see that._ ” Justin nods without responding. 

There’s so much he could say but the words don’t come easy. 

“ _Isn’t there a dance tonight?_ ” Kerba continues. 

“ _Yeah, but I wasn’t actually planning on going._ ” 

“ _Don’t forget to be a kid Justin. I know parties can be hard but this is a high-school dance. It’s safe._ ” 

Justin thinks about it for a few seconds. 

“ _You need a ride home?_ ” 

“ _Yeah, I could use one. Thank you._ ” 

“ _Come on._ ”

Jessica is dancing a slow song with Diego when she sees Alex leaving the room with Winston. So he came to the dance to be with Winston? Why didn’t he tell her that? Is there something going on between the two of them? She looks at Clay who is still hanging out with Tony and Tyler. He is okay for now and she told him to tell her if someone calls him again. Maybe it’s okay for her to leave for a few minutes to follow Alex and Winston. She hates the fact she has to do that but Alex doesn’t know about Winston and until he does this seems pretty dangerous.

“ _I need another drink. Do you want anything?_ ” 

“ _No I’m good but let me get you something._ ” 

“ _Please. I think I can manage to get a drink for myself. Why don’t you join your friends and hang out with them for a bit? I’ll meet you later._ ” 

“ _Okay._ ” 

They part ways and Jessica follows Alex and his new friend.

While Kerba drives Justin home, he takes out his phone to text Clay, who decided to go the dance for some reasons. He’s worried about him.

Justin : _How is the dance going?_

Clay : _So far, pretty boring. At least the music is nice._

When Jessica arrives at the corner of the hallway on the way to the locker room she’s surprised to see Alex and Winston making out. So Alex really has a thing for boys, and so does Winston. 

_Shit_. Clay never told her specifically but that’s what he meant when he told her Winston and Monty were together. This thing is getting more and more complicated everyday. She leaves the two of them alone. She knows now that she has no other choice than to tell Alex the truth about Winston.

Justin can picture Jess dancing with Diego like he used to. He remembers the winter dance where they got drunk together. Is she drinking tonight? Hannah isn’t there to look after her this time and maybe someone should. He doesn’t trust Diego. He trusts her and she can take her of herself. Still, there’s an ache in his stomach. He needs to know.

Justin : _How is Jessica’s date going?_

This time Clay doesn’t respond.

Jessica enters the gym and catches Zach kissing a girl. They are both pretty drunk. He stumbles over her and they fall to the ground, giggling, like two drunk teenagers do. She thinks back to the winter dance where she was pretty drunk as well, giggling and dancing with Justin. That night Hannah was a good friend to her. It’s her turn to do something. She makes her way to the both of them and helps the girl get up. 

“ _Hey. Are you okay?_ ” 

“ _I’m fiiiine._ ” She’s definitely drunk. 

“ _Do you want me to drive you home? You seem pretty drunk._ ” 

“ _Jessica come on, I’m just having fun._ ” 

“ _Yeah Jess, come on, we’re just having fun._ ” Zach says while getting up. Jessica ignores him. 

“ _Oh my god! I love this song!_ ” Before Jess can react, the girl leaves to reach the dance-floor. 

Zach begins to follow her but Jess takes his arm to stop him. 

“ _What the hell is wrong with you? Aren’t you tired of putting people in these situations?_ ” 

“ _What the hell are you talking about?_ ” 

“ _You didn’t have to get this girl that drunk tonight. You didn’t have to punch Clay and you certainly didn’t need to make Alex walk on the edge of a building._ ” 

“ _I didn't make anyone do anything. Alison chose to drink. Clay messed with me, he had it coming and Alex is big enough to make his own decisions.”_

He starts to leave again but Jess stands in front of him to stop him. 

“ _Give me your keys._ ” 

“ _What?_ ” 

“ _Be a jerk, fine, but don’t be an idiot as well. Give me your keys. I’ll drive you home._ ” 

“ _Screw you Jess._ ” 

He takes a step forward and she takes a step back, crossing her arms, standing in his way. 

“ _I’m not playing games Zach. Give me your fucking keys._ ” 

He sighs. “ _I don’t have them. I came with Alex._ ” 

He came with Alex? So he didn’t lie to her to hang out with Winston but with Zach. What the hell is happening to everyone? Zach leaves her alone before she can say something else. She starts to feel dizzy and sick. She needs to go back to watch Clay but she can’t right now. She has to make a stop to the bathroom first. 

* * *

When the car stops, Justin looks at the window. Coach Kerba is parked in front of the gym. He brought him to the dance. Justin looks at him.

“ _You’re still a kid. The dance is no over yet. It’s not too late to change your mind._ ” 

Justin smiles. He’s definitely curious and worried about both Clay and Jessica. He sighs. 

“ _Thank you._ ” 

“ _You’re welcome Justin. Just remember… it’s never too late._ ” 

He exits the car and makes his way to the gym.

Jessica enters the room and is immediately worried when she doesn’t see Clay with Tony and Tyler. She makes her way to join them. 

“ _Hey guys! Have you seen Clay?_ ” 

“ _He left a little while ago to answer a call._ ” Tyler answers. 

“ _Did you see where he went?_ ” 

“ _Sorry, we were kind of busy. I didn’t pay attention. Why?_ ” 

“ _Nothing. Thanks anyway._ ”

She decides to look for Diego. She gets really afraid when she realizes he left the gym, so did all his friends. There’s no doubt in her mind now, they are the one messing with him. She has too look for them.

“ _Hey_.” 

She didn’t expect to hear Justin’s voice behind her.

“ _Hey Justin._ ” she answers while looking around the room, hoping to find a clue to where the hell Clay is. Justin notices something is not okay. 

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” 

She doesn’t want to bring him into this mess but he’s the only one of their friend not busy, drunk, or making out with someone they shouldn't make out with. 

“ _I’m worried about Clay. I think he’s in trouble._ ” 

“ _What? What makes you think that?_ ” 

“ _Come on, here._ ” 

They walk away from the crowd and sit in the corner of the bleachers. 

“ _Someone has been messing with Clay for days. They are calling him using Monty’s phone number. They told him something was going to happen tonight._ ” 

Justin understands now. 

“ _That’s why he came here tonight?_ ” She nods, with clear worry. 

“ _You knew about it so why didn’t you say something or at least tried to prevent it?_ ” 

“ _What do you mean?_ ” 

“ _I’m guessing your date as something to do about this._ ” 

“ _You don’t think I know that? Why do you think I agreed to this date in the first place?_ ” 

Justin would be so relieved if Clay wasn’t in trouble right now. 

“ _We have to find him. When’s the last time you saw him?_ ” 

They get up and walk towards the exit of the gym.

“ _I don’t know. About 20 minutes ago._ ”

Before they get any further, Clay enters the gym. He’s covered in blood and holding a knife. Justin and Jessica are shocked to see him like this. He’s shaking and looks terrified. Justin makes his way to his brother.

“ _What the fuck happened Clay?_ ” 

“ _I don’t know._ ” are the only words he’s able to say. 

Everyone in the room is looking at them. In a matter of seconds, Tony and Tyler join Clay, Justin and Jessica.

“ _We need to get you out of here._ ” Tony says. 

Justin looks at him and nods. They both put reassuring hands on Clay’s shoulders and lead him out of the gym. 

Once the three boys have left, Jessica looks around, hoping to see the boys who did this but none of them is here. She takes out her phone to call Diego. After two rings, he answers. 

“ _Where the hell are you?_ ” she begins 

“ _I’m here._ ” He says with a smiles as he reaches her in the crowd and hangs up his phone. 

She has to make a choice right now. Does she confront him about this? What good will it do? She doesn’t even know what happened yet and if she decided to get close to him in the first place it was to get information. Does she pretend nothing happened? How could she do that? She just watched one of her best friend completely terrified and he’s one of the reason why. Maybe not. She knows nothing so far. She has to keep staying close to him, at least until she figures out what happened tonight. It’s the only way she can help Clay now. Justin and Tony will take care of him. Someone has to take care of the jocks. 

“ _You know, ditching me during our first date is not a smart choice._ ” 

“ _I’m sorry Jessica. I had to take care of something with the team._ ” 

“ _Did it have something to do with Clay?_ ” 

“ _I thought you didn’t want to talk about him tonight?_ ” 

“ _You’re right. Sorry. I’m getting pretty tired_ _so_ _I should probably go home._ ” 

“ _Come on, we just reunited and you want to leave me?_ ” 

What Jessica wants right now are answers and she knows she won’t get them here. 

“ _How about you come with me? We could be just the two of us for a while._ ”

Jessica knows what she’s implying and she hates lying to him but if he’s messing with Clay she refuses to feel bad about it. 

“ _I like where your head is at Mrs President._ ” 

She takes his hand and they leave the gym. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter when I realized I simply forgot one chapter in my story. I'm so sorry I didn't catch that before. I added everything that was missing in this chapter.


	36. Start a War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay tries to explain what happened and Jessica makes a deal with Diego.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Klergy — Start a War (ft. Valerie Broussard)

The ride Tony gives Clay and Justin to their house is a silent one. None of them knows what to say. Once they arrive in the outhouse, Clay sits on his bed. Justin and Tony sit on Justin’s.

“ _Clay tell us what the fuck happened out there._ ” Tony asks in a firm tone.

“ _They told me to go the locker room._ ” 

“ _Who?_ ” Tony asks but before Clay answers, Justin does. “ _It was the football team right?_ ” Clay nods. 

“ _There was blood in the shower_ _s_ _._ ” He looks at all the fake blood on his shirt. “ _I must have slipped or something…_ _Then they told me to go to the football field.”_ He stops. He doesn’t really remember what happened to be honest. It’s all a blur to him.

_“_ _What happened when you got there?”_ Justin asks in a soft tone. 

“ _They told me it was just a prank but... they still think I killed Bryce and framed Monty._ ” 

“ _Jesus Clay, why did you came back to the dance like this and holding a fucking knife?_ ” Tony’s tone is quite blaming. 

“ _Why didn’t you told anyone about this before tonight?_ ” Justin asks. 

“ _I_ _did. I … I told Jess. We were supposed to handle it tonight but … I don’t know …_ ” Clay is still pretty shaken up by the whole thing. 

Tony gets up and starts to leave. “ _I can’t be gone too long. I left all my stuff there._ ” He looks at Justin. 

“ _Can you handle this for now?_ ” 

“ _Yeah, sure. Go._ ” 

Tony leaves. Justin looks at Clay. 

“ _Come on man, you need a shower …_ _and a change of clothes.”_

Jessica arrives with Diego at her house. She doesn’t know him that much and he may be nice with her, but she doesn’t trust him enough to be alone with him in her house. 

“ _Shit. I forgot my mom and brothers were back for the week-end. I don’t want to wake them up._ ” She lies.

“ _We can be quiet, don’t worry_.” 

“ _No, really. I’m sorry but we can’t. How about we talk here?_ ” She sits on the steps that lead to the door.

“ _Fine._ ” He joins her, clearly disappointed by the turn of events. 

“ _Did you have fun tonight?_ ” he asks her. 

“ _I was… until you and your friends decided to mess with Clay._ ” 

“ _What are you talking about?_ ”

“ _Do I look dumb to you? You always talk shit about him and he suddenly disappears tonight and so do you and the team. Once he came back, traumatized by whatever you guys did, you magically appear_ _ed_ _too._ ” 

He shakes his head. “ _It was just a stupid prank.”_

_“A prank. What kind of prank?”_

_“We made him go to the football field where we set up a dummy with a prison jumpsuit.”_

_“How is that a prank? Aren’t pranks supposed to be funny?”_

_“_ _Not this one. We wanted to see how he would react and trust me, that guy is hiding something. He freaked out.”_

_“Yeah, because you’ve been messing with him for days.”_

_“You knew about that?”_

_“I knew someone was messing with him. I didn’t think it was you. I thought you were better than that.”_ She hopes her answer is going to boost his ego enough for him to keep trusting her. 

“ _I’m sorry. I know you like him._ ” 

“ _I’m going to be honest with you Diego. If you want us to become a thing, you need to stop messing with him._ ” He takes a few seconds to think about it. 

“ _I’m not going to stop you trying to get justice for Monty if you think he was framed but don’t include Clay into all this. He’s innocent. You can trust me._ ” 

“ _Are you saying if I stop messing with Jensen you’_ _ll_ _agree to date me?_ ” 

Why did she have to say that? 

“ _Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean._ ” She gives him a charming smile, hoping it will help him make a decision.

“ _You really think he’s innocent?_ ” 

“ _I don’t think. I know he is. He wouldn’t hurt anyone._ ” 

“ _Deal_.” He whispers to her as he gets closer to her face and drops a kiss on her lips. 

Well, if Diego keeps his end of the deal, Clay is going to be left alone. Her plan was to help him and it is now done but she wishes she had another idea than trading herself for her friend’s safety. How is she going to get out of this mess? 


	37. Broken parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what happened at the dance, everything seems to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Clide – Broken parts

When Jessica got out of her car this morning she didn’t expect to find Diego waiting for her in front of the school. She makes her way to him. 

“ _Good morning._ ” He kisses her. 

“ _Good morning._ ” She answers with a smile. 

She hoped she could keep this relationship in the dark a little longer but apparently Diego is proud to display it in front of the school. He takes her hand and they enter the building.

Justin is talking with Clay when he sees Jessica and Diego walk by them, holding hands. His heart skips a beat. He knew she would eventually move on but not only is this fast, it’s also with Diego, of all people.

“ _What the fuck is she doing?_ ” Clay asks when he sees them stop at Jessica’s locker a little further. 

Justin shrugs. It’s not his place to say anything about Jessica’s love life, no matter how wrong this seems.

“ _Seriously? You’re okay with her dating this guy after what he did to me?_ ”

“ _I just don’t think I should have a say when it comes to who she decides to date._ ” 

“ _It has nothing to do with dating. She shouldn’t even be friends with him._ ” 

Again, Justin’s only response is a shrug. It hurts him enough to see them together, he doesn’t want to think or talk about it. 

“ _When is the meeting about your punishment?_ ” 

“ _Later this morning._ ” 

Clay hasn’t been punished yet for what happened at the dance. Neither did the jocks. Bolan wanted to get all the facts and everyone version of the story before making any decision. He ended up letting the student council decide their fate today.

Jessica is barely listening to Diego. She knows Clay and Justin saw them and she wonders what they might be thinking of her right now. _Worst friend ever_. 

“ _I hope dating you will help today._ ” 

“ _Excuse me?_ ” She looks at him, surprised by his comment. 

“ _Do you really think I will protect you and your friends because we’re dating now?_ ” 

“ _I hoped so. I mean … it’s not why I chose to date you but..._ ” 

“ _I’m sorry but you know what I think about what you guys did. When Bolan asked me I told him it was just a really distasteful prank but you still broke the rule by bringing a knife to school._ ” 

“ _Thank you about that. I know you’re the main reason we’re being punished by the student council and not Bolan himself.”_

“ _You’re welcome. But don’t get your hopes up. I doubt you’ll go unpunished._ ” 

“ _I know. What about Jensen?_ ” 

“ _Listen, I don’t know. I don’t make the rules. I’m just one person. I have no idea what is going to happen later okay?_ ” Jessica seems pissed of. Diego tries to bring a smile to her face. 

“ _It would be a shame if I couldn’t be there for the camping trip._ ” 

He kisses her cheek and whispers in her ear. 

“ _I have some ideas of how we could spend time._ ” 

“ _Shut up._ ” She jokes as she shoves him a little. With the corner of her eye she can see Alex walking in the hallway with Winston. She wants to join them but the bell rings. 

“ _I’ll see you later._ ” Diego tells her before leaving her side. 

She closes her locker when Clay arrives at her side. 

“ _Would you care to explain?_ ” 

“ _Explain what?_ ” 

She knows what he means but she has to act casual about it. It needs to seem like a genuine relationship and not a trap she trapped herself in. 

“ _Come on Jessica. Diego, really? You know what happened and you know why he did it._ ” 

“ _I think they just intended as a prank at first but they saw your reaction and it got bigger and bigger until the dance._ ” 

“ _So what? It’s my fault?_ ” 

“ _No Clay. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying there’s no need for any of us right now to act like this is more than a stupid prank that’s gone wrong._ ” 

He understands what she means. The last thing they need is the school investigating the details of what happened and mostly the reason why it happened, and worked. 

“ _I agree, but what are you doing with Diego?_ ” 

“ _Having fun. Is this something I’m still allowed to do?_ ” 

Clay doesn’t like her answer. She is allowed to have fun of course but there’s other ways to do it. 

“ _I would just prefer if you had fun with someone else._ ” 

Jessica shakes her head. 

“ _You know Clay, I would love to be able to have fun with someone else too but he decided to dump me instead._ ” 

She leaves to get to class. 


	38. Stop Asking Me To Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica and Diego have a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : James Arthur – Stop Asking Me To Come Back

Jessica and Diego exit the Cresmont where they just had a date. They walk side by side in the street. 

“ _It sucks I won’t be at school for a week. I mean, I’m fine with no class for a few days but that means we won’t get to see each other as much._ ” 

“ _You got lucky by being suspended for a week. It could and probably should have been more._ ” 

“ _Are you seriously disappointed I didn’t get punished more?_ ” 

She laughs. 

“ _No, I didn’t say it like that. I’m glad you didn’t get suspended longer._ ” 

“ _And I’m very, very glad I’ll be able to join the camping trip._ ” 

He stops and brings her closer to him. She puts her arms around his neck. She never kisses him. Well, he kisses her and she kisses back but everytime she does, all she can think about is how wrong all of this is. How wrong it is to kiss Diego and not the boy she loves. How wrong it is to be with Diego only to get answer and protect her friends. None of this is fair to her, to Diego and to Clay. Yet, she’s trapped. She is so lost in her thoughts she doesn’t even realize they start walking again. 

“ _Coffee?_ ” Diego asks, pointing at Monet’s. 

“ _I don’t actually..._ ” before she can finish her sentence, Diego has already lead her inside. “ _...drink coffee._ ” she finishes anyway in a whisper. 

_Shit. Justin is working tonight_. She had memorize his schedule when they were together and it didn’t change. They make their way to the counter. 

“ _What can I get you two?_ ” Justin asks in a detached tone. 

Diego looks at the menu. “ _I’ll take … a latte and Jessica will have..._ ” 

Diego looks at Jessica, waiting for her response. 

Before she says anything, Justin asks her with a smile “ _Hot chocolate?_ ” 

She nods and returns the smile. Diego is confused by the exchange. 

“ _I’ll bring these to you. You can sit down._ ” Justin nods towards the tables.

“ _Why did you bring us here Diego?_ ” 

“ _I thought you liked this place. I’ve noticed you here many times before we actually started hanging out._ ”

How can she explain to him she still likes this place but it’s the boy behind the counter she doesn’t really want there during their date? 

Justin puts the two mugs on their table. “ _Enjoy._ ” He says before leaving the two of them alone. 

Jessica is starting to get angry. One of the many reasons she decided to start hanging out with Diego was to make Justin jealous but from the looks of it he doesn’t give a shit. He acted like he would have if she came here with Alex or Clay.

“ _Crazy enough but you talked way more during our movie._ ” Diego tries to joke. 

“ _I’m sorry. It’s just..._ ” 

“ _Justin?”_ he cuts her off. 

“ _Yeah._ ” 

“ _He seems to be okay about us and I always thought you were too good for him anyway so… His loss. Now you’ve got me to take care of you._ ” He takes her hand. 

The fact that Justin seems okay about it is the problem. Does Diego really think he’s better than Justin? Does he really think she needs to be taken care of? She needs to be loved. Loved by the one she loves. She can’t help but look at Justin when the thoughts pile up in her brain.

Jessica is sitting with Diego and they are holding hands. Justin looks at the both of them. He wonders if they really have feelings for each other, if this is it, if Jessica’s heart has been taken by another. She turns to look at him. They stare at each other for a few seconds before she breaks the gaze and looks back at Diego. 

He tried his best tonight to hide his jealousy but he feels he might break and just walk to their table and punch Diego in the face. He looks at his coworker and makes a sign implying he’s taking a break. He needs to get out of here for a few minutes. 

Once in the ally behind the coffeeshop he punches the wall. “ _Fuck!_ ”. It hurt as much as it helped. 


	39. The Wisp Sings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in the group receives an email from Clay. Jessica decides to talk to Clay about it. In the meantime, Justin is going through his own problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Winter Aid – The Wisp Sings

Jessica just came home from her date when her phone rings.

_Guys, I know everyone of you is a good person. You’ve kept my secrets, and I’ve kept yours… but we’ve all done terrible things. I can’t live with that anymore. I can’t keep looking over my shoulder. I can’t live like this. We can’t live like this. I’m sure a lot of you feel the same way. Something has to change. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if we just tell the truth? We hurt people, and it’s time to come clean. If we don’t all confess to what we did, I’m going to tell everyone the truth at the senior share campfire._

__

Jessica can’t believe it when she reads the email Clay has just send everyone in their group. Of course, not a single school event can just go without problem. Is Clay serious? Is he going to tell everyone everything? She understands where he’s coming from, everyday she thinks about coming clean with what happened. She feels guilty and if it was just about her she would have come clean sooner but she can’t do that to Alex and everyone else who got involved with this cover-up. What is she supposed to do? Justin’s shift has ended by now and there’s a good chance he’s back home. She doesn’t wanna see him again tonight but she has to talk to Clay. She gets a text.

Alex : _WTF???_

Jessica _: I’m going over there to talk to him. Don’t worry._

She picks up her bag from her bed and makes her way downstairs. She is extremely tired but rest isn’t something she can afford these days.

She knocks on the outhouse door. No response. She knocks again. There is light inside which means at least one of them is here right now. Still, no response. She knocks again.

“ _Clay!_ ” She calls, hoping it will help.

Apparently it does, because a few seconds later Clay opens the door. He looks as tired as she is.

“ _Thank god. What the hell what that?_ ” She asks, holding her phone.

“ _I don’t know._ ”

She looks at him, confused. He continues.

“ _I didn’t wrote … or send this._ ”

“ _How is that possible?_ ”

She looks at him, hoping for him to invite her inside to continue the conversation, but he doesn’t. He’s standing in the way, clearly not planning on inviting her in.

“ _Is Justin here?_ ” She asks, thinking maybe it’s the reason she’s not allowed in.

“ _No. He’s still at work._ ”

Jessica knows his schedule and his shift ended. The only explanation is that he doesn’t wanna see her. She tries anyway.

“ _Can I come in?_ ”

“ _I don’t think you should._ ”

She can’t do anything about it so she continues the discussion anyway.

“ _If you didn’t send this that means someone else did right?_ ”

“ _Someone did, yes._ ”

He looks at her with a judging look.

“ _What?_ ” She asks, feeling the blame on her.

“ _You should have gone to your boyfriend instead of coming here. He probably has more answers for you than I have._ ”

She sighs.

“ _This wasn’t Diego._ ”

Clay scoffs.

“ _Wow. Do you seriously trust him?_ ”

Jessica can’t explain the deal she made with Diego. She doesn’t trust him no, but she does trust the fact he’ll leave Clay alone if she keeps her end of the bargain. She spend a good amount of time with him tonight and nothing seems to indicate he had a part in this.

“ _I do. He told me he was done messing with you._ ”

“ _Are you that gullible?_ ”

Jessica feels dumb. Maybe she’s not the one using him. Maybe Diego uses her as well. No. She trusts her judgment. Diego really seems to like her and he promised her.

“ _Maybe it was Winston._ ”

Clay doesn’t like to see that happening again. It seems Jess has been completely brainwashed by her boyfriend again. Just like Justin had done after the tapes. He kind of feels bad for her.

“ _Maybe. There’s a chance it was him and not the football team._ ”

She nods. She knows the discussion won’t go any further. Clay resents her for going out with Diego and it’s not difficult to see that. She figured it would happen once she agreed to date him.

“ _Anyway, if we keep acting normal and don’t let them get to our heads it should be fine._ ”

She hopes Clay understands what she tries to say. Clay is the one letting them getting in his head right now. Well, it works on her too but she has been able to hide it for now, unlike him.

“ _Yeah, thanks for the advice._ ”

He closes the door in her face.

She stays a few seconds looking at the closed door. Justin doesn’t want to see her. Clay doesn’t. Zach hates her. Ani is gone. Alex is avoiding her. As much as it pains her to think about it, Diego is the only person who seems to enjoy her company right now.

She gets into her car but she doesn’t leave. She thinks about Justin. He didn’t seem too hostile to her at Monet’s earlier. Why would he refuse to see her now? Maybe Clay told the truth. Maybe he’s not home. If he’s not home, where is he? He’s not at work and she’s sure of that. In a second, her mind goes to every possible scenario and somehow it always ends up with Justin buying drugs, Justin using, Justin dying. She can’t leave now. She’ll wait until she sees him come home. While she waits, she decides to text Alex.

Jessica : _Clay didn’t send this. Someone probably hacked his account._

Alex : _Someone? Who?_

Jessica : _Idk but there’s no need to worry._

 _Isn’t there?_ No matter if it was the jocks or Winston. One way or another, someone wasn’t going to let them forget about it. Tomorrow, at the camping trip, things could go wrong. She plans on telling Alex the truth about Winston tomorrow and she knows it’s not going to be an easy discussion. She knows Diego expects things to go further between the two of them tomorrow. Another thing that won’t be easy to deal with. She thinks back at Spring Fling, the last time she felt like things could really get easier and that maybe she could be happy. Her eyes begins to shut down. She’s so fucking tired; physically and emotionally. 

Justin didn’t came home right away after work. He has been receiving texts by someone from his past lately. He decided to go trough his old neighborhood and tried to decide what to do about it. He spend a long time there, just sitting in his car, waiting for the answers to come to him, but they didn’t and when he realized it was getting late, he left. He didn’t want his parents or brother to worry about him. 

When he arrives in front of his new home he recognizes Jessica’s car parked in front of it. He decides to wait a few seconds, hoping she’ll leave before he arrives at the outhouse. He shakes his head. He can’t keep avoiding her like. This stops now. He gets out of the car but when he passes Jessica’s he sees her asleep behind the wheel.

Jessica is woken up by a knock on her car window. Justin looks at her, worried. She brings her window down.

“ _Jess it’s pretty late. What are you doing here?_ ”

She looks at the time on her phone. She must have been asleep for at least an hour.

“ _I came to see Clay. I must have fallen asleep_ _before I left_ _._ ”

He still seems worried.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

Part of her wants to say no, wants to explain everything that’s going on in her life, wants to weep on his shoulder for hours while he listens and comforts her. She knows it’s not an option anymore.

“ _Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. Where were you?_ ”

He’s startled by her question and she picks up on it.

“ _I was … at… at a meeting._ ”

He’s lying. He always stutters like this when he lies or when he’s really uncomfortable.

“ _Oh. That’s … that’s good._ ” She answers with a smile.

He doesn’t seem high. There is a possibility he really was at a meeting. Maybe she doesn’t know him as well as she thought. Not anymore.

“ _I should probably go. This camping trip is going to be a lot. I might use some sleep._ ”

“ _You should, but are you sure you’re okay to drive home?_ ”

 _He cares._ Jessica smiles. That’s the first time since they broke up that Justin seems to care about her. It fills her heart.

“ _I’m sure. I don’t live that far you know._ ”

“ _I know._ ” He answers with a tender smile.

He remembers well where she lives. He sneaked out of the Jensen’s many time before to walk to Jessica’s house.

“ _See you tomorrow Justin._ ”

“ _Bye Jess._ ”

He walks to the sidewalks and watches her leave.

She’s the only person he wants to talk to about where he was tonight but now that he broke up with her it seems unfair to run to her if he really needs someone to talk to. He makes his way towards the outhouse. Right now, he needs to talk to Clay about this crazy e-mail. 


	40. Meet Me in the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Senior Camping Trip begins !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Meet Me in the Woods · Lord Huron

Once everyone arrived at the camping site, they each began to prepare for the night. Jessica is now trying to install the tent she’s supposed to share with Alex. Alex left a while ago to get the rest of their stuff in his father’s car and it doesn’t take long before she realizes he stood her up again to spend time with Winston who disappeared from the camp site as well. She starts to feel dizzy and sits down on the ground, tired of everything. She watches Tony and Tyler further away from where the tents are set up. It’s nice to see some friendships withstand the test of time.

“ _Need a hand?_ ” Diego offers.

“ _It’s that obvious?_ ” She pouts as she shows the advances she made on the tent.

He laughs.

“ _Like I told you before, I’m here for you._ ” He extends his hand to help her stand up but she doesn’t take it.

“ _I don’t feel well. I should stay seated for a bit._ ”

“ _What’s wrong?”_ He sits next to her.

“ _I just shouldn’t have skipped breakfast this morning. It’s not a big deal._ ”

He stands up in a hurry.

“ _I have the perfect thing to help you right now!_ ”

He leaves and she giggles as he does. She has a hard time believing the charming man who hangs out with her is the same moron who harassed Clay. He quickly comes back but he’s not alone.

“ _How is Charlie supposed to help?_ ”

“ _He’s not. His cookies are._ ”

Charlie hands her a box of cookies.

“ _Granola camp cookie?_ ”

She smiles and takes one but before she eats it she says “ _These are not your special recipe I hope._ ”

Charlie chuckles. “ _They are not. Basic simple granola camp cookies._ ”

She chews and finishes it in a few seconds. “ _Oh my god Charlie. These are no basic and simple cookies. It’s so fucking good._ ”

Charlie does a little bow, proud of himself and his cooking abilities. Diego looks at her, waiting for a thank you.

“ _Okay, I have to admit. You did pretty well Diego. Thank you._ ”

Charlie hands her the box again. She takes another one.

“ _Thank you._ ”

“ _You’re welcome. I know cookies can help in every situation._ ” Charlie says before he leaves.

“ _Should we try to fix that now?_ ” Diego points at the tent.

She gets up and they work on it.

Once the tent is set up, they both sit inside it.

“ _Do you feel better?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I do._ ”

“ _Yo, Diego! Are you ready or what?_ ” Luke asks him as he approaches them with two other members of the team.

“ _I’ll be there in a second._ ”

They leave.

“ _I have to go help them with something._ ”

“ _With what?_ ”

She fears it has something to do with Clay again. When he doesn’t respond she knows it must be it.

“ _Are you planning to mess with Clay again?_ ”

“ _Why do you care so much about him?_ ”

“ _I thought we had a deal._ ”

“ _And is this the only reason you’re with me?_ ”

_Yes._ Yes would be her answer if she was totally honest with him but she can’t.

“ _You know it’s not. We’re having a lot of fun together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about the deal._ ”

Diego doesn’t seem to like her answer.

“ _Come on, if you mess with him again, you’ll get in trouble._ ”

“ _With the school or with you?_ ”

“ _Both. You can’t be dating me and harassing my friend at the same time. I don’t see why it’s so hard to get._ ”

“ _I promise you, this isn’t about Clay okay?_ ”

He gives her a quick kiss before getting up.

“ _Okay. I’ll see you later then?_ ”

He squats in front of her and whispers seductively.

“ _You definitely will._ ”

He kisses her one last time before leaving.

After the first campfire of the week-end, Jessica and Alex are both laid down in the tent. None of them ready to speak to the other. Jessica has to tell him about Winston but she’s too tired to have this conversation now. Alex wants to confront her about her relationship with Diego but he doesn’t, because he feels shitty about lying to her regarding his own relationship. They both lay down in silence, until Jessica speaks.

“ _Do you_ _want_ _us to do the treasure hunt together tomorrow?_ ”

They’ll be alone in the woods, perfect time for a conversation.

“ _Sure. I’d love to._ ”

“ _Great._ ”

They fall silent gain until Alex breaks it this time.

“ _It would be nice to..._ ” 

He looks at Jessica but she’s already asleep. 


	41. In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Clay get into an argument, so do Alex and Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : In My Head · Bedroom

The next day, everyone is paired up with a partner. Lainie and Mr Standall gave them instructions, a compass and a map with the clues they need.

Justin is walking in front of Clay, compass in hand.

“ _Have you ever used one of these before? Because I have._ ” Justin keeps walking.

“ _I’m not dumb. I know how it works. You take care of the clues and I’ll take care of this okay?”_

“ _Why are you so worried?”_

Justin stops and turns to look at his brother.

“ _I’m not.”_

He lies. He knows about the prank the team does to someone every year and it would make sense for them to target Clay this year.

“ _Is this about the email? I told you it wasn’t me.”_

“ _I know. I trust you.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah, really, but someone wants shit to go down on this trip and you really need to get your shit together. Why did you confront Diego yesterday?”_

“ _Are you serious? I’m not the one causing problems for us. He is and I’m the one everyone blames?”_

“ _I’m not blaming you. It’s just...”_

“ _Are you going to finally blame Jessica too?”_

Justin just shakes his head. He has no idea what Clay is saying.

“ _Or maybe you could blame yourself for that. If you hadn’t broken up with her for no fucking reason she wouldn’t be dating Diego now._ ”

“ _What difference would it even make?_ ”

“ _I don’t know._ ”

Clay walks past Justin and takes the lead.

“ _I’m tired of everyone looking at me and talking to me like I’m a basket case ready to explode. What about all of you? What about you? I’m crazy but you’re the one who changed lately. You act like everything is perfect in your little bubble..._ ” Clay is surprised that Justin let him go this far without interrupting him and he doesn’t seem to be following him either. He turns around and Justin is gone. He walks to where he was standing just moments ago and the only trace left of him is the compass on the ground. “ _Justin!_ ” He calls. Again and again. “ _Justin!_ ”

“ _Justin!_ ”

Jessica and Alex stop walking when they hear Clay shouting his brother’s name.

“ _What the fuck?_ ” Alex asks.

“ _That was Clay right?_ ” Alex nods as a respond.

“ _Fuck. Diego told me they wouldn’t mess with him._ ”

“ _You just believe everything he tells you?_ ”

“ _I don’t but I believed him this time._ ”

“ _You shouldn’t Jess._ ”

“ _I know. About that..._ ”

“ _What is it?_ ”

“ _I saw you with Winston at the dance._ ”

“ _Oh._ ”

Alex feels bad she had to find out herself before he had a chance to tell her.

“ _I know you’ve been spending a lot of time with him and that you’ve lied to me to spend time with him and..._ ”

“ _I’m so sorry Jess. I wanted to tell you about it but..._ ”

“ _It’s okay, I understand. I also know you are more than friends and I understand why you didn’t tell me at first._ ”

“ _How do you know?_ ”

“ _I told you, I saw you at the dance._ ”

“ _Yeah but it’s not like..._ ” He realizes what she means. “… _Did you spy on us?_ ”

“ _I’m sorry I did it. I wish I could have found out another way… but it’s not like the two of us spend a lot of time together lately._ ”

“ _I know, I know. I’m sorry… How about we change that now and I tell you everything you want to know?”_

He sits on a tree’s trunk. Jessica sits beside him.

“ _What are you exactly? You and Winston?_ ”

“ _To be honest, I don’t really know. We haven’t discussed it yet but… I like him very much._ ”

He has a big smile on his face. Jessica’s heart breaks when she sees it. She wishes things could be different and she didn’t have to break his heart.

“ _There’s something you should know about him._ ”

Alex looks at her with fear in his eyes.

“ _He can alibi Monty for the night of Bryce’s death._ ”

“ _What? How is this possible?_ ”

“ _They were together that night. Him and Monty._ ”

“ _What do you mean together?_ ”

Jessica doesn’t respond right away and Alex understands why.

“ _How long have you known?_ ”

“ _It doesn’t matter, but I think you shouldn’t keep being this close with him._ ”

“ _Does he know what I did?_ ”

“ _No, I don’t think he does._ ”

“ _So why should I stop whatever this is? He makes me happy._ ”

“ _I understand that, but I don’t think it’s a good idea..._ ”

“ _Are you kidding me? What about you?_ ”

“ _What about me? What do you mean?_ ”

“ _You probably shouldn’t be sleeping with Diego either but I don’t force you to end things with him._ ”

“ _Alex, I..._ ”

“ _Maybe you’d prefer to go back to Justin? The one reason we’re all in this mess?_ ”

“ _What the hell do you mean?_ ”

“ _If he would have been there that night, I never would have gone to the peer with you._ ”

“ _Come on Alex, leave Justin out of this. This has nothing to do with him._ ”

“ _It doesn’t? Who introduced Bryce in our fucking life if not Justin?_ ”

“ _Okay, Alex. I get your point. We can’t change any of this. We only have control over what happens now okay?”_

“ _And I have to give up my happiness for you to feel better?”_

“ _You know that’s not what I mean! Winston knows we lied. He might be using you to get to the truth.”_

He chuckles.

“ _Don’t you see the irony? Diego is probably doing the same exact thing with you and you just let him control you. Just like you let Justin control you in the past.”_

“ _Fuck you Alex.”_

He stands up and leaves her alone. 


	42. I Don't Want You Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica isn't alone for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : AJ Mitchell – I Don't Want You Back

“ _Do any of the seniors understand what it means to stay in pairs?”_

Jessica turns around. Charlie and Justin are standing behind her.

She wipes the tears on her face.Justin gives a look to Charlie.

“ _I’ll give you two a moment. I’ll be waiting … over there.”_ He awkwardly says before giving the two of them some privacy.

Justin sits beside Jessica.

“ _What happened?_ ”

“ _Just a stupid fight with Alex._ ”

“ _I doubt it was just a stupid fight if you ended up crying._ ”

She doesn’t answer.

“ _What did you fight about?_ ”

_You_. The fight wasn’t only about Justin, but it’s this part of the fight that lead her to cry.

“ _It was about … Diego._ ”

“ _Oh._ ”

Justin thinks that maybe she really have feelings for him if she ends up crying over something related to him. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t wanna know anything about it, but he can’t bare to see her cry either.

“ _What did he say?_ ”

“ _What everyone probably think. He’s just using me to get information._ ”

Justin himself has thought about this possibility.

“ _Do you think it’s true?_ ”

“ _I don’t know._ ”

“ _Well… if you really like him..._ ”

“ _What are you doing?_ ” She interrupts him.

“ _Wha..._ ”

“ _What are we doing? What is this?_ ” She cuts him off again.

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _Us. You. At first you act like you don’t want to see me ever again, then you act so nice to me like nothing happened, after that you avoided me and completely cut me of your life and now you just want to talk about Diego like… I don’t know... I can’t keep doing that Justin.”_

“ _Then what do you want?”_

_You._ It’s the only thing she knows for sure. It’s the only thing she wants more than anything. It’s also the only thing she knows she won’t get.

“ _I know it’s over. I know there’s no going back... I just don’t want you to become a stranger._ ”

Justin nods.

“ _I’m still here.”_

“ _Maybe … maybe we should try to be friends._ ”

“ _We are._ ”

Jessica rolls her eyes at him.

“ _We are. It wasn’t easy for me to figure out what you wanted from me after everything… but if you want us to be friends… we can be._ ”

He is happy to know Jessica might be more present in his life now, even if it goes against everything he thought he wanted a few weeks ago. As time passed, he realized that as long as they’ll both be breathing, there’s no way he can stay away from her and keep her out of his life. She is a part of his life. The most important part.

“ _Okay. Friends?_ ”

She extends her hand to him.

“ _Friends._ ”

He shakes her hand.

“ _Come on, let’s join Cookies before he gets lost._ ”

Jessica stands up and Justin follows her.

As they walk towards Charlie, Jessica realizes they didn’t leave the campsite together this morning so she asks.

“ _Why are the two of you together? What happened to Clay? And Zach?_ ”

They both look at her and she understands Diego definitely lied to her. Only now she looks directly at Justin’s face.

“ _What did they do to you?_ ”

She doesn’t even think about it until her hand reaches for his face.

Jessica’s hand on his face sends chills in his spine. They look intensely at each other. Being friends is going to be hard.

“ _It’s nothing._ ”

He takes a step back.

“ _Beechers and some other guys held me down. I guess they wanted to separate me and Clay._ ”

“ _We were on our way to the shack where the team usually takes their victim when we found you._ ”

“ _Okay, then let’s go. If they’re messing with Clay again we should probably hurry._ ” 


	43. Dancing and Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to keep tab of who messes with who at this Senior Camping Trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Low – Dancing and Blood

Charlie, Justin and Jessica arrive at the shack.

“ _Shit, there’s one on in here._ ” Justin is disappointed they didn’t find them.

“ _Should we go back and tell Lainie and Bill?_ ” Jessica asks.

“ _If we stay here they’ll eventually show up._ ” Charlie responds.

“ _It’s probably best if we don’t tell them for now. There’s no need to panic just yet._ ” Justin tries to reassure them.

“ _Really?_ ” Jessica asks as the door slams. 

The three of them jump out of surprise.

“ _What the fuck?_ ” Justin screams.

Diego and Luke just joined them.

“ _Where is Clay?_ ” he asks the boys as he marches towards them.

“ _We don’t know._ ” Diego answers.

“ _Fuck you, you don’t know._ ”

“ _Come on, what did you do to him?_ ”

Jessica tries to interfere. Diego is surprised to see her here.

“ _You said you wouldn’t mess with him. Where is he?_ ”

“ _We don’t know okay? We just fucked with the clues._ ” Diego defends himself.

“ _We switched the clues to send people to the wrong place, that’s it._ ” Luke ads.

“ _There’s shit out there that is not us._ ”

“ _Seriously man? Give it up._ ” Charlie gets frustrated with the lies.

They hear muffled screams coming from outside the shack.

“ _What the fuck is that?_ ” Jessica starts to be afraid.

“ _Come on Jesus, enough with your stupid pranks._ ” Justin is getting angry.

“ _It’s not us!_ ” Diego explains.

The door slams open and Beecher falls to the ground in front of them without pants on. Diego and Luke help him up.

“ _Do you believe us now?_ ” Luke asks the three of them.

“ _Should we go back to the camp now?_ ” Charlie asks.

“ _There’s no way I’m going out there right now._ ” Jessica answers as she sits on one of the bed.

They are all too scared to leave so they decide to sit and wait for now.

Diego makes his way to Jessica and sits next to her.

“ _What the fuck were you doing with Foley?_ ”

“ _What the fuck did you do to Clay?_ ”

“ _Nothing. Can’t you see someone came after us? We went back to our tent and someone has fucked it up and stole our shit._ ”

“ _What about Justin?_ ”

Diego is getting angry.

“ _What about him?_ ”

“ _Didn’t you guys messed with him?_ ”

“ _It was just part of the prank. We wanted to separate people so they’ll be more frightened. We didn’t hurt him.”_

She shakes her head.

“ _We didn’t plan to do anything to you and Alex, but apparently you found your way to Foley anyway without any help._ ”

“ _Fuck you._ ”

She gets up and is ready to leave when Charlie stops her.

“ _We should probably all stay together if it turns out these dumb-asses aren’t lying.”_

“ _Fine._ ”

She sits on the ground in the corner of the shack. Charlie joins her.

“ _Do you want another cookie?_ ”

She laughs.

“ _Wow. You were right, they can really save any shitty situation._ ”

The quiet doesn’t last. There’s a metal sound just outside the walls. They all stand up and try to figure out where the sound is coming from. The sound just gets louder and louder. Diego tries to open the door but it’s locked from the outside.

“ _Okay, we’re scared. Enough, please!_ ” Jessica shouts at whoever is out there.

There’s a metallic scraping sound coming from outside one of the walls. The sound is now coming from just outside the window. Someone seems to be thumping a metallic object against the closed shutter. Jessica is tired to be scared.

She walks towards the window saying “ _Hey, fuck off asshole!_ ” 

Justin takes her arm to stop her from advancing further.

There’s no response and the sound continues a little, until it stops, but just a few seconds before there’s a loud bang against the wall. The light inside the shack turns off.

Jessica takes Justin’s hand and he brings her closer to him.

After that, the sound disappears and whoever decided to prank them leaves.

They all catch their breath. Jessica and Justin realize they’ve been holding onto each other and they let go.

Every one of them sits down again, relieved the nightmare stopped.

Jessica joins Diego. She hopes he didn’t see how she immediately chose Justin when she got scared when she could have just as easily took his hand.

Justin sees Jessica leaving his side to join Diego. He has to accept this new reality; Diego is her boyfriend, he is now one of Jessica’s friend. The fact she took his hand when the light went off have nothing to do with him, he was just the closest to her. Right? He sits beside Charlie.

There’s a loud banging on the door. They all get up once again. The door opens and they all scream, extremely scared.

Zach walks in and they only recognize him after a few of his steps place him in front of the light coming from one of the windows.

“ _This thing is getting all kind of fucked up._ ” he simply says.

“ _We’re so out of here._ ” Luke goes to the door and his friends follow him, including Diego.

Jessica scoffs. He didn’t even thin twice before leaving her behind.

“ _We probably should go back to the camp too._ ”

Justin begins to leave but Zach stops him.

“ _No. We gotta talk._ ” Zach ads as he closes the door. 


	44. Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the fuck is Clay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : IO Echo – Harm

Charlie and Justin sit on a bench and Jessica sits on the table behind them. They all wait for Zach to talk.

“ _What the fuck did you told Alex?_ ” He asks Jessica.

She sighs. They are all going to find out Clay and her have been keeping things from them.

“ _Do you mean about Winston?_ ”

“ _What about Winston?_ ” Charlie tries to understand.

“ _Winston knows we framed Monty. He was with him that night._ ”

They all look at her.

“ _What does it have to do with Alex?_ ” Justin asks.

Jessica looks at Zach, she doesn’t want to out him like this but Zach is tired of their secrets and he explains.

“ _Alex and him sort of started dating._ ”

“ _That’s why I told Alex the truth earlier but… he didn’t take it well._ ” Jessica explains.

“ _No shit. Why would you tell him that?_ ” Zach blames her.

“ _I didn’t want him to get hurt, to find out another way..._ ”

“ _You didn’t have to push him to end things with him. He’s heartbroken. You know how bad he feels about himself. Why would you suggest Winston was only with him to get information?_ ”

Jessica feels guilty. That’s how he interpreted it even so that’s not what she meant.

“ _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I was trying to help him._ ”

“ _Anyway, now we’re fucked. Sorry. More fucked._ ”

“ _Does Winston know Alex did it?_ ” Charlie asks but before anyone can respond, there’s someone else banging on the door.

Justin, Jessica and Charlie have not completely calm down and are again completely scared so Zach sighs and goes to open the door. It’s Tony. He enters and joins them.

“ _Diego told me you were all in here. What the fuck is happening?_ ”

“ _Winston Williams can alibi Monty._ ” Zach tells him.

“ _Tyler’s new friend?_ ”

“ _Yeah. He knows Monty didn’t kill Bryce because he was with him that night. Oh, and top of that, Clay and Jessica knew about it and didn’t say they shit._ ”

“ _I’m sure they were just trying to protect us._ ” Justin says as he looks at Jessica.

She nods, agreeing with the statement.

“ _Big surprise, you guys failed._ ” Zach responds.

“ _So, the email, that was Winston? Do you think it means he’s going to say something tonight?_ ” Charlie asks, hoping to get to the bottom of the truth.

“ _We have no way of knowing for sure if it was him._ ” Tony explains.

“ _Honestly, it could have been any of us. It could be anyone._ ” Justin tries to reason.

“ _Including you?_ ” Zach asks him.

“ _Yeah Zach, including me. So are we gonna fucking fall apart about it, or are we gonna trust each other?_ ”

“ _Hey kids._ ”

They are interrupted by Bill who is now standing at the door. They all look at him. He can sense something has been going on between them.

“ _Everything okay? Shall we get back to camp?_ ”

They stand up, knowing they won’t be able to finish this conversation now.

They arrive at the campfire when someone blows into the horn the winner of the hunt was supposed to find. They turn around to see Clay standing with bags containing all the prizes they were supposed to gather during the hunt. 

“ _I won._ ” 

Diego realizes everything Clay has with him is what him and his friends stole and hid in their tent last night. He is the one who stole their shit.

“ _Where did you get all that?_ ” He approaches Clay.

“ _You fucking left me for dead._ ” Clay closes the gap between them.

“ _No dude. We came back for you but you weren’t there._ ”

“ _I was unconscious._ ”

“ _No, you were gone, probably to mess up our tent and steal our things.”_

Clay sees Winston looking at them. He makes his way up to him.

“ _Was it you? Are you working with them now?”_

Winston is clearly confused.

“ _I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about Clay._ ”

Jessica approaches them, trying to defuse the situation.

“ _Clay._ ”

Clay is still pissed at her. She defended Diego, but she was wrong to do so. They messed with him, again.

“ _Fuck you. You knew Diego was gonna fuck with me._ ”

Justin tries to calm Clay down.

“ _Come on Clay, stop it. We should join the campfire._ ”

At the campfire the night before, Diego mentioned how much he cared about Monty. 

Tonight, Winston decides to speak about the students of Liberty with a grin on his face. 

Both of them wants the truth out and it’s clear to everyone of them that there will be no escaping it now. 


	45. Being No One, Going Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after the campfire ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : STRFKR – Being No One, Going Nowhere

After the campfire, Alex decides to get his stuff from the tent he was supposed to share with Jessica. He isn’t as mad at her as he is at himself for what he said about Diego and Justin. He feels ashamed of the way he treated her, because he knows she only tried to help him by telling him the truth. Zach offered a place in his tent. When he arrives in front of it, Charlie calls him.

“ _Hey!_ ”

“ _Hey! Is that alright if I bunk with you tonight? Zach offered._ ”

“ _Yeah, of course you can._ ”

“ _Thanks._ ”

Alex drops is bag and his sleeping bag in the tent. Charlie walks up to him.

“ _I’m sorry about Winston._ ”

“ _It doesn’t matter now._ ” Alex tries to minimize it.

“ _No. I mean, it does matter. I’m sure it mattered to you._ ”

“ _What do you know exactly?_ ”

“ _I know you’re a great person Alex and … I’m sorry if this ended up being something other than what you wanted… I’m sorry if you feel bad about it._ ”

Charlies offers him a sympathetic smile.

“ _Thanks._ ” Alex responds with a smile as well, but way smaller.

“ _I have something that may help you feel less shitty.”_

“ _Really? I’m curious because I don’t see what..._ ”

Alex stops talking when he sees the box of cookies Charlie holds open in front of him. He laughs. 

“ _Well played, I could use one… or twenty._ ”

“ _They’re all yours if you ask._ ” Charlie responds with a smile. 

Justin leaves Clay and pretends to have to go to the bathroom, but he wants to talk to Jess. This afternoon they decided to be friends and, as a friend, he feels it’s his duty to tell her she shouldn’t be with Diego.

Jessica comes back from the bathroom and nearly has a heart attack when she finds Diego seated inside her tent and not Alex.

“ _Jesus! You scared the shit out of me.”_

_He laughs._

“ _Did you kick Alex out?_ ”

“ _No. He was already gone when I arrived._ ”

Jessica looks around in the tent and it seems he left with all his stuff. She makes sure not to close the tent’s door. She doesn’t want to be alone with him.

“ _It’s good you’re here. I actually want to talk to you._ ”

“ _I figured you would._ ”

“ _You lied to me. Many times._ ”

“ _I didn’t exactly lied. I told you we wouldn’t mess with Clay. We messed with everyone._ ”

“ _How is that any better?_ ”

“ _Well, it doesn’t make me a liar._ ”

“ _Keep telling yourself that._ ”

“ _Okay, to be honest, I specifically asked the guys not to target Clay. I wanted to mess with Winston but they didn’t listen to me._ ”

“ _Why would you need to mess with anyone? Why Winston?_ ”

“ _It’s tradition._ ”

She’s not convinced by his answer.

“ _Come on, we’re seniors. This is the kind of stuff seniors always did in the past. Why should it be different for us? Don’t you think we’ve seen enough terrible things happen? We deserve some fun, even if it’s just honoring a silly tradition during the senior camping trip._ ”

Surprisingly, he makes a very good point. Maybe her and her friends are spiraling so much, because of everything that happened to them, that they don’t even realize when things are just simple high school bullshit. He didn’t answer her question about Winston so.

“ _Okay, I get it. Why did you wanna pick Winston instead of Clay by the way?_ ”

“ _You know him?_ ”

It’s a stupid question, of course she knows him. He goes to their school, he’s a member of HO. Why does it feel like there’s more to his question?

“ _Yeah, so does everyone else here. I met him at Luke’s party last December. He’s a member of HO too._ ”

“ _Yeah that’s right. I guess I forgot he knew you so well._ ”

Jessica is paralyzed. Winston must have spoken to him about Monty. Diego never mentioned the boy before and now that he does, every-time it feels like a trap or an accusation. She has to stop him to dig further. Before she knows it, her lips are against his.

“ _What was that for?_ ”

“ _Well, did you really came to my tent to talk?_ ”

She wants to puke. She is disgusted by herself. Using her body like this is far from her values.

“ _I like where your head’s at._ ”

He kisses her again but this times the kiss deepens… until Justin clears his throat. He is standing in front of them, outside the tent and they stop kissing. 


	46. Apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Jessica realize that friendship is way more complicated than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Apologize – OneRepublic

“ _What do you want?_ ” Diego asks, bothered by his presence.

“ _I wanted to talk to Jess._ ”

“ _Well, she’s occupied in case you didn’t see._ ”

Jessica shoves him in the ribs with her elbow.

“ _I’m serious, you passed your chance man, now leave us the fuck alone._ ”

Justin clenches his fist, ready to punch him. Jessica sees that and decides to say something.

“ _Calm down Diego._ ”

She stands up.

“ _We’re friends. I don’t need your permission to talk to him anyway._ ”

Justin and Jessica walk a little further away and arrive at the campfire that’s still burning. They sit down.

“ _How’s Clay?_ ” she asks, worried about him, but also thinking that’s probably the reason Justin came to her.

“ _I don’t know. He’s so fucking angry at the whole world right now. Everyday he goes trough something else apparently._ ”

Jessica nods. She’s so sorry for being one of the reasons he’s feeling like this.

“ _But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about._ ”

“ _Oh. Okay, what is it?_ ”

“ _Why are you with Diego?_ ”

“ _Seriously?_ ”

“ _I mean… I don’t understand. He’s an arrogant asshole who just keeps messing with someone who has done nothing but help you these past few years._ ”

“ _He’s not messing with him anymore._ ”

“ _Really? Did you already forget today?_ ”

“ _It was the team..._ ”

“ _And he’s part of that team! We said earlier we were going to be friends and that is why I tell you this._ ”

She knows he’s right but she also knows she can’t break up with him now, especially not when there’s a chance Winston told him what he knows.

“ _Thank you for your this but I know what I’m doing._ ”

“ _Do you? I don’t see why you need him._ ”

Jessica gets up, she’s now angry. Mostly with herself for having made the choices that lead her into the trap she can’t escape now, but with Justin too, for how he abandoned her when she needed him the most, which lead her to making these decisions.

“ _I don’t need him. I needed you!_ ”

She starts crying and Justin feels so guilty he doesn’t say anything.

“ _I need you!_ ”

“ _Jess._ ” He stands up and tries to get closer to her she she shoves him.

“ _No! I thought we could finally be happy together. Do you remember what you said to me the day you left?_ ”

Justin doesn’t answer. He didn’t expect her to break like this, he didn’t expect the fact she was still not over him. Of course he remembers what he told her, he meant it when he said it, but things changed once he got into rehab.

“ _You said you wanted me by your side! You said, us, being together… you said it was everything Justin._ ”

“ _I know._ ”

He looks at the ground, tears in his eyes, unable to face her and her pain.

“ _What changed?_ ” She asks in a low voice, very differently than everything she yelled before.

He doesn’t answer.

“ _How did you go from this to stop being in love with me in a matter of weeks?_ ”

He looks up at her but is still unable to answer, to find the right answer, at least.

“ _I don’t want to be friends with you Justin. I want more, and I don’t think I can act like this isn’t a big deal…_ ”

Justin nods, letting her know he got the message.

“ _...It’s everything._ ” She ads with a shrug, before leaving him alone.

Once she has left, Justin sits back beside the fire and he lets out his tears.

“ _Is everything okay?_ ”

Justin turns around to see Lainie approach him.

He quickly tries to dry the tears on his face, not wanting her to worry.

“ _I’m fine_.”

“ _No you’re not._ ” She responds as she sits beside him.

He shakes his head. No, he’s not okay. The tears are back and he can’t control it this time.

Lainie takes him in her arms, where he continues to cry.

“ _One day you’ll feel better, I’m sure of it._ ” She tries to reassure him.

“ _I won’t._ ” He whispers, against her shoulder, between two sobs. 


	47. Never Coming Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Jessica both face their fears and lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : A Place to Bury Strangers – Never Coming Back

Jessica is sitting at Monet’s after a long day at school. Diego and Clay haven’t returned yet, which allowed her to relax a little, but it also meant she was more alone than ever at school. After her fight with Justin at the camping trip, she returned in her tent but Diego was gone. They barely talked the next morning and since then they just texted a little. The time she spend alone at school allowed her to think about the biggest problem she hasn’t faced yet but couldn’t run away from forever. She texts someone she thinks could help her.

Jessica : _Hey, it’s Jessica. I know we haven’t talked in a while but I really need to talk to you about something. Do you think we could meet?_

“ _Hey beautiful!”_

Diego sits at her table.

“ _Hey! Did we have a date planned I forgot about?”_

“ _No we didn’t, but I haven’t seen you much lately and I figured I might find you here.”_

“ _Yeah, I’m sorry. I had a lot of homework these past few days.”_

“ _Are you free tonight? We could hang out?”_

“ _It’s a school night Diego.”_

“ _I know but your parents aren’t even home. We don’t have to do something crazy. We could just hang out at your place.”_

“ _I don’t know. I should study for tomorrow’s test.”_

“ _It’s still pretty early and even if I’m not coming back to school until Monday, I still have to take this exam. We could study together.”_

Jessica could use some company.She tried to study for the test all week but when she’s alone her mind always ends up thinking about something else.

“ _Yeah, okay._ ”

“ _Great._ ”

Diego stands up.

“ _You meant now?_ ”

“ _How long where you planning on putting off studying?_ ” He replies with a laugh.

“ _Probably forever._ ” She responds jokingly as she stands up.

They leave Monet’s.

On his way home after his meeting, Justin takes a detour to his old neighborhood. He has come here many times lately. He doesn’t do much. He walks around for a bit, hoping to see a familiar face he hasn’t seen in long time and praying at the same time he won’t see her. After walking for a while, he sits on a bench. He doesn’t even know why he comes here. Does he want to see her or not? He feels stupid for not being able to make his mind. If he sees her, is he going to talk to her? He can’t. It has been too long and he doesn’t even know where he could start. He feels bad for choosing to spend time here instead of going back to the warmth of his new home. He also feels anxious here. This neighborhood reminds him of the streets he spend so much time in in Oakland. Strangely, it makes him comfortable at the same time, he feels a sense of belonging here. This is where he grew up and maybe a part of him is meant to be in a shitty neighborhood like this one instead of the middle-class one the Jensen’s live in. He went back to his old apartment the first time he came back here after rehab. No one was there. Not the person he was looking for anyway. He shakes his head. He has to accept the fact he’s been looking for her. Why else would he come back here again and again? He knows where she is. She texted him her new address, but he hasn’t been able to bring himself to go there. Until now. He knows there’s no point of coming here if he doesn’t go to the place he knows he’ll find her. He starts to walk again, a destination in mind this time.

Diego and Jessica arrive at her place. She wishes they could sit in the living room to study but everything she needs to do so is in her bedroom. Reluctantly, she goes up the stairs, followed by her boyfriend.

“ _So, this is your bedroom._ ”

Diego says once they enter the room.

“ _It is. Welcome to the infamous room of horror._ ”

She sarcastically answers as she grabs a book and sits on her bed.

Diego, who doesn’t laugh at her statement, sits on the bed beside her and tries to light up the mood.

“ _Your reputation precedes you. My mom was so happy to hear I was gonna study with our school president. I expected her to be more worried when we stopped by my house to get my stuff.”_

“ _You know I’m the student body president and not the school president right?”_

He laughs at her comment.

“ _How dumb do you think I am?_ ”

He may have laughed but his question seemed like an accusation more than a joke.

“ _Just a little_.”

She jokes, hoping to change his mood.

“ _Well, how about we change that?_ ”

He opens his bag and grabs his notebook.

Justin is now standing on the sidewalk across the road from the building. He’s looking at it, not sure what his next move should be, what his first words to her after all this time should be. He sighs. He has no idea and frankly not enough strength left to figure it out. He won’t knock, or talk to her tonight. His mind his made. Still, he feels dumb to have walked all the way here, to have made it to her building, not to do anything about it. This is the moment he sees her, after so many months. She’s smoking a cigarette at the window. She doesn’t see him, even so he’s the only person in the street, but he sees her. He spend enough years with her to know her and it is enough for him to recognize she’s completely high. It breaks his heart. Part of him hoped maybe she would have changed, like he did, but maybe there’s a certain point you reach when there’s no come back possible. Is he past this point like she is? Is there any hope for him to truly change for good? It doesn’t matter. No matter what he does, this is where he belongs, this is what his future holds. No warmth, no family, no recovery possible.

Diego and Jessica have been studying in silence for a while and Diego is apparently getting bored. He drops his book on the bed and gets closer to Jessica, dropping kisses on her cheek, then on her neck to distract her.

“ _This is what you call studying?_ ”

She asks him with a raised eyebrow.

“ _It’s not but you’ve got to admit it’s way more fun._ ”

He takes the book placed on her legs and throws it on the floor as his lips reach hers.

“ _Diego._ ” She tries to stop him between two kiss and it works.

“ _I’m sorry. It’s just really hard to resist you. You’re incredibly hot._ ” He whispers against her ear.

“ _Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not done studying._ ”

“ _Does this mean once you’re done we could do something way more entertaining?_ ”

“ _Maybe._ ” She winks at him while grabbing her book from the floor.

She’s not really lying. They could make out a little but there’s no way she’s going to sleep with him tonight, or ever.

“ _Wow, you’re really a great tutor, I’ve never been more eager to study._ ”

“ _Shut up._ ” She laughs as she throws a pillow at him.

She really has fun hanging out with him, as long as she doesn’t let her mind run through everything else in her life. He’s a great distraction to help her forget the rest, just like alcohol was at one point.

When Justin comes home he’s surprised to see Lainie and Matt in the outhouse. Do they know where he was? He’s going to play it cool not to arouse suspicions.

“ _Hey._ ”

“ _How was your meeting?_ ” Matt asks him.

“ _Uhm … pretty good.”_

“ _I’m surprise_ _it_ _end_ _s_ _this late._ ” Lainie can’t help herself.

“ _They don’t. I just … I always talk with coach Kerba for a while after each meeting._ ”

“ _It’s really nice you found someone you could confide in, but next time a text would be nice if you don’t come home right away._ ” Matt explains him, in his very diplomatic way.

“ _Yeah, sure. I’m … I’m sorry._ ”

When they don’t get up from the chairs they are sitting in at the table, he wonders what else they are going to say to him, what else do they know.

“ _Why... are you here exactly?_ ” He asks them, with apprehension.

“ _Clay hasn’t come home yet either. Do you have any idea where he is_ _or what he’s doing_ _?_ ”

“ _No, I’m sorry. I have absolutely no idea._ ”

“ _Oh god._ ” Matt lets out, without thinking, while looking at something on his phone.

Lainie shoots him a sharp look. Justin has no idea what just happened.

“ _Sorry. Just … the kids grammar today on Twitter is..._ ” Matt tries to explain. Justin has to refrain a laugh. It’s pretty clear where Clay’s inability to lie comes from.

“ _But, I have an idea where Clay might be actually._ _I might as well check it out._ ” He gets up awkwardly and leaves Justin alone with Lainie. He really hopes she’s gonna leave too. They haven’t really talked since he broke down in her arms at the campfire.

“ _Why don’t you sit with me and we have a little chat?_ ” She offers.

Justin wants to refuse but he knows he can’t do that to her. She has been nothing but incredibly supportive since he met her. For a few seconds, as he looks at her, he thinks about the huge contrast between what is happening now and what he saw when he looked at his mother earlier tonight. Lainie opens her arms and her heart to him whereas his mom didn’t even noticed him, didn’t even see him. He takes a few steps and sits across the table from her.

“ _I’d understand if you don’t wanna talk to me about it but I want you to know I’m asking this because I’m worried, nothing else. What happened at the campfire?_ ”

He sighs. He is actually happy to talk to someone about it. Maybe Lainie can help him.

“ _I had a fight with Jess._ ”

“ _About what?_ ”

“ _Mostly about our break-up. She resents me a lot for it._ ”

She looks at him, but doesn’t say anything, so he continues.

“ _I broke her heart. I_ _just_ _didn’t think she would still be so hurt after months._ ”

“ _What about your heart?_ ”

He looks at her, not expecting this question.

“ _You seemed pretty heart-broken too from what I’ve seen._ ” She explains.

He doesn’t know what to say. Yes, he is heart-broken, but it’s his own fault. He deserves to suffer. It’s her suffering that doesn’t seem fair.

“ _Why did you broke up with her?_ ”

Again, there’s no explaining this. He broke up with her because he thought it would be better for her to live her life without him in it. Still, he has to give her an answer somehow and when he was in rehab he learned about something that could work in this scenario.

“ _In rehab they told us it was better for recovering addicts to take a break from relationships for a while to have time to focus on ourselves._ ”

“ _Did you explain this to Jessica when you broke up with her?_ ”

“ _No...I…_ _no, I didn’t._ ”

“ _Maybe you two should talk again. I’m sure if you explain this to her she’ll understand. She loves you so much and she wants the best for you, like all of us._ ”

Of course she’ll understand but if he tells her that, it means there’s a possibility the two of them will have a future together, and this won’t happen. This is not a possibility.

“ _I have a question for you. Do you feel better without her? Do you really feel like it’s good for you, that it’s given you an opportunity to focus on yourself?_ ”

“ _No._ ” He responds, without taking the time to think about his answer.

“ _Recovery is hard, long and complicated. In rehab they gave you tools to help you, but you’ve got to figure out what works for you specifically. If you don’t feel better without her, if you feel like it’s not helping, it’s never too late to change that._ ”

He responds with a smile, he knows she’s only trying to help and everything she says makes a lot of sense but she doesn’t know the whole story, she doesn’t know the truth. She doesn’t know it is in fact too late.

Jessica is stalling. She read the exact same page about a dozen times already and she knows she’s ready for the exam but she also knows what Diego has in mind once the studying ends. His phone buzzes when he receives a text.

“ _The party’s off._ ” He tells Jessica with a disappointed look on his face.

“ _What party?_ ”

“ _The Find Your Drink Party at Beecher’s this Saturday._ ”

“ _I’m surprised Beecher canceled it. Everyone has been talking about it at school all week._ ”

“ _Oh, trust me, he’s devastated, but he doesn’t have a choice because his parents found out about it._ ”

“ _How did they found out?_ ”

“ _Apparently they read his email. They found the invitation he send to everyone._ ”

“ _That’s fucked up._ ”

Diego doesn’t respond. He keeps taping on his phone, probably answering his friends.

Jessica gets worried. Her father asked her if she was dating someone last week and grilled her about it ever since every-time they talk on the phone. He never asked her that before. What if somehow he read her texts? No, why would he? Besides, Beecher’s parents read his email, not his texts.

“ _What are you doing?_ ” She asks Diego who is still on his phone.

He looks at her and a big smile forms on his face.

“ _Who has a big house all to herself and could host a party this week-end?_ ”

“ _Not me._ ” She immediately shuts down his idea.

“ _Come on, it’s another one of these traditions we have to honor this year as seniors!_ ”

“ _Go ahead, honor it, but no_ _t_ _in here, no way._ ”

“ _Okay, fine._ ” He pouts, until he seems to get an idea and texts someone.

“ _I forgive you, because luckily, I know someone else whose parents are out of town and he happens to be freaking rich so his house is the perfect place for a party._ ”

“ _Who’s that?_ ”

“ _Winston Williams._ ”

All of the sudden, she feels out of breath. If Diego and Winston text, it means they are closer than she thought.

“ _Would you do me the honor of coming to the party with me Mrs President?_ ”

“ _Yes, of course._ ” She replies with a smile.

Going to a party at Winston’s with Diego will definitely be a way to see how close the two of them actually are.

“ _Now, please tell me you don’t plan on opening this book again tonight._ ” Diego points at the book she closed without even realizing.

“ _No_ _way_ _, I’m done with studying._ ” She answers with honesty.

“ _Music to my ears._ ” He says as he gets closer and closer to her. In a matter of seconds, his lips are against hers. Things escalate quickly and he’s now lying on top of her.

Her heart starts beating so quick she feels it might stop at any second. He kisses her neck and a memory comes to her. “ _We’re just having fun._ ” For a second, she swears she sees and feels Bryce on top of her and not Diego anymore. She puts her hand on his chest to push him off of her.

“ _Please Diego, I can’t._ ” She pleads.

He sits down beside her.

“ _Did I do something wrong?”_ He asks, in a worried tone.

“ _No, not at all, it’s me… it’s just..._ ” She hates the fact Bryce has still so much power over her and she feels ashamed.

“ _I thought you wanted this?_ ” This time his tone seems less worried and way more accusatory.

“ _I did, but I’m pretty tired so..._ ”

“ _You’re not tired. What is it?_ ”

“ _I don’t know, maybe it’s not a good idea to do this here._ ”

“ _You’ve never… here… since it happened?_ ”

“ _No, I did, but..._ ” She’s still pretty shaken up and she doesn’t think this through before she responds.

“ _But it was Justin._ ” He gets defensive.

She nods. It’s the truth and he knows it, there’s no point in denying it.

“ _I’m sorry._ ” She tries.

“ _It’s okay_.” He responds in a calm tone as he gets up and puts on his jacket.

“ _You don’t have to leave._ ”

“ _No, I do. My mom is gonna have a hard time believing I spend so much time studying already so…_ ”

“ _Okay_.” She answers, but she can’t help wonder if him leaving so suddenly has anything to do with the fact she didn’t wanna take things further with him.

“ _I can drive you home if you want._ ”

“ _No it’s okay. I’ll call you tomorrow._ ”

He leaves her bedroom and makes his way down the stairs without even kissing her goodbye. 


	48. Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay is so not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : NF- Let Me Go

Justin is still sitting at the table with Lainie when Matt enters, followed by Clay who ignores them and goes straight to the bathroom. He seems pissed.

“ _You found him?_ ” Lainie asks, relieved.

“ _I did._ ” Matt answers shows a hint of worry.

“ _Where was he?_ ” Justin asks.

“ _He was…_ ” He hesitates. Should he tell them? Lainie will worry even more and Justin too.

“ _He was in front of Bryce’s old house._ ”

Lainie gasps. What the hell did he do there? Justin shakes his head, trying to make sense of this.

“ _It’s not a big deal. I went for a run and it’s not like we live in a thriving metropolis. It was just a coincidence._ ”

“ _Was it? Why didn’t you answer your phone?_ ” His mom asks, not buying his story.

“ _I was running and listening to music. It felt nice. I didn’t think it was important. I figured you could talk to me once I got home._ ”

“ _Next time, answer your phone okay? Or at least tell us before you leave like this._ ” Matt tells him.

“ _Okay. I will._ ” Clay answers.

Matt and Lainie seems okay with it and they leave the two brothers alone.

“ _What the fuck where you doing there?_ ” Justin tries to get an explanation.

Clay ignores him.

“ _I’ve got to take a shower._ ” He leaves with the towel he took in their bathroom.

Once he is out the door, Justin sighs. It’s getting harder and harder to have a discussion with Clay. The therapy doesn’t seem to help much. He is more closed off than he’s ever been before.

The next morning, it happens again. Clay was gone when Justin woke up and he tried to call him, but he didn’t answer. He immediately went to Matt and Lainie to tell them, worried about his brother’s safety. Matt left to search for him and Justin and Lainie are waiting for them to come back. Lainie is sitting on Clay’s bed and he is on his own. He feels Lainie’s eyes on him. She probably thinks he knows more than he says, but he truly doesn’t. Well, he has an idea why Clay is not doing so well, but he has no idea what is actually going on with him. He also notices the bag at her side and he knows what it means.

The door opens and an angry Clay comes in, followed by a worried Matt.

“ _I was just out for a run. You really need to chill._ ” He tells them as he goes directly to the bathroom again.

“ _I found him on Navy Pier this time. He wasn’t running. He was just… standing there._ ” Matt explains.

“ _I got tired of the traffic. I wanted to run somewhere less busy. I don’t see what the big deal is._ ” He defends himself as he comes back in the room. “ _How did you even find me?_ ”

“ _Don’t act like this is random Clay. Last night it was his old house, and now the place where he got killed..._ ” Lainie tries to reason.

“ _It is! It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Bryce lived in Evergreen. Every place is kind of linked to him in a way. You don’t make a fuss when I go to school no? Yet, Bryce was there too, wasn’t he?”_

They all look at him like he lost his mind. Yes, what he’s saying makes sense but he’s so frantic about it that it’s hard not to think it’s more than what he says.

“ _Okay. Well..._ ” She carefully searches for the right way to phrase this. “ _We told you that we were going to be doing random drug testing on you both while you’re still in the program Justin and…_ ” She looks at Justin to see his reaction. “ _… now seems like as good a time as any._ ”

She catches Justin getting nervous.

“ _Is that a problem?_ ”

He stands up and joins the rest of them around the table.

“ _No, it’s not a problem._ ”

“ _We just want to make sure you boys are being safe. We want to know we can trust you._ ” Matt explains.

“ _If you trusted us, you wouldn’t be testing us in the first place._ ” Clay gets defensive again.

“ _Clay, it’s okay. We agreed to this._ ” Justin reassures him.

“ _You’re up first._ ” Lainie tells Clay while handing him a container.

Justin is clean. Clay is tested positive for THC. Immediately, he gets defensive all over again.

“ _This doesn't make sense. The test must be...expired or something._ ” He tries to justify while he gets stared at by Justin and his parents.

“ _No. The test is fine Clay._ ” Matt answers in a calm tone.

Clay has a hard time believing this. There must be an explanation. He has taken drugs exactly once in his life and it was a really long time ago. He looks at Justin. Maybe the explanation is right under their eyes.

“ _Then he must have switched the samples._ ”

“ _Are you serious right now? How would_ _I_ _have even done that?_ ” Justin can’t believe he’s being accused of this after all the effort he put in staying clean.

“ _I don’t know. You’re the expert when it comes to drugs. I’m sure you’d find a way to do so._ ”

Justin doesn’t even know what to respond. He just knows arguing with Clay won’t help, so he tries to defend himself by addressing Matt and Lainie directly.

“ _I’m clean. I have been going to all my meetings. I have been checking in with the counselors. I swear to you, I am clean._ ”

They don’t seem to trust him more than they trust Clay and it breaks his heart. They are probably the only reason he hasn’t used yet. The fear of disappointing them has been enough to keep him from using so far. Lainie looks at Matt and he asks Justin :

“ _Have you been going back to your old neighborhood lately?_ ”

“ _I… How did you..._ ”

This time they are all staring at Justin, waiting for an answer. Clay seems disappointed in him, so does his new parents.

“ _I might have, yeah._ ”

“ _Why?_ ” Clay asks.

“ _I wasn’t buying drugs, I promise._ ”

“ _Okay. So what were you doing there?_ ” Matt tries to understand.

Justin doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t wanna tell them, afraid they’ll be even more disappointed in him.

“ _If none of you is ready to tell us the truth, you’re both grounded._ ” Lainie is tired to have to fight with them to get any sort of explanation these days.

“ _If you wanna go anywhere outside of school, you come find us and you explain to us why the test was positive. Until then, you don’t leave the house. No runs, no walks in old neighborhood and no party this weekend. Got it?_ ” Both boys nod.

“ _You should get some rest._ ” Matt ads in a softer voice before they both join the main-house.

“ _You’re fucking using again?_ ”

“ _Fuck you, you know I’m clean. Your test was positive, not mine. Maybe you should give me an explanation._ ”

“ _Are you going to explain to me why you were in your old neighborhood?_ ”

“ _Did you tell them?_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _Did you tell your parents I went there?_ ”

“ _No! I had no idea or I would have confronted you about it earlier._ ”

“ _How the fuck did they found out?_ ”

“ _How did my dad find me?_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _Yesterday, and tonight. How did he know I was at the pier or at Bryce’s old house? Did he follow me?_ ”

“ _No, it’s not possible. We were waiting for you to come home last night and he was with us. He just said he had an idea,_ _then_ _he left and found you._ ”

“ _That’s weird right?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I guess. But..._ ”

“ _What if it is our phones?_ ”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _They gave us those phones for Christmas. They are pre-loaded with many apps. Maybe there’s something in there they are using to track us?_ ”

“ _Clay, you’re being paranoid. We’re not in a spy movie.”_

“ _Am I? How did they know where you were? Where I was?”_

“ _I don’t know. Maybe they saw me. Maybe your father knows Bryce’s death...”_

“ _Come on Justin! Aren’t you tired of pretending everything is normal?”_

“ _Aren’t you tired of acting like the whole world is against you? Why the fuck did you test positive?”_

“ _Fuck you. This one is on you. You’re the drug addict here, not me.”_

He leaves to the bathroom. 

Justin is extremely hurt by what happened. It’s clear no one trusts him. No one believes he is anything other than a drug addict. He feels he might relapse if he doesn’t do anything about it. He takes his phone out and calls Kerba. He promised him he would be there, anytime, any-day, if he needed someone to talk to. 


	49. Snap Out Of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another meeting at Monet's. Are Clay and Jessica paranoid or should they really be worried?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Arctic Monkeys – Snap Out Of It

Clay texted the group chat and asked for a meeting. Alex, Tony, Jessica and Alex are sitting at a table with Clay at Monet’s, waiting for him to talk.

“ _Clay! You’re going to say something?_ ” Tony finally says, frustrated by the suspense.

“ _I know it sounds crazy, but I think my parents have been tracking me lately. Well, me and Justin._ ”

“ _What do you mean, tracking you?_ ” Alex tries to understand.

“ _I think they’ve been using our phones to follow us, and I’m afraid there might be more to it._ ”

“ _Shit._ ” Jessica lets out.

The three boys look at her.

“ _Beecher’s party had to be relocated because his parents found out about it. Apparently they read his emails… and I think my dad may have been reading my texts.”_

“ _What are you saying? That our parents are like… spying on us?_ ” Alex is doubtful.

“ _It’s not a coincidence._ ” Clay responds.

“ _Especially if it’s not just your parents. Mine too, Beecher’s..._ ” Jessica agrees.

“ _Well, we have a lot more to lose than Beecher does. Did your parents act suspicious lately?”_ Clay asks Alex.

“ _Not really, no. I mean, they both pay attention a lot, but it’s nothing new._ ”

“ _I think it’s possible it’s just a coincidence. There’s no need to worry about it._ ” Tony finally speaks.

“ _There is if it turns out we’re right.”_ Clay says.

“ _But, if they really read your emails don’t you think your folks would have talked to you about the one that was send with your account last week?_ ” Tony tries to reason with Clay.

“ _Maybe they haven’t yet. The point is...we have to be careful._ ”

“ _We are Clay. That’s why we decided to use a code-name._ ” Alex reassures him.

“ _Still, maybe it would be best if we don’t talk about it anymore, at all. We can meet if there’s something we need to share._ ” Jessica ads.

“ _It’s getting late guys, we should go to school._ ” Tony warns them.

They start to leave but Clay takes Jessica by the arm.

“ _Wait, I need to talk to you._ ”

Alex and Tony leave but Alex stops in front of the coffeshop.

“ _I think we should wait for her, just in case._ ” Alex tells Tony.

“ _In case what?_ ”

“ _In case this turns into a fight. You saw how Clay was at the camping trip._ ”

“ _You’re probably right._ ” Tony is sad to agree with him, but Clay has been acting out of character lately.

“ _What is it?_ ” Jessica asks him.

“ _I think Justin might be using again._ ”

“ _What makes you think that?_ ”

“ _My parents noticed he has been going to his old neighborhood lately_ _and when they confronted him about it he confirmed it.”_

“ _Did he say what he was doing there?”_

“ _No, that’s why I think he might have been buying and using.”_

“ _If he was using I don’t think he would have come clean with the fact he went there in the first place.”_

“ _That’s not all… My parents tested us and one of the test was positive.”_

“ _Was it Justin’s?”_

“ _No… it was mine, but I haven’t done drugs since this one time at Jeff’s.”_

“ _What did Justin say?”_

“ _He said it wasn’t him, but I don’t see any other explanation.”_

Jessica feels guilty. The night before the camping trip she sensed something was off about him. She feared he might have relapsed but she didn’t say anything. She should have. Clay sees she’s thinking about something.

“ _What?_ ”

“ _The night I came to talk to you about the email, you told me Justin was still at work, but I knew he wasn’t. I didn’t leave right away, I waited in my car. He showed up about an hour later and when I asked him where he was he told me he was at a meeting but ... I had this feeling that he was lying to me._ ”

“ _He was. There was no meeting that day._ ”

“ _Clay, maybe we shouldn’t jump to conclusions. He didn’t seem high at all when we talked. All we know is he went to his old neighborhood, but that doesn’t necessary mean he’s using again._ ”

“ _Then what the hell was he doing there?_ ”

“ _I don’t know… but he really seems to be doing better. We should trust him. If you and your parents asked and he denied it, maybe he’s telling the truth.”_

“ _Did you already forgot how long he was using last time before he decided to tell us the truth?”_

“ _I haven’t, trust me.”_

“ _I see. You’re still ready to believe anything that comes out of his mouth, is that it?”_

_He strikes a chord._

“ _Clay.”_ She tries to stop him.

“ _And it’s the exact same thing with Diego_ _too_ _apparently. When will you learn?”_

She won’t let him get to her head.

“ _Okay, Clay. Thank you for letting me know.”_

She sees Alex and Tony waiting for her outside.

“ _I should go.”_

“ _Whatever.”_

He responds as she stands up and joins their friends outside. 


	50. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winston and Jessica are both tired of playing games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ruelle – Secrets and Lies

Tyler, Winston and Jessica are left alone after the other members of HO left the room. 

“ _So, Tyler, are you coming to my party tomorrow night? I already know Jessica’s coming._ ”

“ _I’d like to but I already promised Tony I would be there for his first fight._ ”

“ _That’s too bad. I’m sure it’s going to be a really interesting party._ ”

Jessica senses the threat in his tone. Tyler leaves. He distanced himself from Winston lately. She figured someone ended up telling him about the fact he knew about the framing, or the fact he was close to Monty.

“ _Did Diego told you about the memorial we have planned?_ ”

“ _No. He didn’t tell me about anything like this._ ”

“ _We’re going to do something for Monty at the party._ ” He explains.

“ _Oh. That’s really nice._ ”

No lie there. It is really nice Monty is remembered by his friends.

“ _Yeah, it’s nice some people remember him for something other than being a murderer, especially when it’s not the truth._ ”

“ _Listen, I know you were close to him, but that doesn’t mean you know the truth._ ”

“ _I wasn’t close to him. I was in love with him. But don’t worry, I know I don’t know the truth, not all the truth, at least not yet._ ”

“ _I’m sorry. I really am. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose someone you love like this, but I’m afraid even the truth won’t ease your pain._ ”

“ _Did it ease yours_?”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _I…_ _I listened to the tapes. Of course it was before I met any of you, but..._ ”

“ _Can we not talk about this please?_ ”

“ _I’m sorry. I really am. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to find out what had happened to you like this._ ”

He’s practically using her own words against her. He’s manipulating her. She knows it, but it hurts.

“ _What are you doing?_ ”

Winston feels guilty. He went to far, he knows it, but right now Jessica and Clay are his suspects. He came to Liberty to find out the truth and if Jessica has it, if she’s responsible for framing Monty, he refuses to feel guilty.

“ _How did it feel to realize people around you kept the truth from you all this time?_ ”

Tears begin to form in her eyes. Winston is good at this, but he’s not completely innocent.

“ _Tell me something._ ”

He’s taken aback by her tone.

“ _How did it feel to manipulate Alex like you did?”_

“ _I didn’t manipulate him.”_

She doesn’t believe him.

“ _Quit playing games with me. Let’s be honest. Why did you get close to him?”_

“ _Because I liked him, I still do.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Don’t act surprised. I know you dated him and I know he’s your best-friend. I don’t have to tell you how great he is.”_

“ _You’re right, he is, and you broke his heart.”_

“ _That’s where you’re wrong. You broke his heart._ _I wasn’t playing any games with him.”_

Jessica doubts it.

“ _You want honesty? I gave it to you. My feelings for him are real. The only one I’m playing games with, is you.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _Come on Jessica, you know why.”_

He leaves.She gets a text.

> “ _Hey. I’m sorry for not texting you back earlier. Is everything alright? Of course we can meet. Are you going to that party tomorrow?”_

She sighs. Winston is right, no matter what happens, this party is going to be really interesting. She wonders if she should go. Yes, she should. Wouldn’t it be worse if she didn’t go? It would be an admission of defeat and she’s not ready to stop fighting yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is this mysterious person Jessica texted ? I'm curious to see who do you think it is. Drop your guess in the comments !


	51. Uncomfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Find Your Drink Party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Chase Atlantic - Uncomfortable

Diego wasn’t kidding when he said Winston’s house was the perfect place for a party. It’s huge. When they enter, Jessica wonders how many bathrooms and bedrooms there might be in here. She spots Alex and decides to go talk to him. She hasn’t had a chance to apologize to him yet.

“ _I need to talk to Alex. I’ll meet you later._ ”

“ _Seriously? We’ve been here less than_ _two_ _minutes and you’re already ditching me?”_

“ _Come on, the night is long, we can spend time together later. I won’t be long.”_

“ _We better.”_

“ _We will.”_

She gives him a quick kiss and follows Alex. He enters into a room a little further away from the action. She stops. Should she follow him again? Maybe she should wait. _It’s stupid_. She’s not trying to spy on him, but he left when she tried to approach him. Is he avoiding her? No matter if it was his intention or not, she enters the room. He’s sitting on a couch. The room is pretty small.

“ _Hey._ ” She greets him as she makes her way to the couch.

“ _Oh. Hey._ ”

“ _Can I sit with you?_ ”

“ _Of course you can Jess._ ” He gives her a sympathetic smile.

A few seconds pass before they both speak at the same time.

“ _I’m sorry_.”

“ _I’m sorry._ ”

They laugh.

“ _It’s okay. How about we don’t mention any of it ever again?_ ” Jess asks.

“ _I’m good with that._ ”

“ _I’m surprised you came tonight.”_

He rolls his eyes at her comment. She seems to have forgotten pretty quickly how they shouldn’t speak about any of this again.

“ _Sorry.”_

“ _To be fair, I’m kind of hiding now that I’m here so maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to come.”_

“ _I’m sorry but I have to talk about it actually.”_

Alex looks at her, waiting for what she has to say.

“ _I never meant Winston didn’t like you for you. You’re such a nice person Alex, of course he liked you. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”_

“ _I know and I understand why you told me. You were right to do so. I was hurt and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair.”_

“ _Did you really like him?”_

“ _I did, yes.”_

“ _Okay. I feel like I should tell you this too. Winston’s feelings for you were real. Are real.”_

Alex shakes his head. He won’t fall for this.

“ _I think he was honest with you._ ” She adds.

“ _It doesn’t matter now. You know as well as I do that it’s not a good idea._ ”

She’s sad for her best-friend so she tries to light up the mood.

“ _You’re at a party. Maybe it’s your chance to find someone else._ ”

“ _Hey guys!_ ”

“ _Hi Cookie!”_

“ _Hey Charlie.”_

“ _You decided to come after all._ ” Charlie tells Alex with a big smile.

Jessica remembers what Diego told her about Charlie. He and Alex would make a cute couple.

“ _And he may have just entered the room._ ” She tells Alex with a wink.

Charlie is really confused by this comment.

“ _What are you guys doing here exactly?_ ”

“ _Me? I’m just leaving._ ” She says as she gets up. “ _Alex, on the other end, is hiding. I’m sure you could help._ ”

Alex rolls his eyes at her another time.

“ _Maybe this could help?_ ” Charlie says, showing them a bag of cookies.

“ _You really brought cookies at a party?_ ” Jessica asks as she takes the bag, eager to eat one.

“ _These are from my special recipe. It’s a great hit at parties._ ”

She hands him back the bag with a pout.

“ _I could really use one of your regular cookie, but I’ll pass on these._ ”

She leaves the two of them alone and makes her way to one of the dining room, where Diego and other people are hanging out, including Winston.

“ _Here she is! Jessica, come play with us!_ ” Diego is happy to see her and from the looks of it, he must have already drank a little.

“ _What’s the game?_ ” She asks.

“ _Paranoia_.” Winston answers with a smile.

“ _Sadly, I’m driving tonight so I can’t drink._ ”

“ _Don’t worry about it, there’s many bedroom_ _s_ _in here. You can spend the night._ ” Winston offers.

“ _Thank you, but I’m good._ ”

She sits besides Diego. He leans in and whispers in her ear “ _Are you sure you’re not tempted by spending the night in one of these many bedrooms? I could keep you warm._ ” As he says these last few words, he places a hand on her thigh.

“ _I’m sure._ ” she responds uncomfortably.

“ _By the way Jessica, how about our student body president gives a speech at Monty’s memorial tonight?_ ” Winston asks her in a defying tone.

“ _I’m sure the boys have way more things to say about him than I have._ ” She responds in a detached tone, pointing at the boys around them.

“ _I don’t know. You knew him pretty well from what I’ve heard. Didn’t you use to go to parties like this one with him...and Justin...and Bryce._ ”

Jess chuckles.

“ _Dude, what the fuck?_ ” Diego tries to defend her.

“ _You’re right. I used to._ ” She says before she leaves the table.

Jessica doesn’t really know where she’s going. She walks up the stairs, hoping to find a quiet place where she could regain her breath when she hears someone calling her name from down the stairs.

“ _Jessica!_ ” She turns around and is happy to see Chloe here.

Chloe walks up the stairs to join her.

“ _Hey! How are you?_ ” Jessica asks her.

“ _I’m fine. You don’t look..._ ”

“ _Yeah, I was looking for someplace a little more quiet. There’s so many people in here._ ”

“ _Come on, we should be able to find that upstairs._ ”

Chloe takes her arm and they make their way upstairs. There’s still people here, but it’s quieter.

“ _I was surprised to see your text. We haven’t talked in so long._ ” Chloe says.

“ _Yeah and I actually wanted to apologize about that. I shouldn’t have gave up on you like this._ ”

“ _How could I blame you? You tried to help me and I completely let you down._ ” Chloe says with a shrug.

“ _I did the same thing. You tried your best to help and I gave up on you when you needed help.”_

“ _I don’t know if it will mean anything to you now, but you’re already forgiven.”_

“ _Thanks. It does. Especially because...”_ Jessica stops talking when she sees Justin and Clay arguing. Chloe follows her gaze.

“ _I’m sorry. I should really see what’s going on. Can we talk later?”_

Chloe nods. _“Of course.”_

“ _You should find Zach, he’s going to be really happy to see you here._ ”

Jessica leaves before Chloe has the time to respond.

“ _They never trusted you, that’s why they drug tested you.”_

It’s the only thing Jessica hears when she arrives by the two brothers and before Clay leaves. For a few seconds she stands there, wondering if she should start by kicking Clay’s ass or asking Justin how he is doing but before she makes up her mind, she hears her boyfriend’s voice coming from outside the house. He speaks in a megaphone and the sound is loud enough to be heard from the first floor.

“ _Listen up Liberty High Seniors! You’re all expected in the garden in about two minutes!”_

As much as she wants to confront Clay and comfort Justin right now, she knows she has to be there for the memorial. She won’t give Winston, or even Diego, any more chance to doubt her. 


	52. Bury A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monty's memorial is more upsetting than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Billie Eilish – Bury A Friend

“ _Welcome everybody to this year’s Find Your Drink!_ ”

Everyone cheers.

“ _There’s one person who was really looking forward to this party and every other traditions we must honor as seniors ‘cause he wanted our senior year to be bigger and better than anything before. He cannot be here with us tonight. Instead, we’re gonna pour one out in his honor. I know some of you didn’t like Monty, but I think we can all agree on one thing. He deserved to live to see this day.”_

Jessica feels Winston’s eyes on her during Diego’s speech.

Diego and Luke raise a cup.

“ _To our friend and brother. Monty de la Cruz.”_ Diego says and he’s soon followed by the crowd.

“ _To Monty!_ ” Everyone cheers.

“ _Rest in piece man._ ” Diego ads before he pours his drink to the ground, as does everyone else in the crowd.

Jessica feels a panic attack coming. This party is already way more than she can take. She finds a way through the crowd and enters the house. She immediately walks up the stairs to the first floor and walks along the hallway, hoping to find an empty bedroom, which she doesn’t. She settles for the second bathroom she opens the door to. She paces back and forth, unable to catch her breath.

After a few minutes, her breathing is almost back to normal.

“ _There you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere._ ”

Diego enters the room and closes the door behind him.

“ _Why did you leave?_ ”

“ _I don’t know. It’s just a lot._ ”

“ _Winston said you must have felt guilty._ ”

“ _About what?_ ”

“ _I don’t know really. What does he have against you?_ ”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _The comment he made earlier about Monty and Bryce? It was fucked up._ ”

“ _It was, but he wasn’t at Liberty back then. Maybe he doesn’t know the whole story._ ”

“ _He seems to know enough from what I’ve seen._ ”

“ _What did he tell you exactly?_ ”

“ _Nothing that we didn’t already knew. Monty was innocent._ ”

“ _Did he tell you how he knew Monty?_ ”

“ _Not really no. I think they were friends._ ”

“ _Are you sure? I heard Monty beat him up pretty hard the night they met. Why would he do that if they were friends?_ ”

“ _Are you sure about this?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I’m sure. You could ask anyone from Hillcrest that was at this party and they’ll tell you the same thing. Maybe you shouldn’t trust him.”_

“ _Why do you care so much about this? I thought you didn’t wanna help with this?_ ”

“ _You’re right, I don’t. Forget I said anything. Should we go back to the party?_ ” She asks with a charming smile, pulling on his hand to get out of the room.

“ _Or..._ ” He pulls her by the arm to bring her back to him. “ _We could have some fun._ ”

He kisses her with passion.

_It’s not right._

“ _Diego._ ” She tries to makes him stop.

“ _You know you want to… I can see it_.” He responds as his hands grabs her thighs. He picks her up and places her on the cabinet. She shoves him in the chest.

“ _Stop!_ ”

He takes a step back and realizes how upset she is.

“ _I’m sorry babe._ ” He gets closer to her and gives her a puppy-dog eye-look.

_Puppy-dog…_ she has to find Justin.

“ _It’s okay._ ” She comes down from the furniture.

“ _Is it?_ ” he asks her in a worried tone.

“ _Yeah, you eventually stopped... I’ve seen worse.”_ She tries to joke.

“ _Jessica._ ”

“ _I know. It’s not funny...at all._ ”

“ _Can I make it up to you?_ ”

“ _You could give me a moment. There’s something I have to take care of...Some things actually._ ”

“ _Can I help?_ ”

She chuckles.

“ _It involves Clay...so I’m gonna pass on your offer._ ”

“ _I’ll be with the boys. You come and meet me later okay?_ ”

“ _Sure._ ” She kiss his lips and leaves the room. 


	53. Shimmy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica finds one of the brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : MISSIO ft. Blackillac - Shimmy

Jessica leaves the bathroom and wonders where she could find Justin in this enormous house. She’ll start downstairs. On her way down, she sees Clay flirting with a girl in the staircase.

“ _Hey, asshole!_ ”

Clay and the girl he’s with look at her, shocked.

“ _What did I do now?_ ” He asks.

“ _Do you mind giving us a minute?_ ” She asks the girl who nods and leaves their side.

“ _What did you and Justin fight about?_ ”

Clay is not even looking at her, he follows the girl who just left his side with his eyes.

“ _Clay! I’m serious._ ”

“ _Why did you have to interrupt us? I was about to seal the deal._ ”

Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _Fuck, Clay. What’s wrong with you?_ ”

“ _I’m having fun. Isn’t what you usually encourage?_ ”

“ _I’m glad you’re having fun. I’m less happy about the way you talked to your brother earlier._ ”

“ _My brother?_ ”

“ _Justin! Jesus Clay, how much have you had to drink?_ ”

“ _Just enough to endure this fucking party and everyone in here._ ”

“ _Are you gonna explain yourself or should I kick your ass to jog your memory?_ ”

His response is a laugh. Jessica can’t believe it. Did he completely lost it?

“ _Why did you tell this to him?_ ”

“ _What are you talking about?_ ”

“ _You said to Justin your parents tested him because they didn’t trust him. You know it’s not true. Why would you say that?_ ”

He looks at her but doesn’t respond.

“ _Is he using again? Is this why you were fighting?_ ”

She’s worried of the answer. That’s the only explanation she has right now. Justin has been nothing but there for Clay. He wouldn’t attack him like that unless he did something really bad right?

“ _I don’t know._ ” He finally says.

Jessica is done with him. She won’t get any answer. She leaves his side and goes down the stairs. 

She walks past Chloe and Zach. _Shit_. She needs to talk to Chloe. _Later_. 

Right now she needs to find Justin. 


	54. Lost Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica finds the second brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Midnight – Lost Boy

Justin is drinking in one of the kitchens, alone. He is pretty drunk. He started drinking after his altercation with Clay and hasn’t really stopped since.

“ _There you are._ ”

He turns around to find Jess standing in the doorway, leaning against the door-frame.

“ _I didn’t think you would be looking for me._ ”

“ _Me neither. What happened with Clay?_ ”

“ _He hates me... I don’t know why._ ”

“ _He doesn’t..._ ”

“ _You hate me… And I do know why._ ” He cuts her off.

“ _I don’t hate you._ ”

He scoffs.

“ _I could not hate you, even if I tried._ _And believe me, I tried._ ” She continues as she gets closer to him when she notices he’s drinking.

“ _Are you drinking?_ ”

“ _Yeah. I am. And?_ ”

“ _You don’t need me to tell you why you shouldn’t._ ”

He looks at the ground, ashamed. Jess sees there’s something more. Justin is sniffing, trying his best not to cry.

“ _My mom… She’s been calling… and texting._ ”

“ _Justin._ ” She turns to face him and gets even closer. She understands what he’s been doing in his old neighborhood now.

“ _She’s back?_ ”

“ _Yeah. She doesn’t give a fuck about how I’m doing, as always, but she wants money._ ”

“ _Did you see her?_ ”

“ _I did._ ” He says with a tremor in his voice.

“ _How did it go?_ ”

“ _I didn’t talk to her. I made it to her apartment but I was too much of a coward to ring the bell… But I saw her, at the window. She was high, as always. I was standing in the street, looking straight at her and … she didn’t even see me Jess.”_ He can't hold back his tears anymore.

She puts her hand against his cheek to wipes the tears away but he pushes her hand.

“ _Don’t._ ”

“ _I’m sorry._ ” She apologizes before she looks down at her feet. 

He feels bad for rejecting her so violently.

He runs his hand through her hair.

“ _Jess. I’m so sorry._ ”

“ _For what?_ ”

She meets his gaze. 

“ _For everything._ ”

Their faces are just a few inches apart and they both feel the electricity in the air. Jessica breaks the stare first.

“ _I should drive you home._ ”

“ _I’m not sure your boyfriend would like this._ ”

“ _I’m not letting you go home by yourself and I don’t think you should stay here either, so I don’t feel like there’s many options.”_

“ _You should stay and enjoy the party. I can walk home.”_

“ _Well, this party sucks, you would do me a favor.”_

“ _Okay._ ” He accepts with a tender smile.

They start to leave the room and Jess realizes how drunk he is when he almost stumbles. She takes his arm.

“ _Here. Let me help you._ ”

Diego is playing another drinking game with his friends when he sees Jessica and Justin walking together pretty closely. He gets up to follow them. They are leaving the party together. He cannot believe it. Jessica lied to him. She didn’t have to take care of anything related to Clay, she went back to Justin. Is this why she refused to sleep with him? Because she’s still sleeping with him? Is this what they left to do together at the camping trip? It has to be. Why wouldn’t she tell him about any of this if it is harmless?

Jessica opens the door to the passenger side and helps Justin get in. She walks around her car to reach the driver’s seat and drives off.

“ _I’m surprised you came to the party._ ”

“ _I didn’t want to… I’m grounded._ ”

Jessica can’t help but laugh.

“ _Wow. That’s a first._ ”

Justin answers with a small laugh.

“ _So why did you come?_ ”

“ _I was looking for Clay, who is grounded to but decided to leave the house anyway._ ”

“ _Did you bring your phone with you?_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

He is to drunk to understand this right now so Jessica explains.

“ _Clay told me your parents are using your phones to track you. If you didn’t bring yours, there’s a chance they won’t have to find out you left the house._ ”

“ _Don’t tell me you believe in this crap too._ ”

“ _I know it sounds insane but… how else could they have figure out you were going back to your old neighborhood?_ ”

“ _I don’t know._ ” He answers in a sight.

“ _Can I ask you something?_ ”

“ _Sure._ ”

“ _Is your mom the only reason you went back there?_ ”

“ _It is._ ”

Jessica is relieved. She believes him.

“ _Clay told me you went back there many times, but you only saw her once?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I … I didn’t really know if I wanted to see her at first. She texted me her address but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to go there. It took me a couples of trials before I got the nerve to check it out … and now I wonder if I should have.”_

“ _I understand._ ”

She gives him an empathetic smile.

“ _Clay doesn’t believe me. He thinks I’m using again… So does his parents… Fuck. Now I’m going home completely drunk. It’s not a surprise they don’t believe me… I’m such a mess._ ”

“ _Don’t say that. You aren’t._ ” Jessica tries to reassure him. He shrugs, not convinced.

“ _How drunk are you on a scale from 1 to 10?_ ”

He’s surprised by the question.

“ _I don’t know… probably a 7.5?_ ”

“ _You’re precise. I like it._ ” She responds jokingly.

“W _hy?_ ”

“ _I think I can get you down to a 5, or at least a 6 before I drop you home._ ”

“ _How?_ ” He seems almost afraid.

“ _Food._ ” She says as she slows down and turns to enter the drive-in of a fast-food restaurant.

He laughs.

“ _I could use some fries._ ”

Jessica agrees. She’s so freaking hungry and to be honest, she does this as much for Justin as she does it for herself. Justin looks at Jessica lovingly while she orders. He didn’t even have to say anything and somehow she orders exactly what he wished for.


	55. Walk Forever By My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Jessica share a moment, just for a few seconds, before real life makes a comeback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Walk Forever By My Side · Twin Shadow
> 
> -WARNING- I realized I forgot a whole chapter during the Love is Love Dance. I added everything that was missing at the end of Chapter 35. I suggest you read it, even so it doesn't change the story, it will at least make more sense.

After they get their food and drinks, Jessica drives to the higher view there is of Evergreen. The view is beautiful there at night.

“ _Thanks for this. I’ll pay you back..._ ”

“ _Oh my god. Shut the fuck up._ ” Jessica cuts him off.

They eat in silence, both of them enjoying the food, the view and the company.

After a few minutes Justin speaks.

“ _It was a good idea. I already feel down to a 6._ ”

“ _Really?”_ Jessica asks, full of hope to which Justin can’t refrain a laugh.

“ _No…. But it was a nice try._ ”

She joins him and laughs too.

“ _You may have underestimated your state with a 7.5 to be fair._ ” Jessica teases him but Justin’s mood changes and she sees he feels guilty.

“ _We should probably go._ ” Justin says in a serious tone.

“ _Yeah, okay._ ”

She stars the car and they drive to the Jensen’s.

* * *

Jessica opens his door and helps him walk to the outhouse.

They enter and she tries to carefully drop him on the bed, but his inebriate state makes it harder so he drags her down with him and she ends up seated on the bed. He looks at her, with fear and shame in his eyes.

“ _They were right not to believe. Look at me, I’m pathetic. I can’t be trusted. I went to the party to look after Clay and I ended up going home alone and drunk.”_

“ _That’s not true.”_

“ _Isn’t it?”_

“ _You fucked up tonight, but you’re far from pathetic and one mistake doesn’t mean you’re not trustworthy.”_

“ _It’s not one mistake Jess. It’s me, my whole life. Maybe I’m just meant to end up like my mom. Maybe I’m just a fucking junkie and nothing more.”_

Jessica tries her best not to break when she hears those words. It pains her to know how Justin feels. She looks up to regain her thoughts and find her next words when she sees the gift she gave him for Christmas on a shelf on top of his bed. She gets up to take it and sits down next to him.

“ _This is who you are._ ” She hands him the framed photograph.

“ _An amazing young m_ _a_ _n who already fought harder than anybody else to survive and_ _to_ _get to where he is today._ _You’re a survivor and you’ll keep surviving and fighting because this is who you are._ ”

He nods and a single tear fells from his eye as he looks at the picture. She wipes the tear away with her hand. He places his own hand on top of hers. They stare at each other for a few seconds and Jessica knows she has to say something or the moment will never stop.

“ _As for Clay… don’t worry. I’ll go back to the party and bring him home okay?_ ”

He nods.

“ _You should get some sleep. I’ll bring you some water._ ”

She gets up and makes her way to the sink. She grabs a glass in one of the cupboard. She places it on the table and looks in the fridge, hoping to find some fresh water. She doesn’t, so she fills the glass with tap water. She places it on the table again. Justin is pretty drunk. She should find a trashcan, a bucket or something and put it near his bed just in case. She goes to their bathroom and looks inside a cabinet. Luckily she finds a bucket pretty quickly. She returns to Justin’s bed and places the bucket on the ground, near his bedside table. She notices he’s already asleep. She takes off his shoes and tries to cover him but he’s lying on the duvet and she doesn’t want to wake him up. She takes the plaid from the couch and places it gently on top of him. She would give everything to lie there with him a few hours. She grabs the glass on the table and puts it on his bedside table. Justin mentioned Amber texted him her address. She hates to do that but someone has to take care of this boy and if Amber won’t, she will. She takes his phone. Luckily for her, Justin took it out of his pocket and dropped it on the bed besides him. She’s lucky again when she notices it’s not password protected even so she’s not surprised, Justin never used to lock his phone. She goes straight to his conversation with his mom. She takes out her phone and makes sure to save Amber’s phone number and address.

She has one more stop to do before she goes back to the party. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of the day. Tomorrow, you'll get 4. After that sadly, I'll have to take a break from posting for a few days. To make it up to you, I'll give you a little teaser for tomorrow's chapters :  
> Hannah wondered if she should go to Jessica's party and it turned out she shouldn't have. Jessica wondered if she should go to Winston's party ...
> 
> -WARNING- I realized I forgot a whole chapter during the Love is Love Dance. I added everything that was missing at the end of Chapter 35. I suggest you read it, even so it doesn't change the story, it will at least make more sense.


	56. Vienna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winston and Diego have a discussion that may change everything. Zach has a choice to make and it may have more consequences than Alex might think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Vienna (2009 Remaster) · Ultravox  
> -WARNING- I realized I forgot a whole chapter during the Love is Love Dance. I added everything that was missing at the end of Chapter 35. I suggest you read it, even so it doesn't change the story, it will at least make more sense.

Diego sees Winston alone in a room and decides to confront him about what Jessica told him earlier tonight. 

“ _Can I ask you something?_ ” He starts.

“ _Sure. What is it?_ ”

“ _I_ _s it true_ _M_ _onty beat the shit out of you at a party?_ ”

“ _W_ _ho told you that?_ ”

“ _Jessica did._ ”

Winston scoffs. She keeps playing the same game he is.

“ _Y_ _ou said you were friends_ _with him_ _._ _W_ _hy the fuck did you lie?_ ”

“ _I didn’t think you would understand._ ”

“ _Understand_ _what?_ ”

Winston takes a deep breath before reveling the truth.

“ _M_ _onty and I_ _,_ _we hooked up at that party._ ”

Diego is taken aback.

“ _H_ _e didn’t want anyone to know and he freaked out when I t_ _r_ _ied_ _to talk to him, so he beat me up in front of_ _everyone_ _so they_ _wouldn't_ _make anything out of it._ ” Winston explains.

Diego has a hard time learning these new facts about someone he considered a friend.

“ _I was with him the night Bryce died, but the reason he didn’t give an alibi is because_ _he didn’t want anyone to know the truth about him._ ”

“ _He shouldn’t have lied._ ” Diego says.

Winston nods.

“ _I know you didn’t know he was..._ ”

“ _It’s cool if he was… I just… I didn’t know… and I didn’t think he was hiding something like this from us._ ” Diego tries to make sense of all of this.

“ _Y_ _ou know why Jessica told you this right?_ _She knows we’re close._ ”

“ _No, she said she wanted me to be careful._ ”

“ _She’s playing you.”_

“ _She’s just looking out for me._ ”

“ _A_ _re you sure about that?_ _Where is she now?_ ” Winston asks.

Diego feels his anger boiling up.

“ _We gotta figure this out for_ _M_ _onty._ ” Winston says.

“ _And you think Jessica is a part of it?_ ”

“ _I know she is. I just have to find proof._ ”

“ _She played me._ ” Diego scoffs.

“ _She played all of us._ ”

“ _For Monty?_ ” Diego extends his hand to Winston.

“ _For Monty_.” Winston shakes it.

* * *

Charlie and Alex are on their way to leave the party when they see a very drunk Clay trying to walk down the stairs in front of the house with difficulty. They make their way to him and help him down.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Alex asks with concern.

“ _I’m..._ ” He doesn’t finish his sentence and pukes on the ground. They just have time to take a step back.

Zach arrives down the stairs.

“ _Jesus man, thank god you did this here and not in my car._ ” He jokes.

Charlie grabs the car keys Zach’s holding.

“ _I’ll take these. Thank you._ ”

Alex shakes his head, with a disapproving look at his best friend.

“ _I feel...way better now._ ” Clay says as he wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

“ _We’ll walk you home._ ” Alex tells him.

Clay is not in any state to argue.

“ _Come on._ ” Charlie says as he grabs his arm to help him walk.

“ _How am I supposed to go home now?_ ” Zach asks them.

“ _You have two options.”_ Alex tells him once he turns back to look at him.

He takes a few steps towards Zach while Charlie stays back with Clay.

“ _One, you walk with us._ ”

Zach scoffs, not enticed by the idea.

“ _Two, you find your way to one one of the many bedrooms in here and sleep it off.”_

“ _That won’t… that won’t bring me any closer to home.”_ Zach drunkenly tries to explains.

“ _Then I guess we’re back to option number 1._ ” Alex gets frustrated with his friend.

“ _No way... I’m not walking... I’d much rather sleep here.”_

Alex rolls his eyes.

“ _Yeah. So option number 2._ ”

Zach finishes the beer he holds and nods, happy with this option.

Alex walks back to Charlie and Clay.

“ _Can we call this a road trip if we’re actually… walking?_ ” Clay asks which leads Alex and Charlie to laugh.

“ _I don’t wanna be you tomorrow morning Clay._ ” Alex sarcastically says.

“ _Yeah, it sucks to be me._ ” This time, Clay sounds way more serious.

“ _Have a nice walk!_ ” Zach yells at them from the bottom of the stairs before he turns around and walks up the stairs.

Once in front of the door he decides to sit on one of the chairs on the porch. It’s a beautiful night and he doesn’t feel tired yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -WARNING- I realized I forgot a whole chapter during the Love is Love Dance. I added everything that was missing at the end of Chapter 35. I suggest you read it, even so it doesn't change the story, it will at least make more sense.


	57. The Killing Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica confronts Amber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Echo & The Bunnymen – The Killing Moon

Jessica hasn’t been in this neighborhood in a long time. Last time was the day before she received Justin’s postcard letting her know he was in Oakland. She used to drive these streets looking for him after he disappeared. She is now driving these streets to confront the woman who wronged him so many times in the past and who decided to keep doing so in the present. It doesn’t take long before she finds her building. She parks her car in the deserted street. How was it possible that Justin was standing here on the sidewalks and his own mother didn’t even see him? She doesn’t understand. She never understood Amber and the way she mistreated Justin who deserves nothing more than to be loved. How can a mother have so little place in her heart for her own child? She thinks about it a few seconds, trying to find what she’ll say to her once she opens the door, if she opens the door. She gets out of her car and arrives at the door of the building. There’s not any security. The door is just open. Jessica’s heart aches when she thinks about the circumstances the boy she loves grew up in. She has no idea which apartment is Amber’s. She remembers a story Justin told her the first time he brought her to his place. His mom always has a doormat. This way, she can put a key of the door under it and make sure she has a way to enter the apartment, no matter how stoned she is. That was the first time Justin had opened up to her about his mom, and her boyfriends. In buildings like this one, people don’t have money to spend on things as futile as doormats so when she sees one in front of one of the door, Jessica knows she found Amber’s place. 

She takes a deep breath. She hears the sound of the TV playing inside. Another thing she knows about Amber is that she never turns off the TV, unless she hasn’t paid her bill and the company cuts the power off altogether. Jessica knocks on the door. No response. She knocks again, a little louder this time. She hears someone moving inside the apartment and after a few seconds the door opens. Amber seems high, but Jessica never saw her sober before so that doesn’t come as a surprise.

“ _What do you want?_ ” Amber asks blankly.

“ _I want to talk to you. Can I come in?_ ”

Amber doesn’t answer but she opens the door more and takes a step back as a sign to invite Jessica in.

“ _Justin isn’t here._ ” The older woman says to her.

Jessica scoffs.

“ _Of course he isn’t here Amber. He doesn’t live with you anymore._ ”

“ _What do you want?_ ” She gets defensive.

“ _Why did you come back?_ ”

“ _I always lived here._ ”

“ _You were gone for a long time. Why did you come back?_ ”

“ _I missed my son._ ”

“ _Cut the crap._ ”

“ _I do._ ” She tries to defend herself but is too stone to elaborate.

“ _I know you texted him. What do you want from him?_ ”

“ _I want to see him._ ”

“ _You can’t.”_

“ _Do you think you’ll keep me from seeing my own son?”_

“ _You son? Are you serious right now?”_

“ _My son yes, he can run away from here but he’ll never change the fact that I’m his mother.”_

“ _His mother? Where were you when he needed you?”_

Amber doesn’t respond and Jessica's angers pours out. She yells and cries at the same time.

“ _Where were you when your boyfriends were abusing him? He was a child. You were the one person supposed to protect him! Where were you when he was starving? Where were you when he had to leave town because Seth threatened his life?”_

Jessica chokes up. Amber seems to feel bad but it isn’t enough for Jessica.

“ _How can a mother let her child suffer so much and for so long? Why didn’t you help him? Why didn’t you love him?”_

“ _I did… I do love him..._ ” The older woman finally answers.

Jessica calms down a little. Her tone is now calm but tears are still spilling up on her cheeks.

“ _If you really do love him you’ll leave him alone for good. Don’t text him. Don’t call him. He finally has something he craved for all his life; a family. They are great people and they take care of him better than you ever did._ ”

“ _I want to see him. I want to talk to him._ ”

Jessica scoffs.

“ _Why? Do you plan on asking him money again?_ ”

Amber is embarrassed.

“ _You didn’t even asked him if he was okay._ ” Jessica ads in a whispers.

“ _I know I’m not a perfect mother but I tried my best and the day you’ll have a kid you’ll realize that it’s not that easy...”_

“ _No.”_ Jessica cuts her off. _“I know it won’t be easy, but I also know the day I’ll become a mother the easiest part will be to love my child with my whole heart. You couldn’t even give him that.”_

“ _I know.”_

Jessica is startled _._ She didn’t expect Amber to accept some kind of responsibility.

“ _Justin is happy. He has an amazing family and lot of friends who look after him. Don’t ruin that for him. You already did enough damage.”_

Amber nods reluctantly. She knows Jessica has told her nothing but the truth.

Jessica takes one of the takeout menus from the coffee-table and takes out a pen from her bag. She gribbles something onto it.

“ _This is my number. If you need anything from now on you text or call me instead of Justin. Is that clear?_ ”

Amber takes the flyer Jessica is handing out to her.

Jessica walks to the door and leaves.

Once in her car, she remembers she has to go back to the party to find Clay. 

_Shit_. She should have texted Diego long ago to explain where she went. He is for sure going to be pissed at her. 


	58. Killing Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica looks for Clay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Roman Remains – Killing Moon

Jessica makes her way back to Winston’s. She parks her car in front of the house. There is not many cars left. She looks at the time on her phone _3:21_ and notices all the missed-calls she has from Diego. He didn’t text her. She’ll deal with this later. She has to look for Clay now. 

The music is still playing inside but outside a few people passed out here and there, everyone seems to have left. She goes from room to room, hoping to find Clay. She should have come here before going to see Amber but she didn’t realize it was this late. She doesn’t find Clay. She walks down the stairs after having searched the first and second floor without luck. She walks towards the garden, the last place she hasn’t looked at. No sign of Clay. She takes out her phone and texts him.

Jessica : _Did you make it home in one piece?_

She knows she probably won’t get an answer.

She goes back inside and walks across the entrance and to the front door.

Once she’s outside, she’s surprised to see Diego standing in front of her car. She was right, he definitely is pissed.

“ _I’m so sorry. I forgot to text you._ ” She apologizes as she makes her way to him.

“ _I have to say I’m not surprised. How was it?_ ”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _You’re still sleeping with him right? I saw you leave with Foley._ ”

“ _I’m not. He was just..._ ” She tries to explain but Diego cuts her off

“ _Stop lying to me!_ ”

“ _I’m not. I..._ ”

“ _You’ve been using me all this time._ ” He cuts her off again.

Jessica doesn’t know how to answer this.

“ _You’re a real slut. Do you think you could just manipulate me like that?_ ”

Jessica starts to be afraid. He’s extremely angry and the saddest part is he is right. 

She walks towards the door to the driver’s seat but Diego grabs her arm.

“ _You’re such a fucking tease!”_

He slams her against the car.

“ _You played me and I think I deserve what you promised._ ”

He starts to kiss her but she fights back and pushes him off of her, enough to have time to reach the handle of the door with her hand. Unfortunately, he is way stronger than she is and he slams her against the car once more, this time her back is against him.

“ _Please, Diego._ ” She tries with every strength she has to push him away but it makes him angrier.

“ _Shut the fuck up._ ” He shoves her head against the car and she feels blood coming out of her lips. He holds her against the car and tears her dress. He slides one of his hand underneath it and tries to take off her underwear when the sounds of glass breaking makes the two of them jump.

“ _Get the fuck away from her!_ ”

Jessica lets out a sob when she sees Zach standing there with a broken beer bottle, ready to attack Diego.

For a few seconds, Diego is like paralyzed and he doesn’t react. Zach throws the bottle to the ground and punches Diego in the face. 

Jessica turns around but stays glued against her car, unable to move. 

Diego gets up from the ground, ready to punch Zach in return when a police car arrives so Diego refrains himself from attacking Zach.

Deputy Standall exists the car and walks straight to Diego.

“ _Against the car!”_ He orders him.

Jessica takes a few steps away from her car when Diego is shoved against it in return by Bill who places handcuffs on him.

“ _Thank you._ ” She lets out in a breath to Zach.

“ _I saw you two arguing. I … I didn’t know if I should do something so I called Bill but … I had do do something_.” Zach responds, pretty shaken up as well.

“ _Jessica, do you want me to drive you to the hospital?_ ” Bill asks her and she puts her hand to her lips to asses the damage.

“ _No…_ _It’s okay… I’m… I’m okay._ ” 

She still has trouble breathing.

“ _What are you going to do with him?_ ” Zach asks him, pointing at Diego seating at the back of the police car.

“ _I’m taking him to the station. The rest depends on what you want to do about this Jessica._ ” He looks at her.

“ _I…_ _I don’t wanna press charges._ ” She knows well how all of this works by now.

“ _Jess._ ” Zach is sadden she doesn’t want him to pay for what he did.

“ _No. I… I don’t want to._ ”

“ _Okay. Do you want me to call you_ _r_ _parents or anyone?_ ” Bill asks her.

“ _No. I’ll be alright… Thank you._ ”

“ _Do you need me to come to the station for a deposition or…?_ ” Zach asks Bill.

Mr. Standall looks at Jessica before answering Zach’s question.

“ _If Jessica doesn’t wanna press charges, there’s no need son._ ”

Zach looks at the both of them, surprise by the way things turned out.

“ _You’re going to lock him up so, right?_ ”

“ _We are going to keep him in detention for the night, but he’ll be free to go tomorrow._ ”

“ _What if I press charges? Can I do that?_ ” He refuses to let him go unpunished.

“ _Zach._ ” Jessica tries to calm him down.

“ _I suggest you two go home now. Are you okay to drive Jessica?_ ”

“ _I am yes._ ”

“ _Be safe._ ” The deputy tells them before reaching his car.

“ _Bill._ ” Jessica calls him. He turns around.

“ _Please don’t tell Alex about this._ ”

He nods and enters his car before driving away.

The music coming from inside the house is barely audible and the silence around them is heavy. They are still in shock. Everything happened so quickly and ended even faster.

“ _I’ll… I’ll drive you home._ ” Jessica’s voice brings Zach back to reality.

He makes his way to the passenger’s side and sits inside the car.

“ _I can’t actually go home. My mom is going to kill me if I arrive this drunk and this late._ ”

“ _You.. you don’t seem drunk._ ”

“ _Some things have a way to sober you up quicker than you ever thought possible but… I’m still pretty drunk… even if I don’t really feel it now._ ”

“ _You can crash at my place. It would be nice not to be alone for once… especially after this._ ”

“ _Yeah, of course._ ” Zach responds with a sympathetic smile.

Jessica drives off. 


	59. Die a Little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach and Jessica share a rare moment of friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : YUNGBLUD – Die a Little

Jessica and Zach enter her house. 

Zach didn’t lie, the drive home was quiet and his drunkenness came back. 

She helps him walk up the stairs.

“ _You can sleep in my parent’s bedroom._ ” She explains to him as she opens the door of the room.

Zach takes the few steps to the bed on his own and he sits at the end of the bed. Jessica leans against the door-frame.

“ _I’m so sorry._ ” Zach tells her.

She looks at the ground. Diego turned her once again in a victim and she feels ashamed.

“ _I’m sorry too._ ” She responds in a low voice.

He looks at her, perplexed.

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _I’ve been a bitch to you a lot this year. If it weren’t for you..._ ” She doesn’t end the sentence, it’s too overwhelming to think about what would have happened if it wasn’t for Zach.

“ _I haven’t been the best of friends either lately._ ”

Jessica chuckles.

“ _We truly suck at being friends._ ”

“ _It’s never too late to change that._ ” Zach tells her in a determined tone.

She nods.

“ _Are you going to be okay tonight? I can stay up with you if you want._ ” Zach offers.

“ _I’ll be… No, I won’t be okay, but I haven’t been okay in a long time so..._ _Thank you, for being there earlier._ ” Jessica offers him a grateful smile.

Zach breaks down crying.

“ _Zach._ ” She makes her way to the bed and sits besides him.

“ _What is it?_ ”

“ _I almost left earlier… I was about to leave with Clay, but Charlie took my keys and I ended up staying there. If…_ ”

“ _Don’t think about that._ ”

“ _No. I … if I had acted like a jerk like I always do nowadays I wouldn’t have been there._ ”

“ _Like you said, it’s not too late too change that._ ”

He nods.

“ _Don’t quote me on this, but you’re a great guy Zach. Don’t waste your last few months at Liberty acting like the jerk I know you’re not._ ”

She suddenly realizes something.

“ _If Clay didn’t leave with you, do you know how he left?_ ”

“ _Yeah, Charlie and Alex walked him home._ ”

She sighs, relieved.

“ _How are you so strong?_ ” Zach wonders.

Jessica looks at him, not understanding his question.

“ _How do you find the strength to comfort me and worry about Clay after this?_ ”

Jessica closes her eyes and answers with a trembling in her voice.

“ _Because if I break down now, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make my way back._ ”

Zach takes her hand in his and they stay a few seconds like this.

“ _Can you promise me something?_ ” She asks him.

“ _Anything_.”

“ _Don’t tell anyone about this._ ”

He nods and Jessica gets up.

“ _You can stay as long as you want. Make yourself at home. If you want anything to drink or eat or…_ _anything,_ _it’s yours._ ”

“ _Got it. Thanks._ ”

She leaves the room and enters her own bedroom. She turns on the light on her bedside-table and makes her way to her mirror. Her fingers brushes her lips. She didn’t think it looked this bad. She slowly takes of her dress and immediately puts on the first sweatpants and t shirt she finds in her wardrobe. She takes a hanger and puts the dress she wore tonight on it before she hangs it on the door of her closet. She takes a few steps back to examine it. This is another dress she’ll never wore again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, I won't publish anything for a few days. I feel like it is a good place to stop before a little break. Don't worry, the story is far from over. If you followed season 4, you know we're about to enter the 6th episode. 
> 
> What is going to happen between Diego and Jessica now?  
> Is Zach going to follow Jessica's advice?   
> Will we ever hear from Amber again?


	60. Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica planned on staying home all day, but when did anything ever went according to the plan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Tom Odell- Heal

It’s been a few hours since she got to bed and Jessica is woken up by the sound of her phone ringing. She opens her eyes. She’s pretty sure she fall asleep only a few minutes ago. She sits up and quickly notices how much her body hurts. Her arms hurt, her back hurts, everything does. She extends her hand and grabs her phone.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“...”

“ _Now?_ ”

“...”

“ _No… no it’s okay, I’ll come._ ”

“...”

“ _I said I’ll come. Where?_ ”

“...”

“ _Can’t I meet you at your place?_ ”

“...”

“ _It’s okay. I’ll be there as soon as possible._ ”

She hangs up and sighs. She wished she could have stayed home all day.

She gets up and stops walking immediately when she’s faced with the dress she wore last night hanging on her closet’s door. She takes it and throws it on the floor with anger. _Damn_. The quick movement reminds her how sore she is. She opens the door to her closet and picks a sweater that she puts on carefully. She can’t leave without telling Zach. She walks to her desk and stops when she notices her reflection in the mirror ; she has to stop by the bathroom before she leaves. She gets to her desk and tears off a sheet of paper from one of her notebook before writing a few words for Zach. She leaves her bedroom and slowly opens the door to her parent’s bedroom. Zach is still there, deeply asleep. She tiptoes and places the note on the nightstand. She gets out of the room and enters the bathroom. She opens the tap and splashes water on her face. It feels nice for a few seconds before the wound of her lip starts to sting. She quickly dries her face before brushing her teeth. Then, she searches for disinfectant in the cabinet. She applies it carefully on her lip and can’t help but wince when it burns her skin. She looks at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair is a mess but she couldn’t care less right now. She leaves the bathroom and makes her way downstairs. She takes a deep breath before she opens the door. Leaving her house is even harder than she thought it would be.

She arrives at her car and stops dead when she sees her blood on the window of the driver’s side. Memories from the event of last night resurface in her mind and she has too close her eyes and count to five to catch her breath. She opens her eyes and tries to wipe the dried blood with her sleeve. She couldn’t care less about any possible stain left on her sweater. It doesn’t work completely but she’s in a hurry so she enters her car and drives off.

* * *

She arrives at the dinner, and she doesn’t see the person she’s supposed to meet ; maybe she rushed for nothing. She sits in one of the booth and jumps when the waiter greets her and asks what she wants to order. She has an incredibly difficult time to respond and stares at him blankly before answering the first thing that comes to her mind.

“ _One hot chocolate please._ ”

He waits a few more seconds, probably for her to order some food but when she doesn’t he leaves her side. She pulls on the sleeves of her sweater, for some reason she’s extremely cold.

* * *

Amber enters the dinner and walks towards her. She sits on the booth, on the other side of the table.

Jessica can’t help but think she doesn’t look any better than the older woman does at this moment. The waiter comes back with her drink and looks at Amber, waiting for her order.

“ _Do you want something?_ ” Jessica asks her.

“ _One coffee. Black._ ” Amber asks the man who quickly leaves their side.

Jessica takes a sip of her hot chocolate and puts it down when it awfully stings.

“ _What the hell happened to you?”_ Amber asks her with the lack of sympathy she always showed.

“ _This is not why I’m here. What do you want?_ ”

The waiter places her coffee in front of Amber and she puts her hands around it but doesn’t drink.

Jessica gets frustrated when she doesn’t respond.

“ _So?_ ”

“ _I… I thought a lot about what you said last night._ ”

Jessica nods, inviting her to continue.

“ _You’re right. I shouldn’t try to contact Justin again._ ”

A small smile forms on Jessica’s lips. She knows it’s for the best but she can only imagine how hard it must be for Amber to make this decision.

“ _But… I have a favor to ask you in return._ ”

Amber grabs the cup of coffee and drinks a good amount. The smile on Jessica’s face fades and she gets anxious, especially because she can see how much Amber is too. When she doesn’t continue, Jess asks in a harsh tone.

“ _What favor? What do you want?_ ”

“ _I…_ ” the woman searches for something in her bag “ _… last night after we spoke..._ ”

She takes out an envelop and puts it on the table.

“ _... I wrote a letter for Justin. Would you give it to him for me please?_ ”

“ _I don’t know..._ ” 

Jessica doesn’t really want Justin to know she saw his mom.

“ _Please._ ” 

Amber pleads and Jessica has pity for her at that moment. _Does she care after all?_

“ _Fine. I’ll give this to him. I promise.”_

“ _Thank you.”_

They stare at each other for a few minutes, both drinking their hot beverage in silence.

“ _What are you going to do now?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _Do you plan on leaving Evergreen?”_

“ _I can’t, even if I wanted too. I don’t have the money to live somewhere else.”_

“ _Do you have a job?”_

“ _I’m a junkie. Who do you think is gonna hire me?”_

“ _I guess the_ _solution_ _is to_ _get clean_ _then.”_

“ _Because you think it’s a choice? Just something I can do like this?”_

Jessica feels bad. She knows addiction is a disease and not a choice but unlike Justin who tried his best again and again to get clean, Amber never made any effort that she knows of.

“ _I’m sorry. I know it’s not that easy._ ”

Amber finishes her coffee.

“ _You’ll give him the letter?_ ” She asks again, to be sure.

“ _Yes, I will._ ” Jessica confirms.

Amber grabs her bag and is ready to leave when Jessica stops her.

“ _Wait._ ”

She sits back down.

“ _I need you to promise me something too._ ”

Amber sighs.

“ _Don’t you think you’ve asked enough of me already?_ ”

Jessica takes out an envelop from her bag and places it on the table but doesn’t give it to Amber, she keeps her hand on it.

“ _Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Promise me you’ll try. I don’t have any love for you Amber, but Justin does. Even if you’re not a part of his life anymore, he still needs you to get better._ ”

Amber is surprised. Jessica is the first person since Justin who cares enough to ask her to take care of herself, so she nods. She already knows she will fail but at this second she thinks it’s maybe worth a try anyway.

Jessica slides the envelop across the table.

“ _This is not much but it’s enough money to help you for a while. Use it for rent and bills._ ”

“ _I will._ ” Amber responds as she shoves it in her bag. She gets up and turns to say one last thing to Jessica.

“ _I’m… I’m glad he has someone like you too look after him. He’s lucky to have you._ ”

She leaves and Jessica looks down at her cup. She takes another sip, but it was a mistake. Her empty stomach growls and she feels she’s getting sick. She runs towards the toilets.

She returns to the booth after a few minutes and gives the waiter a sign. He approaches her.

“ _Can I get you anything else?_ ”

“ _Yes, a glass of water please … and the check._ ”

Jessica’s phone vibrates in her bag. _Shit_. She’s lucky no one stole it when she ran out of the booth. It’s Clay.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“ _H_ _i_ _Jess_ _ica. I only_ _saw your text this morning, I’m sorry I didn’t reply._ ”

“ _It’s okay. What do you want?_ ” Part of her is still pissed at him.

“ _Did you talk to me at the party last night?_ ”

“ _How much did you have to drink? Yes, we talked a little bit. Why?_ ”

“ _Do you think you could meet_ _me_ _at Monet’s?_ ”

Jessica joined Amber at the dinner because she doesn’t know anyone who goes there instead of Rosie’s, but she doesn’t feel ready to see people she knows and it could happen at Monet’s.

“ _I don’t really wanna go to Monet’s right now… How about Eisenhower park?_ ”

It’s the perfect place if she doesn’t want to see anybody and it’s pretty close from where she is right now.

“ _Uhm… okay. 15 minutes?_ ”

“ _I’ll be there._ ”

She hangs up and turns off her phone because she really doesn’t want anyone else to bother her today. 15 minutes gives her enough time to finish her water before she has to leave.


	61. Breathe Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica helps Clay remember some events of the night before while Zach discovers something that could change everything in his friends lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Breathe Me · Sia

Zach groans when he is woken up by his ringing phone. He rubs his forehead before opening his eyes and takes a few seconds to remember where he is. He sits on the bed and searches for his phone in the sheets.

“ _Hello?_ ” His voice is hoarse.

“ _Good morning Zach._ _It’s_ _Bill._ ”

He remembers the event of last night. _So that wasn’t part of a nightmare._

“ _Good-morning sir.”_

“ _Did you make it home okay?_ ”

“ _Yeah, we did. I stayed at her house for the night._ ”

“ _That’s good. How is she doing?_ ”

“ _She was doing pretty good last night, considering what happened, but I haven’t seen her this morning... I just woken up._ ”

“ _Okay. I didn’t want to bother her so I figured I’ll call you...”_

“ _Why? Did something happen?_ ”

“ _No, no, don’t worry kid. I just wanted to tell you that we released Diego this morning like we talked about_ _last night_ _._ ”

“ _Oh, okay. Thank you for letting me know._ ”

“ _It’s the least I can do. With everything, I didn’t told you this but you did the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. I’m glad my son has a friend like you and I’m sure Jessica is grateful too._ ”

Zach shakes his head. He did the right thing last night but that doesn’t make up for all the times he screwed up before that.

“ _Thank you sir._ ”

“ _I have to go, but make sure to call me if there’s anything you need._ ”

“ _I will, thank you._ ”

“ _Bye Zach._ ”

“ _Bye._ ”

Zach rubs his eyes. His mouth is extremely dry and he has a massive headache. He stands up and notices the note on the nightstand.

“ _Zach, I had to leave to take care of something, not_ _h_ _ing bad don’t worry. I’ll be back pretty soon. Make yourself at home. Jess_ ”

He wonders how long ago she left when his phone rings again. He sits back down on the bed as he answers.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“ _Zachary Shan-Yung Dempsey, can you explain to me why you’re not home yet?_ ”

“ _Hi mom. I told you I was staying at Alex’s last night_ _didn’t I?_ ”

“ _You did, but you told me you were spending the night there and it’s almost the middle of the day._ ”

He sighs, bothered by his mother’s smothering.

“ _I’m sorry. The Standall’s invited me for lunch and I figured it wouldn’t be polite to refuse considering I spend the night at their place._ ”

“ _Well, at least you still have some manners._ ”

Zach scoffs, is there something his mom won’t criticize him about one day?

“ _I’ll come home later today don’t worry._ ”

His mom hangs up without even answering.

He gets up and decides to freshen-up a little.

He used to hang out here from time to time when Jessica was dating Justin and they all hang out together, back when Bryce and Monty were still alive, so he has no trouble finding the bathroom.

He still has Jessica’s note in his hand. He crumples it into a ball and tries to shoot it into the trashcan, but fails.

“ _Nice one Dempsey._ ” 

He miss playing sports like he used too.

He runs his hands under the water in the sink and splatters some on his face. It helps him woke up a little more. He quickly wipes his hands on his jeans and makes his way to the trashcan to retrieve the note and throw it correctly. He bends to grab it but before he throws it, he notices something in the trash. 

_Oh my god_.

* * *

For the second time today, Jessica arrives before the person she’s supposed to meet. She sits on a bench as she waits. She stares blankly at the rocket slide and thinks about Hannah.

“ _Hey._ ”

She jumps when she hears Clay’s voice.

“ _Hey_ ” she responds with a fake smile

He sits besides her.

“ _What is that?_ ” He points at her lip and she instinctively hides it with her hand.

“ _Just… me… being clumsy. What did you want to talk about?”_

“ _What did we talk about last night?”_

“ _You don’t remember?”_

He shakes his head.

“ _Well, I’m not totally surprised, you were pretty drunk._ ”

“ _Yeah, I kinda piece_ _d_ _that together when I woke up with a massive hangover._ ”

“ _We didn’t talk much. I just confronted you about Justin.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _Because you may have been drunk, but that doesn’t excuse everything.”_

“ _No, I mean… what happened between me and Justin? He hasn’t said a word to me all morning and I wonder why.”_

“ _You really don’t remember?”_

Clay is ashamed to reveal it, but he doesn’t really have a choice if he wants to know what happened.

“ _No, I have not a single memory of the party.”_

“ _Lucky you.”_ Jessica says in a low voice.

“ _Alex texted me this morning so I know he and Charlie brought me home but I don’t remember anything I did between the moment I arrived at the party and the moment I woke up this morning._ ”

“ _I didn’t spend much time with you. I saw you argue with Justin and later I confronted you about it but that's all I can tell you._ ”

“ _So, what did we argue about?_ ”

“ _The only thing I know is that you told him your parents only drug-tested him because they didn’t trust him._ ”

“ _Shit._ ” 

Clay feels incredibly guilty. He may not remember having said that but the words still left his mouth somehow.

“ _Yeah, nice job on being a complete asshole._ ”

“ _I’m sorry.. I… I don’t know why I did that._ ”

“ _Clay I’m not the one you need to apologize too._ ”

“ _I know… Do you know if I interacted at all with Winston or Diego?”_

Jessica feels paralyzed when she hears the boy’s name.

“ _Jess?”_

“ _I have no idea.”_

“ _Well, did your boyfriend told you anything about me last night?”_

“ _He’s not... I … no.”_

“ _Okay, good. I should go home, I’m supposed to be grounded.”_

“ _Yeah, Justin told me about it last night.”_

Clay is already up and ready to leave but he has to ask one more thing.

“ _Does he hate me?”_

“ _He doesn’t. He loves you_ _r lame ass.”_ She replies with a warm smile.

Clay begins to leave.

“ _But Clay, next time I’ll seriously beat the shit out of you._ ”

He nods, persuaded she’ll do it and leaves.

Jessica once again pulls on the sleeves of her sweater. If it wasn’t for the fact she is cold she would stay here a little longer. She hates the fact she has to go back to her car and empty house.

* * *

When Jessica arrives home, she’s surprised to find Zach seated on her couch.

“ _I thought you would have been gone by now._ ”

“ _I need to talk to you actually so I decided to wait._ ”

“ _Okay..._ ” She puts her bag on the floor and waits for Zach to talk.

“ _Why did you refuse to press charges?_ ”

“ _Zach, I’m not in the mood to explain myself right now._ ”

“ _I think I know why you didn’t because… I found this._ ”

He places something on the coffee-table.

She sits on the chair besides her, defeated. 

The secret she kept for months is out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you hate me if I told you it was the last chapter of the day? That said, I may change my mind, depending on how much more I can write today.  
> What do you think is Jessica's secret? I know it's not really that hard to figure out and if you think about it there was many clues throughout the first 60 chapters.


	62. Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica has no other choice than to face the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Michael Schulte – Someone

It has already been a minute since Zach’s last words and Jessica’s eyes are still fixated on what Zach just placed on the coffee-table.

“ _It makes sense if..._ ” Zach tries to add when Jessica finally says something.

“ _This has nothing to do with him._ ”

“ _Okay. I just thought..._ ”

“ _No… I… I never slept whit him._ ”

“ _So it’s..._ ” Zach wants to know but he doesn’t really want to ask.

“ _Justin._ ” Jessica explains in a sigh.

“ _Does he know?_ ”

“ _He doesn’t._ ”

Zach feels bad for having to ask her all these questions but the situation calls for it.

“ _When did you find out?_ ”

“ _Last November._ ”

The truth hits Zach in the face and he has trouble understanding it.

“ _So you’re..._ ”

“ _Over four months pregnant._ ”

Jessica is conflicted ; she doesn’t want to face it, but at the same time, it feels nice to share this with someone.

“ _Oh my god.”_ are the only words Zach is able to let out.

“ _Yeah.”_ Jessica nods, knowing how complicated and surprising this is.

“ _Did you tell anyone?_ ”

“ _I didn’t… I… I was planning on telling Justin of course, but he went to rehab and broke up with me as soon as he got back so..._ ”

“ _You need to tell him._ ” Zach hates saying this, but as one Justin’s best friend he knows he deserves the truth. 

“ _I know that but..._ ” Jessica looks down at her feet, looking for a reason she shouldn’t but knows it doesn’t exist. 

Zach can see how hard it is for her so he asks another question.

“ _Did you see a doctor or something?_ ”

“ _No. I… I’ve just been taking these practically every week, hoping the result would somehow change, I..._ ” she says, pointing at the pregnancy test on the coffee-table.

Zach is starting to understand the situation.

“ _I’m.. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this alone._ ” Zach offers her with a sympathetic smile that Jessica’s returns.

“ _Do you know what you’re going to do about it… I mean… how do you feel about this?_ ” Zach has been there for Chloe in the past and he knows how hard it must be to be faced with a decision like this one.

“ _I don’t know. I..._ ”

Jessica unconsciously puts her hand on her stomach.

“… _it’s not something I wished for. My life is a mess right now, Justin and I broke up and he’s still trying to get better so… it’s probably a bad idea, but at the same time…”_

A small smile forms on her lips, and the fear in her eyes is almost gone.

“… _this_ _is the result_ _of our love for each other and … I can’t help but think about how_ _wonderful it is that this_ _is a part of me and him._ ”

Zach nods, he understands what she means but doesn’t know how to respond to it.

“ _I was supposed to talk to Chloe at the party. I figured it would help me_ _m_ _ake a decision, but things got crazy, as they tend to do._ ”

“ _It was a good idea. I wanna help you Jessica, but there’s only so much I can do. I think the first thing you should do is talk to Justin. This isn’t something you should go through alone._ ”

Jessica nods but she knows she won’t have the strength to face Justin. If she sees him now she’s definitely gonna break down and she’s trying her best not to, especially after last night. Zach is at a loss for words so he changes the subject.

“ _Mr. Standall called me this morning._ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _He wanted to check on you and to let us know they let him out this morning._ ”

“ _Oh. Okay._ ”

This time Jessica is the one at a loss of words. What could she say about this?

“ _He shouldn’t be. Why did you refuse to press charges?_ ”

“ _Because I don’t want him to hate me more than he already does._ ”

“ _Why do you care about this? Do you, like, really have feelings for him?_ ”

Jessica stands up and starts walking back and forth in the living room as she tries to explain herself.

“ _Of course not! I don’t, but he was right by saying I played him. I shouldn’t have and now it’s all gonna bite me in the ass if I do anything wrong and..._ ” Jessica is getting frantic and Zach wonders why.

“ _Just, calm down. What is happening exactly?_ ”

Jessica sits down and sighs before she explains the whole story.

“ _I only started to date him because I thought it would help me follow the team’s investigation and… I may have made a deal with him about Clay; we would date if he agreed to stop messing with him. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I was just spiraling and felt guilty that Clay was dragged into all of this because of me and… I don’t know. The problem now is that Winston and Diego are getting closer, to each other and to the truth and … if I press charges against him, who knows what his next move is gonna be?”_

“ _I understand. What are we going to do?_ ”

“ _There’s nothing we can do. I think they both know we lied, but there’s no way they are going to find out the whole truth. They can’t. How?_ ”

Zach nods ; Jessica is right, there’s no proof so even if they are sure they lied, they can’t do anything about it. He rubs his forehead again, all those information not helping his hangover.

“ _I’m sorry to unload all of this on you. I know it’s a lot._ ” Jessica apologizes.

“ _Don’t worry about me. You should start worrying about yourself._ ”

Jessica shots him a confused look.

“ _We can’t do anything about the whole Monty situation so how about we do something about this situation?_ ” He points at the pregnancy test.

“ _I don’t want to bring you into this Zach. I can handle this on my own._ ”

“ _I know you can. That doesn’t mean you should. First thing first, you’re going to make an appointment with a doctor._ ”

“ _Zach..._ ”

“ _I won’t leave until you do._ ”

“ _It’s Sunday. Doctors' offices are closed._ ”

“ _Then book an appointment at the hospital._ ”

“ _There’s no way I’m going to Evergreen's hospital. I can’t risk Mrs Standall seeing me there._ ”

“ _What’s the second closest hospital?_ ”

“ _Zach, it’s two hours away, I..._ ”

“I’ll drive you there... It’s been four months Jessica.”

“ _I know… I’ll book an appointment on Monday okay?_ ”

Zach leans back on the couch, showing his determination. He’ll stay as long as he needs to if it encourages her to make the call. Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _Fine_ _. Let me get my laptop._ ”

She gets up and walks up the stairs to get it.

“ _I’ll be waiting here… as long as I need to._ ”

Zach yells at her while she reaches the first floor. 


	63. Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and Justin talk about the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : James Bay – Us

Justin is looking at something on Clay’s computer, concentrated on the words written on the website.

“ _Justin, I’m so so..._ ”

Clay enters the room but doesn’t finish his sentence when he sees what Justin is looking at.

Justin closes the laptop but knows it’s too late, Clay saw it.

“ _Adoption annulment, really? I know I’ve been a nightmare lately but..._ ”

“ _I know. It’s not about you. I… I was just..._ ” Justin tries to explain, ashamed.

“ _Listen, I’m so sorry about what I might have said to you. I shouldn’t have._ ”

Justin shrugs.

“ _It’s okay._ ”

“ _No, it’s not. Please, don’t feel like me or the folks don’t want you here. I’ve just been going through a lot and I must have taken it out on you, but I was wrong to do so._ ”

Justin nods but doesn’t respond. He’s not afraid they might want him gone. He’s the one searching for a way out.

“ _Did they notice I was gone?_ ” Clay asks, worry about his parents finding out about the party or the fact that he left again this morning.

“ _I don’t think so, but you’ve got to stop this. You can’t keep disappearing and breaking the rules. Your parents are starting to get really worried about you._ ”

“ _Our parents._ ” Clay corrects him.

“ _Yeah, well, our parents are trying their best and they already have one messed-up son to worry about so don’t make their job harder okay? They don’t deserve this.”_

Clay is the one to nod without responding this time around.He’s trying his best but he’s losing his mind lately and feels like all around him are people judging him. He knows his parents are worried and that’s the reason he keeps pretending he is fine instead of coming clean with the fact he is really far from it.

“ _Good news is we know why the test was positive._ ” Justin tries to joke.

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _When I came looking for you at Winston’s, you were smoking on a bong. That’s why we started arguing._ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _You don’t remember?_ ”

“ _No, I don’t. I don’t remember anything actually. All I know is from what Alex and Jessica told me._ ”

“What did they tell you?”

“ _Not much. Alex and Charlie brought me home because I was really drunk, but they didn’t talk to me before that. Jessica only talked to me after we fought._ ”

“ _Wait. You didn’t get home with Jessica?_ ”

“ _Apparently not. Why?_ ”

“ _She told me she was going to look for you and bring you home, but I guess she got distracted by her new hot boyfriend._ ”

“ _Don’t do that._ ”

“ _Are you seriously defending him now?_ ”

“ _I’m not. I’m defending her. We both know she would be with you if you didn't break up with her._ _S_ _he stood up for you last night, and again this morning, so the least you could do is give her the benefice of the doubt._ ” 

Justin feels guilty. He didn’t mean anything bad with his comment ; he’s just jealous. Jessica has been amazing with him last night and to think she went back to the party to be with Diego just angers him.

“ _And please, don’t look up whatever that was ever again. You’re family and you’ll always be. There’s no escaping this. I’m sorry, but you’re stuck living with an asshole like me._ ”

Justin chuckles.

“ _I wouldn’t say asshol_ _e. Dumb-ass suits you better._ ”

“ _Shut the fuck up._ ” Clay replies jokingly. 

Justin can't help but wonder if he can actually escape. He needs to. He has to, because he can't do that to them. 


	64. Mess is Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Vance Joy- Mess is Mine

Jessica is sitting on the floor, her laptop on the coffee-table. Zach is still sitting on the couch, head in his hands, rubbing his temples, trying to ease his migraine.

“ _You can make an appointment online and… there’s an opening on Tuesday._ ” Jessica says.

“ _Well, do it._ ”

“ _I can’t. We have school on Tuesday._ ”

“ _Come on, we’re seniors on our last semester, I think we can skip school for a few hours._ ”

“ _I don’t want you to skip because of me. I can drive myself there._ ”

“ _You do know how many hours I already skipped lately right? At least it will be for something useful for once._ ”

“ _Fine… It’s done.”_

She looks up at Zach and notices how bad he looks.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

“ _I’m fine. I’m just paying the consequences for all the drinking last night._ ”

“ _Hold on._ ”

Jessica gets up and disappears in her kitchen for a few minutes before she comes back and places a tall glass of water and a pill in front of Zach.

“ _There you go. Drink up if you want to feel better._ ”

“ _Thanks_.”

“ _You’re welcome._ ”

Zach grabs the pill and swallows it with the help of the water.

“ _I’m surprised your mom hasn’t called yet._ ”

Zach smiles.

“ _She did. I told her I was at Alex’s but at some point I’ll have to go home. I’m sorry to have to leave you alone. I can tell her...”_

“ _Zach it’s okay. Go home. I’ve been alone in here for a while. I’ll survive.”_

“ _Can I please stay a few more minutes? I’m not ready to deal with her right now.”_

Jessica chuckles. It’s crazy how much impact Mrs Dempsey has on her son and how much scared of her he sometimes is.

“ _Sure. I’ll drive you home later._ ”

Zach nods, thankful and Jessica turns on the TV. They silently watch an old sitcom for about an hour until Zach knows he’s pushing his luck with his mom.

* * *

“ _You can drop me here. My mom can’t see you dropping me off._ ”

Jessica stops the car.

“ _If you need anything just text me okay?_ ”

She nods.

“ _You t_ _o_ _o. If you need to escape your prison, I’m just a few minutes away._ ”

“ _Thanks. Do you want to drive to school with me tomorrow?_ ”

“ _Thanks for the offer, but I probably won’t go.”_

“ _Do you need me to remember you how you complained on missing school Tuesday?_ ”

“ _I know. It’s just… every-time I get out of my house I realize how hard it is… and I don’t think I can face him tomorrow._ ”

“ _Diego?_ ”

Jessica nods, but she doesn’t want to see Justin more than she wants to see Diego.

“ _I understand, but you don’t have to worry, I won’t let him get anywhere near you.”_

“ _I’ll think about it.”_

“ _No matter what, I’ll be parked in front of your house tomorrow morning and I hope you’ll come out.”_

“ _Don’t get your hopes up.”_

“ _And I’m sorry about… everything. I’ve been pretty hostile to you these last few months and you probably didn’t need my shitty behavior on top of all this.”_

“ _Don’t feel bad. We’ve both been shitty with each other. As awful as last night was, at least it lead us here. Maybe this is our chance to do better.”_

“ _To be better.”_ Zach ads with a smile that Jessica returns.

He exits the car and she drives off.


	65. Windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach has to keep Jessica's secret and it's killing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Angel Olsen – Windows

Monday is here and Zach got disappointed when Jessica didn’t exit her house that morning. He is now sitting in the cafeteria with Alex.

“ _How was your night at Winston’s_?”

“ _I didn’t end up sleeping there after all._ ”

_Shit._ Zach spoke before thinking this trough.

“ _Really? Where did you go?_ ”

“ _Jessica’s._ ”

There’s no point in lying about this part of the story.

“ _Really?_ ” Alex is surprised. Both of them haven’t really been friends for a while.

“ _Yeah… she offered me a ride home, but I was too drunk so I stayed_ _at_ _her place for the night._ ”

“ _Have you seen her today?_ ”Alex asks.

“ _No, why_?”

“ _I haven’t seen her since the party and even then, we only talked in the beginning of the night. We finally apologized to each other and I thought we were back on good terms but I tried to call her yesterday and she didn’t answer._ ”

“ _I’m sure she was just busy. I wouldn’t worry if I was you._ ”

Alex sees how awkward Zach is and wonders why he is acting like this.

“ _Did she tell you something about me?_ ”

“ _No, not at all. We didn’t talk much._ ”

“ _That’s not surprising. You were pretty drunk. She wasn’t, was she?_ ”

“ _No. Why would you think that?_ ”

“ _It’s_ _dumb_ _. I know she’s smarter than you, but since Luke’s party I prefer to make sure._ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _She got pretty drunk that night and Charlie had to_ _take_ _her home. Since both time you were involved, I think it’s worth asking._ ”

“ _She wasn’t drunk._ ” Zach gets defensive.

“ _Okay, I believe you. And she didn’t tell you why she would miss school today?_ ”

“ _No. Why would I know? She probably has her reasons._ ”

“ _Who?_ ”

Justin just sat with them and Zach looks at Alex, clearly indicating him not to answer the question.

“ _Jessica._ ” Alex says anyway which causes Zach to shake his head. 

Justin looks at both of them, not understanding what is happening.

“ _What?_ _I’m not lying to protect his feelings._ ” Alex bluntly says.

“ _What about Jess?_ ” Justin tries to understand.

“ _Did you see her today?_ ” Alex asks.

“ _I didn’t. Why?_ ”

“ _I just wanted to talk to her, but I guess she decided to skip school._ ” Alex explains

“ _Well, Diego wasn’t at practice this morning. They are probably together._ ” Justin reluctantly says.

“ _I didn’t think it was possible, but Diego might be a worse influence on her than you were._ ” Alex ads sarcastically.

“ _Well, at least she’s having some fun this time around._ ” Justin coldly answers.

Zach wants to let the truth out. He wants to explain to his two best friends why Jessica isn’t here, why Diego isn’t here, why they both should shut the fuck up, but he can’t. _Damn it_. Why isn’t Diego at school? Did he went to see Jessica? What did he told his friends about Saturday? He can’t help but ask Justin.

“ _Did his friends said anything about where he was?_ ”

“ _Can we just eat and not talk about fucking Diego?_ ” Justin asks in an angry tone.

“ _For once, I agree with you._ ” Alex says as he chews on his sandwich.

* * *

Jessica spends the day watching TV. She mostly stares blankly at the screens and gets up every 30 minutes or so to make sure all the doors to her house are locked. She thought being alone would be easier but she knows Diego is out there somewhere and can’t help but think about the possibility he might come to her house. Her phone rings and she grabs it. It’s Zach. She sighs and drops it to the couch next to her. She doesn’t want to talk to him. She knows he’s worried but so is she and she doesn’t have the strength to act like she’s not. She jumps when she hears the doorbell. She gets up and slowly walks to the door. She can see through the window it’s Zach so she opens it, she can’t ignore him completely after what he did for her.

“ _You need to learn how to answer your phone._ ” He jokes.

She takes a step back to let him enter and goes back to sit on the couch.

“ _Alex is worried about you. You should text him._ ”

“ _I will. What are you doing here?_ ”

“ _I just came to check on you and give you this._ ”

He hands her a bag that she opens to reveal a box with some warm soup.

She chuckles.

“ _You know I’m not sick right?_ ”

“ _I know, but I figured you could use some. It always makes me feel better when my mom cooks it for me._ ”

“ _Oh my god Zach._ _D_ _id you cook this for me?_ ”

“ _No, it’s store-bought, but it’ still pretty good._ ”

“ _Thanks._ ”

“ _So, what did you do today?_ ”

“ _Not much. How was school?_ ”

“ _Boring… Can I ask you something?_ ”

He sits down next to her and she nods.

“ _I remembered you got drunk at Luke’s, but you already knew back then so.. why did you?_ ”

“ _I was having a really bad day and I guess I just wanted to escape reality for a while._ ”

“ _I can understand that. I mean, I really do.”_

“ _Why do you? Get drunk all the time, at any chance you get?_ ”

“ _I guess it’s easier to forget what I’ve done when I’m not sober enough to think about it._ ”

“ _I hear you. Sadly we can’t change the past. We just have to learn to deal with the present._ ”

They fall silent for a few seconds.

“ _Do you think I’ll ever be normal again, feel normal again?_ ” Zach asks.

“ _I’m sure you will._ ” Jessica answers him with a warm smile.

“ _How can you be so sure?_ ”

“ _Because if you don’t have a chance, where does it leave me?_ ”

Zach nods. He didn’t came here to upset her so he tries to joke to lighten the mood.

“ _Pretty fucked up I guess._ ”

“ _Already there, trust me._ ”

They laugh and for a few seconds they both feel relaxed.

“ _About Alex… You should really text him.”_

“ _What happened? Do you think his dad told him something?_ ”

“ _No, I’m sure he didn’t and won’t, but Alex asked where you were today and he didn’t just asked me._ ”

“ _So? I decided to skip school. It isn’t a big deal._ ”

“ _The thing is Diego wasn’t at school today either and Alex figured you were together._ ”

He won’t tell her about Justin. She is going through enough already.

“ _Good._ ”

Zach looks at her with a confused look on his face so she continues.

“ _I don’t want anyone to find out. If people think we just skipped school to hang out it’s actually great._ ”

Zach understands this, but it kills him to have to know the truth when all he hears around him is far from it.

“ _Okay. I just thought you should know._ ”

“ _Thank you. I know you’re only trying to help._ ”

“ _About that, when do I pick you up tomorrow?_ ”

“ _Are you sure about this? You’ll have to miss all morning._ ”

“ _You know you’re only convincing me with that right?_ ”

She shakes her head and again, both of them spend an hour or so watching TV in silence before Zach leaves for the night. 


	66. The New Great Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Moth & The Flame – The New Great Depression

Jessica sits in Zach’s car and they drive off.

“ _What did you say to your mom?_ ” she asks him.

“ _About?_ ”

“ _Where you were going this early in the morning._ ”

“ _I told her I wanted to do some PT before school and she was really happy with_ _it_ _so she didn’t ask anything else._ ”

“ _That’s good._ ”

Jessica answers in a sigh and Zach notices how worried she looks.

“ _It’s gonna be fine you know._ ”

“ _Is it?_ ”

Zach nods but doesn’t add anything else, he doesn’t want to lie to her and there’s no way of knowing how everything will turn out.

“ _You’re sober right?_ ”

Jessica hates to question him but it’s something he did in the recent past.

“ _I am. I haven’t drink since the party._ ”

“ _Good._ ”

Jessica falls silent and looks out the window.

Zach looks at her, she seems so tired and broken.

* * *

“ _So, where the fuck did you disappear to yesterday?_ ” Luke asks Diego in the locker room.

Diego chuckles but doesn’t answer the question. His parents were pretty mad to have to get him out of a police station on Sunday and they spend the whole day yesterday trying to understated what had happened. They talked for hours and he didn’t say much. He is still pissed at Jessica for lying to him but he knows he went way too far. He has a bad temper and the drinking didn’t help manage his anger at her.

“ _I heard you and Jessica had some fun at the party Saturday and she wasn’t there either yesterday..._ ” Beecher implies with a naughty smile.

A smile forms on Diego’s lips. If Jessica hasn’t come back it means he has the possibility to say whatever the hell he wants.

“ _Come on Diego, you finally fucked Jessica Davis and you don’t say a word to your bros?_ ” Luke tells him as he pats him on the shoulder.

On the other side of the locker-room, Justin bites his lip to refrain himself to say or do anything. Charlie offers him a sympathetic smile, seeing how upset he is.

“ _Okay, let’s just say we did something way more entertaining than school._ ” Diego finally answers his friends.

“ _Well played man._ ” “ _Nice._ ” Two of the jocks congratulate him.

“ _Did she did this to you?_ ” Beecher asks, pointing at the bruise left on Diego’s face by Zach.

Diego shrugs, somehow it’s less humiliating for him for his friends to think that than to know Zach did it.

“ _Man, I knew she liked it rough._ ” Luke jokes.

“ _Better be careful man, she might ask for it but before you know it she calls it rape or some shit._ ” One jock ads and they all start laughing, except Charlie and Justin who punches his locker to stop their conversation.

“ _What is it Foley? Jealous I fucked her?_ ”

Justin walks up to Diego when Kerba enters.

“ _Guys, what is taking you so long? We’re waiting for you outside._ ”

The members of the team stare at Diego and Justin standing in the middle of the locker-room.

“ _Now!_ ” Kerba shouts at them and they leave the locker-room.

* * *

Jessica and Zach are sitting in the waiting-room. Jessica keeps pulling on her sleeves, if she could hide she would because people are staring at them. They are both too young to be parents right? Zach places his hand on her leg and gives her a little smile as a way to let her know it’s going to be fine.

“ _Miss Davis?_ ” The doctor calls and she stands up with one last look at Zach who offers her again a reassuring smile before she follows her in the room.

* * *

“ _Fucking Zach._ ” Alex says as he sits next to Charlie in the library.

“ _What did he do now?_ ”

“ _He wasn’t there in History, which means it was an even more boring class than usual._ ”

“ _Do you think he skipped school too?_ ”

“ _Too?_ ” Alex is confused.

“ _Tyler asked me if I have seen Jessica earlier. Apparently she missed an HO meeting._ ”

“ _I guess she decided to skip it to spend time with Diego again._ ”

“ _That’s not possible. Diego was there at practice this morning._ ”

“ _Really? Then I wonder what the hell she’s doing. I have an idea what Zach is doing._ ”

“ _Fucking Zach._ ” Charlie nods. 


	67. Elegy To The Void

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Beach House – Elegy To The Void

Jessica anxiously taps her foot against the floor. The doctor asks her many question that she answers quickly until she asks she question she dreaded.

“ _How about the father? Why didn’t he come inside with you?_ ”

“ _He’s not the father._ ”

“ _Okay._ ”

She waits for Jessica to go on.

“ _He doesn’t know about this._ ”

“ _I understand it might be frightening to have this discussion at your age, but it’s best to let the father know._ ”

Jessica doesn’t understand what age has to do with this. The situation is complicated and age is just a factor in all this mess, not a problem in itself.

“ _I know… I’ll tell him._ ”

“ _Did the two of you have a discussion about this subject before?_ ”

“ _We didn’t_.”

“ _Have you thought about your options?_ ”

“ _I did, but I don’t know much about the medical aspect of it. Is it even possible at this point?_ ”

“ _I’m not going to lie to you Jessica, if you consider an abortion you only have a few days to do it based on the conception date we determined together._ ”

Jessica nods. She’ll have to talk to Justin sooner than she expected.

“ _Is this what you want?_ ”

_No_ , she wants to answer but she can’t do this alone, whatever she chooses.

“ _Maybe_.”

“ _Okay. I’m going to examine you and after that we can set up an appointment since the window is pretty short. It’ll give you a few days to talk to the father and make a decision and the appointment will already be made in case this is what you both want._ ”

Jessica nods and the doctor stands up.

“ _Follow me please._ ”

They get to the adjoining room and the doctor invites Jessica to lie down on the chair.

“ _Since you haven’t made your mind yet, I’m not going to show you the screen unless you ask for it okay?_ ”

Jessica nods, it’s like she has lost the ability to speak once she entered the room.

The doctor raise Jessica’s shirt and places some kind of gel on her stomach.

“ _I’m just checking to see if everything is alright._ ” The doctor explains as she begins the ultrasound.

Jessica can’t help but look at the back of the screen, when she doesn’t see what’s on it, she turns her head to look at the other side of the room, realizing this is just going to make everything even harder. The doctor notices that and reassures her. 

“ _I’m going to print a_ _sonogram. I’ll place_ _it_ _in an envelop and you’ll have the option to look at_ _it_ _later if you want to._ ”

“ _Thank you._ ” Jessica answers in a whisper, trying her best not to shed a tear.

“ _Everything looks pretty good. I think the estimated date of conception is right._ ”

Jessica is thankful of everything her doctor is saying and doing, telling her , but without saying too much. 

“ _Hey Clay._ ”

Tony joins the boy at his locker.

“ _Hey Tony. How was your first fight?_ ”

“ _You know you could have come right?_ ”

“ _I know, but I was grounded._ ”

“ _Really?_ ”

“ _Yeah, don’t even ask._ ”

Tony chuckles.

“ _Okay. What do you think about Diego?”_

“ _Like, as a person or like, as a football-player?_ ”

Tony rolls his eyes.

“ _Do you think he might really know something?_ ”

“ _I have no idea at this point. Why?_ ”

“ _I went to the police station on Sunday to talk to Ted and I saw Diego leave...”_

“ _Leave the police station_ _?_ _”_ Clay asks in a worried tone.

“ _Yeah. I have no fucking idea why he was there but something tells me that can’t be good right?_ ”

“ _Yeah, definitely not good._ ”

“ _Maybe we should talk to Jessica about this?_ ”

“ _Why? As long as she’s with him we shouldn’t trust her to be reasonable about this._ ”

“ _So what?_ ”

“ _We keep trying to stay calm and control ourselves._ ”

Clay says, more to himself than anything else at this moment.

* * *

Zach is still sitting in the waiting-room and now that Jessica’s gone he doesn’t have to hide his worry. People are now staring at him so he looks at his phone, avoiding their stares when Jessica comes out of the room.

He gets up and walks towards her. She gives him a small head sign, indicating everything is okay and they walk to the car in silence.

* * *

After one hour drive in silence, Zach breaks it.

“ _So, everything is alright?_ ”

“ _Pretty much, yeah._ ”

Zach shoots her a worried look so she continues.

“ _I just have to make a decision and… pretty soon._ ”

“ _You and Justin._ ” Zach corrects her.

“ _Yeah, I’m aware.”_ She gets defensive.

They don’t talk for the rest of the ride until they enter Evergreen.

“ _Can you drop me at my place?_ ” Jessica asks him.

“ _No, we’re both going to school this afternoon._ ”

Jessica shakes her head so Zach tries to convince her.

“ _You can’t stay hidden forever. Aren’t you worried they’ll call your parents at some point?_ ”

“ _I’ve missed one day so far. I doubt they’ll call them for this._ ”

“ _The longer you wait to come back, the harder it will be. Last time you were gone for almost 3 months and I doubt I did any good._ ”

“ _You’re right. It was the opposite actually._ ”

“ _Exactly. So let’s ride to Liberty fucking high._ ”

* * *

Tony joins Alex and Charlie in the library. Clay is still in the hallway, on his way to the robotics lab. Tyler is working with Winston on the yearbook in the darkroom. Justin and Diego are running on the field during PE and Justin has to stop to regain his breath.

* * *

Zach parks his car and him and Jessica walk towards the building. He can see how uncomfortable she is and he places his hand on her back to help her keep moving forward.

“ _What class do you have now? I can come with you._ ” He offers as they stop at her locker.

“ _I was planning on talking to Tyler. I’ve missed a meeting this morning and I wonder how it went._ ”

“ _So I guess we’re going to the dark room?_ ”

“ _You don’t have to come with me._ _It would actually be kind of weird if you did._ ”

“ _I’ll wait for you outside the darkroom and I can walk you to your class after that._ ”

“ _Wow, you really missed a lot of school days lately. You know we actually have the same class right?_ ”

“ _Perfect, then it doesn’t have to be weird. We’ll just be two friends walking to class together._ ”

Jessica nods with a smile.

“ _Okay, but I really really really have to pee right now so how about I join you in the photo lab?_ ”

“ _I’ll be waiting for you there._ ”

He winks at her as he starts to walk away from her.

Jessica shakes her head. Zach has been incredibly helpful so far and it’s great they are finally friendly again with each other.

* * *

Jessica is washing her hands when the alarm goes on and Bolan announces they are now in a lock-down situation because of an active shooter.

She runs to the door to close it when someone opens it at the same time : Tyler.

He enters the room and they both work on moving a few pieces of furniture to block the door without a word. 


	68. You are a memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Message to Bears-You are a memory

Justin is sitting on the floor of the showers in the locker-room next to Diego.

“ _We didn’t have a chance to finish our conversation earlier._ ” Diego whispers to him.

Justin ignores him but feels his blood starting to boil.

“ _I know you actually have nothing to be jealous about since you’ve been fucking her this whole time as well._ ”

Justin shoots him a sharp look.

“ _What the fuck do you mean?_ ”

“ _I saw you leave together at the party._ ”

“ _Yeah, she drove me home but she came back to you didn’t she?_ ” Justin can’t help but feel jealous.

“ _That she did._ ” Diego answers with a big smile to taunt him but Justin knows it so he doesn’t react.

“ _By the way, Beecher told me how drunk you were on Saturday. Nice job on being sober. No wonder Jessica choose me over you._ ”

This is too much for him so Justin gets up.

“ _Stay down!_ ” Kerba orders him but he quickly catches how angry Justin looks so he stands up as well and takes him by the arm.

“ _Let’s_ _check the doors_ _okay?_ ”

* * *

Jessica turns around and notices how traumatized Tyler looks. She approaches him slowly and asks in a low voice “ _Are you okay? Did you see something?_ ”

“ _No, it’s just… it’s the last place in the world I want to be in._ ” He answers in a chocked sob.

“ _I understand._ ”

She looks around but there’s no way they can leave so she continues.

“ _I’m here with you. We’re going to be fine. Right now we need to follow protocol ; sit on the toilets with our legs off the floor and close the doors okay?_ ”

She hopes listing the rules will take his mind of his trauma, even for a few seconds.

“ _Here._ ” She guides him inside one of the stool.

“ _Now sit down and bring your legs up._ ”

Tyler is shaking but follows her directions. She squats in front of him and whispers.

“ _I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be in the stool just next to you. Once I close the door you lock it behind me and you get back into this position okay?_ ”

He nods so she leaves and joins the stool next to him. She sits on the toilets and pulls on the sleeves of her jacket, trying to control her own shaking.

“ _It’s just a drill. Everything is going to be fine._ ” She whispers to Tyler against the wall, as a way to reassure him and convince herself.

* * *

Justin and Kerba are in his office.

“ _Why the hell didn’t you respect protocol?_ ”

“ _I’m sorry, but if I_ _couldn’t stay_ _any second longer next to him coach._ ”

“ _Did you do that? The bruise on his face?_ ”

“ _No. I never touched him._ ”

“ _Good. Let’s keep it that way okay?_ ”

Justin nods.

“ _What happened between the two of you? I’ve noticed it this morning too._ ”

“ _It’s nothing. I shouldn’t let him get to me._ ”

“ _You shouldn’t._ ”

“ _I won’t. Sorry.”_

Justin is about to leave the office when Kerba stops him.

“ _I know it’s not a good moment to talk about this, but you weren’t at the meeting yesterday. Why?”_

“ _I was just needed at home. I’ll be here next time.”_

Justin lies.He reached the point where he feels like all of this is just pointless. Everyone think he’s just a worthless junkie, including him. Except Jessica.

“ _Coach? Don’t they usually tell you if it’s a drill?”_

Kerba nods and they leave the office when they hear gunshots.

Justin and his coach run to sit down next to each other in the showers.

All of the boys jump at every new gunshot.

Justin’s heart starts beating faster and faster. After all he went trough, this is the day he might die. _Jessica_. This is the day Jessica might die. He takes out his phone and sends her a text.

* * *

Another gunshot. Jessica puts her hand in front of her mouth. She sees the screen on her phone light up when she receives a new text from Justin.

Justin : _Please tell me u decided to skip school today as well._

The irony of this almost makes her chuckle. She didn’t want to come back to school today but Zach forced her hand and here she was. She knows Zach is okay in the photo lab, he texted her as soon as the lock-down begun.

Jessica : _I’m at school but okay. U?_

Justin : _In the locker-room, okay. Where are u? Who with?_

Jessica : _Bathroom with Tyler._

This time Justin takes a little longer to reply and when he does it’s pretty short, but what else is there to say?

Justin : _Be safe._

_Jessica : You too._

Jessica looks up from her phone and realizes the gunshots have stopped.She waits a few more minutes before she speaks to Tyler.

“ _I think he’s gone._ ”

“ _Do you think he can find us in here?_ ”

“ _I don’t know._ ” She answers in a trembling voice before she decides to be more reassuring for her friend.

“ _It sounds like he’s moving away. If he comes back the doors can shield us. They’re two layers of a really heavy metal.”_

“ _We’re going to be fine?”_

“ _We_ _are_ _.”_ Jessicasmiles while answering, hoping Tyler will sense it.

They stay quiet for a minute or two before Tyler talks.

“ _I’m so sorry._ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _For putting you through this. At Spring Fling._ ”

Jessica nods, remembering the night in question.

“ _You never told me how it was for you._ ” Tyler continues.

“ _I was in a bathroom that night too._ ” The irony makes Jessica chuckles nervously.

When Tyler doesn’t respond, she decides to continue the story, trying to take their mind of the situation they are facing now. 


	69. God Bless The Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : God Bless The Child · Michelle Featherstone

Chloe left the bathroom after revealing to Jessica she was pregnant. Jessica didn’t say anything because she had no idea what she should say. She opens the door to the bathroom and Justin runs up to her.

“ _Thank god._ ” He says as he brings her into his arms.

“ _What the fuck is going on?_ ” She asks him, worried by the fear in his eyes.

“ _Come with me, we have to lock the doors._ ”

He takes her hand and they start to walk before she has a chance to understand.

“ _Tyler is outside. It sounds like he wants something bad to happen._ ”

They make their way to the first door and Justin locks it. Jessica understands what he means by the context of it but she still has to ask.

“ _Is he armed?_ ”

Justin looks at her and he doesn’t have to answer for her to know it.

She takes his hand and they make it to another door.

“ _Did anyone called the cops?_ ”

Justin locks it and starts to walk to the main entrance, the one he locked first, before searching for Jess.

“ _No. Clay is out there right now. He_ _thinks_ _he_ _can stop him._ ”

“ _Oh my god._ ” Things are happening so quickly and Jessica has a hard time understanding the details.

Justin hands her the keys and she notices how shaky his hands are.

“ _Once I’m out there, lock the door behind me._ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _I can’t leave Clay alone._ ”

“ _Justin, there’s no way I’m letting you go out there.”_

“ _It’s Clay._ ” He tries to convince her.

“ _Then I’m coming with you._ ”

“ _Jess…”_ He tries to change her mind.

“ _I am not letting you leave me._ ” Jessica says with such fear and pain than Justin nods.

They unlock the door and run outside.

“ _Clay!_ ” Justin can’t help but scream his brother’s name when he sees him standing in front of a gun.

“ _Jesus Clay!_ ”

Tyler points his gun at him and Jessica.

“ _Go inside!_ ” Clay shouts at them.

Justin pushes Jessica to the door and they go back inside and lock it.

“ _What do we do now?_ ” Jessica asks Justin.

“ _I don’t know._ ”

“ _I’m glad that you didn’t do anything._ ” Jessica tells Tyler.

“ _Me too._ ” He replies in a sob.

“ _You’re not the guy who pointed a gun at us that night anymore. You know that right?”_

“ _I’m sorry I did.”_

“ _I know you are… I forgive you.”_

Tyler breaks down.He didn’t know he needed it but after experiencing the fear his friends felt because of him, it means everything to hear those words.

They hear gunshots in the background, further away from were they were earlier, but still going.

“ _If we die today, I need you to know you’ve been a great friend._ ”

Jessica shakes her head, she refuses to believe in this possibility.

“ _You’ve been t_ _o_ _o Tyler._ ” She says anyway in a soft voice. 

They both fall silent when they hear a door slam in the hallway just outside the bathroom.

_This is it. I might actually die today._ Jessica thinks as she slowly opens her bag and takes out the envelop the doctor gave her this morning. _If I die, I want to see it._ She opens the envelop and takes out the picture inside it. She looks at the sonogram and a tear falls to her cheek when she sees their child for the first time.

The PA beeps and they can hear Bolan’s voice. “ _This lock-down is all clear. I repeat, this lock-down is all clear. An announcement will be made shortly to provide staff and students…_ ”

Jessica takes a deep breath and puts the sonogram back into the envelop and then into her bag. She wipes her tear and gets up before she opens the door to the stool she was in.

“ _Tyler, we’re okay. You can come out now._ ”

She gently knocks on the door of the stool he’s in.

“ _Open the door, please._ ” She asks in a soft tone.

She hears him move and the door opens. Tyler is still shaking and it looks like he cried a lot.

Jessica takes a step forward and wraps her arms around him.

“ _Everything is going to be okay.”_ She pats him on the back.

Justin doesn’t change from his gym clothes and runs towards the main building where he knows Jessica is. He has to make sure she’s okay but when he arrives in the hallway he sees Clay arguing with Bolan. He’s relieved to know it was just a drill but Clay doesn’t seem okay with this. He tries to approach him but is stopped by an officer.

When Jessica and Tyler leave the bathroom, they see that a little crowd has formed on both sides of the administration office and they hear Clay yelling about the drill they just experienced. They make their way trough it and stop when the officers standing in front of them block their path. Zach arrives by Jessica’s side.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” he asks her in a whisper but she doesn’t respond, terrified by what is going with Clay.

Every student there is just looking without a word at Clay who is completely loosing it.

Once Clay is escorted out on a stretcher, Jessica catches Diego looking at her.

“ _Can you please drive me home?_ ” Zach nods and they quickly leave. Alex notices them leaving together. 


	70. The Great Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College Interviews are today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Lost Under Heaven – The Great Longing

College Interviews are today.

Clay looks at the ceiling from his hospital bed. He was brought here yesterday after his breakdown. They gave him a pretty strong dose of sedative and he woke up in the hospital this morning. Is he going to make it to his interview?

Tyler is having breakfast with his parents. They ask him many questions about the drill and his mind goes back to night he might have lost everything. It was almost a year ago and if it wasn’t for Clay and his friends, he wouldn’t be able to go to his college interview today.

Alex just woke up. As soon as he opens his eyes, he thinks about Charlie. They kissed yesterday, but unlike his kiss with Zach, he doesn’t regret this one. He smiles when he realize he actually was able to sleep longer than usual. He is worried about Clay and still feels incredibly guilty about Bryce but the drill somehow made him feel better. Charlie made him feel better. He feels alive. Many months ago he made the choice to end his life and today he is grateful to have it. Today he is grateful he’ll be able to do a college interview.

Justin didn’t sleep well. He’s used to have Clay sleeping in the bed next to his. Matt and Lainie told him they were going to see Clay this morning and as soon as the first ray of sunshine peaked through the window, he got up, eager to know how his brother was doing. He unlocks his phone and sees the many messages his friends have sent to the group chat, asking him about Clay.  
Justin : _They kept him overnight. He was out of it when we left last night. I’ll let you know once we see him.  
_ He looks up from his phone and his eyes wonders around the empty room, around everything he now has and his mind wonders to everything he lacked growing-up, everything he wished he could have. A sad smile forms on his lips. Somehow now that he has everything he wanted, he knows he’s going to loose it all sooner or later. _How long?_ is the only question on his mind. He has a college interview today and he still hasn’t made his mind. Is it worth the trouble to attend this college interview?

* * *

Jessica spend the night on her couch. She tried to sleep in her bedroom but what Diego did to her, or rather tried to do, brought her right back where she started, the memories of Diego and Bryce mixed together and her bed has become triggering again. Being on the couch helped her a little but she didn’t slept much. At every little sound she heard, she got up and made sure all the doors were locked. It’s something she does now. Sleeping is still not. She thinks about all the things she has to do today, including attending her college interview. Somehow, the college interview is the least of her worries today. How did they get here? How did she get here? When did their lives became much more complicated than senior students lives should be?

* * *

Zach is working out in the gym at school. He didn’t sleep well. Last night, all he could think about was the college interview he wouldn’t have today. He still hasn’t applied anywhere. He always thought he was going to choose his college based on sports’ teams but that’s not a possibility anymore. Well, it could have been, if he didn’t skipped PT for months. When he opened his eyes this morning he decided to fix his mistakes, starting by working out. He wants to get better, to be better. He still has a long road ahead before his body is back to where it was before Homecoming, but today he decided to take the first step.

* * *

Clay hears the voice of Dr. Ellman in the hallway. He turns his head to look at him and sees his parents and Justin talking to him. He feels ashamed. He tried his best to hide how bad he was feeling and he ended up in a psych ward, tied to a bed. Justin enters the room and he avoids his stare by looking at the window.  
Justin doesn’t know what to say. He feels guilty. He knew Clay wasn’t doing well and instead of helping, he focused on his own problems. 

“ _Hey._ ”

Clay doesn’t respond.

“ _How do you feel?_ ”

“ _They’re gonna keep me here aren’t they?_ ”

“ _I don’t know. They are still discussing what’s best for you._ ”

“ _How about they ask me?_ ”

“ _Maybe it’s best if Dr. Ellman and your parents make the decision together._ ”

“ _I’m not crazy.”_

“ _I know you aren’t… I’m sorry… I’m sorry I haven’t been there to help you._ ”

“ _I’m just… scared.”_

“ _I know. I am too.”_

Matt and Lainie enter the room.

“ _Good morning sunshine.”_

Clay sighs.

“ _Dad. We talked about nicknames.”_

Justin chuckles.

“ _See. Classic Clay. He’s fine enough to come home.”_

“ _We talked to the doctors. We want Dr. Ellman to have a discussion with you before they allow you to come home.”_ Lainie explains _._

“ _How about my college interview?”_

“ _Don’t worry about this kiddo. We’ll reschedule.”_ Matt tries to reassure him.

“ _Your dad is going to stay with you this morning and I’m going to drop Justin off to school on my way to work okay?”_

Clay nods. He still has no idea. Is he going to make it to the interview?

* * *

Jessica’s phones rings as she’s about to leave for school.

“ _Hi mom._ ”

“...”

“ _Don’t worry, it was just a drill. That’s why I didn’t call you._ ”

“...”

“ _Yeah. Clay._ ”

“...”

“ _He’s in the hospital but that’s all I know._ ”

“...”

“ _You don’t have to come back for the week-end. I’m fine._ ”

“...”

“ _How did you know about the drill anywa_ y?”

“...”

“ _Listen mom, I’ve got to go to school. I have to talk to Bolan about this anyway._ ”

“...”

“ _I know, don’t worry.”_

“ _...”_

“ _You too. Bye.”_

Jessica hangs up. She didn’t call her mother after the drill because she knew she would worry but she would be even more worried if she came home and saw how bad she looks. The cut on her lip is still pretty raw, but when she looked at herself in the mirror this morning she noticed a new bruise on her cheek. That’s one more bruise on her body. She already saw some yesterday on her back and her arms. She realized maybe that’s why she keeps tugging on her sleeves unconsciously. Her body knew where her scars were before she even saw them. Zach offered to drive her this morning but she can’t keep relying on him everyday and needs to figure out how to do this alone. She opens her door and drives off to school.


	71. Watch Me Bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Tears For Fears – Watch Me Bleed

Alex’s mood changes as soon as he hears Sheriff Diaz talking to his dad about Bryce’s case. In one second, all his guilt comes crashing back and he wonders if he’s even going to be able to attend college or if he’s going to end up in prison.

Jessica argued with Bolan for a while, trying to make him understand how wrong the drill was but they don’t come to an agreement. He gestures for her to sit down which she does.

“ _I think there’s more going on there than just the lock-down._ ” The principal tells her when he sees how angry she is.

Jessica sighs before she responds.

“ _There is a petition going around saying I should resign, that I knew about the drill, but was okay with it._ ”

“ _You and I both know that’s not true. Do you want me to talk to everyone to let them know you didn’t have anything to do with the drill?_ ”

“ _No. I…”_

“ _What do you want?”_

“ _I want to resign._ ”

“ _Come on Jessica, you’re the first student council president that really tries to make a change. Why would you do that?_ ”

Jessica doesn’t respond. There’s a ton of reasons for her to do that.

“ _Listen, just think about it for a few days. Everyone will have calmed down and I’m sure by then you’ll be happy not to have resigned.”_

“ _I..._ ”

“ _We’ll talk about it in a few days._ ” Bolan cuts her off.

Jessica shakes her head and leaves his office. She didn’t plan on resigning today but when he asked her what she wanted, it just came to her.

Zach is about to leave the gym when Diego calls him.

“ _Hey._ ”

He keeps walking.

“ _Winston said you guys bonded during the lock-down yesterday._ ” Diego continues as he walks up to Zach who stops without a word.

“ _He said you got some shit off your chest… Some very interesting shit.”_

“ _What the fuck do you want?”_

“ _Tell me the story.”_

“ _I think you already heard it.”_

“ _Yeah and I think I’m starting to understand it now. You’re protecting her.”_

“ _Who?”_

“ _Don’t play dumb. Jessica.”_

“ _Should I protect her from you? Because I’m ready to give your bruise a friend.”_

“ _From the story I’ve heard you’re not clean either. You pretend to be this stand-up guy but you’re keeping a big secret.”_

“ _If Winston told you I guess it’s no longer a secret.”_

“ _We’ll get the truth. All of it. It’s just a matter of time now and once we do you’ll pay for this.”_

“ _Are you threatening me?”_

“ _I am. Both of you.”_

“ _You’re wasting your time Diego. Jessica is innocent, and so am I.”_

“ _We’ll see about that.”_

Diego leaves his side and Zach can’t help but think that some things Diego said were true. He’s not a nice and stand-up guy, even if he always tried to be.

* * *

Jessica decided to go to school but she’s regretting that decision when she sees Justin at the end of the hallway. She quickly takes a few steps back and goes down to the cave where they have their HO meetings. She’s greeted by Winston.

“ _Good-morning Jessica._ ”

She places a smile on her face and replies him with the same fake honesty.

“ _Good-morning._ ”

“ _Crazy day yesterday uh?_ ”

“ _It really was._ ”

“ _At least it gave me the opportunity to get to know Zach._ ”

“ _Yes, he told me you two_ _were hidden together._ ”

“ _Did he tell you he confessed?_ ”

“ _What are you talking about?_ ”

“ _He beat up Bryce the night he died._ ”

Zach hasn’t told Jessica about this and she has no idea if she should say something.

“ _What?_ ”

“ _Don’t act like you don’t know. I know you do and I’m pretty sure the reason you do is because you were there that night too._ ”

“ _Listen Winston, I’m gonna say it and if you don’t believe me there’s nothing I can do. I didn’t kill Bryce._ ”

“ _You’re right._ ”

Jessica looks at him, hoping maybe he believes her.

“ _There’s nothing you can do._ ”

He leaves the cave and Jessica waits a few seconds before leaving as well.

When she arrives in the hallway, she’s surprised to see Justin waiting by the door.

“ _Hey._ ”

“ _Hey. How’s Clay?_ ”

They start to walk as they talk.

“ _I think he’ll be fine._ _They agreed to let him out, but he’s gonna have to stay at home for a few days._ ”

“ _Oh. That’s good. How are you?_ ”

“ _I’m fine. Just a little worried about Clay.”_ he lies. “ _You_? _”_

The bell rings and Jessica is relieved she doesn’t have to answer this.

“ _I have to go. I’ve got my college interview. I’ll talk to you later._ ” She knows she has to. _Tonight_. 


	72. How Far Does the Dark Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Anya Marina – How Far Does the Dark Go?

Justin is still trying to decide if he's gonna go to the interview when he's called out of class by deputy Standall. He's immediately worried something happened with Clay.

" _I'm sorry to pull you out of class like this, but it's important._ "

" _Is it about Clay?_ "

" _No. It's not about Clay._ "

Justin tries to think of everything it could be but he doesn't expect Bill's next words.

' _It's about your mom."_

Justin waits for what comes next but he already knows where this is going.

" _It appeared she passed away yesterday. We got the call this morning._ "

"S _he OD'ed?_ "

Justin words are cold, but he expected this. He knew this was going to be how her story ends.

" _There's some evidence for that, but we're waiting on a toxicology report._ "

Justin looks at the ground. He knew this was going to end this way but he didn't think the end would arrive so soon.

" _I know you two haven't been in touch for quite some time._ "

It's not exactly true. She tried to contact him but he rejected her. He lost the last chance he had to spoke to his mom. He will never have this option ever again.

" _Yeah, um... we hadn't._ "

The deputy places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

" _I'm very sorry Justin._ "

" _Thank you. For telling me._ "

" _Do you want me to give you a ride home? I can explain this to Principal Bolan..."_

Justin thinks about his college interview. His mom would never know he has one, but if she was alive she wouldn't have known either. Even if he was still living with her, she wouldn't have cared enough to ask. Lainie will ask. She will care.

" _If it's alright, sir, I'd like to stay at school. I've... I've got a college interview today._ "

" _Okay. I'm here if you need okay?_ " Bill tells him as he pats his shoulder.

" _Thank you._ "

Justin gives him a small smile before he returns to his class.

* * *

After her college interview Jessica returns to the cave. She shouldn't have gone to school, but she doesn't want to go home. She sits at the table, her head in her hands. She has to keep her shit together. The door to the cave slams and she hopes it's not Winston. When she sees Diego she wishes it was Winston instead.

" _What do you want?_ " She asks as she stands up and takes a few steps back.

" _I realized we didn't get a chance to talk after the party._ "

" _We didn't._ " She answers coldly.

" _Don't you think you owe me an explanation?_ "

He keeps walking towards her.

" _I don't no._ "

Diego chuckles.

" _Are you afraid of me?"_

" _Please Diego. Just leave me alone."_

" _I won't. I'm sorry for what happened at the party okay?"_

Jessica scoffs and Diego keeps walking forward.

" _I'm sure you_ _are_ _."_

" _I_ _am_ _, but don't you think you're the one to blame?"_

" _Excuse me?"_

" _I get I went too far, but don't you think you did too?"_

As Diego says those words, he's standing just inches from her. Jessica doesn't answer. Yes, she went too far as well. She can't back up anymore, she's against the wall.

" _I thought so. Why did you go out with me? Did you think you could convince me to stop looking for the truth? Did you think you could protect your secret?"_

Jessica knows she has to give him something or he'll never leave.

" _The only thing I wanted was for you to leave Clay alone."_

" _I would have believed you... if we didn't start messing with Clay after we started hanging out."_

" _I liked hanging out with you at first. You used to be kind."_

" _That changed when I figured out you were only using me. It changed the second I saw you leave the party with that pathetic fucking junkie."_

" _Fuck you."_

Diego hits the wall next to her face and she uses every strength she has not to flinch.

" _I really liked hanging out with you too Jessica, but I'm done being lied to. Just know you're not getting away with this."_

__

He threatens her before he leaves the room.

Jessica starts to breathe again once she hears the door slam on his way out and her legs can't support her anymore. She sits to the ground and breathe deeply. She has to keep her shit together.

* * *

After his class ends, Justin rushes to the bathroom. The next thing he has to do is attend his college interview. He looks at himself in the mirror. He feels sick but doesn't look like it. He takes a few deep breaths. He has to keep his shit together, at least until the interview.

_My mom died yesterday._ _Could I have done_ _something_ _to prevent it?_ _If I went to talk to her that night instead of watching form the sidewalk, would it have change anything?_

He takes some water and splashes it at his face, trying to stop his mind to go through all the what ifs there is. He looks back at the mirror.

He knows is end is coming too. Last time he saw her he thought about how their story is somehow similar. Maybe he doesn't deserve whatever time he has left. He looks down at the running water and splashes some on his face again, and again, and again as he begins to sob. Maybe it's time to give up all hope. Maybe it's time to stop pretending his story is going to end differently than hers. 


	73. Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin, Jessica and Zach tried their best, but failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Chelsea Wolfe – Survive

Justin just told Matt and Lainie about his mother.

“ _I don’t want Clay to know. He just got back from the hospital and he needs to get better. I don’t wanna be in the way of that._ ”

> _I don’t wanna be in the way of anyone anymore._

“ _You could never._ ” Matt tells him.

Justin leans back into his chair.

> _I could. I already have, way too much._

“ _What would you like to do for a service?”_ Lainie asks him.

Justin looks at her.

“ _A service?_ ”

“ _Yeah, a funeral. A memorial?_ ” She responds.

“ _I don’t… I don’t want a service._ ”

Justin sees both of them watching him, trying to understand, so he continues.

“ _She didn’t have any family or friends so...”_

“ _She had you._ ” Matt reassures him.

“ _She didn’t, really._ ”

> _I wasn’t there. I left her and I never came back. Once I did, I knew she wasn’t doing well, but I wasn’t there. I never came back to her. I let her die alone._

“ _Maybe we take a day as a family.”_ Lainie tries.

> _My new family? The one I left her for? She was my family._

“ _We could scatter her ashes.”_ She continues.

“ _I don’t fucking want anything! Okay?”_ Justin yells.

> _I already took too much from everyone._

He laughs sadly.

> _Are they going to sit at this table and plan my funeral like this? I’m not worth the trouble._

“ _I don’t need some bullshit service so that you can all feel better about some broke junkie being dead!”_ He yells as he gets up.

> _Please tell me you won’t do anything more for me once I’m gone._

“ _Jesus. Fuck!”_ He slaps the table.

Matt and Lainie stare at him, trying to understand what he’s going trough, searching for a way to take his pain away.

Justin feels guilty because he shouldn’t have yelled at them. He’s angry at himself and at the world for the way it works.

“ _Sorry_.” He apologizes in a low voice.

“ _Uh,… I just… I’ve been to enough funerals in my life._ ”

He begins to leave.

“ _Of course._ ” Matt tries to be understanding.

“ _Justin, love._ ” Lainie calls him.

He takes a step back and leans against the door-frame.

“ _What can we do?_ ” Lainie pleads.

Justin shakes his head.

> _There’s nothing to do. This is how death works. One second you’re there and the next you’re gone. You can’t cheat death, you can’t come back from it. You have to face it. I have to face death._

“ _I’m good. Really. Really. Thank you.”_

This is his cross to bear, not theirs. He leaves the kitchen and walks to the outhouse.

Jessica is looking at herself in the mirror of her bathroom. She put on a lot of make-up to make sure her bruises aren't’ visible anymore. She turns her face in many directions, making sure her scars are well hidden. Tonight she’s going to tell Justin everything. She has to, she can’t wait any longer, but she’s afraid.

* * *

Zach is sitting on the ground, bottle in hand. He started the day by wanting to do better but his past caught up with him. He had to hear everyone talk about their college interview, he had to listen to Diego talk about the night he beat up Bryce. 

> _He was right. I’m not a good guy_.

He takes a sip when his phone rings.

Jessica : _I’m on my way to the Jensens. I’m going to check in on Clay and … tell Justin._

Zach is happy he won’t have to lie to Justin any longer, even so they’re not particularly close lately.

Zach : _Good. I’m happy you’re finally doing this. I’m sure it’s going to be fine._

He takes another sip and decides to text Diego.

Zach : _If you wan the truth come meet me at the docks._

* * *

Jessica knocks at the front door. She wants to see Clay before she talks to Justin. Lainie opens the door and offers her a warm smile.

“ _Jessica. Come in._ ”

“ _I hope it’s okay. I just want to check on him. How is he?_ ” Jessica explains as she enters.

“ _That’s very kind of you._ _He’s not okay and we don’t really know how to help him._ ”

“ _I’m sorry. I should probably have been there more for him._ ” Jessica apologizes.

“ _I’m glad you’re here now. We didn’t know Amber and I know that you did so maybe you’ll know what to say._ ”

Jessica doesn’t understand. Why is Lainie talking about Amber?

“ _What about Amber?_ ” She asks, completely lost.

“ _You’re not here to see Justin?_ ” Lainie feels bad. Maybe Justin didn’t want Jessica to know.

“ _No. I mean… yes I want to talk to him, but I was talking about Clay._ ”

“ _Oh. I guess he didn’t tell you._ ”

“ _What is it? What happened?_ ” Jessica is getting really afraid.

“ _Amber passed away yesterday. Justin got the news today._ ”

Jessica’s jaw drops to the floor. She didn’t know about this and Lainie can see the shock on her face.

“ _I thought you knew. I’m sorry._ ”

Jessica doesn’t respond. She’s still processing the news.

“ _You should talk to him. He’s not taking it well._ ”

“ _Of course._ ” Jessica offers her a sympathetic smile.

“ _I will, but I should probably check on Clay first._ ”

> _I’m kind of shaken up and Justin doesn’t need to see me like this._

“ _They released him this morning right?”_

“ _They did. He’s in his old_ _bed_ _room. We figured it would be best to keep a closer eye on him at first._ ”

“ _That’s probably a good idea._ ”

“ _You can go talk to him, but don’t tell him about Amber. He doesn’t know and Justin doesn’t want him to._ ”

“ _Oh. Okay, sure._ ”

Jessica begins to walk towards the stairs, but stops and asks Lainie.

“ _Amber… How?_ ”

“ _Overdose._ ” Lainie answers in a low voice.

Jessica nods, taking the news in. Did she make a mistake when she gave her all that money? Does she have more blood on her hands? She walks up the stairs, takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

“ _Jesus. I’m fine._ ” A bothered Clay shouts from the room.

Jessica opens the door.

“ _Nice to see you to Clay._ ”

He turns around from his desk chair and apologizes.

“ _I’m sorry. I thought it was my mom checking in on me for like the 50_ _th_ _time._ ”

Jessica walks up to the couch and sits down.

“ _How are you?_ ”

“ _As fine as you can be after being released from a mental hospital._ ”

Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _You got us all scared._ ”

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Clay says in a sight, without any trace of sarcasm this time around.

“ _Don’t be. I agree with everything you said about the drill._ ”

“ _Probably should have found a better way to express it right?_ ”

Jessica chuckles.

“ _Probably._ ”

She waits a few seconds before she ads.

“ _On a serious note now, how are you really feeling?_ ”

Clay shrugs.

“ _I don’t really know… lost, I guess._ ”

“ _I’m sorry I didn’t try to help you more_.”

Clay shrugs, he’s clearly not open for a discussion right now.

“ _Just, don’t feel like you can’t come to me if needed. You’re my friend and I want to be there for you._ ”

Clay nods.

“ _Do you need anything? For school or… whatever?_ ”

“ _I’m good. Thanks._ ”

Part of her wants to stay here as long as she can before she has to face Justin’s grief, but the other part knows he’s all alone in the outhouse and shouldn't be.

She gets up.

“ _Clay, talk to someone. You don’t have to open up to me, but you should open up to someone. You can’t face something you’re not allowing yourself to talk about.”_

He nods.

“ _I know._ ”

“ _Okay. Well, I guess I’ll see you soon._ ” She offers him a sympathetic smile that Clay doesn’t return. She tried her best but failed. Clay didn’t talk to her as much as she wanted. She still has no idea what he’s really going through.

She hopes Justin is not going to shut her off the same way. It doesn’t matter, she won’t let him.

* * *

Diego doesn’t show up alone. He’s with the other members of the football team and Winston.

“ _You made the right choice Dempsey_.” Diego shouts at him.

“ _You’re going to tell us the truth right?_ ” Luke asks.

“ _Oh yeah._ ” Zach answers in anything but a serious tone.

“ _I’m here to cleanse my soul._ ” He adds.

“ _Good. Then let’s hear it._ ” Diego finally reaches him.

Zach puts the bottle on the ground and makes a sign to Diego to invite him to get closer.

Zach sighs heavily before he closes the gap between him and Diego.

“ _Fuck… you._ ” He whispers in his ear.

Diego snicks.

“ _Is this why you made all of us come here? To play the tough guy?_ ”

“ _Oh yeah, I did… I invited all of you out here so that I could tell you all… in person, with all of my best wishes, to suck… my giant… dick.”_

Zach knows what he’s doing. He’s probably going to get punched. That’s what he wants.

Diego chuckles but he quickly drops his grin and punches Zach who groans and stumbles a few steps back.

“ _Jesus Diego!_ ” Winston intervenes, not wanting any more violence.

“ _How about that, uh? Did that help your memory?_ ” Diego tells Zach.

“ _You know what? Yeah, that… that helped. Thank you. I think… I think I remember something... I remember that you’re a fucking pussy.”_

He chuckles as he finishes his sentence.

“ _Motherfucker.”_

Diego punches him a couple more times and Zach takes it, he doesn’t defend himself.

“ _It’s ok! Ok, ok, alright.”_ He makes Diego stop and groans as he wipes the blood from his nose.

“ _I’ll tell you who did it._ ”

Everyone looks at him, waiting for the truth.

“ _It was me._ ”

He spits some blood to the ground.

“ _It was me all along!_ ” He ads while laughing hysterically.

Diego throws him to the ground and punches him a couple times.

“ _Harder!_ ”

> _That’s what I deserve._

“ _Pussy!_ ”

> _That’s what I did to Bryce._

“ _Hit me harder!_ ”

“ _Jesus Diego, enough!_ ” Luke yells.

Diego stops beating him up and growls.

“ _Guys, we should get out of here._ ” Luke says to his friends as Diego stands up.

“ _You’re fucking crazy you know that? You belong in a mental hospital next to you boy Jensen, you sick fuck!”_ Diego yells at a panting Zach. 

He leaves with his friends and Zach stays lying down on the ground, defeated.

> _This is how Bryce felt. This is what I did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's 2 more chapters coming today, including a Justin/Jessica scene ;)


	74. Half Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica goes to talk to Justin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Banners – Half Light

Jessica is standing in front of the door to the outhouse. There’s no light inside, but Lainie assured her Justin was there when she came down from Clay’s bedroom.

She knocks. No response. She knocks again. No response. She does it a couple more time and still, Justin doesn’t open the door.

“ _Justin!”_ She calls him. 

“ _Open the door. Please.”_ She pleads, but the door remains closed.

She looks at the ground and notices the mat in front of the door. She thinks back to the night she went to see Amber and how she found her apartment. Did Justin keep some habits from his old life?

She squats and looks under the rug. He did. She finds a key under it. A sad smile comes to her lips when she sees it.

She gets up and takes a deep breath before putting the key in the lock. She takes another one before she opens the door.

When she enters the room, she sees Justin sitting on his bed. He took off all the sheets and is sitting in nothing but his underwear.

He looks up at her and she notices the tears on his cheeks.

She starts to walk towards him when Justin speaks.

“ _Don’t._ ”

She stops, not sure what he means, not sure what he wants, but when he doesn’t say anything else, she continues to walk towards him.

“ _Stop!_ ” He yells at her.

This time she listens and stops walking for good.

“ _I’m so sorry._ ” She simply says.

“ _I didn’t open the door. What makes you think I want to see you?_ ” Justin coldly tells her.

Jessica needs a few second to find her next words.

“ _I understand if you don’t want to talk about it to anyone, but you shouldn’t be alone._ ”

“ _I don’t want you here okay?_ ” Justin shouts at her with tears in his eyes.

“ _Justin..._ ” Jessica tries to approach him.

“ _I don’t fucking want you here. Get out!_ ”

“ _I know you’re hurting. I’m only here to help you._ ”

“ _I don’t need you._ ” He says in a sob.

“ _I know… I..._ ”

“ _What can’t you get? I don’t want you! Get the hell out!_ ” He yells again.

Jessica is paralyzed. Justin never screamed at her like this. What is she supposed to do now? Leaving is not an option, but staying neither apparently. She promised herself she would help him so she tries again. She walks to his bed and sits beside him.

Justin looks away from her.

She doesn’t know what to say. There’s nothing to say, so she tries to take his hand, but he doesn’t let her.

“ _Just talk to me._ ” She pleads him, her voice breaking a little.

He takes a deep breath and looks at her.

“ _You want to help me? Then leave. Please._ ” This time he’s the one pleading.

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _Go!_ ”Justin yells again.

Jessica gets up, defeated. Maybe she’s not the one he wants by his side right now, maybe he really doesn’t want her here, maybe he really doesn’t want her at all. She stops when she reaches the table and turns back to look at him.

“ _I’m leaving, but… I’ll always be here._ ” She tells him before she takes something out of her purse and places it on the table.

“ _In case you change your mind._ ” She ads before she walks towards the door.

Justin looks at what she put on the table. A key. Probably to her house. Once the door is closed behind her, Justin breaks down.

He wants nothing more at this moment than to cry in her arms for hours, but he can’t keep bringing her back to him like this. He can’t bring her in his life. He can’t be a part of hers. He has to let her go, for good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me ahah


	75. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Chase Atlantic – Friends

Jessica sits in her car. She breathes rapidly and places her hand on her heart, trying to control her breathing. She won’t break. She has to keep her shit together. She takes out her phone and texts Zach.

Jessica : _Where are u?_

Zach : _The place where we used to get drunk that summer._

Jessica shakes her head. That means he’s at the docks. What the hell is he doing there?

* * *

When she arrives there, she doesn’t understand it any better. As she walks towards him, she notices the blood on his face. She sits down next to him.

“ _Rough night?_ ” She asks.

“ _I’m guessing it didn’t go well if you’re here._ ” Zach says.

“ _It didn’t go at all._ ”

Zach looks at her, but doesn’t ask.

“ _What happened to you?_ ” Jessica changes the subject.

“ _Fucking Diego._ ”

Jessica looks at him, but doesn’t ask.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, taking in each others pain, before looking forward.

Zach grabs the bottle and takes a big gulp.

“ _I wish we could go back to that summer.”_ Zach says.

“ _Me too._ ” Jessica answers in a murmur.

They stay like this, in silence, for about ten minutes before Jessica talks again.

“ _I’ll drive you home._ ”

Zach nods and finishes his bottle.

Jessica gets up and helps him up as well. Then she walks him slowly to her car.

* * *

She doesn’t have to ask to know he can’t go back home so they drive to her home instead. Zach sits on the couch and Jessica brings him a glass of water.

“ _Here. Drink if you want to avoid the headache tomorrow._ ”

She leaves the room and Zach follows her instruction.

She comes back with some cotton and disinfectant.

“ _It may sting a bit._ ” She tells him as she sits down on the coffee-table in front of him.

She wipes the blood on his face with caution.

“ _Why didn’t you tell him?_ ” Zach finally asks.

Jessica stops wiping the blood and looks down.

“ _I don’t think I need to tell him to know it’s not what he wants._ ”

She starts wiping the blood again.

“ _You can’t know that for sure. Not until you talk to him.”_

Jessica hopes it’s true. She hopes she’s wrong for thinking he doesn’t want her or any of this with her.

“ _I will._ _Just… n_ _ot now._ ”

Zach nods.

They have reached a point in their friendship where they don’t question each others action or decision. They know enough about each other to know how much they’re both hurting right now and how they’re both just doing everything they can to cope with everything.

“ _You should call your mom. Let her know you’re spending the night at Alex’s_.”

Zach gets up to make the call.

When he comes back to sit next to her, Jessica opens up to him.

“ _Diego came to talk to me today at school._ ”

“ _What the fuck did he want?_ ”

“ _An explanation. The truth._ ”

“ _I’m sorry._ ”

“ _It’s my own mess. Winston told me you confessed beating up Bryce._ ”

“ _Yeah. I probably shouldn’t have.”_

“ _At least you got it out of your chest. Is this why all of this happened?”_ She points at his face.

“ _No. That’s just me… and my own mess._ ”

Jessica nods, understanding precisely what he means.

“ _We should get some sleep. We have school tomorrow._ ” Jessica tells him.

“ _I don’t know if...”_

“ _If I’m going, you’re going.”_ She cuts him off.

Zach chuckles.

“ _Then I guess we’re both going to school tomorrow.”_

“ _Yeah, after a clearly needed night of sleep.”_ She answers as she helps him up.

Once she helped Zach go to bed she comes back downstairs to her living room. She sits on the couch and turns on the TV. This is how she spends her night, seated on her couch, listening to the TV, but her yes fixated on the front door, praying to see Justin enter at any point. He doesn’t. She spends another night alone and awake.

When Justin gets home he’s surprised to see Clay sitting at the table in the outhouse.

“ _Where have you been?_ ” Clay asks his brother.

“ _Jessica’s_.” He lies. “ _What are you doing here?_ ”

“ _I couldn’t sleep in my old bed. I figured it would be nice not to be alone._ ”

Justin walks to the bathroom and Clay notices he’s not sober.

“ _You’re alright?_ ”

“ _You’ alright?_ ” Justin replies in a sharp tone.

“ _Justin._ ”

The boy stops on his way but doesn’t look back at Clay.

“ _Are you using again?_ ”

Justin chuckles.

“ _Clay, man, if I were you I’d get my own shit together before worrying about anyone else._ ”

“ _I’m working on it._ ”

“ _Then keep doing that and don’t worry about me... Please._ ”

He enters the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

Clay is right, he is using again. Well, he used for the first time tonight since rehab. He knew he was going to relapse at some point when he left the facility and now that he decided to accept his fate he can’t see any reason not to. At least, if he overdoses, no one will have to know about his secret. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Clay said in 2x08 : It's gonna get worse before it gets better.


	76. Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are Thursdays always that hard to go trough? --> I really suck at summaries ahah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Youth – Daughter

Before school even starts on this day, some Liberty High Students are already up and ready to face their messy lives.

* * *

Jessica opens the door to the outhouse and the boy inside greets her.

“ _Thanks for coming._ ”

She nods and walks up to him. 

* * *

Diego and Winston are listening to Bryce’s words playing on a tape in the photo lab.

“ _I wish you the best Jess, truly. Goodbye._ ”

“ _Oh my god._ ”

Diego can’t believe it. A part of him hoped he was wrong and Jess didn’t really have to do something with his death.

“ _It was in the dark room this morning when I arrived, in an envelop with my name on it.”_

Winston explains him.

“ _Who gave you this?”_

“ _I don’t know._ ”

“ _Do you think she heard it?_ ”

“ _Do you think she didn’t?_ ”

“ _So what does it mean? Is this the proof we were looking for?_ ”

“ _It must be._ ”

“ _Do we bring this to the cops?_ ”

“ _I don’t know. We have to be sure about this. If we go there without the truth I’m afraid it’ll be all for nothing_.”

“ _So what? We just ask her?_ ”

“ _She’s a good liar. We both know it. I think we should wait, and keep digging. At some point she won’t have any other option than to come clean._ ”

Diego agrees, but he’s frustrated by of all of this.

Winston understands that. He’s tired of waiting, of not knowing. 

* * *

Zach came to school early this morning. Jessica had to leave her house to see one of the Jensens. He didn’t ask which one and she dropped him to school on her way there. He’s now sitting alone in the cafeteria, waiting for the bell to ring.

“ _Can you tell me why your mom...”_ Alex begins as he sits at his table.

“ _Jesus. What happened t_ _o_ _your face?_ ” Charlie, who is there too, asks.

“ _It’s a long story. Don’t worry about it._ ” Zach explains in a detached tone.

“ _No Zach. We are worrying about it. Why did your mom called to check if you did sleep at my house this morning?_ ” Alex asks, tired of his lies.

“ _I told her I was last night… What did you say?_ ”

“ _Lucky for you my dad answered and for some reason he covered for you._ ”

“ _That’s… that’s good. Thanks._ ”

“ _Where were you?_ ” Charlie asks.

Zach fidgets, but doesn’t respond.

“ _Zach!_ ” Alex demands an answer.

“ _I was… I was at Jessica’s._ ”

“ _Why?_ ” Charlie is surprised.

Alex isn’t. He saw the two of them leave together after the drill and he knows he was with her the night of the party as well. He wonders why they’re suddenly close again.

“ _I needed I drive home and I knew I could crash at her place because her parents are gone so I called her and she picked me up._ ”

Zach sees Diego from the corner of his eyes. He seems angry as he walks towards Beecher.

“ _Can you do me a favor?_ ” he asks them.

“ _Sure. What?”_ Charlie responds, noticing the worry on his friend’s face.

“ _Can you keep an eye on Diego today?_ ”

“ _We can, but… why?_ ” Alex doesn’t understand why he suddenly worries about the boy.

“ _I can’t tell you, but… just make sure he doesn’t go anywhere near Jessica okay?_ ”

Zach knows she plans on coming back to school again, but after she told him Diego talked to her yesterday, he needs to know he won’t try it again.

“ _Aren’t they like… dating?_ ” Charlie asks with innocence.

“ _Not anymore._ ” Zach ads before he gets up.

“ _Wait, why are you asking us this? Where are you going?”_ Alex tries to understand.

“ _Kerba texted me. He wants to see me and I don’t know how long this will last so… just in case._ ”

He leaves Charlie and Alex and they look at each other, trying to understand what the hell all of this is about.

* * *

“ _Thanks for coming._ ”

Jessica walks up to Clay and sits on a chair beside him at the table.

“ _I know it’s early, but it’s important._ ”

“ _Of course Clay. What is it?_ ”

She looks around and doesn’t see Justin so she gets worried when she realizes it has to be about him.

“ _Justin. Did he come to your house last night?_ ”

“ _No… you don’t know where he is?_ ” She feels her heart beating faster and faster with worry.

“ _I do know. He left for work earlier, but last night he came home pretty late and …_ ”

He can’t bring himself to say it. He doesn’t wanna face the fact that his brother was in fact high last night.

“ _He relapsed?_ ” Jessica asks in a whisper, almost afraid of saying the words out loud.

“ _I think so. He wasn’t sober when I talked to him.”_

Jessica feels guilty. She was there with him last night, if she had stayed longer, he would have never left, she wouldn’t have let him. She looks up at Clay and catches the worry in his eyes.

“ _I’ll take care of it. Just, take care of yourself okay?_ ”

“ _Don’t you think I should...”_

“ _Clay. You’ve already done more than enough for him. There’s nothing you can do that I can’t for now so I’ll handle it. Let me do this, please?_ ”

Clay nods.

“ _The only thing you should worry about right now is yourself. Focus on that.”_

“ _Thank you._ ”

“ _You know how many times you took care of our shit in the past? It’s time you let someone else handle it for a while._ ”

Clay chuckles.

“ _I want my role back once I feel better._ ” He jokes.

“ _You will, as soon as you get better._ ” She offers him with a warm smile.

“ _Did you tell your parents?_ ” She continues.

“ _No. I didn’t want to do it unless I was sure and I was hoping to talk to him before that._ ”

“ _You were right. It’s probably best if we don’t worry them in case you’re wrong.”_

“ _I’m not wrong._ ” Clay sadly says.

Jessica’s eyes start to glimmer and she takes a deep breath as she gets up.

“ _He’s at work now right?_ ”

“ _He is. They called him pretty early and he told me he had to replace someone_ _else_ _shift._ ”

“ _Okay, well, I feel like a hot chocolate anyway so I’ll stop by later this morning.”_

“ _You’ll have to miss school.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _Yeah, nothing I haven’t done before don’t worry.”_

Clay gives her a thankful nod and she leaves.

* * *

“ _How are you feeling today?_ ” are Kerba’s first words to Zach and he doesn’t expect it.

“ _Uhm… pretty good coach._ ”

“ _You don’t look so good._ ”

Zach looks at the ground.

“ _What_ _happened_ _?”_

“ _Why did you ask me here?_ ” Zach dismiss the question.

“ _Dean Foundry came to see me to talk about you.”_

“ _I guess it wasn’t about my perfect grades._ ”

“ _It wasn’t. He wants to talk to you about your grades and your attendance, but I convinced him to let me talk to you first._ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _Because I’m worried about you too. Why did you stop coming to practices?_ ”

“ _I can’t practice. What’s the point?_ ”

“ _We both know you can. You chose not to. If you had followed on PT..._ ”

“ _You don’t think I know that?_ ” Zach cuts him off.

“ _It’s not too late and you’re teammates would be happy to have you by their side._ ”

“ _They’re not my teammates anymore.”_

“ _Just because you don’t play anymore...”_

“ _I’m not part of this team!”_ Zach raises his voice.

Every time he steps in the locker-room, on a field or in the gym, all he can think about is Jeff, Bryce and Monty who should be there. How they’re not anymore and how he doesn’t deserve his place there more than them.

“ _You can choose to be. It’s up to you._ ”

“ _Thanks for the advice._ ” 

He gets up and leaves. Once in the locker-room, he looks around and his mind takes him back to the time he spend here in the past few years, with people who are now gone. He shakes his head to stop the tears from even filling his eyes and leaves to reach his first class of the day.

* * *

Jessica tries to control her breath once she reaches her car. _Not yet_ , she can’t break yet, she has to take care of Justin. She knows he’s working, based on what Clay has told her and maybe she should wait until his shift ends before she tries to talk to him again. In the meantime, she should go to school. There’s an HO meeting this morning and she skipped too many already.

When she enters the room, everyone looks at her.

“ _I’m sorry for being late._ ” She apologizes as she sits at the table.

“ _At least you showed up.”_ One of the girls tells her.

“ _So, what is this about?”_ Jessica asks. She didn’t plan the meeting so she figures Casey has an agenda.

“ _You.”_ Tyler answers her with an apologetic look on his face.

“ _You’ve been skipping more and more meetings lately.”_ One of the girls explains.

“ _And… you’ve done nothing about the drill._ ” Another ads.

“ _I talked to Bolan about the drill, but I can’t go back in time to prevent it. There’s nothing more I can really do about it._ ”

“ _Okay, so how about HO? You created this group and it seems like you don’t care anymore._ ” Casey accuses her.

“ _I do care, I’m sorry. I’ve just… I’ve been really busy lately and...”_

“ _Sleeping around with half the football team?”_ One girl cuts her off.

“ _What? I..._ ” Jessica doesn’t even know how to react.

“ _You can’t say that. Jessica has done so much for all of us and you can’t talk to her like this, or to anyone._ ” Tyler defends her and Jessica offers him a thankful smile.

“ _I’m sorry. I really am. What can I do?_ ” Jessica says.

“ _We don’t need anything from you. We managed to make this work without you._ ” Casey answers her.

The bell rings and they all leave to join their class, except Tyler.

“ _Are you okay? I tried to defend you, but..._ ”

“ _You did. Thank you for that, but they were right to call me out.”_

“ _No, they weren’t.”_

“ _It doesn't matter anyway. They don’t want me here anymore... No one wants me anymore.”_

“ _I do. I wouldn’t even be in this group if it wasn't for you.”_

“ _That’s nice.”_ Jessica smiles at his kindness.

“ _I should probably go, but I’m still on your side okay? I’ll always be._ ”

“ _Always?_ ”

“ _Always.”_ He answers with a smile before he leaves the room.

Jessica takes her head in her hands. She has to take a few minutes before she leaves to see Justin. 


	77. Don't Give Up On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica looks for Justin. Alex is worried about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Andy Grammer – Don't Give Up On Me

When Jessica arrives at Monet’s, she's surprised Justin isn’t behind the counter. She walks up to the owner who is there instead.

“ _Good morning. What can I get you?_ ”

“ _Isn’t Justin Foley supposed to be working now?_ ”

“ _He doesn’t work on Thursdays.”_

“ _I know he usually doesn’t, but didn’t you call him to ask him to take someone else’s shift this morning?_ ”

“ _I did call him, but that was not the reason I did.”_

Jessica waits for him to explain, but he doesn’t.

“ _Why did you?_ ”

The man sighs.

“ _I asked him to come here so I could talk to him._ ”

“ _About what?_ ”

“ _Listen, Miss, I’ve seen you around a lot and I don’t want to be rude, but this doesn’t concern you.”_

“ _It does.”_ The man doesn’t seem to care so she tries harder.

“ _I think he might be in trouble and I just want to find him. Help me… please._ ”

The man hears the distress in her voice.

“ _You're right to think he might be in trouble. I called him in here to fire him.”_

“ _Why? What did he do?”_

“ _He stole money from the register. I first noticed this about three weeks ago and yesterday an employee told me she saw him do it again a few days ago.”_

Jessica has trouble making sense of this. Justin may have stolen to buy, but does it mean he already relapsed a few weeks ago?

“ _Now that you have your answer, can I get you something?”_

Her phone rings. It’s Alex.

“ _Hello?_ ”

\- - -

“ _No. I’m… I’m at Monet’s._ ”

\- - -

“ _Can’t this wait? I’m kind of busy right now._ ”

\- - -

“ _Okay. I’ll wait for you, but you better get here fast.”_

She hangs up and orders a drink.

* * *

Alex enters Monet’s and isn’t surprised to see Jessica impatiently waiting for him.

He orders a cappuccino and joins her.

“ _What the fuck is going on with you?_ ” He asks her, worry by the way she looks and still thinking about what Zach has said this morning.

“ _Nothing. What do you want?_ ”

Jessica feels bad for being so cold, but every second that pass is another second she wonders where Justin could be.

“ _I heard Diaz talking to my dad yesterday and it sounded like they were going to reopen the case.”_

“ _Why didn’t you say anything?”_

“ _I’m saying it now. Do you think we should call a meeting with everyone to talk about this?”_

“ _No. I…it’s our problem, not theirs.”_

“ _You’re right. I’m sorry.”_

“ _Don’t be.”_

“ _What should we do?”_

“ _I don’t know.”_ Jess responds in a defeated tone.

“ _Why are you here and not_ _at_ _school?_ ”

“ _I came to look for Justin._ ”

“ _Well, he’s at school so..._ ”

“ _He is?_ ” Jessica’s tone is full of hope.

“ _Yeah, I saw him on the parking lot when I left. Why?_ ”

“ _I just need to talk to him about something._ ”

“ _Are you two back together? Zach told us about you and Diego._ ”

“ _What did he tell you?_ ”

“ _Just that you weren’t together anymore. Is there something else I should know about?_ ” Alex tries, knowing well the story is far more complicated than a simple break-up.

“ _No. We just… broke up._ ”

“ _Really? Because it seems like there’s something else going on._ ”

“ _There isn’t._ ”

Alex doesn’t believe her, but he can’t force the words out of her.

“ _If there is, you know you can tell me right?_ ”

“ _I know. Thank you, but right now I really need to go to school._ ”

She stars to leave.

“ _You can’t even wait for me to finish my drink? We can go together._ ”

“ _No. I… it really can’t wait. I’m sorry._ ” She apologizes as she almost runs to the exit.

Alex watches her leave and is worried. She was frantic, and sad, and worried, all at the same time, but he won’t give up on her. He won’t stop trying to understand what is happening with her… and Zach… and Diego… and Justin. 


	78. Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica finds Justin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Greta Svabo Bech – Circles

Jessica searched the whole school, but she didn’t find Justin.

> _Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Maybe he’s sitting in class right now._

She can’t shake the feeling in her stomach that he’s not, so she decides to search everywhere around school. The gyms, the field, and that's when she sees him. He’s sitting, but not in class, he’s sitting on a crappy chair behind the school, near the field. She goes down the few steps to approach him and her heart stops when she sees the needle he just dropped fall next to his unworn shoe on the ground.

“ _Hey...Hi._ ” He greets her, hiding his face, ashamed.

“ _I went to look for you at Monet’s._ ”

“ _I quit._ ”

“ _They told me you got fired._ ”

Justin keeps avoiding her stare.

“ _Justin_.” She tries, as she gets closer and extends her arm to him, but she doesn’t touch him.

“ _Yeah, whatever._ ” He chuckles and she notices how stoned he is.

“ _How can you even like him?_ ” he ads. 

“ _Who?_ ”

“ _Diego._ ”

“ _I don’t._ ”

“ _I can’t blame you. He’s better than me. I’m just a fucking mess._ ”

“ _I don’t give a shit about him. I care about you so much_ _and_ _I never thought you were a mess Justin._ ”

“ _Well, I am._ ”

Jessica heart’s keeps breaking when she sees him like that, when she hears those words, so much that no words leave her mouth.

“ _I’m not gonna get better so… you better find something else to do than sit around… and wait for me to OD._ ”

“ _So don’t OD!_ ” Jessica raises her voice at him as she puts her hand to his shoulder, but Justin flinches and she immediately removes it. Somehow her gesture terrified him, so she looks at him, paralyzed, not knowing what to say or do anymore.

“ _G…_ _get… the fuck out of here. Okay? I didn’t ask you to come looking for me. I came to the fucking alley for a fucking reason!_ ”

Jessica shrugs.

“ _I’ll always come looking for you._ ”

Justin’s heart breaks. She shouldn’t. She can’t do that. She needs to let him go.

“ _That’s fucking pathetic… Go.”_

“ _No.” Jessica replies in a soft voice._

“ _Go.”_

“ _No.” This time her voice breaks a little._

“ _Just go Jess.”_

She looks at him with tears in her eyes, but she doesn’t move.

Justin is still not looking at her, but he hears her chocked sob and he can’t take it anymore.

“ _Go!”_ He yells at her as he physically pushes her away.

Jessica takes two steps back when he pushes her away, but she doesn’t leave. Instead, she sits on the ground, against the wall.

“ _I won’t go anywhere. You can try to push me away, again and again, but I’ll always come back. I’ll always be here._ ” She tells him a determined voice.

Justin looks at the ground, his head in his hand and takes a deep breath to avoid breaking down in front of her.

Jessica means it. She won’t leave his side.

The more Justin can feel her looking at him, the harder it gets for him not to break.

The more Jessica looks at him, the harder it is for her not to bring him in her arms.

At some point, Justin can’t take it anymore and he breaks. He sobs, his whole body shaking.

Jessica moves to squat in front of him, but she doesn’t touch him. She takes the needle from the ground and throws it away. She looks at him and for the first time their eyes meet. Justin gets down from the chair and throws himself in her arms. Jessica brings him closer as she sits down and he cries in her arms as she gently strokes his hair.

“ _You’re going to be okay. It’s going to be okay._ ” She tells him, trying to soothe him. 

" _I don't want to hurt you more._ " He says against her shoulder between two sobs. 

" _I know."_ She answers, dropping a kiss on his forehead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this chapter so I hope it made you feel something too.   
> Are the two of them finally going to talk for real? They both have a lot to say, but timing's a bitch and some things may be left unsaid...


	79. To Build A Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin wakes up in Jessica's bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home

When Justin opens his eyes, he needs a few seconds to recognize Jessica’s bedroom.

“ _Hey._ ” He hears her say in a soft voice and he looks at her, sitting on the floor, against the bed he’s lying in.

“ _Hey._ ” He returns, in a shy voice, not sure how to act after what happened earlier.

Jessica doesn’t know how to act either.

“ _I should drive you home. Your parents are going to get worried._ ”

“ _What time is it?_ ” He asks, as he rubs his eyes.

“ _It’s almost six._ ”

Jessica hands him a water bottle and he sits on the bed to drink.

“ _I don’t even remember how we got here._ ” He tells her, avoiding her eyes, ashamed.

“ _I drove us here from school this morning._ ” She avoids looking at him as well.

“ _I’ve been asleep since then?_ ” He asks.

“ _No. For a few hours you just lied there, awake, but pretty out of it. You fell asleep not so long ago._ ”

Justin nods, taking the information in.

“ _Thank you.”_ He offers her with shame in his voice.

“ _It’s okay. I told you I wasn’t going to leave you.”_ She tells him as she gets up.

“ _Are you feeling… better?_ ” She looks for the right words.

“ _I am. Enough to go home._ ”

“ _Okay. I’ll be waiting for you downstairs._ ”

She leaves her bedroom and makes her way downstairs.

Justin sighs when Jessica leaves her bedroom. He messed up, again, but she came back to him, again. He doesn’t remember everything that happened this morning, but he knows she was there for him. She always has been. Maybe it’s not a possibility to imagine a version of their live without one another. Maybe, no matter how hard he tries to push her away, he’ll never succeed.

Jessica spend all day thinking about what she should say to him and she arrived to the conclusion that what he needs right now is to read his mother’s letter, more than anything else.

She checks to see if it is still in her purse when Justin arrives at the end of the staircase.

Should they talk now or …? 

> _No, I’ll tell him once we reach the outhouse_. _Matt, Lainie and especially Clay need to know he’s okay._

“ _Ready?_ ” She asks him and he nods so they go out the door and drive off.

* * *

They don’t talk the whole car ride.

Justin feels incredibly ashamed and if he could climb into a hole, he would.

Jessica’s mind is going through every possible way she can talk to him about his mom and every single excuse she has not to talk to him about the pregnancy.

* * *

They enter the outhouse and Justin is relieved it’s empty.

“ _Where’s Clay?_ ” Jessica asks.

“ _Therapy_.” Justin responds.

Justin is exhausted. After the extreme high, there’s always an extreme low. He walks to his bed, but sits on the floor against it when he notices the sheets back on it.

Jessica is exhausted ; physically and mentally. The nights she spend awake and the days she spend running from problem to problem are starting to be more than she can take. She walks up to Justin and sits beside him.

They stay seated in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and the simple comfort of being next to each other.

“ _Do you wan to talk about it? Your mom?_ ”

“ _What is there to say?_ ”

“ _Whatever you feel like saying._ ”

“ _I… I feel like I wasted my chance to talk to her. Just one last time. To tell her everything I wanted to say, to hear whatever she had to say._ ”

Jessica nods to invite him to continue.

“ _She was my mom Jess. I know she wasn’t perfect, but neither am I. She never got a chance and… I feel guilty for getting one.”_

“ _You shouldn’t. You deserve what you have now. You always did.”_

“ _You really think so? Why do I deserve a chance more than she did? In a way, we’re the same, her and I and… a part of me wonders if it wouldn’t be better if ended up just like her.”_

“ _It wouldn’t and… I think you’re wrong to think you and her are the same. She may be your mother and you both went through similar stuff, but you changed. She never did.”_

“ _Yeah, because people helped me. People reached out to me. Bryce, Zach, Clay, Matt, Lainie … you.”_

“ _Yeah, because we love you.”_

“ _She never had that, someone that loved her.”_

“ _You’re wrong. She had you. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen how much you loved her and how much you tried to help.”_

“ _But I left. She only had me and I gave up on her.”_

“ _You were right to. At some point, you can’t help people if they don’t want you too. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”_

Justin nods, with a sad look in his eyes. Maybe Jessica is right, maybe there’s nothing he could have done.

“ _I know you’ll never have the chance to talk to her one last time, but you have a chance to hear whatever she had to say._ ” Jessica tells him, in a comforting tone.

Justin looks at her, confused.

Jessica brings her purse closer to her, takes out the envelop and hands it to Justin.

He grabs it, but his look is focused on Jessica, trying to understand.

“ _What is this?_ ”

“ _A letter. From her, to you._ ”

Justin shakes his head, trying to make sense of this.

“ _I went to see her the night of the party and the next day she gave me this for you.”_

“ _What? Why?”_

“ _I guess she wanted to say some things to you.”_

“ _No. Why did you went to see her?”_

“ _Don’t be mad please. I… I just wanted to tell her to leave you alone. I know her reaching out to you was really upsetting you and she already did enough damage all your life so… I wanted to protect you from more. To be honest, I think I needed to confront her about it too. I couldn’t understand how she kept hurting you, again and again and...”_ Jessica falls silent, afraid Justin my be mad at her.

“ _I’m not mad Jess. I understand and… in a way you did what I never had the chance to. Many times I thought about what I could say to her and a part of me always wanted answers, wanted to understand how she could have gave up on me like she did._ ”

“ _Maybe you’ll get these answers now._ ” She says, pointing at the letter.

Justin nods, looking at it with apprehension.

“ _When did_ _s_ _he gave you this?_ ”

“ _The next morning. She agreed to leave you alone, as long a_ _s_ _I promised her to give you this.”_

“ _I…_ _I don’t know if I can read this._ ”

“ _You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”_

“ _No. I… would you read it for me please?_ ”

Jessica didn’t expect this, but she’ll do anything for him so she agrees and takes it from his hand.

She opens it carefully and unfolds the sheet of paper to reveal a long letter.

Justin rests his head against Jessica’s shoulder and closes his eyes, waiting to hear the last words her mother wrote for him.

> “ _Justin,_
> 
> _I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through. When Jessica confronted me about it I realized how much I’ve failed you as a mother. She said something that stuck with me and convinced me to write you this letter. The easiest part of being a mother is to love your child with all your heart and I never could, I never did. This has nothing to do with you and all to do with me. I think my heart was broken way before you came into my life and it made it impossible for me to love anyone completely. It made it impossible for me to love you completely, but I do. I swear that I love you anyway, even if it isn’t the kind of love you deserve. I’ve never been the kind of mom you deserved. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that, but I’m happy to know you now have it. I know you’re surrounded by people who love, protect and cherish you like I should have. You deserve it. Please, don’t make the same mistake I did. Please, allow yourself to be loved, cherished and protected. You were the only one in my life that has done that for me, but I never let you. I’m relieved that, whatever happens next, you’ll never be alone to face it. I’ll never contact you again, but I’ll always be your mother. I’m going to try to get better, like you always wanted. I’m proud of how far you’ve come. Knowing that, it gives me hope that maybe I still have time to change too. As long as we draw breath, there is hope. You have the life you always deserved. Live this life. You’ll always be my big handsome boy. I love you._
> 
> _Mom”_

Jessica feels her shirt getting wet and she knows Justin is crying.

When she finishes the letter, Justin doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move.

“ _I hope you’_ _ll_ _listen. You need to let yourself be cared for._ ” Jessica tells him as she rests her head on his.

“ _Why did you came looking for me_ _this morning_ _?_ ” are his first words.

“ _Because I was worried about you. So was Clay._ ”

“ _Why? Why do you care so much?_ ”

Jessica leave his side and sits in front of him. She cups his face with her hands as she looks straight into his eyes.

“ _Because we love you… so fucking much._ ” She replies, with a smile and teary eyes.

Justin smiles back, but his tears are still making their way down his cheeks.

Jessica softly wipes them with her thumbs.

“ _You’re not alone anymore. There are so many people around you who would do anything for you. You need to accept this. Okay?_ ”

“ _I relapsed._ ” He says, full of guilt.

“ _And this won’t change it. We’ll do whatever we have to, to help you get better_ _again.”_

“ _What if you can’t? What if I can’t? Get better.”_

“ _As long as you draw breath, there is hope.”_ Jessica quotes Amber’s words.

Justin nods and Jessica places a sweet kiss on his forehead.

When she moves away from his face, they look deeply in each others eyes and Justin can see it. He sees all of Jessica’s love for him in her eyes, and he realizes, he realizes there is hope.

“ _I need to talk to Matt and Lainie. Can I come to your house later?_ ”

He’s going to do it. He’s going to tell them everything and after that, he’s going to tell her the truth as well.

“ _Of course.”_ She offers him a tender smile. 

He takes her hand and places a gentle kiss on top of it.

“ _Thank you._ ”

She gets up and offers him her hand to help him up.

Once they are standing face to face, Justin takes her in his arms.

“ _For everything.”_ He ads _._

Justin needs this hug. It gives him the courage he needs to talk to his family.

Jessica could stay there for hours, but she knows he needs to talk to his parents so she breaks their embrace. 

“ _I’ll be waiting for you._ ” She tells him and kisses him on the cheek before she leaves. 


	80. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A well kept secret is finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Truth · Eskmo

When Clay arrives home after his therapy session and enters the kitchen, he’s relieved to see Justin sitting in the kitchen with his parents. Relieved for a second, until he sees the tears on his mother’s cheek.

“ _Uhm… Hi._ ” He awkwardly says.

Justin turns around to look at him and Clay sees he’s been crying too.

“ _What is happening?_ ” He asks.

Matt looks at Justin, and he nods so his father points at the chair to invite Clay to sit with them.

“ _What?_ ” Clay asks Justin, worried.

“ _I haven’t told you something about me. Something I found out when I went to rehab._ ” Justin explains with a lump in his throat.

Clay looks at his parents, holding on to each other's hand on the table and is afraid of what his brother might say next.

“ _I… I have HIV._ ” Justin let’s the truth out.

“ _What? How? I..._ ” Clay tries to understand.

“ _I can’t know for sure when I contracted it. It may have been during the time I spend on the streets.”_

Clay nods. As sad as it is, it actually makes sense.

“ _But… you’re going to be okay right?_ ”

“ _I hope so._ ” Justin answers.

“ _He will._ ” Matt tells them in a determined tone.

“ _We’ll make a doctor appointment as soon as we can and you’re going to be okay. I promise._ ” Lainie reassures them.

“ _Why didn’t you say anything before?_ ” Clay asks, kind of angry at his brother for waiting months before coming clean with this.

“ _I… I guess I was ashamed. I didn’t want to disappoint you and I thought I should handle this on my own.”_

“ _That’s bullshit.”_ Clay says in an accusatory tone. _  
_

“ _Clay!”_ His mother reprimands him.

“ _No! It is bullshit. Did you do anything about it?_ ” He asks his brother.

Justin shakes his head and looks at the floor.

“ _You weren’t planning on handling it did you? You were going to let yourself die!_ ”

“ _Clay._ ” His father tries to calm him down.

Lainie sees the look on Justin’s face and her heart breaks.

“ _Did you really?_ ” She asks him, her voice breaking.

“ _I… you guys did so much for me already and… the treatment is expensive. I couldn’t ask this from you.”_ Justin tries to justify.

“ _So you were going to let yourself die?_ ” Matt asks, chocked, finally understanding what Clay and Lainie already have.

Justin nods sadly.

“ _Maybe, but I… I stole some money from work. I wanted to see if I had a way to pay for the medicine.”_

“ _You have. Us._ ” Matt tells him.

Justin shakes his head.

“ _You don’t understand..._ ”

“ _No. You don’t understand Justin._” Clay cuts him off.

“ _You are our son. You’re part of this family. You don’t even have to think about money. What is ours is yours just the same._ ” Matt tells the boy.

“ _Please tell me you understand that._ ” Lainie says.

“ _I do now._ ” Justin says as he looks at them. _“and… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for lying to you guys. I’m sorry I got fired for stealing money and … I’m sorry I relapsed.”_ He ads, ashamed of everything he screwed up.

Lainie sighs.

“ _You did?_ ” Matt asks him.

“ _Yeah, last night and… this morning too._ ”

“ _We’re sorry too._ ” Lainie says and Justin looks at her, confused.

“ _We’re sorry you went through this alone. We’re sorry… you didn’t feel like you could come to us._ ” she ads.

“ _It’s… it’s not your fault. You have been so great to me. I’m really thankful for all you’ve done. This… it’s my own fault. All of it. It all results from the choices I’ve made.”_

“ _Don’t say that. It doesn’t. It all results from the help you needed, but never really got._ ” Clay reassures him.

“ _But it’s going to change. We’ll get you whatever help you need, starting tomorrow. We are going to take you to see a doctor and I think you need to see a therapist as well._ ” Lainie explains to him.

Justin nods, he’s going to accept their help now. He has to accept what is offered to him, what his mom never got.

“ _Do you need to go back to rehab?_ ” Matt asks.

“ _I hope not. I… I think therapy might help._ ”

“ _It will. It helped me._ ” Clay offers him a sympathetic smile.

“ _It did?_ ” Lainie asks Clay, full of hope.

“ _Yeah. Tonight I really made some progress with Dr. Ellman and… he was able to diagnose me.”_

“ _Really?_ ” Justin asks his brother, with a hopeful smile.

“ _Yeah. I’ve been dissociating and… I didn’t remember everything, but tonight it all came back to me.”_

“ _What does it mean exactly?_ ” Justin tries to understand.

“ _It means I’m getting better. It means he can really help me now. He prescribed me some pills that should help. I’m not going to be okay just yet, we still need to figure out the right dosage, but I’ll get there. And you will too.”_ Clay offers Justin with hope as he takes his hand to reassure him.

Matt and Lainie smile, looking at their sons supporting each other.

“ _Tomorrow is a new start for this family. Tomorrow, we’ll do what we need to so you boys can get better._ ” Matt says. 

He leans forward and places his hand on the table, waiting for everyone else to place theirs on top of his.

Clay is the first to do so. Justin is a little hesitant, but he places his hand with his father’s and brother’s. The three of them look at Lainie who can’t refrain her tears. She nods and joins their hand with hers.

“ _We’re all going to be okay. Everything is going to get better.”_ She says to her family with a warm smile.

Pretty quick, the moment is getting awkward so Matt removes his hand.

“ _Since tomorrow is going to be a big day, why don’t you get some sleep?”_ He asks his sons.

“ _Actually...uhm… I told Jessica I was going to come by her house tonight.”_ Justin explains.

“ _I… I need to talk to her too.”_ He ads, the lump back in his throat when he thinks about this conversation.

They all understand how important it is so all Lainie says is

“ _You should spend the night there. You two have a lot to talk about and she’s all alone in this big house. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your company._ ”

“ _I’ll drive you.”_ Clay offers as he gets up.

“ _Just, keep your phone close to you. We’ll call you as soon as we have an appointment._ ” Matt ads.

“ _Sure. Thank you. For understanding and … for letting me leave after all that.”_

“ _Jessica’s family too.”_ Lainietells him to which he nods. 

That’s why this conversation is going to be even harder. Jessica was his family before they even entered his life.

He gets up and him and Clay drive off to her house. 


	81. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin tells Jessica about the disease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Light · Sleeping At Last

Jessica is pacing back and forth in her living room. Justin is supposed to come to see her and she knows, she knows it’s the moment she’ll have to tell him about the baby. She jumps when she hears the front door opening and is paralyzed, afraid to move even an inch. She relaxes when she sees Justin entering the room.

“ _How did you get here?”_

“ _You gave me a key. Remember?_ ” He explains, as he shows it to her.

“ _Yeah… I did._ ” She smiles at him.

“ _How did it go with Matt and Lainie?_ ” She asks with concern.

Justin sighs deeply as he walks to the couch. Jessica follows him with her eyes and the boy sits down and pats the place beside him to invite her to sit, which she does.

“ _I… I have something to tell you.”_ He says in a low voice, trying to control his emotions.

“ _I have too._ ” She says in a soft voice.

“ _I think I should start._ ”

_If I don’t say it now, I’ll never have the strength to do it._

Jessica gives him a small smile and nods, waiting for him to continue. Her eyes are looking straight in his and she sees the fear in them so her smile drops instantly.

“ _I never gave you the real reason I broke up with you.”_

He pauses to regain his composure. This is even harder than he anticipated.

“ _When I arrived in rehab, I got tested for all sort of stuff_ _and…”_

Jessica doesn’t realize it, but she’s shaking her head, already refusing the truth he hasn’t given her yet.

“ _I got tested positive for HIV._ ”

He drops his gaze, unable to face the fear in her eyes. Jessica’s mouth opens, but no sound comes out.

“ _I broke up with you because I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already had._ ”

A tear streams down Jessica’s face and she says the next few words with a reassuring smile.

“ _Justin, you hurt me more by leaving me than you could have with the truth._ ”

“ _It’s not just that… I… I didn’t want to get treated for this and… I thought it would be easier for you to hate me_ _if you had_ _to watch me die.”_

“ _You..”_ Jessica shakes her head, trying to make sense of this.

“ _I didn’t think I deserved to survive this,_ _but… you changed that. Today, everything you said to me, it gave me hope._ ”

“ _So…_ _please, please tell me you’ll get treated for this._ ”

“ _I will, but… I’m so sorry Jess.”_

Once again, he looks down.

“ _You need to get tested too. Because of me._ ”

Jessica tries to process the information.

“ _I’ve put you at risk and Alex too and… I’m sorry for that and everything._ ”

Jessica cups his face with her hand to force him to look at her.

“ _This isn’t your fault Justin. The only thing you need to apologize for is giving up on you. How could you think it would be better if I hated and.. lost you?”_

Justin stammers, but doesn’t find an answer.

“ _I could never hate you. I...I love you. More than anything.”_ She smiles, despite the tears. “ _I need you. More than you even know._ ”

Justin’s tears slip down her hand and he smiles at her words. This time he’s the one to cup her face with both his hands.

“ _I love you too and I promise you, I’ll do everything to be able to spend the rest of my life by your side.”_

Jessica let’s out a small laugh, full of joy and it’s music to his ears. He can’t help it and he slowly gets closer and closer to her until their lips touch. It’s a sweet and tender kiss, but enough to make both of their hearts explode out of their chest. They then rest forehead against forehead, looking deep in each others eyes.

“ _What’s next for you?_ ” Jessica asks, unable to hide her worry.

“ _I wait for a phone call._ ”

“ _What?_ ”

Justin chuckles at the surprised tone she used. 

“ _My parents are going to make an appointment for me as soon as they can and they’ll call me to let me know.”_

Jessica nods and Justin leans back in the couch.

“ _Come here._ ” He invites Jess to get closer, noticing she’s still pretty shaken up.

Jessica offers him a thankful smile and she cuddles against him, her head against his chest.

“ _I’ve missed you._ ” She says in a murmur.

“ _I’m not going anywhere._ ” He replies with tenderness and places a kiss on the top of her head, hoping that's true. 

Jessica closes her eyes and breathes in his scent. A smile forms on her lips. She didn’t think it was possible to miss a smell that much. After a minute or so, Justin remembers Jessica wanted to tell him something too.

“ _What did you want to tell me?_ ” Justin asks in a low voice, but Jessica doesn’t respond.

He looks down at her and realizes she’s asleep against him. A smile forms on his lips and he drops another gentle kiss to the back of her head. 


	82. Certain Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can’t fight against what your heart wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Certain Things – James Arthur

Jessica opens her eyes when she hears a phone ring. She looks around and realizes she’s lying on her couch, a blanket placed on top of her. She sits down and hears Justin’s voice coming from her kitchen. All of the sudden, she remembers everything that happened last night. She gets up and walks slowly towards the kitchen.

She enters the room the moment Justin hangs up.

“ _Good morning._ ” She tells him.

He turns around and smiles at her.

“ _Hey._ ”

“ _Was that..._ ” She begins to asks.

“ _Lainie._ ” Justin answers before she finishes.

“ _Oh._ ” She simply answers.

“ _I have an appointment this morning._ ” He explains.

“ _That's good. I can drop you off at home if you want._ ” She offers.

Justin nods, but doesn’t say anything. She can see he’s worried.

“ _What is it?_ ”

“ _Nothing. Don’t worry._ ”

Jessica rolls her eyes at him.

“ _Tell me. What is it?_ ”

“ _Last night. I mentioned Alex, but I forgot about… Diego._ ”

“ _I didn’t sleep with him._ ”

Justin shakes his head.

“ _He said..._ ”

“ _He lied._ ”

Justin sighs, relieved.

“ _But… The two of you are together right?_ ”

“ _We aren’t. We haven’t been since the party._ ”

Justin can’t help the smile that forms on his lip.

“ _So..._ ” He says as he walks closer to her.

“ _So..._ ” Jessica closes the gap and bring her lips closer to his, but Justin places his hand between them to stop her.

“ _Are you sure?_ ” He asks.

Jessica smiles at him, places her hands on both sides of his face and brings him into a kiss.

“ _More than anything._ ” She says once the kiss ends.

“ _It won’t be easy._ ” He says with worry.

“ _When has it ever been easy with us?_ ” Jessica asks with a big smile on her lips.

Justin looks at her with love.

“ _I hasn’t, but you can’t fight against what your heart wants right?_ ”

“ _I think be both know we can’t._ ”

Justin nods and places a kiss on her lips before he wraps his arms around her. She buries her head in his chest.

“ _Where did you sleep last night?_ ” She asks.

“ _On a chair._ ” He chuckles.

“ _What?_ ” She looks up at him.

“ _Your couch is pretty small for two people._ ” He jokes.

“ _You could have used my bed._ ” She answers with a giggle.

“ _It didn’t feel right without you._ ” He answers against her lips before kissing her again.

This time the kiss deepens, but Jessica takes a step back and places her hand on his chest.

“ _As amazing as this is, I need to get your ass home._ ”

Justin chuckles.

“ _Okay. I guess I don’t have a choice._ ”

Jessica turns back to look at him with a serious look.

“ _No you don’t. Not about this._ ”

“ _I’m… I’m sorry. I was joking._ ”

“ _You’re lucky you’re cute._ ” Jessica jokes and she takes his hand to lead him to the exit.

She parks in front of the Jensens.

“ _Do you need me to come with you?_ ”

“ _No. I need you to go to class and try to enjoy your day without thinking about this.”_

“ _I’m not sure I can, but I’ll try._ ”

“ _Okay. I’ll see you later then?_ ”

“ _You will._ ” Jessica answers him with a smile.

She sees how anxious he looks so she takes his hand.

“ _Hey. I’m sure it’s going to be fine._ ” She tells him as much to reassure him as it is to reassure herself.

“ _What if it’s not?_ ”

“ _Then we’ll figure this out._ ”

Justin nods, but he’s not convinced.

“ _You’re a survivor. You’ll survive this too._ ”

He kisses her on the cheek before exiting her car.

Jessica looks at him until he has entered the warmth of his home.

She places a hand on her stomach.

_I’ll tell him tonight, once I’m sure he’s going to be okay._

She sighs deeply. As worried as she is about Justin and his appointment, she also feels happier than she has for months. 


	83. The Breath Of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Lost Under Heaven – The Breath Of Light

Alex arrives in class and is happy to see Jessica sitting there.

“ _Hey._ ” He greets her as he takes the seat next to her.

“ _Hi._ ”

“ _You didn’t come back to school yesterday._ ”

“ _Yeah, something came up._ ”

“ _Did you find him?_ ”

Jessica is confused, so Alex explains.

“ _Justin. I didn’t see him at school either._ ”

“ _Yeah, I did._ ”

Alex can see the worry that appeared in Jessica’s eyes as soon as he mentioned the boy.

“ _Is everything okay?_ ”

“ _Sure. Everything’s fine.”_

“ _Do you know what the meeting is about?_ ”

“ _The meeting? What meeting?_ ”

“ _Clay. He texted the group chat. He wants all of us to meet for lunch at Rosie’s. Apparently there’s something he wants to tell us._ ”

“ _I… no. I haven’t really checked my phone since last night._ ”

Jessica takes out her phone and reads Clay’s text.

“ _Do you have any idea what this could be about?_ ” Alex asks her.

“ _I really don’t._ ”

_Is this about Justin? Is Clay going to tell everyone about it? No, he wouldn’t right? So, what is this all about?_

“ _I’m driving there with Charlie. Do you want to come with us?”_

“ _Uhm… sure.”_

The teacher enters the classroom and they stop their conversation.

Jessica puts her phone on her desk, where she can keep an eye on it, in case she receives some news from Justin.

Pretty quick, she’s not listening to any word the teacher is saying.

Last night, she was so happy that Justin came back to her and opened up to her that she didn’t really process the information. This morning, she saw how worried he was and she did her best to reassure him. Now, she’s getting worried. Is he really going to be fine? What does it mean for her? For the baby? She’s gonna have to tell Alex because he needs to get tested. So does she. How does it work? Why did Clay asked for meeting? What is he going to tell them? Is he okay? Is Zach okay? She didn’t talk to him yesterday after she dropped him to school and this morning he’s not in class.

She shakes her head, trying to bring her mind back to the teacher’s voice when she smells Diego’s perfume. He’s seating behind her and she didn’t think it was possible to hate a smell that much. She can feel his eyes on her, she can smell his perfume and hear him breathing. Her body’s reaction is visceral and she feels sick. She feels stuck in this chair, forced to be this close to him. She brings her hand to her mouth and tries her best to control her body. 

* * *

After the class ends, she almost runs out of the classroom. She won’t try to attend a second. Right now, she needs to look up some information online. She needs some answers. She makes her way down to the cave and sits on one of the chair, her legs shaking. She looks up when she realizes there’s someone else in the room with her, the person she run away from.

“ _What do you want?_ ”

“ _Just to talk._ ” Diego answers.

“ _I have nothing to say to you.”_

“ _Then you can listen.”_

Jessica scoffs, annoyed by him.

“ _I heard Bryce’s tape._ ”

“ _Yeah, pretty much everyone did._ ”

“ _I’m not talking about this tape. I’m talking about the one he made for you._ ”

“ _What the fuck are you talking about?_ ”

“ _I think you know. I think I’m starting to understand who you are now.”_

“ _Really? Enlighten me then._ ”

“ _I think you use people, boys. Like you used me. I think you used someone to kill Bryce as well and it’s not hard to figure who it could be. Fucking Foley.”_

“ _You’re wrong.”_

“ _Really? Because Bryce was his brother and you turned him against him. You forced him to testify against him. He even ended up in jail because of you.”_

“ _Fuck you.”_

“ _I tried,_ _at the party,_ _but again, one of your boys saved your ass.”_

“ _That’s what I thought. You’re not sorry at all right?”_

“ _You only got what you deserved.”_

“ _I hoped I was wrong, but you ended up being just a fucking rapist, just like Bryce and just like Monty.”_

Diego’s anger pours out of him and he throws one of the stools to the ground as he walks closer to her. At the same time, she gets up and takes a few steps back.

“ _Diego!_ ” Winston calls his name to stop him.

“ _This ain’t over._ ” Diego scoffs and threatens Jessica again before he leaves.

Jessica stays paralyzed a few seconds during which Winston picks up the stool and replaces it under the table.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” He asks her.

Jessica snaps out of it and sits back down again.

“ _What? Is this your new game? Good-cop, bad cop?_ ”

“ _It isn’t._ ”

“ _Why are you here?_ ”

“ _I saw Diego follow you down here and I thought it would be best if I followed him too._ ”

Jessica shakes her head, tired of playing this game, tired to have to make sense of every single thing he says to her.

“ _Listen, I’m only working with him to get the truth. That doesn’t make me his friend.”_

“ _So?_ ”

“ _Two nights ago I saw how violent he could be. I’m glad I decided to follow him._ ”

“ _I guess you were there the night he beat up Zach?_ ”

“ _Yeah, I...I didn’t think it was going to go this far._ ”

“ _Welcome to Liberty fucking High._ ” Jessica says with sarcasm.

“ _What happened at the party?_ ”

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _I heard Diego talk. Did something happen?_ ”

“ _It was a party. Many things happened._ ”

“ _Jessica.”_ Winston says in a soft voice as he tries to take her hand. She moves it away from him.

“ _I never told you why I joined HO._ ”

“ _Why? Wasn’t it just to spy on me?”_

“ _It wasn’t... It’s not._ ”

Jessica looks up at him, sensing the honesty in his voice for a change.

“ _I already told you I was there at the Assemble. What you probably didn’t see is that I stood up t_ _o_ _o that day._ ” 

“ _I’m sorry._ ” She offers him.

“ _Me too._ ”

“ _Do you want to talk about it?_ ” She asks.

“ _Do you?_ ”

Winston offers her an understanding smile.

“ _You should go to class._ ” She tells him.

“ _What about you?_ ”

“ _No. I… I think I’m going to go to the library. I have some research to do.”_

“ _Okay. Just… if you change your mind and you want to talk about it, I’m here. We should be able to put our differences aside when it comes to this._ ”

“ _Thank you. After all, you joined HO as an ally at first._ ”

Winston nods and leaves.

Jessica feels bad. Winston really is a nice person. All he wants is the truth about the man he loved and lost. She’s the bad guy in this story. She doesn’t have time to dwell on it, she has many questions that need answers. 


	84. Red Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Suuns – Red Song

When the bell rings, Jessica gathers her stuff and joins the parking lot where she knows Alex and Charlie are going to be waiting for her.

They are indeed waiting by Charlie’s car.

“ _Hey Jessica._ ” Charlie greets her.

“ _Hey Cookie._ ” She responds, but she sees Alex staring at her.

“ _Where did you disappear_ _to_ _?_ ”

“ _I went to the library. I had to finish a paper for this afternoon._ ” She lies.

Alex doesn’t seem to believe her so she cuts the conversation short.

“ _Should we go? Knowing Clay, he’s already waiting for us.”_

“ _Yeah, let’s go._ ” Charlie enthusiastically answers.

When they drive off, Jessica takes out her phone. She hasn’t got any news from Justin and it worries her. She considers texting him, but she knows she should wait for him to contact her so she puts it back in her pocket. 

* * *

When they arrive at the dinner, Zach is already there, sipping on a milkshake.

They sit down with him and it doesn’t take long before Charlie says something to the boy.

“ _Skipping school again?_ ”

“ _Oh yeah, milkshakes are way more appealing.”_

Alex shakes his head, disapproving his choices.

Jessica stares at the entrance. Why isn’t Clay there already? It doesn’t seem like him. She takes out her phone from her pocket again, but sighs when she doesn’t see any new text. When she looks up, Tony and Tyler have joined them.

“ _What is this all about?_ ” Tony asks.

“ _No clue man.”_ Zach answers in a detached tone.

The waiter arrives and takes their order.

Jessica only orders a glass of water. She doesn’t feel well and she can’t eat anything, not until she knows Justin is okay. Zach looks at her once the waiter leaves their table and without a word, she understands he asks her if she’s okay. She discretely shakes her head, allowing him to know something is wrong. He responds with a worried look, but Tyler speaks and everyone turns to look at him.

“ _Clay wasn’t at school this morning. Do you think he’s okay?_ ”

“ _His parents don’t want him back to school just yet, but I’m sure he’s going to be fine._ ” Jessica tries to reassure him.

“ _Well, he didn’t respond to my text, I don’t know where the fuck he is._ ” Tony is annoyed that his friend is late. 

The waiter comes back with their orders.

Jessica can’t help it and taps nervously a spoon against her glass when she feels Zach’s hand on her knee. She offers him a small thankful smile. Alex, who is seated next to Zach notices it and is confused by the weird exchange between the two of them.

They eat their food and drink their milkshakes as they talk about silly stuff like movies and music. They quickly forget Clay stood them up because they don’t spend that many moments all together and it feels nice to do so. Jessica doesn’t forget and when her phone rings, her hands are shaking so much that she knocks over her glass which falls to the ground and breaks. She doesn’t even acknowledge it or her friend’s stare as she answers in a hurry.

“ _Hello?_ ”

\- - -

She keeps nodding, without saying a word and her friends are staring at her, trying to understand the situation.

\- - -

“ _I’ll… I’ll be there._ ”

She hangs up, grabs her bags and gets up, ready to leave. It looks like she has seen a ghost.

“ _Jess!_ ” Alex calls her, asking for an explanation.

Jessica looks at all of them, but she has no idea what to say.

“ _I… I have to go._ ” She has trouble forming a sentence.

“ _I_ _drove_ _you here remember? Do you need me to drive you somewhere_ _else_ _?_ ” Charlie offers.

“ _No...I..._ ”

Zach catches her eyes with his and he understands.

“ _I’ll drive you._ ” He says as he gets up as well.

“ _Wait! Is Clay alright?_ ” Tony asks, regretting being angry at him for being late.

Jessica nods.

“ _Clay’s alright. It’s… Justin._ ” She explains, blankly before Zach puts a reassuring hand on her back and they exit the dinner together.

The four of them remaining at the dinner look at each other, trying to understand and worrying about Justin. All of their phone ring with a text from Clay.

“ _Can’t make it to Rosie. We can meet tonight at my house._ ”

A heavy silence takes the place of the happy conversation they had just moments ago.

* * *

“ _Where are we going?_ ” Zach asks once they arrive in his car.

“ _The hospital.”_

Zach turns to look at her, in shock. Jessica doesn’t add anything else, neither does she look at him so he drives off in a hurry.

“ _What happened?_ ” He asks anyway, extremely worried about his best friend.

“ _I… I don’t really know._ ”

“ _What do you know?_ ”

“ _He’s alive._ ” Jessica hangs on to the good part.

“ _But… why is he there?_ ” Zach tries to understand.

“ _I don’t know how much I can tell you. I don’t even know that much. All I can tell you is that he’s sick._ ”

“ _Sick?”_

“ _Listen Zach, I told you all you need to know for now okay? I know you’re worried, but Justin should decide what he wants you to know.”_

“ _I understand, but he’s going to be okay right?_ ”

“ _I hope so._ ” Jessica’s tone is full of dread.

Zach focuses back on the road and he doesn’t ask her anymore question until they arrive at the hospital’s parking lot.

“ _Do you want me to come with you? Or… I can wait for you here?_ ”

“ _Thank you Zach, but I think you should go to school. Just, don’t tell the others about this okay?_ ”

Zach nods, but has trouble understanding all the secrecy surrounding this. 


	85. You're All Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica arrives at the hospital and finds out what is wrong with Justin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : You're All Alone · John Swihart

When Jessica arrives in the waiting room, she sees Clay seated in a chair with his head in his hands. She takes a deep breath before she reaches him. She sits down in silence next to him, afraid to even ask. Clay notices her and immediately starts to explain.

“ _My parents are talking with the doctor right now. We’ll get more information once they’re back._ ”

“ _How did it go from a simple doctor’s appointment to the hospital?_ ”

“ _I wasn’t in the room with them so I don’t know everything. He has a fever and it wasn’t worrisome at first because it could be a symptom of withdrawal, but the doctor noticed something wrong with his breathing so he told us to bring him to the hospital for more exams in case it might be caused by something else.”_

Jessica nods and waits for him to continue.

“ _They did some tests and the doctor called my parents to speak with them. That’s when I called you. I’ve been waiting since then._ ”

“ _Did they say what else it could be?_ ”

“ _Not really. It might be many things._ ”

“ _Where is he now?_ ”

“ _I don’t know._ ”

Clay seems as defeated and clueless as she is.

“ _What about the HIV? What did they say about this?_ ”

“ _They need to do some tests too. After that, he’ll get a treatment._ ”

“ _He’s not going to get treated right away?_ ”

“ _He is, but they have to do some tests to see how far it has progressed._ ”

Jessica’s mouth opens, but she closes it immediately, not finding any appropriate answer. It has been months, maybe more and Justin wasn’t treated. Could this really have progressed? How far?

Clay falls silent too. He feels useless and completely unhelpful. He would love to help Jessica more, to explain more, but he can’t.

“ _Where you at Rosie’s when I called?_ ”

“ _I was._ ”

“ _What did you tell the other_ _s_ _?_ ”

“ _I…_ _I told them I had to leave. I didn’t explain why, but they know it’s about Justin. Zach drove me here, so he knows something’s wrong, but I didn’t tell him everything._ ”

“ _Why did you tell them it was about Justin?_ ” Clay gets angry.

“ _I… I don’t know. I panicked. I wasn’t expecting this and… I had to tell them something.”_

“ _And you told Zach he was in the hospital?”_ He asks in an accusatory tone.

“ _I’m sorry. He drove me here, but he won’t tell anybody.”_ She defends herself.

Before Clay can respond, his parents join them in the waiting room. The look on their face is really serious.

“ _Jessica.”_ Matt simply greets her and Lainie offers her a smile before they sit across them.

“ _What did he say?_ ” Clay asks.

“ _They did many tests since we arrived this morning. They had to test to see how far..._ ”

“ _We know that. What is wrong with him?_ ” Clay cuts his mom off.

“ _We won’t know until a few days how much the disease has progressed._ ” Matt explains.

“ _Clay told me the doctor found a problem with his breathing?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _Yes, that’s the main reason we came to the hospital right away.”_ Lainie answers her question.

Clay is getting frustrated. He knows his mother and he can see she’s trying to stall.

“ _What about it?_ ” He asks, tired of waiting.

“ _It turns out the fever is related to the trouble he has to breathe properly._ ” Matt explains.

“ _But… he never mentioned any trouble breathing..._ ” Jessica has trouble understanding it.

“ _He has a lung infection and the infection is causing the fever.”_ Lainie finally let’s out.

“ _That’s good right? All he need is some antibiotics and he’ll be okay._ ” Clay tries to reassure himself.

“ _It would be, if he wasn’t infected with HIV. This disease targets the immune system and weakens the body's defenses against infections, which means an infection is much more serious for him, especially since we don’t really know how HIV has already affected his body.”_ Lainie states the facts.

“ _So, what does it mean exactly? Is he going to be okay?”_ Jessica asks, more afraid than worried at this point.

“ _There’s no reason to think he won’t be. He’s going to be staying at the hospital for a few days. They are going to treat him for the infection and for HIV. They’re going to monitor him closely, to make sure his body is able to fight it._ ” Matt reassures them.

“ _Can we see him?_ ” Jessica asks, eager to do so.

Lainie offers her a sympathetic smile and Matt sighs before he responds to her.

“ _I’m sorry Jessica. Since they have no idea how badly his immune system is failing, they are going to put him in a complete sterile room and only family will be allowed to visit him, at least at first. We can’t take any risk.”_

“ _Oh. Sure. I understand._ ” She does, but she cannot hide her disappointment.

“ _The doctor is with him right now, explaining everything. We should join them. We wanted to let you know first._ ” Lainie ads, looking at Jessica.

“ _Do you want us to give him a message for you?_ ” Matt offers her.

Jessica is at a loss of words. Yes, there’s about a thousand things she’d like to tell him, but she doesn’t know where to start.

“ _Just… just tell him I’m here and that I’ll be waiting here for him._ ”

“ _Of course_. _We’ll let him know._ ” Lainie says.

Her and Matt stand up and begin to leave, but they stop to wait for Clay, who hasn’t stood up yet.

“ _If you want, you can go back to school. I’ll text you if there’s anything new.”_

Jessica looks at him, shocked by his offer.

“ _Never mind. I’ll tell him you’re here._ ” Clay immediately regrets suggesting it.

He stands up.

“ _Can you tell him..._ ” Jessica begins.

_I love him?_

Clay looks at her, but she doesn’t finish her thought.

“ _Never mind._ ” She finishes.

Clay nods, and his look lets her know he understands what she means.

He leaves her side and joins his parents to go see Justin.

Jessica watches them leave and she envies them. Justin is her family, and she’d give anything to be part of his right now. Somehow she ended up alone, again. Well, not exactly. She puts a hand on her stomach. She's not alone anymore. 


	86. Night Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Petit Biscuit - Night Trouble

Clay is surprised at all the steps and rules there is to follow before they’re allowed inside Justin’s room.

When they enter, the doctor looks at them.

“ _I’ve just finished explaining everything to Justin.”_

Clay didn’t expect to find his brother lying in a hospital bed, already in a hospital gown. There’s a tube piercing his wrist, filling his veins with some liquid, some medicine. Somehow, it makes him look more sick than he is, more sick than he realized he was.

“ _Do you have another question?_ ” The doctor asks Justin who shakes his head.

“ _If you have any, just press the button I showed you and a nurse will come and try to answer it for you. If she can’t, she’ll find me and I’ll come answer it myself as soon as I can. Okay?_ ”

Justin nods. He has questions, about a thousand, but he already got so many information today that he’s still trying to understand that he thinks it’s best to dwell on it for a while first.

The doctor exits and Lainie takes a few steps forward.

“ _How are you feeling?_ ”

“ _Weird. I didn’t think it was that bad. I mean, I knew HIV was bad, but I didn’t realize it may affect my body that much._ ”

“ _Don’t worry about it. Everyone here is going to make sure you’ll get better._ ” Lainie tries to reassure him.

Justin nods slightly, not convinced it will be that easy, based on what his doctor told him. There’s a chance he won’t get better. There’s a chance it might get worse, if his body isn’t strong enough anymore to fight the infection.

“ _Do you know where my phone is? I need to call Jess._ ”

“ _I already called her. She’s in the waiting room._ ” Clay says.

“ _As the doctor probably told you, this room is sterile and it’s extremely important to keep it that way. Only the three of us can visit you for the moment, but Jessica told us to let you know she was there and will be waiting for you._ ” Matt explains him.

Justin offers his father and brother a thankful smile.

“ _As for your phone, you won’t get it back for now. You can’t introduce anything in this room without it being a risk. That’s why we had to leave all of our things outside the door as well.”_ Lainie tries to be as clear as possible.

This makes Justin more worried than he was before. Not only, is he not allowed to see Jessica, he won’t even be able to communicate with her at all.

“ _Don’t worry kiddo. You won’t feel alone in here. We’ll find a way that one of us stays with you at all time. If you’d like of course._ ” Matt reassures him.

“ _Thank you._ ”

Matt, Lainie and Clay sit down on the chairs besides the bed. Like Justin, they don’t really know what to say.

“ _Jess shouldn’t stay waiting there alone. Maybe it would be best if she just goes back to school._ ” Justin tells them.

“ _I had the same idea, but believe me, she’s not going anywhere._ ” Clay responds.

A small smile appears on Justin’s face. He is happy to know that, once again, she’ll be here for him, but at the same time, he feels guilty for it.

* * *

Jessica spends the rest of the afternoon waiting to get some updates. Every hour, one of them comes to her to let her know there isn’t really any change. Between those updates, she searches for information about the disease on her phone. She’s trying to figure out if they’re going to be okay; Justin, her and the baby. The internet is a scary place when it comes to medical information.

Matt, Lainie and Clay spend the afternoon waiting too. Every hour, a nurse comes in and examine Justin, mostly to see if his temperature has lowered. So far it hasn’t. After that, one of them has the difficult task to let Jessica know he’s not getting better yet.

* * *

Around 6p.m., the doctor is back and he asks to speak to Justin alone. Clay would like to be able to object because he wants all the information there is too, but he can’t, so he and his parents exits the room.

The doctor takes Justin’s temperature and he explains to him

“ _The nurse has been monitoring you since you got here. So far, your fever hasn’t gone away._ ”

“ _But that was to be expected right? We knew I needed more time than most people to fight it._ ”

“ _That’s true. Now, that we know your body is not fighting it like it should, we need to discuss what we_ _we’re going to_ _do about it._ ”

Justin nods, waiting for more information.

“ _We’re going to start by giving you a stronger dose of antibiotics._ ”

“ _Start?_ ” He is getting worried.

“ _For now, we’re just going to increase the dosage. We’ll keep monitoring you every hour to see if the fever goes away.”_

“ _And if it doesn’t?”_

“ _Hopefully it will, but a lung infection is a serious thing and you’ll start to have more and more trouble breathing, until it’s properly treated.”_

“ _So, what then? What if the medicine doesn’t work?”_

“ _If the medicine doesn’t work for a few days and if the infection keeps getting worse, there is a chance we might have to intubate you, to give your body time to heal without putting you in danger as we figure out the right treatment.”_

Justin understands why the doctor wanted to talk to him alone now. Things are not looking good and he wants him to be prepared for it.

“ _Did you tell this to my parents?_ ”

“ _We didn’t. You’re old enough that we don’t have to tell them anything about your treatment, unless you’re allowing it. Do you want me to explain to them what I’ve just told you?_ ”

“ _No. I...I don’t want them to worry too much. I’ll tell them if it gets worse.”_

“ _Alright. Do you have any question?”_

“ _I know only my family can see me, but...”_

“ _I’m sorry Justin. Your parents told me about Jessica, but we can’t make any exception. It’s the law.”_

“ _I understand.”_

After that, the doctor leaves and his family is back in his room just a few minutes later.

* * *

“ _Visitations hours are almost over. One of us is allowed to spend the night in your room with you. Are you okay with Matt staying with you tonight?”_ Lainie asks him.

“ _Yeah, of course, but you don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay on my own._ ”

“ _Nonsense. No one should ever be alone in a hospital room._ ” Matt answers with a warm smile.

“ _Can I just talk to Justin alone before we leave?_ ” Clay asks his mother.

“ _Sure._ ” She responds, as she gets closer to Justin.

“ _I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to get some rest._ ”

She leans closer to him and drops a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“ _Goodnight Justin._ ”

“ _Goodnight_.” He answers with a smile.

“ _I’ll be waiting for you with Jessica._ ” Lainie tells Clay before she leaves the room with Matt.

* * *

When the door closes behind them, Justin stares at Clay who is fidgeting by his side.

“ _What’s wrong?_ ”

“ _I’m sorry Justin, I don’t want to bother you with anything right now, but I feel like I owe you the truth._ ”

“ _What’s wrong?_ ”

Clay sits down.

“ _I haven’t told this to anyone yet, but I’m going to tonight and it’s best if you know too._ ”

Justin nods, inviting him to continue.

“ _I’ve done some pretty fucked up shit when I was dissociating. The graffiti, the camping trip, … it was me._ ”

“ _Shit. Really?_ ”

“ _Yeah and I didn’t remember, but I do now. I’m going to tell the others tonight._ ”

Justin is still trying to understand it, so Clay continues.

“ _I’m so sorry. You probably didn’t need this with everything that is going on with you.”_

“ _Don’t be sorry. It’s not something you chose to do right?_ ”

“ _No! I mean, Dr. Ellman thinks that some part of me wanted it to happen, but I had no control over it._ ”

“ _Are you better now?_ ”

“ _I am.”_

“ _That’s all that matters. Everything you did, that wasn't really you._ ”

“ _I hope everyone is going to take it as well as you._ ”

“ _Well, I’m kind of an expert on doing fucked up shit, so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to judge you for this._ ”

Clay nods, thankful that his brother is so understanding.

“ _And I’m sure the others won’t get mad at you either. We’re all fucked up in a certain way._ ”

“ _That we are._ ” Clay jokes.

“ _What did the doctor tell you?_ ”

“ _Not much._ _Just that t_ _hey are going to give me stronger medicine._ ”

“ _Oh. Okay, good…_ _Justin, the others are probably going to ask about you. What do you want them to know?”_

Justin thinks about it for a few seconds.

“ _The truth.”_

Clay looks confused so Justin continues.

“ _Like you said, they are going to ask and they should know everything. They’re my friends and it wouldn’t be fair to let them worry. It wouldn’t be fair to you or Jess either to have to lie about it.”_

“ _Justin, this is about you. Not them, not us. If you’re not comfortable with them knowing, we don’t have to tell them anything._ ”

“ _No, I want to. But…_ ”

Clay can see he’s disturbed about something.

“ _What?”_

“ _Alex. He always hated me and now there’s a chance he might be sick because of me._ ”

“ _He doesn’t hate you.”_

Justin stares at Clay, who is not that oblivious.

“ _Okay, maybe he did, but that’s in the past and I think he was mostly jealous.”_

“ _Maybe, but I’m certain he won’t like me more after hearing that. You should tell him first. He’s more affected by this than the rest of them so he deserves a little heads up.”_

“ _Okay. I’ll talk to Jessica about this. This should probably come from her.”_

Justin nods. It probably should but he wished she didn’t have to do this because of him.

“ _Will you tell Jess something for me?_ ”

“ _Of course, as long as it’s not something dirty._ ”

Justin laughs.

“ _Don’t worry. Just… just tell her..._ ”

Justin feels weird to ask this of Clay.

“ _I’ll tell her. She asked me to tell you the same thing_ _bu the way_ _._ ” Clay answers, aware of the way they both feel.

“ _Are you sure? Because you kinda suck at giving messages apparently since you haven’t told me about this earlier._ ” Justin jokes.

“ _I will. It’s just… weird. What do you think her boyfriend might think about this?”_

“ _Well, since he’s the one lying in this bed right now, I’m sure he’ll be okay with it.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah.”_ Justin answers with a big smile.

“ _It’s about time._ ” Clay teases him.

Matt knocks on the door before he enters.

“ _I’m sorry boys, but Clay you have to go now._ ”

“ _I’ll see you tomorrow?_ ” He awkwardly asks Justin, in a true Clay Jensen’s style.

Justin chuckles.

“ _I’m not going anywhere. You definitely will._ ”

Clay hesitates a few seconds. Should he hug his brother goodbye? No, it’s weird enough already so he leaves the room with a simple wave.

* * *

Lainie, Jessica and Clay leave the hospital.

“ _Jessica, honey, do you want to have dinner with us?_ ”

“ _No...uhm...I’m not that hungry, but can you give me a ride to school?”_

“ _Of course._ ”

“ _What do you need to do at school this late?”_

Clay asks as they enter the car.

“ _I left my car there this morning._ ” She explains.

* * *

When Lainie parks on the high-school parking lot, Jessica’s car is the only car left.

“ _Thank you for the ride Mrs Jensen._ ”

“ _Please, call me Lainie._ ”

Jessica nods and exits the car.

Clay opens his door.

“ _Wait.”_

“ _I just need to talk to her really quick.”_ Clay explains his mother as he gets out of the car.

“ _Is something wrong?_ ”

“ _No… I mean, not more than you already know… I talked with Justin. He wants us to tell the others about him tonight.”_

Jessica sighs.

“ _Oh, okay. Sure.”_

“ _And… It’s probably best if you talk to Alex first.”_

“ _I think so too. I’ll pick him up before coming to your house. We’ll talk on the way.”_

“ _Ok_ _ay_ _. Cool.”_

Clay stays standing by her side, instead of going back inside the Prius.

“ _Is there something else?”_

“ _Yeah… Justin, he also asked me to let you know that… he does too.”  
_Clay has never been one to be confident to talk about feelings, especially love.

“ _Thanks… for the message… and for telling him._ ”

“ _You’re welcome. I’m glad you two are back together._ ”

“ _He told you?_ ”

“ _Yeah, and I have to say I wasn’t that surprised. It was only a matter of time._ ”

Jessica nods with a big smile.

“ _I’ll see you later then?_ ”

“ _Sure._ ” She answers, before walking to her car.

Lainie drives off once Clay is seated back into the passenger seat.

* * *

When she makes it to her car, Jessica feels a panic attack coming. The window of the driver’s side is covered with blood. She closes her eyes and counts to five, hoping it will be gone once she reopens them, but it isn’t. She carefully brings her hand against the glass to touch it. It is real. _You only got what you deserved._ Diego’s words replay in her mind. Did he do that? Is this what he wants? To finish what he started, or is it just another way to taunt her? Could it be Winston? The party was at his house. Maybe he saw it happen. She doesn’t know what or who to believe anymore. She takes a tissue from her bag and tries to wipe the window clean. It doesn’t work that well, but it will be enough to allow her to drive safely. This day feels like it’s never going to end. She can’t believe it was just this morning that she was kissing Justin and laughing with him in her kitchen. Now she has to stop by the car wash on her way home. No, she doesn’t have time. She won’t make it home. After the fake-blood is gone from her window, she’ll have to talk to Alex. After that, they’ll go to Clay together. What happens after that? She fears whatever this day may still have in store. 


	87. Love Will Come Trough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica talks to Alex about Justin's diagnosis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Travis - Love Will Come Trough

Jessica knocks on the door of the Standall’s house. It opens to reveal Alex’s father.

“ _Hello Jessica._ ” He greets her with a warm tone.

“ _Hello._ ” Her response is a little bit colder.

“ _How are you doing?_ ”

“ _I’m fine sir. Thank you. Is Alex here?_ ”

“ _Sure. He’s in his bedroom. Did you come to pick him up to go to Clay’s?_ ”

“ _Uhm… Yeah, I did._ ” She answers with a smile.

“ _Well, come inside.”_ He invites her in.

Jessica enters the house and it feels nice to be here, it feels warm.

“ _You should go upstairs._ _He’s back to music so he may not hear us calling him anyway._ ”

“ _He is?_ ” Jessica asks with a smile, happy to learn her best friend is back to his old hobby.

“ _Yeah, he started playing again. It’s going to take some time until he’s as good as he was, but he’s putting in the work._ ”

“ _That’s great._ ” She comments as she starts going up the stairs.

* * *

When she approaches the door, she listens to the sound coming from inside Alex’s bedroom and a smile forms on her lips. She just waits behind the door a few more seconds, trying to enjoy the moment before she has to snap back to reality. She has to knock three times before Alex opens the door.

“ _Hey._ ” He greets her, a little surprise to see her here.

“ _Hi. Can I come in?_ ”

Alex puts his guitar on the floor against his desk and sits to his bed as a way to invite her in.

She closes the door on her way in and leans against his dresser.

“ _Are you here to finally tell me what the hell is going on with you? And Justin?_ ”

“ _Yeah… I have a lot to tell you._ ”

She looks to the ground, not knowing where to start.

“ _Is he okay?_ ” Alex asks, knowing well he probably isn’t, based on the way Jessica looks.

“ _Not really… no._ ”

“ _What happened to him?_ ”

Jessica sighs and sits beside Alex as she begins her story.

“ _Last night, he came to see me. He told me the real reason he broke up with me… It turns out he found out he was sick when he arrived to the rehab center last November._ ”

Alex looks at her and tries his best not to appear worry.

“ _He…_ ” Jessica closes her eyes for a second and breathes deeply. It’s hard to say it out loud, harder than she thought it would be. “ _… He tested positive for HIV._ ”

“ _Oh._ ” Alex responds, trying to understand.

“ _He didn’t get treated for it. He is now. He also has a lung infection. This is causing a fever and the doctors are trying to get the fever down, because it would mean the infection is healing, but his body has been weakened by HIV and..._ ” She let’s out rapidly.

“ _Jess._ ” Alex cuts her off. “ _Just… slow down. Where is he now?_ ”

“ _In the hospital. They are keeping him in a sterile room since his immune system is basically fucked up._ ”

“ _Because of the HIV?_ ” Alex tries to understand everything.

“ _Yeah._ ” She sighs, again.

“ _And he has a lung infection?_ ”

“ _He does._ ”

“ _What does it mean for you? Could you have it too?_ ”

“ _Yeah… I could. I need to get tested and… I’m so sorry Alex, but you have to get tested too.”_

“ _I can, but didn’t he get infected because of needles? If that’s the case, I should be fine since he wasn't shooting up before he left town. When he came back, the two of us were together and we broke up before the two of you started dating again right?_ ”

Jessica’s guilt pushes her to avoid his gaze. She never told him about Spring Fling, but now is probably the time to do so.

“ _I’m so sorry...”_

“ _Really?_ ” Alex immediately understands. “ _When?_ ”

“ _The night of Spring Fling. I..._ ”

“ _We were together that night._ ” Alex tries to remember the night in question.

“ _I know. We were. I just saw him left the room and he didn’t look fine so I followed him to the locker-room… just to talk...but...”_

“ _You ended up sleeping with him?”_ Alex is getting upset.

“ _Yeah… I… I’m really really sorry._ ”

“ _Wow. I didn’t think that night could get worse._ ”

“ _I’m sorry it happened and I’m sorry I was too coward to tell you about it. You deserved the truth and..._ ”

“ _I did!_ ” Alex’s tone is cold.

“ _I know and I’m not asking you to forgive me. It’s just best if you know, especially now._ ”

Alex nods, trying to figure out how he feels about it.

“ _I… I can’t act like this is all good. Did you sleep with him more than once?_ ”

“ _No, it was just this one time. I didn’t sleep with him again until the two of us were broken up._ ”

“ _Is this why you broke up with me. To go back to him?_ ”

Jessica didn’t expect this question. She takes a few seconds to ponder it, before she answers.

“ _I didn’t broke up with you with the idea of getting back together with Justin. I knew that I had already cheated on you and it didn’t feel fair to you because deep down I knew I was still in love with him._ ”

“ _Well, I’ll need some time before I can forgive you, but I will. I’m happy with Charlie now so in the end it was for the best._ ”

“ _About that… does Charlie need to get tested too?_ ”

“ _No. We… we didn’t go that far.”_

Jessica nods.

“ _I didn’t have a chance to tell you this before, but I’m really happy for the both of you. You deserve someone who loves you completely and Charlie is pretty great. Charlie is really lucky to have you too. You two are the kindest people I know and you make a really amazing couple._ ”

Alex smiles when Jessica talks about him.

“ _He’s pretty great. I wouldn’t say he got lucky with me...”_

“ _He did. Alex, you’re a great friend and I know you’re an amazing boyfriend too. You were perfect with me, but..._ ”

“ _But you just didn’t love me?_ ”

“ _I did… I do. I love you, but...”_

“ _You’re IN love with Justin.”_

“ _Yeah, I am.”_

“ _Don’t worry. I understand that now. I think the two of us needed each other after what we’ve been through, but we were never really in love.”_

Jessica nods, happy they finally talked about this.

“ _Do you know how it works. The test?_ ” Alex changes the subject.

“ _Kind of. You should probably do your own research if you want complete information_ _so_ _._ ”

“ _Where can we get it done?_ ”

“ _How about we do it together? I’m the reason you have to take it in the first place._ ”

“ _I’d like that._ ”

He extends his hand to hers.

“ _FML forever?_ ”

She places her hand on top of his.

“ _FML forever._ ”


	88. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay tells his friends about everything he did and about Justin's condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fear - Sleeping At Last

Clay is surprised to see that Zach is the first of his friends to arrive when he opens the door to the outhouse.

“ _Hey_.”

“ _Hey._ ”

Clay moves aside to let him in.

Zach walks inside and makes his way to sit at the table.

“ _You’re… early._ ” Clay comments.

“ _Yeah… I feel like this is important._ ” He tells him as his eyes spot Justin’s empty bed.

Clay opens the door to the fridge and offers Zach a soda can.

They both stay quiet, not really knowing what to say.

“ _Are you feeling better?_ ” Zach finally asks.

“ _I am._ ” 

“ _That’s good._ ”

Clay nods and is relieved when someone else knocks on the door.

Tyler and Tony joins Zach around the table.

“ _What is this about?_ ” Tony asks Clay.

“ _I think we should wait for the others._ ”

“ _How’s Justin?_ ” Tyler asks.

“ _I… I think it’s best if we wait for the others._ ” Clay tells them again.

They all look at him, worried by the seriousness of his tone.

The door opens and Charlie, Alex and Jessica enter the room.

Two of them look pretty serious too.

“ _I didn’t know what kind of meeting this was, so I opted for simple chocolate chips cookies.”_ Charlie announces as he puts a box filled with them on the table.

When he sees his friends looking at him without the smiles his cookies usually brings, his smile drops. Clay walks up to his bed and sits with a sigh.

They all find a place to sit in the outhouse. Zach, Tony and Tyler sit at the table. Charlie and Alex sit on the couch. Jessica is the only one still standing. There’s a seat available on Justin’s bed, but she can’t bring herself to sit there, so she stays standing up, against the kitchen counter. If she could go further away from Justin’s bed, she would.

“ _The reason why I asked all of you to come is because I know who painted the admin doors at school and … everything else._ ” Clay begins.

“ _Who?_ ” Tyler asks.

“ _It was me. I did all that._ ”

His friends look at him, but not with anger, it’s more like pity, which somehow doesn’t make Clay feel better.

“ _I was dissociating. I didn’t realize I was doing all that while I was doing it. It just came back to me during a therapy session with Dr. Ellman._ ”

“ _Are you still dissociating?_ ” Alex asks without judgment.

“ _No. I haven’t been since I got diagnosed. I’m on medication and so far it has helped a lot.”_

“ _How are you feeling now?_ ” Charlie asks.

“ _Better. I’m still not great, but I’m better and I’ll be back to school Monday… if I can.”_

“ _I’m sorry man. I had no idea things were that bad for you.”_ Tony offers him.

Clay looks up and realizes his friends looks show more guilt than pity now.

“ _Don’t be. I hid it from you guys and I hid it from myself too.”_

“ _Did you give Bryce’s tape to Diego?_ ” Jessica asks.

Everyone turns to look at her, not knowing about this until now.

“ _I gave it to Winston. I’m so sorry._ ” Clay apologizes.

“ _It’s okay. The cops already have it anyway so…_ ” She falls silent.

“ _Where the hell is Justin?”_ Zach asks, frustrated. It’s the only reason he came over. He thought Clay was going to tell them how he was. He couldn’t care less about Diego, Winston and fucking Bryce.

Jessica looks down. She doesn't want to tell the story anymore tonight.

When the silence sets in, they all turn to Clay.

Jessica looks up and stares at the cookies on the table.

“ _I’m going to tell you about Justin, but you have to promise me it won’t leave this room.”_

“ _Of course Clay, you know we keep each others secrets._ ” Tony is the only one to reply.

The others nod, agreeing to both Clay and Tony.

“ _He’s in the hospital. He’s being treated for a lung infection and HIV._ ”

Some of them opens their mouth, trying to make sense of this, others just shake their head. The sound made by the box of cookie being slide on the table is the only noise in the room. They all turn to look at Jessica who opens the box and takes one. She ignores them and begins to eat.

“ _When did he find out?_ ” Tony asks Clay.

They all stare back at him, waiting for an answer, except Zach who keeps looking at Jessica.

“ _A few months ago._ ”

“ _Is he going to be okay?_ ” Tyler asks.

“ _He should be._ ” Clay keeps his answer short, not wanting to go into details about it.

“ _When does he get out of the hospital?_ ” It’s Charlie’s turn to ask a question.

“ _We don’t know. Once he’s better,_ _o_ _nce the infection his gone._ ”

Jessica finishes her cookie and takes another one, focusing on eating instead of the words coming out of everyone’s mouths.

“ _Should we like… visit him or…?_ ” Alex asks.

“ _You can’t. Me and my parents are the only ones aloud in his room. You can’t text or call him either. His immune system is pretty fragile and the best way to protect him is to keep him in a complete sterile environment. So… no phone and no visitors.”_

Zach stares to Jessica gets softer. He feels bad for her.

“ _What do we do now?_ ” Zach finally asks, looking at Jessica, his question addressed to her.

Jessica ignores him and goes for a third cookie. Zach takes her arm to stop her and snap her out of it.

“ _We wait. It’s the only thing we can do._ ” She tells him blankly before she brings the cookie up to her mouth.

They all stare at her, worried about her but also judging her detached way at the moment.

“ _There’s nothing we can really do about it._ ” Clay ads.

“ _And about Diego and Winston?_ ” Tony asks.

Jessica chuckles and they look back at her, surprised by the way she acts tonight.

“ _There’s nothing to do about it either…”_ She responds to Tony.

“… _but you’re all safe don’t worry._ ” She reassures her friends.

_I’m not._

The conversation doesn’t end there, but this is where Jessica stops listening completely.At some point she wonders how many cookies she already ate, but keeps eating anyway. She counts every bite she takes and focuses on that.

* * *

“ _Do you need a ride home?_ ”

She snaps out of it when Zach talks directly to her.

“ _No, I’m okay. Thanks._ ”

She lost count, so she restarts from the beginning.

_One… two … three…_

Tony offers a ride to Charlie and Alex, sensing Clay wants to talk to Jessica.

_Four… five…_

Jessica reaches to the box again, but Clay grabs it before she can.

“ _Are you fucking kidding me?_ ” Clay almost yells at her.

She looks up to him and realizes everyone else has left.

“ _You could have shown a little more interest don’t you think?_ ”

“ _You didn’t need me to tell them._ ” She simply states.

“ _That’s not what I’m talking about._ _You knew about the tape, why didn’t you say something before?_ ”

“ _Because it doesn’t matter. It won’t change anything anyway._ ”

Clay accepts her reasoning, even if he doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t understand why she detached herself from the conversation once Justin got involved.

“ _Do you want to talk about it?_ ”

“ _About what?_ ”

“ _Justin._ ”

She shakes her head.

“ _I’m good._ ”

“ _I can see that. Aren’t you worried?_ ”

Jessica chuckles. Did he really just asked her that?

“ _Are you going to say something?_ ” He raises his voice.

“ _What do you want me to say?_ ”

“ _Anything! Just...something!_ ”

“ _Whatever.”_ Jessica gets up, ready to leave.

“ _You do realize he’s in there because of you right?_ ” Clay asks when she’s almost at the door.

She takes it. He is right and she has thought about it. She takes a deep breath to regain her composure before she turns back to look at him.

“ _Thanks Clay, it did occur to me._ ”

Clay feels bad for telling her this, but he’s angry his brother’s life might be in danger and it’s easier to blame Jessica than the way the world works.

“ _I didn’t mean...”_

“ _Yes, you did.”_ Jessica cuts him off before she leaves and slaps the door on her way out.

When she arrives by her car, she sees Zach waiting in his, probably for her, his window down.

“ _Just leave me alone Zach._ ” She tells him as she walks by his car.

Zach gets out his car to try to stop her, but she enters hers anyway and drives off, angry at herself for everything she ever did. 


	89. Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : M83 – Wait

Saturday is no different than Friday was. Jessica spends the morning in the waiting room of the hospital. Clay doesn’t leave Justin’s room until lunch time. His dad and him make their way to the waiting room, but only Matt comes to sit with her. Clay stays back and just gives her a nod as a way to greet her.

“ _Still no change.”_ Matt informs her.

“ _We’re on our way too the cafeteria. Do you want to come with us?_ ” He asks.

“ _No, I’m good. Thank you._ ”

“ _Okay_.” Matt is worried about her, but there’s not much he can do so he gets up and joins Clay.

Jessica looks back down at her laptop on her lap. It’s way easier to search information like this than it was with her phone yesterday. She found a clinic where Alex and her could get tested. She sends him a text with the information when her mom calls her. She rejects the call. She can’t answer in here and she really doesn’t want to leave. She’ll call her back later.

* * *

“ _What happened between you two?”_ Matt asks his son once they sit down with their food.

“ _Nothing_.”

“ _You haven’t spoken two words to each other since yesterday and you avoided updating her all morning._ ”

Clay plays with his food. He actually feels guilty for the way he treated her last night and he’s ashamed so he avoids her. He was glad not to have to be the one to tell her the truth too.

“ _Did you tell her?_ ” Clay asks his father.

“ _No, I didn’t. I told her there was nothing knew, but I didn’t mention he was getting worse._ ”

“ _He tries to hide it, but it’s pretty noticeable_ _that he_ _has trouble breathing and… it’s hard to actually hear it when he speaks._ ”

“ _I know buddy. He’s not the only one trying to hide his suffering instead of being open about it you know?_ ”

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _I know I used to do it too, but not anymore._ ”

“ _Maybe you could talk to your brother then, let him know it’s not necessary to act like everything’s okay when it’s most definitely not._ ”

“ _I don’t know. I think I’m even more afraid to know how he really is doing.”_

“ _That’s understandable, but don’t forget he needs us right now, more than ever before._ ”

Clay nods.

On their way back to Justin’s room, they notice Jessica has left.

* * *

“ _Hi mom. I’m sorry, I was downstairs and I forgot my phone in my bedroom._ ”

Jessica calls her mom from her car, parked outside of Alex’s house.

“ _I know_ _, I just… didn’t have much to tell you. How’s Seattle?”_

“ _Yeah, I’ll come visit you. It’s just hard with school right now, I have a lot_ _of_ _work._ ”

“ _No, I miss them too._ ”

“ _I know you gave me money for the plane ticket._ ”

“ _The interview?_ ”

“ _Yes, it went great._ ”

“ _We’ll get the answer on Monday._ ”

“ _Of course, I’ll call you._ ”

“ _Hi dad._ ”

“ _No, I told you I’m fine on my own. Like I said, I have a lot of work anyway so..._ ”

Jessica sees Alex coming out of his house.

“ _Don’t worry, I will. I’ve got to go now, Alex is coming over to work on a project. I’ll call you Monday._ ”

“ _Bye.”_

Jessica hangs up just when Alex opens the door to sit in her car.

“ _How is he doing?_ ”

“ _Not great._ ”

They drive off and she hands him her phone.

Alex takes it and looks at her, confused.

“ _Just in case they call._ ”

Alex nods, understanding.

Jessica is focused on the road when her phone vibrates with a new text. Alex looks at it, in case it might be Clay.

Zach : _Don’t worry about last night, I understand. Do you want to talk about it?_

Alex looks up at Jessica. The two of them are hiding something.

“ _Did you talk to Zach since last night?_ ” He asks.

“ _No, I haven’t. Why?_ ”

“ _Just curious. Seems the two of you got closer lately._ ”

“ _We did.”_

“ _How did that happen?”_

“ _We’re friends, why should have something happened?”_ She gets defensive.

Alex catches that, but he doesn’t ask more questions.

“ _Forget it. Are you nervous about the test?_ ”

“ _I am._ ”

“ _Of course you are, it was a dumb question.”_

“ _You?_ ”

“ _A little bit, but I’m sure we’ll both be fine.”_ He tries to reassure her.

* * *

“ _When are you hearing back from colleges?”_ Lainie asks her sons, trying to push them to think of something exciting.

“ _Monday.”_ Clay answers.

“ _If I’m still in here… I won’t even be able to get the news._ ”

“ _Of course you will. We can tell you._ ” Matt corrects Justin.

“ _I know, but… I won’t have the option to open the envelop… or read the email myself like I wanted to._ ”

“ _What if we wait? Both of us?_ ” Clay asks his brother.

“ _What do you mean?_ ”

“ _If I get an envelop or an email, I won’t look at it until you’re out of the hospital. Once you do, we’ll open them up together._ ”

“ _That would be nice._ ” Justin answers with a thankful smile.

“ _I’ll have to hide them if we receive any. I’m afraid your mom might cheat._ ” Matt jokes.

“ _If this is what the boys want, I’ll wait._ ” Lainie answers.

* * *

Alex is the first one to get called in by the doctor. Jessica begins to tap her foot anxiously. She’s the reason he’s here. Just as she’s the reason Justin ended up in the hospital. Why does she have to create chaos for everyone around her? Maybe her family did the right thing by moving away from her.

* * *

Justin can’t hide his disappointment, when he sees the look on his nurse’s face. The fever hasn’t lowered and he can feel it. It started this morning, when he woke up to cough for what felt like a whole minute. Now his breath is getting shorter and he has trouble finishing his sentences. He lied to Clay and his parents. He doesn’t want to know about college because he doesn’t want to hope he’ll be able to go when there’s a chance he might drop dead the next day. He doesn’t want any hope, not until he’s sure he’s going to survive this.

* * *

_Negative_. Jessica almost breaks down in tears when she hears the news. It means she’s okay, so is the baby. She cannot celebrate just yet, she still has no idea how it went for Alex. When she opens the door of the examination office, she sees him get up from a chair.

“ _Negative_.” He informs her.

A small smile forms on her lips.

“ _Me too._ ”

She sees him getting closer to her, probably to hug her and she really doesn’t want anyone to touch her so she speaks before he reaches her.

“ _You should call Charlie from the car. He’ll be relieved._ ”

She takes out her phone, but quickly remembers she can’t call Justin, or anyone in his family. If there is anything, they’ll let her know. She sights as she enters her car.

* * *

“ _You’ve got a text from Clay._ ” Alex informs her after they’ve been driving for about an hour.

“ _Read it._ ” She orders him.

“ _Where are you?_ ”

“ _Call him._ ”

“ _Me? I… okay._ ”

“ _Hey Clay. - - - - - No, she’s driving. Is something wrong?_ ”

Jessica has a hard time keeping her eyes on the road.

“ _\- - - - We’re still about an hour away from Evergreen. - - - -_ ”

She notices Alex getting upset and she has to fight against the urge to just take the phone away from him.

“ _\- - - No, we went to a clinic to get tested. - - -_ ”

Jessica rolls her eyes, of course Clay thought she was gone without a good reason.

“ _\- - - We’re both fine. - - - Yeah, me too. - - - - I’ll tell her and she’ll text you. - - - Bye._ ”

He hangs up and begins to explain immediately.

“ _They wanted to update you, but got scared when they didn’t find you. Visiting hours will be done_ _by the time we’ll_ _reach Evergreen so you should stop by his house._ ”

“ _Something’s wrong._ ”

“ _He didn’t say that._ ” Alex tries to reassure her.

“ _He didn’t say I should text him, he said I should come over. It means it’s bad news._ ”

Alex can’t go against this logic.

“ _Do you want me to take over?_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _Do you want me to drive?_ ”

“ _No… I’_ _m_ _fine._ ”

Maybe if she says it enough, it might become true.


	90. Your Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Xu Xu Fang – Your Way

~~~~Clay is waiting for Jessica in his room. He’s pacing back and forth, afraid to tell her and still pretty ashamed of the way he treated her. He hears a knock on the door and slowly walks to the door to let her in.

Jessica enters and none of them knows how to act with one another anymore so the room stays silent.

Jessica leans against the table and Clay sits across from her.

“ _So?_ ” Jessica simply asks.

“ _I feel like I should apologize first. Last night, I..._ ”

“ _Don’t. You just said the truth._ ” She cuts him off.

“ _That’s not true..._ ”

“ _Listen Clay, I’m exhausted. Can you please just tell me about Justin?_ ”

“ _Yeah, sure. My parents told you there wasn't any change right?_ ”

“ _They did._ ”

“ _That’s not entirely true. In fact, he’s been getting worse since he was admitted._ ”

“ _Worse? What do you mean worse?_ ”

“ _The treatment doesn’t seem to be working and the infection is getting worse. He has more and more trouble breathing._ ”

Jessica nods.

“ _How is he?_ ”

“ _I just told you. He’s not getting better..._ ” Clay is confused by the question.

“ _No. How is he?_ ” She asks again.

Clay looks at her, not understanding.

“ _You told me about his health, his disease and his treatment. I wanna know how HE is. Is he sad? Afraid? Is he cold? Is he bored? Is he sleepy? You spend your time with him and I know nothing. I’m thankful your parents are trying to keep me informed, but it’s not much. I’m stuck on a chair in the fucking waiting room and I have no idea what he’s going through._ ”

“ _To be honest I don’t really know. He doesn’t show or say anything._ ”

“ _I can’t say I’m surprise. When it comes to this, he’s clearly your brother._ ”

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _My dad told me I should talk to him to try to push him to open up a little._ ”

“ _You should. Trust me, if I could I would, but right now you’re the only one who can help him. You know he won’t talk to your parents._ ”

“ _How do I do that?”_

Clay shrugs, he feels useless.

“ _Be straight with him. Ask him how he fells. He’s probably going to fed you some bullshit, but you have to let him know it’s okay to be honest, that you can take it. If he hides how he feels it’s because he doesn’t want to worry you, or be a burden for you.”_

“ _What if I can’t? Take it?”_

“ _Clay, you’re one of the bravest guy I know. Trust me, you can.”_

Clay doesn’t seem convinced.

“ _And if you can’t… just pretend._ ”

Clay nods.

“ _I know it’s not easy to push him to open up to you. And I know it can be hella hard_ _to hear what’s going through his mind, but he needs someone to listen to him. He needs someone to hear him.”_

“ _I guess it would be easier for everyone if_ _you_ _could just talk to him._ ” Clay tries to joke.

“ _Don’t sell yourself short. He cares about you so much and I’m sure it won’t be that hard for you to actually talk to him. You saved his life and he’ll forever be grateful for that.”_

“ _Did I?_ ”

Jessica is confused.

“ _Save his life?_ ” Clay ads.

The silence sets in once again.

“ _You did. If it wasn’t for you…_ ” Jessica thinks about everything Justin told her about his time on the streets. “ _… he would have died a long time ago._ ”

“ _He’s going to get better eventually right?_ ” Clay needs to be reassured.

“ _He will.”_ Jessica responds with a warm smile.

Her phone rings, it’s Zach.

“ _I have to go, but I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at the hospital?_ ” She asks Clay.

“ _Yeah, you will._ ”

Jessica begins to leave, but Clay stops her.

“ _Wait. I…_ ”

She turns around.

“ _I’m glad you and Alex are both okay._ ”

Jessica offers him a thankful nods.

“ _and… thank you. You didn’t have to be so nice to me after last night._ ”

“ _It’s fine Clay, don’t worry about it._ ”

She could never be mad at him because, like she said, if it wasn’t for him, Justin would have died a long time ago. She’ll forever be grateful too.

* * *

Once she reaches her car, she calls Zach back.

“ _Hey - - - - - I know I’m sorry, it was a busy day and … I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have shut you off like that. - - - - -_ _He did? Yeah, we’re both okay. - - - - - Can we not talk about this? - - - - - - I should go home, I’m exhausted. - - - - - You don’t have to. - - - - - I think it would actually help. - - - - - I’ll pick you up in 10.”_

Jessica hangs up and is actually relieved Zach offered to spend the night at her place. She feels extremely tired, but she knows she won’t be able to sleep if she stays alone. 


	91. Light on My Shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Light on My Shoulder – Susie Suh

“ _Already up?_ ” Zach asks Jessica as she makes her way into her kitchen.

“ _Yeah..._ ” She rubs her eyes, not totally awake yet. “ _Why are you?_ ”

“ _We got to sleep pretty early last night and I’ve become used to going to bed way later than that._ ”

She looks at what he’s doing.

“ _What is this?_ ”

“ _Breakfast. I figured you could use some._ ”

She gets closer to him.

“ _Pancakes?_ ”

“ _Yes ma’am. Your fridge is tragically empty so I didn’t have much choice. When is the last time you ate something other than Charlie’s cookies?_ ”

“ _I… don’t really know._ ” She admits.

Zach turns to look at her as she sits downs. She can feel the judgment in his eyes.

“ _I’ve been ki_ _n_ _d of busy.”_ She defends herself.

“ _It’s Sunday. You don’t have anywhere to be._ ”

“ _Actually, I have to be at the hospital in..._ ” She looks at the clock on the wall. “… a _bout 30 minutes._ ”

“ _Why? Is there something new?_ ”

“ _No, just visiting hours._ ”

“ _Are you allowed to visit Justin?_ ”

“ _No Zach, thanks for reminding me.”_

“ _Then, you can go after breakfast.”_

“ _Fine._ ” She gets up to set the table for the both of them.

“ _So what are you going to do at the hospital?_ ”

“ _Just…_ _wait._ ”

“ _For?_ ”

“ _Anything. Any change, any update._ ”

Zach brings the pancakes to the table and sits down.

“ _Coffee?_ ” Jessica asks him.

“ _I could use some._ ”

Jessica walks over to the counter to prepare some.

“ _Sit down, I can do it._ ” He begins to stand.

“ _So can I. You do realize I’m not injured or something right?_ ” She responds, amused by him.

“ _Well, to be fair, a week ago you go injured and you’re…_ ”

“ _It wasn’t anything serious and being pregnant doesn’t mean I’m incapable of doing small stuff like making coffee._ ”

She pours herself a glass of water and brings Zach his coffee.

* * *

“ _Oh my god. You’re actually a pretty good cook._ ” She tells him as she finishes her first bite.

“ _I’m not. I don’t know how to cook pretty much anything, but pancakes I’m pretty good at._ ”

“ _You definitely are. When did you learn how to make them?_ ”

Zach’s face gets serious.

“ _I learned while my dad was in the hospital. My mom tried to keep doing things like we used to, taking care of everything, but I thought it would ease her days a little if I could do something to help. I chose breakfast. It took a few days before my pancakes were edible, but it felt nice to do something. I felt so helpless and preparing breakfast for May and my mom was something I could do._ ”

Jessica offers him a sympathetic smile.

“ _I’m sorry we never actually talked about him before. I’m sure your mom and sister were happy to have you around. I know I am._ ”

Zach nods.

“ _I know how awful it is ; the waiting, the not knowing, the long hours at the hospital. How about I come with you today?_ ”

“ _You don’t have to. It’s just… long… quiet… and_ _nothing ever happens._ ”

“ _I know. That’s why I offered._ ”

Jessica agrees, thankful he’s here for her.

* * *

“ _Adoption?_ ” Zach asks when he sees the web-page opened on Jessica’s laptop.

Jessica looks around and shushes him.

“ _Will you keep your voice down?_ ”

“ _Sorry. There’s no one around.”_ He apologizes.

“ _Why are you looking for this?_ ”

“ _I’m just… making sure to explore every option._ ”

“ _You actually consider this?_ ”

“ _I don’t know… I..._ ” She stops talking and quickly closes her laptop when Lainie comes to update her.

“ _Good morning._ ” She greets them with a warm smile.

“ _Good morning Mrs Jensen._ ” Zach answers.

“ _Hi._ ” Jessica replies, afraid of the smile on her face.

“ _It’s nice to see you Zach. I’m glad Jessica won’t spend all day alone in here and Justin will be even more happy about it.”_

Lainie sits down across the two of them.

“ _How is he doing?_ ” Zach asks her. Jessica is still trying to understand the reason for her unusual load of warmness.

“ _He’s still getting worse, but the good news is we’re starting to see some changes induced by the HIV treatment.”_

“ _How is he getting worse if the treatment is working?_ ” Jessica tries to understand.

“ _Well, his body is getting stronger thanks to this treatment, but it has no effect on the infection.”_

“ _And the infection is the problem?”_ Zach asks, not knowing all the details about his friend.

“ _It is for now, but since his body is getting stronger, there’s no reason to think he won’t be able to fight it pretty soon.”_

Zach and Jessica nod, processing the information.

“ _There’s another news. We know for sure how far the disease has progressed.”_

“ _And?”_ Jessica gets worried.

“ _It hasn’t progressed very far yet, which isn’t a surprise since he got infected pretty recently. Now we know for sure.”_

Jessica is relieved. Lainie actually have good news to share and that’s the reason she’s seems so warm.

“ _Thank you, for letting us know.”_

“ _You’re welcome Jessica. I’m mostly following my son’s instructions.”_

Jessica smiles. She likes hearing Lainie say that Justin is her son. It reminds her he’s not alone in his room, he’s surrounded by a loving family. 


	92. They'll Never Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin feels bad. Really bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ross Copperman – They'll Never Know

Justin feels bad. Really bad. He tries to talk as little as possible as not to show how much he’s suffering, but he feels terrible. His parents and Clay got so happy when they found out his last results that he feels guilty for not feeling well, for not being healthy yet. He feels like he is failing them by not fighting the infection faster. He is failing them and his body is failing him. He should start to feel better according to his doctor, but he doesn’t. It’s been a few days since he last used and he feels this too; the dreaded withdrawal and the shakes that comes with it. It isn’t as bad as the last time because of the drugs the doctors are giving him, but he can still feel it. He failed his body. It’s just what he deserves.

* * *

He offered his family to leave him so they could get lunch, the three of them for once, and he had to plead for them to accept, but they eventually did. He’s now able to stop hiding his fears and how much he hurts. He extends his arm to press the button that calls the nurses.

After two minutes, a nurse shows up.

“ _What can I do for you?_ ” She asks in a soft voice.

“ _I… could you get… my doctor… please._ ” He responds in a shaky voice.

“ _Are you in pain?_ ”

He nods to respond without having to speak.

“ _I can see if I can_ _give you a stronger dose of..._ ”

“ _No. I’m… I’m an addict. I don’t … I don’t want more.”_ He cuts her off.

“ _I know about this, but if you’re in pain, there’s no shame in..._ ”

“ _No. Please… just please… can you get him?_ ”

Justin doesn’t even really know what he’s going to ask his doctor, but he feels awful, and he needs to say it out loud to someone.

“ _I’ll go find him. Do you need anything else?_ ”

Justin shakes his head.

“ _Okay, he’ll be here shortly._ ” The nurse reassures him before she leaves.

Justin regrets his decision after a few seconds. Why did he ask for his doctor? He’s not going to be able to free him from the pain, especially if he keeps refusing stronger drugs.

Five minutes later, his doctor enters the room.

“ _How are you feeling Justin?_ ”

“ _Bad. How… how much… worse can it get?_ ”

“ _Like I explained to you, we’re not going to let you suffer more than you should. I’ve been told you refused a higher dose of pain medication?”_

“ _Yeah… I… I don’t want more drugs.”_

“ _Are you having more trouble breathing than yesterday?”_

Justin nods.

“ _Okay. Right now, there’s not much we can do if you refuse the drugs. You have to keep your mask on. It brings oxygen to your lungs more effectively. It helps with the breathing._ ”

Justin replaces the oxygen mask on his face and breathe in.

“ _There you go. Just breathe slowly._ ”

Justin feels a little bit better. Maybe he just needed to be reassured.

“ _I’m not going to lie to you Justin. The mask is here to help, but it won’t heal you. If there isn’t any sign the infection is healing, we’ll have to intubate you. Your body needs to be strong to fight it and I’m afraid we’re getting to the point where it’s actually causing more harm to let you breath on your own. Your already fragile system is getting more and more tired.”_

Justin listens to his words carefully and is terribly afraid it might come to this.

“ _Breathing is something we all do everyday without even thinking about it, but when it becomes difficult to do so, you realize how much it actually asks of your body.”_

Justin nods and a tear falls along his cheek. He realizes this. He’s so fucking tired of the effort he has to put in at every breath he takes.

“ _If we intubate you, you’ll be unconscious. It means you won’t be able to make decisions regarding your treatment and your care. In case we get to this point, it would probably be best if you signed some papers allowing your parents, or the person of your choice, to make those decisions for you.”_

Justin nods again.

“ _I suggest you think about it, and a nurse will bring you these papers later okay?_ ”

Clay’s name immediately comes to his mind. He trusts him and unlike Jessica, he’ll use his head before his heart when it comes to difficult decisions.

“ _Will I… what if something… goes wrong? Is this person’s… gonna have to decide if… if I die?_ ”

He can’t do that to Clay. Clay may use his head more than his heart, but he’s also a savior and if it goes to the point where there’s no saving him anymore, he’ll have no idea what to do.

“ _There’s no need to think something could go wrong, but, if you don’t want anyone to have to make this decision, you can also sign a DNR._ ”

“ _Doesn’t… doesn’t_ _this_ _means I… want to die?_ ”

“ _It doesn't really, but that’s the only option you have if you want to be the one deciding what happens to you in the worst case scenario._ ”

Justin thinks about it, a little lost.

“ _I’ll tell the nurse to explain to you how it works exactly. She’ll explain everything to you. In the meantime, try to rest as much as you can and keep breathing slowly okay?_ ”

Justin nods.

“ _If you have any other question, feel free to ask me or any of the nurses okay?”_

The doctor leaves the room and for now Justin feels better. He closes his eyes, trying to rest as he keeps breathing into the mask.

He made his decision. He’ll choose Matt. He is as logical and smart as Clay, but without the obsession of saving everyone that both Clay and Lainie share. Jessica is different. He can’t ask this of her. He would trust her with his life, no question, but he has no idea how she is taking all of this right now. He realizes he doesn’t know how she is doing at all. Clay and their parents tell him that she’s here, but that’s it. He doesn’t ask them how she is doing, because he knows she tends to pretend she’s alright when she isn’t. She puts on a brave face and acts like nothing affects her, even when it does. Not many people know this about her. What if something happens to him? What happens once he’s gone? He needs to talk to Clay. Someone has to take care of her, she shouldn’t have to face anything alone, even if from the outside, it looks like she has no problem doing it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last couple chapters have been pretty uneventful, but it won't stay like this for long. Enjoy the calm before the storm!


	93. Look After You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Look After You – The Fray

Jessica is surprised when Matt, Lainie and Clay all leave Justin’s room for lunch. She grabs Zach’s arm, bracing for a really bad news.

“ _Justin kicked us out. He insisted we all got lunch together for a change._ ” Clay explains which cause Jessica to relax and let got of Zach’s arm.

“ _I’m starving._ ” Zach let’s out which causes everyone to chuckle.

“ _Well, that’s good. We were hoping you two would join us._ ” Matt responds.

“ _Shouldn’t someone stay close? Just in case..._ ” Jessica tries to avoid leaving Justin alone so far from all of them.

“ _If anything happens, the nurse will call me. You’re coming with us.”_ Lainie reassures her.

Jessica can see Clay doesn’t seem happy about it either.

She puts her laptop in her bag and her and Zach follow the Jensens.

Jessica slows her pace and takes Clay’s arm to force him to do the same, which he does, understanding she wants to talk to him.

“ _Did you talk to him?_ ”

“ _Not yet, it’s not easy to kick my parents out of the room._ ”

“ _You can just say you want to talk to Justin alone. It’s not that big of a deal.”_

“ _Isn’t it? Don’t you think he’s going to feel trapped?_ ”

Jessica shrugs.

“ _Probably, but it’s kinda the plan anyway so…_ ”

“ _I don’t want to trap him_.”

“ _I know… but I’m afraid he won’t talk unless you do.”_

“ _I’ll find a way.”_

“ _You’ll talk to him today right?”_ Jessica is not sure Clay is going to do it anymore.

“ _I will._ ” Clay’s determined tone reassures her.

They pick up the pace to catch up to Zach, Matt and Lainie as they enter the cafeteria.

“ _What the…_ ”

Clay begins when he sees Charlie, Alex, Tyler and Tony seating at one of the table.

Jessica shakes her head, confused.

“ _We didn’t get a chance to have lunch together at Rosie’s so Zach suggested we do it now._ ” Tyler explains.

Jessica gives Zach a sharp look, a little upset he didn’t tell her about this.

“ _Here?_ ” Clay asks, not sure this is a good idea.

“ _Yeah, it’s not as cozy as Rosie’s and there’s no milkshakes, but at least we’re together right?_ ” Alex tries to convince Clay.

“ _That’s a great idea. These two could use a little distraction._ ” Matt tells in a joyful tone, pointing at Clay and Jessica.

The both of them look at each other, weirded out by the difference of vibes between this and what they got quickly used to in this hospital.

“ _Honey, your dad and I are going to sit over there.”_ Lainie explains as they leave.

“ _Okay. Let’s get something to eat then._ ” Clay caves in.

“ _Amazing plan._ ” Zach is really hungry.

“ _Right behind you._ ” Jessica follows them.

Zach is the first one to join the table.

“ _I didn’t know you were already here when you texted us.”_ Alex is suspicious.

“ _Yeah, I arrived with Jessica this morning._ ”

“ _What were you doing with her this morning?_ ” Alex continues his investigation.

“ _I slept at her house last night._ ”

Zach hates how he speaks without thinking first sometimes.

“ _Again?_ ” Charlie is getting a little suspicious too.

“ _Yeah, I… I needed a parent-free place to crash again._ ” Zach lies.

“ _If you weren’t such a mess, I’ll offer you my place._ ” Tony jokes.

“ _Well, Jessica doesn’t add the judgment so I’ll keep this option._ ”

“ _What about Jessica?_ ” Clay arrives at the table.

“ _Nothing._ ” Zach answers in a detached tone as Jessica arrives too.

They all sit and eat together. Jessica appreciate the food. She didn’t realize she was this hungry until she took the first bite.

“ _Everyone is excited for tomorrow?_ ” Tyler asks after a few minutes.

“ _What about tomorrow?_ ” Charlie is confused.

“ _College. We’ll all know if we’re going to get accepted or rejected.”_ Tyler answers him, clearly excited.

“ _Not all of us._ ” Zach’s tone is full of sarcasm.

“ _Why not?_ ” Alex asks him.

“ _I actually didn’t apply anywhere._ ”

“ _You know that’s a terrible idea right?_ ” Clay judges him.

“ _No shit Clay, I didn’t realize that before you said it._ ” Zach snaps at him.

“ _Don’t worry, I tanked my interview so I’m not sure I’ll get in anywhere either.”_ Alex tries to dissolve the tension.

“ _I got offered a scholarship, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to go.”_ Tony ads seriously.

“ _Maybe we won’t all get accepted, but isn’t it nice to know we made it this far already? It’s going to be exciting to open our envelops tomorrow, whether or not we get in._ ” Tyler tries to bring the mood up.

“ _Not all of us._ ” Clay says in an empty voice.

They all look at him.

“ _Justin won’t be able to open his._ ” He ads.

Everyone feels bad about complaining over not that much. Even Tyler’s smile drops down.

“ _I promised him I would wait until he comes out of the hospital to open mine. He better get healthier quick._ ” Clay jokes, feeling guilty for making everyone uncomfortable.

Some of them chuckle and they keep eating.

Jessica looks down at her food. She knows there’s not a chance she’ll get in anywhere. What about Justin? They didn’t talk about this. She has no idea where he even applied. It doesn’t feel right to sit at this table with all her friends without him. Right now, she can’t think of the future. What kind of future would it be if it wasn’t one with Justin by her side? She puts her fork down. She lost her appetite. 


	94. Within You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin opens up to Clay and asks him for a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ray LaMontagne – Within You

“ _Can I stay with Justin tonight?”_ Clay asks his parents, hoping they’ll agree _._

“ _You have school tomorrow Clay.”_ Lainie tries to reason.

“ _I can still go. It doesn’t matter if I sleep in here or in my bed at home.”_

Lainie looks over at Matt, who doesn’t object.

“ _Justin, if you’re okay with this, I don’t see why not.”_ She asks for his permission.

The younger brother takes of his oxygen mask to respond.

“ _I’_ _d_ _like that._ ” He painfully replies before he puts his mask back on.

“ _Agreed, but I’ll come pick you up early tomorrow morning so you have time to come home,_ _shower_ _and change before school._ ” Lainie negotiates.

“ _Deal.”_

Clay is happy to have found a way to spend some time alone with Justin. Now, all he needs is the guts to actually start the conversation once his parents leave.

“ _Don’t spend your night chatting. You need to rest._ ”

“ _I promise. I’ll make sure he sleeps all night long._ ” Clay tries to reassure her.

“ _I was talking about both of you. Tomorrow is your first day back to school. You need a good night sleep._ ”

Clay rolls his eyes. His mom can be smothering sometimes, but he guess it’s better than someone like Amber.

* * *

Once they leave, both of them wait a few minutes in silence, trying to find the words to start the conversation they both want to have with the other.

“ _I’m actually… glad you stayed… I wanted to… talk to you about something._ ”

Clay changes his seat to the one closer to Justin’s bed, eager to hear what he has to say and relieved he might not have to push him to open up.

“ _Cool_ _. What is it?_ ” He tries to act detached.

“ _Jess… how is she?_ ”

“ _Fine, I guess. I mean… she’s obviously sad about you and she misses you, but she seems… okay._ ”

“ _Seems?_ ”

“ _I don’t know. She doesn't talk much about you._ ”

Justin looks upset so Clay tries to rectify.

“ _I’m sure she thinks about you. She spend the day in the waiting room and she’s been here since Friday basically. She just left yesterday afternoon, but she had a good reason. I didn’t want to tell you about this in front of the folks, but Alex and her went to a clinic to get tested._ ”

Justin holds his breath, afraid to know the results.

“ _They’re both okay. It was negative._ ”

Justin takes a deep breath. A weight immediately leaves his chest. He has to close his eyes to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

“ _That’s…_ _great_.” Justin let’s out. “ _Can… can you do… something for me?_ ”

“ _Anything._ ”

“ _Look after Jess. Even if she… seems fine… it… it doesn’t mean she is. You… you need to talk to her… make sure she’s… really okay._ ”

Clay chuckles.

“ _What is… so funny… about this?_ ”

“ _A couple of things. She asked me to talk to you too because she’s worried about you. And, trust me, she doesn’t need anyone to look after her. She’s way stronger than me, and probably than all of us._ ”

“ _She isn’t._ ”

Clay looks confused.

“ _I mean… she is, but… she’s not… that strong.”_

“ _She’s holding on pretty good so far and from what we heard this morning, you’re getting stronger.”_

Justin shakes his head.

“ _Clay..._ ” He tries to stop him.

“ _Once you leave this place, it’s all going to get better.”_ Clay continues.

“ _Clay. I… I’m not doing fine._ ”

“ _You are. The doctor said..._ ”

“ _The HIV… treatment works, but… the infection is… it’s getting… worse._ ”

“ _It did, but it’s not anymore.”_ Clay refuses to believe it.

“ _It is… I… I can barely… breathe... by myself… anymore._ ”

Clay shakes his head.

> _No. Justin is getting better. He’ll be fine._

Justin grabs his brother’s hand.

Clay looks up at him and they both have so much fear in their eyes.

“ _I’m…_ _not okay and… there’s a … chance it’s going to get… much worse.”_

Clay removes his hand and gets up, refusing to face the reality.

“ _I… I need you… to hear this… Please.”_

“ _I thought you wanted to fight! Do you still plan on letting yourself die?”_ Clay gets angry.

“ _I can’t fight this._ ” Justin answers, helpless and terrified.

“ _Sure you can! All you have to do is rest and..._ ” A lump in his throat stops his sentence. He looks away, trying to find his composure back.

“ _I’m doing… everything I can, but…”_ He stops, unable to say the words out loud.

> _But I’m dying._

“ _Clay… please. I… I really need you right now.”_ He finally lets himself be vulnerable and open, as he pleads for his brother in a choked sob.

Clay turns around, surprised by his honesty. Justin notices the tears on his face.

“ _Okay. I’m… I’m here._ ” Clay says as he sits back beside Justin’s bed.

“ _I signed… some papers today… in case… something happens to me._ ”

Clay nods and waits for him to continue.

“ _I need you to… promise me… If something happens… you’ll look after Jess.”_ He can’t hold back his tears anymore when he pronounces her name.

“ _I promise you… I will._ ” Clay tries his best not to break down, but his tears keep making their way down his face.

“ _And… promise me… you’ll keep… taking care… of yourself._ ”

“ _How am I supposed to do this without you?_ ” Clay breaks down, unable to hide his fear anymore.

“ _You survived… so much… You’ll survive this too._ ” Justin offers him with a reassuring smile once he’s able to stop crying for a few seconds.

“ _Are you afraid?_ ” Clay asks.

“ _I am._ ” Justin is the one to break down this time. “ _I’m afraid of… everything I’m… going to miss on._ ”

Clay takes his hand in his to reassure him.

“ _You’re still here._ ”

“ _As long… as I draw breath… there’s hope._ ” Justin answers with a sad smile.

“ _I didn’t think you were that poetic._ ” Clay tease him.

They both laugh despite the tears.

Justin puts his other hand on top of Clay’s.

“ _Thank you… for being here… always. I… I love you… bro._ ”

Clay smiles warmly.

“ _I love you to man._ ”

They stay like this a few minutes, holding on to each others hands… until they both fall asleep.


	95. Cruel World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acceptance / Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Cruel World · Active Child

“ _Look what came in the mail this morning.”_ Lainie points at a few envelops on the kitchen table with excitement.

“ _How many?_ ” Matt ask as he walks towards the counter to grab a coffee.

“ _Five! Justin got two and Clay got three._ ”

“ _You didn’t open them did you?_ ”

“ _You know I didn’t, but they’re pretty full so I’m pretty sure there’s a few acceptances there.”_ She explains as she picks some of them up.

Matt sits down and brings the envelops towards him.

“ _I’m sure there are, but we’ll wait for Justin to open them up.”_

“ _I know that. I’m just so proud of them both.”_

“ _Me too. Did you think we’d make it to this day? Sending our two boys to college?_ ”

“ _We’re not there yet. As excited as I am, they both are on their way to recovery and recovery… it takes time._ ”

“ _I know honey, but they are both on the right path._ ”

“ _He’s going to get better right? Justin?_ ”

Matt doesn’t answer. He’s usually the one to comfort and reassure everyone, but they both noticed how Justin has only gotten worse since he was admitted and he doesn’t want to lie to her.

“ _We’ll do our best to make sure he does._ ” He tries anyway.

“ _Did we fail him? Should we have done more?_ ”

“ _There’s nothing more we could have done._ ”

“ _I know… It’s just… when Clay brought him into our lives, I was so hostile_ _to_ _him at first._ ”

“ _Which was understandable. We didn’t know him yet._ ”

“ _And now… I love him so much. He’s our son, our family.”_ Lainie breaks down.

Matt takes her hand.

“ _He is and he’s a fighter, he’ll survive this._ ”

Lainie nods, praying her husband is right.

“ _I think I have something that may cheer you up._ ” He offers.

Lainie looks at him, confused.

He searches for a particular envelop in the pile. He smiles when he finds it and shows it to her.

“ _Sanderson?_ ” She asks, sniffing.

“ _Yeah, Justin applied there and… since I work there, I can tell you that… he got in._ ”

“ _He did?_ ” Lainie responds, incredibly happy.

“ _He sure did and since we didn’t actually open the envelop, I don’t think it makes us horrible parents.”_

Lainie laughs and Matt joins her. They needed a win.

* * *

Clay is woken up by the sound of his brother coughing. He gets up in a haste.

“ _Do I need to call the nurse in?_ ” He asks, scared, already extending his hand towards the button.

Justin shoves his hand away from it.

“ _No… I’m okay._ ” He replies when the coughing stops.

“ _Are you sure?_ ”

“ _Yeah…_ _It’s always… worse… in the morning._ ” He explains in a hoarse voice.

“ _I can stay with you today if you want._ ”

“ _I don’t… You need… to go to… school._ ”

“ _You sure?_ ”

“ _Are you… a doctor?_ ”

Clay is confused by the question.

“ _So you… can’t help me._ ”

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _I can help, not like this, but… but I can be_ _t_ _here for you.”_

“ _Are… you afraid?_ ”

“ _Afraid of what?_ ”

“ _Going… going back… to school?”_

“ _A little, but I’m more afraid to leave you.”_

“ _Don’t be. You know… how much… I’d like… to be able… to… go… if I could?_ ”

Clay feels guilty. Of course Justin would love nothing more than to be able to be living his life normally right now. It’s not fair to him to refuse to do so.

“ _Good morning boys._ ” Matt enters the room with a huge smile.

“ _Oh my god. Did you open them?_ ” Clay asks, worrying their parents may have broken their promise.

“ _I swear we didn’t, but I can tell you, you both received some._ _Don’t worry, they are all hidden somewhere in my office so your mom won’t get tempted._ _”_

The brothers chuckle.

“ _Speaking of, she’s waiting for you outside Clay._ ”

“ _I’ll come back during lunch break okay?_ ”

“ _Okay._ ” Justin knows there’s no point in arguing.

“ _So,_ _how_ _are you doing today?_ ” Matt asks him as he gets closer.

Clay walks towards the exit, and stops to glance at his brother a last time. Their eyes meet and they exchange a silent goodbye.

* * *

When Alex walks into his dining-room, he figures a letter must have arrived for him. Why would his parents be siting there looking at him? They both have demanding jobs and they’re not usually both there for breakfast. They point at the envelop on the table. It’s from Berkeley, his first choice.

He takes a deep breath as he grabs it.

“ _Come on, open it!_ ” His mother gets impatient.

He opens it and a smile forms on his face.

“ _I got in._ ” He let’s them know, without much excitement.

His parents are way more excited than he is. They erupt in cheers.

“ _That’s fantastic right?_ ” Bill exclaims as Alex sits down.

“ _It’s great, I just..._ ” He looks at his dad.

“ _I feel like I shouldn’t let myself get to excited.”_

His parents looks confused.

“ _You think things are okay at work?”_ He asks his dad.

“ _Buddy, things are great at work. Why wouldn’t they be?_ ” He reassures him.

Alex knows there are still cops working on Bryce’s case.

“ _Can you honestly tell me you’re not worried about the future?_ ”

Bill understands Alex is afraid and for more than college.

“ _Everybody worries about the future, but everything is going to be okay. Do you trust me?”_

“ _Yes dad, of course I do._ ”

“ _We should celebrate! I’ll tell your brother to come home this week-end and we’ll go to dinner in a nice restaurant. What do you think honey?_ ” His mom offers.

“ _Sure. That would be nice._ ”

* * *

Jessica is already awake when her alarm goes on. She sits down and grabs her phone to shut it off. It’s Monday. That means there should be envelops waiting for her in the mailbox, at least if she got in. She runs downstairs, then outside. She opens the mailbox; it’s empty. She sighs. She didn’t even get a rejection letter. She runs back inside. When she enters her bedroom, she quickly sits at her desk and turns on her laptop. She anxiously taps her finger against the space-bar of her keyboard until she’s able to access her inbox. There it is ; 6 very polite rejection emails.

She didn’t get in anywhere she applied. It’s a disappointment, but not really a surprise. She took her SAT the first time two days after Bryce got probation. The second time it was a week after he died, when she started suspecting she was pregnant. Her results were far from okay. She knows no colleges would want someone like her. She also was held responsible for her ex-best-friend suicide and for the disruption at Homecoming. She didn’t mention that in her applications, but it’s all online and if colleges look her up online, they probably found it. She’s a stupid trouble-maker. Not very enticing for universities.

* * *

Tyler is woken up by his mother’s voice.

“ _Tyler. Something arrived for you this morning._ ”

He rubs his eyes and sits down.

“ _I give you five minutes to get up and join us._ ” She instructs as she leaves his bedroom.

Tyler is happy. Many months ago, he didn’t think he was going to survive high-school, now he’s planning for what comes after. He won’t need five minutes before he joins his parents; he’s way too excited. He sits down at the table with them and his father hands him the envelop.

“ _It’s quite heavy._ ” His dad comments.

“ _It’s a good sign right?_ ” His mom ads.

“ _I’m..._ ” Tyler reads the words carefully a couple times, just to make sure. _“I’m in!”_ He informs them with a huge smile.

His parents clap to congratulate him.

* * *

When Zach enters his kitchen, he knows he’s gonna have to face his mother.

“ _Good morning._ ” He greets her and his sister.

“ _Hi._ ” His sister responds, absorbed by her phone.

“ _Good-morning Zach._ ” His mother answers, in a colder tone than usual.

“ _I went out to_ _get the mail this morning._ ” She ads.

Zach nods, trying to act detached as he pours himself some juice.

“ _Your school emailed all the parents. You were supposed to receive responses from colleges today._ ”

“ _Maybe they used emails this year. It’s 2019 you know?_ ” Zach tries.

“ _Well, did you receive any?_ ”

“ _I haven’t checked yet and…_ ” He finishes his glass. “ _… I don’t wanna be late for school so I should go._ ”

He leaves the room and quickly exits his house. He’s ashamed of himself. He fucked up again and again and the idea of disappointing his mother is too much. He’s the man of the house, but he’s nothing else than a mess. If his dad is seeing him right now, he must be so disappointed by the choices he made so far. 


	96. Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Charlie start to think something is going on between Zach and Jessica.   
> Zach and Jessica decide to escape their problems for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Grouplove – Slow

“ _So?_ ” Charlie asks Alex when he arrives by his locker.

“ _I got in._ ” He replies with a smile.

“ _Yes! That’s amazing!_ ” Charlie cheers and hugs him.

“ _Right?_ ” Charlie makes sure when he sees the look on his boyfriend’s face.

“ _It is yeah._ ” Alex doesn’t seem that convinced. “ _How was practice?_ ” He changes the subject.

“ _Interesting. I heard Diego and Luke talk about Zach and Jessica.”_ He explains in a serious tone.

“ _What did they say?_ ”

“ _I didn’t hear everything, but from what I’ve heard, the two of them did something together._ ”

“ _Something?_ ” Alex is confused.

“ _I don’t know, but something wrong apparently because Luke told Diego he was right for punching Zach if it was true. What do you think it is?”_ Charlie tries to understand.

“ _No idea, but there’s definitely something happening between the two of them._ ”

“ _Do you think they could be like… together?_ ”

“ _No. No, there’s no way._ ” Alex never considered this before.

“ _I don’t think so either, but it would explain a lot right?_ ”

Alex considers it for a few seconds.

“ _It would, actually._ ” As hard as it is to believe, it would make sense and explain many things so Alex accepts it might be a possibility.

The bell rings.

“ _I have classes with both of them this morning. I’ll try to see if I can find out something._ ” Alex offers.

“ _We’ll meet for lunch?_ ” Charlie asks him.

“ _Sure_.” Alex replies before leaving to join the classroom.

He doesn’t kiss Charlie before he does, because it’s still kinda new to him and he hasn’t really come out to anybody yet, even if all his friends know about the two of them. The whole school is a different thing.

* * *

When Jessica arrives late at school, she doesn’t see Zach’s car. He should be here already. He probably decided to skip today as well. She thinks back at what he said about college. He would probably be happy to know he’s not the only one without a future right now. Her phones rings.

“ _Hello?_ ”

\- - -

“ _This is she._ ”

\- - -

“ _I know, I’m sorry._ ”

\- - -

She bites her lips. She has no idea what to say.

\- - -

“ _Can I call you later today?_ ”

\- - -

“ _I haven’t yet._ ”

\- - -

“ _I understand. I… I’ll be there._ ”

She hangs up, takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She has to keep her shit together, just a little longer.

She thinks about Zach and how much he helped her over the last week. He needs someone to help him too. She drives off, determined to find him.

* * *

She rides every single street in Evergreen without finding him. He didn’t reply her texts or calls. She suddenly think of the place she might find him at. She was right, his car is here. She gets out of her’s and walks slowly along the pier until she reaches him, seated down against the little shed at the end of the dock.

“ _You need to learn how to answer your phone._ ” She teases him, using words he once told her.

“ _Sorry. Is something wrong?_ ” He apologizes, worried something might have happened.

She chuckles.

“ _Just about everything._ ” She responds as she sits down next to him.

“ _Why aren’t you at the hospital?_ ”

“ _Why aren’t you at school?_ ”

“ _What’s the point?_ ” He answers with a shrug.

“ _Exactly._ ” She understands.

“ _I have to tell my mom I didn’t apply anywhere._ ”

“ _Why didn’t you?_ ”

“ _My whole life, all I wanted to do was play sports. It’s the only thing I’m good at. It’s the only thing I know I love, but one night changed everything._ ”

“ _That freaking night._ ” Jessica nods, still haunted by it.

“ _Now, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I have no idea what I want._ ”

“ _I’m sure your mother will understand if you explain that to her._ ”

“ _She won’t. Because it’s not just that._ ”

Jessica waits for him to continue.

“ _I actually could play again._ ”

Jessica shakes her head, confused.

“ _You said..._ ”

“ _I lied._ ” Zach’s cuts her off. “ _If I had follow PT, I would have gotten a chance to play again._ ”

“ _Why didn’t you?_ ”

Zach takes a sip of whiskey from the bottle placed by his feet before he answers.

“ _Because I’m there and they’re not. Jeff, Bryce and Monty. The three of them should be there. They should be on the field with the team, they should prepare to go to college right now. Why do I deserve a second chance when they didn’t get one?_ ”

“ _Why are you throwing away your second chance when you’re lucky enough to have gotten one?_ ”

Zach eyes become watery and he rubs them to refrain his tears from falling.

“ _I know what it’s like to feel guilty, but the only way to prove yourself you deserve your second chance is to do your best to do better._ ”

Zach nods.

“ _Where did you get into?_ ” Zach changes the subject, not used to be so vulnerable.

“ _Nowhere_.” Jessica answers with a sigh.

“ _How is that possible?_ ” Zach is really surprised. “ _You’re the student council president.”_

“ _Yeah, and that’s probably why I got an interview, but my SAT scores are way too low for me to get accepted anywhere._ ”

“ _What are you going to do?”_

“ _I don’t know._ ” She shrugs as she looks down at her phone. She’s been holding on to it ever since she sat down.

“ _My parents are going to call at some point and I have no idea what I’m going to tell them. At least you won’t have the embarrassment to tell your mom you’ve been rejected._ ”

Zach grabs her phone.

“ _Turn it off. You’ll call them once you’re ready._ ”

“ _I can’t turn my phone off Zach. What if someone calls me about Justin?_ ” She takes her phone back.

“ _You heard Lainie yesterday. He’s getting better. There’s no need to worry. I’m sure you can turn it off for an hour or two._ ” He takes it back and turns it off.

“ _There_.” He says as he gives it back to her.

She’s about to turn it on again when she remembers the last call she receives.

“ _You win._ ” She tells him as she puts her phone in her bag.

“ _Let’s forget about our fucking problems right now._ ” She ads as she grabs the bottle.

Zach places his hand on her arm to stop her.

“ _Jess. Don’t be as pathetic as me.”_

She turns to look at him.

“ _Justin is in the hospital. I have no way of talking to him and… tomorrow…”_ She closes her eyes for a second to control her emotions _“… I have an appointment for an abortion that I’m supposed to confirm today. If you’re pathetic, what am I?”_

Zach lets go of her arm, seeing how afraid she actually is.

She takes a couple of hugegulps.

“ _Shit. I didn’t miss the taste._ ” She comments.

“ _Hey! It’s a pretty good bottle actually, but if you prefer..._ ” He brings his bag closer to him and takes another bottle out of the bag. “ _… I have Tequila too._ ”

Jessica grabs the bottle.

“ _Thank you, it’s way more my thing._ ”

They toast and each take a sip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jessica may have made a big mistake by turning her phone off...


	97. All Eternal Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Trembling Blue Stars – All Eternal Things

Clay arrives at the hospital after he quickly ate in his car. When he sees both his parents seated in the waiting room, holding onto each other and tears falling down his mother’s cheek, it’s like the world stops turning. For a second, he freezes, paralyzed. His father sees him and he lets go of Lainie before he stands up. Clay walks slowly towards them, fighting the urge to run to Justin’s room.

“ _Is he..._ ”

> _dead?_

He can’t bring himself to finish his sentence.

“ _His condition has worsened rapidly in the past few hours. His doctor decided to place him on a respirator. That way, his body can rest while fighting the infection.”_ Matt explains.

“ _He’s not dead?_ ” Clay has to hear it.

“ _Oh, honey._ ” Lainie stands up and brings him in a reassuring embrace _“He’s not dead. His body just needs to rest.”_

“ _He’s still breathing?_ ” Clay asks in a whisper to his mom.

“ _The machine breathes for him now, but it’s not permanent._ ”

Clay lets go of his mom after a few seconds.

“ _Why aren’t you with him?_ ”

“ _We had to get out of the room for them to do this and… we knew you were going to arrive soon. We didn’t want you to see him like this without knowing._ ” Lainie explains.

“ _It’s… it’s a lot to take in._ ” Matt ads.

“ _Can we go now?”_ Clay is eager to be at his brother’s side.

“ _Of course._ ” Matt answers as he places a reassuring hand on his older son’s back.

“ _Should we call Jessica?_ ” Lainie asks.

_Shit_. Clay didn’t even offer her a ride to the hospital. Now that he thinks about it, he didn’t see her all morning at school. So much for his promise to Justin to look after her.

“ _I’ll call her_.” Clay replies. “ _Go ahead. I’ll join you._ ” He adds, inviting them to go back to Justin.

He tries a couple time, but she doesn’t answer. He sends her a text.

Clay : _Where the hell are you? Call me back ASAP._

He follows every step carefully before he enters Justin’s room.He opens his mouth, shocked by the view. His father was right, it’s a lot to take in.

Justin is lying, unconscious and a large tube is depressed in his mouth. His chest raises up and down, at a repeated pace. The room feels so quiet, but the sound of the machines fills the air.

* * *

“ _Anything interesting to report?_ ” Charlie asks Alex as they eat their lunch.

“ _Kind of. None of them were in class._ ”

“ _Does it means something?_ ”

“ _Not really. Zach has been skipping a lot lately and it’s possible Jessica is at the hospital._ ”

“ _You’re probably right, but didn’t she skip last week before Justin even got into the hospital?_ ”

“ _She did, but I think it was to hang out with Diego so..._ ” Alex can’t believe it.

“ _Do you think she could be doing the same thing with Zach now?_ ” He continues.

“ _I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t presume things. We could just ask them._ ” Charlie doesn’t like the idea of spying on them and a part of him is still kind of afraid of Jessica.

“ _I tried! Both of them. Jessica gets defensive and Zach shuts down._ ” Alex gets frustrated.

“ _Okay. Let’s just think of what we know so far... Zach has slept at her house multiple times._ ”

“ _Diego and her broke up, but she never gave me a reason why._ ”

“ _Diego is pissed at_ _both of them_ _and he punched Zach for something they did.”_

“ _Zach asked us to make sure Diego wouldn’t go anywhere near her.”_

“ _Oh, and last week, Diego arrived to school with a huge black eye.”_ Charlie suddenly remembers.

“ _I have to say, the two of them being together would make sense, but I don’t believe it._ ”

“ _Why not?_ ”

“ _Justin._ ”

Charlie nods.

“ _Zach wouldn't do that to him and Jessica wouldn’t either.”_ Alex continues.

“ _Didn’t she cheat on you with Justin in the past?_ ” Charlie asks, trying to be gentle about it.

“ _Thanks for the reminder._ ” Alex jokes. “ _But that’s the thing ; it was Justin. As much as I wished it didn’t happen, it did because she’s deeply in love with him.”_ He adds.

“ _Maybe she doesn’t love him anymore. Maybe she’s in love with Zach now.”_ Charlie tries to make sense of all this.

“ _No. Trust me, there isn’t a world in which Jessica Davis isn’t madly in love with Justin Foley._ ”

* * *

“ _Have you seen Jessica?_ ” A very anxious Clay asks Charlie and Alex as they walk towards the parking lot after school.

“ _No, we haven’t. Why?_ ” Alex get worried.

“ _Was she at school today?_ ” Clay questions them.

“ _No, actually, she wasn’t. Is something wrong?_ ” Charlie answers honestly.

“ _Yeah and I’ve been trying to call her all afternoon, but she doesn’t pick up._ ” Clay is frantic.

“ _Let me try to call her okay?_ ” Alex offers as he takes out his phone.

“ _Is it Justin?_ ” Charlie worries.

“ _Yes._ ” Clay answers without telling much.

“ _Voicemail. I think her phone is off._ ” Alex explains as he hangs up and tries again.

“ _Do you have any idea where she could be? I tried her house, but she wasn’t there._ ” Clay asks.

Charlie and Alex exchange a look, thinking the same thing ; Zach.

“ _What? What is it?_ ” Clay catches it.

“ _We could try to call Zach._ ” Charlie explains.

“ _I’m on it._ ” Alex offers.

Clay looks at them, confused. After a few ring, Zach answers.

“ _Hey Zach._ ”

\- - -

“ _Jeez, how drunk are you?_ ”

\- - -

“ _Whose we? Is Jessica with you?_ ”

\- - -

“ _Where the hell are you?_ ”

\- - -

“ _Seriously?_ ”

\- - -

“ _Don’t go anywhere. We’re coming to get you guys._ ”

\- - -

“ _Don’t even think of driving okay? We’re on our way._ ”

Alex hangs up and looks at Charlie and Clay, not happy about what he found out.

“ _Jessica is with him?_ ” Clay seems relieved.

“ _Yes and they’re both pretty drunk._ ”

“ _Where are they?_ ” Charlie asks.

“ _The pier_.”

“ _We can take my car._ ” Clay offers and they follow him. 


	98. Somewhere only we know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Jessica and Zach have been doing since this morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Keane – Somewhere only we know

_A FEW HOURS EARLIER_

“ _Why do you come here to drink by yourself?”_ Jessica asks Zach.

“ _I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to remember what this place meant to me before it became the place where I almost killed Bryce._ ”

“ _What did it mean to you?_ ”

“ _You remember that summer? We used to hang out here all the time._ ”

“ _I do. Bryce did too. It must have meant something to him too.”_

Zach looks at her, confused.

“ _The night of Homecoming, he told me to meet him here. He mentioned how we used to party here too.”_

They look at the water, thinking about him. Zach takes another sip.

“ _You didn’t answer my question. What was so special about this place for you?_ ” Jessica asks again before she brings the bottle to her lips.

“ _It was the summer my dad died.”_

Jessica nods, she remembers.

“ _At the beginning of the summer, I was pretty much either here or at the hospital. I felt so free being here. A hospital room can feel... so small. My best memories of this summer happened here. All of us, having fun, drinking and… Hannah. We used to hang out here. Well, it was more towards the docks, but it was around here too._ ”

“ _And because of me, this place became a nightmare for you._ ” Jessica sadly answers.

“ _Not because of you.”_

“ _No? Because Bryce was only here because of me.”_

“ _Did you ask him to come here?”_

Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _He chose to be there... Just like I chose to beat him up.”_

“ _Just like I chose to leave him for dead.”_

“ _You didn’t kill him.”_

“ _Neither did you. That doesn’t make us feel better anyway right?”_

“ _It doesn’t.”_

They both take a few gulps.

“ _You know, drinking here by yourself isn’t going to change your memories of this place. You’ll always have the bad memories. Good news is it means you’ll always have the good ones as well.”_

“ _Drinking alone isn’t really a party. I’m glad you joined me.”_

Jessica laughs.

“ _You’re glad our lives are such a mess that we ended up day drinking on the pier?”_

“ _When you put it like that…”_

“ _You’re not the only one who used to have good memories of this place.”_

“ _I remember.”_

Jessica looks at him, confused.

“ _This is the place you and Justin kissed for the first time right?”_ Zach explains.

“ _I guess he told you about this._ ”

“ _Oh, trust me, it was a whole thing._ ” Zach laughs as he remembers it.

“ _Really? Why do I feel there’s way more to the story than I know?_ ”

“ _You remember how you ended up alone with him when there was supposed to be a party like every other weekend?”_

“ _I remember. Everyone ended up being busy or grounded and Justin and I were the only one who showed up here.”_

“ _Yeah, well, there was never any party planned.”_ Zach reveals with a big smile.

“ _What? How is that possible?_ ”

“ _It’s a long story._ ” He teases her.

“ _Oh come on! You can’t leave it at that. You have to tell me now.”_

“ _You can actually thank Bryce for your first kiss with Justin._ ”

They look around them, remembering everything they experienced here and Zach begins the story of the night Jessica and Justin kissed for the first time from his perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be mad at me for the short chapter. It's working better this way, trust me ;)


	99. Are You Gonna Be My Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys will be boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Jet's – Are You Gonna Be My Girl

“ _Justin had a crush on you since the Winter Formal, but he was friend with Alex so he didn’t feel like he should try anything. Of course, Bryce didn’t give a shit about the way Alex would feel so he decided to come up with a plan to help Justin.”_

* * *

Justin, Zach, Monty and Bryce hang out in his pool, throwing a ball at each other.

“ _Justy, when are you going to make your move?_ ”

“ _What are you talking about?_ ” Justin answers.

“ _Jessica. You’ve been crushing on her since last winter. You’re usually a lot faster to get them into your bed._ ”

“ _Shut up._ ” Justin replies playfully as he throws the ball at Bryce.

“ _Did our boy loose his game?_ ” Monty teases him.

“ _She’s Alex’s ex._ ” Justin explains.

“ _So? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you banging her. They’ve been broken up for months._ ” Bryce casually says.

“ _It’s not… it’s not like that._ ” Justin is a little embarrassed to say it’s actually more than a simple crush.

“ _Oh my god. Do you actually like her?_ ” Zach asks.

“ _It doesn’t matter._ ”

“ _Holly shit. You do like her._ ” Bryce realizes.

“ _It doesn’t matter. Even if I do, Alex is always around and she only hangs out with us because of him._ ”

“ _You wanna test this theory?_ ” Bryce asks him.

“ _Why do I feel like you’re having a terrible idea?_ ” Zach comments.

“ _You think she only hangs out with us to be with Alex right? What if we find a way the two of you hang out together without him? Like, she shows up and it’s only you. If she’s happy to hang out with you, you know it’s not about Alex.”_ Bryce prepares his plan.

“ _It’s a dumb idea and I told you, I don’t want to do this to him._ ”

“ _Justy, don’t you think Jessica would be with him by now if she wanted to?_ ”

“ _Your point is…?”_ Justin doesn’t understand.

“ _It means it’s over for good between them. This is your chance man!_ ” Monty explains.

“ _Okay. What’s your idea?_ ”

“ _Really?_ ” Zach asks him.

“ _What? This is my chance._ ” Justin jokingly replies, not really considering following the plan.

“ _We plan a hang out at the pier this week-end, but only the two of you will actually go.”_

“ _So basically I could just ask her out?_ ”

“ _Okay then, go ahead, ask her out.”_ Bryce challenges him.

Justin feels dumb. He’s not usually that shy when it comes to girls, but somehow Jessica has a way to make him loose his usual confidence.

“ _How do we_ _do that without it being obvious?”_

“ _We plan it like every other hangout, but at the last second, we all come up with a lie to explain why we can’t actually make it. Well, except you obviously._ ”

“ _What about Alex? I’m sure he won’t be thrilled by this._ ” Justin worries.

“ _Simple. We don’t invite him in the first place._ ” Bryce answers.

“ _What if Jessica tells him about it?_ ”

“ _That’s actually great. If it’s only you and Jessica, you’ll know she didn’t talk to him and it will confirm it’s definitely over between them._ ”

“ _If that happens, you can always leave.”_ Bryce reassures him.

“ _That’s a terrible idea._ ” Justin laughs.

“ _You’ll thank me later._ ” Bryce responds as he throws the ball to him. 


	100. Let's Go Back to the Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Scientist · Coldplay

“ _To be honest, I had a crush on Justin since the winter formal too, but I didn’t feel like it would be fair to Hannah to do anything about it. When she drove me home after the dance, she made it clear she thought he was a bad guy. Somehow, I didn’t trust her, even so I knew about the whole picture story. I was excited to hang out at the pier that night because I knew Justin was going to be there. At school that day, he casually asked me if I was coming. Now I know it was because of the plan, but at that time, I didn’t make anything of it. I was happy to get a chan_ _c_ _e to hang out with him. It felt nice just being around him, even if I thought I would never date him. My parents let me use the car. When I arrived, no one was there. I was about to call someone to make sure there wasn’t a change of plans when Justin scared the shit out of me._ ” Jessica laughs as she remembers it.

* * *

Jessica is seated in her parked car on the pier, just about to call someone when there’s a knock on her window. She jumps and opens her window when she realizes it’s Justin.

“ _Jesus. You scared the shit out of me._ ” She laughs.

“ _I’m so sorry._ ”

“ _Where is everybody?_ ”

“ _I don’t know. Maybe they’re a little late. I’m sure they’ll be here._ ” Justin is not confident enough to tell her it’s just the two of them tonight.

Jessica closes the window and exits her car.

“ _Let’s wait for them then. I’m surprised you’re not with Bryce._ ” Jessica comments as they walk towards the end of the pier.

“ _Yeah… I… he had a family thing so he told me not to wait for him to come here._ ”

“ _But he’s coming right?_ ”

“ _I… uhm…”_ Justin takes out his phone, it’s the moment he’s supposed to lie. “ _Shit. He’s not actually._ ” He pretends to read a text. “ _His family dinner is still going and he can’t ditch it_.”

“ _Oh. Okay. We can hang out without him, but what about the others?_ ”

Justin is getting anxious, he’s sure she’s going to drive back home if they don’t show up.

“ _I know Monty is not coming because he’s grounded. Let me text Zach and Alex to see if they’re on their way._ ”

Jessica is starting to realize there’s a chance they might end up alone tonight. She could call Sheri or another cheerleader friend of hers, but she’s happy with the possibility of having Justin all to herself.

“ _It’s okay. Two people is not really a party, but I’m sure we can have fun anyway._ ”

Justin is relieved.

“ _I’m glad you think that, because it turns out Zach has to babysit his sister and Alex is not coming either._ ”

“ _Well, it’s just you and me Foley._ ”

Jessica feels embarrassed of the way she said that, but Justin laughs and it reassures her.

“ _It is. What should we do?”_

“ _We can just… hang out and talk.”_ Jessica doesn't want to make a big deal of this.

They sit at the edge of the pier, their legs above the water.

> “ _We spend hours talking about so_ _many_ _different things. School, sports, the town, our friends. It was so easy to talk to him. The discussion got more serious when he mentioned Hannah._ ”

* * *

“ _Are you still friend with Hannah?_ ”

“ _Not really. We grew apart since I joined the team and started hanging out with you guys._ ”

“ _I’m sure she’s not really a fan of us,_ _of_ _me especially._ ”

“ _Can you blame her? That was fucked up to send this picture around and to spread those lies._ ”

“ _It was, but it wasn’t me.”_

Jessica rolls her eyes at him, not convinced.

“ _I mean, it was my fault, but I didn’t do it._ ”

“ _How did that happen?_ ”

“ _I showed the picture to Bryce and he send it around. I know I shouldn’t have showed it to him, but he knew about our date and he wouldn’t let it go. I felt like I had to give him something so he would shut up about it._ ” 

“ _That was a dumb idea_.”

“ _Yeah, well, I’m pretty dumb so..._ ”

“ _I don’t think you’re dumb. Everyone does stupid shit sometimes. What about the lies?_ ”

“ _People saw the picture and assumed stuff. I should have set the record straight, but I was afraid of what people would say about me then._ ”

“ _Okay, maybe you’re a little dumb._ ”

It makes Justin laugh.

“ _I apologized to Hannah and she forgave me, but that doesn’t make it right.”_

“ _The two of you are still talking?”_ Jessica is surprised, after everything Hannah said about him.

“ _Not much. We just text from time to time.”_

Jessica can’t believe it.

_Hannah is pretty hypocrite. She claims he’s a bad guy and I should stay away, but she doesn’t._

“ _I kind of understand. Alex made this stupid list, but I keep talking to him anyway.”_

“ _Why did he put your name on that list anyway?”_

“ _It doesn’t matter.”_

“ _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”_

“ _It’s okay. I get why you’re curious.”_

“ _Why are you still hanging out with him?”_

“ _I’m not really. I hang out with you and he happens to be there. To be honest there’s a part of me that really misses him.”_

Justin is disappointed to hear that.

“ _Are you still in love_ _with_ _him?”_

Jessica didn’t expect such a personal question, but she feels comfortable enough to open up to him.

“ _I don’t think I ever was. We were friends before we started dating and I miss my friend.”_

“ _Why don’t you tell him that? I’m sure he’ll be happy to know.”_

“ _Because he’s still in love with me. Or, at least that’s what he_ _told me. I don’t want to ask him to be my friend when I know he wants more.”_

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _Because I know how it feels to want to be with someone who will never be anything more than a friend.”_

Jessica looks up at Justin and they look deep inside each others eyes for a few seconds before Justin breaks the exchange and looks down at the water.

“ _Me too.”_ He says in a low voice.

“ _Really?_ ” Jessica gets curious.

“ _Uhm… yeah._ ” Justin gets too shy to be clear about it.

“ _You’re like one of the most popular guy in school, I wonder who would refuse to date you.”_

Justin isn’t really happy with this response. He doesn’t want a girl who loves him because he’s popular, he wants someone that wants him for him.

“ _Says the cheerleader.”_ He teases her.

“ _I never said I can’t find a guy that wants to date me. It’_ _s_ _just… I started dating Alex because I liked him a lot and we got along really well, but I don’t want to date someone just for that… I want someone… that makes my heart skip a beat every time I see his stupid smile._ ”

Justin looks up at her with his stupid smile and her heart skips a beat.

“ _The person I really want to be with, makes my heart melt every-time I hear her laugh.”_

Jessica looks at him with a big smile, starting to realize he’s talking about her.

“ _His stupid smile isn’t the only thing I like about him. I had a lot of fun with him tonight.”_

“ _I think he would be pretty sad to know you’ll never be more than friend with him.”_ Justin says as he looks straight in her eyes, having found his confidence back the moment he realized Jessica is actually interested in him.

“ _He can still change my mind.”_ Jessica challenges him.

Justin leans closer to her and Jessica moves closer to him as well, until their lips touch, in a sweet and tender kiss. When the kiss ends, Jessica giggles and Justin’s heart melts.

* * *

“ _We kept talking for a while after that. We kissed many times as well. At the end of the night, I offered him a ride home, but he refused. I found out later he didn’t want me to see where he lived. But that’s it, the story of our first kiss._ ” Jessica finishes the story with a big smile on her face when Zach’s phone rings. 


	101. All I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : All I Want · Kodaline

Zach looks at his phone.

“ _It’s Alex._ ” He informs Jessica.

“ _Well, answer. He could join us!_ ” Jessica drunkenly offers.

“ _Wow, we could almost recreate one of those parties._ ” He chuckles as he answers.

> “ _Hey Zach._ ”

“ _Alex! Tell me you’re ready to have some fun!_ ”

> “ _Jeez, how drunk are you?_ ”

“ _We’re pretty busted._ ” Zach answers with a laugh.

> “ _Whose we? Is Jessica with you?_ ”

“ _Yeah! We’re reminiscing our glory days.”_

> _“Where the hell are you?”_

“ _At the pier. I’m sure you remember the place.”_

> “ _Seriously_?”

“ _Yeah, wanna join?”_ Zach offers.

> _“Don’t go anywhere. We’re coming to get you guys.”_

“ _We’re not moving.”_

“ _Bring Charlie!” Jess shouts in the phone._

> _“Don’t even think of driving okay? We’re on our way.”_

Alex hangs up.

“ _He didn’t sound ready to party."_ Zach looks like a child that was refused another piece of cake.

“ _I’m sure we can wore him down.”_ Jessica is determined to keep ignoring everything else going on.

“ _He’s going to get mad at us, you realize that right?”_

“ _It wouldn’t be the first time he gets mad at me, but for once I didn’t do anything wrong.”_

“ _Jeez. Do you remember when he found out you and Justin kissed?”_ Zach chuckles.

“ _He got mad at Justin more than me, but I do remember.”_

“ _If only my problems were that easy now.” She ads in a sadder tone._

“ _No, no, no! None of that depressing stuff.”_ Zach tries to encourage her as he gets up.

“ _Come, on, get up and let’s do something fun._ ”

“ _I think I already had way too much fun._ ” She answers as she shows him her almost empty bottle.

“ _Come on Jess! You need to keep your party spirit up!”_ He extends his hand to help her up.

She is thankful Zach helps her, because the world spins around her when she does.

“ _What now?_ ” She asks, waiting for an idea.

“ _It’s a party. Let’s dance!_ ”

Jessica laughs.

“ _There’s no music._ ”

“ _We don’t need music._ ”

He takes her arm and makes her spin. They almost fall, but it makes them both laugh so they keep dancing, feeling free for once.

“ _What the hell?_ ” Clay’s sharp voice interrupts them.

They stop dancing and try to calm down.

“ _What are you doing?_ ” Alex asks them.

“ _Dancing._ ” Jessica answers with a smile.

“ _This is so wrong, on so many levels._ ” Alex points out.

Clay is extremely angry at Jessica. Justin is fighting for his life and she’s dancing with his best friend.

“ _I invited you to the party. Don’t be a buzzkill._ ” Zach says, pointing his finger at Alex.

“ _Why are you partying exactly?_ ” Charlie tries to understand.

“ _Do we need a reason?_ ” Jessica answers.

“ _Do you have one for not answering your phone?_ ” Clay bitterly asks her.

“ _Shit. I totally forgot.”_ She shoves Zach in the arm. “ _This is your fault!_ ”

She turns back to grab it, but stumbles. Alex catches her.

“ _How much did you drink?_ ” He worries.

Jessica grabs her bag and the bottle which she shows him.

“ _About… that much.”_

Alex, Charlie and Clay exchange a look. This is a lot.

Jessica turns on her phone.

“ _What’s going on here, really? Between the two of you?_ ” Alex is tired of the lies.

“ _A party, until you interrupted it._ ” Zach is bothered by the turn of events.

“ _Not right now. Everyday. You two are hiding something._ ” Charlie wants answers.

Clay looks at the four of them, not understanding the situation at all. He just wants to get it over with.

The moment is definitely over, Jessica is brought back to reality. She still doesn’t want to face it so she places her bag on her shoulder and walks past Alex, Zach and Charlie, ignoring them all. Zach sees she’s back to her usual self. Well, the person she’s been lately at least.

“ _Where are you going?_ ” Alex asks, but she doesn’t respond. Instead she brings the bottle back to her mouth.

Charlie, Clay and Alex begins to follow her. Zach grabs his bottle and puts it inside his bag before he follows them.

“ _Are the two of you sleeping together?_ ” Alex asks.

“ _We aren’t._ ” Jessica answers sharply.

“ _Guys, come on, this doesn’t concern you._ ” Zach tries to stop them.

“ _Wait, wait, wait. What is going on?_ ” Clay finally asks, understanding he missed something.

“ _What the hell are you doing here?_ ” Alex asks again.

“ _What is going on between you two?_ ” Clay insists.

“ _We’re just having fun!_ ” Jessica answers and stops walking when her minds brings her back to the night Justin told her Bryce raped her. She shakes her head to chase the memory and keeps walking.

“ _Why the fuck are you doing this?_ ” Alex continues.

_Why the fuck are you here with Bryce?_

Jessica swears she hears Justin’s voice. She stops again, paralyzed.

“ _Jess!_ ” Clay takes her arm to force her to look at them and she’s startled, remembering now how Diego took her arm the night of the party.

“ _Clay!_ ” Zach tries to stop him at the same time, seeing how rough his gesture is.

“ _Zach saved me!_ ” Jessica let’s out.

They all look at her, not understanding it.

“ _Jess, you don’t have to do this._ ” Zach doesn’t want her to regret talking about this.

She finishes her bottle.

“ _I do. Because apparently I’’ll always be a drunk slut!_ ”

“ _It’s not what we meant!_ ” Alex defends himself.

“ _Fucking Diego...he...”_ She stops talking, not strong enough to say it.

“ _What about him?_ ” Charlie asks in a gentle voice.

Jessica shakes her head again, trying to keep the memories at bay.

“ _He tried to rape me._ ” She admits.

“ _If it wasn't for Zach he would have._ ”

All of them stare at her with shock and pity.

Jessica chuckles, she’s now a victim again. She walks to the trashcan and throw her empty bottle in.

“ _Do you have any other question?_ ” She asks with bitterness.

“ _I’m so sorry._ ” Alex apologizes.

“ _Don’t._ ” She brings her hand up. “ _Don’t fucking say that to me. I don’t need it._ ”

She begins to walk again when her phone buzzes in her back-pocket. She stops to take it out.

Clay realizes she’s going to see all of his messages, but it’s too late when he begins to walk towards her. Her phone is already in her hand and she’s reading all of his texts and seeing all her missed calls.

She turns around with fear in her eyes. 

Her mouth opens to ask the question, but the words don’t come out. 


	102. Paralyzed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : NF – Paralyzed

“ _Let me drive you home._ ” Clay offers.

“ _Tell me._ ” Jessica asks in a whisper, seeing he’s avoiding the subject.

Zach looks at them, beginning to understand something bad must have happened.

“ _You should sober up first. I’ll tell you later._ ” Clay tries.

“ _Tell me._ ” Jessica asks again.

“ _Let’s get you home_.” Clay insists.

He begins to walk towards his car, followed by Alex and Charlie.

“ _Tell me_.” Jessica raises her voice, refusing to move.

Zach gets closer to her to try to convince her to come with them.

“ _Come on._ ” He says as he gently puts his hand on her back.

Jessica pushes him away.

“ _Tell me!_ ” She yells.

Clay leaves his spot and slowly approaches her. Jessica is paralyzed with fear, looking at him, waiting for the bad news.

Clay gives a look to Zach and he understands so he leaves the two of them alone and makes his way to Clay’s car.

“ _Is he still alive?_ ” Jessica asks in a whisper as she looks straight into Clay’s eyes.

“ _He is. He’s alive Jessica._ ” Clay decides to reassure her first, having experienced earlier today what she is now. He gives her a second to process the information before he continues.

“ _But he’s not doing great. They had to intubate him this morning._ ”

“ _What… what does it mean?_ ” Jessica shakes her head.

“ _His body couldn’t fight the infection because it was asking a lot of his body to breath on his own. They placed him on a respirator that breathes for him._ ”

“ _He’s not breathing anymore?_ ” Jessica focuses on the scary part.

“ _The respirator does that for him now, but it’s only temporary._ ”

“ _It’s only temporary?_ ” Jessica asks for confirmation.

“ _It is._ ”

Jessica takes a deep breath.

“ _Okay._ ” She responds. She can survive that.

“ _You shouldn’t stay alone tonight. Why don’t you stay with me?_ ” Clay offers.

“ _I’m fine and I won’t be alone. Zach is staying with me._ ” She says as she points at him.

Clay looks at Zach and he nods, confirming the story.

“ _Okay, I’ll drive you both to your house then.”_

* * *

Clay drops Alex and Charlie off on the school parking lot before he drives to Jessica’s. He parks his car in front of her house and exits it with the both of them, mostly to make sure they’ll be able to make it to the door, but also because he wants to talk to Jess. This massive thing happened to her and he had no idea. If he has to look after her, he needs to do a much better job.

“ _Can I come in with you?_ ” He asks for the permission.

“ _Sure._ ” She answers, sensing there’s another conversation coming.

“ _I’ll be sobering up on your couch.”_ Zach leaves the two of them.

They make their way to the kitchen. Jessica sits down at the table, her head in her hands.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

She shakes her head before she looks up at him.

“ _Why did I drink so much? Why did I turn my phone off?_ ” She is mad at herself.

“ _I think we all have our ways of copping with things._ ” Clay answers, as he opens the cabinet to take out two glasses. He fills them both with water. He places one in front of Jessica.

“ _Drink this._ ”

He leaves the kitchen for a second to bring the other to Zach.

He comes back in the kitchen and sits across her.

“ _When did it happen? Diego._ ”

“ _I don’t want to talk about it._ ”

“ _I understand that, we don’t have to talk about it, but… are you okay?_ ” He learned from the mistakes he made in the past.

“ _I am._ ”

Clay rolls his eyes at her.

“ _You seem fine._ ”

“ _I am. Nothing really happened. Like I said, Zach stopped it. It’s all good.”_

“ _I’m glad he did._ ”

Jessica takes a sip of water.

“ _I know Zach is staying with you tonight, but if you ever feel alone, you can always come to the outhouse.”_

“ _Thank you, but like I said..._ ”

“ _You’re fine. I get it._ ” He cuts her off, a little frustrated she doesn’t open up to him.

“ _Please, just… don’t tell anyone about what I told you tonight okay?_ ”

“ _Yeah, if that’s what you want, I won’t tell anyone.”_

Jessica offers him a thankful nod.

“ _Justin..._ ” Jessica starts “ _… I’m guessing I’m still not allowed to visit him?_ ”

“ _Sorry._ ” Clay feels bad for her, but at least she doesn’t have to see him like this.

“ _Who is staying with him tonight?_ ”

“ _Our mom._ ”

Jessica smiles.

“ _That’s nice. I’m glad he’s not alone._ ”

Suddenly, she remembers.

“ _Did you ended up talking to him yesterday?”_

“ _I did._ ” Clay is not sure he should tell him how afraid Justin seemed.

“ _And?_ ”

“ _And… he told me he had more and more trouble breathing, that he wasn’t feeling well.”_

“ _Did he told you anything we didn’t already know?_ ”

“ _Not really, he was just a little scared things would get worse._ ”

“ _And they did. They always do._ ” Jessica comments, defeated.

“ _They don’t. Look at Tyler, at Alex, or even at me. We all got better. Justin will too.”_

Jessica nods, thankful Clay is trying.

* * *

When Clay leaves, Jessica joins Zach on her couch.

“ _Still drunk?_ ” She asks him.

“ _Not really. You?_ ”

“ _Some things have a way to sober you up quicker than you ever thought possible._ ” She replies with the words he told her the night of Winston’s party.

“ _I’m so sorry about today. I should never have turned your phone off._ ”

“ _It’s okay. I actually had a lot of fun today, even so I shouldn’t have drink that much._ ”

“ _Yeah, it was fun to pretend our lives were different for a couple hours.”_

They sit in silence a few minutes, far from the laughter they shared all afternoon.

“ _Will you come with me to the hospital tomorrow?”_ Jessica asks him in a sad voice.

“ _Of course.”_ He responds as he squeezes her hand to bring her some comfort.

“ _Thank you._ ” She tells him with a sad smile.

They stay like this for a few minutes, holding hands before Jessica turns on the TV to fill the quietness of her house.


	103. She Has No Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica has to make one of the biggest decision of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : She Has No Time · Keane

_You've heard of the butterfly effect, right?_

_3…_

> * * *

“ _Can you please just answer? It’s at least the fifth time it rings this morning._ ” A pretty bothered Zach asks Jessica as he enters her kitchen. He’s not happy to have been woken up by the rings of the landline phone.

“ _It’s my parents. If forgot to call them yesterday._ ”

“ _So, answer. They are probably worried._ ”

The phone rings again and Zach picks it up and hands it to her.

“ _Hi mom!_ ” Jessica responds in a falsely cheerful voice.

\- - -

“ _I’m so sorry. I was in the shower.”_

\- - -

“ _I have a paper due today. I worked on it all evening yesterday, I forgot to call.”_

\- - -

“ _Yeah… I did.”_

\- - -

“ _Yes, Colombia, just like I wanted.”_ She lies and Zach gives her a disapproving look.

\- - -

“ _This week-end? I don’t know, I have plans with Alex.”_

\- - -

“ _I know I told you I would, but this week-end I can’t._ ”

\- - -

“ _Alright. I’ll see if I can make it._ ”

\- - -

“ _Yeah, sure.”_

\- - -

“ _Bye.”_

She hangs up.

“ _My parents want me to visit them in Seattle._ ” She explains to Zach who sat down during the call.

“ _Maybe you should go. It might do you some good to get out of this town for a few days._ ”

“ _I can’t._ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _I don’t want to leave while Justin is in the hospital._ ”

“ _Maybe he’ll be out by this week-end.”_

“ _It’s actually another reason to stay.”_

“ _It’s just two days. If Justin is still in the hospital, you won’t miss anything and if he’s out, you’ll have a chance to talk to him once you get back.”_

“ _I can’t go, even if I wanted.”_

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _My parents left me money to buy a plane ticket, but I spend it.”_

“ _How?”_

“ _I… gave it… to someone.”_

“ _Who?”_

“ _It doesn’t matter. The money’s gone.”_

“ _It does matter. With everything that’s been going on lately, you can’t say that and not tell me all of it. You trust me right?”_

Jessica sighs.

“ _I gave it to Amber.”_

Zach is pretty surprised, but he doesn’t question it any further.

“ _I can give you some money.”_ He offers instead.

“ _No way. You’ve done and are doing enough already. I’ll just find another lie by this week-end. I’m starting to be really good at it.”_

Zach shakes his head, knowing it’s not the best option to keep adding lies to the lies, but he also knows there’s no changing her mind.

“ _How long do we have before we leave?”_ He asks.

“ _30 minutes._ ” She responds as she gets up. “ _I’m… I’m going to take a shower._ ”

* * *

They exit her house, but Jessica stops before she reaches the sidewalks.

> _I can’t do this._

Zach turns to look at her and sees she’s not exactly ready for what’s to come.

“ _Can you … can you drive please?_ ”

Zach nods and grabs the keys from her hand.

* * *

They’ve been driving for about an hour when the thought comes back to Jessica’s mind again.

> _I can’t do this._

She tries her best to chase it, changing the radio stations to distract her, but it doesn’t work.

“ _Pull over._ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _Pull over._ ” Jessica insists.

“ _There’s some parking lots further. We can stop there._ ”

“ _It can’t wait! Pull over._ ” She orders him, so he does.

The car has barely stopped when Jessica opens the door and exits to puke in the grass by the road.

She bends in half and pukes for a few minutes before she returns to the car.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Zach asks, worried something might be really wrong with her.

“ _Fine. It’s just part of the hangover._ ” She responds blankly.

She leans down to grab her purse, more specifically the water bottle inside it.

“ _This part usually happens before the hangover._ ” Zach points out.

“ _Just drive._ ” She ignores it.

* * *

Before they enter the hospital, Jessica stops again.

> _I can’t do this._

Zach stops as well, and waits for her to continue or at least say something. 

After a few seconds, she does.

“ _If I call Justin right now, do you think there’s a chance in the world he might answer?_ ” She asks blankly, her eyes fixed on the hospital’s entrance.

Zach doesn’t answer. He doesn’t have to ; they both know the answer.

* * *

Jessica is seated on a chair facing her doctor. Zach is waiting outside.

“ _Before we go through with the procedure, I’m going to explain it to you one last time.”_

Jessica doesn’t need to hear this. She explained the procedure to her last time she was here and another time just five minutes ago. She also read many articles online about it. She knows it by heart now.

> _I can’t do this._

Jessica nods, pretending to listen to what she’s saying, but her mind keeps replaying the same thing.

> _I can’t do this._

She pays attention again, when her doctor asks her something.

“ _Excuse me?”_ She feels silly to ask, but she wasn’t listening so she doesn’t have a choice.

“ _Last time we talked, you told me you didn’t tell the father about it. Did you end up telling him?_ ”

“ _I can’t do this.”_

“ _I understand, you don’t have to tell him, but we encourage you to have a support system. It can be...”_

“ _No.”_ Jessica cuts her off.

“ _I… I can’t do this. I can’t go through with the procedure.”_

“ _It’s normal to be a little scared, but...”_

“ _It’s not that. I… I want to have this baby. I’m sure of it.”_

Jessica is surprised herself, but as she says it, she realized it’s the simple truth. She wants this baby with Justin, she wants this family and this future.

Her doctor nods.

“ _This is your choice, but I am obligated to ask; are you sure about this?”_

“ _I am.”_ A smile appears on her face as she puts her hand on her stomach. “ _This is what I want._ ”

“ _Okay, then we should use this appointment for a check-up._ ” The doctors responds with an encouraging smile.

“ _Shit.”_ Jessica let’s out, remembering yesterday.

The doctor shoots her a surprised look.

“ _I’m sorry. Yesterday I was having a really bad day and I thought I was going to go through with the abortion so..._ ” She feels ashamed and angry at herself. “ _… I drank alcohol. A lot of it._ ”

“ _I’m going to be honest with you Jessica. Alcohol consumption can be really dangerous for the fetus._ ”

“ _What can I do?_ ”

“ _Don’t drink again during the pregnancy. When you drink, alcohol passes from your blood through the placenta and to your baby. A baby's liver is one of the last organs to develop and it does not mature until the later stages of pregnancy. Too much exposure to alcohol can seriously affect the baby’s development. After the first 3 months of your pregnancy it could affect your baby after he’s born. Mostly learning difficulties and behavioral problems, but it can also cause a serious condition called fetal alcohol syndrome._ ”

“ _What is it?_ ”

“ _Symptoms include poor growth, distinct facial features, learning and_ _behavioral_ _problems._ ”

Jessica gets terrified listening to everything that could go wrong because of her. She did it again, caused chaos to someone’s else life; her own child.

“ _When can we know if there’s going to be any consequences?”_

“ _We can identify some of these symptoms throughout some exams as your baby keeps growing, but some things we won’t know for sure_ _until after_ _the birth.”_

“ _Okay._ ” Jessica takes it in, forced to face the consequences of her actions.

“ _Let’s exterminate you to make sure everything’s okay so far.”_ Her doctor says as she gets up from behind her desk and begins to walk toward the examination chair in the room.

Jessica needs a second before she can join her, stuck on the chair, her whole body paralyzed. 


	104. Let You Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : NF – Let You Down

Jessica doesn’t say a word to Zach when they leave the hospital. He doesn’t know how to react, so he doesn’t say anything either. When they sit in the car, Zach looks at her before he starts the car, trying to find the right words, but he gives up when he realizes there isn’t any. He’s about to turn the ignition when Jessica speaks.

“ _I didn’t do it._ ”

She is barely audible, so Zach has to ask her to repeat.

“ _What?_ ”

“ _I couldn’t do it._ ” She uses different words, but the feeling is the same.

“ _Oh._ ” Zach wonders why she looks so upset if she didn’t go trough with it.

He starts the car and they drive off.

She rests her head against the window, thinking about everything the doctor told her.

> _I criticized Amber, but my baby isn’t even born yet and I already put him in danger._

“ _Should we stop on the way to grab something to eat?_ ” Zach offers.

“ _I’m not hungry_.” She responds, still looking out the window.

“ _How can you not be? You didn’t eat anything last night and I’m pretty sure you didn’t eat anything this morning either._ ”

“ _I’m just… not._ ” She answers in a shrug.

“ _We’re stopping and you’re going to eat something.”_

She doesn’t react.

“ _Why didn’t you go through with the abortion?_ ”

She looks at him, surprised he got the guts to ask.

“ _Because I think it means you want to have this baby right?”_

“ _It does.”_ Her tone is a little bit softer.

“ _So don’t be_ _so_ _fucking_ _stubborn and think of your baby. You’ve got to eat._ ”

Jessica chuckles, surprised Zach actually stood up to her. It hasn’t happened for a long time.

“ _Okay… if you promise me something in return._ ”

“ _What’s that?_ ”

“ _When we get home, you’ll go to school._ ”

“ _Are you going?_ ”

“ _You know I’m not. I’m going to the hospital.”_ As she says this, she takes out her phone.

“ _Clay and Alex both texted me to check where I was and if I was okay. When we get to Evergreen, I’ll drop you at school where you can tell Alex everything’s fine and I’ll join Clay in the hospital.”_

“ _Deal, but you better eat a full meal for this.”_

* * *

When Jessica arrives at the hospital, part of her wants to break the rule and go straight to Justin’s room, but she doesn’t. She sits in the waiting room, per usual, because there’s a reason she’s not allowed to see Justin and she doesn’t want to put someone else she loves in danger. If Clay is in there, he doesn’t have his phone, so there’s no point texting him. She hopes he comes out soon, but he doesn’t. After a while, she decides to look through her emails. Bolan send her one; he wants to see her in his office as soon as she decides to come back to school. _This doesn’t seem good_. There’s another one coming from the email used by HO. They don’t ask to see her, they politely let her know she’s been replaced by Casey as the leader of the group. It doesn’t matter anyway, the only things that matter right now are in this hospital; her baby and his father. She stays as late as she can and when she sees Lainie and Clay come out of the room, she knows it’s time to leave too. They don’t tell her much, because there’s not much to tell. _No change._

* * *

She spends her night on her couch again. Awake, again. She thinks about Hannah and how she made a list of everyone that hurt her. She should make a list too, but not of the people who hurt her ; a list of the people she hurt or let down. It wouldn’t be a short list. It started with Hannah, then Alex, Jeff, Justin, her parents, Ani, Clay, Monty, Winston, Diego, … She let everyone at school down lately, including the people who counted on her the most. Today she found out she may even have hurt her own child. She refuses to let that happen, starting now, she’ll do everything she can to fix everything she broke. Sadly, some things can’t be fixed. It’s too late to repair some of the damage she’s done. Still, it doesn’t mean she can’t do anything about it. She takes her laptop from the coffee-table and searches for a way to make things right. 


	105. Deep End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ruelle-Deep End

… _That if a butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time, in just the right place,_ _i_ _t can cause a hurricane thousands of miles away…_

_2…_

> * * *

The next morning, Alex walks towards Jessica who is at her locker.

“ _Hi.”_ He greets her.

“ _Hey.”_ She responds in a monotone tone.

“ _I’m glad you decided to come._ ” Alex offers her with a supportive smile.

“ _I’m not staying._ ”

“ _Why did you come?_ ”

“ _Bolan wants to see me._ ”

“ _You only came to see Bolan?_ ”

“ _Yeah and after that I don’t plan on staying._ ”

She doesn’t look at him the whole time, she’s just focused on the books in her locker.

“ _I’m so sorry about...”_

“ _Can you not?_ ” She cuts him off.

“ _I don’t need your apology._ ” She continues and shuts her locker down before she leaves Alex alone and walks towards Bolan’s office. 

Alex watches her walk away, worried. She’s a shell of herself; not talking, not smiling, keeping her head down, hiding as she makes her way in the hallway. She doesn’t even look like herself anymore. He has to find a way to engage with her to help her.

* * *

“ _You received my email?”_ Bolan asks her as she takes the seat across his desk.

“ _I did. That’s why I’m here._ ”

“ _You’ve missed a couple of days lately._ ”

“ _Justin is in the hospital. Clay missed some days as well._ ”

“ _I understand how stressful this whole situation might be for you, but you have to think about your future here. Have you heard from colleges?_ ”

“ _I did hear from them, but it looks like I won’t be going after all.”_

“ _I’m sorry Jessica. Would you like me to contact some for you? I’m sure we can find a solution._ ”

“ _No, it’s okay. I’m okay with not attending.”_

“ _I’m surprised you’re giving up. You’re usually not one to back away from a fight.”_

“ _I’m not giving up, I’m accepting the reality. You’ve seen my SAT scores right?”_

“ _I did, but I think you still have options…_ ”

“ _I appreciate your help, but I don’t need it._ ” She cuts him off.

Bolan looks at her, trying to find a way to help.

“ _I actually came to see you because I want to officially resign._ ” Jessica let’s out.

“ _Have you really thought about this?”_

“ _I did, and it probably would be best for everyone if someone else was in charge of this position.”_

“ _I’m not sure about this. You did a lot of good for many students. The year is almost over, why would you quit now?”_

“ _It is allowed right? I can quit if I want to?”_

“ _It is, but that is not the point...”_

“ _I’m not the student body president anymore. There’s no changing my mind.”_

“ _If that’s what you want, I can’t legally refuse your resignation.”_

“ _Then it’s settle_ _.”_

She begins to get up.

“ _Jessica.”_ Bolan’s firm tone forces her to sit back down.

“ _I’ve been informed you quit HO as well._ ”

“ _I didn’t quit. I just got busy and… I don’t have time for this anymore, but don’t worry. Casey knows what she’s doing and everyone in the group trust her._ ”

“ _I know not being accepted by any college might be hard, but this is not a reason to throw out everything. There are still many people counting on you, including me.”_

Jessica sadly nods.

“ _I know. That’s why I quit._ ”

She gets up, leaves his office and walks out of school to drive off to the hospital.

* * *

Jessica is looking at the empty chairs in front of her in the waiting room. It isn’t usually this empty in here. The quietness of the room contrasts with the business in her mind, until she hears Alex’s voice as he sits down next to her.

“ _I know you don’t need my apology, but I owe you one._ ”

“ _You should be in school.”_

“ _So should you.”_

Jessica shrugs.

“ _I’ve been a terrible friend pretty much all year._ ” Alex continues.

“ _You haven’t._ ” Jessica corrects him.

“ _I have, but I won’t be anymore. I won’t let you stay in here alone all day long. I’m staying with you._ ”

“ _Alex, I’m thankful you want to be there for me, but you shouldn’t.”_

“ _Why not?_ ”

“ _Because you can’t get in trouble for me, not anymore.”_

“ _I’m skipping one day in the last semester of our senior year, I wouldn't call this getting in trouble.”_

“ _I don’t know, Bolan seems to keep an eye on attendance.”_

“ _Is this why he wanted to talk to you?”_

“ _Pretty much, yeah.”_

“ _Did he call your parents?”_

“ _I don’t think so.”_

“ _Then I’m not worried and if he ends up calling my parents I’m sure they won’t get mad at me for spending the afternoon in the hospital with you.”_

“ _I’m actually kind of scared he might call my parents.”_

“ _If he does, I’m sure they’ll understand you want to be there for Justin.”_

“ _They won’t. They have no idea the two of us are still close.”_

“ _Didn’t they know you two got back together?”_

“ _They don’t. They think the only contact I have with him anymore is because he’s living with Clay.”_

“ _Why didn’t you tell them the truth? Are you ashamed of it?”_

“ _Absolutely not. It’s just… my parents hate him. They only see a trouble kid who hurt me and… they don’t know him, at all. I’m just tired of people criticizing him and our relationship. I had to go through it everyday at school. I had to hear you criticize him and it hurt me, because you’re my best friend, and you knew how much I love him. I didn’t want my parents to do the same. I couldn’t take it.”_

“ _I’m sorry.”_

“ _You already apologized.”_

“ _Not about that. I think I didn’t know what love really was and I couldn’t understand your choices and your relationship with him, but now that I do, I get it and I’m sorry I judged the both of you.”_

“ _So you love him, Charlie?”_

Alex chuckles and his cheeks turn red.

“ _I think I’m really starting to.”_

“ _You should tell him. You never know what fucked up shit this world is gonna bring next.”_

Alex nods and places his hand in front of her.

“ _FML?”_

“ _FML.”_

She responds in a sigh, but she doesn’t places her hand on top of his, instead she leans her head on his shoulder. Alex understands she’s terrified of loosing Justin.

> _She doesn’t need me right now, she needs him._

He’s the only one who could help her. 


	106. Coming Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Dum Dum Girls – Coming Down

Someone rings the doorbell and Jessica cautiously approaches the dooruntil she recognizes Lainie. She opens it.

“ _Jessica. I was hoping we could talk._ ” Lainie explains.

“ _Of course, come in.”_ Jessica offers her a warm smile as she takes a step back to invite her in.

Lainie looks around and notices how messy the house is. Jessica catches that.

“ _I’m sorry for the mess, it’s just been a crazy couple days._ ” She apologizes with a little shame.

“ _Do you need any help? It’s a lot to take care of a house by yourself._ ”

“ _It’s not really that hard. I’ve just been kind of busy.”_

Lainie nods, but she’s not convinced.Jessica points at the kitchen to invite Lainie to follow her there. It’s probably way less messy than the living room. It helps keep the kitchen clean when you don’t actually eat.

“ _Do you want anything to drink?_ ” Jessica offers Lainie who already sat down, eager to start the conversation.

“ _I’m okay._ ”

Jessica sits with her.

“ _Is everything okay?_ ” Jessica worries.

“ _I don’t know. That’s why I want to speak with you. You’ve known Justin for longer than I do._ ”

Jessica doesn’t understand where she’s going with this.

“ _You remember the first test results we got?”_

“ _Yes. They were good. You said it meant the disease hasn’t spread much right?”_

“ _I did say that, but maybe I shouldn’t have.”_

Jessica is confused.

“ _When he gave us the results, the doctor warned us they could have been this good because he begun his treatment at the same time. There can be a huge pike in numbers after the medicine is_ _first_ _induced in the body. It’s possible his results were this good because he didn’t get infected long ago, but it could also be a result of the treatment.”_ Lainie explains.

“ _There’s a chan_ _ce it might have progressed more than we thought?_ ”

“ _There is a chance, if he got infected earlier than we thought. We were convinced it happened during the time he spend on the streets, but maybe it happened before that. That’s why I came to you. You knew him. Did he ever use needles before he left town? Can you think of anything that might have caused him to get infected earlier?”_

“ _Can’t they make another test, to be sure?_ ”

“ _They can and they did it, but we won’t get the results until tomorrow, at best, and…”_

Lainie has to stop talking to contain her tears.

“… _he’s my son Jessica, but I don’t know him that well and I feel so stupid when his doctor asks me questions I don’t know the answers too. I figured you could help me figure it out.”_

Jessica understands very well what Lainie is saying, but the only thing that comes to her mind is the abuse he suffered from his mom’s boyfriend and she won’t betray his trust by sharing that. Besides, Justin was sexually active before she met him. There is many possibilities, but Lainie doesn’t need that right now, she needs to be reassured.

“ _He started shooting up while he was homeless and he had sex before he met me, but there’s not much I can tell you. I understand you feel helpless, I do too, but only the test results can give you the information you need. For what’s it’s worth, you’re an amazing mother to him and you’re doing everything the right way.”_

“ _You’re right and you’re very kind to say that, but I’m far from an amazing mother. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with Justin, just like I did with Clay. Motherhood is hard. There’s never one correct way to do things. You’re faced with millions of possibilities and you have to make choices without knowing if it’s the right one.”_

Lainie looks up and realize Jessica is crying.

“ _I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you with this. I shouldn’t have told you this. I’m just overthinking everything. The results we got could be right.”_

Jessica breaks down and takes her head inside her hands.

“ _I’m gonna have to do this alone.”_ She says in a sob.

Lainie places a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“ _I didn’t mean to upset you.”_

“ _It’s not you. I’m...”_ She can’t bring herself to say it.

“ _We shouldn’t prepare for the worst. There’s nothing indicating the first test results were only good because of the treatment.”_

“ _I can’t do this without him.”_

“ _What is it Jessica?_ ” Lainie asks in a soft and nurturing tone.

Jessica looks up at her with tears still rolling down her cheeks.

“ _I’m pregnant._ ” She tells Lainie the truth.

Lainie takes a second to process the information before she answers.

“ _You can trust me. You won’t have to do this alone.”_

Jessica shakes her head, starting to loose hope.

“ _You’re Justin’s family and that makes you my family too. You won’t be alone, for any of it.”_

Jessica nods and breaks down in Lainie’s arms.

“ _Does Justin know?”_

“ _I never got a chance to tell him.”_

“ _You will get one.”_ Lainie reassures her as she gently strokes her hair.

“ _Do you want to come home with me? You shouldn’t stay alone in here.”_ Lainie offers.

Jessica sits back down in her chair and wipes her tears away.

“ _Thank you, but I’m okay in here._ ”

“ _Okay. When did you find out?”_

“ _A while ago._ ” Jessica scoffs, regretting not telling Justin sooner.

“ _How far along are you?_ ”

Jessica smiles, Lainie reminds her of Clay when she asks question after question.

“ _Almost five months.”_

Lainie’s mouth opens in shock.

“ _I know, I hid it from everyone for way too long.”_ Jessica feels dumb _._

“ _No. I mean… it’s your choice. You’re free to tell people when you’re ready.”_

“ _I was planning on telling Justin the night he told me about his HIV.”_

“ _I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to do so.”_

“ _I’ll tell him when he wakes up. He has to, right?”_ Jessica hopefully asks.

Lainie nods, but can’t bring herself to lie by promising he will so she changes the subject.

“ _Five months… You’re barely showing.”_ Lainie says as she points at Jessica.

Jessica shrugs.

“ _I am. I just hide it well._ ” She answers with a little smile.

“ _Does anyone else know?_ ”

“ _Just Zach and now you. I don’t want to tell anyone else before I can tell Justin.”_

Lainie understand it.

“ _What do you think he’s gonna say?”_ Jessica asks, a little worried of the way Justin could react.

“ _You know him better than I do, but… I remember he asked the doctor about the possibility of having children when you have HIV. I can tell you he wants children, at some point. Of course, I would have preferred something in the far far future, but you can’t predict life. How do you feel about this?”_

“ _I was really scared at first and now I’m afraid Justin won’t be by my side for it, but… I can’t really explain it… it’s like I already love him with all my heart.”_ She says as she puts a hand on her belly.

“ _That’s part of being a mother._ ” Lainie says with a warm smile. “ _Unconditional love._ ”

“ _I’m glad you’re that mother for Justin.”_ Jessica is thankful.

“ _Did you see a doctor?”_

“ _Yes, twice. Zach found out about the pregnancy and he’s been coming with me to the appointments.”_

“ _See, you weren’t alone already. Now that I know, you definitely won’t be.”_

“ _Thank you.”_

“ _Thank you. I wouldn’t have Justin in my life if it wasn't for you.”_

“ _Clay brought him back. I didn’t do anything.”_

“ _Clay brought him back, but the only reason he agreed to come back to Evergreen with him was because of you.”_

“ _I’m sure it wasn’t.”_

“ _It was. Ask Clay. He’ll tell you Justin only agreed because Clay told him you wanted him back.”_

Lainie doesn’t say that to hurt Jessica, quite the opposite, but all Jessica can think about is the fact that Justin would have come back to Evergreen sooner if she only made the effort to look for him in Oakland and he probably wouldn’t have left in the first place if it wasn’t for her. He’s now fighting for his life because of her. If she makes the list of the people she hurt, Justin should be the first name on the top.

* * *

After that, it doesn’t take long before Lainie leaves and Jessica ends up alone again, but she’s not sad about it because she has work to do. 

She sits on her couch and grabs a notepad and a pen from the table. She decides to start the list.

> _1 – Justin_


	107. Spiraling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Jens Kuross – Spiraling

_It's chaos theory, but see, chaos theory isn't exactly about chaos. It's about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything._

_1…_

> * * *

Jessica looks up from her opened laptop when there’s a knock on her front door.

> _Shit._

It’s already Thursday morning. She spend all night working on her list and on the project she started on Tuesday.

She walks to her door and opens it.

“ _This feels like déja-vu._ ”

She comments when she sees Clay, Alex and Zach.

“ _What are you doing here?”_

“ _We’re taking you to school.”_ Alex announces.

“ _Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass.”_

“ _If I’m going to school, you’re going to school._ ” Clay tells her.

“ _Why are you?_ ”

“ _I spoke with my dad this morning and he made me realize Justin wouldn’t want us to spend our day in the hospital.”_

Jessica scoffs, not convinced by his argument.

“ _I actually agree with Clay on this. We have the chance to do things Justin can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to him not to take it.”_ Zach adds.

“ _Really? How is practice going?_ ” She replies sharply, but immediately regrets it.

“ _Not there yet, but I started PT again yesterday._ ” He informs her, not holding her tone against her.

“ _I doubt spending the day in class is at the top of the list of things he would love to do.”_ Jessica argues.

“ _We can do something else then. Any idea?_ ” Alex challenges her.

“ _I’m not...”_ She gestures towards her outfit. “ _… ready for school._ ”

“ _Good thing we came early then and… with breakfast.”_ Zach winks at her as he enters her house, followed by Alex and Clay.

“ _Fine. I’ll go get ready.”_ Jessica accepts, as she begins to walk up the stairs.

Zach goes directly to the kitchen to set the table for breakfast.

Alex and Clay enter the living room and share a worried look. The house is messier than they remembered.

“ _I’ll take care of this. Go help Zach._ ” Alex offers.

Alex tidies a few things; he folds the plaid, brings empty glasses to the kitchen sink, throws away a few things in the garbage. He grabs Jessica’s laptop and is about to close it when he sees the website opens on the screen.

“ _Do you need any help? I feel like we’re going to kill each other if we stay in the same room any longer._ ” Clay comes back in the living room.

Alex quickly closes the laptop.

“ _All good in here._ ”

He takes Jessica’s sweater from the armchair and hands it to Clay with the laptop.

“ _You can just bring this to her room._ ”

Once Clay leaves, Alex decides to look through the papers on the coffee-table; nothing out of the ordinary, except maybe a sheet of paper with only Justin’s name on it.

Alex doesn’t worry about it too much. He cleans as much as he can until Jessica comes back down. They sit and have breakfast together before they leave for school.

* * *

Jessica brought her unfinished list to school. After pretending to listen to the first two class of the day, she’s happy to have a free period to work on this. Normally, she would go to the cave, but that’s not a good safe place anymore considering the last events that happened there. She chooses to go to the library instead. She’s relieved Alex and Zach have another class right now and Clay left her for his robotics’ club. She sits down in a corner of the library, as far as she can be from others. She takes out a book and a notebook from her bag, pretending to work on it, when she’s actually trying to decide who should have the second place on her list. The list is long, but putting it in order is harder than she thought it would be. After a while, she finally ads a name.

> _2 – Alex_

As soon as she puts down her pen, Charlie sits at her table. She hides it under the notes she took earlier in class.

“ _Hey Jessica.”_

“ _Hi Charlie.”_

“ _I’m happy to see you here.”_

“ _Thanks.”_

“ _How are you doing?”_

“ _I’m fine.”_

“ _Really? Because I just came out from Bolan’s office and he doesn’t seem to think so.”_

“ _What did he tell you?”_

“ _You resigned?”_

“ _Yeah… I did.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _There’s a lot of things I have to take care of and I don’t have time for this anymore.”_

“ _I understand, but being the student body president doesn’t really come with that much work.”_

“ _That’s true, but I can’t really be invested in it right now, so it’s probably best to find someone who can.”_

“ _Bolan asked me.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah, but I refused. I don’t want to take your place.”_

“ _Charlie. I resigned. The position is open anyway. It might as well be you.”_

“ _It wouldn’t feel right.”_

“ _I disagree. I think you’re the perfect candidate to replace me. Besides, I’ll be gone soon anyway and you won’t.”_

Charlie looks at her, confused.

“ _I’m a senior and you’re not. Maybe you can start by replacing me and next year you could continue whatever you’ll start now.”_

“ _Well, it doesn’t exactly work like that. First, I’ll have to like … run and win.”_

“ _You’re an amazing guy and the quarterback of our football team. I’m sensing it won’t be that hard for you to win. If you want to of course.”_

“ _I’ve seen you fight, hard, to get to this position. Why are you giving up now?”_

“ _I’m not giving up, I just… need time… for myself.”_

Charlie nods.

“ _And you would be okay with me replacing you?”_

“ _No. I would be extremely happy with you replacing me.”_ She responds with a warm smile that he returns.

“ _Are you staying here all day?”_ He asks her.

“ _I don’t really have a choice so yeah, I am._ ”

Charlie questions her with his yes. She makes a sign with her hand, indicating it's not important.

“ _Great. I have a thank you gift for you. You’ll get it at lunch.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _Let me guess. Cookies?”_

“ _Nice guess, but wrong. I made brownies today.”_

“ _Special brownies or…?”_

“ _Deliciouss, but weed-free brownies.”_

“ _My favorites.”_ Jessica jokes.

Charlie leaves her side after the conversation ends. Jessica’s smile immediately drops. 

> _Back to work._

* * *

Jessica does her best to keep her head straight as she enters the cafeteria with Clay. They get their food and join Charlie and Alex. After a few seconds, Zach and Tony join them.

“ _Where’s Tyler?_ ” Jessica asks.

Tony chuckles.

“ _He’s been working on the yearbook like crazy lately.”_ He comments.

“ _It better be a freaking amazing yearbook if he skips lunch for this.”_ Alex adds.

They talk about the yearbook, what Tyler agreed to tell them about it so far and their past yearbooks. Jessica feels like everyone is looking at her. She looks up and realizes that many people actually are. Her phone vibrates with a text from Diego.

> _Diego : Welcome back to school! Liberty Tigers have even decided to celebrate your return. Check our last Facebook post_.

She opens Facebook and quickly finds the post in question. She reads some of the comments and understands why everyone is looking at her now.

She puts her phone back down on her tray and decides to pretend nothing happened. She won’t give him the satisfaction of acting scared.

“ _Why is everybody looking at us?”_ Clay is the first to point out.

“ _They’re not. They’re looking at me.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _Why is that?”_ Tony asks.

Jessica takes her phone back and her friends look at her, confused.

> _Jessica : Check out the last post made by Liberty Tigers on Facebook._

At the same time, she explains.

“ _You’re going to look at your phones, but not all at the same time. Just read. Don’t react. Don’t say anything.”_

Clay is the first to grab his phone.

“ _Is someone working with Tyler on the yearbook?”_ Jessica asks, trying to keep the conversation going.

“ _Uhm… yeah”_ Alex responds, unsure of what she’s doing.

Clay puts down his phone. Tony takes his out.

“ _It’s… Winston right?”_ Jessica continues.

“ _I’m really looking forward to it. Tyler’s picture are amazing. I’m not so sure about Winston.”_ Clay replies, understanding there might be a double meaning to what Jessica asked.

It’s Alex turns to look at his phone. He shows it directly to Charlie.

Her friends are not really good at pretending, so Jessica changes the subject.

“ _Charlie! Have you told anyone the good news?”_

Charlie looks at her and Alex puts down his phone. Zach is curious to know more about both of those things. The first he understands as soon as he opens the app on his phone. He’s following the page and it’s the first thing that he sees. For the second, Charlie replies comes pretty quick.

“ _Not yet, I kind of wanted to confirm it with Bolan first.”_

Charlie is not really in the mood to celebrate right now.

“ _Come on, it’s a good news! Look at those faces, they need a good news.”_ Jessica points at her friends who judge her a bit. How can she act so calm and cheerful right now?

“ _I… I’m the new student body president.”_ Charlie announces without much joy.

Alex shakes his head.

“ _Aren’t you the student body president?”_ He asks Jessica.

“ _Not anymore. Good thing I resigned yesterday.”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _What should we do?”_ Tony intervenes.

“ _Eat brownies.”_ Jessica answers as she gives Charlie a nod and takes her phone again.

> _Jessica : We’re not at school to talk about Gordon Lightfoot. Let’s keep this for after hours. I think Charlie brought brownies for desert. We have to eat and, even if it’s not that good, we should at least pretend they are and pretend to enjoy them._

Once she sends the text, she points at her phone to invite her friends to look at the message she clearly just send them.

“ _I call dibs on a corner piece!”_ Zach says in a joyful voice.

* * *

They all pretend today’s just another day in their high school life. The saddest part is this is really just another day in their life. 

Tyler talks to them in the afternoon, asking if they should all meet to discuss it, but Clay and Jessica refuse. They both need to stop by the hospital after school.

As they enter the hospital, they realize this has become part of their life as well. 

> _What a sad and complicated life this is._


	108. Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Pieces – Red

Clay offers Jessica a ride home when visiting hours end. They don’t talk the whole ride. Jessica thinks about Lainie. She said hello and asked how she was doing, but she didn’t say anything else. She didn’t mention the test results. 

> _Are they that bad?_

Clay parks the Prius in front of her house and decides to break the silence.

“ _I’m so sorry.”_

“ _For what?”_

“ _Everything, but especially today. The tape.”_

“ _It’s not your fault.”_

“ _It is. I gave the tape to Winston.”_

“ _You didn’t chose to do it. It wasn’t really you.”_

“ _Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that everyone heard the tape Bryce made for you now.”_

“ _That sucks, but that doesn’t change anything. We talked about it; the cops already have it anyway.”_

“ _Yeah, but this isn’t about the cops. This is about people at school. They spend their day staring at you.”_

“ _It wasn’t the first time. I’ll survive.”_

“ _You think Diego published it?”_

“ _I’m sure it’s him. He texted me about it.”_

“ _What?”_

Jessica shows him the text.

“ _What should we do?”_

“ _Nothing.”_

Clay shakes his head.

“ _I know, it’s not your style, but trust me, it 's the best plan right now.”_

“ _Doing nothing is not a plan.”_

“ _Okay. The plan is to pretend we don’t know anything about anything. Better?”_

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _My mom told she came to talk to you last night.”_

“ _Yeah, she had a couple questions about Justin.”_

“ _She also asked me to look after you.”_

Jessica shrugs.

“ _I’m fine.”_

“ _Keep telling yourself that. You’re not. You can’t be.”_

“ _Yes, maybe this isn’t the best year of my life, but it’s okay. I’ll handle it.”_

“ _You’re not handling it. You’re running away from it.”_

Jessica gets frustrated. Yes, she’s running away from most of her problems, but that’s because she has to keep her shit together and if she stops, even for a second, she’ll break.

“ _Thanks for the therapy session Clay, but I don’t need you to look after me.”_

“ _My offer still stands. If you need to run away from anything else, the door to the outhouse is always open. Well, it’s closed, actually, but you understood me.”_

“ _I know.”_

“ _I mean it. Any hour of the day or night.”_

“ _Okay.”_

“ _It would be nice to have some company. I’m not used to sleep in there alone.”_ Clay adds on a sad note.

“ _I’ll keep that in mind.”_ Jessica gives Clay a small smile and exits the car.

* * *

Jessica wants to keep working on her project, but her laptop is not on her coffee-table anymore. She gets worried in a second. 

> _Was anyone in here?_

She goes to the kitchen and grabs a knife, just in case. After the way Diego taunted her today, she wouldn’t be surprised if he decided to come to her house. She checks every room and is relieved when she finds her laptop in her bedroom. She changes quickly in a more comfortable outfit and goes back downstairs, still holding on to the knife. She sits down and places the knife by her side on the couch. She takes out the list from her bag. She thought about it a lot this evening while she was seated in the waiting room. She adds the third name.

> _3- Hannah_

She needs some time to think before she adds the next one.

Until then, she returns to her other project. She opens the laptop and starts back where she left it this morning.

Her phone rings: Diego. She doesn’t answer, but places her hand on the knife for a few seconds after that, just in case.

When nothing happens, she goes back to her work.

After an hour, she feels like she’s about done.

Her phone rings: Diego again. She doesn’t respond and automatically reaches for the knife.

After this second scare, she closes her laptop and takes the list again.

> _4 – Jeff_

She’s thirsty, but she’s too terrified to move right now. Instead she takes a deep breath and opens her laptop again. She reads a couple time everything she wrote to be sure this is the best way to do this, to make sure she didn’t left out anything.

Her phone rings : Diego. She doesn't answer, again.

She puts her laptop on the coffee-table. She’s done with this. There’s only the list to complete to finish all of this. She takes it and read the four names again and again. She knows which name she wants to put next, but she’s not ready for it yet. It means she has nothing to do right now which is a nightmare, because it gives her time to actually think about everything else.

Another call from Diego. Ignored.

She stays seated in this quiet living-room, in this empty house, with her hand tight around the knife handle. This is it, she’s not running anymore. She can’t stay here. She can’t stay alone. She can’t keep hearing her ringtone. She can’t keep feeling the pressure of the knife’s handle against her skin. Her plan is done. Her list almost is. Tomorrow, she’ll complete the list and she’ll follow her plan. Now, she needs to keep her shit together, but she can’t do that here.

Diego. Ignored.

She gets up, grabs her laptop and her list, throws them in her bag and leaves her house.

* * *

She drives around for a couple hours, unable to make a decision, unable to stop, lost in her thoughts. She’s so lost in her thoughts that she runs a red light.

The car coming from the perpendicular street barely avoids her and honks. She stops her car on the side of the road, realizing what just happened, breathing rapidly, her heart beating faster and faster. She places one hand on her chest trying to control her breathing and another one on her stomach trying to comfort herself. The opposite happens, her breathing becomes more frantic once she realizes she put her child’s life in danger again.

* * *

Clay didn’t lie to Jessica. It is hard for him to sleep alone in the outhouse. He’s used to have Justin around. He looks at the time : _2.26._ He sighs and gets up to fill a glass of water. Dr. Ellman prescribed him some pills to help him sleep. He doesn’t like to take them, because they may work really well, but he always feels foggy in the morning when he does. It’s passed 2 and he’s still awake so he decided to take one, tired of turning in his bed. He puts down his glass when he hears a knock on the door. He walks slowly to the door and opens it.

“ _The offer still stands?”_ Jessica asks.

Clay nods sympathetically and she enters. Clay looks her as she walks in. She’s definitely not okay.

“ _Did I wake you up?”_

“ _Nope. Like I told you, I can’t sleep much these days.”_

“ _Yeah, I hear that.”_

Clay walks to his bed and sits down.He points at Justin’s bed to invite Jessica to do the same, but she seems hesitant.

“ _You can sleep in my old bedroom if you prefer.”_

“ _No, it’s okay.”_ She says as she sits down on Justin’s bed. “ _It’s just… weird without him here.”_

“ _It is.”_

They look at each other and see how much pain they share over this.

“ _You could have told me it was this hard for you before today. You could have stayed at my house.”_ Jessica tells him which causes him a smile.

“ _I’m supposed to be looking after you, not the other way around.”_

“ _You don’t have to. Your mom knows I leave alone now, she just wants to be a responsible adult.”_

“ _It’s not just my mom. Justin asked me to look after you.”_

“ _You’re already looking after him. That is more than enough.”_ Jessica answers with a sad smile.

“ _Well, I told you I wanted my savior job back once I got better. I can handle two people.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _You’re way better at it than I am.”_

“ _Not so sure about that.”_

“ _You are. You helped me so many times and don’t even get me started on how much you’ve helped Justin. Promise me you’ll keep looking out for him.”_

“ _Of course.”_

“ _This is a response, not a promise.”_

“ _I promise you, I will.”_

Jessica thankfully nods.

“ _We should probably try to sleep. I feel like tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”_ Clay says as he lays down on his bed.

“ _Aren’t they all?”_ Jessica answers as she does the same in Justin’s bed.

They both look at the ceiling in silence for a few minutes.

“ _I miss him.”_ Jessica let’s out.

“ _Me too.”_

After a few minutes, Clay’s breathing is slower and louder. Jessica turns to look at him; he’s asleep. She carefully takes off her shoes, trying to do as little noise as possible. She lies back on the bed. When she brings her face against the pillow, she recognizes Justin’s smell. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. She missed that too. She feels better. She’s not alone, Diego stopped calling, she didn’t die in a car crash, but she doesn’t feel okay.

She doesn’t feel tired, because this doesn’t feel right. She missed Justin’s perfume, but smelling it without the warmness of his body next to hers feels wrong. It feels incomplete. She feels incomplete. Her list is incomplete. After more than an hour and a half spent lying awake on his bed, she sits down. She needs to sleep. She needs him. She needs to complete the list. She can’t do any of that here, so she puts her shoes back on, grabs her bag and exits the outhouse. Once in her car, she texts Clay so he’ll know she left when he wakes up tomorrow.

* * *

She arrives at the hospital. She knows she can’t get in, but this is as close as she can be to Justin right now. She finds a spot in the parking lot, stops her car and locks the doors. She takes out the list from her bag and a pen. She needs to finish it now.

> _5 – Bryce_

The list isn’t complete yet, but she feels a little more relaxed now that she finally put this 5th name on it. She puts it back in her bag and looks up at the hospital.

She spends a while trying to find which window could be Justin’s room until she falls asleep. 


	109. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fleurie – Hurricane

_It seems like nothing. Until the hurricane hits._

> * * *

" _Jessica."_

Jessica is woken up by Lainie's voice. When she opens her eyes, she needs a second to remember where she is. She opens her car window.

" _Hi."_ Jessica greets her.

" _Where you asleep?"_

" _Yeah... I fell asleep last night."_

" _In your car?"_

" _I couldn't sleep. I figured I might as well pass the time here. I guess I ended up falling asleep."_

" _You shouldn't be sleeping in your car."_

" _I know. I didn't plan on doing it."_

" _You should go home and get ready for school."_

" _Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with Justin?"_

" _I was. Matt and Clay took my place."_

" _Shit. I didn't think it was already this late."_

" _Don't worry. You still have time to go home before school starts."_

" _Did you get the test results?"_ Jessica couldn't care less about school right now.

" _Not yet no. I'll tell you as soon as we get them."_

Jessica nods, but a part of her thinks that Lainie is not telling her everything.

" _Jessica, are you okay?"_

" _I am. Really. Thank you."_

Lainie looks at her with pity.She knows how hard all of this must be for her right now.

" _I should go. I have a lot of things planned today."_ Jessica remembers about the list and the plan she came up with.

" _Of course. Call me if you need anything okay?"_

" _Thank you."_

Jessica closes the window and drives off.

* * *

She goes home, takes a shower and puts on new clothes.She still has a little time before school starts so she decides to actually have breakfast.

Then, she drives off to school. Well, she should, but a part of her can't help it and she ends up at the hospital again. She'll be late to school after all, but that doesn't matter, going to class is not part of her plan.

She sits in the waiting room, per usual. Justin is the first name on her list, but she can't talk to him.

She's stuck on the other side of the door. So she stays seated there for a while, thinking about everything she wants to say to him, everything she wishes she could say, words she may never say to him again. She gets up and leaves.

* * *

When she arrives to school, she's happy to see Alex walking in the hallway.

" _Hey."_ She greets him.

" _Hi. Where were you first period?"_

" _I stopped by the hospital on my way here. Can we talk?"_

" _Sure, but I have Spanish right now. Is this important?"_

" _It's not."_

Alex looks at her, asking for confirmation.

" _It's really not urgent. Can we meet at lunch?"_

" _Yeah sure."_

" _Thanks."_ Jessica gives him a little smile and goes to the cave, knowing an HO meeting just ended. She may not be the leader anymore, but she still receives all their emails.

* * *

" _What a surprise. You're late again."_ Casey tells her immediately.

" _Meetings have never been an obligation."_

" _Then why are you here?"_ One of the girl asks.

" _To apologize. I started this group and I let you all down. I'm sorry I gave up on this and Casey, I'm happy you're taking over."_

" _Thank you._ " Casey is surprised by Jessica's honesty.

" _As you probably heard by now, I also resigned as the student body president. Charlie St George is going to replace me. I'm sure he's going to help you if needed."_

" _Why did you resign?"_ Winston asks.

" _Because I have other priorities right now and it would be selfish of me to stay in charge if I'm not going to be invested 100%. It's also the reason I'm actually glad you replaced me."_

" _Are you still going to be a part of the group?"_ Casey asks.

" _I'll always be an ally, to all of you, but I can't promise I'll be here everyday."_

The girls nod and begin to leave.

" _Tyler."_ Jessica stops him from leaving.

" _What?"_ He answers pretty sharply.

" _Can we talk?"_

" _Why? You didn't. You decided you were done with this and you left. Why shouldn't I do the same right now?_ " He seems hurt.

" _I'm sorry."_

" _You know you're the reason I joined right? You're also one of the reason I stood up that day, why all of us did."_

" _I know."_ Jessica feels guilty.

" _We were all counting on you."_ He adds as he leaves the room.

Jessica didn't think Tyler would be so pissed at her for this. She thought he would understand. Maybe what she's doing doesn't make any sense, but it does to her. There's still a few hours to kill until lunch time and her talk with Alex.

* * *

She sits at the table and takes out her list. She reads it and chuckles. Alex is the only person on it still alive.

_No. Justin is still alive too._

What happens when he wakes up? If he does? Should she write him a letter? What is she going to do with it then? She doesn't want Clay or anyone else reading it. Suddenly, it hits her. She wants to talk to him and she can. She chuckles when she remembers Hannah and Bryce's tape. She's not doing a tape because it would feel so disrespectful and there's always the option of it ending up online like theirs did, but she can call his phone and leave a message. He'll be the only person hearing it. No one else has to know. She walks to the far end of the room and sits on the ground. She takes out her phone and calls Justin.

She closes her eyes and prays he answers. She's not a religious person, but she never prayed as much as she did this week. Voicemail.

" _Hey Justin. It's Jessica. We've been back together for a week today. Sadly, I haven't seen you or spoken to you for a week as well. I'm not allowed to see you, but there's so much I want to say to you that I figured a voicemail would be my best shot..._ "

It's harder to do than she thought it would be.

" _I miss you. I really hope you wake up soon because I don't know how much longer I can do this..."_

She stops talking, and tries to suck back her tears.

" _The main reason I decided to leave you this is to tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry I didn't help you more. I'm sorry I rejected you. I'm sorry I destroyed your friendship with Bryce. I'm sorry I didn't came looking for you when I knew you were in Oakland. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you harder. I'm sorry you ended up in the hospital because of me..."_

__

She takes a second to regain her composure.

" _I'm sorry I ever entered your life. I'm sorry you lost everything you had because of me. I..."_

She's afraid she's going to be cut off soon, so she ends with the most important part of her message.

" _I love you. I'm so in love with you I can't even explain it. You deserve so much. So much more than me and the chaos I've caused in your life. Whatever happens, keep fighting. No one deserves to live more than you do. No one deserves to be loved more than you do. I..."_

_Beep._

She's been cut off. She takes a deep breathe.

She said most of what she wanted, but it doesn't leave her at peace. She feels like she said goodbye to him and it breaks her heart. She doesn't have the option to break down. Not now. The day is not over yet and she still has things to do. She wipes her tears and gets up. There's another stop she has to make before her talk with Alex. 


	110. Holding On and Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ross Copperman – Holding On and Letting Go

“ _So she was there this morning?”_ Clay asks as he sits down with Alex and Tyler in the cafeteria.

“ _She came to the HO meeting to apologize._ ”

“ _She said she would meet me for lunch.”_ Alex adds.

“ _Where is she?_ ” Clay feels helpless. 

He tried again and again to help her, but it didn’t work. He understood this this morning when he woke up and she was gone.

At the same moment, Alex’s phone rings. He shows his phone to them, pointing out it’s Jess.

“ _Hey. Where are you?_ ”

\- - -

“ _Why?”_

\- - -

“ _It’s okay. I’ll join you._ ”

He hangs up.

“ _So?”_ Clay asks.

“ _She’s outside._ ” Alex explains as he gets up.

“ _Why can’t she come in here?”_ Tyler is kinda disappointed of how much she’s avoiding everything.

Alex shrugs, not understanding it himself.

* * *

Jessica is seated in her car. She stopped by Monet’s to get some drinks and something to eat. She ended up spending the rest of her morning there, remembering everything she went through there.

“ _Why are we meeting in your car?”_ Alex asks as he sits on the passenger seat.

“ _Because I don’t feel like going back in there.”_

He looks at her half eaten sandwich.

“ _You’re eating in your car now?”_

“ _I am. I got this for you.”_

She hands him a drink.

“ _A marshmallow cappuccino? It’s not on the menu anymore._ ”

Jessica smiles at Alex’s joy.

“ _You always said it was the best item on the menu. Knowing you actually tried everything, I figured it would be the best option.”_

“ _How did you manage that?”_

“ _I asked… and paid a little extra to get it.”_

“ _Thank you, but why did you do this?”_

“ _You’re my best friend. We went through a lot together and you never gave up on me, even if you probably should have. I guess this is a thank you and an apology.”_

“ _I don’t need any of those things.”_

“ _Maybe you don’t, but you deserve it.”_

Alex gives her a thankful nod.

“ _You’re the nicest person I know Alex and you deserve to be truly happy. I’m really happy you have Charlie by your side.”_

“ _Thank you, but… what is this?”_ Alex is confused. She’s not usually that sentimental about their friendship.

Jessica chuckles.

“ _Like I said, just a thank you and an apology.”_

Alex nods and takes a sip of his drink.

“ _Promise me something.”_ Jessica asks.

“ _Anything_.”

“ _You’ll never forget how precious your life is. How much we all need you.”_

Alex gives her a sad smile.

“ _I know that now and I’ll never forget.”_

“ _Good.”_ Jessica nods and does her best to keep her tears inside.

“ _Is this what you wanted to talk about?”_

“ _I wanted to talk about Bryce. Once again, I feel like I owe you an apology and a thank you.”_

“ _You really don’t.”_

“ _I do. You didn’t have to come with me that night, but you did, because you’re an amazing friend. Thank you for that.”_

“ _I’m sorry I did. It would probably have been better for everyone if I didn’t.”_

“ _No. I’m sorry I dragged you into this. You and Bryce hated each other and I knew he was dangerous. I also knew how much you were still hurt, mostly by me. I never should have called you that night. It was my mess and it wasn’t fair to bring you into it.”_

“ _Thank you.”_ Alex doesn’t know what else to say. She needs it more than he does, so he accepts it.

She gives him a sympathetic smile.

“ _Why don’t you finish your lunch with us?_ ” Alex offers.

“ _I’m not going in there._ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _This cafeteria, this school… I feel like there’s nothing but pain for me there. I need to be somewhere else for now.”_

“ _We’re in there too. Clay, Zach, Tyler, me...”_

“ _I know, but...”_ She doesn’t finish her sentence.

“ _What?”_

“ _You know what I think of every-time I sit in this cafeteria now?”_

Alex shakes his head.

“ _This is the place I called Hannah a bitch after she tried to tell me about my party and...”_

Alex looks at her and waits for her to continue.

“ _This is the place I told Justin I wished he was dead.”_ She chuckles as a single tear rolls down her cheek.

“ _We all have done and said horrible things. That doesn’t mean we can’t do better now.”_

“ _I know. I’m working on it, but I can’t come with you. Not now, not today.”_

“ _Okay. Clay is going to ask me about you. What should I tell him?”_

“ _The truth. Just tell him I’m going home because I don’t feel that well.”_

“ _Is it the truth?”_

“ _It is.”_ She responds with a reassuring smile.

“ _Okay. Do you want me to stop by after school?_ ”

“ _I don’t know. I’ll call you later okay?_ ”

“ _Okay._ ” Alex gives her a sympathetic smile as he opens the door to exit her car.

“ _Wait.”_ Jessica places a hand on his arm to stop him.

Alex turns to look at her, waiting for her to say something else.

She doesn’t. Instead, she wraps her arms around him and brings him in a hug.

“ _I love you.”_ She tells him in a low voice.

“ _I love you too Jess._ ” Alex responds in a soft tone as he caresses her back in a comforting way.

Jessica leans back in her seat.

“ _Go. Don’t make the others wait.”_

“ _Are you sure you’ll be okay?_ ”

“ _I am. I just need to rest for a bit at home._ ”

“ _Okay.”_

Alex exits the car. He takes a few steps and looks back at Jess who smiles at him.

She waves at him and he waves back. When he starts to walk towards the school again, Jessica takes a deep breath.

She grabs her list and crosses out Alex’s name. She didn’t cross out Justin’s because for some reason she refuses to do so now. She’s still hoping he might wake up before the end of the day.

After that, Jessica goes back home. She puts down her bag at the bottom of the stairs and enters her living room. She looks around and decides to clean the mess she made. She cleans everything that needs to be and puts back everything in the place it belongs in. When she finishes downstairs, she does the same upstairs. She goes back downstairs to grab her bag and brings it in her bedroom. She opens her closet door and takes out an outfit. Then she takes a shower and puts the fresh clothes on. She returns to her bedroom and takes her phone and the list from her bag. _No news about Justin_. She places her phone on her desk. She looks at the list and crosses out the remaining names before exiting her bedroom and her house without anything but her car keys.

_4 more stops to do before the day ends_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! The two next chapters are going to be a pivotal point for the story and I feel like you're not as interested as you once were. I really hope my story is still something you love to read.   
> Like I told you not long ago, I started work again and I realize posting 2 chapters a day is starting to be harder than I thought it would be. I'll do my best to keep posting those 2 chapters everyday, but there's a possibility I will only post one chapter a day in the future. I'd rather take my time and write decent chapters than to work against the clock and publish something mediocre.   
> I'm always happy to read your comments and to know what you think of the story.   
> I'm curious to know what you think is going to happen next. What is Jessica's plan? What are the 4 stops she has to make? Is Justin going to get better?   
> I'm also curious to know what you want to read. Is there something you'd like to see in my story? A scene that was missing from the show?   
> Love you all! Have a fantastic day and I'll see you tomorrow ;)


	111. Half Gate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Half Gate · Grizzly Bear

_What do you do when you’re the butterfly causing the hurricane in everyone’s life?_

> * * *

Matt is seating beside Justin’s bed on the hospital when the machines begin to beep frantically. He stands up and press the button to call the nurse with emergency. He can’t wait for them to arrive so he runs outside the room to call for help.

Lainie is seating behind her desk at work. She looks at the picture of her family that they took last Thanksgiving when her phone rings.

Clay is trying to work on his french homework when his phone vibrates in his pocket.

He sees it’s his mom so he runs out of the library to answer.

Jessica’s phone rings on her desk, but she already left. Her phone keeps ringing, but there’s no one there to answer it.

* * *

Jessica has arrived at her first stop. She sits on the grass in front of a grave.

“ _Hey Jeff.”_

She takes a second to figure out what she wants to say.

“ _I’m sorry I didn’t come here since your funeral. I’m also sorry I asked you to go on this fucking beer run. I’m sorry I let you leave.”_

She takes a deep breath.

“ _You were a great guy. Always there for your friends. Everyone loved you. I’m sorry I never took the time to get to know you more.”_

She looks at the sky.

“ _I’m sure you’re still taking care of everyone wherever you are now.”_

She looks down at his gravestone.

“ _You deserved to live. I’m sorry I played a part in your death. The world needs people like you.”_

She gets up and places her hand on the stone.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ She apologizes once again before she makes her way to another grave.

* * *

“ _Can you find a way to contact Jess? I’ve tried to call her but she doesn’t answer._ ” Clay asks Alex and Zach when he enters the library after the phone-call.

“ _Sure. What is it?”_ Zach responds.

“ _My mom is picking me up. I have to go. Can you tell her to meet us at the hospital?”_

“ _We will, but...”_ Alex begins to answer, but Clay has already left in a hurry.

Alex and Zach exchange a worried look.

“ _She’s probably still at home. We should go._ ” Alex states.

“ _Yeah, it’s probably best.”_ Zach answers as he gets up.

* * *

“ _It’s been a while._ ” Jessica says as she sits in front of Hannah’s grave.

“ _I’m sorry I keep being an awful friend to you, even after death._ ”

She looks at the ground, still feeling so much guilt over it.

“ _You deserved a way better friend than me. I’m sorry I let you down again and again.”_

She looks at the sky.

“ _You must be rolling your eyes up there, watching me fail people over and over.”_

She smiles as she imagines Hannah’s face.

“ _I think one of the reason you recorded your tapes was to encourage us to change, to do better. I’m sorry I failed to do that. I’m sorry I keep letting you down. I’m trying my best to change that now. I figured I should start by apologizing to the people I’ve hurt. I was number two on your list. You’re number 3 on mine. Justin is first on both our list.”_

Jessica shakes her head at the sad irony of it.

“ _But unlike you, I’m the big villain on my list. Justin is just another victim. I’m sorry you’re one of the people I’ve hurt. I’m sorry I gave up on you when all you did was trying to be a good friend. You were. We had a lot of fun together. I’ve never laughed as much as I did when you, me and Alex hanged out.”_

Jessica smiles as she remembers the time she spend with the two of them before everything changed.

“ _I’m sorry I was one of the reasons why. You only made one tape for me, but it could have been more, because I played a role in other events. The night of the winter dance, I wanted to apologize so badly to you. I eventually did, but if I had done it sooner, maybe the night would have ended differently for you. I’m sorry for my party. Once again, I was having too much fun getting drunk when I should have tried to talk to you, when I should have stopped Jeff from leaving. What’s pathetic is that it happened again at Bryce’s party.”_

She stops for a second and wipes her tears.

“ _I made you take of your clothes and join us in the hot-tub. Again, I was too drunk and selfish, so I left you there and...”_

She shakes her head, not wanting to mention this part.

“ _This was because of me too. I’m the reason you where there and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done and everything I didn’t do.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _I know sorry doesn’t mean much now that you’re gone, but I promise you, I’m going to do better now. Don’t roll your eyes.”_

She jokes as she looks up at the sky again.

“ _I am really going to do everything I can to fix my mistakes and to be a better person. You deserved to live way more than I do, but I’m still alive and I can’t keep letting people down.”_

She gets up.

“ _Thank you for the friend you were. Jeff is lucky to have you there with him.”_ She adds with a sad smile before she leaves the cemetery.

* * *

Before Clay and his mom enter Justin’s room, Lainie’s phone rings. She gives Clay a look that indicates she needs to answer. Clay nods and enters the room. Lainie takes the phone-call.

“ _Hello.”_

_\- - -_

“ _I don’t know. She’s not at the hospital with us.”_

_\- - -_

“ _She didn’t tell you?”_

_\- - -_

“ _Justin.”_

_\- - -_

“ _I’m sorry I have to go, but don’t worry about her. We’ll find her. I’ll ask Clay and I’ll let you know.”_

_\- - -_

“ _Bye.”_

* * *

Jessica parks her car at the pier.She walks slowly until she reaches the place Bryce died.This time she has no idea what to say. She paces around for a while.

“ _You must enjoy this._ ” She comments in a chuckle.

“ _You tried to apologize to me, twice and I shut you off, twice. I guess I’m lucky you can’t do the same to me now._ ”

She shakes her head.

“ _I’m sorry you can’t actually. I’m sorry you’re gone. You didn’t deserve to die. I should have done more. I should have helped you. You were in the same position I am now. You wanted to do better and to apologize to the people you hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”_

She sits on the edge of the pier.

“ _You’ve hurt me more than anyone ever did. I was hurting too much to listen to what you had to say, but that doesn’t excuse what I did to you. I’m sorry.”_

Jessica looks at the water with tears falling down her cheeks.

“ _I hate you for what you did to me, to Hannah, to Chloe and to those other girls, but…”_

She closes her eyes, trying to accept what’s in her mind.

“ _I feel like I owe you a thank you as well… for Justin.”_

Her voice breaks at the mention of the boy’s name.

“ _Zach told me you’re the reason we got together in the first place and...”_

She stops, trying to contain her sobs.

“ _I know how much Justin loved you. How much you did for him. Thank you for that. Thank you for taking care of him when no one else did.”_

She wipes her tears.

“ _If...”_

She chokes up and shakes her head.

“ _If he doesn’t make it...”_ She manage to say between two sobs.

“ _I hope you’ll be there to take care of him.”_

She doesn’t say anything more after this. She has nothing left to say and even if she does, she’s not capable of speaking anymore. Her whole body is shaking as she sits above the water, sobbing for the boy she loves, talking with the boy she killed, finally breaking down for good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter a day this week ;)


	112. Train Wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : James Arthur – Train Wreck

Jessica has been seating in her car for a few hours. She’s parked in the street and she knows what she’s supposed to do next, but it’s hard. It’s hard to face what she’s done, what she deserves. She takes a deep breath and exits her car.

* * *

“ _Do you have any other idea where she might be?”_ Clay asks Alex as they drive around town looking for Jessica.

“ _I don’t, I…”_ Alex responds as he stops his car at a red light.

“ _Did she say anything to you at lunch?”_ Clay cuts him off.

“ _She told me she was going home, like I told you.”_

“ _Well, she’s not there.”_

“ _Call Zach again. Maybe she came back.”_

Clay takes out his phone and calls him.

“ _Hey. Any news?”_

_\- - -_

“ _We haven’t. Do you have any idea where we should check next?”_

_\- - -_

“ _We checked. Maybe we should try again.”_

_\- - -_

“ _Yeah, you too.”_

He hangs up and Alex looks at him, waiting for anything that might help.

“ _Zach thinks we should try the pier again.”_

Alex nods and turns left to drive towards the pier.

* * *

Jessica takes a few steps on the curve, but stops there, looking at the police station, paralyzed with fear and unable to find the strength to cross the road. This is what she has to do. She has to pay for what she did, for everyone she hurt. There’s blood on her hands and it’s time she pays for it.

* * *

Alex and Clay are parked at the pier. They haven’t found Jessica yet and they are starting to get really worried.

“ _Did she say anything to you that might help?”_

“ _No, nothing. She just… apologized a lot.”_

“ _Apologized for what?”_

“ _Everything, Bryce...”_

Alex stops talking and shakes his head.

“ _What?”_

“ _I think I know where she is.”_ He explains as he drives off in a hurry.

* * *

“ _Jessica! What are you doing here?”_ Clay asks as he exits Alex’s car.

“ _I have to tell them it was me.”_ Jessica blankly answers, her eyes fixated on the police station.

“ _What are you talking about? You know it wasn’t.”_ Alex tries to reassure her.

“ _It was. Bryce and the others._ _It was all me._ ”

“ _You know you can’t go in there and say that. What is going to happen to all of us if you do?_ ” Clay tries to be logical.

“ _I have a plan. I won’t get any of you in trouble.”_

“ _What about you? You’ll get in trouble.”_ Alex says.

“ _I deserve to be in trouble! I killed them. All of them.”_

Clay and Alex exchange a look. Jessica completely lost it, she’s not making any sense.

“ _Who are you talking about?”_ Alex asks in a soft voice.

“ _Hannah, Jeff, Bryce, Monty and… Justin._ ” She gets choked up.

“ _Justin is going to die because of me.”_ She adds in a sob.

“ _He’s not going to die Jess.”_ Clay reassures her.

“ _It’s all my fault.”_ Jessica continues and keeps going. “ _Jeff at my party, Hannah in the hot-tub, Bryce at the pier, Monty in jail, Justin in Oakland._ ”

“ _Jessica, hey, look at me._ ” Clay tries to snap her out of it.

“ _Everyone thinks I killed Bryce. If I confess, it all stops for you. You won’t have to feel guilty anymore. You won’t have to be scared.”_ Jessica tries to explain.

“ _I won’t let you pay for me._ ” Alex tells her.

“ _I should. For all of them._ _They’re all gone;_ _Jeff, Hannah, Bryce, Monty, Justin._ ” Jessica keeps going back to the names of the people she hurt.

“ _Not Justin.”_ Alex tells her.

“ _He’s going to die because of me too. It’s my fault right?_ ” Jessica turns to Clay who once told her that.

“ _Jess..._ ” Clay tries to stop her, but she continues.

“ _I said I never wanted to see him again in my life. I said I wanted him dead. He left because of me and now I’m going to lose him._ ” She painfully manages to say through her tears.

“ _He’s awake.”_ Clay let’s out.

Jessica shakes her head. She doesn’t believe it. This is just a thing he’s saying to try to stop her.

“ _He is Jess._ ” Alex adds in a reassuring tone.

“ _And he’s been asking about you that’s why we came looking for you in the first place.”_ Clay tells her with a big smile and tears in his eyes.

Jessica takes a huge breathe. It’s like she has been holding her breath for a week.

“ _He’s going to be okay_.” Alex adds.

She suddenly feels so light and relieved she can’t help it and drops to the ground in tears.

Alex and Clay kneel beside her. Clay gently strokes her back as Alex offers her his shoulder for her to cry on.

“ _Right now he needs you by his side. He needs you there with him. Not here.”_ Clay tells her.

“ _He’s awake.”_ Jessica says in a whisper against Alex.

“ _He is._ ” Clay says with happy tears and a nod.

“ _He’s alive._ ” Jessica let’s out in a sob.

“ _He’s alive and he’s waiting for you._ ” Clay confirms as he squeezes Jessica’s hand. 


	113. Fix You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fix You · Coldplay

**_A FEW HOURS EARLIER_ **

Clay takes a deep breath before he opens the door to Justin’s room. When he does, Justin turns to look at him.

“ _Hey.”_ Justin greets him with a smile.

“ _Hey.”_ Clay answers in a broken voice.

Matt stands up and exits the room to let the two brothers talk.

Clay walks towards Justin.

“ _Welcome back. How do you feel?”_ Clay asks him with a warm smile.

“ _Happy to be alive._ ” Justin answers.

“ _You are and you’re going to be okay now.”_ Clay nods and offers him a sympathetic smile.

Justin nods.

“ _My doctor told me about my last results. The infection is gone. All I have to do is to take care of myself now.”_

“ _You better.”_

“ _I will.”_

“ _No.”_ Clay’s tone is quite sharp.

“ _I hate you for scaring me like this.”_ He tells him as he sits on his brother’s bed.

“ _You better take care of yourself or else I’m going to kick your ass.”_

“ _You couldn’t even if you tried.”_ Justin replies with a chuckle.

“ _If you try to leave us ever again you can trust me I will.”_

Justin nods, realizing how hurt Clay was over this.

“ _But I’m really happy you came back to us.”_ He adds with a laugh as tears roll down his cheeks.

“ _I’ll try to never scare you like this again.”_ Justin offers in a soft voice.

Clay nods and takes his brother’s hand in his.

“ _Never again._ ” Clay warns him.

Justin nods with tears in his eyes.

“ _Never_.” Justin answers.

“ _I love you.”_ Clay says as he looks straight in his brother’s blue eyes.

“ _I love you too Clay.”_ Justin answers as tears roll down his cheek and he brings Clay into a hug.

Clay didn’t expect this, but he’s so happy his brother is alive and well that he relaxes immediately and tightens the embrace.

Clay let’s go of Justin after a long minute.

“ _You’re really feeling okay?”_

“ _I am.”_

“ _Good.”_

“ _I hope you kept your promise.”_

Clay shakes his head, not understanding immediately.

“ _Jess. How is she?”_

Clay feels bad. Actually no, he didn’t really kept his promise because he has no idea where she is, what he knows is that she’s far from okay.

“ _She hasn’t been doing that great lately, but none of us really did to be fair.”_

“ _Is she here?”_

“ _No. She’s still at school. Something came up and she couldn’t come with me, but she can’t wait to see you.”_

Clay doesn’t want to lie, but he doesn’t want to worry Justin either.

“ _I’m going to_ _call her right now to see how soon she can_ _get_ _here_ _okay?”_ Clay offers Justin as he gets up from the bed.

“ _Okay.”_ Justin answers with a smile, eager to see Jess again.

* * *

Clay leaves Justin’s room and is relived to see his mother there to take his place. He’s not ready to leave him alone yet.

“ _Clay. Have you heard from Jessica today?”_ His mom stops him.

“ _Not since lunch. She wasn’t at school and I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer.”_

“ _Her mom called me. She can’t get a hold of her either.”_

“ _Don’t tell Justin. I’m gonna try to call her again and I’ll see with the others if they know where she is.”_

“ _What should I tell him if he asks?”_

“ _Just tell him she’s still at school.”_

* * *

When Clay arrives in the waiting room, he’s surprised to see Alex there.

“ _What are you doing here?”_

“ _Is Justin okay?”_

“ _He is. He’s awake actually.”_

“ _Really?”_ Alex sighs, relieved.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ Clay asks again.

“ _You left in a hurry without saying anything. We thought something bad happened. That’s why I came here, to make sure Justin was okay.”_

“ _Why isn’t Jessica with you?”_

“ _We couldn’t find her. Zach stayed at her house in case she comes back.”_

“ _Justin asked where she was.”_ Clay informs Alex.

“ _What should we do?”_

“ _I don’t know. There’s no point in calling or texting her.”_ Clay feels helpless.

“ _I can drive around and see if I can find her.”_ Alex offers.

“ _I’m coming with you.”_ Clay nods.

“ _Shouldn’t you stay with Justin?”_

“ _Trust me, this is the best thing I can do for him right now.”_

“ _You’re going to tell him Jessica’s missing?”_

“ _No, obviously not. I need to find a lie.”_

“ _What did you tell him?”_

“ _That she was still at school and that something came up.”_

“ _Okay. Tell him her car won’t start. That she’s stuck at school because of this and you need to go and get her.”_

Clay is surprised by the elaborate lie Alex just came up with.

“ _It’s possible I used this excuse in the past. Good news is it usually works.”_ Alex explains.

Clay pats Alex on the arm.

“ _I’m going to let them know I’m leaving to get her.”_

Alex nods and Clay returns to Justin’s room.

* * *

_**PRESENT** _

Alex drops Jessica and Clay at the hospital.

Jessica stops walking when they arrive in front of the entrance. Clay stops and looks at her.

“ _Visiting hours are over. They won’t let us in.”_ She says in a sad voice.

At the same moment, Lainie and Matt exit the hospital with huge smiles.

“ _Jessica!”_ Lainie brings her into a hug. _“I’m glad you’re okay.”_

Jessica doesn’t expect it, she missed a lot today apparently.

“ _She went to see Ani in Oakland, but she forgot her phone at home. We didn’t think of calling Ani sooner.”_ Clay explains to let Jessica know what lie she has to go with and to make sense of why it took him so long to come back to the hospital with her.

“ _You’re here now. I know someone who’s going to be happy to see you.”_ Matt tells her in a warm tone.

“ _I guess we’re both gonna have to wait until tomorrow.”_ Jessica answers, sad she missed her chance to see him.

“ _Actually you won’t.”_ Lainie replies with a smile.

“ _What?”_ Jessica is confused.

“ _Lainie and Justin were so persistent with the nurses that they eventually cave in.”_ Matt informs her with a chuckle.

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _It means you’re allowed to spend the night with him.”_

Jessica scoffs and can’t help the huge smile that form on her lips.

“ _I think you know where to find him.”_ Matt adds with a wink.

“ _Thank you.”_ Jessica laughs and brings Lainie into another hug, thankful she fought for her.

“ _You’re welcome. Now go, he’s been waiting for hours.”_

“ _Don’t forget he’s still supposed to rest.”_ Clay jokingly adds.

Jessica laughs and walks towards Clay.

Matt and Lainie leave the two of them alone and walk to their car.

“ _Thank you. For today.”_

Clay nods.

“ _I was only keeping my promise to Justin to look after you.”_

“ _I can’t believe I’m actually going to see him.”_

“ _Don’t waste your time with me. Go.”_

“ _He thinks I was in Oakland right?”_

“ _No, that’s actually what I told my parents. Justin thinks you had something to take care of at school and that your car wouldn’t start and that’s why I left, to come and get you.”_

“ _You told me you left the hospital hours ago.”_

“ _Yeah, good luck to figure out your way around this part.”_

Jessica shakes her head with a laugh as she begins to walk towards the entrance.

“ _Jess.”_ Clay stops her and she turns around to face him.

“ _You’re going to be okay now right?”_

“ _I don’t know, but right now I am.”_ She shrugs with a little smile.

Clay nods and turns around to join his parents.


	114. Let's Love Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : OneRepublic – Let's Hurt Tonight

Jessica can’t believe it when she passes the waiting room. The wait is over, she doesn’t have to stop there, she can actually enter his room. She takes a deep breathe and knocks on the door to announces herself as she opens it. Justin turns to look at her and he smiles at her.

“ _Hey Jess.”_

She can’t help but break into tears as her heart melts at the stupid smile she missed more than anything before.

“ _Don’t cry.”_

“ _I’m sorry._ ” She wipes her tears, but doesn’t move closer to him, afraid to move, afraid it will all change in a second.

“ _You’re okay?_ ” She asks.

“ _I’m okay.”_ Justin nods with a smile.

“ _You’re okay.”_ She repeats, trying to convince herself.

“ _I am.”_

She laughs despite the tears.

“ _Come here.”_ Justin tells her in a soft voice.

She walks slowly towards his bed, but stops just before she reaches him. She’s afraid to touch him, afraid to break him, afraid to cause more hurt.

“ _Hey.”_ Justin tries to get her attention. _“I’m okay.”_ He tells her one more time to reassure her.

Jessica nods.

“ _So why exactly are you still standing there when you should be in my arms right now?”_ Justin teases her which causes her to giggle.

“ _Come here.”_ Justin asks her again, moving a little on his bed to giver her some space.

This time, she doesn’t need anything more to run to his bed and lie beside him.

She wraps her arms around him and brings him closer to her.

“ _I missed you so much.”_ She whispers to him.

“ _I missed you too Jess.”_

She drops a sweet kiss on his forehead.

Justin looks up at her. She wipes the tear that is falling on his cheek and kisses him with tenderness.

“ _I had to wake up to celebrate our one week anniversary.”_ He tells her which causes another giggle and his heart melts.

“ _I’ve loved you for far more than that.”_ Jessica tells him as she looks straight into his eyes.

Justin is the one to drop a kiss on her lips this time before he leans back down on the bed and brings her against his chest.

“ _You got me worried. I waited hours to see you._ ”

“ _I waited a week for you.”_

Justin nods, but doesn’t respond. He hates the fact he caused her any pain.

“ _I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. How did you convince the nurse to let me stay here tonight?”_

“ _I told them the truth. If only family is allowed to stay for the night, you should be allowed. You’re my family Jess.”_

Jessica smiles at his words.

“ _That’s actually great that you think that because...”_

She sits back up and looks at him, trying to find how she’s going to say this.

“ _Because I’m pregnant.”_ She let’s out, afraid of how he’s going to react.

“ _You are?_ ” Justin seems more surprised than disappointed.

Jessica bites her lip as she nods, unsure of what he thinks yet.

Justin breaks down in tears, but his smile remains.

“ _You’re not mad?”_ Jessica tries to understand.

“ _When it got really bad in here, I thought about everything I was going to miss. Having a family with you is one of the things I was afraid I’ll never get the chance to do. I’m not mad. I’m happy. Really happy.”_

Jessica can’t help her tears as Justin says this to her.

“ _I’m glad you’re reacting this way because I really want to have this child with you.”_

“Y _ou’ve always been family. Now we’re making our own._ ” Justin tells her as he places his hand on her belly.

“ _I love you.”_ Jessica responds with a huge smile.

Jessica then puts her hand on top of his.

“ _I love you too.”_ Justin answers as he gets lost in her beautiful eyes.

They stay like this, both laying on their side, with both their hand on her stomach.

“ _When did you find out?”_

Jessica looks down, feeling guilty.

“ _In November._ ” She responds in a low voice.

Justin shakes his head and he’s the one feeling guilty now.

“ _I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”_

Jessica brings her hand to his cheek.

“ _Don’t be. I should have told you. What matters is that we’re both here now.”_

Justin nods.

“ _November, that means..._ ” He’s trying to do the math.

“ _5 months pretty soon.”_ Jessica sighs.

“ _Are you okay? Both of you?”_ Justin worries.

“ _We are.”_ Jessica offers him a reassuring smile.

“ _and now that you are too, we’ll be okay. The three of us.”_ She adds.

She brings him into her arms again, afraid to ever let him go again.

“ _You better hold me and don't ever let me go._ ” Jessica tells him.

“ _Okay_.” Justin answers simply as he wraps his arms over her body.

They both fall asleep not long after that, both feeling safer than they ever did before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because it's my birthday and a Jesstin reunion is the best gift possible ahah


	115. Off I Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Greg Laswell – Off I Go

“ _Jess.”_ Justin calls Jessica in a soft voice after he just woke up the next day.

He caresses her hand softly to wake her up.

Jessica opens her eyes and raises her bed from his bed.

“ _Tell me you didn’t spend the night on this chair.”_

“ _It was only fair after you did last week.”_ She jokes.

“ _Even if you didn’t want to sleep next to me, there was a bed set-up for you.”_ He explains as he nod in the direction of said bed.

“ _I didn’t want to be that far from you.”_

Justin smiles, but shakes his head.Jessica rubs her neck.

“ _You probably didn’t sleep very well.”_

“ _I slept great.”_ She responds as she sits on his bed.

“ _Last night, we didn’t really talk about...”_ Justin begins.

“ _Good-morning.”_ A cheerful Lainie interrupts them as she enters the room followed by Clay and Matt. Jessica gets up from the bed.

“ _What is that?”_ Justin asks, seeing the bags Clay is holding.

“ _We’re finally allowed to bring anything in your room and we figured it would be nice to have a family breakfast.”_ Matt explains.

“ _Is he allowed to eat?”_ Jessica asks, realizing they indeed didn’t talk that much the night before.

“ _He is.”_ Lainie simply answers.

“ _Like I told you, I’m okay now.”_ Justin reassures Jessica as he takes her hand.

“ _Are you staying with us?”_ Clay asks her.

“ _Sure.”_ She answers with a smile.

Matt and Clay distribute the food and drinks.

“ _Jessica, can I talk to you outside for a moment?”_

Jessica nods and follows her in the hallway.

* * *

“ _Is something wrong?_ ” Jessica asks, worried all of this is just going to shift.

“ _No honey, everything is okay. I was just wondering… did you tell him?”_

“ _I did.”_

“ _And?… You don’t have to tell me of course, but...”_

“ _It went really well. Justin is really happy about it actually.”_

“ _That’s great. I think you should tell your parents about this now.”_

“ _Oh my god, I totally forgot to call them before today.”_ Jessica remembers they were waiting for her phone-call about her visit to Seattle.

“ _Your mother called me yesterday. She was really worried about you. You should talk to them.”_

“ _What did you tell her?”_

“ _Not much. I just let her know you were okay, but I was surprised to know you didn’t tell them about Justin.”_

“ _Yeah, my parents have a pretty strong opinion about him and my relationship with him.”_

“ _Well, like I told you, you’re family now and if you need any help or if you want me to talk to them, I’m here.”_ Lainie offers.

“ _Thank you, but I think it’s time I talk to them.”_

“ _Okay.”_

They return in Justin’s room.

* * *

“ _Come on, it can’t wait!”_ Justin argues with Clay.

“ _What are you two already fighting about?”_ Lainie asks.

“ _Dad brought the envelops we received from colleges.”_ Clay answers, clearly bumped about it.

Jessica’s smile falls. That goes on the list of things she’s gonna have to face soon and she wished she discussed it with Justin last night.

“ _And Clay doesn’t want to open them.”_ Justin adds.

“ _I just said it can wait until after breakfast.”_ Clay defends himself.

“ _I’m opening mines_.” Justin tells them as he starts with the one from Sanderson.

They all look at him, waiting for the news. Matt and Lainie have big smiles on their face, knowing what it says already.

“ _I’m in! I got in.”_ Justin chuckles; proud of himself.

“ _Way to go kiddo.”_ Mattcongratulates him.

“ _Now, the Occidental one.”_ He begins to open it.

Jessica feels sick. Whether he gets in or not, their future is being decided right now for the most part.

“ _Wait.”_ Clay stops him.

Justin looks up at him, waiting for him to continue.

“ _You never told us, where do you really wanna go?”_

“ _Uhm… “_ Justin thinks about it and shoots a look to Jessica. _“I don’t know yet, but I’ll be happy either way.”_

They all nod and Justin opens the envelop.

“ _Oh my god. I got in!_ ” His smile is warming everyone’s heart.

“ _We’re so proud of you. You did so well.”_ Lainie comments.

“ _Well, based on your reaction it’s safe to say you’re going to Occidental.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _Congratulations._ ” Jessica offers him a huge smile.

“ _Your turn._ ” Justin challenges Clay to change the subject. He’s not sure where he’s going to go. Not after he found out last night he was going to become a father. He’ll take this decision with Jessica.

Clay rolls his eyes and extends his hand to Justin to take the envelops.

“ _What’s your first choice?_ ” Justin asks him before he gives them to him.

“ _Brown._ ”

Justin looks at the envelops and only gives Clay the one from Brown. Clay takes it and looks at his brother, not understanding it.

“ _You’re getting in everywhere you applied. I’m sure of it. You only have to open your first choice.”_ Justin explains.

Everyone in the room gets a little tense, not as certain as Justin seems to be.

Clay slowly opens it, afraid the college of his dream rejected him.

“ _I’m in. Brown accepted my application.”_ Clay let’s out with a huge smile.

Matt and Lainie clap and hug their son.

“ _It was a risky move.”_ Clay tells his brother.

“ _It wasn’t. I just have a lot of faith in you.”_ Justin responds. _“Congratulations man.”_ He adds.

“ _You too.”_ They fist bump.

“ _Well done Clay._ ” Jessica winks at him.

“ _I guess it will be easier this way. When you come visit Jess at Colombia, I’ll just be next door basically. You won’t have any excuse not to see me.”_ Clay tells Justin.

“ _Yeah, for sure.”_ Justin simply answers, not wanting to explain that there’s nothing set in stone yet.

“ _I’m really happy for you two, but I can’t stay with you to celebrate. My parents are waiting for me to call them and the sooner the better.”_ Jessica explains as she gets closer to Justin. _“When do you get out?”_ she asks him.

“ _I don’t know. They didn’t tell me anything yet._ ”

“ _Okay. I’ll come back as soon as I can okay?”_

“ _You’re sure you don’t want to stay for a family breakfast?”_

“ _It sounds better than my empty house, but I really need to do this as soon as possible. I don’t really want my parents to get angrier at me than they probably are now.”_ She responds with a sigh.

Justin looks at her, confused. Is this about him, about the baby?

“ _Long story. We should probably talk later.”_

“ _Okay.”_

Jessica drops a kiss on his forehead before she exits the room. 


	116. This Is The Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fink- This Is The Thing

Jessica doesn’t expect to find anyone in her house, but she does once she arrives home. Her parents are sitting at the table in the dinning room.

“ _Good-morning Jessica.”_ Her father greets her without much warmth.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ She asks as she walks towards them.

“ _After I talked with Lainie yesterday, I figured we should have a discussion.”_ Her mother explains.

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _When did you arrive?”_

“ _During the night. Where were you?”_ Her father asks.

Jessica can’t avoid the discussion so she sits on a chair facing them both.

“ _At the hospital.”_

She takes out her phone and places it on the table. It has become a habit to do so. She can’t miss any of her calls anymore. What if Justin isn’t doing as good as everyone seems to think he is?

“ _With Justin?”_

“ _Yes mom, with Justin.”_ She gets defensive.

“ _You do remember you were supposed to call us right? We asked you to come to Seattle.”_ Her father comments.

“ _I know. I’m sorry, but I told you I didn’t want to come.”_

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _Because I have things to do here.”_

“ _You should have called or at least answer your phone. Why didn’t you? We tried to call you yesterday.”_ His mother is angry at her.

“ _I was… in Oakland. Visiting Ani and I forgot my phone at home.”_

“ _Can you explain to us why you weren’t in school?”_

Jessica avoids their stares. She doesn’t have a good explanation to give them.

“ _We agreed to let you finish the year in Evergreen because we thought we could trust you to be responsible Jessica.”_ Her mom tells her.

“ _You can. I just… I needed to get out of this town for a day to clear my mind.”_

“ _Then why didn’t you come to Seattle?”_ Her father is not buying it.

Jessica doesn’t respond.

“ _Why did you need to clear your head? Is something wrong?”_ Her mother tries to understand.

Jessica scoffs.

“ _Is something wrong? You heard me saying Justin is in the hospital right?”_

“ _Is this why you missed school? Principal Bolan called us. Yesterday wasn’t the first time you skipped.”_ Her mom informs her.

“ _Last week was hard. I spend most of my time in the hospital.”_

“ _Why do you keep letting this boy get you in trouble?”_ Her father asks.

“ _He didn’t get me in trouble. I chose to spend my time in the hospital. He wasn’t even awake.”_

“ _Why did you skip school for him? Are you two even talking anymore?”_ Her mom tries to understand.

“ _We are. In fact we’ve been talking ever-since he came back to Evergreen and…. we’re together.”_

“ _Why?”_ Her father doesn’t understand.

“ _Because I love him. It’s as simple as that.”_ She shrugs.

“ _How can you love someone that hurt you so much?”_ Her mom doesn’t understand.

“ _Bryce hurt me. Justin didn’t. It’s time you both realize this.”_

“ _He...”_ Her father starts.

“ _I know what happened okay? I don’t need the both of you to remind me, but you don’t know the whole story and you really don’t know him.”_

“ _We know what he did.”_ Her father adds.

“ _That’s true, but that doesn’t mean you know who he is. Yes, he hurt me in the past, but he also made me happier than I’ve ever been. He did a horrible mistake, but he paid for it. I forgave him a long time ago. Maybe it’s time you do too.”_

Her father shakes his head, not ready to do so.

“ _Principal Bolan also told us about colleges. It seems you won’t be going to Columbia after all.”_ Her mom says as she crosses her arms.

“ _I’m so sorry I lied about that. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”_

“ _What is your plan then?”_ Her father asks in a softer tone, seeing how sorry she is.

“ _I don’t know yet.”_ She answers rapidly before she takes her phone and reads the messages being exchanged in the group chat.

“ _Jessica.”_ Her mom calls her. _“Will you please put your phone aside for now?”_

Jessica obliges and puts her phone back on the table.

“ _If you don’t want to keep disappointing us, you’re gonna have to be honest from now on.”_

“ _I know.”_

“ _You skipped school, got rejected from all the colleges you applied to and resigned as the student body president. Why didn’t you tell us any of that?”_ Her mother is still unsure they know the whole truth.

“ _Because you weren’t there. This isn’t the kind of things you talk about over the phone. I didn’t tell you I was skipping school because I knew you wouldn’t understand about Justin. Apparently I was right. I didn’t tell you about colleges because I wanted to come up with a plan before telling you about it. I thought it would soften the blow. I wasn’t planning on telling you about the resignation because it’s my choice and it doesn’t concern you.”_

“ _Do you need us to come back to Evergreen?”_ Her dad offers, feeling guilty for leaving her alone.

“ _I don’t. Like I said, it was just a really complicated week. Justin’s awake and things are going to get better now.”_

“ _Did you thought about what you’re going to do after high-school?”_ Her mom asks.

“ _I did, but I don’t have many options. I’m going to talk to Matt about this. I think he could help.”_

“ _What can we do?”_ Her mom offers.

“ _Nothing. Like you said, I need to be responsible. This is my fault so I’m going to find ways to fix it on my own.”_

Her parents both nod, happy she chooses to be responsible about it.

“ _I was coming home to call you. I was planning on telling you the truth today. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”_ Jessica apologizes.

“ _Jessica. You know we love you right? You don’t need to be scared to tell us anything.”_ Her father’s tone is now calm and warm.

“ _I do.”_ Jessica gets up.

“ _Where are you going?”_ Her mother is surprised the conversation ended so abruptly.

“ _I have to take a shower before I go back to the hospital.”_

“ _We flew all the way here from Seattle. Can’t you stay with us for a day?”_ Her dad’s tone is quite judging.

“ _I really need to talk to Justin. Can we have lunch together?”_

Her mom and dad look at each other.

“ _Fine. I feel like we have a lot of catching up to do.”_ Her mother agrees.

“ _We do.”_ Jessica nods before she walks up the stairs.

* * *

After she finishes getting ready, she comes back downstairs.

Her parents are still seated at the table, but having breakfast now.

“ _Can’t you sit with us for breakfast before you leave?”_

“ _I can’t. I’m not really hungry anyway.”_

It’s not that she’s not hungry. It’s that she hates the fact she’s still lying to them. It’s the fact that she’s far from okay and if her parents see this, they won’t leave at the end of the weekend.

“ _You’ll be back in time for lunch right?”_ Her dad asks.

“ _Sure.”_ Jessica walks to the door, but stops, takes a few steps to get closer to her parents and looks at them, tempted to say something. She doesn’t. She turns back and begins to walk, but her mom stops her.

“ _What is it Jessica?”_ She asks.

Jessica looks at her and bites her lip, not sure she should blame them, but it’s hurting her too much not to say anything.

“ _You never asked if he was okay. You never even asked why he was in the hospital in the first place. I told you I was in love with him, but don’t care enough to ask.”_ She says with a shrug before she shakes her head, hurt, and walks away.

“ _Honey...”_ Her dad tries, but she already closed the door on her way out. 


	117. Lie In The Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Lie In The Sound · Trespassers William

“ _So, what did I miss?”_ Justin asks Clay who is seated beside him.

“ _Uhm… what did Jessica tell you?”_ Clay doesn’t know how much he should say.

“ _Nothing really. We didn’t talk much last night and she left pretty fast this morning.”_

“ _Well, there’s not much to tell actually.”_

“ _I have a hard time believing nothing happened at Liberty for a week.”_

“ _Just… Jessica didn’t tell you about Diego?”_

“ _No.”_ Justin sits up, suddenly feeling unease when the boy’s name is mentioned. _“What happened?”_

“ _He published Bryce’s tape online and the whole school heard it.”_

“ _Fuck.”_

“ _Yeah, but other than people staring, it didn’t change much.”_

“ _Did anything else happened?”_

“ _Nothing. It was… a very boring week.”_

* * *

Jessica is happy to see Matt on his way back from the cafeteria when she arrives at the hospital.

“ _I didn’t think you would come back that soon.”_ He comments when he sees her.

Jessica shrugs.

“ _Justin and I… we didn’t really get a chance to talk last night before we fell asleep.”_

“ _Well, I’ll let the two of you alone then.”_ Matt offers as he stops walking when they reach the waiting room.

“ _Actually...”_ Jessica gets closer to him. “ _I hoped I could have a word with you too._ ”

“ _Of course. What is it?_ ” Matt sits down and points at the chair next to him.

Jessica sits down in a sigh.

“ _I wasn’t accepted at Colombia like Clay said this morning. I wasn’t accepted anywhere actually.”_

Matt shakes his head, surprised.

“ _I haven’t told anyone except my parents and Zach, but I don’t want anyone else to know.”_

“ _So… why are you telling me this?”_

“ _I know you work at Sanderson. I’m not asking you to get me in. I’m just wondering if there is a way I could get in. I just need some advice.”_

“ _Were you rejected from Sanderson?”_

“ _No, I didn’t apply there.”_

“ _Okay. That means you have a chance.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _You can still apply until… I’ll have to check this out, but I think it’s sometimes next week. I won’t lie to you so, most slots have been given. You’ll need a solid application to get accepted.”_

“ _Then I guess there’s no point in trying.”_ Jessica is defeated.

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _My SAT score is a joke. It’s the main reason I was rejected.”_

“ _I wish I could help you, but I don’t really know what I can do for you.”_

“ _It’s okay. I just had to ask.”_

“ _I’m sorry.”_

“ _Don’t be. It’s my own fault.”_

She gets up.

“ _Don’t tell anyone about this please. I need to figure this out myself.”_

“ _No problem. In the mean time, I’ll see if I can find a solution for you.”_

“ _Thank you.”_

Jessica offers him a thankful smile before she leaves his side to join Justin.

* * *

When she arrives at the door of his room, she takes a deep breathe and places a big smile on her face. She definitely lost her shit for good yesterday, but she won’t let him see that.

“ _That was quick.”_ Clay comments when she enters the room.

“ _Yeah, it turns out my parents flew back home last night so it was a little easier to discuss everything.”_

Jessica keeps smiling as she speaks. Justin is happy to see her smile. Clay is weirded out by this. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel true.

“ _Can I talk to Justin alone for a minute?”_

“ _Yes. You two definitely should talk.”_ Clay stares at Jessica, trying to make her understand she should tell him everything.

He leaves the room.

* * *

“ _How did it go with your parents?”_

“ _Good.”_ Jessica stands at the bottom of his bead and acts detached.

“ _You seemed worried this morning when you left.”_ Justin points out.

“ _I just forgot to call them yesterday and I thought they were going to be pissed at me, but they weren’t.”_

“ _That’s good. Did you tell them about...”_

“ _No. I didn’t, but I think I’m going to. At lunch.”_ Jessica cuts him off. _“If that’s okay with you of course.”_ She adds in a softer tone as she makes her way to sit on his bed.

“ _You should. We can tell them together if you want. I know your dad hates me, but I don’t want you to do this alone.”_

“ _I’ll be fine.”_ She reassures him.

“ _My parents love you. I guess it’s going to be an easier conversation.”_ He tries to joke.

“ _Lainie already knows.”_ Jessica feels guilty.

“ _You told her?”_

“ _I’m sorry. I know it’s not really fair to have told her about it before I could tell you and it’s your mother so you..._ ”

“ _Hey.”_ Justin stops her from going on.

“ _It’s okay. I’m glad you actually had someone you could talk with about this. How did she take it?”_

“ _She was surprised and mentioned she would have preferred it happening 10 years from now, but overall she was really supportive.”_

“ _My mom is kind of amazing.”_

“ _She is, but she wasn’t the only one I told.”_

Justin waits for her to continue.

“ _I told Zach. Well, he found out to be fair.”_

“ _When?”_

“ _About two weeks ago. The day after Winston’s party.”_

“ _I didn’t expect this.”_ Justin chuckles.

“ _Me neither, but I’m glad I told him, because he helped me a lot. He drove me to my appointments.”_

“ _Zach helped you?”_ Justin is surprised.

“ _He did and we’re friends now. Good friends. Like we used to be.”_

“ _That’s great. Should we tell your family or mine first?”_

“ _I think we should talk about it before we tell anyone else.”_ Jessica’s tone is quite serious all of the sudden.

“ _What do you want to talk about exactly?”_

“ _Are you sure about this? Are you sure you want to raise a child with me?”_

“ _I am.”_

“ _Because I don’t want you to feel trapped. Just because I decided to have this baby, it doesn’t mean you have to do this with me. I can...”_

“ _Will you fucking stop?”_ Justin asks in a joyful tone.

“ _Do you trust me?”_ He asks.

“ _You know I do.”_

“ _So I’m only going to tell you this one more time. I want to have this baby with you. I want to raise this child with you. I want to have a family of my own with you.”_ He looks straight into her eyes.

“ _Okay. I believe you.”_ Jessica responds, with a smile.

“ _Good.”_ He takes her hand in his.

“ _I think I should tell my parents first. If they kill me, we won’t have to tell your parents anyway.”_ She jokes.

“ _I’m more afraid for my life than I am for yours. God knows what your father is going to do to me.”_

“ _Don’t worry. There’s not a chance I’ll let anyone touch that beautiful face.”_ She winks at him.

“ _Clay told me about Diego.”_ Justin changes the subject and Jessica immediately gets up.

“ _What did he say?”_

“ _He published Bryce’s tape online?”_

“ _He did.”_ Jessica acts detached once again. She’s relieved Clay didn’t tell him everything.

“ _That doesn’t seem to worry you.”_

“ _It doesn’t. Him and Winston are still trying to figure out who killed Bryce. They thought it would bring them closer to the truth to publish the tape, but it didn’t.”_

“ _Still, Clay told me people where staring.”_

“ _People have been staring at me for years now. This didn’t really change anything.”_

Jessica looks at the clock on the wall. She’s mostly avoiding to look at Justin because if she does, she’s going to break and tell him everything.

“ _My parents are waiting for me. I should go. I don’t want to give them any reason to get mad at me.”_

“ _You just got here. I feel like we didn’t talk about many things.”_

“ _We talked about what matters. The rest can wait.”_

“ _What about colleges? What should we do?”_

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _Jess, if we’re having this baby together, I don’t see how we can raise him while being in opposite sides of this country.”_

“ _We’ll find a way to make this work either way. Just… focus on getting better for now and we can discuss this once you leave the hospital okay?”_

She explains as she walks towards the door.

“ _Okay. Are you coming back later?”_

“ _I don’t think so. My parents flew all the way from Seattle to see me and I feel like it wouldn’t be fair to spend my day in here.”_

Justin seems disappointed and it breaks her heart to do so, but she doesn’t want to tell Justin the truth until he leaves the hospital and every second she spends with him is another second she might break.

“ _Did you get your phone back?”_ She asks.

“ _Yeah, Lainie left to get my charger.”_

“ _Great. I’ll call after I tell my parents.”_

Jessica feels guilty for leaving him so she walks up to his bed and drops a kiss on his forehead.

“ _Don’t give me your puppy dog eye-look.”_ She teases him.

“ _I thought it didn’t work on you?”_ He tells her as she’s about to leave the room.

She turns to look at him ans shakes her head with a giggle.

“ _I’ll call you later.”_ She adds before she exits the room.

* * *

Once outside, she remembers the voicemail she left him. She leans backs against the wall.

“ _Are you okay?”_ Clay asks her.

“ _Far from it.”_ She replies in a sigh.

“ _What can I do to help?”_

“ _Can you find a way to prevent Justin from getting his phone back?”_

Clay shakes his head, confused by her question.

“ _Never mind.”_

She responds as she walks away.


	118. I Shall Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : I Shall Believe – Sheryl Crow

“ _How is Justin doing?”_ Jessica’s mom asks her once she enters the kitchen.

Jessica scoffs. At least she’s trying.

“ _Fine.”_

“ _I’m sorry okay? We’re just worried about you.”_

“ _I know.”_

Jessica answers as she grabs some plates and begins to set the table.

“ _How are Elijah and Cooper?”_

“ _They are pretty happy. They love their new school, but they miss their sister.”_

“ _I miss them too.”_

“ _Well, you always have the option to visit us.”_

Jessica nods and leaves the kitchen.

“ _I’m going to be in my room until lunch.”_

“ _Jessica.”_ Her mom stops her.

“ _Can’t we talk?”_

“ _We will. Later.”_

* * *

Jessica enters her bedroom and walks to her desk. She takes the list she left there yesterday and sits down. Justin has his phone back and that means he’s going to listen to her voicemail at some point, but she can’t let him do this. How can she stop him? She can’t. She knows he will, especially if she asks him not to. The only thing she can do is make it sounds less serious or scary than it really is. She takes her phone and decides to call him. 

“ _Hey. How did it go?”_

“ _I haven’t talk to them yet.”_

“ _Oh, okay. You already miss me then?”_ He teases her.

“ _I do, but that’s not why I called.”_ She replies in a serious tone.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ Justin asks, worried.

“ _Did you listen to my voicemail?”_

“ _I haven’t. I wanted to, but I figured I should listen to this without Clay, Matt or Lainie in the room.”_

“ _Yeah, it’s probably best.”_

“ _Why did you leave me a voicemail?”_

“ _I… I was afraid I’d never get a chance to talk to you again. I was having bad day and I didn’t think much. You probably shouldn’t listen to it.”_

“ _You know you’re only convincing me to listen to it right?”_

“ _I know, but I don’t want you to get worried. I probably sound really depressed, but I’m not. I’m okay. Really okay. It was just one bad day.”_

“ _What does it say?”_

“ _It’s...” A goodbye. “… like I said, in that moment I felt like you weren’t getting better. I was scared and I wanted to talk to you. This is the only way I found to do so.”_

“ _You don’t want me to listen to it.”_

“ _I don’t.”_

“ _Why shouldn’t I?”_

“ _Because it’s not how I really feel. Not anymore. You nearly dying is in the past. We should let this in the past as well.”_

Justin doesn’t answer. He thinks about what she’s saying.

“ _If you listen to it, just know it’s not really me. It was the me that what thinking you were going to die. It’s going to scare you more than anything.”_

“ _But it’s not really you?”_

“ _It’s not. I’m okay now. I’m happy.”_

“ _Okay.”_

“ _Okay? Okay you won’t listen to it or…?”_

“ _Okay, if I listen, I’ll keep that in mind.”_

Jessica sighs, relieved she could get ahead of this.

“ _Jessica!”_ Her dad calls her from downstairs.

“ _I have to go. I’ll call you later.”_

“ _Good luck.”_

“ _Yeah, thank you. In case this is goodbye, I kind of liked you a lot.”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _Yeah, me too babe.”_

She hangs up and her smile drops. Yesterday, she left him a voicemail thinking it was goodbye. Now she jokes about it and it’s far from funny to her, but she can’t let him know how much it broke her to think she was going to loose him, how broken she really is.

* * *

“ _How is Justin?”_ Her father asks this time when they sit at the table.

“ _He’s doing fine.”_

“ _We didn’t ask about him because we’re worried about you above anything else.”_ Her dad explains.

“ _I understand that, but you need to understand that my well being depends on his too.”_

“ _We do now.”_ Her mom says.

“ _I don’t think you do.”_

“ _We remember how it is to be young and in love. To think you’ll never love anyone so much, but you’re still young. One day when you’re older, you’ll realize it was just your first love, but many more will come.”_ Her father explains.

“ _You don’t think it’s serious do you?”_

“ _I know it feels that way, but after everything that happened, you can’t seriously think this is going to last.”_ Her mom shares her view on their love story.

“ _Well, I’m sure it will last and it better, because this is more than serious.”_

“ _What do you mean?”_ Her father tries to understand.

Jessica puts down her fork and takes a deep breathe before she answers.

“ _I’m pregnant.”_

Her parents drops their fork too, but don’t find the words.

“ _I know it’s not what you wanted for me. I know you don’t like Justin, but we’re doing this together and I’d really appreciate it if you two would be supportive of this. Supportive of us.”_ Jessica tries to sound as confident as she can be.

“ _Just when I thought this boy couldn’t bring more trouble.”_ Her father says as he rubs his temples.

Jessica opens her mouth, shocked it’s his only response.

“ _Jessica. You know we’re always going to support you right?”_ Her mom offers.

Jessica nods, seeming way less confident as seconds pass.

“ _But are you sure this is what’s best for you? I don’t want this to ruin your life.”_ Her mother continues.

Jessica scoffs. Somehow her mom managed to say something worse than her dad.

“ _I know it’s not the perfect timing for this. I know it’s scary and it’s going to be difficult, but this is what we both want. Justin and I, we’re going to have this baby whether or not you like this is up to you.”_

“ _How are you two going to do this? You should be going to college, not having a child.”_ Her father says.

“ _I don’t know yet, but what I’m sure is that we’re going to figure it out.”_

“ _How can you be so sure?”_ Her mom asks.

“ _Because we’re both alive and we love each other. This is all we need to do this. The rest doesn’t matter as much.”_

“ _It’s not. You need money, you need a place to live, you need...”_ Her father explains.

“ _I’m afraid you’re not realizing how hard it’s going to be.”_ Her mom cuts him off.

“ _I do. I really do, but after everything I’ve been through, everything we’ve both been through, I know we’ll survive no matter what. We’ll find a way. I just need to know you’ll be supportive of this. I’m not asking for money or anything, I’m just asking you to be okay with our choice.”_

“ _You really want to become a mother that young?”_ Her mother asks in a softer tone.

Jessica places her hand on her stomach and replies in a similar tone.

“ _I already am.”_

“ _Okay. We love you Jessica and we trust you. If this is what you want, of course we’ll support you.”_

Her dad says as he grabs her hand. Jessica has tears in her eyes, happy to know her parents accept this, but she can’t help and ask.

“ _Me and Justin?”_

“ _You and Justin.”_ Her mom agrees.

“ _If you love him that much I guess he deserves it.”_ She continues.

“ _He choose to do this with you. It means he’s not as bad as I thought he was.”_ Her father adds.

Jessica offers them a thankful smile.

“ _We’ll have to take you to a doctor.”_ Her mom says.

“ _I already went. I told you, I know how serious this is.”_

Her parents nod, happy she’s being responsible.

“ _Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”_ Her father asks.

“ _We are. So far, everything is okay.”_

“ _How far along are you?”_ Her mother asks.

“ _About five months.”_

Her parents stare at her, surprised.

“ _You don’t look five months pregnant.”_ Her mom comments.

“ _I know. I’ve kind of been hiding it from everyone.”_

“ _How did you manage to hide this for so long?”_

“ _I wear a lot of baggy clothes and I found a pregnancy belt that help a lot to hide the bump.”_

“ _You shouldn’t be wearing that anymore. I’m not sure it’s good for the baby.”_ Her mother warns her. Jessica nods.

“ _What do you say we take the afternoon to go shopping together? You need some new clothes.”_ Her mom offers.

“ _I’d love that. Thank you… for understanding.”_

It wasn’t an easy discussion, but in the end her parents chose to be supportive, as they always have been. Jessica is really happy to have them as parents right now.

“ _If you want, I can show you your grandchild.”_ Jessica offers.

“ _Of course.”_ Her dad responds.

Jessica leaves the room and comes back with the sonogram. She stands behind her parents as she hands it to them.

“ _Wow. It makes it real.”_ Her mom comments as she looks at the picture.

“ _It does.”_ Jessica responds with a huge smile on her face.

Her dad turns to look at her and sees how happy she is about this.

“ _I can’t believe my baby is going to have a baby of her own.”_ He says as he gets up and brings her into a hug.

“ _Congratulations.”_ He adds.

Her mother gets up as well and join them in an embrace.

Jessica feels better for a minute. For a minute, she feels safe and happy, but the minute ends as the hug does and she’s back to feeling broken in a thousand pieces. This is how she’s gonna have to go through this, enjoying those quiet moments as they last and fighting to keep going the rest of the time, but she knows she’s going to survive. She wants to. 


	119. Small Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Audreys – Small Things

Justin keeps his phone in his hand after Jessica hangs up. He wonders if he should listen to the voicemail or not. When Lainie suggest they should get something to eat from the cafeteria, Justin knows it’s his opportunity to do so.

“ _You guys should all go enjoy lunch together. I can stay alone.”_

“ _We can buy something and eat it here.”_ Clay offers.

“ _The nurse wasn't really happy about our breakfast this morning. You shouldn’t bring more food in here.”_ Justin jokes, but he sees his family hesitates to leave him alone.

“ _I’m feeling great now. You don’t have to feel bad for leaving me alone. You should go home and have a meal there. I’m sure Matt’s cooking is better than what they serve here.”_ He adds to convince them.

“ _Okay. We’ll go home, but we’ll be back soon.”_ Lainie decides for them.

“ _Can I stay here? I’m not that hungry.”_ Clay tries to negotiate.

His mom puts her arms on her hips and gives him a look that indicates he’s coming with them.

“ _Fine.”_ He sighs as he follows his parents out of the room.

* * *

Justin fidgets his phone in his hand for quite some time before he decides to listen to Jessica’s voicemail.

> _“Hey Justin. It’s Jessica. We’ve been back together for a week today. Sadly, I haven’t seen you or spoken to you for a week as well...”_

When he hears her first words, his heart breaks for her. He can hear how sad she is and how much she tries to appear strong nonetheless.

> “ _I’m not allowed to see you, but there’s so much I want to say to you that I figured a voicemail would be my best shot… I miss you. I really hope you wake up soon because I don’t know how much longer I can do this...”_

He can hear her crying and he understand why she didn’t want him to listen to it because it does scare him so he hangs up. He feels guilty for causing her that much hurt. Maybe she’s right. Maybe they should leave all this pain in the past. If they are okay and happy now, maybe that’s what they should focus on. He puts his phone on the furniture next to his bed. He won’t listen to the rest of it. Not now at least. He’s more concern about how Jessica’s discussion with her parents is going. He’s looking forward, not back. He worries about the future and decides to let the past go for good.

* * *

It doesn’t take long before Lainie comes back into his room.

“ _You didn’t go home did you?”_ Justin asks her with a smile.

“ _There’s no reason you should be the only one having to endure hospital food.”_ She jokes.

“ _Where are Matt and Clay?”_

“ _Matt went home to take care of something for work and Clay is in the waiting room.”_

Justin is confused.

“ _Why?”_

“ _Well, it looks like your friends all decided to visit you. I figured I should check with you first to see if you wanted to see them.”_

“ _Of course.”_ Justin is happy to know his friends care that much about him.

Lainie returns his smile.

“ _I thought it would give us a little time alone to talk too.”_ She adds.

Justin nods, knowing well what Lainie wants to talk about.

“ _Jessica told me how supportive you were. Thank you.”_

“ _No need to thank me.”_

She sits on the bed beside him.

“ _As you’ll soon realize, being a parent means supporting your family no matter what.”_

“ _Not all parents do this.”_ Justin comments, referring to Amber.

“ _I’m sorry you didn’t have that growing up, but you do now and your child will have that too.”_

“ _I’m sorry I keep putting you in these complicated situations.”_

“ _Most of these situations weren’t a choice you made Justin. You need to stop feeling guilty over how complicated your life is. You went through more struggles than anyone should go through and you should feel proud, not guilty.”_

“ _Proud?”_

“ _Yes. Because you fought hard to survive despite your circumstances and you never gave up. Look at where you are now.”_

“ _In a hospital room?”_ Justin tries to joke.

“ _No. Alive, on your way to college and about to become a father. You should be proud. I know I am.”_

Justin smiles when, for the first time, he hears those words he wished his mom could have told him, just once in his life.

“ _I know I got in, but I don’t know if I’m going to go. I need to be there for Jess and the baby.”_

Lainie nods and offers him a smile.

“ _See. This is why you should be proud of yourself.”_ She says as she gently places her hand on his arm.

“ _Either way, Matt and I, we’ll be here to help. Always.”_ She continues.

“ _I hope Jessica’s parents take it as well as you did.”_

“ _She hasn’t told them?”_

“ _She was supposed to do so at lunch and call me afterwards, but I haven’t heard from her yet.”_

“ _Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll be supportive as well. They’ll probably need a little more time to accept it. I guess it’s harder when it’s your daughter.”_

“ _God, I hope we’re not having a girl.”_ Justin chuckles.

Lainie laughs.

“ _Trust me, boys are not easier.”_

This is the moment Clay knocks on the door and enters the room.

“ _We’re waiting out there.”_ He comments, impatient.

Justin and Lainie looks at Clay then at each other and chuckle. Clay is confused.

“ _You can tell them to come in.”_ Justin tells his brother.

Clay nods and disappears for a minute before he comes back with all their friends, except Zach. Lainie leaves them alone.

“ _Hey.”_ Alex greets him, holding a huge panda.

“ _I’m sorry. The others thought it was a good idea.”_ He adds, feeling dumb from bringing this gift.

“ _You didn’t have to buy me anything.”_ Justin chuckles.

“ _We know that, but we wanted to.”_ Charlie answers.

“ _His name is Tiger by the way.”_ Charlie adds as he points at the panda.

“ _It’s a panda.”_ Alex shakes his head with a laugh.

“ _I like it.”_ Justin answers.

“ _How are you feeling man?”_ Tony asks.

“ _I’m really good.”_

Justin answers and he means it.He’s happy right now, surrounded by people who love him.

“ _I’m surprised Jessica isn’t here.”_ Tyler comments.He feels bad for the way he treated her the last time they talked.

“ _Her parents are back in town for the week-end. She has to spend some time with them.”_ Justin explains.

“ _Oh. That’s good.”_ Alex replies, relieved she’s not alone in her house anymore. Him and Clay share a look, both happy about this, but Justin doesn’t notice. He’s talking with Charlie about the practices he missed. 


	120. It Takes a Lot to Know a Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : It Takes a Lot to Know a Man – Damien Rice

Jessica is in a clothing store with her mother, but she’s not really looking at the clothes. Her eyes are focused on her phone.

“ _What do you think of this dress?”_ Her mother asks her.

She knows she should have called Justin by now, but she can’t bring herself to do it. She’s just tired of pretending she’s fine.

“ _Jessica.”_

“ _Sorry. What?”_

“ _Why aren’t you looking for clothes? We came here for you remember?”_

Jessica puts her phone back in her purse.

“ _I know. It’s just...”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Nothing.”_

“ _What do you think of this dress?”_ Her mom tries again.

“ _I like it.”_ Jessica answers with a small smile.

They pick a few items and head for the changing room. After a few minutes without hearing any movement, Noelle wonders what is happening.

“ _Is everything okay?”_

“ _No.”_ Jessica let’s out.

Her mom opens the curtain to reveal Jessica in a beautiful red dress printed with white little flowers.

“ _Wow. You look great.”_ She comments, but she realizes Jessica is crying.

“ _Oh Jess, what’s wrong?”_ She asks as she stokes her arm.

“ _I got used of hiding it.”_ Jessica answers as she places her hand on her baby bump which is quite visible with this dress on.

“ _You seemed sure of your choice earlier.”_

“ _I am. It’s just… what is everyone going to think?”_ She says in a sob.

“ _Since when do you care about that?”_

Jessica nods and wipes her tears.

“ _You know what people are going to think?”_ Her mother asks.

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _Who’s this gorgeous girl in that beautiful dress?”_

Jessica laughs.

“ _Nice try, but it’ll be more something like look at this knocked up teenager.”_

“ _People are mean Jessica and yes, some might say this, but what matters is how you feel in this dress.”_

Jessica looks at herself in the mirror, trying to figure out how she really feels without thinking of how others are going to see her.

“ _What do you think Justin is going to say when he sees you wearing this?”_ Her mom tries to cheer her up.

“ _He’s going to say I look beautiful. He always says that.”_ A smile appears on her face.

“ _Well, it would be a shame to waste a compliment don’t you think?”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _He would say that whatever I’d choose to wear.”_

“ _Then maybe he’s a better boyfriend than I pictured.”_ Her mom comments without thinking before she speaks.

Jessica’s smile disappears.

“ _He is. He has changed so much since the first time you saw him. He’s my family too now. You can’t keep criticizing him like that.”_

“ _I’m sorry. You’re right, but we don’t know him. We should get to know him. How about the two of you come visit us in Seattle next week-end?_

“ _I don’t know. I’m not sure he’ll be out of the hospital.”_

Jessica doesn’t mention the fact that she spend the money they left her for this.

“ _You never told me why he was there.”_

“ _You never asked.”_

“ _I am now. Is this because of...”_

“ _Drugs?”_ Jessica finishes her sentence when she sees her mother hesitate.

Noelle nods.

“ _It’s not. He had a lung infection and… he’s sick.”_

“ _Sick?”_

“ _I can’t tell you about this. Justin doesn’t want people to know.”_

“ _Is he going to be okay?”_

“ _I hope so.”_ Jessica shrugs. _“He got better and he should be okay from now on, but…”_

> _but I’m terrified I’m going to loose him anyway_

“ _But?”_

“ _Nothing. He’s okay.”_ Jessica gives her mom a reassuring smile.

“ _Thank you for asking.”_ She adds.

“ _We’re definitely buying this dress.”_ Her mothers changes the subject as she looks at her daughter.

* * *

Justin is laughing with his friends in his hospital room when suddenly everyone stops laughing as someone enters the room. Justin turns around and stops laughing as well when he sees Jessica’s father.

“ _Sir.”_ Alex greets the man who smiles at him in return.

“ _Can I have a moment with Justin?”_ Greg asks and the boys all look at each other, wondering if this is a good idea.

“ _Of course.”_ Clay says as he gets up and invites everyone to follow him outside.

“ _Good afternoon Sir.”_ Justin says as he sits straighter on his bed.

“ _Can I?”_ Greg asks as he points at the chair next to the bed.

“ _Yes Sir.”_ Justin answers, trying his best to hide how scare he is of the man.

“ _You can stop with the ‘Sir’.”_ Greg says in a serious tone as he sits down.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ Justin apologizes without even knowing why he does.

“ _I think you can call me Greg now that you’re having a child with my daughter.”_ Jessica’s father says in what sounds like a threat.

At least now Justin knows that Jessica did tell them.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ Justin apologizes again.

“ _What are you apologizing for?”_

“ _I don’t know. Everything, I guess.”_

Jessica’s father looks at him and Justin waits for him to say something, but when he doesn’t, he decides there’s no reason to feel ashamed right now, so he continues.

“ _I know how much I hurt your daughter and I’ll be sorry for that until the day I die, but you can trust me. I won’t ever hurt her again.”_

“ _Why should I trust you?”_

“ _You love her right?”_

Greg looks at Justin, confused by the question.

“ _I do and that’s the reason I’m not sure I can trust you.”_

“ _I understand that, because I love her too. All I want is for her to be happy.”_

“ _And you think you can make her happy?”_

“ _I don’t know, but I know I’ll do whatever it takes to do so.”_

“ _I have to say Justin, when my daughter told me she was pregnant with your child, I wasn’t happy.”_

“ _I know.”_

Greg raises his hand to indicate he’s not done.

“ _But when I saw her smile as she looked at the picture of the baby, I realized she was happy about this._ _As her father it’s all I want for her and I guess you did that, or at least played a role_ _in_ _this.”_

Justin nods, unsure he’s done yet.

“ _Even if I wished you two waited at least a few years.”_ Jessica’s father adds in a more relaxed tone.

“ _I never thought this would happen, at least not yet, but this is the only thing I won’t apologize for. I won’t apologize for loving her that much and wanting a family with her.”_ Justin says, determined.

Greg is impressed.

“ _I’m glad to hear that because she’s going to need you by her side. There’s no running from this.”_

“ _I’ll be more than happy by her side. I have no reason to run anymore.”_

“ _Why did you?”_

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _Why did you run the last time?”_

“ _Because I felt like I lost everything and everyone.”_

“ _You don’t feel that way anymore?”_

“ _I don’t. I have everything I ever wanted.”_

Greg nods and waits a few seconds before he answers.

“ _It’s going to take me some time to forgive you, but my daughter loves you very much and I trust her judgment.”_

“ _Thank you Sir.”_

“ _We’re family now, you can call me Greg.”_ The man says with a smile.

* * *

Jessica and her mother are on their way home from the mall, but her mother doesn’t take the road to their house.

“ _Where are we going?”_

“ _The hospital.”_ She responds in a detached tone.

“ _What? Why?”_

“ _Justin is there right?”_

“ _Yes, but I thought you wanted me to spend some time with you since you were only there for the weekend?”_

“ _You can do both. As your mother I think I should visit Justin too.”_

“ _No.”_

“ _You criticized us for not caring and now that I want to go see him you don’t want me to?”_

“ _It’s great that you want to, but…”_

Jessica doesn’t find a good excuse.

“ _But?”_

“ _Dad is waiting for us at home.”_

“ _I’m sure he won’t mind.”_

“ _I mind.”_

“ _Jessica. Why don’t you want to go see him? I thought it would make you happy.”_

“ _Can we just go home?”_

“ _We can. If you give me a good reason.”_

“ _I don’t want to see him okay?”_

Her mother looks at her, confused.

“ _Why wouldn’t you?”_

Jessica looks down but doesn’t respond. Her mother parks the car on the side of the road.

“ _You can’t keep doing this. You have to talk to me.”_

“ _I...”_ Jessica begins, but she gets chocked-up.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ Her mother asks in a gentle tone.

Jessica breaks down in tears. Her mother takes her in her arms.

“ _Tell me.”_

“ _I have to be strong for him, but I’m so tired.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _I don’t want him to know.”_

“ _Know what?”_

“ _How much it hurts.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Everything.”_

Jessica responds as she cries on her mother’s shoulder.

“ _We can go home.”_ Her mother tries to reassure her as she strokes her back.

Jessica leans back in her seat and takes a deep breath.

“ _I haven’t called him yet and I said I would.”_

“ _You can call him once we get home.”_

Jessica takes another deep breath and wipes her tears.

“ _No. We should go to the hospital. I’m sure Justin is going to be happy to see you.”_

“ _What’s happening here? What are you not telling me?”_

“ _It’s just hormones. It makes me really emotional.”_

“ _Don’t lie to me. It’s not just the crying, it’s everything you said.”_

Jessica nods, realizing she can’t lie her way out of this one.

“ _I’ll tell you. After we get home from the hospital.”_

“ _Are you sure about this? Because I know I insisted, but we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”_

“ _I want to.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Her mother replies as she starts the car.

“ _Just let me call him first to give him a heads-up.”_

She takes her phone and calls Justin.

“ _Hey.”_ Jessica says, a big smile on her face once he picks up.

Noelle looks at her daughter from the corner of her eye. How is that the same girl that was breaking down in her arms just moments ago? Clearly, something is going on.

* * *

Justin’s phone rings, but he doesn’t want to be rude and answer while Greg is still there. The man takes Justin’s phone and gives it to him.

“ _I think you should answer this.”_ He points out when he sees Jessica’s name on the screen.

“ _Hey Jess.”_

_\- - -_

“ _It’s okay.”_

_\- - -_

“ _Really?”_ He chuckles.

\- - -

“ _You’ll understand once you get here.”_

\- - -

He hangs up.

“ _She’s on her way here with… Mrs Davis.”_ Justin awkwardly explains.

“ _Noelle.”_ Greg says.

“ _Noelle.”_ Justin repeats with a smile


	121. La Ritournelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Sébastien Tellier – La Ritournelle

“ _What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”_ Jessica asks Clay when she sees him in the waiting room of the hospital with his parents.

“ _No, don’t worry. We just figured we should let them talk.”_

“ _Who are you talking about?”_

“ _You don’t know?”_

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _Your dad. He’s here.”_

“ _Oh god.”_ Jessica answers as she almost runs to Justin’s room, followed by her mother.

* * *

“ _Hey.”_ Justin greets her with a smile when she arrives in his room.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ Jessica asks her dad, too worried to notice that Justin seems more than fine with this.

“ _I decided to have a little talk with your boyfriend. Man to man, while you girls went shopping.”_

“ _Hello Mrs Davis.”_ Justin greets Jessica’s mom politely.

“ _Hello Justin.”_ She greets him back with a smile.

Jessica looks at her father, then at Justin, not knowing how to react.

“ _It’s fine. Your dad was very nice.”_ Justin reassures her.

“ _He was?” “He was?”_

Jessica and her mom ask at the same time.

“ _I wasn’t that nice, but it was… a friendly discussion.”_ Greg answers.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ He continues as he looks at his wife.

“ _I figured it was time I get to know you Justin.”_ She responds as she walks up to his bed.

“ _How are you doing?”_ She adds.

“ _I’m okay, thank you.”_

Jessica is still standing at the end of his bed and she’s too surprised by the turn of events to say anything.

“ _Don’t stay standing. Come sit.”_ Her father offers her his chair.

Jessica nods, walks to the chair and sits.

“ _How was shopping?”_ Justin asks her.

“ _It was alright.”_

“ _How long will you be staying in here?”_ Noelle asks.

“ _I don’t know exactly. At least for the week-end.”_

There’s a knock on the door and Clay enters.

“ _The others left. Is this okay if the folks and I come in?”_

“ _Sure. Can you just give us one more minute?”_ Justin responds.

Clay nods and leaves the room with a confused look on his face.

“ _Matt and Clay don’t know about the baby.”_ Justin informs them.

“ _Don’t worry. We won’t say anything.”_ Jessica’s mom reassures him.

“ _Or… we could tell them now.”_ Justin says.

“ _If it’s okay with you of course.”_ He adds as he looks at Jess.

“ _There’s no reason we should hide this from them any longer.”_ She responds in a shrug.

“ _We can leave you two alone with them if you prefer.”_ Greg offers.

“ _No, it’s okay. We’re all family now right?”_ Justin replies while he takes Jessica’s hand.

Greg nods and notices the smile on his daughter’s face. Maybe Justin can really make her happy.

Clay and his parents enter the room.

“ _What is happening?”_ Clay asks, confused by all of this.

“ _Actually, I have something to tell you.”_

“ _We have something to tell you.”_ Justin corrects himself as he looks at Jess.

Lainie approaches Noelle and places a gentle hand on her arm with a warm smile.

Clay is getting more and more confused as the seconds fly by. Jessica notices that Justin has no idea how to do this and she’s used to it by now so she decides to say it.

“ _I’m pregnant.”_

“ _Holly shit.”_ Clay immediately let’s out.

The adults in the room shoot him a sharp look.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ He apologizes.

Matt is usually the first to react, but he decides to scan the room for everyone’s reaction before he does. When he realizes they are all pretty much looking at him, he understands.

“ _I guess you all know already?”_

They nod with smiles on their face.

“ _Even you?”_ He’s surprised his wife kept this from him.

“ _I’m sorry. This wasn’t mine to share.”_

“ _Well. Congratulations you two!”_ He cheers as he approaches the young couple.

Everyone chuckles at the pure joy the man shows.

“ _This is an amazing news!”_ He adds as he brings Jessica in a hug.

Lainie and Noelle exchange an embrace as well.

After that, Matt gently pats Justin’s shoulder.

“ _Congratulations son.”_

“ _Thank you.”_ Justin replies with wet eyes and a smile.

“ _How is that possible?”_ Clay, who hasn’t moved an inch, asks.

“ _Do you really want me to explain to you how it works?”_ Jessica playfully replies.

“ _Please don’t.”_ Her dad says as Matt gets closer to him and shakes his hand.

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _I know that. I just… I guess I wasn’t expecting this.”_ He explains as he gets closer to his brother and his close friend.

The four parents are talking to each other in a corner of the room.

“ _We weren’t either.”_ Jessica replies with a shrug.

“ _How do you feel about this? I mean… it’s huge.”_ Clay comments.

“ _It is, but we’re happy.”_ Justin tells him.

“ _Since when do you know?”_ Clay asks Jessica.

“ _A few months.”_ She responds, feeling guilty and worried Clay might get really mad at her.

He shoots her a look that only makes Jessica more worried.

“ _I know it’s a lot, but this is great. We’re both happy and Greg didn’t murder me, so we should celebrate.”_ Justin jokes to try to push Clay to relax.

“ _Greg?”_ Jessica asks in a chuckle.

“ _He asked I call him Greg from now on.”_ Justin explains.

“ _Wow.”_ Clay chuckles.

“ _Wow_.” Jessica repeats his word.

“ _We should go get dinner! All of us.”_ Matt suggests, but he feels guilty as he sees Justin.

“ _That’s a great idea. You should go.”_ Justin replies in a joyful tone to reassure him.

“ _It’s still a little early for dinner. We can stay with you a little longer.”_ Noelle tells him.

Justin gives her a thankful nod.

“ _Jessica. Do you have the sonogram with you?”_ Her father asks.

Jessica takes a second before she answers.

“ _I’m sorry. I left it at home.”_

Her dad nods and continues his conversation with Clay’s parents.

“ _Holly shit. You two are going to be parents soon.”_ Clay still can’t believe it.

“ _In about four months yeah.”_ Justin says in a sigh, both happy and a little anxious.

“ _Shit. Clay is going to be my child’s uncle.”_ Jessica realizes how it’s going to affect everyone in that room.

Clay looks like he’s offended and the three of them end up laughing.

After about an hour, Lainie tells everyone it’s time to leave Justin for the day. All of the adult say goodbye and exit the room. Justin is left with Clay and Jessica.

“ _I’ll see you tomorrow.”_ Clay tells his brother before he walks to the door.

“ _I’ll join you outside.”_ Jessica informs Clay she needs to talk to Justin. He nods and closes the door behind him on his way out.

“ _Are you okay?”_ Justin asks her. It’s been a pretty stressful day for her.

“ _I am.”_ She sits down on his bed.

Justin looks at her, confused.

“ _I lied to my dad.”_

“ _About what?”_

“ _The sonogram. I have it with me. I didn’t want to show it to anyone else before you could see it and you can now. If you want to.”_

“ _Of course I want to.”_ Justin tells her, his voice full of excitement.

Jessica brings her purse closer to her, takes out the picture and hands it to him.

Justin takes it and looks at it for a few seconds without saying anything.

Jessica looks at him, trying to figure out how he feels.

“ _Are you okay?”_ She asks in a gentle voice.

“ _Uhm… yeah...”_ He looks up at her and she can see the tears in his eyes.

“ _You don’t seem okay.”_ She comments.

“ _I am. More than okay.”_ He replies as he brings her into his arms.

“ _I’m happy.”_ He says in a chuckle against her hear.

Jessica’s heart skips a beat. She’s incredibly touched that Justin finally feels this way, but she can’t help and feel guilty for not being as happy as he is. She tightens her arms around him, needing this moment of pure comfort.

* * *

During dinner, Jessica doesn’t talk much. Clay and Jessica’s mother, who saw how upset she really was, realize all the joy inside her leaves once she’s out of Justin’s room.

“ _Is something wrong?”_ Her dad asks her.

“ _I’m just really tired.”_

“ _We can go home if you want to.”_ Her mom offers.

“ _No, it’s okay. You’re all having a nice evening. I think I’m just going to walk home.”_ She says as she gets up.

“ _I can drop you off.”_ Clay offers.

Jessica nods.

“ _Thank you.”_

“ _Enjoy your evening.”_ She says to the adults with a smile before she leaves with Clay.

* * *

“ _So, you’re definitely not okay.”_ Clay comments as they drive off.

“ _The last few weeks have been a lot. I just need some time.”_

“ _I understand that. I really do, but what I don’t understand is why you’re acting like everything’s great when you’re with Justin.”_

“ _YOU don’t understand that?”_

Clay shrugs.

“ _I just don’t want him to worry. His priority right now is to get better.”_

“ _You need to get better to.”_

“ _I know and I will.”_

“ _You can’t face something you’re not allowing yourself to talk about. You know who told me this?”_

Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _You did Jessica and you were right.”_

“ _I’ll tell him everything as soon as he gets out of the hospital okay?”_

“ _Okay.”_

“ _Can you drive me to Alex’s?”_

“ _I thought you were tired?”_

“ _I am, but I feel like I should tell him about this before he finds out from someone else.”_

Clay nods and changes his direction to go to Alex’s house.

“ _About that… you found out a couple months ago?”_ Clay tries to be subtle, but Jessica knows what’s coming.

“ _Yeah, November.”_

“ _Then why did you get drunk with Zach?”_

“ _Justin was still not awake and I didn’t know if I could do this without him… Maybe a part of me wanted something bad to happen so I didn’t have to make a choice.”_

Clay opens his mouth, but doesn’t know what to say.

“ _It was a huge, massive, fucking mistake and I know that. It’s what I do.”_ She adds with a sad chuckle.

“ _It’s what we both do.”_ Clay tries to reassure her as he begins to slow down when they arrive in front of Alex’s house.

“ _About what I said earlier; you being my child’s uncle.”_

Clay looks at her and nods to let her know he remembers.

“ _I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”_

“ _It’s okay.”_

“ _No. Clay, I’m really happy you’re going to be a part of my baby’s life. I’m really happy you’re my family too now.”_

“ _We already where before that.”_ Clay offers her a smile.

“ _I guess so, but now it’s going to be like… official. You’re going to be uncle Clay.”_ She chuckles.

“ _Jesus. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this. Does this mean you’re going to tell everyone now?”_

“ _I guess so. Starting Monday, I’ll stop hiding it, so everyone is going to know for sure.”_

“ _You’re coming back to school on Monday?”_

“ _I am. I can’t keep hiding like this.”_

“ _That’s good.”_

“ _Yeah, well, wish me luck. I feel like Alex is going to freak out even more than you did.”_

“ _I didn’t freak out."_ He defends himself.

“ _I have to say I was expecting worse.”_

“ _Shut up.”_ He jokingly says.

Jessica opens the door and gets out of the car. Clay waves at her as he drives off.

Jessica takes a deep breath. She’s really tired. Her day was exhausting and it’s far from over yet because there’s another huge discussion coming. She breathes in the cold air of this warm spring night and walks to Alex’s door. 


	122. I can feel a hot one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Manchester Orchestra – I can feel a hot one

Alex is listening to some music, headphones in his ears when Jessica enters his bedroom. He sits straighter on his bed.

“ _Hey.”_ He greets his best friend in a soft tone.

“ _Hey_.” She responds as she makes her way to sit besides him.

“ _What was that last night?”_ He asks, worried.

Jessica shrugs.

“ _How was your day?”_ She changes the subject.

“ _Pretty good. We went to see Justin. I was surprised you weren’t there.”_

“ _My parents came back home for the weekend.”_

“ _I know, I saw your dad, but I didn’t see you.”_

Alex doesn’t understand why she wasn’t there, even if her parents came back home.

“ _Did you tell them about the two of you?”_ He asks.

“ _I did.”_ Jessica simply answers in a nod.

“ _That was nice of you to go see him. Justin was happy to see you all.”_

“ _Almost all of us.”_

Jessica looks at him, confused.

“ _Zach wasn’t with us. Just like you, he gave us a crappy excuse to avoid it.”_

Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _Come on Jess, I’m your best friend. I know when you’re lying to me.”_

“ _I didn’t lie.”_

“ _But you’re not telling me everything either.”_

Jessica sadly nods.

“ _I’m sorry.”_

“ _I’m just really worried about you. Especially after last night.”_

“ _There’s actually something I need to tell you.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Alex replies in a warm tone.

“ _I’m pregnant.”_

Alex looks at her with a surprised face and shakes his head, trying to process the information.

“ _Yeah, it’s a lot to take.”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _Are you avoiding Justin because of this?”_ He tries to understand.

“ _I’m not avoiding Justin.”_ She defends herself.

“ _I actually told him last night.”_ She adds.

“ _How did he take it?”_

“ _Really… really well.”_

“ _Really?”_ Alex is surprised.

“ _Yeah. I told my parents today and they didn’t take it that well, but they eventually came around.”_

“ _Is this why your dad came to see Justin?”_

“ _I think so. Neither of them really told me what they talked about, but considering Justin is still alive, I figure it went pretty well.”_

“ _Have you told anyone else?”_

“ _Justin’s parents and Zach.”_

“ _Zach? You told him before you told me?”_

“ _Are you jealous?”_ Jessica teases him.

“ _No, it’s just… I’m supposed to be your best-friend right?”_

“ _You are. Zach found out after Winston’s party. I didn’t tell him.”_

“ _Now it makes even more sense why you two where always hiding together.”_

“ _Yeah, I never wanted to shut you out Alex, but Zach knew things I didn’t want to share with anyone to begin with.”_

“ _It’s okay. I understand. What are you going to do?”_

“ _Have a baby I guess.”_ She blankly answers.

“ _You don’t seem excited.”_

“ _I am. It’s just… last night, I was ready to turn myself in.”_

“ _I’m glad you didn’t.”_

“ _And I’m glad you stopped me because I wasn’t in the right mind to make any kind of decision, but...”_

“ _But you still want to turn yourself in?”_

“ _I want to be held accountable. I want to clear Monty’s name and some kind of justice for Bryce.”_

Alex has a hard time hearing that.

“ _I don’t want you to pay for this, but… I’m going to be a mother soon and I want to teach my child the difference between right and wrong, how much it matters to fight for justice and how can I do that if I keep lying about Bryce’s death?”_

Alex nods as Jessica explains herself.

“ _I wasn’t lying last night when I said I had a plan. I’ve spend hours and hours reading about laws and similar cases. The only thing to change in the story is the fact you came with me and that I lied to everyone for months. No one should get in trouble this way.”_

“ _No.”_ Alex finally let’s out.

“ _Alex...”_ Jessica tries to convince him it’s a good idea.

“ _No, I’m not letting you pay alone for this. I respect the fact that you want the truth out, I really do. A few weeks ago I told my dad I wanted to confess as well. I think we should do this together.”_

“ _I don’t want you to confess because of me.”_

“ _I’m not doing this because of you. I’m doing this because this is the right thing to do.”_

Jessica takes a deep breathe.

“ _So we’re going to do this?”_ Jessica asks him.

“ _We are.”_

“ _Can we just wait a couple weeks to do so? I want to make sure Justin is really okay first.”_

“ _It’s probably best. We can do this after graduation.”_

Jessica nods, relieved the truth is going to be out soon.

“ _Yeah, there’s no reason we should miss this. We’re finally getting out of Liberty.”_ Jessica comments.

“ _Only to end up in jail.”_ Alex tries to joke.

“ _and pregnant.”_ Jessica jokes too.

They chuckle.

“ _FML.”_ Alex says.

“ _FML.”_ Jessica sighs as she rests her head on his shoulder.

“ _It wasn’t all bad.”_ Alex says with a little smile. _“Liberty.”_ He adds.

“ _It wasn’t.”_ Jessica agrees. _“You met Charlie there.”_

“ _I did, but I think I screwed that up too.”_

Jessica raises her head and looks at him.

“ _What happened?”_

“ _We were planning on coming out to our parents today, so we could tell them that we were together. He told his dad this afternoon and I was supposed to do so tonight, but I freaked out and didn’t.”_

“ _He’s mad at you for this?”_

“ _No, I actually haven’t told him yet. I’m scared he’s going to be disappointed.”_

“ _This boy is a saint. I’m sure he’ll understand you got scared.”_

“ _Where you scared to tell your parents you were pregnant?”_

“ _Have you met my dad?”_ Jessica asks with a chuckle.

“ _Well, you always had way more balls than I do.”_

“ _I don’t think that’s true. Do you really want your parents to know?”_

“ _Yes, because I’m really happy with him and I don’t see the point hiding it.”_

“ _Then invite Charlie to lunch tomorrow and you can tell them together.”_

“ _What makes you think it’s a good idea?”_

“ _When I told my parents about the baby, I was alone and terrified, but when we told Clay and the Jensen’s, Justin was holding my hand and it made everything so much easier. It’s a hard conversation. It’s going to be easier with someone you love by your side.”_

“ _You give pretty good advice for someone as messed up as you are.”_ Alex teases her.

“ _Shut up.”_ Jessica replies as she shoves him in the arm.

It’s actually easier for Jessica to give advice nowadays, it allows her to avoid her own problems. She doesn’t have to deal with her struggles if she’s always trying to fix everyone around her. She understands Clay’s behavior way more now.

“ _Can I spend the night here?”_ She asks Alex in a soft voice.

“ _You know you can.”_ He extends his arm to take her hand.

Jessica is relieved. This means she won’t have to face her mother and the questions she might have about her breakdown earlier. Alex takes his headphone and hands one to Jessica. They lie down on his bed, listening to music together in silence, until they fall asleep. 


	123. Time to Pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : MGMT – Time to Pretend

Sunday morning arrives and Justin wakes up in his hospital room again. He is really eager to get out of this place for good.

Jessica wakes up in Alex’s bed. She looks around her and realize it’s already morning. She must have fallen asleep soon after she send a text to her mom last night. She sighs as she extends her arm to reach her phone on the nightstand. Judging by the text messages her mom send her last night, she wasn't really happy with her decision to spend the night at the Standall’s and she can’t blame her.

As they are used to do by now, the Jensen all arrive at the hospital as soon as visiting hours begin. Justin thought they would stop coming after a few days, but they didn’t. During his morning round, his doctor informs him he’ll be released tomorrow if there isn’t any change.

After arguing with her mother for hours once she got home, trying to avoid talking about her recent breakdown, Jessica decides to leave her house.

* * *

“ _I’m happy to find you here. Even so I have to say I tried the pier first.”_ Jessica tells Zach when she arrives at Caleb’s gym.

“ _Why are you looking for me? Is something wrong?”_ He asks as he sits on a bench.

“ _Obviously there is, or you would have come to see Justin yesterday.”_ She says as she sits beside him.

“ _Is it because of me?”_ She asks.

“ _Why would it be?”_

“ _I don’t know.”_

“ _I was such a jerk to him before this.”_

“ _You were a jerk to everyone.”_ She replies playfully.

“ _Yeah, but he almost died and…”_

“ _But he didn’t.”_

“ _That doesn’t change the fact I wasn't there for him when he needed me.”_

“ _So be here now. This is how you can turn this around.”_

“ _Have you told him everything?”_

“ _Only about the baby. I also told my parents and we both told the Jensen’s yesterday.”_

Zach is surprised the secret is out. He feels like he kept it for years and in a second everyone else knows about it too.

“ _Oh, and I told Alex last night.”_

“ _Wow. So, this is it? I don’t have to hide this anymore?”_

“ _You don’t. Thank you for having kept it for a while.”_

“ _Do you think Justin is going to be mad at me?”_

“ _For keeping this secret?”_

“ _No. For letting him down.”_

“ _I don’t think so, but the only way to find out is to go see him.”_

“ _I can talk to him when he gets out.”_

“ _I don’t get it. If you feel so guilty, just go. Apologize and it will all be fine.”_

“ _I don’t… I try to avoid this place as much as I can.”_

Jessica nods, understanding now that guilt isn’t the only thing that is keeping Zach from going to see Justin.

“ _I think you shouldn’t. You wanna know why?”_

Zach looks at her and nods, waiting for her to go on.

“ _Because it gives you a chance to create a new memory of this place. A good one. Going to see your best friend who is alive and well.”_

Zach smiles, remembering a conversation they had a few days ago.

“ _Like the pier. It gives me a chance to have happy memories even if I’ll never forget the bad ones.”_

“ _Exactly. So come with me.”_

“ _Now?”_

“ _Why not? I’m on my way there anyway.”_

“ _Can you give me time to shower?”_

“ _Of course. Go ahead.”_

She gives him a head sign to invite him to go.

Once he does, she looks around at the gym. She has never been here before.

“ _Are you a new customer?”_ Caleb jokes as he sees her on the bench.

“ _I’m not really the athletic kind. Especially not now.”_ She replies with a friendly smile.

“ _Why not?”_

Jessica realize she spoke without thinking, but the truth is out anyway and Caleb is not a stranger.

“ _Because I’m pregnant.”_ She explains, trying to sound as calm and normal as possible.

“ _Actually pregnant woman can play sports you know.”_

Jessica looks at him, shocked this was his reaction, but also happy it wasn't a big deal.

“ _I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”_ Caleb apologizes when he sees the look on her face.

“ _No. Not at all. I was just expecting more… shock.”_

“ _Oh my god. You’re pregnant?”_ Caleb plays out. _“Better?”_ He asks with a smile which makes Jessica laughs.

“ _I liked the original response.”_ She reassures him.

“ _I feel like I should add congratulations as well.”_ He offers her with a warm smile. _“I’m surprised Tony didn’t tell me.”_

“ _He doesn’t know actually.”_ Jessica feels bad for not having told him before she told Caleb.

“ _Jeez, don’t tell him I know about it when you tell him.”_

“ _Ready?”_ Zach asks as he joins them.

“ _You’re already leaving?”_ Caleb seems disappointed to see Zach go.

“ _I’m taking him to see Justin.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _Send him my best.”_ Caleb tells them as he walks away to help one of his customer.

* * *

Sadly, when they arrive at the hospital, Justin is out of his room to have a discussion with one of his doctor.Matt and Lainie take the opportunity to get some coffee.Clay is seated in a chair, his foot tapping the floor, Zach is pacing around and Jessica is the only one not moving.She’s just sitting still, blankly looking at the window.

“ _Jessica. Can I talk to you outside?”_ Matt asks when he comes back with Lainie.Jessica nods and follows him out of the room.

“ _I asked some information at Sanderson for you. You have until tomorrow to submit your application.”_

“ _Thank you, but I thought it was pointless?”_

“ _Maybe it’s not. You should try anyway. Have you considered retaking the SAT?”_

“ _I did, but with everything going on… I don’t have time to study for it anyway.”_

“ _If you decide to do so, I’ll be happy to help you and I’m sure Clay would be too.”_

“ _It’s very kind of you, but I think I’ve accepted the fact I won’t go to college.”_

“ _And you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but don’t give up if it’s something you really want.”_

Jessica has thought about it a lot. Alex and her are going to confess the murder of Bryce soon and that means that no matter what happens, she won’t make it to college now.

“ _I’m just going to focus on finishing high-school for now.”_ She explains.

“ _Sure.”_ Matt understands and pats her on the shoulder as they enter the room again.

* * *

Jessica sees that Zach hasn’t stop pacing around yet.

“ _Zach. Do you want to come take a walk with me?”_ She offers him.

Zach looks at her, confused.

“ _I can’t stay waiting in that room any longer or I’m going to loose it.”_ She explains, letting Zach know she understands how he feels.

“ _Yeah, I’ll join you.”_ He answers with a thankful smile.


	124. Whatever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Whatever (Folk Song In C) - Elliott Smith

When Zach and Jessica come back to Justin’s room, the boy is back in his bed.

“ _Hi_.” Jessica greets him with a smile and a joyful tone.

Zach looks at her, surprised to see her so cheerful. Jessica approaches his bed and lays a sweet kiss on his lips. Zach stays standing near the door.

“ _Hey man.”_ Justin greets him.

“ _Hey_.” Zach answers, then he walks towards his best friend.

Jessica takes a few steps to join Clay on a side of the room, to give the two of them a chance to talk.

“ _Are you… good?”_ Zach asks awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

“ _I am.”_ Justin reassures him.

“ _I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”_

“ _Don’t worry about it. I know how much you hate this place.”_ Justin is understanding.

Zach nods, thankful.

“ _I’m also sorry for the way I’ve been treating you lately. I was a pretty shitty friend.”_

“ _No need to be sorry.”_

“ _No. I should. At Bryce’s funeral I said I was my brother’s keeper and… I failed to do so.”_

“ _You didn’t fail. Actually I should thank you.”_

“ _For being a shitty friend?”_ Zach doesn’t understand, which causes Justin to chuckle.

“ _No. For being there for Jess. Thank you.”_

“ _No need to thank me. I only did what anyone would have done.”_

“ _Jesus Zach, will you accept one fucking compliment?”_ Justin jokes.

“ _By looking after Jess you were a good friend to me.”_ He adds.

“ _I kept this secret from you.”_

“ _This wasn’t yours to share.”_

Zach nods, starting to accept the fact he isn’t as shitty as he think he is.

“ _Charlie told me you started working out again?”_

“ _Yeah, since you were out of the team, I figured I could just take your place.”_ Zach teases him.

“ _Well, I guess we’re gonna have to compete for it once I get out. Up for it?”_ Justin jokes.

“ _Game on.”_ Zach replies playfully.

They both laugh. Jessica and Clay look at the best friends with smiles on their face. It’s really nice to see things go back to normal after everything that happened.

“ _What did the doctor tell you?”_ Jessica asks Justin after a few minutes. She wanted to ask this question from the moment she entered the room, but decided to let the boys have their moment first.

“ _He wanted to explain to me what my future is going to look like with HIV, to explain the treatment, how it works and all.”_

Jessica walks up to the chair next to his bed and sits down.

“ _Why? Did something change?”_ She gets worried. _“I thought they already told you all about that.”_

“ _They did, but they didn’t go into details at first. They weren’t sure I was going to make it so it was mostly about how I was doing at the moment. Now we talked about the future. About the rest of my life.”_

A smile forms on Jessica’s lips.

“ _The rest of your life. I like the sound of this.”_ She comments.

* * *

After about 30 minutes, Zach phone rings. He gets out of the room to answer it.

“ _It was my mom. I need to go home I’m sorry.”_

“ _I can drop you off.”_ Jessica offers.

Zach nods, thankful.

“ _You’ll come back after?”_ Justin asks, feeling like he hasn’t spend that much time alone with her since he woke up.

“ _I don’t think so. My parents are leaving tonight and I should spend some time with them. I’ll come back tomorrow.”_

“ _Yeah, okay.”_ Justin seems disappointed.


	125. Hearts A Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Hearts A Mess – Gotye

After she dropped off Zach at the gym so he can get his car, Jessica doesn’t go home. Instead she decides to go to Monet’s. If she goes home, her mother is going to force her into a discussion she doesn’t want to have. Not yet anyway. She sits down with a hot chocolate and texts her to let her know she’s still at the hospital. She knows it’s not right to lie about it, but that way her mom has no other option than to accept it. She can’t blame her for wanting to be by Justin’s side. It’s better for her than the truth. Now that she’s going to be a mother, that she’s already a mother in many ways, she understands how it feels to love your child and wanna protect him from the world more than anything. How would her mother feel if she knew she almost got raped again or that she was accomplice to a murder? It’s going to hurt her way more than being lied to.

* * *

“ _Does she know you’re getting out tomorrow?”_ Clay asks Justin after Jessica and Zach leave the room.

“ _No, I haven’t told her.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _Because I want it to be a surprise.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah, I already texted her dad, to ask permission to spend the night at her house tomorrow night.”_

“ _Wow. I can’t believe you asked permission to her dad. What happened to climbing through the window?”_

Justin chuckles.

“ _That wouldn’t be smart. I want to surprise her, not scare her to death and… I need to show her parents they can trust me. I thought asking for permission might help.”_

“ _How are you going to do that?”_

“ _Make her parents trust me?”_

“ _No dumb-ass. Surprise her.”_

“ _I have a key to her place. I could go there while she’s in class and… I don’t really know. I haven’t thought about it that much. What should I do?”_

“ _Trust me, you don’t want my advice when it comes to love.”_

Justin laughs.

* * *

Jessica doesn’t want her parents to leave before she can say goodbye so after spending her afternoon at Monet’s, she goes home.

“ _I was afraid we wouldn’t see you before we left.”_ Her father tells her.

“ _I wouldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.”_ Jessica tells him in a soft voice.

“ _How’s Justin doing?”_ Her mother asks while she’s packing a suitcase.

“ _He’s doing great.”_ She reassures her.

“ _That’s good.”_ Her father comments which leads her to smile, happy things are going better between Justin and her parents.

“ _Are you sure you’re okay with us leaving?”_ Her mom asks, worried about her.

“ _I am. Besides, you both have job. It’s not like you can just drop everything in Seattle.”_

“ _Jessica. If you need us here, we’ll find a way.”_ Her mom insists.

“ _I have two little brothers who need you both way more than I do.”_

“ _Or you can come with us if you prefer.”_ Her mom continues, trying to find a way to avoid leaving her behind.

“ _I have school… and Justin. I can’t just leave like like that.”_

“ _Noelle. Jessica’s a big girl and she’ll be okay. I’m sure she won’t be alone here for long.”_

Jessica and Noelle look at him, confused he’s so relaxed about leaving her alone again.

“ _The Jensen’s told us they were going to look after you for us and by now we know your friends have your back as well. I called Mr Standall today and...”_ Her fathers begins.

“ _What? Why did you call him?”_ Jessica cuts him off.

“ _I wanted to make sure you did spend the night there.”_ He explains.

“ _You don’t trust me?”_ Jessica asks, but feels guilty for doing so because he’s probably right not to.

“ _I just wanted to be sure and I wanted to let him know your mom and I would leave to Seattle again. It makes me feel better to know Bill is looking out for you as well.”_

“ _Thank you, but like you said, I’m a big girl now. I should be able to survive ‘till the end of the year.”_

“ _I hope you’re going to do more than just survive.”_ Her father jokes.

“ _When is your next appointment?”_ Her mom asks, less relaxed than her dad.

“ _In about two weeks.”_

Her mom closes the suitcase and puts on her jacket.

“ _You’ll call us to let us know how it went right?”_

“ _Of course. I’ll call you.”_

Both her parents stare at her with a judging look on their face.

“ _How about I call you every two days from now on?”_ Jessica offers. She can at least do that for them.

“ _That would be great.”_ Her mother smiles at her and relaxes a little.

“ _Well. We’ll call you when we land.”_ Her dad tells her.

Jessica nods with a smile, hiding how sad she actually is to see them go.

“ _You take care of yourself and the little one.”_ He says as he places a gentle hand on her baby bump.

Jessica takes her father in her arms.

“ _I will.”_

“ _Every two days.”_ Her mom reminds her.

“ _Every two days.”_ Jessica repeats in a determined tone.

This time, it’s her mother who takes her into her arms.

“ _I love you.”_ Noelle whispers to her.

“ _I love you too mom.”_ Jessica responds as she ends the embrace and takes a step back, trying her best not to cry.

She walks with them to the door and waves them goodbye. When she enters the house gain, she closes the door behind her and leans, her back against it. She looks around her once again empty house and listens to the silence now filling every room. She goes up the stairs to her bedroom and decides to pack a bag for the night. She won’t stay there alone anymore. Survival is the minimum required right now and she knows even that is going to be difficult here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't publish a chapter yesterday. I decided to post two today instead, but sadly they are pretty short. I really feel inspired right now so I might write a lot today and there's a chance you'll get two again tomorrow. I know the story is kinda "boring" right now, not much is happening, but drama is coming, don't you worry.


	126. I Can Make You Feel It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : I Can Make You Feel It – Home Video

Alex is not surprised to see Jessica enter his bedroom because she texted him to ask if she could spend the night with him again. She walks to his bed and lies on her back with a sigh.

“ _They left?”_ He simply asks.

“ _Yeah.”_

After a few seconds, she remembers the discussion they had last night.

“ _How did it go today? Did you tell your parents about Charlie?”_

“ _I did.”_ He responds with a smile.

Jessica rolls and eyes.

“ _And?”_

“ _They took it really well.”_

“ _I knew they would.”_ Jessica says as she sits up and brings him into her arms.

Alex is surprised she’s so happy about it.

“ _What’s going on with you?”_ He laughs.

“ _I’m just happy for you.”_ She says as she frees him from the embrace.

He looks at her, confused.

“ _Are you sure you’re okay?”_

“ _Why wouldn’t I be?”_

Alex stares at her and doesn’t even need to answer her question.

“ _No, I’m not okay, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you.”_

“ _I understand that, but you don’t need to act like this with me. You don’t have to pretend.”_

“ _I’m not pretending. I’m really happy for you.”_

Alex rolls his eyes, realizing this won’t lead anywhere because of how stubborn his best-friend is.

“ _I brought my computer. I figured I could show you what I’ve found.”_ She explains as she takes out her laptop from her bag.

“ _About?”_

“ _What happened wit Bryce. What we risk. How we should do this.”_

Alex is confused once again. Not about this, but about the way she quickly changed the subject and how quickly her mood changed as well. When she turns on her laptop, Alex sees that her browser is opened on the Sanderson’s website.

“ _Sanderson?”_ He asks as she closes the tab.

Jessica shrugs.

“ _I was just looking.”_

“ _Aren’t you going to Colombia?”_

Jessica takes a deep breath.

“ _I’m not actually. I didn’t get in.”_

“ _So you’re going to Sanderson?”_

“ _I’m not either. I didn’t apply there and even if I can still apply there until tomorrow, I know I won’t get in.”_

“ _Where are you going then?”_

“ _Nowhere. Maybe it’s best not to make any plan considering I might end up in jail anyway.”_ She jokes to try to make it sound less scary than it actually is.

“ _I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… I know you plan on going to Berkeley.”_ She apologizes, realizing this isn’t just about her.

“ _I do, but even if I don’t end up going, it’s nice to know it’s a possibility.”_

“ _You can still go. You don’t have to do this Alex.”_

“ _I know, but like I told you, I want to. I’m not going to change my mind.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Jessica nods. Then, she opens the document containing all the information she found.

“ _If you could go, would you really be interested in Sanderson?”_ Alex asks.

“ _I think so. It’s pretty close to home and Justin got accepted there. If it wasn’t for all this, Sanderson would be a good option yes.”_

Alex stands up and grabs his own laptop. He takes Jessica’s and gives her his.

She looks at him, confused.

“ _I’m going to read everything you found. In the meantime you’re going to apply to Sanderson, using my laptop.”_

“ _Alex.”_ Jessica objects.

“ _Why won’t you apply there?”_

“ _I’m not going to get in.”_

“ _If you don’t apply, you definitely won’t.”_ He sarcastically says.

“ _It’s a waste of time.”_

“ _You’ve got something better to do right now?”_

“ _I think we should focus on this.”_ She points at her laptop.

“ _Yeah, well, I learned how to read a few years ago so I don’t really need your help for this part.”_ He teases her. 

“ _Fine.”_ She responds as she turns his laptop on.

They spend the next few hours working on two very different projects, two things that may change their life forever, seal their fate. They end up working on this until pretty late in the night.

* * *

When their alarm wakes them up the next morning, they’re both pretty tired. They go downstairs and have breakfast with Bill, who looks happy to see Jessica in his home. After that, they both get ready to go to school. Alex is waiting for Jessica downstairs. He’s pacing around and looking at the time on his phone. What the hell is taking her so long? He gets worried so he begins to walk up the stairs to see if something is wrong when Jessica starts to go down the steps. She is wearing a fitted shirt and her baby bump is really showing.

“ _Jess. You’re...”_

“ _Huge. I know.”_ She finishes his sentence.

“ _I wouldn’t have said it like that, but... yeah.”_

Jessica shoves him in the arm as she walks past him.

“ _I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. You’re pregnant and it’s actually a good thing that it shows right?”_

“ _I guess.”_ She responds, not really sure.

“ _You still look beautiful.”_ He reassures her.

She gives him a small smile, thankful he’s trying to reassure her.

“ _Shall we?”_ She asks, pointing at the door.

* * *

“ _Ready?”_ Alex asks as he parks his car on the school parking lot. He needs to know she’s going to be okay about this because people are for sure going to stare at her and talk about her all day.

“ _Just another day at Liberty.”_ She says, trying to be confident, but sounding anxious.

“ _Well, I know one person who’s going to be really nice about it.”_ Alex comments, pointing at Charlie who is waiting for them outside the school.

“ _You think he’s even going to say something?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _Come on, I know he’s like, terrified of me sometimes. If I don’t say anything, I’m not even sure he’s going to say something about it.”_

“ _Well, let’s test that theory.”_ Alex answers, having found a way to push her to exit the car.

* * *

Jessica and Alex walks up to Charlie.

“ _Hi.”_ Charlie greets Alex with a smile and drops a kiss on his lips.

“ _Hi.”_ Alex returns after a second kiss.

“ _Hey… Jessica.”_ Charlie greets her awkwardly after noticing her appearance.

“ _Hi.”_ She replies with a small smile, feeling vulnerable, feeling like everyone is staring at her.

“ _You’re…”_ Charlie tries comments.

“ _I’m….”_ Jessica tries to push him to continue his thought.

“ _Are you?”_ He asks, realizing there’s not many explanations for this.

“ _What do you mean?”_ Jessica asks, acting like she has no idea where this is going.

“ _Are you pregnant?”_ Charlie asks in a low voice as he gets closer to her, like it’s a secret no one should hear.

“ _I am.”_ She responds to him as she places a hand on her stomach, not wanting to keep “playing” with him. A smile comes to her lips, until she sees some people staring around them. Her smile drops as fast as her hand does.

“ _Did everyone knew but me?”_ Charlie asks, seemingly hurt by it.

“ _I haven’t told Tony and Tyler yet and I probably should. I’ll see you later.”_ She tells the couple before she walks towards the building.She’s going to start with Tyler. They didn’t talk since Friday and it didn’t go well. She wants to apologize to him.

“ _How is she?”_ Charlie asks Alex.

“ _Not good.”_ He replies in a sad voice.

They both look at her as she walks away and at the people who are already staring at her.

They exchange a worried look before they begin to walk towards the school as well. 


	127. Far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Dark Side Of Indoor Track Meets – Falling Up

On her way to the yearbook room, she hears the whispers of the students about her, about Justin, some even mention Bryce somehow. How is it possible that he is always part of her life? Even now?

When she enters the room, there’s no sign of Tyler, but Winston is here. She ignores him and he ignores her, until she approaches the dark room.

“ _The red light is on.”_ He informs her. She turns around to look at him.

“ _That means you can’t get in. I’m sure he’ll be out soon.”_ He’s leaning over the table, looking at some photographs.Jessica looks at him, but doesn’t answer.

“ _I guess you came to see Tyler? You can wait for him here.”_ He tells her, still not having looked up from the photographs.

Jessica nods and takes a seat.

“ _What are you working on?”_ She asks him after a few minutes, feeling the need to dissolve the tension in the room.

“ _Yearbook.”_ He answers and she gets up to get closer to him to see what he’s doing exactly.

“ _I’m in charge of the memorial pages. Since I wasn’t there, Bolan thought it would be easier for me.”_

For the first time, Winston looks up at her. Jessica looks at the photographs on the table; Bryce, Monty, Jeff and Hannah. He sees her belly, but doesn’t say anything. He’s more concerned by the way she’s looking at the pictures.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ She let’s out as she looks straight in his eyes.

“ _About what exactly?”_

“ _I know you were close to him. It must be hard for you too.”_ She answers in total honesty, picking up a picture of Monty from the table.

Her eyes dart from picture to picture. There are so many, but there are only four people on them. The same four people. Over and over again; Bryce, Jeff, Hannah, Monty. She feels her heart pounding faster and faster. Her hand begin to shake and she puts Monty’s photograph down as she tries to steady herself by holding on to the side of the table.

“ _Hey. Are you okay?”_ Winston asks, with worry.

Her breathing becomes more and more difficult, to the point where she feels like she can’t breathe anymore. 

“ _I’m… so… sorry.”_ Are the words she’s barely able to say, and she says them, over and over again.

“ _Jessica. Just look at me okay?”_ Winston places both hands on her shoulders to try to steady her.

This is the moment Tyler gets out of the dark room.

“ _Jessica. Are you okay?”_ He runs up to them.

Winston makes a sign to indicate to Tyler he should stay back.

“ _What color are my eyes?”_ Winston asks Jessica, but it’s so difficult for her to breathe, that there’s no way she can talk.

“ _Okay. Let’s try something else. Name five things you can see in this room.”_

Tyler looks at them, worried and not entirely understanding what happened or even is happening.

“ _...Bryce...”_ Jessica let’s out with difficulty as a tear rolls down her cheek.

Winston gently turns her around so she can’t see the pictures anymore, understanding that was what caused the panic attack. This is the moment Tyler sees her baby bump. He’s even more confuse that he was a second ago. Whatever Winston is doing is not working anyway, so he walks up to them.

“ _Hey Jess.”_ He softly says.

Winston gives him a look and steps back to let him handle it.

“ _We’re getting though this together okay?”_

Jessica nods as best as she can.

“ _Give me your hands.”_ He instructs, but doesn’t wait for her to move to grab them.

“ _You’re going to squeeze my hands as hard you can and we’re going to take a big breath together.”_

Winston looks at them and is warmed by the way Tyler is acting with her. This is true friendship and understanding.

After a few deep breath, Jessica’s breathing is almost back to normal. She let’s go of Tyler’s hand.

“ _Thank you.”_ She tells him. _“Both of you.”_ She adds to Winston.

“ _I’ve had a few panic attack in my life.”_ Winston answers in a shrug, like it’s not a big deal.

The bell rings and Winston gives Jessica a sympathetic smile that she returns before he leaves her with Tyler. 

“ _Felling better?”_ The boy asks.

Jessica nods and wipes her tears. Tyler walks up to the table and forms a pile with all the pictures he then puts away.

“ _I’m sorry. I told Bolan this wasn't a good idea.”_

Jessica joins him at the table and shakes her head.

“ _No. They deserve to be remembered. It’s just hard for me… to remember.”_

“ _Yeah, me too.”_

“ _I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me lately.”_

“ _Maybe you needed me more than the other way around for once.”_ He says in a sad voice.

She nods slightly.

“ _I’m sorry I couldn't see that.”_ Tyler apologizes.

“ _People can only see what I show them.”_ She says with a shrug.

“ _I guess so, but we’re friends. You shouldn’t have to.”_

“ _While we’re on the subject of showing things.”_ She says as she places her hand on her baby bump and looks down at it to invite Tyler to look at it as well.

“ _You’re pregnant?”_

“ _Surprise_.” She responds in not that cheerful of a tone.

“ _I understand why you wanted some time off now. How are you holding up?”_

“ _I’m not.”_ She says, defeated.

“ _Mr Down. Mrs Davis. You two should be in class.”_ Dean Foundry calls out to them when he sees them in the room from the hallway.

“ _Sorry. We’re on our way Sir.”_ Tyler responds while Jessica turns around to wipe her cheek again to make sure she doesn’t look like a mess.

“ _Now_.” He orders.

Jessica takes her bag from the chair and walks towards the door. Tyler is right behind her and gently places a hand on her back as they leave the room.

“ _I’m here. Always.”_ He reassures her.

* * *

“ _A panic attack?”_ Clay asks Tyler as they sit down for lunch.

“ _Yeah. I had no idea she was not doing well lately.”_ Tyler says.

When he sees the look on his friend’s face, he realize he’s probably the only one who didn’t notice.

“ _What should we do now? I have no idea how we can help anymore.”_ Zach says, defeated.

“ _We don’t.”_ Clay answers.

His friends shoot him a confused look.

“ _I feel like Justin is the only once who can.”_ He adds.

“ _Even if this is true, he can’t help much since he has no idea about what she’s going through.”_ Alex comments.

“ _Have you seen how she is with him at the hospital?”_ Zach adds.

“ _I’ll talk to him.”_ Clay says.

“ _You’re not going to tell him everything right?”_ Alex asks, not wanting Clay to share Jessica’s secrets.

“ _No. I’m going to tell him he should talk to her, like… seriously talk to her because she’s not doing fine. He can talk to her at her house tonight.”_

“ _At her house? Does this means he’s getting out?”_ Zach asks with a tone full of hope.

“ _Shit. Yes, he is, but Jessica doesn’t know, so don’t say anything okay?”_

“ _Why? I feel like it might do her some good to know about this.”_ Charlie comments.

“ _Justin wants it to be a surprise.”_ Clay explains.

“ _Wow. Who knew Justin was so romantic?”_ Alex jokes.

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _Anyway. I’ll talk to Justin about it. Don’t tell her about this and just keep looking out for her.”_ Clay instructs them quickly as Jessica arrives with Tony to join them.


	128. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Smith Point – Escape

“ _How are you feeling?”_ Lainie asks.

“ _I’m feeling good. Just like the first fifty times you asked.”_ Justin playfully answers as he sits on his bed in the outhouse.

“ _I’m sorry. I just want to make sure, since you don’t always tell us.”_

“ _I know, but from now on, I promise I’ll be completely honest with you.”_ He reassures her.

“ _Good.”_ Lainie gives him a thankful nod.

“ _When can I go back to school?”_

“ _The doctor told us you could go right away, but I’d feel more comfortable if you’d stay here for a few days.”_

Justin nods, disappointed.

“ _I didn’t think you would be sad about missing school.”_ She tells him as she sits on Clay’s bed.

“ _I just want to be there for Jess. I imagine how hard it must be for her right now. I know what it feels like to walk these halls while everyone is staring at you.”_

“ _I’m sure Clay and you_ _r friends are going to be there for her today. She must be happy you’re out of the hospital.”_

“ _I haven’t told her.”_

Lainie looks at him, confused.

“ _Actually I wanted to ask you about this. I want to surprise her and I thought I could wait for her at her house later.”_

“ _Why don’t you surprise her here? Clay can bring her here after class.”_

“ _I kinda hoped I could spend the night with her.”_ Justin explains in a shy tone.

“ _At her house? The two of you would be alone?”_

Justin looks down, embarrassed by what Lainie implies.

“ _You know you two can’t...”_

“ _I know that.”_ Justin cuts her off, not wanting to discuss his sex life with his mother.

“ _It’s not like that. It’s just… she’s been alone at her house for months now and I’d feel better if I could stay there with her tonight.”_

“ _Justin, I’m sorry, but you just got out of the hospital. I’d prefer if you’d spend your first night out at home.”_

“ _So, I’m not allowed to go?”_

“ _I know you two love each other very much and I want you both to be happy, but you can spend time together here_ _at first. In a few days, once you feel better, we can discuss this again.”_

“ _Can you at least drive me to the mall so I can pick out something for her?_

“ _What?”_

“ _A gift.”_

Lainie sighs.

“ _You should rest for now. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to do that another day.”_

Justin nods. It’s not like he has a choice, but he doesn’t agree with her, even so he understands she’s just trying to protect him.

“ _You’ll be okay?”_ Lainie asks as she gets up.

“ _Sure_.” Justin answers, a little more coldly than he would like to have.

Lainie gives him an apologetic smile and begins to walk away.

“ _I’ll be in the main house if you need anything.”_ She informs him before she leaves him.

Once out the door, she feels bad for him. She knows she’s probably overprotective, but almost loosing him was a nightmare and she won’t risk his recovery.

* * *

“ _Hey. Anything planned right now?”_ Jessica asks Alex as she joins him and Charlie as they walk out of school together.

“ _Mostly homework. Why?”_ He answers.

“ _Can I come with you? We could work on it together.”_ She offers. _“Unless you two have plans.”_ She adds, not wanting to come between them.

“ _Yeah sure.”_ Alex agrees.

“ _I have practice anyway.”_ Charlie adds.

“ _See you tomorrow.”_ He tells Alex and drops a kiss on his lips.

“ _Bye.”_ Alex answers. Jessica waves him goodbye.

“ _Jessica_.” Clay calls her as he approaches them.

“ _I’ll wait for you in my car.”_ Alex informs her as he walks away.

“ _Where are you going?”_ Clay asks her.

“ _To Alex’s. Why?”_

“ _Just curious.”_ Clay lies.

Jessica looks at him, clearly letting him know he’s a bad liar.

“ _Actually, can we talk?”_ He decides to be honest.

“ _Sure_.” Jessica shrugs.

Clay sits on a bench and Jessica joins him.

“ _How was your day?”_ He asks.

“ _Fine.”_

“ _You’re not such a better liar than me.”_

“ _I mean, you heard people right?”_

“ _Yeah… people suck.”_

“ _Is this all?”_ Jessica hopes it is. She wants to escape this discussion as soon as she can because there’s no doubt in her mind it’s going to lead to her panic attack this morning somehow and she feels embarrassed.

“ _Tyler told us.”_ He simply says.

“ _It’s not the first time it happened to me. It’s going to be okay.”_

“ _Is it?”_

“ _Yes.”_

“ _You need to talk to Justin.”_

“ _Didn’t we talk about this already?”_ Jessica gets defensive.

“ _We did, but I know how stubborn you are so I feel like it doesn’t hurt to mention it again.”_

“ _I’ll tell him. Once he gets out, I’ll tell him.”_

“ _As soon as he’s out, you’ll tell him everything?”_

Clay can see she’s not so sure about this.

“ _You need to. You need help and there’s only so much me and the others can do for you.”_

“ _What makes you think Justin can do more? What if it’s just going to hurt him?”_

“ _It is going to hurt him. It will. Like it hurts all of us to see you like that, but as long as you’re keeping this from him, it’s going to drive you insane. You can’t pretend forever and you can’t lie to him forever either.”_

Jessica bites her lip, refusing to face it.

“ _I know it’s not easy to face the truth and to be open and honest, but if you can’t do that with Justin, you’ll never be able to do_ _it_ _at all.”_

Jessica nods, with tears in her eyes.

“ _Alex is waiting for me. I should go.”_ She gets up.

“ _Jess.”_ Clay tries to stop her, but she’s already on her way. 


	129. Do You Want To Come With?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Do You Want To Come With? - Stephen Fretwell

“ _I’m surprised you didn’t want to go see Justin.”_ Alex tells Jessica as they drive off. He knows he got out of the hospital, but she doesn’t.

“ _We have a lot of homework. I’m sure he’ll understand.”_ Jessica explains, knowing it’s the worst excuse possible, but she’s running out of excuse to explain why she’s avoiding him.

“ _Did you call him today?”_

“ _I texted him.”_

“ _Did you tell him about what people are saying?”_

“ _Why would I do that?”_

“ _It concerns him as much as it concerns you.”_

“ _I know, but I don’t see how it would help anyway. People say stupid shit. That’s just the way it is.”_

Alex looks at her with worry. He has no idea how he can help her. Jessica being pregnant was all everyone talked about today. Many people wondered who the father was. Many figured out it was Justin, but some mentioned Diego, even Bryce, which is the most disgusting thing they could say.

* * *

Clay arrives home and is happy to see Justin lying on his bed, reading a comic. It feels like their life is back to normal, in some ways at least.

“ _I see you already made a mess of the place.”_ He jokes as he sees the dirty dishes on the table.

“ _Mom said I should rest. I’m only following orders.”_ Justin replies playfully.

Clay chuckles and cleans the dishes.

“ _How did it go today? I imagine people had a lot to say.”_ Justin asks.

Clay is happy to have his back turned against him, because his face isn’t showing anything other than worry and anger. He pretends not to have heard the question and finishes to clean the dishes. Then he walks towards his bed and sits down.

“ _So. Have you figured out how you wanted to surprise her?”_

“ _Turns out I can’t. I’m on house arrest.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _The folks don’t want me to leave the house.”_

Clay offers him an apologetic smile. He knows how overprotective his mom can be.

“ _How was today?”_ Justin asks again.

“ _Pretty much like every other day. School is boring.”_

Justin rolls his eyes.

“ _You know that’s not what I meant. How did people react?”_

Clay hesitates on how to answer.

“ _Clay?”_

“ _I really think you should talk to Jessica.”_

“ _I will, but you can still tell me about it.”_

“ _No. Not just about that. You really need to talk to her.”_

“ _Is something wrong?”_ Justin asks as he sits up.

“ _She’s not doing as well as you think or rather as well as she seems.”_

Justin gets really worried and Clay feels guilty. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so honest.

“ _I don’t understand. She seemed fine. What are you saying exactly?”_

“ _She’s not fine. She doesn’t want you to worry so she acts like she is, but she’s really not. You should talk to her.”_

“ _I want to, but I can’t leave. Can you invite her here?”_ Justin tries to find a way to see her.

Clay knows there’s no point. Jessica won’t come if she doesn’t know Justin is here and he doesn’t want to spoil his surprise.

“ _I can try.”_

> Clay : _Hey Jess. I’m sorry if you felt ambushed earlier. Do you think you could stop by the house? I need to talk to you._
> 
> Jessica: _Sorry, but I’m busy. Is something wrong with Justin?_

Clay doesn’t want to lie to her about this. It’s just going to scare her shitless for no reason.

“ _She says she’s busy. She won’t come unless I tell her it’s about you.”_ Clay informs Justin.

“ _Don’t. There’s no need to worry her.”_ Justin sighs as he lies back down, defeated.

“ _That doesn’t mean you can’t see her tonight.”_ Clay tells him.

Justin looks at him, waiting for a solution.

“ _Come on. How many times did you sneak out from here?”_

“ _The folks are paying attention. They are going to notice.”_

“ _Not if we wait until they’re both in bed.”_ Clay explains.

“ _Holly shit Clay. Are you seriously encouraging me to sneak out?”_

“ _I’m just trying to be a good friend.”_

“ _If they found out, you’ll cover for me?”_

“ _I’ll do even better. I’ll drive you there and I can come back to pick you up tomorrow morning before they wake up.”_

“ _You would really do that for me?”_

“ _I will. For both of you … and also because you just got out of the hospital so it would be pretty dumb to let you walk there alone in the middle of the night.”_

Justin chuckles.


	130. The Air We Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : FIGURINES – The Air We Breathe

“ _Have you told Justin you wouldn’t go see him tonight?”_ Alex asks Jess as they’re both working on some homework in his bedroom. He’s mostly trying to figure out if she knows he got out of the hospital.

“ _Why are you so worried about Justin all of the sudden?”_

“ _I’m not. Forget I asked.”_

Jessica gets a text.

“ _Fucking Clay.”_ She whispers to herself as she responds.

“ _What did he do?”_

“ _Nothing. He wants me to come over.”_

“ _Maybe you should.”_ Alex thinks that maybe it’s how they plan on surprising Jessica.

“ _He wants to talk. We already talked.”_ She tosses her phone on the bed.

“ _We have stuff to do. We didn’t talk much about the way we’re going to do this. Do we tell our parents first?”_ She adds.

“ _What the hell are you talking about?”_ Alex is confused.

“ _Bryce.”_ Jessica simply explains.

“ _I thought you wanted to come here to do some homework.”_

“ _We are, but I could spend the night here again and we can come up with a serious plan.”_

Once gain, Alex worries about her. It seems like it’s the only thing on her mind right now, which is scary considering everything else going on in her life at this moment.

* * *

“ _How should I do this?”_ Justin asks Clay as they arrive in the car a few hours later.

“ _Dude, I’m only driving you there. You’re the one who wanted to surprise her.”_

“ _I know. It just feels dumb to arrive at her door like that.”_

“ _She’s going to be happy to see you. You being there with her will be enough.”_ Clay tries to reassure him, but it doesn’t work. 

Justin wanted to do something special, not just show up on her doorstep this late.

“ _Can you stop somewhere on the way?”_ He gets an idea.

“ _Where?”_ Clay asks, surprised.

“ _My old apartment.”_

Clay shoots him a confused look.

“ _I just thought of the perfect thing.”_

Clay shakes his head, still not understanding, but drives to Justin’s old neighborhood.

“ _You can stop there.”_ Justin points at the street, just at the corner of where he used to live.

“ _What are we doing here?”_ Clay asks while he stops the car, not feeling comfortable about being here.

“ _Just… wait for me here okay?”_ Justin says as he opens the door.

“ _I’ll be back in just five minutes.”_ He adds before he closes the door behind him.

Clay is still confused, not understanding what Justin might find here. He looks around, trying to see where his brother is going, but pretty soon he disappears behind some trees. Part of him wants to follow him, but the other part decides to trust him and follow his instruction to stay there.

* * *

After about five minutes, Justin comes back to the car.

“ _So? Why did we come here?”_ Clay asks.

“ _For this.”_ Justin explains with a smile as he shows him two roses.

“ _We came here for flowers? You know there are plenty in our neighborhood?”_

“ _It’s not the same.”_ Justin answers with a shrug.

“ _Why is that?”_

Justin sighs and begins to explain.

“ _You remember Jessica’s party?”_

“ _THE party?”_

Justin nods.

“ _I brought her two roses to celebrate our two months anniversary that night. I got them from here as well. I could see the rosebush from my bedroom window. I always thought ‘How can something so beautiful grow in here?’.”_

“ _Yeah, but isn’t the night of her party all like… bad memories?”_

_"Pretty much, but the night was kind of amazing at first. "_

_"It was."_ Clay remembers how happy he was with Hannah at the party before everything changed. 

“ _It’s like this rosebush. Even in the worst place, something beautiful can grow. Even from the worst night, something good can come out.”_

Clay is more confused than ever.

“ _I’m alive, so is Jess. We’re together and we’re going to have a baby. I have a good and loving family and my brother is kinda great too.”_

Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _I would give everything to erase this night, but it got us here and here is pretty good.”_

Clay nods, understanding what his brother means.

“ _I guess you never thought Clay Jensen would help you sneak-out when you were looking at this rosebush from your bedroom window.”_

“ _Exactly.”_ He’s happy Clay understands him.

“ _Do you plan on being that poetic much longer or can we go now?”_ Clay teases him.

Justin chuckles.

“ _We can go.”_ He answers him with a smile.

“ _I think she’s going to love these.”_ Clay reassures him as they drive off to Jessica’s.

* * *

When Justin gets out of the car, he waves Clay goodbye and begins to walk towards the door. He’s not surprised there is not light coming from inside.

_She’s probably asleep by now._

He wonders if he should ring the door-bell, knock on the door or just enter with the spare key she gave him. He decides to knock first, but nothing happens. He tries a couple times, in vain, before he tries the door-bell. Nothing, again. After ringing the door-bell another time, he decides to use his key. He enters the house and slowly walks up the stairs. There is no light coming from her bedroom and the door is wide open. He approaches slowly, not wanting to scare her, but he’s surprised not to see her in her bed. He turns on the light, but Jessica’s not here. 


	131. Signs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Signs – Bloc Party

Alex is looking at Jessica who’s focused on an article on her laptop when his phone rings with a text.

_Clay : Do you have any idea where Jessica is???_

_Alex : She’s still with me. Why?_

_Clay : Justin wanted to surprise her. He’s at her house. Should I just pick him up?_

_Alex : No. I’ll find a way to get her there. Just tell him to wait._

_Clay : Thanks._

“ _Why aren’t we doing this at your house?”_ He asks Jessica.

“ _I don’t know. Your bedroom is pretty cozy.”_

Alex rolls his eyes, not buying her lie.

“ _There’s no bad memory here.”_ She let’s out.

“ _My parents are going to notice at some point that we stay up so late. We should go to your house to do this.”_

“ _Sure.”_

“ _Wait. Now?”_ She asks when Alex gets up.

“ _Yeah, now.”_

“ _Alex...”_ She tries to change his mind.

He can see the fear in her eyes so he sits back down and places a gentle hand on her leg.

“ _I know how much you hated your bedroom after what happened, but I thought it got better.”_ He tells her in a soft voice.

“ _And then Diego, and it came back.”_ She explains sadly.

“ _We have the house to ourselves, we can avoid the bedroom.”_ He reassures her.

“ _It’s not just that...”_ She hesitates.

“ _What?”_

“ _He knows my parents are gone.”_

“ _Diego?”_

“ _Yeah.”_

“ _You think he would hurt you?”_

“ _Maybe.”_

“ _He won’t. I’ll be here with you.”_

“ _I don’t think it’s going to stop him.”_

“ _Jess. Did he do something to you that we don’t know?”_

“ _Not really.”_

Alex looks at her and waits for her to continue.

“ _Nothing. He’s just taunting me, but I feel like it’s just a matter of time before he does something.”_

Alex gets up and extends his hand to invite her to get up as well.

“ _He won’t hurt you again. Especially not tonight. You can trust me.”_

If there’s one thing he knows it’s that Justin won’t let anyone hurt her and since he’s going to be the one staying with her for the night, there’s no reason to worry.

Jessica nods, thankful she won’t be alone and that Alex is there for her.

* * *

Justin is sitting on Jessica’ bed, talking to Clay on his phone.

“ _She’s with Alex. Stay there. He’s going to bring her home as soon as possible.”_

“ _You told him? He’s for sure going to ruin the surprise.”_

“ _Have some faith.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _Shut up.”_

“ _I already miss the poet version of you. Seriously so, just wait, she’s on her way. Call me tomorrow morning so I can pick you up before the folks get up.”_

“ _Thanks.”_

Justin hangs up and gets up from the bed. He walks around her bedroom, looking at everything, remembering the good memories he has from this place. He stops at her desk and takes a framed photograph of him, Alex and Jessica they took a while ago. A smile comes to his face, but drops when he notices a sheet of paper on the desk. He puts the photo back at its place and picks up the note. It’s just a list of names, but he can feel in his guts that it’s much more serious than that. When he hears a car park in the street, he looks at the window and recognizes Alex’s car. He puts the list back on the desk and looks around, wondering what he should do.

* * *

“ _We have to go.”_ Jessica tells Alex in a worried voice when they arrive at her door.

“ _Why?”_

“ _The door is unlocked. Someone’s here.”_

Alex knows it’s probably just Justin, but he doesn’t want to spoil the surprise.

“ _Don’t worry. You probably just forgot to lock the door when you left.”_

“ _I didn’t.”_

“ _Isn’t pregnancy brain a thing? Maybe you did.”_

Jessica doesn’t seem convinced.

“ _Okay. I’ll go first and I’ll make sure no one is there okay?”_ Alex offers her.

“ _I’m coming with you. I don’t want to stay here alone.”_

Alex nods, opens the door and enters the house. Jessica follows him inside and pats him on the arm when she notices the light coming from upstairs. She gives Alex a nod in this direction. Alex begins to walks up the stairs. Jessica is right behind him. Part of her wants to take his arm and run outside with him, but somehow Alex doesn’t seem frightened at all.

When they arrive upstairs, Alex sees the light coming from her bedroom. He looks back at Jessica and she’s terrified. He gestures her to stay there. He slowly walks to the door of her bedroom, opens it wider and sees Justin inside. He gives him a smile and puts his finger over his mouth to indicate to him he should stay silent. Justin returns the smile and nods.

“ _It’s okay Jessica. You can come. There’s no one in here.”_ Alex informs her.

“ _Let’s just go downstairs. We can...”_ She responds to him as she makes her way to the door.

She immediately stops when she sees Justin standing in the middle of the room.

“ _Hey Jess.”_ He greets her with a charming smile.

“ _Oh my god.”_ She let’s out, having trouble believing he’s really there.

“ _Hey.”_ She adds with a laugh as she runs to him.

He takes her in his arms and lifts her up.

“ _You got out?”_ She asks when he puts her back down.

“ _I did.”_ He responds with a smile.

Jessica cups his face with her hands and brings him closer to hers until their lips touch. The kiss deepens and Alex decides to clear his throat to stop it.

“ _I think you don’t need me anymore. I’m gonna leave you two alone.”_ He jokes.

The couple looks at him, a little embarrassed.

“ _Justin, it’s good to have you back. Jess, we’ll talk tomorrow.”_ He adds before he leaves the room.

“ _When did you get in here? How?”_

“ _About two hours ago. I used the key you keep forgetting you gave me.”_ He jokes.

“ _Did you lock the door behind you when you came in?”_

Justin is surprised she chooses to focus on this.

“ _I think so. Why?”_

“ _It was unlocked when we arrived.”_

“ _I may have forgotten.”_ Justin replies in a detached tone.

Jessica bites her lip and takes a few steps towards the door.

“ _Where are you going?”_

“ _I’m just going to lock it behind Alex.”_ She explains with a tiny smile.


	132. For Blue Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Strays Don't Sleep - For Blue Skies

Jessica quickly runs down the stairs and locks the door. She leans against it and takes a deep breath. Her door was unlocked for two hours. Someone might be here. She won’t relax until she checks every room, just to be sure.

* * *

Justin looks at the roses on the bed.

_Shit._

He didn’t think of giving them to her when she arrived. He was so happy to hear her voice and see her face that he totally forgot for a moment. He picks them up and waits for Jessica to come back to give them to her. 

* * *

When she doesn’t come back, he decides to check if she’s okay. He puts the roses back on the bed and exits the room. She’s not upstairs, so he goes downstairs and hears some movement in the kitchen. When he arrives in the room, Jessica turns around with a gasp and he realizes that not only does she look terrified, but she’s also holding a knife.

“ _Hey. It’s just me. It’s okay.”_ He reassures her in a soft tone.

“ _Why did you sneak up on me like that? I could have killed you.”_

“ _Glad you didn’t.”_ Justin jokes, but it doesn’t make Jess laugh.

“ _Hey. What’s going on?”_ He asks as he gently caresses her arm.

Jessica sighs and puts the knife back in a drawer.

“ _Nothing.”_ She answers, her back turned against him.

“ _Don’t say that. I know something is going on.”_ He tells her as he slowly approaches her and puts his arms around her. Jessica relaxes in his arms.

“ _Just tell me. Please.”_ He insists.

Jessica shakes her head and turns to face him. She can’t bring herself to look up at him, to look in his eyes because she knows she’s going to break if she does.

“ _Let’s go back to my room.”_ She tells him as she leaves the kitchen.

* * *

Jessica enters her bedroom, but Justin doesn’t. He leans against the door-frame.

“ _Tell me.”_ He says again.

Jessica turns around to look at him and it’s clear she’s not okay. She looks at the boy she loves and for a second she allows herself to feel it all, she allows herself to break. When tears begin to fall on her cheeks, Justin takes a few steps towards her. She closes the gap between them and rest against his chest. He wraps his arms around her and holds her tight. It hurts him to come to the realization she’s indeed far from okay. He drops a kiss on her head and rest his head on top of hers.

“ _You can tell me anything.”_ He tries to convince her to talk to him.

“ _I know.”_ She says in a low voice as she looks up at him, her eyes still filled with tears.

Justin takes her hand and invites her to sit on her bed with him. She notices the roses and her heart melts. Justin notices it so he picks them up and hands them to her without a word. Jessica takes them and a smile appears on her lips as she brings them closer to her nose to enjoy the smell.

“ _Thank you.”_ She says before she gently kisses his cheek and Justin wipes the tears from hers.

“ _What is going on Jess?”_

“ _Can we just forget it?”_

“ _No. We can’t.”_ Justin answers in a determined tone.

“ _Please. I just want to be with you right now. I want to forget the world outside even exists.”_

“ _I would love to, but I can’t. Not when there’s something huge going on with you I clearly don’t know anything about.”_

Jessica nods. There’s no going back. She’s gonna have to tell him everything right now. She doesn’t even know where she should start.

“ _The night of Winston’s party Diego saw us leave together.”_

Justin nods and waits for her to continue.

“ _When I came back to the party to_ _look for Clay, he was waiting by my car. He was drunk and really angry with me. He was jealous because I left with you and he was sure I was only using him.”_

Justin is getting more and more worried. This story can’t end well.

“ _I tried to leave, but he stopped me. Pretty violently and...”_

Justin feels the rage forming inside him.

“ _He tried to rape me.”_

Justin has to fight the urge to get up and throw everything in the room to the ground so he clenches his fists instead.

“ _Zach stopped him so… it could have been worse.”_

“ _I’m going to kill him.”_ Justin let’s out, incapable of controlling it.

“ _You’re not. One of us needs to make it to college.”_

Justin looks at her, confused.

“ _I was rejected from everywhere I applied to.”_

Justin tries to process everything Jess told him.

“ _Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”_

“ _I wanted to, but you were in the hospital and I couldn’t.”_

Justin shakes his head.

“ _Do you not trust me?”_

“ _I do. Of course I do, but… I didn’t want my shit to get in the way of your shit.”_ She says with a smile, despite the tears still rolling on her cheeks.

“ _Did he try to do anything else to you?”_

“ _He came up to me a couple times at school, but just to talk.”_

“ _Clay told me about Bryce’s tape. Is there anything else?”_

“ _No. He’s still persuaded I killed Bryce so he does his best to push me to confess.”_

“ _What can we do?”_

“ _Confess.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Alex and I… we’re going to confess.”_

“ _No Jess. You can’t do that.”_

“ _We have to. We can’t keep living like this. I’ve been feeling so guilty since that night.”_

_“You can't end up in jail. What about your future? What about the baby?”_

“ _You’ll be here.”_

Justin can’t take it anymore. He gets up.

“ _What about me?”_

“ _You won’t be alone. You have a family now.”_

“ _I need you. Maybe I’m just being selfish, but there’s no way I’m letting you confess.”_

“ _Justin.”_ Jessica gets up and walks up to him.She takes his hand and tries to reassure him.

“ _We’re going to have a baby.”_ She tells him as she puts his hand on her baby bump.

“ _That’s one of the reason why you shouldn't do this.”_ Justin pleas.

“ _That’s why I should do this. I want our child to know what is right and what is wrong. What we did was wrong and we need to take responsibility for it.”_

Justin shakes his head, not agreeing.

“ _Justin. I… I’m not going to make it if I keep living with this guilt.”_

There it is, the deep, terrifying and ugly truth.Justin looks at her with shock and suddenly he remembers the list.

“ _I saw the list.”_ He says in a trembling voice.He reaches the desk and picks it up.

“ _What is this?”_

“ _Guilt_.” Jessica let’s out with a shrug.

“ _Why is my name on there?”_ He doesn’t understand.

“ _You haven’t listened to my voicemail.”_ Jessica figures out.

Justin shakes his head and Jessica sits on her bed.

“ _You should. There shouldn’t be any secret left between us.”_

Justin never finished listening to it because he thought it would be best to let the past in the past, but he knows now that he can’t. Not until he can understand what that past is for Jess.

He joins her on the bed and takes out his phone. She closes her eyes when she hears her voice and remembers how bad she felt that day.

> “ _Hey Justin. It’s Jessica. We’ve been back together for a week today. Sadly, I haven’t seen you or spoken to you for a week as well. I’m not allowed to see you, but there’s so much I want to say to you that I figured a voicemail would be my best shot… I miss you. I really hope you wake up soon because I don’t know how much longer I can do this… The main reason I decided to leave you this is to tell you how sorry I am. I’m sorry I didn’t help you more. I’m sorry I rejected you. I’m sorry I destroyed your friendship with Bryce. I’m sorry I didn’t came looking for you when I knew you were in Oakland. I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you harder. I’m sorry you ended up in the hospital because of me… I’m sorry I ever entered your life. I’m sorry you lost everything you had because of me. I… I love you. I’m so in love with you I can’t even explain it. You deserve so much. So much more than me and the chaos I’ve caused in your life. Whatever happens, keep fighting. No one deserves to live more than you do. No one deserves to be loved more than you do. I...”_

The message ends and Justin looks at Jess with tears in his eyes.

“ _You don’t_ _have to apologize to me for one goddamn thing Jess.”_

“ _That’s not true. We both made mistakes and it was time I acknowledged mines.”_

Justin doesn’t even know what to say at this point.

“ _Do you remember when you testified against Bryce in court? You knew you might end up in jail and you did it anyway. Why?”_

“ _I did it for you and because it was the right thing to do.”_

“ _Exactly. That’s why Alex and I need to confess.”_


	133. Cut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Cut – Plumb

“ _It’s my fault.”_ Justin says.

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _You called me that night and I didn’t answer because I was getting fucking high.”_

Jessica hates the fact he feels guilty because of it.

“ _And where was I the night of Winston’s party?”_ Justin continues as he gets up and anger fills him.

“ _Passed out drunk. Fuck.”_ He adds while he punches the wall with his fist.

He turns to look at Jessica’s hurt face.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ He let’s out in a breath.

Jessica shakes her head and joins him.

“ _Don’t be.”_ She takes his hand in hers and drops a kiss on it.

“ _Just promise me you won’t go anywhere. You won’t disappear ever again and you’ll take care of you. Because I need you. We both do.”_ She adds as she places their hands on her belly.

Justin gently caresses it until he brings her into his arms again.

“ _I promise, but you have to promise me something to.”_

Jessica looks up at him and waits for him to go on.

“ _Don’t forget that your shit is my shit.”_ He says with a smile.

“ _I promise.”_ She answers and returns his smile before she rests her head against his chest again.

“ _Are you going to be okay?”_ He asks, needing to know there’s some kind of hope.

“ _Are you?”_ She asks as she looks straight in his eyes.

“ _I don’t know.”_ He answers with more honesty than ever before.

“ _Come here.”_ Jessica pulls him towards her bed.

They both lie down on their side, facing each other.

“ _We’ll get though this together.”_ Justin reassures her as he plays with a lock of her hair.

“ _I can’t believe you’re here next to me.”_

“ _I wanted to surprise you earlier, but Lainie refused to let me leave the house. Clay is the one...”_ He says with a smile, but Jessica doesn’t seem to listen. She just stares at him, so he stops talking.

“ _What is it?”_ He asks, worried.

Jessica breaks down in tears again.

“ _Jess.”_ He strokes her cheek.

“ _I really thought I was going to loose you.”_ She says in a sob and Justin brings her closer to him. She places her head on his chest and brings her arm around him as he now strokes her hair.

“ _I’m here.”_ He simply says before he tightens his embrace.

“ _I’m sorry. It’s just… a lot and being pregnant doesn’t help.”_ She says with a chuckle, embarrassed to be so emotional. She takes the roses in her hands.

“ _Thank you.”_

“ _It’s not much. I just had to convince Clay to stop by my old neighborhood.”_

She looks up at him as he brushes the roses with his fingers.

“ _You took these from this rosebush?”_ She asks, knowing the story behind it.

Justin nods with a smile.

“ _It’s perfect.”_ She comments before dropping a kiss on his lips.

Justin kisses her back and they share a couple sweet kisses, until Justin freezes.

“ _Don’t move.”_ He instructs Jess.

She can see the fear in his eyes.

“ _What’s wrong?”_

“ _Just let go of the roses.”_ He tells her calmly, which she does with a confused look as she sits on the bed.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ She asks again, seeing how upset he looks.

Justin sits up too and looks down, ashamed. Jessica notices his finger is bleeding.

“ _It’s okay...”_ she reassures him as she extends her hands to his hand that’s still holding the flowers.

“ _Don’t_.” Justin tells her sharply as he gestures her to stop with his other hand.

“ _It’s just a small cut Justin.”_ She doesn’t understand why he’s so upset about cutting his finger on one of the thorns.

“ _It’s not the thorns. It’s my blood.”_ He let’s out, ashamed.

Jessica’s heart breaks when she realizes what he means.

“ _You can’t get infected.”_

“ _Hey.”_ Jessica caresses his cheek to invite him to look at her.

“ _It’s okay.”_ She reassures him as she looks straight into his eyes.

“ _It’s not.”_ He looks down. _“My blood is poison.”_ He says, full of shame.

Jessica gets up and leaves the room. She comes back a few seconds later with a first aid kit and sits next to him.

“ _I got this.”_ Justin tells her coldly.

Jessica watches him and notices how ashamed he feels.

“ _I love your blood.”_ She comments.

Justin stops and laughs before he looks up at her.

“ _What?”_ He asks, confused by her statement.

“ _Your blood is keeping you alive. It’s not poison. It’s what makes your heart beat.”_ She says in a warm tone as she places her hand on his heart.

Justin lets go of the bandage and puts his hand of top of hers.

“ _Do you feel this?”_ He asks.

Jessica feels his heart beating inside his chest so she nods.

“ _It’s you. You’re the one making my heart beat like this.”_

Jessica rolls her eyes and her cheeks turn red. Justin missed this, seeing her become so shy when he tells her how amazing she is.

“ _Shut up.”_ She jokes.

Justin puts the band-aid on his finger and Jessica brings the first-aid kit back into the bathroom. When she comes back into the room, Justin gets up with the flowers in hand and throws them in the trashcan.

“ _I’ll get you others tomorrow.”_ He apologies to her.

Jessica turns off the light.


	134. In My Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : In My Arms – Plumb

“ _I’ll get you others tomorrow.”_ Justin apologizes to Jessica after throwing the roses in the trash can.

Jessica turns off the light.

“ _I don’t need more flowers. I just need you.”_ She places a kiss on his lips.Justin kisses her back and what started as a sweet and loving kiss is starting to become more passionate.

Justin places a hand between them.

“ _Jess, I think we should stop.”_

She looks at him, confused.

“ _We shouldn’t have sex.”_

“ _I don’t want to have sex. I just want to kiss you and_ _to feel your skin against mine.”_ She explains as she brings her hand against the skin under his shirt.

Justin takes of his shirt and Jessica traces her fingers against his chest, from top to bottom. Justin looks deeply into her eyes who shine bright in the light of the moon.

“ _Is it okay?”_ He asks as he brings his hands to the bottom of her shirt with the clear intention of taking it off of her.

“ _With you it always is.”_ She reassures him.

He takes off her shirt and is mesmerized by her beauty. She looks different than the last time he saw her naked, but not in a bad way. Her skin looks softer than ever before.

He brushes his fingers against her skin, but she drops her head to look at he ground.

“ _What?”_ He asks her in a low voice, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“ _You probably have a different memory of my body.”_

“ _Yeah, you’re even hotter than you were in my memory.”_ He says against her lips.

Jessica takes his face in her hands and brings him as close as possible to her. Justin slowly begins to unzip his pants which drops to the floor in a matter of seconds, followed by Jessica’s that she also takes off on her own. This is something that became kind of a rule between them. It started with Jessica first once they started to hook up again. She needed to feel in control after Bryce and it made her feel more in control to take her own pants off. As soon as Justin told her that he was a survivor too, she told him she wanted him to do the same.

They are now both in their underwear, so Justin decides they should stop. He takes her hand and pulls her towards the bed where they both lie down.

“ _I have to say. I’m kind of hurt.”_ He tells her.

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _I know we can’t, but you said you didn’t want to.”_

Jessica sighs.

“ _I want to. It’s just...”_

“ _What?”_

“ _A few days ago I was thinking about it. About how sex is associated more with pain and suffering than anything else my mind now.”_

“ _Because of Bryce and Diego?”_ Justin tries to understand.

“ _And you.”_

Justin looks away, hurt by the comment.

“ _Not the two of us having sex.”_ She reassures him.

“ _What happened to you too while you were young and then on the streets. How it brought you to the hospital and close_ _to dying.”_ She adds.

“ _Don’t you think it can also bring joy and pleasure?”_

“ _I know so, but it’s like I don’t remember. Like it has been washed away by all the awful stuff.”_

Justin nods.

“ _I get it and I think that's part of the reason why I was always sleeping around.”_

Jessica looks at him with interest.

“ _Before we got together.”_ He adds which causes her to chuckle.

“ _I experienced sex quite early and it was just painful and terrifying. I think I wanted to create new memories. Good ones and as many as I could to forget.”_

“ _Did it ever worked?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _It did. Once I found the person I felt completely comfortable with and feelings got involved. Love.”_

“ _Please tell me you’re not talking about Kat.”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _I’m obviously talking about you.”_ He laughs as he gets closer to her.

“ _Now when I think of sex I think of you.”_

“ _How romantic.”_ Jessica teases him.

“ _I mean, it’s not the bad memories anymore for me. It’s the pleasure and love I feel when I’m with you. Now I can even think of the love that comes out of it.”_ He explains as he places his hand on her stomach.

“ _Once I feel better and it’s safe for us to do so, will you help me forget the bad memories?”_

“ _Anything for you.”_ He whispers against her lips _._

“ _Good. Because there’s no one I feel more comfortable with than you and I kinda love your lame ass.”_

“ _I love you too babe.”_ He answers before he drops a kiss on her lips.

They stay in each other arms a few more minutes in silence.

“ _I didn’t ask. How did it go today at school?”_

“ _Pretty bad.”_

“ _Do you want to talk about it?”_

“ _Not really. People have a lot of dumb shit to say, but it doesn’t matter. When are you coming back?”_

“ _I have no idea. Lainie doesn’t want me to leave the house for now. I think she might try to lock me up in the outhouse forever.”_ He jokes.

“ _I wouldn’t blame her. If I could I would lock you in here too.”_

“ _I’m not complaining. It means I have people who care about me.”_

“ _I’m happy you finally understand that.”_

“ _Bad news is we’ll have to meet in the outhouse for a few days. I don’t think I can sneak out every night.”_

“ _It’s okay. You should stay home with Clay. He needs you too.”_

“ _You’re staying with us too. I won’t leave you alone in here.”_

“ _I’m not sure Clay will be happy with this.”_

“ _I think he will. He worries about you too.”_

“ _I can stay at Alex’s.”_

“ _Are you choosing Alex’s bed over mine?”_ He pretends to get offended.

“ _I’m not. What’s the plan to sneak back in tomorrow?”_

“ _Clay is picking me up pretty early before Matt and Lainie get up which means I don’t have many hours of sleep ahead of me.”_

“ _So we should sleep now. I’m exhausted anyway.”_

“ _Okay.”_

“ _Sweet dreams Justin.”_

She tells him before she drops a kiss on his lips and turns on her side, her back to him.

“ _Only sweet dreams.”_ He answers as he places a kiss on her temple and puts his arms around her body.

They both fall asleep in a few minutes.


	135. Matching Weight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin is out of the hospital. His first day out begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Matching Weight – Trespassers William

TUESDAY

The next morning, Justin is waken up by a kiss on his forehead. He opens his eyes and sees Jessica standing over him.

“ _Good morning.”_ She tells him before she drops a kiss on his lips.

“ _Good morning.”_ Justin answers as he rubs his eyes. _“What time is it?”_

“ _It’s about 5:30. If you want to go home before your parents wake up you should probably go.”_

He sits up and takes his phone, ready to call Clay.

“ _I can drive you home. Let him sleep.”_ Jessica offers.

“ _You should sleep too.”_

“ _I did.”_ She answers as she sits besides him. _“Better than I have in a long time.”_ She places a kiss on his lips.

“ _I’m driving you home, but you should definitely text Clay to let him know.”_

Justin nods and text Clay to inform him he doesn’t need a ride anymore.

Jessica pulls up in front of the Jensen’s.

“ _Come with me.”_ Justin tells her.

“ _I feel like it doesn’t work with your plan of sneaking back in unnoticed.”_ She jokes.

“ _I know, but it’s my first day back home and I really want to sit down and have breakfast with my family. All of my family.”_

Jessica looks at him with eyes full of love. It is incredible to see him so happy and finally accepting that he’s surrounded by people he can consider family.

“ _Okay. I’ll have breakfast with you. How about I go home, get ready and come back in about an hour?”_

“ _Perfect.”_ Justin answers with a smile.

“ _Now go, before they get up and we got up so early for nothing.”_ She gently shoves him in the arm to invite him to get out of her car.

He laughs and exits the car.

“ _See? It worked.”_ Clay teases his brother when he enters the outhouse.

Justin chuckles.

“ _Let’s hope so. What are you doing up already?”_

“ _I was waiting for your phone-call.”_ Clay explains.

“ _If I knew you wouldn’t wait for my phone-call to get up I would have told you last night I’d find another way to come home.”_

“ _Do you really think it would have been enough to reassure me? I would have waited for you to come home while worrying anyway.”_

“ _I’m fine. There’s no need to worry anymore.”_

Clay shakes his head. That’s not true, he can always find a reason to worry.

“ _Did you two talk?”_

“ _What else do you think we did?”_ Justin replies playfully.

“ _Please, I seriously don’t want to picture this.”_ Clay answers in a disgusted tone which causes Justin to laugh, but he becomes really serious pretty quick.

“ _We did talk. About everything.”_

“ _What did she tell you exactly?”_ Clay wants to make sure there isn’t anymore secret between them.

“ _What Diego did to her, or rather tried to do. About the fact she got rejected from every college she applied to and that her and Alex are going to confess.”_

“ _Wait. What?”_ Clay didn’t know about everything either apparently.

“ _You didn’t know?”_

“ _I only knew about Diego.”_

“ _When did you found out about that by the way?”_

“ _The day they put you on the respirator. She skipped class that day to hang out with Zach and when we finally found them, they were just having fun. Like everything was okay. I got really mad at her. I wanted to understand how she could spend her day drinking with Zach when you were basically dying in the hospital. I kept asking her for an explanation and at some point she just let it out.”_

“ _She was drunk?”_

“ _I’m sorry. She probably didn’t tell you that part.”_ Clay feels bad about telling Justin about this detail, but if there’s one person in the world he won’t lie to, it’s his brother.

“ _I’m the last person to judge anyone about this kind of stuff.”_

“ _Yeah, but it’s different. She’s pregnant and she knew it.”_

“ _Are you serious? Do you know how traumatic it must have been for her? You have no idea how it feels to be raped and how easy it is to try to numb the pain any way you can.”_

Clay feels guilty for that. He’s always so quick to judge people, but he knows he shouldn’t because Justin is right, he has no idea how it is. Justin knows.

“ _You’re right. I’m sorry.”_

“ _You can trust me, she feels guilty enough. About everything.”_

Justin realizes that her guilt is probably going even deeper than he thought. Clay remembers the day Justin woke up and how much she felt responsible for everything when he and Alex found her outside the police station.

“ _She does. She felt so guilty she was ready to confess Bryce’s murder.”_ Clay remembers.

“ _Well, Alex and her are going to do it, but you told me you didn’t know about that.”_

Clay sighs. Jessica apparently told him a lot, but she left some things unsaid.

“ _They day you woke up, Jessica wasn’t in Oakland with Ani and she didn’t have any car problem either.”_

Justin shakes his head, confused.

“ _She disappeared all day. We spend the day looking for her. Eventually, Alex and I found her. She was standing outside the police station, ready to confess.”_

“ _I had no idea.”_

“ _She was just a mess. She kept saying everyone was dead because of her and that she needed to pay for it. She kept saying she killed Hannah, Jeff, Bryce, Monty and even you.”_

“ _The list.”_ Justin understands what she meant when she said it was guilt.

“ _What?”_

“ _I found a list of names in her bedroom. She told me it was guilt. I understand now what she meant. But she didn’t go thought with it that night, why?”_

“ _We stopped her. Well, you waking up actually did. Once she heard you were awake, we succeeded in convincing her not to do it.”_

“ _It didn’t work. Alex and her are going to confess.”_

“ _This is a really bad idea.”_

“ _It is, but I think they both need to do it.”_

“ _You’re going to let her do that?”_

“ _I am.”_

“ _Why?”_ Clay doesn’t understand why the truth needs to come out after everything they did to keep it hidden.

“ _Because I don’t want to loose her.”_

Clay shots him a confused look.

“ _You remember Hannah’s tapes and the list of people who hurt her? Jess has a list too now. A list of the people she hurt. I don’t want her story to end the same way.”_

“ _Do you really think she would do that?”_ Clay is shocked by what Justin is implying.

“ _I know she can’t keep living like this.”_

“ _What can we do to help?”_

“ _Just be here I guess and support them.”_

Clay tries to process the information.

“ _As for right now, we need to get ready for breakfast. Jessica’s coming over.”_

Matt and Lainie are setting up the table in the kitchen for breakfast when there’s a knock on the door. Lainie looks at Matt, confused and walks to the door. A smile appears on her face when she opens it and sees Jessica standing there with a bag full of pastries.

“ _I brought breakfast.”_ She informs Lainie with a smile.

“ _Good-morning. Come on in.”_ Lainie invites her to follow her in the kitchen.

“ _Hello Jessica. How are you doing?”_ Matt greets her with his usual warmness.

“ _I’m doing good.”_ She responds as the back door opens to reveal Clay and Justin.

“ _Good-morning boys.”_ Matt greets them.

“ _Look who decided to have breakfast with us.”_ Lainie says as she points to Jessica.

“ _It’s good to see you back home.”_ Jessica tells Justin with a smile.

“ _Hey Jess.”_ He drops a kiss on her cheek.

“ _Hey Clay.”_ Jessica greets the boy, who is looking at her weirdly.

“ _Hey.”_ He answers as he sits down.

Justin looks around him, at the people he loves the most all in one room, sharing breakfast. If this is what his future looks like, he’s not afraid of it. After a few minutes though, he notices the pills Lainie discretely places by his glass, the hurt in Jessica’s eyes and the worry in Clay’s while he's staring at her. His future won’t be filled with family breakfasts like these everyday, but this is how this day is starting and he decides to enjoy it. Life is hard and painful, but it is also filled with love and the only way to survive is to accept both. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not finished writing all of the chapters, but I know now exactly what's left to write. The end is coming - in many chapters -, but it's coming. Do you have any idea where things might end? Anything you want to see before we reach that point? Do you still enjoy the journey so far?


	136. Crystalised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The XX – Crystalised

_TUESDAY_

“ _He seemed good right?”_ Clay asks Jessica during their car ride to school after breakfast.

“ _He did.”_ She responds, but she doesn’t sound convinced.

“ _But?”_ Clay notices it.

“ _It won’t last.”_ She shrugs.

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _He’s been home for less than a day. He’s happy right now because he’s still in a ‘Holly shit I’m alive’ mood, but it won’t last.”_

“ _And I thought I was a pessimist.”_ Clay teases her.

“ _He’s an addict. He’s been off the pain killers for a few days and pretty soon he’s going to feel it.”_

“ _He’s not going to relapse.”_ Clay reassures her.

“ _That’s not the point. He needs help. I understand why your parents want him to stay home for the week, but being alone in the outhouse day after day is not going to help.”_

“ _So we find a way to keep his mind off of it. If he’s distracted enough maybe it won’t be that hard for him.”_

“ _How do we do that?”_

“ _I don’t know exactly, but we could at least make sure he’s not alone much.”_

Jessica nods and waits for him to go on.

“ _I can ask Zach and Charlie to come over to hang out and I think I might be able to convince my parents to let him go out a little. How about we gave this lunch at Rosie’s a second try?”_

“ _That would be nice, but it won’t be enough. We need to convince Justin to get help. Not just for his addiction, but for the reason he turned to drugs in the first place.”_

Clay looks at her, happy to see her looking after his brother this much. Him and Jessica may not understand each other much, but when it comes to Justin they’re both on the same page.

“ _Your therapist. Dr. Ellman right?”_ Jessica asks.

Clay nods.

“ _Did he really help you?”_

“ _He did. A lot.”_

“ _Maybe Justin should see him too.”_

“ _My parents offered, but Justin refused. He said he didn’t need therapy that much and that meetings were enough.”_

“ _Well, that’s bullshit. He needs it. You should talk to him. You can tell him how much it helped you.”_

“ _Do you think it will be enough to convince him?”_

“ _Maybe. If not, you can always guilt-trip him into going.”_

Clay shoots her a shocked look.

“ _Jeez Clay, I was kidding. The last thing he needs is to feel more guilty.”_

“ _Justin is not the only one feeling guilty from what I was told.”_ Clay takes the opportunity to change the subject to her.

“ _I’m guessing Justin told you?”_

“ _If you tell Justin anything, just assume he might tell me about it. I’m surprised you’re really going to confess.”_

“ _Don’t tell anyone else about it. I’m not sure how Alex wants to do this and I think he should be the one telling Charlie.”_

“ _Of course. And I’ll talk to Justin tonight. He’s going to get help, don’t worry.”_

Jessica offers him a thankful smile.

* * *

The school day goes as every other. People are still staring at Jessica, but they are already less interested than they were the day before. After school, she decides to attend the HO meeting of the day. On her way to the cave, she runs into Diego who is on his way to the gym. She prays he doesn’t stop to talk to her, but of course he does.

“ _You know I didn’t think you could cause more problems for me than you already did.”_

“ _Excuse me?”_

“ _Is it Foley’s?”_ He points at her pregnant body.

“ _Not that I owe you any answer, but yes. It is.”_

“ _Some people think it might be mine.”_

“ _Well, you know as well as I do that it’s not possible.”_

“ _I do. They don’t.”_

“ _I’m not the one who told everyone we slept together.”_

“ _Is this another way you found to manipulate him? Make sure he stays with you?”_

Jessica scoffs.

“ _What do you want?”_ She asks him, tired of listening to him.

“ _I’m just looking out for my boys. First Bryce, then Monty. You’ve spend a lot of time with Dempsey lately and of course there’s Justin. Where is he?”_

“ _Are you seriously asking if I killed him?”_

“ _You always said you wanted to end boy’s sport at Liberty. Maybe taking out the players one by one is easier for you. I’m just trying to connect the dots. Am I next?”_

Jessica shakes her head, annoyed more than anything by him and walks away.


	137. Howl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Jake Houlsby – Howl

_TUESDAY_

After the meeting, Jessica runs into Zach as he comes out of the gym.

“ _Hey. Anything planned right now?”_ She greets him.

“ _Why do I feel like there’s a bad idea forming in your head?”_ He jokes.

“ _Relax, nothing insane. Do you want to come to the Jensen’s with me?”_

“ _It would be kinda nice to see Justin out of the hospital.”_

“ _Great, because he needs you.”_

“ _I doubt it.”_

“ _He needs all of us. Come on, you two could play video-games just like old times.”_

“ _I’m sure you and Clay would enjoy this.”_

“ _We would actually. It would be nice to see both of you have some fun for a change.”_

“ _Okay, I’m in. Do you need a ride too?”_

“ _No I’m good. I’ll meet you there.”_ She pats him on the arm before she walks to her car.

* * *

“ _I’m really surprised you decided to clean the room today.”_ Clay tells Justin, but he remembers the discussion he had with Jessica this morning and realizes that she was probably right; Justin needs to do something other than staying laid down on his bed all day long.

“ _I’ve spend enough time lying in a bed lately and I figured it might win me some points with the folks.”_

“ _You don’t need to. You know they love you right?”_

“ _It’s not like that. I’m hoping I could be allowed to go out of this place.”_

“ _Anything fancy planned?”_ Clay jokes.

“ _I could use a meeting.”_ Justin let’s out like it’s not a big deal, because it isn’t for him, not anymore.

For Clay, it hits different, but he thinks that, at least, Justin is open to ask for it.

“ _Look who I found on my way here.”_ Jessica announces as she enters the place with Zach.

“ _Hey man.”_ Justin greets him with a smile.

“ _It’s good to see you up bro.”_ Zach tells his best friend as he approaches him.

Justin nods and doesn’t even have time to responds when Zach brings him into a bro hug.

“ _It’s good to see you sober.”_ Justin decides to tease him.

Zach let’s go of the boy and takes a step back before answering with sympathy.

“ _You too Justin.”_

Before the moment gets awkward, Zach jumps over the couch to sit on it.

“ _I was promised some video-games by your girl. I hope you’re not too rusted.”_

Justin chuckles and joins him.

Clay looks at Jess and gives her a nod. He’s impressed she already found a way to help Justin keep his mind occupied.

“ _Is your dad home?”_ She asks him.

“ _I think so. Why? Are you going to try and negotiate the terms and conditions of Justin’s imprisonment here?”_ He tries to joke, but realizes pretty quickly he should have used a different vocabulary considering everything.

“ _I know there’ s no use. Your mom is the one giving the orders.”_ Jessica replies in a playful tone which allows Clay to relax.

“ _I’m guessing you also know about colleges.”_ She continues.

“ _Sorry about that.”_

Jessica shrugs.

“ _I have a few questions for him about that.”_ She explains as she makes her way to the door.

* * *

Matt is in the kitchen preparing dinner when there’s a knock on the back-door.He opens the door and is surprised to see Jessica.

“ _You don’t have to knock. Come in.”_ He explains as he returns to the kitchen. _“Do you need anything?”_ Matt asks as he stirs some liquid in a pot.

“ _I ended-up applying to Sanderson.”_ She informs him.

He turns around to look at her.

“ _I was rejected. As expected.”_

“ _I’m sorry to hear that Jessica.”_

“ _It’s okay.”_

Matt looks at her, sensing there’s something else she wants to say.

“ _What are my options now?”_ She asks, defeated. Yes, she might end up in jail in a few weeks, but if she doesn’t, she needs to figure things out.

“ _I don’t know. It depends on what you want. Both of you.”_ Matt discretely reminds her she’s not alone.

“ _Did Justin tell you his choice?”_

“ _No, but I’m pretty sure he’s waiting for you to decide first.”_

“ _I know. I...Damn, it smells amazing. What are you making?”_ Jessica changes the subject when the smell coming from the pot becomes impossible to ignore for her pregnant self.

“ _Wanna try it?”_ Matt offers with a smile.

“ _Absolutely.”_ Jessica joins him with an excited look on her face.

* * *

When she returns to the outhouse, she’s surprised to see Clay playing with Zach and Justin. The three of them are laughing and apparently Zach and Justin decided to team-up to beat Clay. A smile forms on her lips as she makes her way to the back of the couch. She leans over, places both arms around Justin and drops a kiss on his temple.

“ _Hey. Everything good?”_ He didn’t expect her to be this affectionate towards him. She usually isn’t when people are around. She nods and offers him a smile, before she extends her hand to take his controller.

“ _I just wanted to distract you long enough to take this. Two against one isn’t fair. I’m with Clay now.”_ She replies as she walks around the couch to sit next to Clay, ready to play with them. 


	138. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : NF – Trauma

Zach went home after a couple of games and Jessica ended up staying at the Jensen’s for dinner. Once she tasted Matt’s cooking, there was no question about it. The three teenagers are now returning to the outhouse.

“ _I think I should go now.”_ Jessica tells the brothers.

“ _You don’t have to. You can sleep here. I can even go back to my old bedroom for the night.”_ Clay offers.

“ _No, it’s okay. Alex is waiting for me.”_

Clay looks confused.

“ _I’m picking him up on my way home. We’re going to keep working on a plan.”_ She explains.

“ _How much can you really plan this?”_ Clay asks.

Jessica doesn’t respond immediately, she’s too focused on Justin who seems a little bit out of it.

“ _Not much actually, but we’re not going to confess until after graduations and until then we need to feel like we’re at least doing something.”_

“ _If you need any help, maybe I can ask my mom a few questions.”_ Clay offers.

“ _That’s a terrible idea. You’re a terrible liar and I doubt she’ll believe you if you tell her you’re just curious.”_

Jessica’s response makes Justin chuckles.

“ _She has a point.”_ He teases his brother.

“ _For now we don’t tell anything to anyone. You two are the only people who know and it needs to stay that way a little longer because people are going to freak out once they find out.”_ Jessica tells them.

“ _As they should.”_ Justin comments.

“ _I thought you were okay with this?”_ Jessica asks him.

“ _I’m not okay with this. I just decided I wouldn’t stop you if that’s what you want.”_

“ _It’s what I need.”_ She responds in a sad voice.

“ _I know.”_ Justin answers with a comforting tone as he gently squeezes her hand on the table.

“ _Anyway, you two should talk.”_ She changes the subject as she gives a nod to Clay.

Justin looks at the both of them, confused by the exchange.

“ _Tomorrow we’re taking you out to lunch. Be ready by noon.”_ Jessica informs Justin.

“ _If my mom agrees.”_ Clay adds.

“ _If Justin and I ask together she can’t say no. How can you say no to a pregnant woman and someone who masters the puppy-dog eye-look as he does?”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _Pretty solid plan.”_ Clay comments with a chuckle.

Jessica kisses Justin goodbye and gives another nod at Clay before she leaves the outhouse.

“ _Okay, what was that about?”_ Justin asks when the door closes behind Jess.

“ _Like she said, I think we should talk.”_ Clay responds and points at the chairs around the table to invite Justin to sit.Justin understands it’s not going to be an easy and lighthearted discussion based on the look on Clay’s face and how awkward he suddenly is.

“ _Okay… What is it?”_ Justin replies, a little unsure.

“ _Maybe we could start with what you were saying before Jess and Zach arrived. Do you feel like you need a meeting?”_

“ _I did earlier, but now I feel better. It just got hard after a few hours alone in here.”_

“ _If you ever feel like you need one, just tell the folks. They would never refuse you something like that.”_

“ _I know.”_

“ _Do you think you need to go back to rehab?”_

“ _No, I don’t.”_

“ _Are you sure?”_

“ _Yes. I just need to attend a meeting here and there and I’ll be fine.”_

“ _Justin. You need help.”_ Clay tells him in a calm voice.

Justin shrugs, trying to minimize how hard it might become for him without any help.

“ _Why did you start using?”_ Clay asks directly.

“ _You know why. Life in Oakland wasn’t easy.”_

“ _I don’t think that’s it. Or at least it’s not all there is.”_

Justin looks down, but doesn’t answer.

“ _Jessica is worried about you. She thinks you should talk to someone about it and I agree. You don’t have to tell me anything, but at least reconsider going to see Dr. Ellman.”_

“ _I… I can tell you about it.”_

“ _I don’t want to force your hand.”_

“ _You’re not. You just said I didn’t have to tell you, but I think it’s time you know about it.”_ Justin reassures him.

“ _Okay.”_ Clay answers with a reassuring nod, not wanting to stop his brother from talking in case he might change his mind.

“ _You remember the Assemble?”_

Clay nods and waits for him to continue, but he already knows he’s going to hate what’s coming next. That’s the reason he never asked Justin about it. Of course he was curious, but not ready to hear the story. Tonight he is, because Justin needs him to be.

“ _My mom… she had a tone of fucked-up boyfriends throughout her life. One of them was more fucked-up than the others. He… touched me… and made me touch him.”_

Justin won’t go into details, not like he did with Jess. First, because he doesn’t feel as comfortable talking about these kinds of stuff with Clay and second, because he knows that maybe Clay isn’t strong enough to hear it. Somehow it’s easier to hear about such trauma when you went through it yourself. That’s why Jessica understood and took it, Clay won’t, at least not as deeply as she did when he told her.

“ _How old were you?”_

“ _Five… When it started.”_

Clay immediately feels like he has to throw-up, but his body settles for a big gulp of saliva.

“ _And...”_ Justin continues.

Clay shakes his head.

_How can there be more to this story?_

“ _I needed money while I was living on the streets. I ended up… sleeping with_ _people for money_ _. Some people thought they could do whatever they liked. I was just a product to them.”_

“ _I’m so sorry.”_ Is the only response Clay comes up with.

Justin shakes his head, feeling like Clay doesn’t owe him an apology.

“ _So you see, you really saved my life. More than you know.”_ Justin offers him with a sad smile and a trembling voice, thankful more than anything else.

“ _You’re going to see Dr. Ellman.”_ Clay says, determined.

“ _Clay...”_ Justin begins to protest.

“ _Jessica was right. Until you address this, you won’t ever feel better. Please, do this for yourself and if you don’t want to do this for yourself, do it for Jess and the baby… and fucking do it for me.”_ Clay pleads. 

Justin nods, tears in his eyes.

“ _I will.”_ He answers in a hoarse voice.

Clay gets up, walks up around the table and takes his brother in his arms.

“ _Thank you… Thank you.”_ Clay responds as a tear finally escapes his eye.

Justin nods against Clay’s shoulder and tightens the hug for a quick second before they let go of each other.

“ _We will never let you gave up on yourself ever again.”_ Clay informs him in a determined tone.

Justin nods and wipes his own tear that fell on his cheek.

“ _I love you.”_ Clay chuckles as he says it, like it’s the easiest thing he ever said.

“ _I love you too Clay.”_ Justin replies as he stands up and brings his brother in another hug.


	139. Shells Of Silver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Japanese Popstars - Shells Of Silver

_TUESDAY_

“ _You told them?”_ Alex asks Jessica after she revealed to Alex that both Justin and Clay know about their plan now.

“ _I only told Justin. He told Clay, but they won’t tell anyone, don’t worry.”_

Alex doesn’t seem that reassured.

“ _I think we should tell everyone. We owe them the truth after everything they did for us.”_ She adds.

“ _I know. You’re right, but I know they’re going to try to change our minds.”_

“ _Do you think it will work?”_

“ _No. I want to do this. I’m sure about it.”_

“ _So let them try. I won’t change my mind either.”_

“ _How did Justin took it?”_

“ _Pretty bad. He’s worried about my future.”_

“ _I am too.”_

“ _Are you trying to change my mind?”_

“ _Of course not, I just feel like I should say it.”_

“ _We could tell them tomorrow at lunch.”_

“ _I want to tell Charlie first and I think doing it in a public space is a bad idea.”_

“ _Okay. I’ll give you time to tell Charlie first.”_

They both go back to researching as much information as they can on similar cases to prepare for what might happen to them.

“ _I’m surprised you offered to do this here. You were terrified yesterday.”_ Alex comments, surprised Jessica wanted to work on this from her house.

“ _Diego talked to me at school today.”_

“ _What? Why am I just hearing about this now?”_

“ _Because I don’t think I need to be afraid of him anymore. Not as much as I used to be anyway.”_

“ _Why? What did he say?”_

“ _I think he’s more afraid of me and what I might do than anything else.”_

“ _Are you kidding me? You’re really going to pity him now?”_

“ _I’m not. It’s just… He’s right. I did more damage than he did.”_

“ _So pregnancy brain is really a thing uh? Because I don’t understand how what you did is worst than him trying to rape you.”_

Jessica shrugs. She can’t really explain it herself. Diego might be a villain in this story, but so is she. They both made terrible choices and huge mistakes. The only difference is that someone ended up dead from hers.

“ _Please, just ignore him. Don’t let him manipulate you or even talk to you.”_

“ _I’m not planning on hanging out with him any time soon. I’m just saying things aren’t black and white.”_

They focus again on their laptops and the work ahead of them. After a few minutes, Alex speaks again.

“ _Did you hear anything from Sanderson?”_

“ _I did. A rejection.”_

Jessica can see the concern in Alex’s eyes.

“ _It’s for the best. Now I won’t have to explain to them I won’t attend because I’ll be in jail.”_ She tries to joke.

“ _Nothing about this is funny.”_

“ _No… It’s really not.”_ She responds, more honest this time and allowing herself to show some vulnerability.

“ _What’s next? What can you do?”_

“ _My only option is to retake the SAT.”_

“ _Do it.”_

“ _I need to study for it and I don’t see the point of doing that now.”_

“ _Because you worry you might end-up in jail?”_

“ _I’ve been rejected and I’m going to give birth at the end of the summer. It’s not like going to college is going to be an option for me anyway. At least not now.”_

“ _That doesn’t mean you can’t find a solution.”_

“ _If I don’t go to jail, I’ll find a job. I need the money and my parents may have accepted the pregnancy, but I doubt they’re going to accept the cover up of a murder that easily.”_

“ _You know you’ll have to tell them at some point. We both have to tell our parents before we go to the cops with this.”_

“ _How much harder can it get?”_ Jessica asks, suddenly in tears, realizing her future is not looking brighter than her past.Every-time she feels she reached her lowest point, she falls deeper.

“ _Hey. We’ll get through this together. We always do.”_ Alex tries to reassure her as he brings her into his arms.

“ _It’s just...”_ She says as she lets go of him.

“ _Hormones.”_ She adds wit a sad smile, which is true. If she wasn’t pregnant she probably wouldn’t have broken down in tears, but her situation wouldn’t be that much different and the future wouldn’t be any less scary.

“ _I know.”_ Alex adds and places his arm around her shoulders.

“ _Come here.”_ He tells her in a reassuring tone as he brings her against him again anyway. Whether this is just hormones or not, she’s not feeling good and he’ll try everything he can to change that. 


	140. Somebody's Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Passenger - Somebody's Love

_WEDNESDAY_

School doesn’t start for two hours, but Zach is already here. He’s working out in the gym. It’s starting to be easier for him to do so. It took him a while to do the first step, but he won’t back down now.

“ _Happy to see you here.”_ Kerba comments when he arrives next to Zach.

“ _You’re here early.”_ Zach answers, pretending he didn’t hear his comment.

“ _So are you. I have something for you. Don’t disappear okay?”_

Zach nods, a little confused. Kerba leaves for a few minute. When he comes back, he hands Zach something.

“ _What is this?”_

“ _Your jersey.”_

“ _I know that, but… why? I’m not part of the team anymore.”_

“ _You are. You always were. I saw you at practice lately.”_

“ _Yeah, to watch. It’s not like I have anything to offer.”_

“ _Are you sure? Because this means something else.”_ Kerba answers as he points at a patch sawed in the jersey.

“ _Charlie and Justin are captains now.”_

“ _Not anymore.”_

Zach looks at him, not understanding what’s happening.

“ _Justin never wanted to be captain. He only did it to help Charlie who didn’t want to do it either.”_ Kerba explains.

“ _Well, they are now. I won’t accept this.”_

“ _Zach. Charlie came to see me. He talked to Justin and they both agreed. You’re the captain of the Liberty High Tigers.”_

“ _I can’t play yet.”_

“ _A good captain is not just good player. I think we both know that.”_

Zach nods, moved by so much sympathy.

“ _Justin is coming back next week. He won’t be able to play at first, but if you’re here for him, he’ll get a chance to play at least one last time here before the end of the year. Your teammates need a captain Zach, not another player.”_

“ _I’ll help him coach.”_

“ _Great. How are you feeling? Are the PT sessions working for you?”_

“ _They are. I’ve already noticed some progress.”_

“ _How soon do you think you’ll be back to the field?”_

“ _I have no idea. I’m doing my best. Why?”_

“ _What are you doing next year?”_

“ _I don’t know. Not much planned to be honest.”_

“ _How would you feel about coming to work with me?”_

“ _Where?”_ Zach is confused.

“ _Here at Liberty. I need an assistant coach and I think you’re perfect for the job.”_

“ _Coach. This is all too much. I don’t think I deserve all of this.”_

“ _I think you do and I’m not the only one thinking it. Justin suggested I offer you the job.”_

“ _What? When?”_

“ _Last night. We… ran into each other and we talked about it.”_

“ _Coach, I...”_

“ _Just think about it okay?”_

“ _Okay. I will.”_

* * *

It didn’t take too much arguing and Lainie allowed Justin to leave the house with Clay and Jessica who both came to pick him up for lunch. When they enter the dinner, all their friends are already seated. They all order their food and everyone mostly talks about how happy they are that Justin is with them this time around.

“ _Kerba asked me to be captain again this morning.”_ Zach informs the group.

Charlie and Justin exchange a smile, proud to be the reasons why Kerba did this.

“ _Thank you guys. I hope I won’t screw this up.”_

“ _You won’t. You’re a great captain.”_ Charlie reassures him.

“ _That means you two aren’t captains anymore?”_ Clay asks.

“ _No and I’m kind of relieved. Being a leader isn’t exactly my thing.”_ Charlie says.

“ _Too bad. I liked the idea of dating the captain of the football team.”_ Alex comments jokingly.

“ _Me too, but I guess I can settle for the hottest member of the team.”_ Jessica says as she drops a kiss to Justin’s cheek.

“ _Maybe you could take the opportunity to fire some of the players.”_ Justin says pretty seriously, not looking forward to be in the same team as Diego.

“ _I wish I could, but they were already punished by Dean Foundry.”_ Zach explains.

“ _For the tape?”_ Tyler asks.

“ _Yeah. They are benched for the next game.”_ Charlie informs them.

“ _This is fucked up.”_ Alex says, not happy about this little slap on the wrist.

“ _Not surprising though.”_ Clay adds.

The waiter comes back with their food.

“ _Wow.”_ Alex comments as he stares at Jessica’s plate.Everyone is staring at it.

“ _What? I’m pregnant.”_ Jessica answers with a chuckle.

“ _I’m glad. It’s a pretty big change from the last time we ate here.”_ Zach offers her, happy to see she’s taking care of herself. Jessica nods, a little sad to be reminded of this particular day.

Justin steals a fry from her plate, she looks up at him and the smile on his face brings one on hers.

“ _When are we going to know if baby Jesstin is a boy or a girl?”_ Zach asks.

“ _Baby Jesstin?”_ Clay asks, confused.

“ _Yeah, Jessica and Justin… Jesstin. It’s like a ship name.”_ Zach explains.

Clay continues to look at him like he’s insane.

“ _Come on Clay. You write fanfiction. Don’t pretend you don’t know what a ship name is.”_ Jessica teases him.

He shoots Justin a sharp look and everyone else laughs.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ Justin apologizes with a little laugh as well.

“ _If you’re going to tell Justin anything, just know he’s probably going to tell me about it.”_ Jessica winks at him, using his words against him.

“ _When are we going to find out?”_ Justin asks her seriously.

“ _This week actually. If we want to.”_ She informs him.

“ _Do you want to know?”_ He asks her.

“ _I do, but if you don’t want to know, I’ll understand.”_

Justin thinks about it, but doesn’t answer right away.

“ _Do we have a say?”_ Alex asks jokingly.

“ _I think you’re all already way too invested in this.”_ Jessica replies playfully.

“ _For once we actually have something exciting to talk about.”_ Tony says.

“ _I want to know too. When’s your appointment?”_ Justin made up his mind.

“ _This Friday. Do you want to come with me?”_ Jessica asks, a little embarrassed to admit she wants him to.

“ _Of course I do… If I’m allowed.”_ Justin knows he’s gonna have to ask his parents.

“ _You will be. If not, I’ll help you sneak out again don’t worry.”_ Clay offers.


	141. Fuel to Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fuel to Fire · Agnes Obel

_WEDNESDAY_

After their lunch, Clay drives Justin home. The rest of them goes back to school. Justin is not looking forward to spend hours alone with nothing to do. He decides to do some research on colleges because he has to make a choice by next week. After an hour or so, he realizes he’s not that advanced because he can’t make this decision without worrying about Jessica and the baby. He closes his laptop, frustrated and looks around his bedroom. The only thing he knows is that they’re gonna need money. Maybe he should find a job instead of choosing between Sanderson and Occidental. He had one, but he lost it. He gets up abruptly. He can’t spiral because he knows how it’s going to end, how it ended way too many times before. He exits the outhouse and enters the main-house. He has to find something else to do. When he enters the kitchen, he remembers how much Jessica ate that day and a smile comes to his lips. Maybe he can find something easy to make. He takes out his phone and searches for a recipe while he opens the cabinets to figure out what is available to him here.

“ _Brownies it is._ ” He says to himself.

After successfully cooking his brownies and cleaning the kitchen, he returns to the outhouse. He looks at the time on Clay’s alarm clock. School just ended, but Clay won’t be home right away because he has an appointment with Dr. Ellmann. He hopes Jessica comes straight here from school. At this moment, the door opens to reveal Zach.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ Justin is surprised that he came to see him again.

“ _I’m here to hang-out.”_ Zach simply explains.

Zach sits on the couch like this is something they did everyday.

“ _Up for another game?”_ He asks Justin.

“ _Sure_.” Justin joins him, happy for another distraction.

“ _Shit. Are these brownies?”_ Zach asks, already extending his hand to grab one.

“ _Yes, but don’t eat them all. I made them for Jess.”_ Justin explains as he gets up to grab his ringing phone from the table.

“ _Hello?”_

_\- - -_

“ _I’m doing good, thank you.”_

_\- - -_

“ _No she didn’t tell me about this.”_

_\- - -_

“ _I don’t think I can, but it’s a good idea. I’ll try to convince her.”_

_\- - -_

“ _Thank you. You too Greg.”_

He hangs up and Zach turns to look at him.

“ _Greg as in Mr. Davis?”_

“ _Yeah, I call him Greg now.”_ Justin answers, not used to it yet.

“ _What did he want?”_ Zach gets curious.

“ _He wants me to convince Jess to go to Seattle this week-end.”_ Justin explains as he sits back besides him.

“ _Good luck with that.”_ Zach lets out without thinking.

“ _Why?”_

“ _They wanted her to come to Seattle while you were in the hospital, but she didn’t wanna go. I though it was a good idea, but she refused to go.”_

“ _Because of me?”_

“ _Kind of...”_ Zach remembers the other reason why she didn’t wanna go.

“ _Please tell me. I know I’ve missed a lot while I was in the hospital, but we’re talking about Jess here.”_

“ _So talk to her.”_

“ _I did, but every time there’s something new that I had no idea about. Today at lunch, you said things were very different from the last time and everyone seemed to understand, except me.”_ Justin is starting to get frustrated.

> _How much is she still hiding from me?_

“ _It’s nothing important.”_ Zach answers in a detached tone.

“ _Like Diego trying to rape her?”_ Justin says in an angry tone.

“ _She told you about this?”_

“ _Yeah.”_

Justin looks down, still feeling guilty for not being there for her that night.

“ _Thank you. I know you were there for her a lot. Especially that night.”_ Justin adds, the anger in his voice gone.

“ _I think everyone would have done the same thing. I was just lucky to be there.”_

Justin scoffs.

“ _Not everyone.”_

Zach looks at him with concern when he understands what he means.

“ _You’ve changed since then. If you would have been at my place at Winston’s party I know you would have stopped him too. He would probably be dead by now.”_

Justin scoffs.

“ _Trust me, he’s lucky I’m not allowed to leave the house because I’m still trying to find a reason why I shouldn’t kill him.”_

“ _We’re all looking after her. He’s not going to touch her again.”_ Zach reassures him.

“ _That’s great and I’m glad you’re all having her back, but I want to be there for her too. I feel like I should be the one protecting her, but I can’t because for some reason she refuses to tell me everything. Does she not trust me?”_

“ _Justin. Do you want to know why I said that at lunch? Because she basically stopped eating the moment she knew you were not doing great. Today, fro the first time, she had a very full plate and it’s not only because she’s pregnant like she said. Well, it is, but she was pregnant for months before that, but that wasn’t enough for her. With you in the hospital, it’s like a part of herself was missing. She was in a very very bad place and not just because of Diego, because she was terrified she was going to loose you. She stopped eating, skipped class, resigned from her position as student body president and she even drank with me one afternoon.”_

Justin nods, a lump in his throat preventing him from talking.

“ _She’s not telling you everything because she wants to protect you as much as you want to protect her. She doesn’t want you to worry about her as much as she worried about you.”_

“ _Clay told me about the drinking. Why?”_ He asks, feeling like he has a chance to get some answers.

“ _The next day she had an abortion scheduled. She was… so lost and I think she felt like she would never find her way without you.”_

Justin closes his eyes. He had no idea about the abortion.

“ _I’m so sorry to tell you all of this like this, but you need to know that if she keeps anything from you it’s not because she doesn’t trust you. Far from it.”_

Justin nods.

“ _And Seattle? What is it if it’s not about me?”_

“ _She doesn’t have enough money to buy a plane ticket.”_

“ _I’m pretty sure her parents would buy one for her if it’s the only thing keeping her from going.”_

“ _They gave her money for it, but she… spend it and she doesn’t want them to know about it.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _She gave the money to someone.”_

“ _Who?”_

“ _You should probably ask her.”_

“ _Zach. After everything you said, this is where you stop? Who did she give the money to?”_

“ _Your mom.”_

At this moment, Jessica enters the outhouse.

“ _Hey.”_ She greets the boys as she sits beside Justin and brings her legs up to lie them on his knees.

“ _Are you okay?”_ Zach asks her because she doesn’t look like it.

“ _I’m just… so tired.”_ She explains in a sigh. _“How was your afternoon?”_ She asks Justin.

“ _Pretty interesting. I made brownies for the first time in my life.”_ He explains with a smile as he hands her the box. Her eyes light up.

“ _This is why you’re going to be an amazing dad.”_ She says without thinking much about it as she grabs one.

Justin drops a kiss on her temple.

“ _Are you going to play with us again?”_ Zach asks as he points at the controllers on the coffee-table.

“ _No, I just stopped by on my way home. Like I said, I’m exhausted. I’m not staying long.”_

“ _The offer still stands. You don’t have to go home.”_ Justin offers _._ He wants her to stay as much as it is for her than it is for him.

“ _I can leave you two alone.”_ Zach says, knowing Justin probably has questions for her.

“ _Don’t. I like to watch you guys play.”_ Jessica tells him which cause the both of them to look at her, confused. She shoots Zach a looks that reminds him he’s not allowed to leave Justin alone until Clay comes back.

“ _Justin got me a job.”_ He informs her.

“ _What_?” Jessica doesn’t understand.

“ _I hope you took it.”_ Justin says.

“ _What the hell are you two talking about?”_ Jessica asks again.

“ _Kerba wants me to work as an assistant coach at Liberty next year.”_

“ _That’s amazing Zach.”_ Jessica comments.

“ _It is, but I haven’t decided yet. Why did you recommend me?”_

“ _Because I knew you didn’t have a plan and you’re the best person for the job.”_

“ _Do you think you’ll need an assistant cheerleader? I could use a job too.”_ Jessica comments, which causes Zach to chuckle, but Justin looks at her with worry as her stare is focused on the brownie she’s eating.


	142. With Light There Is Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Princess One Point Five – With Light There Is Hope

_Thursday_

Alex and Charlie are walking out of school together.

“ _What are your plans tonight? We could hang out._ _My dad is on a business trip._ _”_ Charlie offers.

“ _Sorry. I already have something planned.”_ Alex is starting to feel guilty about hiding this from his boyfriend.

“ _With Jessica I assume.”_ Charlie seems a little upset.

“ _Yeah. I’m sorry, but you know her parents are out of town. I don’t want her to be alone.”_

“ _Why doesn’t she hang out with her boyfriend? That way you could hang out with yours.”_

“ _Because we’re doing homework. It’s not really entertaining. Justin would be bored, you would be bored...”_

“ _Every single evening?”_ Charlie knows there’s a lie somewhere.

“ _Listen. She’s my best-friend. We’re both leaving for college in a few months. I just want to spend time with her before that and if it means doing homework together everyday so be it.”_

“ _You’re not working all night long. You can come over after you’re done with school work.”_

“ _I’m not going to leave her alone.”_

“ _In case you didn’t hear, I’m also alone at home and in a few months we’ll be separated too.”_

Alex feels bad because Charlie is clearly hurt by what he said, but he doesn’t find an answer soon enough and Charlie is about to leave when Jessica arrives.

“ _Hey. Just the person I was looking for.”_

“ _I’ll leave you to it.”_ Charlie tells her in a sad tone.

Alex is about to say something to, but he’s interrupted by Jessica.

“ _Actually I meant you Cookies._ ” She informs them, a little confused by the tension in the air.

“ _What_?” Charlie asks, pretty coldly.

“ _If you’re available right now, do you think you could visit Justin?”_

“ _I thought Zach was the one distracting him?”_ Charlie’s tone is a little less cold this time.He’s not angry at Justin and he genuinely cares about him and his well-being.

“ _Not today. He finally decided to tell his mom about college so there’s a pretty good chance he won’t be allowed to leave his house after that discussion.”_

“ _Isn’t Clay living with him?”_ Alex doesn’t really understand why him and Jessica decided to organize this in the first place.

“ _Clay is great, but he’s not the best when it comes to distracting people. He’s the person you face your problems with, not the person you escape them with.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _It’s not a problem. I’m happy to do it.”_ Charlie accepts.

“ _Thank you. I know I may be over-reacting, but it’s not like hanging out with Justin is such a huge favor to ask.”_

“ _It’s not at all.”_ Charlie answers with a smile and leaves the two of them without saying goodbye.

Alex sighs as he and Jess walk towards the parking lot.

“ _Is something wrong?”_ She asks him.

“ _Nothing. All good.”_ Alex reassures her, but she’s not that oblivious, she saw something was off.

* * *

Alex and Jessica are now working on their homework in her house. He actually didn’t completely lie to Charlie about this. After about an hour however, they change their activity. Jessica puts some books on the coffee-table. They stopped by the public library on their way to get some books about the justice system, laws, criminal cases… to them it feels like it’s all their live are nowadays. After a moment, Jessica stares at Alex who sighs for the fifth time.

“ _What?”_ Alex asks when he notices her staring.

“ _Aren’t you going to tell me what happened with Charlie?”_

“ _I wasn’t planning on it.”_

“ _Did you tell him about the confession?”_

“ _No and it’s actually the problem.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _He asked me to come over to his house tonight and I said no because the two of us had something planned. He didn’t like that.”_

“ _The two of us spending time together?”_

“ _I don’t know. Maybe. I think he doesn't understand why I choose you over him.”_

“ _I can’t blame him.”_

“ _Wait. You’re going to me mad at me now to?”_

“ _No. It’s not like that. It’s just… Alex we used to date. We’re now both happy with someone else, but just put yourself in his shoes. I know I would hate Justin ditching me to hang out with his ex-girlfriend. Wait…”_

She shoves him in the arm.

“ _What the hell?”_ Alex defends himself.

“ _You know what it’s like too. You remember how pleased you were when you found out I was spending time with Justin again?”_

“ _Yeah, so it seems to me you’re the one causing problems for me and I’m the one getting hit.”_ He playfully responds.

Jessica rolls her eyes at him.

“ _Do you think he’s jealous? He knows there’s nothing between us right?”_

“ _I honestly didn’t even think of that. I just thought he was disappointed I was ditching him or aware I was lying to him.”_

“ _Now you think it might be it?”_

“ _I don’t know. Maybe all of the above.”_ Alex says, a little lost.

“ _And I arrive in the middle of the discussion and ask him for a favor. I’m really good at causing trouble.”_ Jessica comments, feeling guilty.

“ _Jess, it’s not what I meant and you know Charlie loves Justin. He’s happy to do it.”_

Jessica nods, thinking about her next words for a moment.

“ _Do you think they’re too good for us?”_ She asks.

“ _They are. Well… Charlie is. Justin...”_

Jessica shoots him a sharp look and is ready to kick his arm again.

“ _Please don’t hurt me, I’m kidding.”_ He tells her with a chuckle.

“ _Sort of.”_ He adds, still not the biggest fan of the boy.

Jessica rolls her eyes again.

“ _I have to stop creating problems. Go find Charlie. I can work on this by myself.”_ She encourages her best-friend.

“ _How about we both take a night off?”_ He offers her.

“ _Charlie suggested that you should hang out with your boyfriend and me with mine. Maybe he’s right. We still have weeks to figure this out.”_ He adds while he gets up.

Jessica doesn’t move.

“ _Why don’t you? Hang out with Justin? Since you’re so determined to make sure he’s taking care off?”_

“ _We’ve been working on this.”_ Jessica points at the books.

Alex stares at her, not convinced by her lie.

“ _I just want to make sure people are really paying attention and looking after him.”_

“ _Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be one of those people.”_

“ _It does. In a few weeks, what happens if I end up in jail? I need to know he’s going to do fine without me. Great even.”_

Alex sighs and sits beside her.

“ _That’s the reason you shouldn't waste nights after nights with this when you could be with him. We’re not lawyers. There’s not much we can do. We’re just doing this because we need something to do.”_

“ _Aren’t you the one who got into a fight with your boyfriend because you chose to do this rather than to do him?”_ Jessica playfully asks.

Alex is now the one rolling his eyes.

“ _I am. Crazy how we’re both able to deal with each others problem rather than our owns.”_ Alex points out.

“ _I guess we’re going to the Jensen’s.”_ Jessica says as she stands up.

Alex looks at her, confused.

“ _We?”_

“ _Charlie is still there. Don’t worry, you don’t have to pretend to care about Justin.”_

Alex can see that Jess is kinda annoyed at this, but he’s so used to criticizing him, that he never took a moment to be honest about it.

“ _I do care.”_

“ _You don’t have to say that.”_

“ _I do. Not because I love him, I don’t really, but because I love you and I know how much you love him. So yes, I care about Justin. Besides, I wanted to talk to him about something for a while so maybe tonight’s the night.”_

“ _Am I going to regret this?”_ She asks with a smile, happy, but a little anxious too.

“ _Time will tell.”_ He teases her.


	143. Through The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Alexi Murdoch – Through The Dark

_Thursday_

Clay, Justin and Charlie are playing a board-game in the outhouse when Jessica and Alex joins them.

“ _We’re not adding two players now that we’re finally ready to play.”_ Clay comments, a little irritated.

“ _What are you guys playing?”_ Jessica asks with a laugh caused by Clay’s uptight nature.

“ _Clues, and I’d like to say it again, I know the rules. Justin is the one who didn’t get it.”_ Charlie answers.

“ _I’m sorry. I never played before.”_ Justin apologizes.

Jessica walks up to him and drops a kiss on his lips.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ Justin asks her.

Charlie looks at Alex, clearly waiting for an explanation as well.

“ _We missed our boyfriends.”_ Alex says as he approaches Charlie with a shy smile.

“ _Is the offer still up?”_ Jessica asks Justin.

“ _Always_.” He answers with a smile, happy she finally changed her mind about staying with him. 

“ _So I guess we’re not playing anymore?”_ Clay asks, a little confused.

“ _Sorry Clay, but apparently Charlie’s dad is away on a business trip so it would be pretty dumb to pass the opportunity.”_ Alex replies to him as he looks at his boyfriend.

“ _I’m glad to hear that, but I feel like we should at least play one game after the trouble it was to set it up.”_ Charlie says, wanting to stay a little bit more with his friends.

“ _Okay. Don’t worry Clay. I don’t want to play. Murder mysteries is not really my idea of entertainment anymore.”_ Alex sarcastically says.

“ _Do you want to play?”_ Clay asks Jessica.

“ _Are you going to go all Clay-cray on me if I want to?”_ She asks with a smile.

“ _I don’t want you to get mad at me if I ask for the rules again so Jessica can just take my place.”_ Justin offers as he gets up and invites her to sit.

He walks to the fridge and grabs a soda. He turns around to offer one to Alex without a word. He gestures he doesn’t want one.

“ _Can I talk to you actually?”_ Alex asks instead.

“ _With a little more privacy?”_ He adds, looking at their friends deep into the game already.

“ _We can go outside.”_ Justin nods towards the door, a little concerned.

Jessica looks up at them and offers Justin a smile as they both walk out of the room.

“ _Is this about Jess?”_ Justin asks, afraid there’s another secret bound to be revealed.

“ _No. Not really.”_

They sit down on the patio furniture Matt and Lainie decided to put outside the outhouse as soon as spring started.

“ _How are you feeling?”_ Alex asks.

“ _Fine I guess, considering everything.”_

Alex nods, but doesn’t speak, which frustrates Justin. After a minute of silence, he finally does.

“ _I’m very sorry.”_ He lets out.

“ _About?”_ Justin asks, not sure why Alex is apologizing to him.

“ _A lot.”_ Alex chuckles, a little nervous.

“ _I’ve got time.”_ Justin says in a sigh.

“ _First of all, I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I was just jealous. Jealous about how popular you were, jealous about how confident you always were and about how much Jessica loved you.”_

“ _Thank you. I have to say I’ve been jealous of you in the past too.”_

“ _Really? What did I have that you didn’t? My fucking cane?”_ Alex jokes.

“ _It was mostly about Jess too. You two have always been very close and it took me a while to get used to it. I’m sorry about all of this. You were in love with her and it wasn’t fair of me to go after her when I knew you two were together.”_

“ _In the end, the three of us ended up with the person we love. It just sucks that it had to be like this.”_

Justin nods and waits for him to continue.

“ _I’m… I’m really sorry about Bryce too. Not only did I kill your best friend, but I dragged your girlfriend in it with me.”_

Justin shrugs, trying to hide how vulnerable he is about the subject.

“ _I should have apologized sooner for this, but for a while it was easier for me to be mad at you because you weren’t there for Jess that night than to face the fact that I was in the wrong without any excuse.”_

“ _You were there. You’ve always been there for her. That’s why I can’t hate you for it. I know how much you helped while I was in Oakland.”_

For the first time in ages, it seems like the two of them could actually become friends. Laughter comes from inside the outhouse. Alex and Justin share a look and a smile.

“ _I’m surprised you refused to play. You love_ _d_ _playing games.”_ Alex comments, remembering a time where they used to be friends.

“ _Video-games. I don’t like board-games.”_ Justin explains.

“ _Why? Are the rules that complicated for you?”_ Alex teases him.

“ _No, it’s just… I didn’t grow-up playing these. Everyone learns the rules with their parents, but I didn’t.”_

“ _I didn’t mean…”_ Alex doesn’t end his sentence, cut off by Justin.

“ _All I got was Bryce really and since it was just the two of us, his parents not wanting to bother spending time with him, we couldn’t really play games like these so it was mostly video-games.”_

“ _Again. I’m sorry. I know how much he meant to you and I understand it, even if I didn’t like him.”_

“ _I’m surprise you do. I don’t even understand it myself.”_

“ _I murdered someone and yet all my friends lined-up for me. I have to think we’re more than just our actions.”_

“ _I hope it’s true because there’s a lot of things I would take back if I could.”_ Justin agrees.

“ _I hear you. I can’t take back what I did, but I can take responsibility for it.”_

Justin nods.

“ _Any advice on how to survive in jail?”_ Alex jokingly asks.

“ _I hope it won’t come to this. For either of you.”_ Justin answers seriously.

“ _Any advice on how I should tell Charlie about our plan since you went trough it with Jess already then?”_

“ _Just be honest.”_

“ _I could have come up with this myself.”_

“ _I know, but… there’s nothing you can say that will stop him for worrying.”_

“ _If you two stay outside any longer, we’re starting another game.”_ Charlie interrupts them.

“ _We’re coming.”_ Alex tells him with a smile.

“ _Actually, can we have just one more minute?”_ Justin asks.

Charlie nods and returns inside. Alex turns to look at Justin, expectantly.

“ _I never thanked you.”_

“ _Thank me?”_ Alex asks, lost.

“ _For saving my life that one time. Thank you.”_

Alex didn’t expected it at all so he takes a few seconds to come up with a response.

“ _Do you remember what you told me that night?”_

Justin shrugs.

“ _That no one would care if you died anyway.”_

Justin looks at the ground, ashamed this feeling was a part of him for so long.

“ _I hope you know it’s not true. The people in here and in there care. A lot.”_ Alex says, pointing at the outhouse and the house.

“ _I do.”_ Justin answers with a little smile.

“ _So you better never fucking do anything that stupid because even if I’m not in love with her, I love Jess and I don’t want you dickhead to break her heart.”_

Justin chuckles.

“ _I didn’t miss you calling me that.”_

Alex chuckles too and they enter the outhouse together. 


	144. You Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Lauren Daigle - You Say

_Thursday_

Charlie and Alex leave. Justin, Jessica and Clay are now alone in the outhouse.

“ _You’re staying for the night?”_ Justin asks his girlfriend, worried she might change her mind.

“ _I am.”_ Jessica answers with a small nod.

“ _Just give me time to gather a few things and I’ll be out of here.”_ Clay informs them.

“ _You don’t have to leave.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _It’s okay.”_ Clay answers.

“ _If you’re not comfortable with us sleeping in the same bed while you’re in the room, I can sleep on the couch.”_ Jessica offers.

Justin and Clay look at her like she said something stupid.

“ _It’s not about the sleeping arrangements. You two haven’t spend time alone since Justin got out of the hospital. You probably should.”_ Clay explains with a smile, trying to show how little this bothers him to sleep in his old bedroom.

“ _Thank you.”_ Jessica returns his smile.

Clay grabs his pillow and walks towards the door, his backpack on his shoulder.

“ _Just one more thing.”_ He stops and turns to look at them.

“ _My bed is off limits.”_ He teases them.

Justin throws his pillow at him, but Clay catches it and throws it back at him.

“ _Goodnight.”_ He adds, before exiting.

* * *

“ _So this is your bedroom.”_ Alex comments as he walks around Charlie’s bedroom.

“ _You haven’t been here before?”_ Charlie asks, a little surprised.

“ _No. We hang out at your place, but never in your bedroom.”_

Alex stops to look outside through the window and Charlie looks at him, sensing something is definitely off with him.

“ _What did you and Justin talk about?”_

Alex shrugs, but doesn’t responds.

Charlie sits on his bed and keeps his stare on his boyfriend, wondering what the hell is going on.

“ _In a few weeks, Jessica and I are going to the police to confess for Bryce’s murder.”_ Alex informs him blantly in a cold voice, still not looking at him.The latter is now quiet as well.Alex finally turns to look at him after one full minute of silence, but Charlie is now looking down at the ground so Alex takes a few steps and sits beside him.

“ _That’s why I was spending a lot of time with Jessica lately. The only reason why.”_

“ _Are you sure about this?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _We both are. We want to do the right thing.”_

“ _Why can’t you do that now? Why a few weeks?”_

“ _It’s pretty selfish, but we want to graduate before we do this.”_

“ _You’re about to turn yourselves in for murder. I wouldn’t call this selfish.”_

“ _What would you call it?”_

“ _Brave. Scary. Probably crazy. But also the right thing to do.”_

Alex smiles, happy Charlie understands.

“ _What does it mean for us?”_

“ _The two of us?”_

“ _All of us, but, yeah, us too.”_

“ _We won’t say anything that might put you or anyone else in trouble. Our plan is to say we lied to everyone. That everything each one of you said to the cops was true.”_

“ _They questioned me about Monty. I said he wasn’t with me.”_

“ _And he wasn’t. You didn’t lie about that.”_

“ _And the tape? I was the one who put it in his locker.”_

“ _That’s the only thing we still have to figure out. Obviously we won’t tell it was you. We have to decide which one of us is going to take the blame for this.”_

“ _You’ve really thought about this.”_

“ _We have. We can’t risk any of you getting in trouble for this. That’s why it is taking us a lot of time to come up with a plan.”_

“ _You haven’t answered about the two of us.”_ Charlie says in a sad tone, worried he knows the answer already.

“ _What do you think should happen?”_ Alex asks as he looks straight in his eyes, trying to figure out how he feels.

A smile forms on Charlie’s lips and he moves his face closer to Alex until their lips touch.

“ _I like this answer a lot, but it’s not really a clear one.”_ Alex comments when the kiss ends.

“ _I’m happy with you. I don’t want this to change.”_

“ _I am too, but they will.”_

“ _They don’t have too.”_

“ _Next year, whether or not I end up in prison, you’ll still be at Liberty. What do you think people are going to say about you when they find out I’m a murderer?”_

“ _Probably a lot, but it’s Liberty. People always have a lot to say about everyone.”_

Alex sighs, not convinced this is nothing out of the ordinary.

“ _Do you want to break-up with me?”_ Charlie asks directly because he won’t do it and if Alex is not the one saying it, they’ll stay together. Alex looks down. He doesn’t want to, but he thinks it’s better for him.

“ _We still have a few weeks before graduation, a few weeks before anyone finds out.”_ Charlie explains.

Alex stays silent.

“ _I think I get it.”_ Charlie says which causes Alex to look up at him.

“ _Get what?”_ He asks.

“ _Why you’re doing this. At first you tried to push me away because you thought you weren’t good enough for me, then you avoided telling your parents about us and now this. You’re trying to sabotage this relationship.”_

“ _I’m not.”_ Alex shakes his head.

“ _Okay. Good. Then we’re together and we’ll stay together. I know it’s not easy and I know it’s probably going to get worse soon, but I’ll stay by your side through it.”_

“ _Why?”_ Alex doesn’t get it.

“ _Because I know you’re worth it. You’re a great person Alex.”_

Alex’s cheeks turn a little red. He doesn’t understand why Charlie keeps telling him that, more so why he thinks so. He becomes shy all of the sudden, lies down on the bed and hides his face with his hands.

“ _You need to stop saying that.”_

“ _Why should I? It’s the truth.”_

Charlie lies down next to him.

“ _The fact that you’re going to confess actually proves my point.”_

Alex turns to his side to look at him.

Charlie does the same and caresses his boyfriend’s face.

“ _I’m really proud of you for doing this and I consider myself lucky to have you as a boyfriend.”_ He adds.

Alex kisses Charlie and brings his hand on his face. In a matter of seconds, Charlie is lying on top of Alex and they are now fully making out. After a few minutes, Alex senses things might go further, so he stops him.

“ _I’m sorry. I’m not really ready for that.”_ He explains as he sits down.

“ _It’s okay. We don’t have to.”_ Charlie reassures him after he lies on his back.

“ _You’re experienced and I’m not.”_ Alex comments, feeling a little ashamed.

“ _I wasn't always. We all go through this.”_

“ _You don’t mind waiting?”_

“ _Can I still kiss you?”_ Charlie asks with an innocent smile.

“ _It’s highly recommended.”_ Alex answers.

Charlie chuckles and that makes Alex’s heart beat faster. He’s the one who lies on top of Charlie now and kisses him with passion. 


	145. Slow Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The National – Slow Show

_Thursday_

“ _Why did you finally come to your senses and agreed to spend the night here?”_ Justin asks Jessica as he sits besides her on his bed.

“ _Believe it or not, Alex convinced me.”_

“ _I’m glad he did.”_

“ _What did you two talk about?”_

“ _A lot.”_

“ _You’re seriously not going to tell me?”_

“ _That depends. Are you going to tell me everything?”_

Jessica looks at him, confused.

“ _I noticed you’ve been avoiding me and I know I still don’t know everything.”_

“ _I’m not avoiding you.”_

“ _Why did it take Alex convincing you for you to agree to be here then?”_

Jessica sighs, it’s time to be honest.

“ _I’m afraid of what is going to happen to you if I end up in jail. I wanted to make sure people would be there for you. I wanted to know you could do this without me.”_

“ _I won’t.”_

Jessica questions him with her eyes.

“ _Even if you end up in jail, that doesn’t mean I’ll do this without you. We’ll keep doing this together, even if we’re not… together.”_

Jessica nods, sadden by the possibility of them being apart.

“ _Is this still what you want? Doing this together? All of it?”_ She asks.

“ _Of course it is. I’m not going to give up on you just like you never gave up on me. But if we’re going to do this, I need to know the truth. Everything.”_

“ _Okay. What do you want to know?”_

“ _I know you gave money to Amber.”_

Jessica gets up, the guilt coming back to taunt her. Justin is going to hate her for this. She played a role in his mother’s death.

“ _I shouldn’t have done this. I thought I was helping. It was incredibly dumb of me to give so much money to an addict without thinking she might use it to buy.”_ Jessica explains as she paces around, a little frantic.

“ _Jess.”_ Justin tries to stop her rambling.

“ _I should have payed more attention, kept in contact with her, called her… She would still be alive if it wasn’t for me.”_

She stops and turns to look at him.

“ _I’m so sorry. You…”_

She stops and looks at the ground.

“ _I killed the two people you grew up with. The two people you considered family.”_ She says in a low voice.

Justin gets up, walks up to her.

“ _I took your family away from you._ _A part of you must hate me for it.”_ She adds in a whisper.

Justin places his hand on her face to force her to look up at him.

“ _You didn’t kill any of them.”_ He says while looking straight in her eyes.

“ _Stop.”_ She tells him.

Justin looks confused.

“ _Stop acting like this isn’t a big deal. Like it’s okay if I played a role in both of their deaths. Like I didn’t do anything wrong.”_

“ _What do you want me to say?”_ He asks in a shrug, lost.

“ _I want you to be honest with me! I want you to yell at me! I want you to be mad at me! I want you to stop pretending you’re fine with this!”_ She yells at him with eyes full of tears.

“ _Jess.”_ He tries to take her hand to calm her down.

“ _No!”_ She pushes his hand away and takes a step back.

“ _I saw you cry for both of them. I saw how hurt you were. Why don’t you hate me when I’m one of the reasons they’re dead? Why don’t you hate me when it’s all I deserve?”_ She asks while tears fall down her cheeks.

“ _You wanna know why?”_ Justin asks, his voice raising with anger, not at her, but at the guilt she feels and the unfairness of all this.

“ _Because you didn’t kill them. The choices they made got them killed. Both of them. And if it wasn’t for you, no, they wouldn’t still be alive. Bryce would have pissed off someone else or destroyed someone’s else life and sooner or later, it would have got him killed.”_

Jessica doesn’t seem convinced, she keeps shaking her head.

“ _Why did you gave the money to my mother?”_

She doesn’t respond.

“ _Why did you?”_ He asks again, a little louder.

“ _I thought I was helping her. I wanted her to pay her bills, find a job and get some help. She told me she didn’t have the money, so I offered her some.”_

“ _Do you know how many times I tried that in the past? Not giving her money, but tried to help her? Tried to force her to go get help? It lead nowhere, because she didn’t want help. All she ever wanted was drugs and she would have find a way to get some with or without the money you gave her. Her addiction killed her. You offered help and she didn’t take it. She’s the only person responsible for her death.”_

“ _Why do I feel so guilty then?”_

“ _Because you’re a good person.”_

Jessica scoffs. She won’t buy this lie.

“ _You were wrong by the way.”_ He says with a small smile.

Jessica looks at him and waits for his explanation.

“ _You didn’t take my family away from me.”_

He gets closer to her.

“ _You gave me one and I’m not just talking about the baby.”_ He says as he takes her hand.

“ _If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have Matt, Lainie and Clay either. I wouldn’t have any family because honestly, Amber and Bryce weren’t family. They never took care of me. Not like you do.”_

Jessica looks in his eyes.

“ _I’m not that dumb. Do you really think I would have bought Zach coming over here twice in a week, Clay being this happy to play video-games with both of us, or Charlie coming over to play board-games with me on a school-night?”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _I wanted them to distract you.”_ She explains.

“ _You’re the only distraction I need.”_ He informs her before dropping a kiss on her lips.

“ _How long do we have before I can’t be anymore?”_ Jessica says in a defeated tone.

“ _I’ll have you as long as I can.”_ He tells her with a charming smile.

Jessica takes a step back and Justin is quite thrown off by it. 


	146. No One's Gonna Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : No One's Gonna Love You – Band of Horses

_Thursday_

“ _How long do we have before I can’t be anymore?”_ Jessica says in a defeated tone.

“ _I’ll have you as long as I can.”_ He tells her with a charming smile.

Jessica takes a step back and Justin is quite thrown off by it.

“ _Was that too cheesy for you?”_ He asks jokingly.

“ _No.”_ Jessica answers with a smile.

“ _But this is not fair because I’m really horny right now and your stupid smile and charming words are not helping.”_ She explains as she sits back on his bed.

“ _How can you be horny after this?”_ He asks her with a chuckle as he sits besides her.

“ _I don’t even know. My feelings are all over the place. I guess it happens when you’re pregnant.”_ She says in a sigh as she lies down on his bed.

“ _And it’s freaking tiring.”_

Justin lies down next to her and drops a kiss on her temple.

“ _You know what I realized earlier?”_

Jessica turns her head to look at him, expectantly.

“ _I never played Clues before. Clay and Charlie had to teach me how to play because my childhood was so fucking terrible I never played any board-games.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _It wasn't supposed to be funny.”_

“ _You don’t remember?”_

He looks at her, confused.

“ _The summer we got together you came over to my house one afternoon when my parents were gone and I was baby-sitting my brothers.”_ Jessica remembers, a smile on her face. Things were so easy for them back then.

“ _We played board-games, including Clues. My brothers and I teach you how to play that day too. To be fair, you were completely stone so I understand how you could have forgot about about it.”_

They both laugh and Justin rests his head on Jessica’s shoulder.

“ _See. You already were my family more than anyone else right from the start.”_

Jessica looks at him with eyes full of love and kisses him with tenderness.

“ _Are you worried about tomorrow?”_ He asks her, remembering the doctor’s appointment.

“ _I’m always worried when I go to these. Things always tend to go the worst way possible when it comes to us.”_

“ _So far it hasn’t.”_ He reassures her.

“ _Have you told your parents? Are they okay with you driving there with me?”_

“ _They weren’t exactly excited about me leaving the house for hours, but they agreed. They know how important it is for me and it would be pretty hypocritical of them to refuse me this when they allow me to leave the house tomorrow morning.”_

“ _To do what?”_

“ _I’m going to therapy.”_

Jessica turns her whole body to face him, a huge smile on her face.

“ _I’m guessing you’re also responsible for this?”_ He teases her.

“ _It was a team effort. What can I say? Your brother and I just love your lame ass too much.”_

This makes Justin laugh.

“ _Not as much as I love yours.”_ Justin playfully responds, bringing his hand on her hips and slowly moving it to her butt as he gets closer to her face with the intent of kissing her.

Jessica puts her hand on his face and playfully pushes him away.

“ _Easy tiger. Still not a good idea.”_ She reminds him.

He chuckles and brings her against his chest.

“ _I know. Not for a few weeks at least.”_ He says seriously.

“ _How many weeks exactly?”_ Jessica asks, pouting, like a child that has been denied candy.

Justin chuckles, but doesn’t respond.

“ _Seriously though, forget about my hornyness. How long before it’s safe for us to have sex again?”_

“ _You tested negative and… you’re on prep now right?”_

Jessica nods. She began treatment as soon as she found out her results were negative.

“ _So theoretically we could have sex right away and even if you weren’t, we still could as long as we use condoms.”_

“ _You know I’m okay with waiting, but why do you want to?”_

“ _Because I don’t want to take any risk, even if they’re minimal and…”_

He feels a little vulnerable for a second, but Jessica’s eyes on him reassure him enough to continue.

“ _For once I’m in a relationship that doesn’t center around sex. It’s so much more and I want to enjoy this for now. Everything I didn’t have when sex was an option.”_

“ _That’s kind of beautiful.”_ Jessica comments before resting her head on his chest.

“ _It is.”_ Justin responds, dropping a kiss on the back of her head.

“ _I didn’t bring anything.”_

“ _What?”_ Justin asks, confused.

“ _To sleep in. I might just end up naked in your bed anyway.”_ She jokes.

Justin gets up, searches for something in his drawer and throws it at her.

“ _Put this on.”_ He tells her with a smile.

She takes the piece of clothing from the bed and looks at it.

“ _I don’t want you to get cold.”_ He teases her as he searches for something comfortable to put on himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a second chapter today because I felt bad cutting it there.   
> Any guess on the gender of their baby?   
> Is everyone going to find out about Alex and Jessica's plan now that Charlie, Clay and Justin know?  
> What is going to happen next with Winston and Diego?   
> Someone from their past is coming back in a few chapters...   
> Hope you still enjoy reading this story!  
> Comments are always appreciated ;)


	147. Untold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Untold – Pete Francis

_Friday_

“ _You seem happy.”_ Jessica comments when Alex joins her in the halls of Liberty the next day.

“ _I am.”_ He responds with a huge smile.

“ _Is Charlie as skilled with his hands than I’ve heard?”_ Jessica asks jokingly.

Alex rolls his eyes.

“ _I don’t know. We haven’t… yet. I’m sure you had fun last night.”_

“ _Not exactly, but it was nice. It was a good idea to do something else for a night.”_

“ _Do you have a minute to talk about this?”_

“ _About last night?”_ She’s confused.

“ _Gordon Lightfoot._ ”

She understands immediately, looks around and gives him a nod inviting him to follow her.

* * *

“ _We should be able to talk here.”_ She tells him when they arrive in the HO meeting place.

“ _What’s wrong?”_

“ _Nothing. Why do you always assume something’s wrong?”_

“ _When has this ever been used for a good thing?”_

“ _For once it is. Kind of. I told Charlie last night.”_

“ _Oh. How did he take it?”_

“ _Pretty well. This means our parents are next.”_

“ _No. I can’t tell my parents for now. If I do, they’ll want me confess immediately.”_

“ _So we just wait for now?”_

“ _We should tell the others. They all know the truth and now that a few of them knows, it would be fair to tell the rest about the plan.”_

“ _When?”_

“ _This afternoon, after my appointment. We can meet at Monet’s.”_

“ _Are you excited about this?”_

“ _Telling our friends we’re going to confess a murder? Not really.”_

“ _No. Knowing the gender of your baby.”_

Jessica shrugs. Sadly, it’s not her main focus right now.

“ _What do you wish for?”_

“ _As long as it has two arms, two legs and a functioning brain I’ll be happy.”_

“ _You realize you’re talking about your baby?”_

Jessica sighs.

“ _Honestly, I’m scared something bad is going to happen. I don’t want to think about the gender, because I’m still not sure this is going to happen for us.”_

Alex sits down next to her, seeing how worry she actually is.

“ _Have a baby?”_

“ _Have a healthy and living baby. I don’t know. I just don’t want to get my hopes up in case something goes wrong.”_

“ _Have you talked to Justin about this?”_

“ _No, because I don’t want to tell him why things could go wrong. Because of me.”_

“ _Jess, I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. You didn’t do anything wrong.”_

“ _I did. I got drunk and not just once. Twice. I told my doctor about it and she wasn’t really reassuring.”_

“ _I’m sure Justin won’t get mad at you for this. You need to tell him.”_

Jessica nods, knowing Alex is right about this.

“ _He deserves to know. It’s his baby too.”_ Alex adds.

“ _I know. I get it.”_

A smile comes to Jessica’s face and she looks at her best-friend.

“ _What?”_ Alex is confused about it.

“ _Since when do you stand up for him?”_

Alex sighs.

“ _I’m not standing up for him, but we talked last night and I think it was time we buried the hatchet.”_

“ _What did you talk about exactly? Because Justin didn’t tell me.”_

“ _I apologized, so did he and he even thanked me, which I didn’t see coming. Especially after all this time.”_

“ _Thanked you?”_

“ _Yeah, for the time I saved his life.”_

“ _When did you save his life?”_ She asks with scoff.The only thing she ever saw those two do was fight.

“ _You don’t know?”_ Alex realizes he shouldn’t have said anything about it, but Jess is his best-friend and his loyalty to her is stronger than his loyalty to him so when Jessica looks at him expectantly, he explains.

“ _It was the day Clay released the tapes. I went to see him, but he wasn’t there. When I entered his bedroom, Justin was lying on the bed.”_

He remembers how scary this was and he doesn’t want to go into details. Jessica doesn’t need this right now.

“ _He was unconscious and probably pretty close to OD. I took care of him until Clay came home.”_

“ _I had no idea. Wait. You knew he was using all this time?”_

“ _You two weren’t together at this point and it wasn’t really mine to share.”_

“ _I know, I’m sorry. I just hate the fact that I didn't how much he was suffering back then.”_

“ _Now you’re doing the same thing to him. You have to tell him how worry you are.”_


	148. You are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The daylights - You are

_Friday_

Jessica leaves school in the afternoon to join Justin at home. When she arrives, he’s already standing in front of the house. She stops the car and waits for him to enter it. Instead of opening the passenger’s door, Justin walks around to the driver’s side.

“ _I’ll drive.”_ He tells her with a smile through the opened window.

Jessica doesn’t argue and exits the car to let him take her place behind the wheel.

“ _How was therapy?”_ She asks as he drives off.

He looks at her, pondering how much he should say.

“ _Good_.”

Jessica nods. She understands it’s something he doesn’t have to share as long as it is helping.

“ _It was a little awkward at first, but Clay’s right, Dr. Ellmann is pretty good.”_

“ _That’s great.”_

“ _Do you know Clay and Zach placed bets?”_

“ _What?”_ She asks with a laugh.

“ _Zach thinks it’s going to be a boy and Clay voted for a girl.”_

Jessica can see how happy he is about it, excited even.

“ _What do you think?”_

“ _I have no idea.”_

“ _What would you prefer?”_

Justin shrugs.

“ _I would be happy either way.”_

He’s not really honest about this. He knows it would be easier for him to have a boy. He saw what girls went through with guys like Bryce, hell, even like him, and he would hate the fact that his own daughter could go through anything like this. It seems easier to raise a boy, but like Lainie said, not all boys are that easy to raise. When he thinks about everything he went through or Clay or Tyler or Alex, maybe gender doesn’t really matter as much as circumstances. That’s something he actually discussed in therapy this morning. Since it was his first session, Dr. Ellmann decided to talk about something other than the many traumas he went through.

“ _What about you? Aren’t mothers supposed to like… sense it or something?”_

Jessica looks at him and how happy he seems. His excitement is rubbing off on her and she thinks that maybe she doesn’t have to tell him about her fears.

“ _I don’t know. I read online that if you’re more attracted to salty snacks it’s going to be a boy and sweets means girl.”_

“ _So based on the huge amount of fries you ate at Rosie’s...”_

She shoves him in the arm before he has a chance to finish his sentence.

“ _To be fair you also ate all of my brownies so...”_ He says in a chuckle which makes her giggle.

“ _So I guess it’s going to be a surprise.”_

“ _On our way home, we’ll have to make a stop at Monet’s.”_ She informs him, suddenly pretty serious.

“ _Why?”_

“ _Alex and I set up a meeting. We’re telling everyone about our plan.”_

“ _Do I have to come?”_

Jessica is a little bit surprised by this.

“ _Not if you don’t want to. I can drop you off at home first.”_

Justin sees she’s a little disappointed by it, so he decides to explain.

“ _I just don’t want to go to Monet’s. Last time I was there I got fired.”_

Jessica realizes she completely forgot about this with everything else going on.

“ _Does it mean you’ll never go back there again?”_

“ _Not if I can avoid it.”_

“ _That sucks.”_

“ _Is this such a big deal?”_ He doesn’t understand why it upsets her that much.

“ _I love this place. We all went through a lot there, but somehow it always stayed a safe place for me. I know you love this place too.”_

“ _I love the back-room.”_ He teases her, remembering that one time she arrived out of nowhere and they ended up sleeping together in that room.

“ _Oh my god, stop.”_ She laughs, her cheeks turning a little red.

“ _This is the place Clay asked you if you’d like to be adopted. Your whole life changed in that place.”_

“ _I do love Monet’s, but I’m ashamed to show my face there.”_

“ _Well, I want to keep drinking hot chocolates there, sitting on this comfy couch by your side so I think you should talk to the manager and apologize.”_

“ _I stole money, I don’t think an apology is going to cut it.”_

“ _You’ll never know if you don’t try.”_

Justin nods, thinking about it.

“ _I don’t want to force you to do this, I just don’t want you to avoid something that could make you happy because you’re ashamed.”_

Justin doesn’t respond, still thinking about it.

“ _I don’t want you to feel this anymore. Shame. You’ve got nothing to feel ashamed about. You’re too amazing for this.”_

Justin rolls his eyes.

“ _Compliments only work if they’re true.”_

She gets closer and drops a kiss on his cheek.

“ _It’s my truth. You’re amazing Justin Foley.”_


	149. Flying High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Jem – Flying High

_Friday_

Jessica takes Justin’s hand in hers a soon as they enter the building. None of them missed being in a hospital. They arrived a little early and are now forced to sit in the waiting room. Time seems to move slower for Jessica.

“ _I hate this.”_ She let’s out.

“ _Waiting?”_

“ _Yeah, especially in places designed purely for that purpose.”_

Justin notices how anxiously she’s tipping her fingers on her leg.

“ _You’re not waiting alone this time.”_

Jessica smiles at the comment. She shouldn’t be this anxious. All she wanted was Justin by her side and he is so she relaxes and lays her head on his shoulder.

* * *

“ _It’s nice to see you again Jessica. How are you feeling?”_ Her doctor asks while they enter the room.

“ _I’m… a little tired, but I’m doing fine.”_

Justin and Jessica sit on the chairs.

“ _I see you’re not alone this time.”_ The doctor points out with a smile.

“ _He’s… the father.”_

It feels weird to say it.

“ _Justin_.” He introduces himself.

“ _Nice to meet you Justin. Have you decided if you wanted to know the gender today?”_

“ _Yes. We want to know.”_

“ _Then follow me. We can discuss the rest after the examination.”_

The doctor gets up and invites them to follow her. Jessica does, but Justin is a little unsure about it. He never came here before and he has no idea how this works. Jessica turns around and gives him a reassuring smile, indicating it’s okay for him to join as well.

“ _Lie down on the table and bring your shirt up please.”_ The doctor instructs.

Justin stays a little bit on the side. He’s surprised at how comfortable Jessica is, like she’s done it before. Well, she has, but he wasn’t there with her. He feels bad about it. It’s not fair she was alone to do this.

“ _Have you seen the sonogram?”_ The doctor asks him, trying to include him in this.

“ _I did yes.”_

“ _You’ll see it’s really different in person. A picture cannot include sound.”_ She informs the both of them.

“ _Does this mean we can hear it?”_ Jessica asks, not remembering this from the last time.

“ _You can. Last time things were a little different… considering the circumstances around the appointment.”_

Jessica remembers the last time she was here she had an abortion planned.

“ _This time we should be able to listen to the heart-beat.”_ The doctor adds, placing some gel on Jessica’s belly.

Justin gets closer to Jessica and places his hand on her shoulder, wanting her to forget she was alone the last time she did this.

It doesn’t take long until a heat-beat is heard by the three of them.

“ _Strong heart-beat. This is good.”_ The doctor comments.

Jessica turns her head to look at Justin. He is focused on the screen, trying to make sense of what he’s looking at, a smile on his face. His smile is so mesmerizing she’s not paying attention to the screen herself.

“ _And… there it is. It seems you two are having a little girl.”_

Jessica is suddenly brought back to reality. She turns her head to the screen in a second.

Justin lets out a chocked-up chuckle.

“ _We’re having a girl.”_ Justin repeats with a trembling voice, trying to process it.

Jessica turns to look at Justin again, his smile even bigger than before if it’s even possible. She would love to be as happy as he is, but she’s still worried.

“ _Is she okay? Is everything okay?”_ She asks to the doctor.

“ _She’s okay. So far everything seems to be okay.”_ Her doctor reassures her, wiping off the gel from her belly.

“ _Our little girl.”_ Jessica says in a moved voice as she places her hand on her belly before she looks up at Justin.

He places his hand on top of hers and they exchange a sweet kiss.

* * *

“ _You know why you should come to Monet’s with me?”_ Jessica asks him as they walk to her car hand in hand.

“ _I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”_

“ _Because I’m pretty sure we could get Clay to pay a round with the money he won by betting on our daughter.”_ She jokes.

“ _You’re going to tell them?”_

“ _Not if you’re not here with me.”_

“ _Don’t you want your parents to know first?”_

“ _Not necessarily. They’re all as much family as my parents are, but we can tell Clay and your parents first if you prefer.”_

“ _No, I agree with you and I’m looking forward to see Zach’s face when he’s gonna know he lost the bet.”_

“ _It’s not like they’re going to let this go anyway. They know we know and they won’t stop asking until we tell them.”_

“ _Then I’ll come with you and we can tell them together.”_

“ _I can ask them to come over to my place. We don’t have to do this at Monet’s.”_

“ _No it’s okay. I don’t see how I could feel ashamed right now.”_

“ _You seem happy.”_ Jessica comments as she stops walking, his smile not having left his face since they left the examination room.

“ _I am happy.”_ Justin tells her when he stops walking too.

This is too rare not to celebrate so Jessica wraps her arms around his neck.

“ _Then I’m really happy.”_ She tells him, looking straight into his beautiful eyes before she brings her lips on his. The kiss deepens, Justin wraps his arms around her as well, lifts her from the ground and both of them swivel and laugh. 


	150. Pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Pride – Syntax

_Friday_

When Jessica and Justin enter Monet’s, both of them have huge smiles on their face. Justin’s fades pretty quickly when he notices their friends are not here yet. Jessica tugs on his hand to force him to look at her.

“ _You have two options. Sit in the corner while I order us something or do it yourself and use this opportunity to apologize.”_

“ _I’m not hiding.”_ He informs her as he begins to walk towards the counter.

Jessica follows him with her eyes as she sits at the largest table in the coffee-shop, knowing their friends are probably on their way already.

* * *

“ _What do you want?”_ The owner coldly asks Justin when he sees him.

“ _To apologize. I shouldn’t have stolen from you after you gave me the opportunity to work here.”_

“ _I could have called the cops on you.”_

“ _I know and I’m thankful you didn’t.”_

“ _You can thank your parents. They paid back what you owed.”_

“ _I had no idea. I thought I could pay you back myself.”_

“ _How?”_

“ _By working here.”_

The owner scoffs.

“ _For free. I would have worked here for free.”_

The owner looks at him and sees how genuine he is.

“ _I accept your apology, but there’s no way I’m letting you work here again. Your debt is paid, let’s leave it at that okay?”_

“ _Okay. Thank you.”_

Justin doesn’t leave, so the owner stares at him.

“ _What do you need?”_

“ _Can I order something?”_ Justin asks, a little shy.

The owner laughs when he notices Jessica at the table and their friends arriving to join her.

“ _You can order. I feel like I’m going to loose more money than you owed me if I refuse to serve you.”_

Justin laughs at the comment because he’s probably right. The amount of hours each one of them spend here the last few years is ridiculous.

* * *

“ _Two meetings in one week?”_ Tony asks jokingly as he sits down.

“ _It almost looks like we’re actually friends.”_ Alex sarcastically adds.

“ _We are friends.”_ Tyler comments.

“ _How can anyone even doubt that after everything?”_ Charlie asks seriously as he looks at the group.

Clay doesn’t speak up, but he does. He wonders if any of them would be here if it wasn’t related to some drama or problem they’re forced to face together. This is how this group started. They were all reunited by Hannah, forced to face together the mess she left behind with her tapes. This is why they’re probably here right now, forced to face another problem together. If it wasn’t for this, would he be alone? What happens when there’s no problem anymore, if it’s even a possibility? Would they still be friends?

He’s brought back to reality when Justin taps on his shoulder before he sits besides him. He slides a mug on the table towards Jessica and takes a sip from his coffee.

Some of them begin to stand up to order too, but Jessica stops them.

“ _Wait. I think we should tell you something first.”_

They look at her, a little perplexed, but sit back down.

“ _Sorry man, but I think this round should be on you.”_ Justin tells Clay.

“ _Why should I pay for everyone’s drink?”_ Clay is almost offended by it.

“ _Considering you bet on our baby, I feel like you deserve some kind of punishment.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _I wasn’t the only one.”_ Clay defends himself.

“ _Yeah, but...”_ Justin begins, but is interrupted by Zach.

“ _Holly shit. Does this mean I won?”_

The others looks at the four of them, not understanding anything that is happening.

“ _Actually you lost.”_ Justin is happy to be the one telling him.

“ _Maybe that would make more sense for you to pay.”_ Jessica wonders why Clay should pay because in the end he did win the bet.

“ _What the hell are you talking about?”_ Alex stops their conversation, eager to understand why they all look so happy right now. Even Clay is smiling.

“ _Baby Jesstin is a girl.”_ Zach answers, a huge smile on his face, despite having lost the bet.

“ _Don’t call her that.”_ Jessica shoves him in the arm.

Clay looks at his brother and Justin turns to look at him too.

“ _Congratulations_.” He offers him as he extends his arm to give him a side hug.

Everyone congratulates them and Zach gets up.

“ _I don’t even care if I lost. Drinks on me.”_ He informs them as he makes his way towards the counter.

Clay looks around and sees how happy everyone looks right now. Sadly, he knows that’s not the reason Alex asked for a meeting. Of course some drama has to follow.

“ _Any other huge announcement or can we discuss the reason I asked you here?”_ Alex asks.

Clay almost wants to stop him. Why ruin the moment? Why do they have to be reminded of how awful life can be every single moment? Justin notices how uncomfortable his brother is right now. He understands life is full of joy and love, but also filled with drama and hurt. He’s not sure Clay accepted it yet. Everyone stops laughing and the atmosphere is suddenly way more serious.

“ _Jess and I… we’re going to tell the truth.”_

“ _About Bryce?”_ Tyler asks, surprised.

“ _Yeah. We’re going to the cops to confess.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _Why would you do that?”_ Zach asks.

“ _Because it’s the right thing to do.”_ Alex tells him.

“ _It’s what we should have done from the beginning, before implicating any of you.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _I’m glad you realize that.”_ Tony says, not happy about the cover-up since the beginning.

He’s right, but that doesn’t stop Justin and Zach to shoot him a sharp look.

“ _But aren’t we all going to pay because of this?”_ Tony continues.

“ _No one is paying for this except us.”_ Alex reassures him.

“ _We would never do this if it could cause any of you any harm.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _How are we going to do this?”_ Tyler asks, happy to help anyway he can after everything everyone did for him.

“ _You are not doing anything. None of you. We’re currently working on a plan.”_ Jessica refuses any of them to do more than they already did.

“ _Don’t we deserve to know? We’re all part of this now.”_ Tony doesn’t want to risk losing anything.

“ _And we’ll tell you. As soon as our plan is done, you’ll be the firsts to know. That’s why we called this meeting to tell you. We’re aware you deserve to know.”_ Alex is a little bit frustrated by the accusation in Tony’s voice.

“ _I’m sorry. I just thought we were done with this and I’m scared I might loose my scholarship over this.”_ Tony apologizes.

“ _You’re not going to. No one is loosing anything or paying for anything okay?”_ Jessica tries to ease the tension.

“ _Except you.”_ Justin comments, refusing to let her forget what’s at stake for her.

“ _Except for the people who really should pay for this.”_ Sheresponds.

Everyone stays silent for a few minutes, sipping their drinks and letting the information sink in.

“ _Wait. That means you accepted their offer?”_ Clay asks Tony, surprised he didn’t know about this.

“ _I did yeah. Couldn’t refuse this when my dad insisted.”_ Tony explains.

“ _That’s great. Glad someone finally convinced you.”_ Tyler offers him with a smile.

“ _We’re not going to do this until after graduation. In the meantime, we should just enjoy the few weeks left we have at Liberty.”_ Alex informs them.

“ _So that’s it?”_ Clay asks.

Everyone turns to look at him.

“ _After four terrible years at Liberty, this is the last thing we’re gonna have to face before we’re free?”_

“ _Speak for yourself, I’m not free from Liberty yet. I’ll be spending at least one more year in this hell.”_ Zach comments.

“ _You don’t have to take the job if you don’t want too.”_ Justin tells him, a little irritated by his poor-me attitude when all he did was try to help.

“ _Oh trust me, I didn’t have a choice. It was either taking the job or my mom would throw my ass out.”_

“ _Then don’t complain. Things could be worse.”_ Jessica reminds him. Justin was thrown out in the streets and he didn’t have another option.

“ _I know, I’m sorry. I just didn’t think this is what my future would look like.”_ Zach feels guilty for complaining when he’s actually pretty lucky considering how little of an effort he made this past year.

“ _What job are you taking?”_ Tyler asks, lost.

“ _Assistant coach. I’ll be coaching the Liberty High fucking Tigers.”_ He chuckles, thinking about what this team actually means to him.

“ _Thank you for that.”_ Charlie says, a little offended by his comment considering he’ll be there.

“ _Well, maybe this gives you a chance to do better.”_ Jessica says with a hopeful tone.

“ _I don’t see how the next seniors can do worse than us.”_ Alex comments and everyone starts laughing.

“ _We were fucked up.”_ Clay adds, still laughing.

“ _We still are.”_ Zach reminds him.

“ _We have a few weeks to change that.”_ Justin tells them, hoping things can only get better from now on. 


	151. Linger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Cranberries – Linger

_Friday_

Clay, Jessica and Justin enter the Jensen’s home. Lainie and Matt are already waiting for them, seated at the dining table.

“ _The deal was to come home straight from the hospital.”_ Lainie tells Justin.

“ _It’s my fault. I wanted to be the first to know and I bribed them with pastries from Monet’s.”_ Clay lies, offering them an excuse.

“ _And I wasn’t strong enough to say no so Justin didn’t really have a choice but follow me there.”_ Jessica adds, confirming the story.

“I think I can let this one go.” Lainie says with a warm smile. She’s not upset at all, but she figured it wouldn’t hurt to remind them there are still rules to follow.

“ _So? Is our first grandchild a boy or a girl?”_ Matt asks.

Clay and Jessica look at Justin, waiting for him to tell them the news.

“ _It’s a girl.”_ He informs them with a smile.

“ _Not too disappointed?”_ Lainie jokingly asks.

“ _Not at all.”_ He responds honestly.

“ _Well, congratulations to you two.”_ Matt offers.

“ _Thank you. Both of you. For being supportive of this and letting Justin come with me today.”_

“ _You don’t have to thank us. We just want the best for all of you.”_ Matt answers.

“ _Speaking of… I talked with the owner at Monet’s.”_ Justin explains as he sits down.

Clay leaves the room, knowing it’s not something that concerns him and not really interested to be part of a serious conversation like this again. Jessica sees him leave and decides to follow him.

“ _He told me you paid him back.”_ Justin continues.

“ _We did. We’re sorry we didn’t tell you this before, but we figured we should let you take care of your health first.”_ Lainie apologizes.

“ _Thank you for doing this, but I should have been the one paying him back. I think I should at least pay you back for this.”_

“ _There’s no need.”_ Matt reassures him.

“ _Maybe I can find another job.”_

“ _You don’t need a job Justin. Focus on getting better and getting ready for college.”_ Lainie tells him.

“ _Did you make your choice between Occidental and Sanderson?”_ Matt asks.

“ _Not yet. How am I supposed to do this? I feel like maybe getting a job is the smartest thing to do. We’re going to need money.”_

“ _Matt and I, we’ll be here to support you. Don’t worry about the money. Worry about your future.”_

Justin nods, but it doesn’t help him much, not when he has no idea where Jessica is going to end-up.

* * *

“ _Are you okay?”_ Jessica asks Clay when they’re out of the room.

Clay turns around and is surprised to see she followed him.

“ _Fine. Why didn’t you stayed with them?”_

_“He doesn’t need me to face your parents.”_ She answers with a shrug.

They exit the house and reach the outhouse.

“ _What did I miss at school this afternoon?”_ She asks once they’re inside.

“ _A few class.”_ Clay answers sarcastically.

“ _Can I have your notes?”_

Clay opens his backpack and hands her his notebook. They sit at the table and Clay works on his homework while Jessica catches up on the classes she missed. After a few seconds, she looks up at the boy seated at the opposite side of the table.

> _Is Clay really okay?_

* * *

“ _There’s something else we wanted to talk about.”_ Lainie tells Justin in a somber tone.She doesn’t say more, but looks at Matt, hoping he can tell him.

“ _While you were in the hospital, we received something for you.”_ Matt informs him, his tone deprived of its usual cheerfulness.

“ _What?”_ Justin asks, worried.

“ _Your mother’s ashes. Since you didn’t want a funeral, she was incinerated and since you were her only family, those ashes belong to you.”_ Lainie explains, trying to be as careful as she can with her words.

“ _Oh_.” is Justin’s only response. He didn’t expect this and he has no idea what his parents want him to say.

“ _If you change your mind, we can still have a ceremony or...”_ Matt tries, but Justin interrupts him.

“ _I… I don’t know.”_

“ _We just wanted you to know. We don’t have to do anything and you don’t have to make a choice.”_ Lainie explains.

Justin scoffs, which leads to Matt and Lainie to stare at him, waiting for an explanation.

“ _Now you’re stuck with an urn with her ashes in your house.”_ Justin says, almost like this is funny to him.

It is, not the fact she died, but the fact that even now, she found a way to ruin his day. Even now, she’s causing him trouble and reminds him there’s no escaping his past. She’s now somewhere in the house he feels so comfortable and happy in and he can’t escape her.

“ _Justin, honey, we didn’t mean to upset you.”_ Lainie feels guilty for bringing up the subject.

“ _I know and…_ _you’re not. You didn’t do anything wrong.”_ Justin reassures them as he gets up.

“ _Can we talk about this another day?”_ He asks.

Matt and Lainie both nod. They’ll do anything for him, as long as he asks.

“ _She ruined enough moments of my life.”_ Justin let’s out as he begins to walk towards the exit.

* * *

Jessica receives a text from Alex.

> _Alex : Can we go back to work tonight?_

Jessica is confused, she thought he wanted to enjoy his night with Charlie.

> _Jessica : Sure, if you want to. My house?_
> 
> _Alex : Yep. Here in 15?_

Jessica sighs, she hoped she could spend a little more time with Justin, but she can’t refuse Alex anything and he probably has a good reason for wanting to do this.

At this moment, Justin enters the outhouse. He puts on a smile, not wanting this to ruin the day for Jessica as well.

“ _You’re staying for the night again?”_ Justin asks against her ear, as he places his arms around her.

“ _Sorry, I can’t. Alex needs me.”_

She turns around on her chair to face him.

“ _Is this okay?”_

“ _It is, don’t worry.”_

Jessica gets up and begins to gather her things.

* * *

“ _What happened?”_ Jessica asks Alex when she arrives at her house. He’s already waiting in front of her door.

“ _Nothing.”_ He answers as she opens her door.

“ _I’m guessing this has something to do with Charlie?”_ She doesn’t believe him.

Alex sits on her couch with a sigh.

“ _I’m avoiding him.”_ He lets out.

“ _This needs an explanation.”_

“ _I think we’re going to sleep together.”_

“ _And that’s a problem because…?”_

“ _I never slept with a guy. I convinced myself I was straight and I’m clearly not, but all of the sudden it’s like I’m a virgin again.”_

“ _Have you talked to Charlie about this?”_

“ _I did and he says he’s okay to wait.”_

“ _So I really don’t understand why you’re avoiding him.”_

“ _Because I want to. I don’t want to wait. He’s like… making me crazy.”_

“ _You’re scared it’s not going to be great?”_

“ _I’m scared I’m not going to be great.”_

“ _You probably won’t.”_

Alex hits her with a pillow.

“ _Thanks for the vote of confidence. It means a lot, especially coming from my ex.”_

“ _I’m not saying you suck at this. I’m saying everyone sucks the first time. But it doesn’t matter because I know it’s going to be great anyway.”_

“ _How can you be so sure?”_

“ _Because you only need two things to make it great and you have it.”_

“ _What is that?”_

“ _You need to feel comfortable with each other; check. And you need feelings, love, and I believe...”_

“ _Check.”_ Alex finishes her sentence.

“ _Is this the only reason you’ve come here?”_

“ _Of course not, I wanted to hang out with my best friend.”_ Alex jokes.

“ _Are your parents home?”_

“ _My mom is.”_

“ _Ask him to come over at your place. If your mom is here, you’ll have to behave and at least you can spend the night with him, without any pressure.”_

“ _Are you trying to kick me out?”_

“ _I am. If it means I can spend the night with Justin, I am.”_

A disgusted look appears on Alex’s face.

“ _We’re not going to sleep together either. I am really talking about sleeping.”_ Jessica explains as she gets up.

“ _Wait. You’re really kicking me out?”_ He asks when he sees her walking up to her front door.

“ _I am… unless you want to invite Charlie over here.”_ An idea is forming in her head.

“ _I am not sleeping with Charlie in your bed.”_ He answers in a chuckle.

“ _That would definitely be weird.”_ She realizes now that she thought about it.

“ _In that case...”_ She opens her front door, inviting him to leave, but she didn’t expect to find someone standing in front of it about to knock. 


	152. Nightcall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : London Grammar – Nightcall

_Friday_

“ _Oh. Hi.”_ Jessica greets the man as Alex makes his way to the door.

“ _Alex.”_ The man greets him with a smile as he exits the house.

“ _Goodnight Mr.Jensen. Bye Jess._ ” Alex says before he walks to his car.

“ _I hope I’m not bothering you.”_ Matt tells Jessica.

“ _Not at all. Come in.”_

They enter her kitchen and sit at the table.

“ _I’m happy to see you, but why are you here exactly?”_ Jessica asks, a little unsettled by his visit.

“ _I need your help… We need your help.”_

“ _Sure. Anything.”_

“ _It’s about Justin.”_

“ _I figured.”_ Jessica says, a little scared.

“ _You know him better than we do and we don’t know what to do. He has to choose where he’s gonna go to college by Monday and I’m not sure he really thought about it.”_

“ _I’m sure he thought about it.”_

“ _Well, when we asked him today he said he should get a job instead.”_

Jessica sighs. The last thing she wants is for him to pass this opportunity.

“ _He doesn’t need a job. He should go to college.”_ Matt continues.

“ _I agree with you. I think he’s just scared we won’t make it without money.”_

“ _And I completely understand, but money is not a problem. Lainie and I we’ll do everything to help you and I know your parents feel the same way.”_

“ _Justin had to fight is whole life to survive. He’s not used to have such a strong support system and it’s going to take him some time to get used to it.”_ Jessica tries to explain.

“ _The problem is, he only has three days to make up his mind.”_

“ _Sometimes you have to force his hand a little.”_

“ _That’s what we’re avoiding.”_ Matt explains and Jessica understands why it’s not something they want to do, but she also knows Justin won’t accept their help just like that.

“ _I’ll talk to him. I have no problem forcing his hand if it’s for his own good.”_ She jokes.

“ _Thank you.”_ Matt offers before he falls silent.

Jessica can see there’s something else bothering him. It’s crazy how much Clay and him are alike.

“ _Is there anything else I can help with?”_

“ _There is.”_

Matt sighs. He’s not sure if mentioning this means breaking Justin’s trust.

“ _While Justin was in the hospital, we received Amber’s ashes. We talked to Justin about it today, but he didn’t say much.”_

“ _What did you expected him to say?”_ Jessica asks in a shrug.

“ _I don’t know. Anything, but...”_

“ _But he avoided talking about it and left as soon as he could?”_

Matt only response is a smile, happy to see that Jessica knows him that well. She does. The same thing happened after the tapes every time she tried to confront him about it. This is what Justin does when he feels way too much and has no idea how to express it. It’s easier to avoid than to face when you have no idea how you can face it.

“ _What do you think he should do about it?”_ She asks Matt. She may know Justin the best, but Matt probably knows best how to face such a situation since he’s the adult in the room.

“ _The healthiest response after a death is to grieve, but with his condition and the time he spend in the hospital, he didn’t get a chance to.”_

“ _When someone dies, there’s usually a funeral. He didn’t get that either.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _He didn’t want one.”_ Matt says with a shrug, defeated.

“ _He may not have wanted it, but he needs it. He has to say goodbye because he never had a chance to.”_

“ _So you think we should organize a funeral despite his wish?”_ Matt is unsure about it.

“ _He wouldn’t want you to put too much effort into it. It doesn’t have to be a funeral… just a moment to say goodbye and finally let her go.”_

“ _Would you help us put something together?”_

“ _Of course. We could asks our friends to be here.”_

“ _I was thinking of something a little more private.”_

“ _We have to show him we support him and that he’s not alone. Funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living.”_

“ _Well, I’m glad I came over. Thank you Jessica.”_ Matt offers her as he stands up.

“ _You’re welcome. You know, I’ll do anything to help Justin… and same goes for Clay.”_ Jessica follows him towards the front door.

Matt chuckles.

“ _I don’t think that leaves you much room to breathe.”_ He jokes as he stops at the door.

“ _That makes breathing that much more meaningful.”_ She responds with a warm smile.

“ _I’ll talk about all of this with Lainie and I’ll call you to figure out how we’re going to organize this.”_

“ _Okay. Good night Mr.Jensen.”_

He looks at her, a little disappointed.

“ _Goodnight Matt.”_ She corrects herself.

“ _Much better.”_ He responds with a cheerful tone. _“Goodnight to you to Jessica.”_

* * *

Jessica closes the door behind him and realizes she’s alone in her house again. She looks at the time on her phone. It’s too early to try to sneak-in into the outhouse. If she wants to join Justin, she’s gonna have to wait. She decides to take a shower and to put on something more comfortable. After that, she watches TV in the living-room until it’s pretty late in the night. She won’t risk being caught by Matt and Lainie.

* * *

She parks her car in an adjoining street and makes the rest of the road by foot. When she arrives at the door of the outhouse, she knows she won’t have a problem getting in since she knows where to find the key. She slowly opens the door and tip-toes towards Justin’s bed. She stops in the middle of the room to take in the view. Justin is sound asleep in his bed. This is so different than what she saw the last time she sneaked-in after his mother’s death. A sad smile comes to her lips. If only he could be that peaceful every minute of everyday. She turns to look at Clay, sound asleep as well, but he looks a little more disturbed in his sleep. She resumes walking towards the bed, slowly, not wanting to wake up either of them. She takes off her sweater and her sweatpants that she puts on the ground without making any sound. She prays Clay doesn’t wake up now, even though she’s still in her panties and wearing a tank-top, but she can imagine how offended he would be. For a second she wonders how she’s going to climb in bed with Justin without waking him up or scaring him to death. Luckily for her, he’s sleeping on his back and there’s just enough room on his bed between him and the wall for her to try to squeeze in. She carefully moves on the bed until she’s laid down, but of course, the movement of the mattress wakes Justin up.

When Justin opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is Jessica laying besides him, a finger in front of her mouth indicating he should stay quiet.

Justin doesn’t have to say anything for her to understand he’s happy to see her. His smile speaks for him and his gestures. He moves to his side and invites her to lay against him, wrapped in his arms.

“ _You okay?”_ is the only thing Jessica says, in a whispers, so low it’s barely audible.

“ _I am now.”_ Justin whispers back against her ear before he kisses her bare shoulder and tightens his embrace. 


	153. Young Folks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Peter Bjorn And John – Young Folks

_Saturday_

“ _What the fuck?”_ Clay says in a growl, not happy to be woken up by a ringing phone.

He sits on his bed when he notices the movement coming from Justin’s bed.

“ _Shit. Sorry.”_ Jessica apologizes as she runs to grab her phone.

She looks at the brothers, both awake and decides to answer.

> “ _Hi.”_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _I’m at the Jensen’s.”_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _Really?”_
> 
> _\- - -_

Justin looks at her and a smile comes to his face when he figures out what the call is about.

> \- - -
> 
> “ _I’m on my way.”_

Jessica hangs up and looks at Clay, a little guilty she woke him up.

“ _Sorry.”_ She apologizes again.

“ _Why are you here?”_ He asks, rubbing his eyes, still not totally awake.

No explanation is needed, so Jessica ignores him and begins to dress up.

“ _That was my parents.”_ She explains.

“ _They’re already here?”_ Justin asks.

Jessica stops and looks at him.

“ _You knew?”_

“ _They wanted me to convince you to go to Seattle. Instead, I convinced them to come home for the week-end.”_ He explains as Jessica sits at the end of his bed.

“ _Is there any way I can convince the two of you to leave to Seattle for a few days?”_ Clay asks, not in the best mood.

“ _How adorable. I’m pregnant and Clay is the one with mood swings.”_ Jessica teases him.

Clay chuckles at the comment, but decides to throw a pillow at her anyway.

Justin catches it before it reaches Jessica and throws it back at his brother.

“ _Thank you. For that and for my parents.”_ Jessica tells Justin and kisses him.

“ _Shouldn’t you go?”_ Clay asks, irritated.

Jessica gets up and puts on her sweater.

“ _I’m going don’t worry.”_

She takes her phone from Justin’s bed and walks to the door.

“ _I’ll call you later._ ” Justin tells her before she exits the outhouse.

He turns to look at his brother with a judging face.

“ _Can’t you be nice to her?”_ Justin asks.

Clay shakes his head and gets up.

“ _What did she do to you anyway?”_ Justin continues.

Clay turns around to face Justin, but doesn’t say anything.

“ _Is it about me?”_ Justin keeps on going, refusing to let this go.

“ _It’s not. I’m sorry.”_ Clay apologizes.

“ _Then what is it?”_ Justin asks again.

“ _You two are just...”_ Clay begins, but lets his sentence fall flat.

Justin gets up to join him.

“ _What?”_

“ _You’re kinda acting like everything’s great. Are you not afraid about anything? Bryce, the baby, college, Diego, Winston?”_

“ _I am. Jess is probably even more afraid than I am, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop living.”_

Clay nods, but is not convinced.

“ _Dude are you okay?”_ Justin asks, having noticed a little change in his brother’s behavior lately.

“ _Fine.”_ Clay answers before he exits the outhouse.

* * *

Jessica hasn't even closed the door behind her, that two little boys run to her.

“ _Hey_.” She greets her brothers, so happy to see them.

“ _I didn’t know you two would be here.”_ She comments.

“ _Justin suggested we brought them with us this time around.”_ Her father informs her as he gives her a hug.

“ _Why are you so fat?”_ One of her brothers asks.

“ _That is nice.”_ She responds in a chuckle.

“ _We explained this to you Cooper. This is because there is a baby growing inside her belly.”_ Noelle reminds him as she arrives from the kitchen.

“ _Hi mom.”_

“ _Hi Jessica.”_ Her mother brings her into an embrace.

“ _We were surprised not to find you here when we arrived.”_ Her father tells her.

“ _I’m sorry. I know you disapprove of me spending the night with Justin.”_

A smile forms on her father’s face.

“ _I guess we should get used to it.”_

“ _Why don’t you invite him over?”_ Her mom suggests.

“ _I’m sure he has better things to do.”_ Jessica doesn’t want to force Justin to spend time with her parents and she still has to plan Amber’s funeral without him knowing.

“ _He’s the reason we’re here. I’m sure he can survive a meal with us. Tell him to come here to lunch.”_ Her father insists.

“ _Fine.”_ Jessica sighs and takes out her phone to text him.

* * *

“ _Will you stay and play with us this afternoon?”_ Elijah asks Justin during lunch, excited to have another company than his family.

“ _I don’t know if I can. My parents don’t want me to stay here too late.”_ Justin explains to the boy.

“ _We could play basketball just like last time.”_ Cooper adds.

Jessica shoots him a sharp look. The amount of time Justin spend at her house in the past is not something her parents know about.

“ _Really? Is he a good player?”_ Greg asks his son, amused by the situation.

“ _He’s the best, but I’m older now and I think I can beat him.”_ Cooper responds proudly.

“ _I’m sure you could beat me.”_ Justin tells him, aware his body went through a lot since the last time they played together.

“ _So, Justin, since you’re such a good player, did you receive any scholarships?”_ Greg asks, worried about the future of him and his daughter.

“ _I did.”_ Justin doesn’t go into details, still unsure about college.

“ _That’s great. So where are you going next year?”_ Noelle asks.

“ _Uhm...”_

“ _He’s going to Occidental.”_ Jessica cuts him off, answering her parents with a smile.

Justin looks at her, but can’t bring himself to correct her.

“ _Occidental. That’s in Los Angeles right?”_

“ _Yeah, it is.”_

Jessica’s phone rings and she leaves the table to answer.

“ _Is Jessica leaving to Los Angeles with you?”_ Elijah asks.

“ _I… I don’t know.”_

They all fall silent. No one in this room has any idea what Jessica is going to do. They finish their desert in silence when Jessica comes back.

“ _I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”_ She informs them.

“ _Is Justin leaving too?”_ Copper asks, disappointed.

“ _Where are you going?”_ Noelle asks, disappointed as well.

“ _There’s a problem with HO. They need me._ ” Jessica knows this excuse will work.

“ _Why don’t you stay here? I know two people who would love this.”_ Jessica tells Justin.

“ _Make it four. I’m interested to see how you handle these two.”_ Greg jokes, pointing at his sons.

“ _We have to make sure you’re capable of raising our grandchild.”_ Noelle adds jokingly as well.

“ _Granddaughter actually.”_ Jessica informs them as she places her hands on Justin’s shoulder, standing behind him.

Greg laughs happily.

“ _Oh, then trust me, you need the practice.”_ Greg tells Justin.

“ _Jessica wasn't that bad.”_ Noelle reassures him.

“ _That bad? Thanks.”_ Jessica replies playfully, pretending to be offended.

“ _I can only imagine.”_ Justin decides to tease Jessica, making her pay for leaving him him alone in here. Jessica rolls her eyes.

“ _I can drop you off at home on my way if you prefer.”_ She offers him.

“ _It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”_ Justin reassures her.

Jessica nods.

“ _No basketball. No sports of any kind okay?”_ She tells her brothers and Justin.

“ _Why?”_ Cooper and Elijah ask in unison.

“ _Justin was very sick and even though he’s okay now, he should be taking it easy.”_

“ _You may be worse than Lainie.”_ Justin replies in a chuckle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda weird for me to write chapters as "happy" as this one was.   
> What do you think is going on with Clay exactly?


	154. The Thanks I Get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Erik Hassle – The Thanks I Get

_Saturday_

After spending two hours at Jessica’s playing with her brothers, Justin goes home, disappointed Jessica didn’t come home sooner and sure she’s hiding something from him again.

“ _How did you get here?_ ” Lainie asks when he enters the house.

“ _I walked. It’s not that far.”_

“ _Justin.”_ Lainie tells him, disapproving.

“ _If I want to keep playing I need to get back in shape. Walking is a good exercise.”_

“ _Well, I guess it’s fair.”_ Lainie agrees. They talked about this to Justin’s doctor and even if he has to take it easy for now, he has to start somewhere and walking is not an extreme first step.

“ _Justin, honey. Do you have a minute to talk?”_ Lainie stops him on his way towards the back of the house.

Justin takes a few steps back and enters the living-room.

“ _Sit please.”_ Lainie points at the couch.

He follows her instructions and she sits next to him.

“ _Is it about Clay?”_ Justin asks, worried.

“ _No, it’s… Why? Is there something wrong?”_

“ _I don’t know. He’s been pretty irritable lately. He’s still taking his medication right?”_

“ _He is. Matt and I, we’re making sure he does, but recovery isn’t a straight line. Some days are harder than others.”_

Justin nods, but he’s still persuaded something else is going on.

“ _I wanted to talk about your mom.”_

Justin feels the urge to get up and get out of there, but he doesn’t. Instead, he waits for Lainie to go on.

“ _We think we should do something. A funeral, a ceremony… call it what you want. Just a moment for you to say goodbye.”_

“ _There’s no need.”_

“ _I think there is. I think you need this and I’m not the only one. Matt talked to Jessica and she agrees.”_

Justin shakes his head. He doesn’t understand why this is so important to them. It’s not like any of them cared about Amber or even really knew her.

“ _Matt and Jessica decided to organize something. I don’t think they should have before telling you about it first, but I am telling you now and we still have the option to cancel it.”_

“ _What? What even is there to organize?”_

“ _Her ashes. What do you want to do about it? Do you want to keep them, do you want us to keep them?”_

“ _I don’t want you to keep them and… I don’t want to keep them here. I don’t even know if I want to keep them.”_

Lainie nods, understanding.

“ _Jessica went with Matt to the town hall this afternoon. They asked for a permit and if you want to, we can scatter her ashes somewhere.”_

Justin sighs. This is why Jessica left. She lost hours with her family to help him with his.

“ _Where can we do that?”_ He is actually interested in this idea. This way, he can say goodbye and let her go for good, without feeling haunted by her presence.

“ _Matt and Jessica are trying to find a good place to do this as we speak. I can call them and ask them to come pick you up. You could go with them and choose a place you like.”_

“ _No… I… I trust them. I know they’ll find a great place to do this.”_

“ _Maybe you could choose a place that means something to you. A place where you have a good memory with your mother.”_

“ _Trust me, this place doesn’t exist.”_ Justin informs her in a sad tone.

“ _I hope you’re not mad we set this in motion behind your back.”_

“ _Not at all. I know you’re only trying to help me.”_ Justin offers her with a smile.

* * *

After this discussion, Justin goes to the outhouse. Clay isn’t here. He left a note saying he left for a jog. He takes out the documents he received from Sanderson and Occidental from his drawer and places them on the table. While he waits for Matt to come home to call Jessica, he might as well take a look at the course catalog again.

When he recognizes the sound of Matt’s Prius parking in front of the house, he takes out his phone.

> “ _Hey. There must have been something crazy happening with HO for you to be gone so long.”_
> 
> _\- - - “Yeah. Casey and Kelly got into a fight about...”_
> 
> “ _I know that’s a lie. Lainie told me everything.”_
> 
> _\- - - “I’m sorry Justin. Matt came over last night and he looked so defeated. I wanted to help him and help you at the same time. I figured I could take the pressure off of you by organizing something myself. I know I suck for not telling you about it first.”_
> 
> “ _I understand. I’m not upset. I’m just sorry you ditched your family for me.”_
> 
> _\- - - “They’ve been gone for months. I think a few more hours won’t do us any harm. If Lainie told you, what do you think about the idea of scattering her ashes?”_
> 
> “ _I think it’s a good idea and I’m happy you took care of it with Matt. I wouldn’t have a clue where to start.”_
> 
> _\- - - “You should have started by telling us how you really felt about it. Good thing your girlfriend knows you enough by now to figure out what you want.”_
> 
> “ _Thank you.”_
> 
> _\- - - “We actually found the perfect place to do this and we could do it tomorrow. Of course, I’ll send you a link so you can make up your mind.”_
> 
> “ _Tomorrow?”_
> 
> _\- - - “You’ll be back to school on Monday. Why not leave the past in the past and start fresh starting next week?”_
> 
> “ _That’s a good idea.”_
> 
> _\- - - “By the way, my parents told me you insisted on walking back home. Remind me to kick your ass next time I see you.”_
> 
> Justin laughs.
> 
> “ _Just send me the pictures of the place and I’ll tell you if I’m okay with it.”_
> 
> _\- - - “Okay. Bye babe.”_
> 
> “ _Bye.”_

* * *

Clay is looking at the city from the highest point there is in Evergreen. He jogged there and decided to take a break before running back down towards his house. He’s wiping the sweat of his forehead when he receives a text from Jessica. Same goes for everyone in the group, except Justin.

> _Jessica: Hey everyone. As some of you know, Justin’s mom passed away a few weeks ago. There’s going to be a small ceremony tomorrow and I know Justin would be happy to have some support even though he’s to proud to say it. To avoid ambushing him, let’s meet at the outhouse at 3p.m. and see if he’s okay with it._

Clay wants to scream. How was he not aware of this? Why? Justin is his brother, but he might as well be a stranger. He feels like they are living two complete separate lives. It started when Justin was in the hospital, he feels like it’s getting worse and he can’t imagine how things could get better once they start college. Clay is going to become that one guy who shared Justin’s bedroom for a while. After all, they weren’t friends before all this drama with the tapes. Once the drama ends, is his relationship with Justin ending as well? 


	155. The Ice Is Getting Thinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Ice Is Getting Thinner – Death Cab for Cutie

_Sunday_

Jessica explained everything about Amber to her parents, leaving the part where she gave her money, and they offered to come with her to the ceremony to support Justin. When they arrive at the Jensen on Sunday afternoon, she quickly leaves her parents with Matt and Lainie to join Justin in the outhouse. He agreed to scatter Amber’s ashes in the place she picked with Matt the day before, but she still has to inform him she invited their friends and that her parents chose to tag along.

When she enters the outhouse, there’s no sign of Justin, but Clay is here, wearing a black suit.

“ _He’s not back yet.”_ Clay informs her coldly, not looking up from his comic.

“ _He’s at a meeting right?”_

“ _He was. The meeting ended by now, but I have no idea why he’s not back yet.”_

Jessica nods and stares at Clay, sensing something is off.

“ _I’m sorry if I did something to piss you off.”_

Clay looks up from his comic.

“ _You could save us some time and just tell me what I did wrong.”_ Jessica continues.

“ _You did nothing wrong.”_ Clay responds in a sigh.

“ _Then what is it?”_

“ _Why didn’t you tell me you were doing something like this?”_

“ _The service?”_

“ _Yeah. To be honest it kinda sucks to learn about this at the same time as everyone else via a text.”_

“ _It was so last minute that I thought I would inform everyone as soon as I had the chance. Besides, I had no idea you didn’t know. I thought Justin told you.”_

“ _Well, he didn’t.”_

“ _Are you mad at me or at him?”_

“ _I’m not mad.”_

“ _You sure as hell look like it.”_

“ _Does he know you invited everyone?”_ Clay asks in a judging tone.

“ _No, I’m planning on telling him now.”_

Clay gets up and is about to leave the outhouse.

“ _You clearly don’t need me.”_ He adds before exiting.

“ _Wait. Where are you...”_ Jessica begins, but is stopped by Justin who just arrived.

Clay uses this opportunity to leave.

“ _Is everything okay?”_ Justin asks Jess, afraid his brother was rude to her again.

“ _How are you feeling?”_ Jessica asks instead, changing the subject.

“ _Weird. It’s just… a weird day for me.”_

“ _I hope the meeting helped a little.”_

“ _It did. I went to get coffee with Kerba after and he offered to come to the service.”_

“ _Does this mean you’re okay with people coming to this?”_

“ _I guess, it’s just a bit weird that people who didn’t know her might be here.”_

“ _My parents insisted on coming. I can tell them not too.”_

“ _I know. I saw them inside with my folks. Kerba is in there too.”_

“ _And… I told everyone in the group and I invited them...”_ Jessica informs him, a little unsure it was the right decision, based on the look on Justin’s face.

“ _I can still tell them not to come.”_ She adds.

“ _I’m not sure they’ll show up anyway. It’s not like any of them care about honoring my mother’s memory.”_

“ _I’m sure they’ll be here, but this isn’t about honoring Amber. This is about supporting you.”_

“ _I still have to change. I’ll meet you at the house okay?”_

“ _Okay.”_ Jessica answers, regretting inviting everyone while making her way out the door.

* * *

When Jessica arrives inside the house, her parents are talking to Kerba with the Jensens. Clay is seated on the couch and she’s walking towards him when the door-bell rings. Clay gets up to open the door. She waits in the living-room and is surprised to see Clay come back with Ani. She walks towards them to greet her former best-friend. Clay leaves the two of them to let them talk.

“ _I didn’t expect to see you here.”_ Jessica comments.It’s not like Ani kept in contact with any of them after she left a few months ago.

“ _I know. I clearly missed a lot.”_

“ _It’s nothing a phone-call from time to time couldn’t have solved.”_ Jessica tells her, sadden their relationship ended the moment she left.

“ _I know. Congratulations by the way.”_ Ani offers her, pointing at Jessica’s body.

“ _Why did you come here?”_ Jessica asks, not able to pretend everything is fine.

“ _Justin needs us, like you said in your text.”_

“ _I could have used your help too. Where were you when he was in the hospital?”_

The door-bell rings again and Clay walks up to them on his way to answer the door.

“ _Can you fight later please?”_ He asks them before going to the door.

He opens it and all their friends apparently arrived together. They enter the house and Jessica gets distracted from her conversation with Ani.

“ _Clay’s right. Let’s not do that now. We’ll talk later okay?”_ She asks Ani who nods in response as Jessica is already leaving her side to greet her friends.

* * *

After having put on his suit, Justin looks at himself in the mirror. Good thing he lost weight in the hospital, because Matt and Lainie bought it for him to testify in court after he lived on the streets and before he had the chance to gain back some weight. He takes a deep breath and joins everyone in the house. He’s pleasantly surprised to see how many people are here for his mother’s service, or rather for him, as Jessica pointed out. When everyone notices him, they all stop talking and the atmosphere changes, but just for a second, before they return to their conversations. He greets everyone and they quickly leave the house. 


	156. I Love You and I Let You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : I Love You and I Let You Go – Eskmo

_Sunday_

The place Jessica and Matt chose is actually beautiful. It’s a little park, with a fountain, filled with flowers and trees beside a small pound. Justin arrives first with his brother and his parents. They stand together, waiting for everyone else to join. Lainie is holding the urn containing Amber’s ashes. Justin looks at the water and the way the sun reflects on the surface, he listens to the wind flowing in the leaves of the trees around them as everyone makes their way to stand around him and his family. Justin is brought back to reality by Lainie’s voice. He looks at her. She left his side to place herself in front of everybody, her back turned against the body of water, facing everyone.

“ _I’m really thankful to see how many people came here today to show their support to Justin. I never met Amber, but she gave me one of the three most valuable thing I have. I wouldn’t have the chance to have Justin as my son if it wasn't for her. Amber Foley lived a complicated life that I don’t wish on anybody and she made many mistakes, but there is one thing she did right and that is bringing Justin to the world and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that our lives are better for having Justin in it.”_

Lainie looks down at the urn in her arms.

“ _Amber, I promise you I’ll do everything to protect your little boy.”_ Her voice cracks a little.

She looks up at Justin, inviting him to join her. It’s his turn to speak.

Justin hesitates a little. He thought about what he could say, but it’s harder than he thought it would be.

“ _Lainie is right when she says she made many mistakes, but I think she tried her best with what she had and she didn’t have much.”_

He stops and takes out something from his pocket.

“ _While I was getting ready, I found this. It’s a letter she wrote me, the last words she ever addressed to me.”_

He stops to regain his composure.

“ _I didn’t have much either and it took me a lot of time to accept what I did have. In her letter she begs me to accept being loved, cherished and protected. When I look at everyone one who showed up for me today, I know what I have, what I always had; love. It’s the only thing my mom had as well. Despite everything, I loved her.”_

He takes a second to find his next words, looking at his friends and family.

“ _I’m going to end my speech with her own words… Words I want each of you to carry with you everyday. Words I’ve been carrying with me since the fist time I read them… As long as we draw breath, there is hope.”_

Lainie gently places her hand on Justin’s shoulder, proud of him. He looks up at her with a sad smile and takes the urn from her hands. He turns around to face the water and his relatives line-up beside him, facing the water as well. Justin looks at the urn for a second, Matt and Lainie standing behind him, a supportive hand on his back. Clay and Jessica are standing next to him. He opens the urn and slowly tilts it to the side, releasing its content. The ashes swivels in the air, blown by the wind and fall down to the water. Justin closes the now empty urn and places it on the ground. After a minute of silence, everyone starts to leave, little group by little group. Soon enough, Justin is left standing there, but he’s not alone. Jessica is standing to his left, her hand in his and Clay is to his right, his hand resting on his shoulder.

Justin closes his eyes for a second, cherishing how free and complete he feels at this moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I know this chapter is really short, but it didn't feel right to add anything to it.


	157. Don't Shy From The Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Don't Shy From The Light – NEULORE

_Sunday_

After the service, everyone gathers at the Jensens. Jessica decides it’s probably the best time to have a discussion with Ani.

“ _Can we talk?”_ She asks her former best-friend.

Ani nods, a little afraid of what Jessica might tell her.

They exit the house and sit outside on the stairs leading to the garden.

“ _Thank you for coming today.”_ Jessica chooses to start the conversation as calmly as she can.

“ _No problem. It was about time I came back here to see all of you.”_

“ _Why didn’t you before?”_

“ _I got busy and to be fair you haven’t kept in touch either Jess.”_

“ _As I’m sure you’ve understand by now, a lot happened. So you had no idea about… any of it?”_

“ _Clay texted me while Justin was in the hospital.”_

Jessica scoffs.

“ _I didn’t think you’d need me.”_ Ani tries to explain.

“ _It’s not only about me Ani. Clay could have used your help too. He went through a lot and it’s still pretty hard for him.”_

“ _I had no idea.”_ Ani shrugs.

Jessica understands that even so Ani didn’t keep in contact, she didn’t try either and she can’t blame her for not knowing about everything when she should have been the one informing her.

“ _I for sure didn’t expect to find you pregnant when I walked in earlier.”_ Ani jokes.

“ _It gives people something to gossip about at school.”_

“ _I’m sure that doesn’t stop you from terrorizing Bolan.”_

“ _Actually, I’m not the student body president anymore and I’m sure Bolan is relieved, Charlie is way more… diplomatic.”_

“ _Why did you quit?”_

“ _You missed a lot.”_ Jessica answers in a shrug. They’re not the friends they were anymore and that’s okay, but that means she won’t share everything with her like she used to.

“ _There’s one thing you should know though.”_ Jessica remembers the plan.

Ani waits for her to continue.

“ _Alex and I are going to the cops to confess after graduation.”_

“ _Are you sure?”_

“ _Yes, but you don’t have to worry about you. We have a plan.”_

“ _When you guys have a plan it’s usually a bad one.”_

Ani’s phone rings. It’s her mother telling her she’s parked outside the house, ready to pick her up.

“ _I’m sorry, but...”_ Ani begins to apologize for leaving mid-conversation as she gets up.

“ _It’s okay. I’ll tell you about it once we figure out the last details.”_ Jessica tells her with a reassuring smile.

Once Ani leaves, Jessica stays seated on the steps, enjoying the sun and the light breeze. She’s sad this friendship definitely won’t be rekindled, but she’s okay to be left with the amazing friends she already has. She hears footstep behind her and turns around to see Justin standing there with a cup in his hand.

“ _Hot chocolate?”_ He asks with a smile before siting down next to her.

“ _Thank you. You’re so sweet.”_ Jessica tells him as she grabs the cup from his hand.

“ _Anything for my girls.”_ Justin offers her with a charming smile.

“ _Keep it in your pants Foley.”_ Jessica jokes which causes Justin to laugh.

“ _How are you feeling?”_ She asks him seriously.

“ _Like I can finally leave the past in the past for good. Like I can start fresh from now.”_

“ _That’s good. That’s all I wanted out of today. To give you a chance to have closure.”_ Jessica comments.

“ _How was your discussion with Ani?”_

“ _I think I got closure as well.”_ She informs him, a little sadden by it.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ He offers, placing a reassuring hand on her back and she leans her head on his shoulder.

They stay silent for a minute, until Justin decides to confront Jess about something that happened the day before.

“ _Yesterday. Why did you tell your parents I was going to Occidental? Because they mentioned it to mine and Kerba heard and now everyone is convinced I’m going there.”_

“ _I guess you don’t have a choice but to go there now.”_ Jessica playfully answers.

“ _Jess. We were supposed to talk about this together.”_ Justin replies seriously.

“ _Okay. Let’s talk about it. Where do you wanna go?”_

“ _It’s not that simple.”_ Justin answers, rolling his eyes.

“ _It is. I saw your face when you opened the envelop. You have the opportunity to go to the College of your choice. Take it.”_

Justin doesn’t seem convinced.

“ _What would Jeff Atkins tell you?”_

“ _What?”_ Justin asks in a chuckle, not understanding.

“ _What would your mom tell you?”_

Justin thinks about it and he knows Jessica’s right about him wanting to go there, but that doesn’t change the fact that the situation isn’t that simple.

“ _What about us?”_ He asks in a shrug.

“ _I wouldn’t worry about us. We found our way back to each other time and time again. No matter what happens, I know this won’t change anything.”_

“ _So you really think I should go to Occidental?”_

“ _Yes.”_ Jessica answers him with a huge smile.

“ _If there’s one thing I want it’s to see you happy. You deserve it. You deserve the future you worked harder than anyone else to get.”_ She continues.

“ _Okay.”_ Justin answers with a smile.

“ _Then I should go back inside and tell everyone.”_ He adds, getting up.

“ _You’re coming?”_ He extends his hand to invite her to follow him.

Jessica takes it and he helps her up before they enter the house hand in hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter to make up from the previous one's shortness.   
> Justin is going back to school the next day. What could go wrong?


	158. What Do We Do Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : What Do We Do Now? - Eskmo

_Monday_

“ _Ready?”_ Clay asks Justin the next morning as they’re about to leave for school.

“ _Not really, but I guess I have to go back at some point.”_

“ _Good news is you didn’t miss much, there wasn’t not a lot of changes. Sad news is it means Liberty is still as fucked up as is always was.”_

“ _Thank you for helping me with the classes I missed and all the assignments.”_

Clay nods and they exit the outhouse.

* * *

The day goes surprisingly well, until Justin can’t avoid Diego anymore. When he walks up to his locker, he finds the boy leaning against the lockers next to his.

“ _Welcome back.”_ Diego greets him.

“ _What do you want?”_

“ _Just to make sure you’re alright. How was rehab?”_

Justin scoffs as he opens his locker.

“ _Come on. What else could it be?”_

Justin sharply closes the door of his locker and looks at Diego.

“ _I wasn’t in rehab.”_

Justin begins to walk away, sensing he might lose his calm pretty quickly.

“ _So, you and Jessica. Are you guys back together?”_ Diego continues as he follows him.

Justin continues to ignore him.

“ _Of course you are. I feel bad for you man. She clearly found a way to trap you for good now.”_

Justin stops walking and turns around to face him.

“ _Man, you should really stop talking.”_

“ _I’m serious. She’s probably been manipulating you for years now. Just like she tried to do with me.”_

Justin takes a step to get closer to him.

“ _What about what you tried to do with her?”_

__

Diego doesn’t respond. He had no idea the truth about what happened at Winston’s party was out.

“ _So trust me, if I was you, I wouldn’t give me a reason to beat the shit out of you.”_ Justin threatens him.

“ _To bad you weren’t ready to do that for her when it was Bryce.”_ Diego can’t help himself and taunts him.

This is when Justin completely loses it and pushes Diego against the wall, before punching him. Unfortunately, Diego is stronger than him and shoves him against the lockers.

Out of nowhere, a school resource officer arrives and tries to break them up.

“ _That’s enough!”_ He shouts at them.

“ _You, back to class.”_ He orders Justin.

“ _You, up against the locker.”_ He tells Diego as pushes him against it.

“ _Me? Why just me?”_ Diego doesn’t understand.

Justin looks at the scene and he’s as lost as Diego is.

“ _I said up against the locker!”_ The officer repeats as he shoves Diego against it.

“ _Come on, you can’t do that!”_ Justin tries to intervene, shocked by the brutality of it.

“ _I said back to class!”_ The officer responds.

“ _What the hell?”_ Diego asks, his face against the locker.

“ _Fucking Mexican kid starting a fight.”_ The officer comments as he pats down Diego.

“ _You can’t say shit like that. Get off of him!”_ Justin tells the officer as he puts his hand on his shoulder, trying to stop him.

“ _Back off!”_ The officer yells at him, pushing him away violently against the opposite wall.

As much as Diego likes to see Justin getting pushed around, the only reason he’s in this position is because he stood up for him so he decides to repay him by trying to push the officer off of him.

In a second, the officer draws his gun out and points it at Diego and Justin. The few students that have gathered at the end of the hallway to look at what is happening are in shock.

Justin and Diego raise their hand in the air.

“ _Please don’t shoot. Put the gun away and I’ll do whatever you want.”_ Diego pleas.

“ _Back up! Back the fuck up!”_ He orders, pointing at the lockers with his gun.

Diego obeys quickly.

“ _Up against the locker!”_ He shouts at Justin, grabbing him and shoving him against it before he has the time to obey.

Both boys are now standing against the lockers, their hands up in the air, terrorized.

The officer puts back his gun in his holster and turns Diego violently, his face against the lockers as he begins to put handcuffs on him.

“ _Come on, he didn’t do anything man. Let him go.”_ Justin says, his hands still in the air.

The officer completely ignores him.

“ _Let him go!”_ Justin yells at him.

“ _Hey! What the fuck!”_ Jessica yells, having just arrived in the hallway, Alex by her side.

The officer, still in a complete fury shoves Diego against the locker one last time before he grabs Justin’s arm. 

“ _You’re both coming with me.”_ He informs them as he pushes them forward; Diego in handcuffs and Justin just being asked to follow along.

They pass through the crowd that as formed on their way to the administration and Jessica stares at them, fear and anger in their eyes.

The crowd follows them and stops outside the administration office.

“ _Is this true?”_ Charlie asks when he arrives by his friends side, having been informed by Alex and a few others students.

“ _It’s fucking insane.”_ Clay comments.

“ _You need to do something about it.”_ Alex tells Charlie.

“ _What should I do?”_ Charlie asks Jessica, lost.

Jessica shakes her head. She has no idea and she’s not the president anymore so this is on Charlie.

More and more students gather and pretty fast, Bolan has no other choice than to come out to confront them.

“ _I know you probably have questions, but right now is not the time. Go back to class. All of you.”_

“ _Where are Diego and Justin?”_ Zach asks.

“ _They’re both being questioned as we speak.”_

“ _We won’t go back to class without them.”_ Luke tells him.

“ _They won’t go back to class, but you need to.”_

“ _They are treated like criminals.”_ Alex comments.

“ _I’ve been told they were fighting. The situation is being addressed. Go back to class.”_

“ _No! We can’t go on like this is okay.”_ Charlie intervenes.

Supportive cheers erupt from the crowd.

“ _Do not make matters worse. Diego and Justin will be released shortly and the officer will be disciplined if appropriate...”_ Bolan tries to calm them, but the students clearly show their disapproval at his last remark.

“ _Fuck that. Enough is enough!”_ Jessica responds.

“ _It’s not just them or this fucking situation. It’s everything.”_ Clay supports her.

The students approve and Bolan knows it’s going to be really hard to dissolve the tension now.

“ _I understand your point without all the inappropriate language alright?”_

“ _Fuck you.”_ Clay replies, which causes the students to be even more supportive.

“ _We’re together on this.”_ Charlie ads.

“ _Everyone back to class now or there will be consequences.”_ Bolan tries again.

“ _Bring it on. We’re not afraid.”_ Zach responds.

“ _We’re finally doing something.”_ Charlie tells the principal.

“ _Doing what exactly?”_ He asks him.

Charlie actually has no idea so he looks at Jessica, hoping she would help him. She exchange a look with Clay and they look behind them to the exit, turn back to look at Charlie before starting to walk out of the school, followed by everyone. 


	159. Black and White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Parquet Courts – Black and White

Once outside, Alex walks up to Charlie, Jessica and Clay whose actions have caused everyone else to follow them outside.

“ _You guys have to figure something out, because everyone is here now.”_ He tells them, accompanied by Tony and Zach.

“ _Yeah, it’s… it’s kind of a thing.”_ Tony comments, surprised by the way things have took a turn.

Small groups are forming outside and everyone suggests something. The tension is rising.

Tyler arrives with Winston and hands Charlie a megaphone they grabbed from the HO cave on their way out.

“ _Let’s hear what our president has to say.”_ He tells Charlie.

Charlie shakes his head and gives the megaphone to Jessica.

“ _You’re the elected president. I’m sure you know what to say.”_

Jessica takes it, but seems unsure. Clay offers her a reassuring nod.

“ _You can do this.”_ He comments.

Jessica takes a deep breath before addressing the crowd.

“ _Hey everyone!”_

People stop talking and turn to look at her.

“ _There’s a lot we disagree on, but I know we can agree on one thing… We’re pissed of am I right?”_

“ _Yeah!”_ Everyone shouts in response.

“ _Because shit has got to change around here so let’s make damn sure it does today! Are you guys with me?”_

“ _Yeah!”_ The students shout again.

“ _So let’s stand our ground!”_ Jessica shouts, inviting everyone to follow her towards the parking lot.

“ _What do we do now?”_ Zach asks, once everyone is standing around in the parking lot.

“ _We wait.”_ Jessica answers.

“ _For what?”_ Tyler asks.

“ _For Bolan to do something.”_ Clay responds.

“ _You really think he gives a shit?”_ Alex asks.

“ _I guess we’ll see.”_ Charlie answers hopefully.

Jessica leaves Alex’s side to get closer to Clay.

“ _Did you receive any news from Justin?”_ She asks him, worried.

Clay takes out his phone, but there’s nothing.

“ _Nothing, but I’m sure he’s alright. Good news is I didn’t receive anything from my parents either.”_

“ _Hey, look!”_ Tony points at Bolan and Foundry walking out of the building.

“ _You have to talk to them.”_ Jessica tells Charlie.

“ _No. You have to do it. I don’t even know what we’re doing here exactly.”_ Charlie responds, not feeling up for it.

Jessica sighs, but Clay puts his hand on her shoulder.

“ _I’ll be with you.”_ He reassures her.

Jessica nods and they make their way to join the two men.

Jessica and Clay asked Bolan and Foundry for the removal of all officers on campus and to promise there will never be another drill like the one they experienced. They promised they would discuss it if everyone got back to class. Of course, Jessica and Clay refused, pointing out they would be waiting for their decision here along with every other student. Bolan and Foundry then retreated in the building, leaving everyone waiting for the next step.

“ _Maybe we’re overreacting.”_ Charlie comments, after Clay filled him in.

“ _Are you fucking serious? You’re not the one avoiding the hallways since they hired these officers.”_ Tony tells him.

“ _Do you remember the first day back after the break? This officer tried to arrest me. After what he did to Diego, it’s pretty obvious to why. Diego shouldn’t have been treated that way.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _So we’re doing this for Diego?”_ Alex asks.

“ _We do this for everyone, including you. Do you remember the drill? I sure as hell haven’t forget.”_ Clay comments.

“ _You need to call Justin. Make sure he’s okay. I’m going to talk to everyone to figure out what we should do now.”_ Jessica tells him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I wouldn't do this, but it's actually needed for the rest of the story so here it is! There will be some changes. You won't have to read the exact same thing you saw on your screens, don't worry.


	160. Fuck Society

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Mac Quayle – rom3falls

_Monday_

“ _Why are we still here?”_ Diego asks, handcuffs to a chair in Bolan’s office.

“ _The fuck if I know.”_ Justin responds, seated on the couch, waiting for his punishment.

They see Bolan and Foundry entering the adjacent office with an officer. They seem to be agitated, on hedge.

Bolan enters his office.

“ _You two are staying here for now until the situation is resolved.”_

“ _What situation?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Don’t go anywhere.”_ Bolan orders as he leaves the two of them alone again.

Justin scoffs.

“ _What is so funny about this?”_ Diego asks.

“ _Of course this is how my first day back goes.”_

“ _Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”_ Diego comments.

“ _I’m pretty sure I would have punched you at some point anyway. I just wish I didn’t do it here surrounded by those fucking officers.”_

“ _Thank you… for standing up for me.”_ Diego offers Justin.

“ _I did that because this was bullshit, but don’t get me wrong, I still fucking hate your gut.”_ Justin answers.

“ _I get it. You’re in love with her...”_ Diego begins, but Justin cuts him off.

“ _Just shut the fuck up okay?”_

Diego sighs, but obeys.

They hear the sound of sirens coming from outside the building.

“ _What the hell?”_ Diego lets out.

Justin gets up, ready to leave to see what is going on.

“ _We have to stay here.”_ Diego reminds him.

“ _Fuck.”_ Justin says, seating back down.

“ _Of course Foundry had to take our phones._ ” He adds.

* * *

Jessica comes back to the group when patrol cars park in front of the school.

“ _He doesn’t pick up.”_ Clay tells her.

The police officers line-up on the sidewalks, helmets and protective shields on. Bolan and Foundry come back to greet them.

“ _But I guess we have their answer.”_ He continues, flashing back to the shooting drill and the way Bolan shook their hand at the end of the day like everything was fine.

“ _They don’t want us to go back inside anymore.”_ Charlie points out.

“ _They want us to leave.”_ Jessica comments, defeated.

“ _This is the Evergreen’ sheriff department. You have two minutes to evacuate the premises or you’ll be forcibly removed.”_ An officer announces on speaker.

Everyone seems to be afraid of the threat.

“ _Two minutes.”_ The officer reiterates.

“ _I’m ready for a fight, but Jess, they have guns and we’ve got nothing.”_ Clay tells her, worried. He doesn’t want to be near cops or guns anymore.

Jessica looks at the cops, pondering what they should do. The only thing she knows is that they shouldn't give up.

“ _That’s not true. We still have our voices.”_ She responds.

“ _They don’t seem ready to listen.”_ Winston, who stayed in the back until now comments.

“ _Then we fight with what we have.”_ Jessica decides.

“ _What’s the plan?”_ Zach asks. Jessica informs the people around her, who informs the students around them and pretty quickly, the word spreads across the whole sea of students.

Tony begins to leave and Tyler stops him.

“ _Tony, where are you going?”_

“ _Ty, I can’t. Not with this many police officers around. You know I have a record.”_

“ _I know, but we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re just standing here.”_

“ _Tyler, shit is about to go down and I don’t think it’s going to end well.”_

__

“ _Time’s up.”_ The officer announces before inviting Bolan and Foundry to go back inside.

“ _Officers. Please proceed.”_ He orders his men.

The officers begin to march towards them, banging on their shields.

“ _Stand your ground!”_ Jessica shouts in the megaphone. If people start leaving now, all of this won’t lead to anything.

“ _Jess. I think you should leave.”_ Clay tells her, his anxiety raising as the cops get closer and closer.

She looks at him, but the sound of the officer’s batons on their shield reminds her why she’s here, why she was elected in the first place; to fight against injustice. She can’t leave.

“ _Nooooowwww_!” She yells in the megaphone when the cops are close enough.

Everyone starts throwing everything they have in their backpack at them; notebooks, books, sheets of paper, pencil cases…

The students gain more and more confidence. Some try to push the officers back by knocking on their shields. Some officers fight back, beginning to arrest the kids who just wanted someone to hear their voice. Jessica notices the jocks have bats in their hands and she realizes things are gonna go south. She runs up to them, trying to stop them, but she doesn’t stand a chance against them.

“ _What are you doing? Stop!_ She yells, but they ignore her.

Zach sees them and Jessica argue so he starts to run up to them, but he’s too late. The jocks are already fighting the cops and Jessica is caught in the middle of it all, just like he is caught in the middle of another confrontation. Everyone gets separated.

* * *

Diego and Justin stay seated in silence for a while, trying to make sense of the sounds they hear. People shouting, talking in speakers or megaphones, but they don’t understand any of it. Pretty soon, the phones in the offices start ringing without stopping.

They exchange a worried look. Something is definitely going on.

“ _Maybe you should go._ ” Diego tells Justin.

“ _Well, it wouldn’t seem fair to leave when you’re tied up to chair._ ” Justin comments.

“ _None of this is fucking fair._ ” Diego answers.

* * *

Clay is standing in the middle of the crowd, paralyzed until he notices the megaphone on the ground. Students are starting to run away, afraid for their safety and he decides to stop them. He grabs the megaphone and runs to a car and stands on top of it.

“ _Hey! Hold on! Don’t run away from this. Listen… listen to me. They are going to make us think that we are the problem, but we are not the problem! We go to the school that they built for us. We leave in the society that they made for us. Shit is broken! Shit is wrong! They can’t fix it. They won’t. So it’s our tun now. We’re gonna make it right if we have to burn it down and start over. So I say fuck it all! We’re fighting. Who’s with me? Fuck it all!”_

__

Everyone cheers and repeats Clay’s words.

“ _Fuck it all!”_

“ _Fuck it all!”_ Clay repeats as he gets down from the car, more fired up than he ever was.

He looks around him. Unfortunately, the officers are stronger and the students don’t have a chance. All of them are getting beaten up and arrested. Alex is squatting by Charlie, trying to wake him up. Tony just kicked an officer off of Tyler. Zach is fighting a little further against two police officers. This isn’t a fair fight. None of this is fair. Clay turns to look at the building. Bolan and Foundry are standing in front of it, looking at everything happening, but they don’t do anything. Bolan claims it’s his job to protect the students at this school, but they are getting massacred and he’s not stopping it. The rage builds up inside him.

Winston is not really the fighting type so he decided to do what he does best, document the riot with his camera. When he gets a glimpse of Jessica caught up between officers and the jocks, he lets go of his camera and runs towards her to get her out of there. By the time he arrives, she’s seated on the sidewalk, her noose bleeding.

“ _Are you okay?”_ He asks once he reaches her.

“ _I think so.”_ She responds in a shaky breath.

“ _I didn’t want that to happen.”_ She adds, looking at the crowd with worry.

“ _None of us expected this.”_ He answers, squatting in front of her, about to help her up.

“ _Oh my god.”_ Jessica lets out, looking behind Winston.

Winston turns to look at what caused this reaction.

“ _Fire! Fire!”_ Alex screams as loud as he can when he notices the car on fire as well.

Winston only has time to throw himself protectively on top of Jessica when the principal’s car explodes.

* * *

Suddenly, there’s a loud boom.

Diego and Justin exchange another look. Not a worried look this time, because now they are terrified.

Before they have the time to process any of it, Bolan runs inside the administration accompanied by Foundry. They seem even more disturbed than they were before.

“ _Hey!”_ Justin calls them as he gets up.

He walks to the door, opens it and asks.

“ _What happened?”_

“ _Stay seated in my office! We’ll let you go once it’s safe for everyone.”_ Bolan orders.

Justin doesn’t like this, but he returns to his place on the couch.


	161. Wrong Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Lovely Feathers – Wrong Choice

_Monday_

Diego and Justin have been waiting for what feels like another hour when Dr.Singh enters Bolan’s office.

“ _You need to stay here a little bit longer, but Diego, Dean Foundry authorized me to get you out of those handcuffs.”_ She explains as she frees him.

“ _Did he explain why I was in them in the first place?”_ Diego asks, irritated by everything.

“ _Does this mean we’re free to go?”_ Justin tries.

“ _Not yet. The officers are securing the perimeter. Once everyone leaves, you’ll be free to go.”_ She explains them in a gentle voice.

“ _Do you know what happened?”_ Diego asks, feeling she might tell them.

She nods.

“ _Someone set Principal Bolan’s car on fire during the riot.”_

“ _The riot?”_ Justin is lost.

“ _I’m sure he’ll explain everything to you once he gets back.”_ She regrets having said too much.

“ _Was anyone hurt?”_ Justin asks, worried, just before she leaves the office.

She turns around and looks at them with compassion.

“ _Nothing serious.”_ She informs them with a reassuring smile before closing the door behind her.

* * *

Diego and Justin spend at least another hour in the office before Bolan and Foundry arrive with their parents on toe. Luckily they seem more mad at the two men than they are at them. They are allowed to leave, but they don’t deserve any explanation apparently. Diego and his mother leave, but Lainie refuses to let any of this go, so she insist on having a word with Bolan, who surprisingly agrees.

Matt sits outside the office with Justin.

“ _Are you okay?”_ His father asks.

“ _I’m just completely lost. I’ve been seating in this office for hours and I have no idea what the hell happened. There was a riot?”_

“ _Yes, the students decided to rebel against the injustice Diego suffered.”_ Matt explains.

“ _By starting a riot?”_

“ _Things clearly got out of hand at some point.”_

Justin can see Matt is trying to avoid something.

“ _There was an explosion right? Where’s Clay?”_ He doesn’t understand why he’s not here with his parents.

“ _He’s waiting outside with some of your friends.”_

Justin relaxes a little bit, but for some reason he’s sure there’s something else going on.

“ _Is Jess with them?”_

When he sees Matt readjusting his position in his chair, he knows there’s something wrong.

“ _Where is she?”_ He asks again.

“ _You don’t need to worry, but Zach drove her to the hospital.”_

Matt sees the fear in his son’s eyes.

“ _She’s okay. She even argued about it with him apparently, but Zach insisted.”_

Justin doesn’t buy it. Why would he act like this if she really was okay?

“ _Can I go?”_ Justin asks.

“ _To the hospital?”_

“ _Just… out of here.”_

“ _You can join your friends outside, but I want you to wait for us to go anywhere else okay?”_

Justin nods and gets up.

“ _Justin. Promise me you’ll wait for us outside.”_

“ _Okay. I promise.”_ Justin answers, reluctantly.

* * *

Once he’s out of the building he’s surprised to see how different the parking lot looks after the riot. Luckily, it’s not hard to find his friends since they are the only people left, along with a few officers inspecting Bolan’s car with some firemen.

“ _What the fuck happened?”_ Justin asks them immediately.

“ _Are you okay?”_ Tyler asks him instead of answering his question.

“ _I’m okay. I spend the last few hours in Bolan’s office. You were the ones in a fucking riot apparently.”_ Justin responds, his voice full of anger. He looks at his brother, seated on the sidewalk, his head down between his legs.

“ _Clay. Are you okay?”_ He squats in front of him.

“ _I’m so sorry Justin.”_ Clay apologizes, looking up at him with tears in his eyes.

Justin looks at his friends, confused.

“ _Clay is the one who set the car on fire.”_ Tony explains.

Justin looks back at Clay, not understanding his action.

“ _Bolan had it coming and no one was hurt Clay.”_ Alex tries to comfort him.

“ _Jessica might be.”_ Clay let’s out, feeling guilty.

Justin doesn’t know what to say. He sits besides his brother in shock, still processing everything.

“ _She’s not. She’s fine Clay.”_ Alex reassures both brothers.

Justin looks up at him, wanting to ask more, but unable to find the words. Alex understands and explains.

“ _Zach over-reacted. She’s totally fine. Well, as fine as everyone else is considering we pretty much all got beat up by these officers. He drove her and Charlie to the hospital because he needed to make sure they were okay, but this was more to reassure himself than anything else.”_

The look on Justin’s face makes Alex realize that it doesn’t matter what he says so he takes out his phone.

“ _I’m calling Zach okay?”_ He offers.

Justin nods and looks back at his brother.

“ _Why the hell did you do that?”_

Clay shrugs.

“ _I don’t know. I’m not even sure it was really me.”_

Justin understands what it means and doesn’t want to discuss it now in front of everyone.

Alex hands his phone to Justin.

“ _It’s Jess.”_ He informs him.

Justin grabs it, gets up and walks a little further from the group.

> “ _Are you okay?”_
> 
> \- - -
> 
> “ _I promised Matt I wouldn’t leave, but I can ask them to drop me at the hospital once they’re done talking with Bolan.”_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _Come on Jess.”_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _Okay. I’ll see you at home then. Can you pass me Zach please?_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _Thank you dude. You better make sure she doesn’t leave before she sees a doctor now.”_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _Okay. Thanks.”_

He hangs up and gives Alex back his phone.

“ _Is she okay?”_ Clay asks.

“ _She hasn’t seen a doctor yet. There’s a lot of people in the ER.”_

“ _What about Charlie?”_ Tyler asks.

“ _Since he was unconscious for a bit, the doctors considered him a priority. He’s with them now.”_ Alex explains.

A police car parks next to them. Clay feels his anxiety coming back, but is relieved once he sees Bill. Alex opens the door and sits inside the car.

“ _Does anyone else need a ride?”_ Bill offers.

Tyler looks at Tony.

“ _I’ll get you home.”_ Tony informs him.

“ _All good, thank you.”_ Tyler responds Mr. Standall who drives away.

Tony and Tyler sit down next to Justin and Clay.

“ _You don’t have to wait with us. You can go.”_ Clay tells them, a little embarrassed.

“ _Knowing your mother, you could be here for a while.”_ Tony jokingly responds, but Justin sees he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving Clay after what happened.

“ _They’re shutting down the school.”_ Tyler suddenly says, reading something on his phone.

“ _Really?”_ Justin asks, realizing little by little the magnitude of what happened today.

“ _Yeah, they’ve send an email. The school is closed for the week.”_ Tyler informs them.

“ _Thank god.”_ Clay lets out, relieved he won’t have to show his face around here for another week. 


	162. Friend to the Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Xu Xu Fang – Friend to the Unknown

_Monday_

Justin and Clay have been send to the outhouse by their parents once they got home.

“ _I’m sure Bolan told them it was me who set his car on fire.”_

“ _How would he even know?”_

Clay shrugs.

“ _Lainie said she just wanted to explain to your dad what she talked about with Bolan and Foundry.”_ Justin tries to reassure him as they both sit on their bed, tired by this crazy day.

“ _I think you should tell them it was you.”_ Justin adds.

“ _How can I explain to them what happened when I don’t even understand it myself?”_

“ _Why don’t you start by telling me what happened?”_

“ _Okay… uhm… After the officers took you to the office, we wanted answers so we refused to go back to class until you two got released. Of course, Bolan refused, but we didn’t want to give up so we walked out of school.”_

“ _You really thought this was going to change anything?”_

“ _We hoped so. Once outside, we realized everyone walked out and to be quite honest I don’t think any of us had a plan.”_

“ _When did things got so fucked up?”_

“ _I’m pretty sure it started when the cops arrived. They wanted us to leave.”_

“ _We heard the sirens.”_ Justin remembers.

“ _Yeah, at that point it was either give up and leave or stay and fight basically.”_

“ _Fight against armed officers?”_ Justin points out the craziness of it.

“ _That’s what I told Jessica, but she refused to give up.”_

“ _So she’s the one who started it?”_

“ _Not really. She wanted us to stand our ground, I don’t think she wanted us to fight… at first.”_

Justin looks at his brother, confused.

“ _No one wanted to hear what we had to say. Not Bolan, not Foundry, clearly not the officers. We all felt like it was time to fight back against this and Jessica decided we should fight with what we had. Since they didn’t wanna hear our voices, they should at least feel our anger.”_

Justin sighs. As noble as their cause was, it was extremely dangerous.

“ _When we refused to leave, the officers marched towards us, armed and fully equipped with their shields and batons. All we had was our backpacks full of school supplies so we threw this at them. Books, notebooks, everything we could.”_

“ _I’m guessing you’re not the only one who fought back.”_

“ _No. The cops got more and more violent, just as we did. Before anyone realized, things got out of control.”_

“ _That’s when you set the car on fire?”_

“ _Not yet. I was standing in the crowd and all I could see was students getting beat up by officers. Some began to run away, terrified. In that moment I understood why Jess refused to give up. Their answer to violence was just more violence. I caught a glimpse of the megaphone Jessica used in the beginning to rally everyone and I decided to try to do the same. I got on top of a car and I asked them to stay and fight.”_

Justin scratches his head, wondering why the hell everyone lost their shit.

“ _It worked. People came back to fight, but the officers were completely enraged by the situation so they fought back even harder. Everywhere I looked, another student was getting hurt. All of the sudden I realized how unfair all of this was. Cops are here to protect us. Bolan and Foundry are here to protect us as well, but all they did was watch from the sideline. I got angry… so fucking angry. That’s all I can really remember until the sound of the explosion brought me back to myself.”_

“ _So you dissociated again?”_

“ _I think so. I don’t remember, but in the past, when I couldn’t remember, it was because I did so there’s a high chance that’s what happened.”_

“ _Did the others see you set it on fire or did you tell them?”_

Clay takes a deep breath before he answers.

“ _After the explosion, when I came back to my senses and realized what I’ve done, I had a panic attack. Tony and Tyler saw me and they brought me away from the crowd and calmed me down.”_

“ _Are you still taking your meds?”_

“ _I am, but it’s not like… making it impossible for me to dissociate. It just makes it less probable to happen. With all the cops around and the violence, my anxiety quickly rose and I think it lead to me dissociate.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Justin answers in a sigh.

“ _I have an appointment with Ellmann tonight. Maybe you should go instead of me.”_ He continues.

“ _Justin, I’m not crazy.”_

“ _And I’m not saying you are. It was just a crazy day and I think he could help you. If you don’t want to tell your folks about Bolan’s car, you can at least talk to him about it.”_

Clay nods, thankful Justin isn’t mad at him.

“ _Besides it’s not like I’m going anywhere until Jess gets out of the hospital. She’s supposed to meet me here once she does.”_ Justin explains.

“ _I really hope she’s okay.”_ Clay says.

“ _Do you think Zach really over-reacted?”_ Justin asks, still not trusting the fact she’s okay.

“ _I don’t know.”_ Clay answers in a shrug.

“ _Why would he drive her to the hospital if she’s fine?”_ Justin tries to understand.

“ _She seemed fine, but… she was really close to the explosion and like everyone else, she got caught up in the fights during the riot. She said she was okay, but she had a bloody nose and Zach took it as a sign there could be something wrong with her.”_

“ _Well, there could be. She’s about six months pregnant. She shouldn’t have been in there in the first place.”_ Justin is a little angry at her and at everyone else for letting her fight.

“ _I told her to leave when the cops marched towards us, but you know her.”_

Justin scoffs because Clay is probably right, there was no stopping her.

“ _I know, but couldn’t have someone like… stayed by her side and protected her?”_ Justin asks, knowing it’s not fair, but kinda mad at himself for not being there either.

“ _Zach stood by her at first, but she left his side when things derailed and when it did, no one could have protected her from this.”_

Lainie enters the room; interrupting them.

“ _Justin, you have your appointment to get to.”_ She informs him.

“ _If that’s okay with you, Clay is going instead of me tonight. I can take his next appointment.”_ Justin explains.

A smile forms on her lips.

“ _I figured you would avoid going and I actually think it’s a good idea. I know your day has been pretty stressful Clay.”_

Clay has to refrain from laughing as he gets up from his bed.

_Pretty stressful? How about terrorizing?_


	163. Start A Riot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : BANNERS – Start A Riot

_Monday_

Zach sends Justin and the group a couple of texts throughout the evening to let them know how things are going.

_Zach : Still waiting._

_Zach : A couple more people before Jessica’s turn._

_Zach : She should be next._

After this one, there’s no more update. Justin’s anxiety grows as the minutes fly without any more information. He tries to call Zach, but it goes straight to voicemail. He gets up from his bed and tries to call Jessica. Voicemail. He tries again. Voicemail again. His anxiety is through the roof when the door opens.

“ _Why don’t you answer your phone?”_ Justin asks Jessica in an angry tone when he sees her.

“ _It’s broken.”_ Jessica answers as she gets closer to him.

“ _Are you okay?”_

“ _I am. I’m fine.”_ She replies with a reassuring smile.

Justin sighs, relieved.

“ _Good. Then I don’t have to feel bad for yelling at you now.”_

Jessica looks at him, confused.

“ _Why the hell did you start a riot?”_

“ _I didn’t start a riot. I started a protest.”_

“ _That you should have ended the moment the cops threatened to use force.”_

“ _And what? Give up?”_

“ _No. Save yourself from getting hurt! Clay told you to leave and you should have listened to him. You can’t just get yourself in harm’s way like that.”_ Justin is yelling at this point, his worry taking the form of anger.

“ _Oh, okay. You wanna talk about throwing yourself in harm’s way? Why the hell were you fighting with Diego?”_

“ _You’re right, I shouldn’t have, but it’s not the same thing. You’re pregnant Jess! What if something happened to her?”_

“ _What if something happened to you!? I may be pregnant, but I’m not planing on having this baby on my own!”_

“ _There won’t be any baby if you keep acting like this!”_

“ _What the hell is that supposed to mean? You don’t think I care? You don’t think I want her to be okay?”_

“ _I don’t know. You get drunk, you stop eating, you lead a riot. It would have been easier just to go through with the abortion don’t you think?”_ Justin regrets having said that the moment the words left his mouth.

The words hit Jessica hard and for a second, she doesn’t answer, shocked by his statement.

“ _Zach told you?”_ She asks in a trembling voice. It’s the only explanation.

“ _Someone’s got to since you don’t.”_

“ _I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to know how bad it got.”_

“ _Yet you’re the one who said we shared shit so why don’t you?”_

“ _Why didn’t you?”_ She asks in a scoff.

“ _What are you talking about?”_ Justin is lost.

“ _The time you almost died in Clay’s bedroom.”_

“ _We weren’t together when it happened.”_

“ _You know it’s not the point.”_

“ _I’m just worried.”_ Justin explains. His tone defeated, not angry anymore.

“ _Welcome to my life. You know how much I’ve been worried about you in the past? Driving for hours looking for you after you left town, sitting in my bed wondering how you were doing in juvy, waiting for you while you were in rehab, questioning where you were and what you were doing anytime I didn’t know…”_ Jessica stops talking when she notices the smile on Justin’s face.

“ _What?”_ She asks him coldly, confused.

“ _We’re arguing because we’re worried about each other.”_

“ _And because we love each other.”_ She points out, a smile forming on her face as well.

“ _We’re really dumb.”_ Justin says in a chuckle that causes Jessica to laugh.

“ _If I promise to be extremely careful from now on, can you forgive me?”_ She asks him, getting closer.

“ _I’m sorry I ever suggested you got in this fight...”_ Justin gets cut off by Jessica shaking her head, indicating she doesn’t need to hear this again.

“ _Can you forgive me?”_ He asks.

“ _You know I already have.”_ She informs him with a smile.

“ _Then come here so I can hold you in my arms for a bit. I’ve been waiting all day to do that.”_ He suggests, as he takes her hand. She obliges and takes refuge in his arms. They stay like this a few seconds until Jessica takes a step back.

“ _I’m sorry… I...”_

Justin looks at her with concern. Did he go to far for things to go back to normal?

“ _Jess_.” Justin says with his signature puppy-dog eye-look.

“ _No, it’s just… I should sit down because I’m exhausted and hungry and I don’t want to pass out on your floor.”_ She informs him as she makes her way to sit on his bed.

Justin joins her, sits beside her and drops a kiss on her forehead.

“ _In that case I’m gonna run to the house and find you something to eat okay?”_ He offers as he begins to stand up.

“ _Wait.”_ She takes his arm, forces him to sit back down and gently places her lips on his.

“ _I’ve been waiting all day to do that.”_ She tells him before she kisses him again.

Justin looks at her with eyes full of love.He said a lot of stupid shit because he got worried more than he ever was before, probably even more afraid than he ever was, but looking into her eyes right now, all he feels is love. She has this power to look into his eyes and make everything else disappear.

“ _What do you say we take Clay’s offer to sleep in his old bedroom tonight? I could use a night alone with you.”_ Jessica suggests.

“ _Actually I don’t think it’s a good idea. I want to keep an eye on him tonight.”_ Justin explains as his smile falls.

“ _Is something wrong?”_

“ _I’ll explain when I get back okay?”_ Justin offers before he leaves the outhouse.


	164. Just Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Pearl Jam – Just Breathe

“ _Do you feel better?”_ Justin asks Jessica with concern as she finishes the plate he brought her.

“ _I do. Matt is an amazing cook.”_ Jessica answers, but she can see he’s still worried.

“ _Listen, the doctor said everything’s okay. We’re both fine. I might have a few bruises tomorrow, but that’s it.”_ She reassures him.

“ _Okay. I believe you. It’s just that things seemed pretty hardcore out here.”_

“ _It was. With all the yelling, you haven’t even told me how it was like for you.”_ She teases him.

“ _We spend the day in Bolan’s office. We figured things were going on, but we had no idea what exactly.”_

“ _You and Diego?”_

“ _Yeah.”_

“ _Why did you two fight?”_

“ _It’s not that hard to figure that out is it? He said something he shouldn’t have.”_

“ _About me?”_

“ _Sort of.”_

“ _You shouldn’t have let him get to your head.”_

“ _I know, but you can’t expect me to act like nothing happened. Not after what he did to you.”_

“ _Did Bolan ask why you were fighting?”_

“ _Not really. I think you created quite the distraction.”_ He teases her.

“ _It wasn’t just me. It was all of us. Including your brother. You’re gonna yell at him too?”_ She jokingly asks, but Justin doesn’t seem to find it funny.

“ _What’s going on with him? Is he okay?”_ She asks seriously.

“ _I don’t think so. He dissociated again during the riot and I think he feels guilty about it.”_

“ _Why should he feel guilty? It’s not like he’s making a choice when it happens. It just does.”_

“ _He’s the one who set the car on fire and he caused the explosion.”_

“ _It sucks for Bolan’s car, but it didn’t hurt anyone. The officers are the only ones who hurt us.”_

“ _He said you were pretty close to the explosion and he was really worried he may have hurt you.”_

“ _Well, he didn’t. He actually was an amazing friend today. He supported me and stood by my side.”_

“ _I didn’t think you would react this way. He was pretty rude to you these past few days and even if nothing happened, things could have gotten way more serious.”_

“ _Clay has been a pain in my ass for years, but he’s also one of my best-friend and he helped me a lot. It’s my turn to help him out. How about we watch a movie together when he comes back to take his mind off of today?”_

“ _I thought you wanted to spend some time alone with me?”_ He teases her as he gets up from his chair and places himself behind her.

“ _Well, we still have a little time before he comes back home.”_ Jessica seductively answers as she turns around on her chair.She gets up, takes his hand and invites him to sit on his bed. She sits on his lap and begins to kiss him with passion.

“ _Glad to see you’re okay.”_ Clay, who just entered the room, comments.

“ _Right on time.”_ Jessica answers playfully.

“ _It doesn’t feel like it.”_ Clay sarcastically says.

“ _Who knows what you would have seen if you entered the room five minutes from now?”_ She teases him as she gets up.

“ _No, but seriously. We just decided we would watch a movie together if you’re up for it.”_ She continues.

Clay feels a little embarrassed because it’s pretty clear Justin told her everything.

“ _Why not.”_ He answers as he makes his way to sit on the couch.

“ _Which movie did you have in mind?”_ He asks as they sit next to him.

“ _How about something funny_?” Justin suggests.

“ _I think you two got enough action for the day.”_ He adds jokingly.

“ _Can I borrow your phone to check if my parents tried to call me?”_ Jessica asks Justin who hands her his phone while arguing with Clay trying to find a movie.

She takes out the card from her phone, inserts it in Justin’s and waits for it to turn on while she enjoys seeing Justin and Clay act like the brothers they are.

“ _I thought you said you wanted a comedy!?”_ Clay says.

“ _I said I wanted something funny. Deadpool is funny.”_ Justin defends his choice.

“ _We’ve seen it. Can’t we just watch something new?”_

“ _That way we can sit back and relax.”_ Justin explains.

“ _No. I don’t want to watch that. We can find something funny without any fight scene.”_

“ _Okay, okay. Take the remote and find something else then.”_ Justin agrees.

Justin’s phone is now turned on again and Jessica begins to receive the texts and notifications she missed. Clay goes through the Netflix’s catalog for a couple minutes until he finds something he might like.

“ _No way! I don’t want to fall asleep watching this old movie.”_ Justin comments.

“ _It’s a classic.”_ Clay replies.

“ _Classic usually means boring.”_ Justin tells him.

“ _Fine. No action, no fight scene and nothing boring.”_ Clay says as he continues to search for a movie.

“ _We could use your help._ ” Justin tells Jessica who is focused on the phone she’s holding.

She looks up at him, clearly not having listened to his words.

“ _I said we could use your help choosing a movie.”_

“ _I know you could, but it wouldn't be as entertaining as watching the two of you choosing one.”_ She playfully answers before turning her focus back on the phone.

“ _How about a show?”_ Justin tries to help.

Clay wants to object since they already lost time trying to find a movie, but doesn’t because it’s actually a good idea.

“ _I’m sure we can agree on a show.”_ Clay decides to be open to the idea as he begins to look for one.

Justin turns to look at Jessica, still not paying attention.

“ _Did you miss a call from your parents?”_ He asks, wondering why she seems so out off it.

“ _No, I just have a few texts to reply to.”_ She reassures him before turning back to look at the phone’s screen.

> _Diego : I’m pretty sure I already know the answer, but can we talk?_
> 
> _Diego : Please._
> 
> _Diego : You don’t have to ignore me._
> 
> _Diego : Can you at least answer?_
> 
> _Diego : I really need to talk to you._
> 
> _Diego : Can we meet?_
> 
> _Diego : I promise I won’t hurt you._

When The Office theme song plays, she’s brought back to reality so she turns off the phone and gives it back to Justin.

“ _You chose well.”_ She tells the boys as she leans her head on Justin’s shoulder, trying to calm her breathing and hide how anxious she is. Justin places a gentle hand on her tight and she feels better. 


	165. Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Bravery – Believe

It’s been a few days and Jessica still hasn’t told Justin about Diego’s texts that he keeps sending her. At the end of the week, she decides to reply to him.

> _Jessica : I’ll meet you, but someplace public._
> 
> _Diego : Thank you. Can we meet today?_
> 
> _Jessica : Ok. Where?_
> 
> _Diego : Monet’s?_

Jessica thinks about it a few seconds before she answers. She doesn’t want anyone to see her with him, but at the same time she’s terrified of meeting him and she knows it will help to be at Monet’s since it’s one of the last few places in Evergreen where she feels safe. Most of her friends are grounded anyway because of the riot. Luckily for her, her parents live to far away to be able to ground her anymore.

> _Jessica : Ok. Meet me there at 4p.m._

She’s supposed to meet Alex there this afternoon too. At least she won’t have to drive there just for Diego. She feels dumb and weak for agreeing to meet him. If she’s already there when he arrives, it feels a little less pathetic in her mind.

She looks up from her new phone. Well, actually it’s her old one. She didn’t want to spend money on one and she wasn’t brave enough to ask her parents to giver her some. There’s only so much she can ask for them and since in a few weeks she’ll tell them the truth about Bryce, it’s probably better to keep pretending she’s not a total disappointment until then. They were informed by the school of her involvement in the riot, but thankfully they understood she didn’t mean things to go that way.

Clay is seated next to her, working on his laptop.

“ _How do you feel about going back to school on Monday?”_ She asks him.

“ _Not great. I’m gonna have to tell the truth to Bolan about his car.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _Because I’m going to tell my parents today and I’m pretty sure they won’t let this go.”_

“ _Your parents are great. I’ll doubt they’ll blame you for this.”_

“ _They probably won’t, but they are for sure going to force me to come clean.”_

Jessica nods. She got to know the Jensens pretty well lately and Clay’s right, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Coming clean might help him actually, but she knows Clay pretty well too and she won’t tell him that because the only thing she’ll gain is an eye-roll.

“ _I didn’t get a chance to say that before, but thank you for standing by my side that day.”_ She offers him.

Clay scoffs.

“ _I’m not sure it was worth it.”_

“ _We finally all came together to stop the bullshit they’ve been putting us through. I wouldn’t say it wasn’t worth it.”_

“ _Yeah, but what did it change?”_

“ _Your mom argued with Bolan about it no?”_

“ _Yes, but she gave up because he kept serving her the same bullshit he served us.”_

“ _He’s just following the laws. He’s just trying to protect us...”_

“ _Exactly. In the end it didn’t change a god-damn thing. Nothing ever changes.”_ Clay replies in a defeated tone.

Jessica gets up, ready to leave to meet Alex.

“ _Will you tell Justin I went to meet Alex at Monet’s when he gets back from therapy?”_

“ _I will and since I’m not allowed to leave the house… because I’m grounded… because I stood by you during the protest, can you bring me a coffee?”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _What makes you think I plan on coming back here today?”_

“ _Probably the fact you’ve been here everyday, all day, all week.”_ He teases her.

Jessica feels guilty. Maybe she’s been spending too much time here. Clay and Justin need some bro time too.

“ _I’ll bring you a coffee._ ” She tells him as she walks towards the door.

“ _And Clay.”_ She turns around to look at him.

“ _Nothing ever changes unless people keep fighting for it to change.”_

Clay offers her a sympathetic smile and she exits the outhouse.

* * *

“ _You’re late.”_ She tells Alex when he finally joins her at their famous table at Monet’s.

“ _I know, but unlike you, my parents do live with me and since I’m grounded I had to wait for both of them to be at work to be able to sneak-out unnoticed.”_ He explains as he sits down and looks at the drinks on the table.

“ _I ordered this for you. You’re lucky I chose a frapuccino.”_ She informs him, happy to have chosen a cold beverage.

“ _You’re treating me so well. Why do I feel there’s a bad news coming?”_

“ _It’s not a bad news, but definitely something you won’t like.”_

“ _Okay. Go on.”_ Alex answers in a perplexed tone.

“ _You remember how Winston tried to help me on Monday?”_

“ _I remember yes.”_

“ _He was also kinda nice to me in the past too. He helped me when I got a panic attack in the year-book room.”_

“ _Do you want me to dump Charlie to go out with him again as a way to thank him?”_ Alex asks jokingly.

“ _Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to Charlie.”_ She teases him.

“ _So?”_

“ _I think we should tell him the truth about Bryce.”_

“ _Are you crazy?”_ Alex didn’t expect that at all.

“ _Maybe. I don’t know, but it turns out he’s a pretty great guy and he said all he wanted was the truth.”_

“ _And you think he’ s not going to do anything about it once we tell him?”_

“ _He will, but if we’re going to confess anyway I don’t see the problem.”_

Alex thinks about it for a minute, sipping his drink. She actually made a good point.

“ _I’m not saying we tell him everything right now, but maybe we can tell him before we go to the cops.”_

“ _If we confess, we have a better chance than if someone else reports us.”_

“ _He just wants to clear Monty’s name. He doesn’t give a shit about Bryce. If we explain everything to him, he might agree to let us handle it our own way.”_

“ _Do you really believe that?”_

“ _You know him as well as I do. What do you think?”_

Alex takes another sip of his drink, thinking about Winston.

“ _Actually, if we tell him the truth, I don’t see why he wouldn’t let us confess. We have nothing to gain by telling him and he might respect us enough for being honest with him not to do anything about it.”_

“ _Wow. I really didn’t think you would agree.”_

Alex laughs.

“ _When do we do this then?”_ He asks her, since she apparently thought about it a lot.

“ _I don’t know. As soon as possible because I want to thank him for trying to protect me during the riot, but I can’t do that unless I come clean as well. I’m tired of lying and for once I don’t think it’s necessary anymore.”_

“ _There’s still a month until graduation. A lot can happen and change in four weeks. What if he decides we don’t deserve to graduate or even to go to prom anymore?”_

“ _Are you afraid he’ll think that, or is it something you think?”_ She asks him with a sad smile, knowing well how he feels.

“ _Isn’t it something you think?”_ Alex asks in a shrug.

“ _Winston had feelings for Monty. He’s fighting for him, even so he knows what he did to Tyler. I believe he’s able to see the good in people. I believe he might see the good in us too.”_

Alex nods, but doesn’t respond.

“ _And if he doesn’t, you can always try to sleep with him.”_ She adds jokingly.

“ _I won’t go that far, but I agree with you. We should tell him.”_

They keep talking for a while, mostly about Charlie and Justin. Jessica tries to end the conversation a couple times, knowing Diego is supposed to arrive soon. After half an hour Alex decides to use his temporary freedom to visit Charlie, convinced by Jess. When Alex leaves the coffee-house, Jessica lets out a deep breathe. On the list of the people she doesn’t want to know she’s meeting Diego here, Alex is probably pretty high, just behind Justin and Clay.

* * *

Unfortunately for her, after taking a few steps on the street, Alex sees Diego passing by him and entering the coffee. He keeps walking, not bothered by it… at first, until he realizes Jessica practically begged him to leave to join Charlie. He also remembers how upset she was when he showed up late, even if she acted like it wasn’t a big deal. It could have worked, if he didn’t know her that well. He turns around and returns in front of Monet’s. He watches inside from the sidewalk and his feeling was right: Jessica is now seated with Diego. 

> _What the hell is she doing with him?_


	166. Forgive me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Forgive me – Group 1 Crew

Diego sits at Jessica’s table, but after greeting her with an unusual shyness, he doesn’t say anything else. Jessica looks at him, waiting for him to say something. He wanted to meet her and she agreed, but she’s not going to make another effort.

“ _I… I talked to Bolan.”_ Diego finally begins to talk.

“ _So?”_ Jessica asks in a shrug.

“ _He told me about the email you send him.”_

“ _Can you please just get to the point?”_

“ _You explained to him that Justin and I fought because of you, that it was just a stupid fight between two boys over a girl and that neither of us should be punished for it. Thank you.”_

“ _I only did that for Justin. You realize that right?”_

“ _I figured, but… what about the rest? He read me parts of your email and I don’t see how this is helping Justin.”_

Jessica sighs before she explains why she send that email.

“ _The way this officer treated you was unfair. Same goes for Bolan or Foundry for that matter. I defended you because the situation asked for it. This has nothing to do with you.”_

“ _But it was me. I’m just thankful… you saw beyond… our differences.”_

“ _Our differences? Are you fucking serious?”_

“ _I know. I… I just wanted to thank you.”_

“ _There’s no need. I would have done the same thing for anyone else. What I always wanted was for Liberty to be a safer place for all of us.”_

“ _You wouldn’t be Mrs President otherwise.”_ Diego says with a small smile.

“ _Can you not? Can you stop acting like you didn’t try…”_ She lets her sentence fall flat.

“ _I’m really sorry for that.”_

Jessica scoffs.

“ _I am.”_ Diego defends himself.

“ _I don’t believe you. You had months to apologize. Why now?”_

“ _I guess when I heard the things you said to defend me in your email to Bolan, I realized I may have overacted at the party.”_

“ _Overreacted. Are you fucking kidding me? This was not an overreaction. This was sexual assault.”_

“ _I know.”_

“ _Do you? What about everything else? Threatening me, taunting me? The blood on my car, Bryce’s fucking tape you posted online?”_

“ _I was hurt and I was extremely drunk that night. I really had feelings for you and you were only using me. I saw you leave with Justin and... I had lost one of my best-friend not long before that. I knew he didn’t kill Bryce. When you were off doing whoever knows what with Foley, Winston confirmed Monty didn’t kill him and I lost it… I….”_

“ _You thought raping me would help you feel better?”_

“ _No! I didn’t think… I...”_

“ _Listen, Diego. You can keep your thank you.”_ Jessica tells him as she begins to get up to leave.

“ _Wait.”_ He grabs her arm to stop her.

She freezes immediately.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ He apologizes instantly, realizing he clearly made the wrong move.

Jessica shoots him the sharpest look she can.

“ _I’m really sorry.”_

“ _Diego.”_ She doesn’t want to hear it even so he seems genuine. She just wants to be as far from him as she can right now.

“ _Do you think you could ever forgive me?”_ He asks.

Jessica’s stare softens.

“ _I will… one day. I’m just not there yet.”_ She answers honestly.

“ _I promise you I’ll leave you alone from now on.”_

Jessica nods, thankful, but still too hurt to say it aloud and walks away.

* * *

“ _Hey.”_ Alex greets Justin when he enters the outhouse.

He thought about it a lot on his way here and he thinks he should talk to Justin about Jessica and Diego.

“ _Hey dude.”_

Alex awkwardly approaches him and sits across him at the table.

“ _I thought Jessica was with you.”_ Justin says, looking up from his homework.

“ _Actually, that’s the reason I’m here.”_

Justin closes his notebook and waits for him to continue.

“ _A few years ago I didn’t think I would come to you because I was afraid for Jess and wanted to protect her.”_ Alex comments.

“ _What did she do now?”_ Justin asks jokingly.

“ _I’m guessing you have no idea where she is right now?”_

“ _Hopefully not starting another riot.”_

“ _It might be even more stupid and dangerous than that.”_

Justin’s face is not showing anything else than worry now.

“ _She’s meeting Diego at Monet’s.”_ Alex lets out.

“ _So she wasn’t with you? She went there to see him?”_

“ _No, she did see me. We were there together, but when I left I saw Diego walk in and he sat at her table. It looked like she expected him.”_

Justin takes a few seconds to make sense of this when Clay enters the room.

“ _Hi Alex.”_

He walks up to the table and stands awkwardly at the end of it.

“ _Justin. The folks are home.”_ Clay informs him, hoping he remembers the plan.

“ _Just a minute.”_ Justin answers, not able to figure out what he should do.

“ _Are you going to do something about it?”_ Alex asks looking at the both of them, lost.

“ _Come on. I have to do this now or I’ll never do it. You said you would help me.”_ Clay pushes him.

“ _Okay. I’m coming.”_ Justin hates the timing of it all, but if Matt and Lainie are here, it’s not like he has the option to leave anyway. Besides, he promised Clay he would be here for him when he tells the truth to his parents. This is something he can do right now.

“ _You can stay here if you want.”_ Clay offers Alex, not wanting to kick him out.

“ _I can’t. My dad is going to be home soon.”_ Alex responds as Justin and Clay begins to walk away.

“ _Should I go back to Monet’s?”_ He asks Justin, wanting to act about this.

“ _Don’t. Just go home. I’ll talk to her later.”_ Justin says in a defeated tone.

Alex nods and exits the outhouse with both boys.

“ _Thanks for telling me.”_ Justin adds before they part ways.

“ _What was that about?”_ Clay asks him as they walk up the stairs leading to the house.

“ _Nothing important. Let’s focus on this for now.”_ Justin reassures him, patting his shoulder.


	167. More Than Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Extreme – More Than Words

When Clay and Justin enter the kitchen, Matt is starting dinner and Lainie is seated at the table, a glass of wine in hand, talking to her husband about her day.

“ _Can we talk to you?”_ Clay interrupts her.

“ _You don’t have to ask kiddo.”_ Matt answers as Lainie points to the chairs to invite them to sit down.

“ _I think you should sit too.”_ Clay tells his father.

Matt turns around and stares at them for a second, wondering if he should start freaking out before he takes a seat next to Justin.

“ _What is it honey?”_ Lainie gently asks Clay, having noticed Justin’s reassuring nod to him.

“ _During therapy Monday, Dr. Ellmann decided to change my medicine.”_

“ _Was there something wrong with it?”_ Matt asks.

“ _Maybe it wasn’t the right one for me. Maybe we just need to readjust the dosage.”_

“ _Okay, but it was working well wasn’t it?”_ Lainie tries to understand.

“ _I thought so.”_ Clay is a little bit ashamed to come clean. He looks at his brother, hoping to find some strength.

“ _During the riot on Monday, I dissociated again and...”_ He continues, but is cut off by Lainie.

“ _Have you been dissociating more than this one time?”_ She can’t help it, she’s too worried about her son to be patient.

“ _I don’t think so, but it’s possible.”_ Clay has been doubting himself since he was diagnosed. He’s terrified of what he could do without even knowing it, without even remembering it.

“ _I don’t always know or remember when it happens.”_ He tries to explain.

“ _But Monday you remembered?”_ Matt asks.

“ _Yes… When you arrived at the school, my friends told you I was a little shaken up by the whole thing. I was, but not just by the riot. Because of what I did during it.”_

He takes a deep breath before revealing the truth.

“ _I’m the one who set the principal’s car on fire.”_

Matt and Lainie open their mouth in shock.

“ _And you let me go to Bolan and complain and argue when you did something so reckless and dangerous?”_ Lainie blames him which causes Clay to look down, full of shame.

“ _He wasn’t himself. I know he feels bad about it.”_ Justin immediately defends him.

“ _I do. I really do.”_ Clay acknowledges as he looks back at his parents.

“ _I’m sorry Clay. I know you do.”_ Lainie apologizes.

“ _I’m happy you told us the truth, but the school is still investigating to find the responsible for this. They questioned Jessica and Charlie a couple times this week.”_ Matt informs them.

Justin and Clay are surprised, they didn’t know about this.

“ _Do they know it was you? Your friends?”_ Lainie asks.

“ _Uhm… yeah, they all know.”_ Clay responds.

“ _You’re lucky they lied to protect you, but I think you should come clean anyway.”_ Matt tells him.

“ _I know I have to, I just wanted to tell you about it first.”_ Clay agrees.

“ _Should he? I mean… no one was hurt and the year is almost over. What if he gets expelled?”_ Justin doesn’t want to see that happen.

“ _He won’t. I’m actually convinced now it was the right thing to argue with Bolan and Foundry. The way they handled this is not okay and… Honey, they are the one responsible for your safety during the day and their actions caused you to dissociate again when you’ve been doing better and better until that point.”_ Lainie doesn’t blame Clay anymore because she realizes he was a victim just as every other student was that day.

“ _Does this means you’re going to keep fighting with the school?”_ Clay asks, hopeful.

“ _I am. A lot of parents are fed up with everything that happened in there for the past couple years. I think it’s time we come together and fight for our children instead of accepting to follow Liberty’s horrible ideas to protect you.”_ Lainie responds.

“ _The surveillance.”_ Clay lets out in a whisper, realizing something.

“ _What?”_ Justin asks, not having come to the same realization.

“ _The surveillance. It wasn’t just at school was it?”_ Clay repeats, questioning his parents.

“ _Clay, we only followed what the school thought was the right thing to do. We didn’t mean any harm.”_ His father explains.

Clay scoffs.

“ _I can’t believe it. You have been reading our emails and following us. What else did you do?”_ He asks, angered by the situation.

“ _Wait. It’s true? Did you really do that?”_ Justin questions them. When Clay first brought up this idea, he was sure it was just his paranoia talking.

Matt and Lainie look down, it’s their turn to feel ashamed.

“ _We didn’t agree with it at first, but you boys were slipping away from us more and more. We wanted to protect you more than anything.”_ Matt tries to justify it.

“ _We are really sorry it came to this and I promise you we will never do this again. We just need to find a way to know what is going on in your lives.”_ Lainie explains.

“ _What about asking?”_ Clay retorts.

“ _We ask all the time! I think you known it got us nowhere.”_ Lainie wants him to understand her reasoning.

“ _That’s… fair. Maybe you could find a way to do this… with us and not against us.”_ Justin offers, trying to calm Clay and his mother.

“ _That’s a great idea. We would love that.”_ Matt replies.

“ _I think that’s what we should have done from the beginning. You too. Instead of going against the school, you should have come to us and we could have found a solution, together.”_ Lainie agrees.

“ _There’s… this Assemble on Monday. Bolan and Foundry want to address what happened on Monday. Maybe we can rally the students and you can rally the parents. Maybe together we can find a way to make our voices heard… without any violence.”_ Clay offers.

Matt and Lainie look proudly at their sons. As maddening as they can be, they are also incredibly smart and… just really great kids.

“ _I’m going to call Mr. Saint-George and we’ll talk about it.”_ Lainie offers.

Matt gets up, walking over to the fridge to resume his cooking. He’s like this. Once he feels he’s not needed anymore, he just goes on with his day. Lainie already opened her laptop to contact some parents. Once you hand her a problem, she needs to start working on solving it as soon as she can.

Clay and Justin look at their parent. They are so different, but just so perfect for each other. The brothers share a look and Justin nods towards the exit. In a way he’s a lot like Matt. He came to support Clay during the talk and now that the talk is over, he feels like he can go back to his activity. Clay nods and gets up to follow him towards the house, taking out his phone to text his friends, letting them know about their plan. He’s just like his mother, not able to let things go until they’re solved or at least organized. What a perfect family these four make. Balancing each other, supporting each other, understanding each other and most of all, loving each other above all else.


	168. The Devil's Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Angus and Julia Stone – The Devils Tears

When Jessica arrived at the Jensen’s after leaving Monet’s, she expected to find Justin and Clay in the outhouse, but she didn’t. She knew they would probably be inside the house, but she couldn’t bring herself to go look for them. Instead, she decided to pace around, trying to find how she could explain to Justin where she was and why she didn’t tell him sooner. She didn’t want to lie to him and a part of her is relieved she’s going to come clean as soon as he comes back, but the other part is afraid it’s only going to hurt him.

> _What if he doesn’t understand?_
> 
> _What if it doesn’t make any sense?_
> 
> _What if he gets jealous, thinking I could actually be seeing Diego behind his back?_
> 
> _That’s nonsense. Of course Justin is going to be understanding. Damn, this makes it even worse._
> 
> _Why did I lie if I knew he would understand?_
> 
> _I keep letting him down._

The door opens and takes her out of her spiraling.

“ _I got your coffee.”_ She tells Clay with a smile, trying to hide how anxious she is.

If Clay is with them, she doesn’t have to tell Justin right way. Maybe this gives her a little time to find the correct words to explain why it happened.

“ _Can you leave us alone for a moment?”_ Justin asks Clay who grabs the cup Jessica is handing him and exits the outhouse.

“ _Oh. Do you have something fun in mind?”_ She asks him suggestively, trying to dissolve the tension she feels both in the room and inside her own head.

“ _Not really.”_ Justin coldly replies as he sits on his bed.

Jessica walks over to Clay’s bed and sits on it.

Suddenly she remembers the last time they sat like this, facing each other. The night Justin came back from rehab. That night, she had something important to tell him too, but he broke up with her before she had a chance.

> _It can’t be happening again right?_

She’s too emotional right now after the day she had and the memories that came back to haunt her to say a word.

“ _How’s Diego?”_ He casually asks her. He hates how petty it is, but he’s too angry to contain it.

Jessica doesn’t respond. This is the worst scenario possible ; Justin finding out before she had a chance to explain it to him.

“ _Why where you with him?”_

“ _He… he’s been texting me since Monday. He wanted to see me. I ignored him until today.”_

“ _Why wasn’t I aware of this? It seems like a big deal Jess.”_

“ _Because I was planning on ignoring him.”_

“ _Why didn’t you?”_

“ _Because he didn’t stop. I figured it was really important so I agreed to meet him today.”_

“ _Okay. I can understand that, but once you decided to actually go see him, you should have told me.”_

“ _I know… I...”_

“ _Why didn’t you tell me?”_

“ _Because I knew you wouldn’t have agreed to let me go.”_

“ _I know there’s no stopping you. I wouldn’t have, but at least I could have come with you.”_

“ _Which isn’t something I wanted either.”_

“ _Why? You really felt more comfortable being there alone with him?”_

“ _I wasn’t alone. We were at Monet’s. There was a lot of people around.”_

“ _Do you not trust me to protect you from him?”_ Justin asks, hurt.

“ _Of course I do Justin, but I wanted to do this alone. I knew you wouldn’t agree with me going or tried to come along or...”_

“ _Or what?”_

“ _Or made me realize what a stupid idea it was.”_

“ _What happened? Did he say or do anything?”_ Justin gets worried.

“ _No. It was weird. He actually thanked me and apologized.”_

“ _Thanked you? What for?”_

“ _For the email I send to Bolan.”_

“ _This fucking dick. He really think you did that for him? You only did that because you’re a good person. A way better person than he is.”_ Justin gets up and begins to pace around.

“ _I explained it to him. After that, like I said, he apologized for everything and told me he hoped I would eventually forgive him.”_

“ _You can’t believe that.”_

“ _He seemed genuine.”_

“ _Please tell me you’re not actually considering forgiving him!?”_

“ _I told him I haven’t forgave him yet, but…”_

“ _Jess.”_ Justin doesn’t buy his apology, not after everything he did.

“ _One day I will. I hope I will.”_

“ _You hope you will? Like, forgiving him is really something that important for you?”_

“ _It is.”_

“ _Are you kidding me? If it wasn’t for Zach he would have raped you at that party Jess! That guy doesn’t deserve your forgiveness.”_

“ _I’m not saying he does, but...”_

“ _He almost ruined your life!”_ Justin cuts her off, refusing to believe she could do that for him.

“ _So did Bryce!”_ Jessica raises her voice to match Justin’s tone.

“ _And Bryce did rape me, but he didn’t ruin my life. If it wasn’t for him, maybe we wouldn’t even be together. Zach told me how he forced your hand that summer and… he apologized to me and… he begged me for forgiveness. I didn’t give that to him and now he’s gone. I’ll never get the chance to do it. I’ll never get closure just like he never did.”_

Justin sits back down on his bed, realizing this has nothing to do with Diego.

“ _This is my chance to change things.”_ Jessica finishes her explanation.

She’s finally able to meet Justin’s stare and breaks down in tears.

“ _I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you the truth okay? Please tell me I can fix this, that I didn’t let you down one to many time and that you’re not going to break up with me now.”_

Justin looks at her with hurt.

“ _After everything, how can you still doubt I’ll be by your side forever?”_ Justin tells her in a trembling voice accompanied by a reassuring smile.

“ _Last time we sat like this you broke my heart more than ever before.”_ She lets out, looking at the ground, ashamed to reveal how much it still scares her to think it might happen again.

“ _I’ve broken your heart way too many times.”_ Justin comments, hating to see her that hurt because of him.

Jessica nods while wiping her tears.

“ _Pretty ironic since you’re the only one able to fix it.”_ She admits, her voice almost broken by the yelling and crying.

“ _In that case...”_ Justin joins her on Clay’s bed.

“… _let me fix it.”_ He adds, wrapping his arms around her.

“ _I’m so sorry.”_ She tells him in a whisper as she leans against him.

“ _I don’t deserve you.”_ She continues, whispering against his chest.

“ _No. You don’t. You deserve way better.”_ He jokingly replies as he gently caresses her back.

“ _I’m serious.”_ Jessica tells him, wiping away a tear from her cheek and moving away a little from his embrace to look directly at him.

“ _I love you Justin and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. You became the most perfect boyfriend there is.”_

“ _I had a long way to go.”_ Justin has a hard time to accept the compliment.

“ _But you did it. Not many people would have put on so much work and made so many efforts to become a better person.”_

“ _Do you really believe I’m a better person?”_

“ _The best I know.”_ She answers with a smile as she gets up to pick up the Christmas gift she gave him a couple months ago from his shelf.

“ _You know you can believe me, because I wasn’t the biggest fan of you when I gave you this, but I still believed every word in that letter.”_ She offers as she hands him the framed picture.

“ _Now I guess it’s my turn to make some efforts to become the person you deserve to be with.”_ She adds as she sits back beside him.

“ _You see that smile?”_ Justin asks her, pointing at his own smile in the picture.

“ _Who wouldn’t see that damn smile?”_ Jessica playfully replies.

“ _You did that. In your letter you wrote how this makes you think of how much you love me. You wanna know how much I love you? Just look at the way you make me feel. Everytime you look at my smile, know there wouldn’t be one on my face if it wasn’t for you.”_

Jessica looks tenderly at the picture, at Justin’s smile, before she looks up at him and sees the same beautiful smile on his lips.

“ _Oh my god.”_ She lets out in a giggle as she brings her hand to her stomach.

Justin looks at her, confused.

She takes his hand and places it on her belly.

“ _You feel that?”_ She asks him with tears in her yes.

Justin nods, moved, feeling his daughter moving under his hand.

“ _I think your daughter loves your stupid smile as much as I do.”_

Justin looks up at her, places his free hand on her cheek and brings his face closer to hers until they exchange a sweet and loving kiss.

“ _I promise you I’ll never hide anything from you from now on. I want to share everything with you. Especially moments like this.”_ She says to him as she places her hand on top of his again.

Justin’s phone rings and he takes it out of his pocket. He’s surprised to see that Clay is calling him.

> “ _Hey. Where are you?”_
> 
> _\- - -_
> 
> “ _You could have come here to tell us.”_ He says in a laugh.
> 
> \- - -
> 
> “ _We are using your bed right now, but just to talk, I promise.”_
> 
> \- - -
> 
> “ _Oh my god.”_

Justin hangs up.

“ _Dinner is up and of course, you are invited.”_ He informs Jessica.

“ _Okay. Let’s go then.”_

“ _Or… we could have some fun while they are all busy inside.”_ Justin suggests.

“ _It’s killing me to say no to that, but… we have the rest of our lives to make out. In a few months, we won’t be able to have family dinners like this everyday.”_

“ _You’re just saying that because you’re starving right?”_

“ _Maybe a little, but trust me, you better watch out, because next time we have the place for ourselves, I probably won’t behave.”_ She responds seductively.

“ _I’m more than ready for it, but if we really want to be alone, there’s always your house.”_ Justin suggests.

“ _If only you weren’t grounded and living with two… well, three_ _very attentive parents.”_ She comments jokingly as she gets up to join them for dinner, followed by a laughing Justin.


	169. The Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Josh Canova – The Wish

“ _I’m not going to do that!”_ Jessica argues with Clay as they come back to the outhouse after dinner, followed by an annoyed Justin.

“ _You’re the one who started it!”_ Clay retorts.

“ _Yeah and look what happened!”_

“ _This is different. This time we’ll have our parents on our side.”_ Clay explains.

“ _Great, then you don’t need me.”_ Jessica shrugs.

“ _Really? After I stood by you through it all?”_

“ _I’m not saying I won’t support you. I’m just saying I don’t want to be the one that rallies everyone.”_

“ _So you’re giving up?”_

“ _I’m not… I… I have to pee.”_ Jessica chooses to end the discussion before she leaves to the bathroom.

Clay shakes his head, disappointed and looks over at Justin who didn’t say a word.

“ _And of course you’re on her side.”_ He tells him.

“ _I’m not on her side! I actually think she’s the best person to do this.”_ Justin defends himself.

“ _But?”_ Clay knows there’s a reason he decided to stay quiet.

“ _But she’s pregnant Clay! There’s a lot going on and maybe her choosing to take a step back is not a bad idea. She needs to rest.”_

“ _That’s unbelievable! I just want things to change. She wanted it too, but suddenly it’s too much for her? I’m not asking for much!”_

“ _I know you’re not, but it’s still a lot of pressure she doesn’t need on her shoulders right now.”_

“ _Will you calm down? There’s no reason to fight about this.”_ Jessica intervenes when she comes back to the room.

“ _Nothing ever changes unless people keep fighting for it to change right?”_ Clay tells her, using her words against her.

“ _Okay, I get it. I’m happy to help, but I’m not the president anymore, Charlie is. If you want someone to rally us all, go to him.”_ She explains as she sits at the table.

Clay sighs. He knows he won’t get anything more from her.

“ _Call him.”_ Jessica pushes him.

“ _Right now?”_ Clay asks.

“ _Yeah, we can discuss all of it.”_

Justin brings Clay’s laptop to the table.

“ _Let’s call him.”_ He offers.

Clay opens a tab and calls Charlie. After a few seconds, Charlie’s face appears on the screen.

“ _Hey guys!”_

“ _Hey!”_ The three of them responds.

“ _I’m guessing you wanna talk about the Assemble?”_ Charlie asks. He read Clay’s text earlier and he knows he wants to do something about it.

“ _Yeah, what did Bolan told you exactly?”_ Clay asks.

“ _He wants to gather everyone, students and parents, to explain what happened. I don’t know much actually.”_ Charlie doesn’t seem comfortable.

“ _I can’t believe it. He asked you to apologize right?”_ Jessica remembers too well Bolan’s ways.

“ _He did. He thinks I should apologize in the name of everyone and that our parents will be pleased to see us take some responsibilities for our actions.”_

“ _What about his actions? He is going to take responsibility?”_ Justin asks.

“ _The officer has been fired and I know he took some others measures, but he wants to announce them during the Assemble.”_

“ _So we can’t prepare to fight his ideas beforehand if we don’t like them.”_ Jessica comments.

“ _Uhm… maybe. I haven’t even thought of that.”_ Charlie admits.

“ _My dad told me your mom emailed him. I think they’re going to meet tomorrow.”_ He continues.

“ _Yeah, she invited a lot of parents. I think they are really going to help us.”_ Clay answers.

“ _They’ll meet at the house. Why don’t you come along too and we could discuss it together in person?”_ Justin offers, hoping the call would end and they could spend one night without having to work on another problem. He mentionned Jess needed rest, but so does Clay.

“ _That’s probably a good idea. I could use some help from you with my speech Jess.”_ Charlie tells her.

“ _Yeah, sure.”_ She answers with a smile, but Justin can see she’s not happy about it.

“ _We can’t do this on our own. We need everyone.”_ Clay comments.

“ _I don’t think we can invite everyone from school here.”_ Justin says before Clay can suggest it.

“ _My house is free. You can email everyone and let them know we can meet there tomorrow to prepare for the Assemble.”_ Jessica offers.

She doesn’t want to take the lead anymore, but she’s happy to help even so she hoped her last few weeks at Liberty would be less complicated.

“ _Really? That’s great. Thanks.”_ Charlie is glad she offered it.

“ _Many of us are still grounded.”_ Clay reminds her.

“ _Maybe we can ask Lainie to email the parents to let them know about this or… Cookies, maybe your dad can help?”_ Jessica tries to find a solution.

“ _I’m sure he will. Just tell me when you want to do this and I’ll ask him.”_

“ _I will.”_

“ _See you tomorrow then!”_ Charlie waves goodbye.

“ _Bye.”_ The three of them responds.

“ _I have therapy tomorrow afternoon.”_ Clay informs her.

“ _And I have practice with Zach.”_ Justin adds.

“ _We could do that a little later in the day then. That way Charlie and I can be here with the parents when they meet and we can act based on their ideas.”_ She offers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty boring and there's not much happening BUT I'm not sure you're ready for what's to come. I'm sure you'll enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it.   
> This chapter is pretty short but the two next (at least) won't, so don't hate me for this ahah   
> Get ready for a lot of interactions between a lot of characters.   
> Little teaser : If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.


	170. How we operate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Gomez – How we operate

“ _That went pretty well.”_ Charlie comments as he leaves the Jensen’s house with Jessica after their meeting with the parents the next day.

“ _It sure did. I didn’t think this many parents would show up.”_ She agrees as she enters his car.

* * *

They are now driving towards her house.

“ _I hope students will show up too. It doesn’t matter if we don’t all agree on this.”_ She tells Charlie.

Charlie nods. He agrees with her, but he knows students are coming, he’s just a little scare to inform Jess about why exactly they are.

* * *

They arrive at Jessica’s a little early so she decides to set up a table with some food and drinks for everyone. Charlie looks at her awkwardly.

“ _Are you okay?”_ She asks him, noticing it.

“ _Yeah, sure.”_

“ _How many responses did you get?”_ She wonders how many people they are expecting.

“ _Kind of a lot actually.”_

“ _Really? You just emailed the seniors right?”_

“ _I did, but who knows who they emailed or texted or...”_

“ _Maybe it’s for the best. There’s no reason we should be making all the decisions when you guys are going to suffer the consequences as well.”_

“ _Right.”_ Charlie answers with a smile as the doorbell rings.

Jessica leaves the room to open it.

She comes back with Tony, Zach, Tyler and Alex.

Before they get a chance to talk, the doorbell rings again.

As Jessica leaves, Alex gets closer to Charlie.

“ _Did you tell her?”_ He whispers to him.

“ _I was kinda hoping you could.”_ Charlie responds.

“ _Tell her what?”_ Zach asks without any shame for listening to them.

A few teenagers enter the room, followed by Jess. The doorbell rings again.

“ _Okay, this is going to make me nuts. Do you mind getting it?”_ She asks Zach who nods before he pulls Alex by the arm, inviting him to go with him.

* * *

Alex and Zach let a few students inside and decide to stay outside Jessica’s front-door until everyone gets here.

“ _What’s happening?”_ Zach asks Alex, seeing how tense he is.

“ _Maybe it’s nothing, but there is a chance Charlie’s word got twisted and people are actually expecting a party.”_

“ _The email was pretty clear.”_

“ _It was, but the word got out that we have the house to ourselves and it’s Saturday and…”_

“ _And Jess has no idea?”_

“ _Charlie was supposed to tell her, but for some reason he’s still a little terrified of her.”_

“ _What are we supposed to do now?”_

“ _We should tell her right?”_ Alex asks.

“ _Maybe not. We can just wait and see how things go. For now, it seems people are here for a serious meeting.”_

“ _So… begin to freak out when we see a keg?”_

Zach nods as he smiles at a group of teenagers arriving to the door.

“ _Welcome to the very serious meeting taking place in a few minutes in the living room.”_ He invites them to enter as he opens the door for them.

* * *

Jessica and Charlie are standing in the middle of the room, students all around them, waiting for the meeting to start. Alex and Zach come back to the room.

“ _I think everyone’s here.”_ Alex informs them, relieved this is really just a meeting after all. He chuckles as he sees how relieved Charlie looks too, wiping his sweaty forehead with his hand.

“ _Like we were saying, our parents met earlier today as well and we came up with a plan together.”_ Charlie explains.

“ _But we refused to agree to anything until we had your opinion on it as well. We really hope you will because we think it’s the best option for all of us.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _As you all know, there is an assemble on Monday. During this Assemble, Bolan is going to announce the measures he’s taken after this week’s protest. I’m supposed to give a speech as well and if we want to make our voices heard, this is the moment we can use to do so. Like Jessica did really well last semester.”_ Charlie begins to present the plan.

“ _We need to acknowledged our mistakes and learn from them. We can’t use violence.”_ She explains.

“ _I’m going to ask Bolan to speak before he announces his measures.”_ Charlies tells them.

“ _But what if we don’t agree with his measures? If you speak before him, don’t we loose all power?”_ A student asks.

“ _That’s part two of our plan.”_ Jessica answers him.

“ _Part one is doing our speech. And yes, I’m saying our because I wrote it with Jessica and our parents. I’m going to read it to you and I’ll be happy to change it if you think we should. This speech is meant to meet the school halfway, show them that we know we didn’t do things like we should have.”_

“ _So we’re taking all the blame?”_ A cheerleader asks.

“ _We take the blame, but we take this opportunity to explain why we acted the way we did and this is when we can use our voice and point out the problems of the school.”_ Charlie answers.

“ _After that, he won’t have a choice, but to respond. To explain their choices and take the blame as well.”_ Jessica adds, looking at more students entering the room.

“ _What if he doesn’t?”_ Tyler asks.

“ _If he doesn’t, our parents are going to step in with a speech of their own.”_ Charlies informs them.

“ _If he does, he’s then going to announce his measures. If we’re happy with it, it ends there.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _If not?”_ Tony asks.

“ _If not, we’ll stand up to him, without any violence and our parents by our side.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _What does it mean exactly?”_ Alex asks.

“ _We will literally stand up. Our parents will too. This time we won’t go anywhere, we won’t walk out. We’ll stand up in this gym, all of us and we won’t leave until our voices are heard.”_ Charlie explains.

“ _This time they can’t make us leave. They’ll have no other choice than to listen. We won’t leave until we find a way to work together again, instead of against each other.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _What we need to do now is agree on the speech and the measures that should be taken.”_ Charlie continues.

“ _I’m going to make some copies of the speech so you can all read it.”_ Jessica informs them before she leaves the room, surprised by the number of people who showed up.

* * *

The teenagers start to talk between them about the plan, what they want, what they think, what they expect. Charlie approaches his friends.

“ _This was really hot.”_ Alex jokingly tells him before placing a kiss on his lips.

Students keep coming through the door.

“ _You might have to go through this again. We have some late arrivals.”_ Tony informs him, pointing at the many students that keep entering the room.

“ _I doubt they are interested in the plan.”_ Zach comments, noticing the bottles in their hands.

He exchanges a worried look with Alex.

“ _I’m going to tell her.”_ Alex says as he begins to leave.


	171. We Are Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : We Are Young - Fun

Jessica is in her dad’s office on the first floor, making copies of the speech when Alex enters the room.

“ _It’s pretty nice to see you two work together that well.”_ He tells her.

“ _You’re not asking for a threesome are you?”_ She jokingly responds.

“ _Jeez, that’s disgusting.”_ Alex says, his face clearly showing how little this actually interests him.

Jessica chuckles.

“ _We do make a good team. I’m sure this could be fun.”_ She teases him.

“ _Okay, those hormones are clearly making you say things you’ll regret one day.”_ Alex comments.

“ _You know I only have eyes for Justin and… a lot more than eyes...”_ She begins, but Alex cuts her off.

“ _Ew! First of all, please stop talking. Second of all, I really hope you’ll remember what a great team you make with Charlie when I tell you this.”_

Jessica looks at him, her smile disappearing.

“ _He was supposed to tell you this earlier, but… The word is going around that there’s a party happening in here after the meeting.”_

“ _Where did you hear that?”_

Music starts playing downstairs.

Jessica exchanges a worried look with Alex.

“ _Surprise!”_ He tries to joke.

“ _Move!”_ She tells him as she pushes him out of her way to go back downstairs.

Alex follows her.

“ _What the hell is that?”_ Jessica asks the football players that are carrying a keg inside her house.

“ _A keg.”_ Luke answers her in a shrug.

“ _I’m trying to tell them they can’t bring this here!”_ Zach explains, clearly standing in their way.

Jessica joins his side to stop them.

“ _This isn’t a party!”_ Jessica tells them.

“ _Not if you stop us.”_ Beecher responds casually.

The music stops in the living-room.

“ _Come on guys, we’re just trying to come together to make a change here.”_ Charlie, who just arrived by their side explains.

The guys begin to argue, speaking over each other. Jessica can hear Tony arguing with other students in the living-room, probably about the music.

“ _Okay, okay!”_ Jessica yells to shut up the boys.

Everyone in the entrance looks at her.

“ _One condition.”_ She tells the football-players.

Alex and Zach looks at her like she lost her mind.

“ _We party while still working on the plan.”_ Jessica says.

“ _We’re good with that.”_ Luke answers.

“ _Great. Then Charlie is going to explain what you missed while you guys install the keg.”_ Jessica offers.

“ _Uhm… sure.”_ Charlie agrees and invites them to follow him.

“ _Is that a joke?”_ Zach asks Jess.

“ _I think this baby is clearly making you insane.”_ Alex adds, getting down from the steps he was standing on.

“ _The whole point was to come together. There’s no better way to do that than with a party after all.”_ Jessica says in a shrug.

“ _Are you sure about this? Tony and I can still throw their asses out.”_ Zach says.

“ _I’m sure._ ” She says as she enters the living-room.

Zach and Alex exchange another worried look. Alex raises his arms in the air, indicating he doesn’t understand.

“ _I’m going to keep printing the speech we were supposed to work on.”_ He sarcastically explains as he makes his way upstairs again.

“ _Everyone!”_ Jessica asks for everyone’s attention when she enters the living-room. She steps on her coffee-table so everyone can see and hear her.

“ _I know some of you came here for a serious meeting and that others are only here to party. I think we should do both. There’s no reason we shouldn’t have fun while coming up with a plan. If you’re talking with someone that wasn’t there for the meeting, make sure they know about the plan. I’m going to give you copies of the speech. Please read it, discuss it and leave your remarks on the back of the sheet. Write down the measures you want Bolan to take as well. I’ll go through all of it with Charlie tomorrow and Monday you can be sure Liberty is going to hear our voices! Let’s put on some music!”_ Everyone cheers. She looks at Tony and gives him a sign to play some music, which he does.

Tyler extends his hand to help her down.

“ _What can I do to help?”_ He asks her.

“ _Just have some fun Tyler.”_ She tells him with a sympathetic smile before she makes her way towards the stairs again.

“ _I have the copies you wanted.”_ Alex informs her as he arrives at the last steps.

“ _I’ll pass them around.”_ Zach takes the sheets from Alex and makes his way through what is now a crowd of teenagers.

Jessica sits at the bottom of the stairs.

“ _Justin is going to kill me.”_ She says in a chuckle.

Alex sits beside her.

“ _Why did you just go with it?”_

“ _You remember my last party here?”_

Alex rolls his eyes.

_What a stupid question. Everyone does thanks to Hannah._

“ _It was the first party of junior year. Who knows, this might be the last party of our senior year. It’s for sure going to be my last party here since my parents are selling the house soon. It would be nice to have one last memory of the place and what’s better than the party that brought us all together to stand up for ourselves?”_ She explains.

“ _I hate the fact you’re making a lot of sense.”_ Alex responds with a smile he can’t contain.

“ _We just have to make sure no one forgets the reason we’re here.”_ She adds.

“ _Oh I’m sure you won’t let this happen.”_ He responds in a chuckle.

“ _I’m sure Justin is going to understand once you explain this to him. Where is he by the way?”_ He adds, more seriously.

“ _He told me he had practice with…”_ Her eyes land on Zach in the crowd.

“ _Damn it.”_ She realizes Justin lied about having practice with Zach.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ Alex asks her when he sees her getting up in a hurry.

“ _Nothing. Just try to have fun okay?”_ She tells him before leaving his side.

When she enters the living-room, she sees people chatting and laughing. Some have a drink in their hand, but others are seriously reading the speech Zach just handed them. Surprisingly, even Luke and Beecher seems to be discussing it with Charlie. The later looks at her and nods with a smile. After all, having this party right now is maybe the best idea she had for their plan to work. There’s no way some of these students would be here for the sake of a meeting, but they came for a party and they are now going to be part of it as well. She reaches Zach and grabs his arm to have his attention.

“ _Do you know where Justin is?”_

“ _He’s not here yet?”_

“ _Clearly not or I wouldn’t be asking.”_

“ _I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”_ Zach reassures her, but avoids the question as he keeps walking through the crowd, handing off copies of the speech.

“ _Do you know where he is?”_

Zach ignores her.

“ _Clay’s not here either. Is something wrong?”_ She continues.

“ _I’m sure everything’s fine.”_ He responds casually. A little too casually.

“ _Zach!”_ She takes his arm to stop him.

He turns around to look at her and he doesn’t look as reassuring as he sounds.

“ _Where is he?”_

“ _I promised I wouldn’t tell and I’m not going to break this promise. If you want answers you should call him.”_

“ _Should I get worried?”_ She asks.

“ _This isn’t you worried face?”_ He teases her.

She doesn’t appreciate the joke.

“ _Just call him then.”_ He tells her as he awkwardly pats her shoulder and resumes handing out the speech.

Jessica sighs and makes her way towards the exit as she takes out her phone to call Justin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys ready to party?


	172. Reverse Of Shade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Reverse Of Shade - The Windupdeads

Jessica exits her house, her phone against her ear, trying to call Justin when she sees him and Clay arriving on the sidewalk.

“ _Where the hell were you?”_ She asks them as she makes her way to meet them on the lawn.

“ _We had to park further because of all the cars.”_ Clay responds.

“ _I doubt it took you an hour to walk here from your car.”_ She points out.

Justin shares a look with Clay and gives him a sign to leave the two of them alone when they hear people cheering from inside.

“ _You’re welcome to join the party.”_ Jessica tells Clay.

Clay looks at her weirdly, but leaves their side to enter the house.

“ _The party?”_ Justin asks her, confused.

“ _Yeah, I’ll explain once you tell me where you were since clearly you weren’t at practice with Zach.”_

“ _I had a doctor appointment. I didn’t want you to worry you.”_

“ _So you lied to me?”_

“ _I didn’t think we would be late.”_

“ _I’m not upset you’re late Justin. I’m upset you didn’t tell me about this.”_

“ _I know, but you have so much on your plate right now and I didn’t want you to stress out about this. I also knew you would have come with me if I told you and Charlie needed you.”_

“ _I get it and after everything I kept from you lately it would be pretty hypocritical from me to be mad at you. Are you okay? Is anything wrong?”_

“ _I’m fine. It was a simple check-up.”_

“ _You’re sure?”_

“ _I’m sure. I’m fine Jess.”_ He says with a smile as he brings her in his arms to reassure her.

She takes a step back, takes his hand and invites him to follow her inside.

“ _Then there’s one more reason to party.”_ She comments, happy things are going well after all.

“ _Are there other reasons?”_ He asks jokingly when they enter the living-room.

* * *

They join Alex and Clay who are talking in the living-room. When they arrive by their side, Alex is explaining to Clay what they missed. Clay doesn’t seem happy about it.

“ _I’m sure Jessica’s explanations would make more sense.”_ Alex points at her.

“ _I would be happy to hear it too.”_ Justin comments.

“ _It’s not that complicated. We’re still high-school seniors. Why not have a party if we have a house without any parents?”_ She explains.

Alex sees she’s avoiding bringing up her last party here because she’s not the only one still haunted by these memories. She avoids mentioning it to spare Justin’s and Clay’s feelings.

“ _I’m sure a lot of people are happy about this, but what about the plan?”_ Clay asks.

“ _We talked about it before it turned into this and we’re still working on it, just with some music and drinks.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _Great. So you don’t need me here for this.”_ Clay says as he grabs a copy of the speech from the table.

“ _I’ll text you my comments.”_ He adds, ready to leave.

“ _You’re leaving?”_ Alex asks, a little surprised by his attitude.

Clay nods.

“ _I can come with you.”_ Justin offers. Maybe there’s too many people here and his anxiety is coming back. Maybe all of this is about Hannah. It doesn’t matter, he wants to be here for him.

“ _No. You stay and have fun. I’m fine.”_

“ _I don’t mind staying home with you.”_ Justin reassures him.

“ _Really, I’m fine. Your friends are here, your girlfriend is here… Stay. Just don’t drink too much this time.”_ Clay tells him as he leaves their side.

Alex, Jessica and Justin follow him with their eyes. Alex looks at Justin and actually feels bad for him because Clay went a little far with his comment.

Jessica shakes her head. She always have a hard time understanding Clay, but this time it seems especially difficult. She decides to follow him outside to have a word with him.

* * *

“ _Clay!”_ She calls him when she arrives outside.

He keeps walking.

“ _Clay!”_ She begins to run after him.

Clay stops and turns around.

“ _Don’t run after me. I’m pretty sure you shouldn't.”_

“ _Then don’t make me.”_ She tries to joke.

“ _What do you want?”_

“ _I want you to stay with us. Have fun with us.”_ She decides to be kind even so she wants to punch him for the comment he made to Justin.

“ _I didn’t come here to have fun.”_

“ _Then don’t. You can work on the plan from here. At least you won’t be alone.”_

“ _I’m not sure it’s really effective to work under those circumstances with the music and all the noise.”_

“ _The house is pretty huge. You can go in another room if you want to be more quiet.”_

“ _Like your bedroom?”_ Clay says in a blaming tone.

“ _You know what Clay? I tried. I tried to be friendly. I tried to help you, but if all I get in return are snappy remarks, maybe you should go home.”_

“ _On my way already.”_ He replies, resuming his walk to the car.

“ _If you change your mind consider apologizing to Justin!”_ She yells at him as he walks away.

She shakes her head, full of anger. Not just at Clay, but as herself. Yes, she was honest with him, but she knows it was a little too harsh anyway, considering he’s not doing great. All she wanted was to spend one night as a senior, partying with all her friends and at least try to forget all the drama. It didn’t last long.

* * *

Clay arrives to his car. He sits in it and takes a deep breath. He knows he was too harsh with her. He’s always the harshest with her. Maybe because he knows she’s strong enough to take it. He didn’t mean to go this far with Justin. He didn’t mean anything that bad with his comment. He really wanted to remind him he couldn’t drink a lot. Maybe he should reconsider the way he says things. When he arrived and was told that everything was basically done, he felt so useless. He feels useless. He is useless. What does he bring to Jessica’s party? He wasn’t at his place at her last party and he doesn’t feel more at his place now. Like he said, Justin has his friends and his girlfriend. Everyone has everyone they need. Not that he doesn’t have friends there as well, but who needs him? No one. He doesn’t make any difference. His presence doesn't either. All he wanted was to be needed, to be part of the change. To do something that leads to something for once. To do something that matters. To be someone that matters. Like he should have done that night with Hannah. Do something, say something, change everything. 


	173. Seem to be Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Lance Desardi - Seem to be Scared

After taking a moment to recompose herself, Jessica returns to the party. She doesn’t see Justin in the living-room so she walks up to Tyler who is talking with his friends.

“ _Great job on the speech.”_ Cyrus tells her.

“ _It was a collective effort.”_ She responds.

“ _I wouldn’t be so polite, but the point is made.”_ Cyrus comments.

“ _That’s_ _what’s_ _most important.”_ Tyler tells him.

“ _I didn’t see Winston."_ Jessica points out to Tyler.

“ _I haven’t either. I guess he’s not coming.”_ He responds.

“ _Are you two still talking?”_ She asks him.

“ _A little. We have to work together a lot, but we’re not as close as we used to be.”_

“ _You should text him to tell him to come. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear from you.”_ Jessica suggests.

“ _Are you sure?”_ Tyler asks.

“ _Yeah, he should be here. Everyone should.”_

* * *

Justin is in the kitchen with Tony.

“ _What’s your drink?”_ Tony asks him.

“ _I don’t think I should.”_ Justin answers.

“ _Sorry man.”_

“ _It’s okay.”_

“ _So he just left?”_ Tony asks, just having been informed about Clay’s behavior.

“ _He did and he seemed pretty upset. Jessica went after him, but I’m pretty sure his mind was made.”_

“ _It must be pretty hard for him to be here at a party.”_ Tony points out.

Justin scoffs.

“ _You don’t need to tell me that. I get why he didn’t wanna stay, I just don’t understand why he was so rude about it. I know he’s going through a lot, but it’s not like him to take it out on people like that.”_

“ _Where is he now?”_ Tony asks.

“ _He said he was going home.”_ Jessica responds as she joins them.

“ _How did it go?”_ Justin asks.

“ _As expected. He just left.”_ She responds.

“ _I’m going to call Lainie to make sure he made it home.”_ Justin informs them as he leaves the kitchen to find a more quiet place to make his call.

“ _God. I wish I could have a drink right now.”_ Jessica says in a sigh.

“ _At least you’re not alone in this. Justin won’t drink either.”_ Tony tries to find anything to comfort her.

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah, but that’s a good thing right?”_

“ _I mean, if he doesn’t want to drink it’s fine with me.”_ She says in a shrug.

“ _You don’t sound convincing.”_ Tony jokes.

“ _I’m sure he wants to, but he doesn’t have enough faith in himself to do so. If he chooses to drink at least I’ll know he feels confident enough in his recovery.”_

“ _You can’t do that.”_

Jessica looks at him, confused.

“ _Over-analyze every little thing he does. Wondering what it means for his recovery. Give so much importance to everything.”_ Tony explains.

“ _It’s normal for me to worry no?”_

“ _It is, but not if there’s nothing to worry about. You need to trust him to tell you if he has a hard time.”_

Jessica looks at him, surprised he’s so concerned by this.

“ _My dad. He’s been sober for more than ten years now.”_

“ _I had no idea.”_

“ _He’s a proud man. He keeps it in the family and I respect that. I never told anyone.”_

Jessica nods, thankful for his honesty.

“ _I never saw him drunk or even have a sip of alcohol. We never talked about it, but every-time there’s a bottle on the table or someone drinking in the room, I see how my mom looks at him. He’s fine. He’s been fine for years now, but she’s still worried. She’s still looking after him.”_

“ _This type of recovery doesn’t have an ending. He’ll be fighting this addiction for the rest of his life.”_ Jessica comments. She knows he won’t be fixed magically one day.

“ _He will. You won’t have to.”_

Jessica rolls her eyes. If he’s fighting with it, so will she.

“ _I’m just saying. Maybe you need to have a little more faith in him as well.”_ He says as he pats her shoulder sympathetically.

“ _Davis! Where are you?”_ Zach yells from the living-room.

“ _That’s my cue.”_ Jessica tells Tony as she makes her way there.

“ _What’s up?”_ Jessica asks Zach.

“ _We were wondering if we could play a little game.”_ Zach informs her.

“ _I don’t really understand why you need me.”_ She responds with a laugh at an unleashed Zach in party mode.

“ _Is it okay if we play beer-pong on the dinning table?”_ Zach asks her with a huge smile, hoping it will help.

“ _You can play on the table outside. Let’s try to keep the house intact.”_ She responds.

The football-players cheer like she offered them something amazing and grab a few cups from the table before they make their way outside.She notices Diego isn’t here. She’s not really heart-broken to spend a night away from him, but it’s sad that most of the senior class is here except him. He’s one the reason behind Monday’s protest and it concerns him too. She takes out her phone to text him.

_Jessica : There is a party at my house. We’re trying to find the best course of action after the riot. You should come. Only two rules; don’t talk to me and stay away from Justin._


	174. Busy Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Busy Hands - Minnaars

Before she sends her text, Jessica feels like she has to let Justin know. Luckily, it’s at that moment that he arrives by her side.

“ _Lainie said he’s home. I told her to keep an eye on him.”_ He informs her.

“ _That’s good. Now for the bad news...”_

Justin looks at her, confused.

She takes his hand and leads him outside.

“ _There’s one particular football-player missing.”_ She says as she points at the boys setting up the table for their game.

“ _Which is great news if you ask me.”_ He jokes.

“ _I know. I’m not saying I want to party with him, but I’m sure they would be happy to do so. Besides he should have a say when it comes to our plan.”_

“ _You want to invite him?”_

“ _I do. I wrote a text, but I won’t send it unless you tell me you’re okay with it.”_

Justin takes the phone from her hand, reads the text and sends it.

“ _You’re too good for your own good.”_ He tells her as he places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

“ _You’re too good not to play. You should show them how it’s done. If I remember correctly, you and Zach make quite the team.”_ She pushes him to join the game.

“ _Room for one more?”_ He asks his team-mates.

They cheer, happy to see him participate.

“ _Captain and former captain in a team versus the rest?”_ Zach suggests, happy to spend some time with Justin too.

The others don’t seem that happy, knowing they are going to loose, but excited that the team is reunited.

* * *

Jessica makes her way back inside and decides to find her best-friend. She doesn’t see him in the room. She walks upstairs and finds him making out with Charlie in the hallway. She immediately brings her hand up to cover her eyes. When they notice her, they move away from one another, a little ashamed.

“ _Tell me you weren’t on your way to my bedroom.”_ She says, her hand still in front of her eyes.

“ _We weren’t.”_ Alex defends himself.

“ _I would never do that to you Jessica.”_ Charlie tells her.

She removes her hand from her face and laughs.

“ _I wouldn’t have blamed you to be fair, but no one is using my bedroom tonight.”_ She tells them as she makes her way to the door, locks it and places the key in her pocket.

“ _Let’s all go back downstairs shall we?”_ She suggest as she takes the boys by their arms.

“ _Charlie. I think it’s time the two of us had a talk.”_ She tells him, which causes him to look at her, terrified as they walk down the stairs.

“ _Jeez, I’m not going to hurt you. But, if you ever break Alex’s heart…”_ She begins.

“ _Oh my god.”_ Alex rolls his eyes and leaves their side.

“ _I’ll never do worse than you did.”_ Charlie responds, jokingly.

Jessica looks at him, mouth opened, shocked.

“ _Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I… may have had one drink too much.”_ He apologizes, all ashamed.

Jessica laughs.

“ _I like this new confident Charlie.”_ She comments.

“ _Go join him. Just make sure to behave.”_ She adds, patting his shoulder.

Before she has time to enter the living-room, the front door opens and Diego enters.

She gives him a small nod, indicating he made the right choice by coming and escapes to the living-room, avoiding having to actually have to talk to him.

She looks at everyone having fun and suddenly she’s brought back to the night of her party. She has to make sure things don’t go as bad as they did last time. Bryce isn’t here to rape anyone. She’s not going to leave Diego out of her sight and she knows her friends will pay attention as well. She goes through everything that happened that night in her mind again and again. What if someone here feels like Hannah did? How can you help someone when you have no idea what they are going through? Suddenly, it hits her. She knows there’s something going on with Clay and she let him leave. She takes out her phone and tries to call him. He doesn’t answer so she sends him a text.

> _Jessica: I’m sorry for yelling at you and I understand if it’s too hard for you to be at a party here. If there is anything else going on, just say the word and I’ll be on my way._

Texting Clay forces her to think of the night of her party from a different perspective.

> _Jeff._

She has to make sure no one drinks and drives tonight.

* * *

Justin is still playing beer-pong with Zach and the team outside when he notices Diego standing inside. Maybe he’s really trying to change if he’s respecting Jessica’s rules enough to stay away from him while he’s playing with his friends. Out of nowhere, Jessica arrives in a hurry.

“ _Can you make a run to the Walplex for me?”_ She asks him.

“ _I’m sorry, but unfortunately you were wrong about my abilities. This is my second beer.”_ He tells her in an apologetic tone.

“ _It’s okay. I’m sure I can ask Tony.”_ She responds with a smile. The last thing he needs is to feel bad about having drank those beers.

“ _There’s plenty of alcohol left. I’m not sure a beer-run is necessary.”_ Zach reassures her.

“ _Funny you mention that.”_ She says in a serious tone.

“ _Can we keep playing?”_ Luke asks, bothered by the interruption of the game.

“ _Shut up.”_ Zach tells him as he throws the ball while still being focused on his discussion with Justin and Jessica.

“ _What do you need?”_ Justin asks her.

“ _Breathalyzers. A lot of them.”_ She responds, close to panicking.

“ _I can’t let anyone leave my house without making sure they’re okay to drive and maybe I can take everyone’s keys and...”_ She begins to explain, but Justin cuts her off.

“ _Hey. Breathe.”_ He tells her gently as he places his hands on her shoulders.

“ _It’s a little much.”_ He says, trying to reassure her.

“ _Is it?”_ She asks, wondering if maybe she is over-reacting.

“ _It is.”_ Zach comments.

“ _I’ll take care of this.”_ He adds, leaving their side to enter the house.

“ _Dude!”_ Beecher complains.

Justin and Jessica follow him inside, curious to see his plan.

* * *

Zach steps on the coffee-table like Jessica did earlier. Justin can’t refrain himself from chuckling when he sees him do it. There’s a chance the table might break, but it would be kinda funny to see.

“ _Liberty!”_ He shouts, trying to cover the sound of the music, in vain.

“ _A little help?”_ He asks Justin and Jessica, embarrassed for being ignored.

Jessica chuckles and stops the music.

“ _Liberty!”_ He shouts again, a little too loud this time considering there’s no music anymore.

Jessica and Justin look at him, huge smiles on their face, trying as hard as they can not to laugh.

“ _Is everyone having fun?”_

Everyone cheers.

“ _Great! I’m having a lot of fun too to be honest.”_

Jessica shoots him a confused look. Where is he going with this?

“… _Anyway. As much fun as we’re having, we have to stay responsible. You can have as many drinks as you want. Enjoy yourselves!”_

Everyone cheers again.

Justin is not sure Zach is doing a good job so he joins him on the table.

Jessica reacts to slowly to stop him and she prays both of them won’t destroy the furniture, but luckily it seems to hold their weight.

“ _What are you doing? This is my moment.”_ Zach tells Justin.

“ _Zach’s right. You’re allowed to get drunk tonight, but...”_ Justin ignores him.

“ _I was going to say...”_ Zach cuts him off. 

_“BUT if you drink, do it right. Don’t drive home. Don’t get into a car if someone is drunk. Take their keys. Stay the night. This is a pretty great place, maybe not as great as Winston’s am I right?”_ Zach jokes, pointing at the boy who joined the party a little earlier.

“ _What he’s trying to say is that you’re all welcome to stay here for the night.”_ Justin adds once everyone stops laughing.

“ _Let’s party like there’s no tomorrow, but let’s make sure we all make it ‘til tomorrow okay?”_ Zach finishes his speech.

“ _To Jeff!”_ Luke shouts, rising his cup.

“ _To Jeff!”_ Everyone cheers and takes a sip.

Everyone in the room remembers him and his tragic death. The younger students who didn’t know him heard the story and it’s enough for them to participate in this unexpected commemoration.

Jessica extends her hands to help the boys down.

“ _You two do make quite the team.”_ She says in a chuckle.

Jessica finally relaxes. There’s not much else she can do to save everyone. Maybe saving everyone is too much of a goal anyway, but she feels like she did her part, at least tried. 


	175. Forever Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Alphaville – Forever Young

“ _Did it work?”_ Jessica asks Charlie.

She’s seated on Justin’s lap on the couch, surrounded by her closest friends while the party is still going strong.

“ _Yeah. We have so many ideas.”_ He responds, going through the copies of the speech he gathered.

“ _Who knew Luke could spell?”_ Alex jokes, reading some of the suggestions from one paper.

“ _It’s a shame you didn’t bring your camera tonight of all nights._ _It would have been nice to get some memories of this.”_ Zach tells Tyler.

“ _I don’t know. It’s kinda nice to enjoy a party without hiding behind my camera.”_ Tyler responds.

“ _Winston brought his.”_ He adds, pointing at the boy, before taking a sip from his drink.

“ _I’m not sure I’ll need pictures to remember tonight.”_ Jessica adds, a smile on her face.

She worried a lot, but almost everything went great.

“ _Is this party everything you imagined?”_ Justin asks her in a low voice.

“ _To be fair I didn’t know I wanted this party to happen a few hours ago, but I’m glad it did.”_

She looks at her friends who just asked Winston to take a few pictures of them.

“ _Everyone is having fun.”_ She adds.

“ _I didn’t think it was possible, but I actually enjoy it too.”_ Justin tells her.

“ _You don’t have faith in my hostess abilities?”_ She jokes.

“ _I do, but being here tonight with everyone, it brought back some memories I wish I could forget.”_

“ _I don’t.”_

He looks at her, confused.

“ _If I forget that night, it means I also forget the parts of the night I enjoyed. Moments that made me happy.”_

“ _Are they worth it?”_ Justin asks, doubtful.

Jessica nods, a smile coming to her face as she remembers them.

“ _Top three moments...”_ She says.

“ _First, there is you bringing me flowers to celebrate our two month anniversary. You knew your friends would tease you about it, but you didn’t care.”_ She continues.

“ _I just cared about you more.”_ He tells her with a smile.

“ _Second...”_

She chuckles, remembering it.

“ _You telling me you loved me for the first time.”_

“ _I was so nervous to tell you.”_

“ _I noticed. You whispered it in my ear. It was barely audible, but I heard it.”_

“ _You didn’t say it back so.”_

“ _I wasn’t sure you meant it. Part of me thought it was the alcohol talking for you.”_

“ _I was pretty drunk, but I meant it.”_

“ _I know that now.”_

“ _What’s number three?”_

“ _The moment we decided to go up to my room. I was a teenager madly in love with the hottest guy from school and the idea of spending time alone with you in my bedroom just send chills down my spine.”_

Justin nods with a sad smile. This is the last thing that went through her mind before he let Bryce rape her.

Jessica chuckles.

“ _What?”_ Justin asks her, confused.

“ _It’s still true. I’m still a teenager madly in love with the hottest guy from school and you can believe me, the idea of spending time alone with you in my bedroom still sends chills down my spine.”_

Justin laughs and kisses her.

“ _We could.”_ Jessica whispers against his lips.

“ _I really want to.”_ She adds.

“ _Yeah?”_ Justin whispers back.

She nods, tracing an imaginary circle on his chest. Justin nods too, indicating he agrees with her idea. She gets up and takes his hand to help him up.

When they arrive upstairs hand in hand, she takes out the key from her pocket.

“ _No one is going to ruin tonight.”_ She tells Justin with a smile as she opens the door.

They enter the bedroom and she closes the door behind them. Locking it.

At that moment, they’re just two horny teenagers in love. The world outside the room disappears and same goes for the awful memories. It’s just the two of them, alone in a bedroom. 


	176. The Good Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Troye Sivan – The Good Side

Justin and Jessica are lying naked in her bed after they slept together for the first time since last November. The only sounds in the room are the music coming from the party downstairs and their heavy breaths slowly calming down. They are both silent for a few minutes.

“ _Do you think waiting this long made it this good or we’re just really good at this?”_ Jessica ask, breaking the silence.

Justin chuckles.

“ _Now I wonder why we waited.”_ He says, looking at her.

Jessica lies on her side and gets closer to him, interlacing her legs between his and placing her hand on his chest.

“ _That’s another party I’ll for sure never forget.”_ She tells him with a smile.

“ _I know it doesn’t fix anything, but I still feel… relived… like this is our way to make things better this time. Different.”_ Justin responds.

“ _This night ended like it should have the last time.”_ Jessica agrees.

“ _Is it stupid to think it changed anything?”_

“ _This doesn’t change the past, but I think it proves we did. We changed. We’re not the same people we were that night.”_

Justin nods, thinking about it.

“ _We didn’t change completely though.”_ Justin tells her.

“ _I haven’t. You changed a lot.”_

“ _One thing didn’t change.”_ Justin says, lying on his side to face her.

He gets even closer, until he’s close enough to whisper in her ear.

“ _I love you Jess.”_

Jessica chuckles and caresses his cheek.

“ _If tonight’s about doing things differently from the past, I should tell you… I love you too Justin.”_

“ _Music to my ears.”_ He responds with a smile before kissing her.

“ _I only waited a few years for this.”_ He teases her as he lies on his back, bringing her into his arms.

“ _One day you’ll get sick of hearing those words coming from me.”_ She responds jokingly.

“ _Never.”_ He says, assured.

“ _In that case...”_ Jessica begins, siting up.

“ _I’ll never stop.”_ She continues, sitting on top of him.

She bends over to whisper into his ear.

“ _I love you.”_

She caresses his cheek and looks him in the eyes.

“ _I love you.”_

She places a sweet kiss on his forehead.

“ _I love you.”_

She keeps placing kisses on his face; his cheek, his nose, his jaw… while whispering the words over and over.

“ _I love you… I love you… I love you...”_

She begins leaving a trail of kisses down his neck…

“ _I love you...”_

She gently caresses his chest, placing a kiss on top of his heart, realizing how fast and strongly it is beating.

“ _Maybe I should stop. I don’t want your heart to explode.”_ She whispers against his skin.

Justin extends his hand to cup her face and force her to look at him.

“ _Never stop to make me feel this loved...”_

He sits up carefully, tightening his hold on Jessica.

“… _this complete.”_ He adds, caressing her breast, locking his eyes with hers.

Jessica feels it too; this connection, this intense sense of belonging, of being complete, whole. Two broken souls forming this one entity, this love, this moment.

Justin breaks first and starts kissing her with all his soul, all his heart, everything he has to give.

Jessica readjusts her position to allow him inside her; to give him permission, access, to give herself completely to him.

Nothing can break this moment or take them back to reality. The worlds stop spinning, the music stops playing. All they see is each other, all they feel is each other and all they hear are each other’s breaths and moans.

They are both here, now, in this moment and they are alive, complete.

One day they’ll forget about their trauma, how much it hurt, but they’ll never forget the love they are feeling for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is dedicated to all my fellow broken-hearted Jesstin shippers out here.  
> I know it's the second really short chapter in a row, but we're not that far from the end and I don't want to rush it. Next chapter is pretty long and I'm sure you'll be surprised to see I chose to brought back something that happened a long time ago. There's also going to be something I'd pay a lot to see on screen. It's something I never read in any fan-fiction and it's pretty crazy, but so funny. Any guess?


	177. Pictures Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Cure – Pictures Of You

The next morning, Jessica is surprised to see Justin isn’t lying in bed with her when she opens her eyes. She grabs her phone from the nightstand. No message from him, but many from her classmates, thanking her for the party. Even some of the football-players send her a text. She gets up slowly, a smile on her face.

She makes her way downstairs, some people are still asleep in the living-room, some are even sleeping on the floor, but better waking-up with a backache than in the hospital.

When she enters the kitchen, Zach is seated, a huge glass of water in front of him.

“ _This feels like déja-vu.”_ She comments jokingly.

“ _I’m not cooking you break-fast this morning.”_ He responds playfully.

“ _Okay, but you seriously have to give me your pancake recipe. My daughter has to grow-up with those.”_

“ _What do I get in return?”_

“ _What do you want?”_ Jessica asks in a chuckle.

“ _How about calling her Zach?”_

Jessica shoots him a concerned look.

“ _No, this name sucks for a girl._ _Please don’t do this to her.”_ He comments.

“ _I wasn't planning on.”_ She responds as she sits down.

“ _Have you seen Justin?”_ She asks.

“ _Not since you two went to bed last night.”_ He responds.

“ _By the way...”_

She shoves him in the arm.

“ _Hey!”_ Zach says loudly.

“ _Hush.”_ She says, reminding him people are still sleeping.

“ _Then don’t hurt me.”_ He responds.

“ _This was for making things so awkward last night when we came back downstairs.”_

“ _Oh come on, you have to admit seeing the look on Diego’s face was priceless.”_

Jessica can’t refrain a smile.

“ _It was, but I could have done without everyone knowing we sneak up to my room to have sex during the middle of the party.”_

“ _I may have confirmed it, but people figured that out pretty quickly when you both disappeared. It doesn’t take a genius to know what you two were doing alone together.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _Okay, I forgive you Zach. Mostly because you weren’t in any state to control anything you were saying anymore anyway.”_ She teases him.

“ _I have to say, I don’t remember how I got into bed last night.”_

“ _Charlie and Alex tucked you in. It was really sweet.”_

“ _I’d say it was pretty awkward.”_ Alex comments, entering the kitchen, followed by Justin. Both of them holding groceries bags.

“ _Where were you?”_ Jessica asks Justin.

“ _We went to get breakfast. We figured you and Charlie would both need some strength to work on finalizing the plan.”_ Justin explains her before dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

“ _Those are for Charlie and Jessica.”_ Alex reprimands Zach, already grabbing a croissant.

“ _I think there are more than plenty for us all to share.”_ Jessica comments, allowing Zach to take his croissant.

“ _How awkward did it get last night anyway?”_ Zach asks Alex.

“ _You told Charlie about the kiss.”_ Alex replies.

“ _What kiss?”_ Justin asks, confused.

Jessica scoffs.

“ _What? Did I say you are a bad kisser?”_ Zach tries to understand.

“ _Am I a bad kisser?”_ Alex asks, worried Zach might think that.

“ _No!”_ Zach and Jess responds in unison.

Justin shoots Jess an awkward look.

“ _Sorry. I shouldn’t get involved in this. I’m going to wake Charlie up.”_ Jessica excuses herself from the room.

* * *

Jessica gently knocks on the door of her parent’s former bedroom that is more often used by her friends nowadays. There’s no response so she slowly opens the door.

“ _Hey.”_ She greets Charlie when she sees him awake and seated on the bed.

“ _Hey_.” He responds, rubbing his eyes.

“ _We’re having breakfast downstairs.”_ She informs him.

“ _I’ll be down in a second.”_ He responds with a small smile.

Jessica turns around, ready to leave him alone again, but she decides to be a good friend instead.

She walks up to the bed and sits beside him.

“ _Are you okay?”_ She asks.

“ _Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”_

“ _I thought you might be a little upset after last night and all this Zach and Alex thing.”_

“ _It’s a thing now?”_

“ _It is whatever you feels it is.”_ Jessica says in a shrug.

“ _They said it was nothing and I believe them.”_ Charlie responds.

“ _That doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt when you found out.”_

“ _Yeah...”_ Charlie agrees.

“ _I just didn’t expect this. I had no idea the two of them kissed.”_

“ _You can trust Alex when he tells you it didn’t mean anything.”_

“ _You’re team Alex.”_ Charlie points out.

“ _I am, but that doesn’t change the fact I’m honest, and so was he.”_

“ _A kiss always means something.”_

“ _It does and this one did yes. It made Alex realize he had a thing for boys.”_

“ _And Zach made him realize that.”_

“ _So did Winston.”_

“ _What does it make me?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _The boy he loves and chooses to be with.”_

Charlie nods, but he doesn’t seem that convinced.

“ _Okay, I’m going to tell you something you better not tell Alex at any point okay?”_ Jessica tells him.

Charlie nods to invite her to go on.

“ _Alex did the same thing for me than Zach did for him. Made me realize something I couldn’t by myself, something I couldn’t face._ ”

“ _Made you realize you liked guys?”_ Charlie is lost.

Jessica rolls her eyes playfully.

“ _I love Alex, I really do, but when we were together I realized this wasn’t being in love. Being in love was what I felt for Justin. Just because Alex made me realize that doesn’t mean he’s worth so much more in my eyes than Justin is. Just like Zach making Alex realize he wasn’t a hundred percent straight doesn’t make him worth more to him than you do.”_

“ _I see what you mean, but why didn’t he tell me about this?”_

“ _Because the kiss itself didn’t mean anything. The only thing that mattered is what he got from it. Getting to a place where he can accept who he is, to a place where he can have an amazing boyfriend.”_

* * *

“ _I’m sure he’s going to forgive you.”_ Zach tells Alex after being informed of the events of the night before.

“ _If he doesn’t, I’ll have you to thank.”_ Alex responds.

“ _How was I supposed to know he didn’t know about that?”_ Zach asks.

“ _You two weren’t together when it happened. He has no reason to be mad at you.”_ Justin tries to reassure him.

“ _It’s not that simple.”_ Alex responds.

“ _Well, I’m glad to be single, because I’m very happy to be free from drama like this.”_ Zach comments.

“ _What a shame. Having a boyfriend rules.”_ Jessica says, coming back to the kitchen as she sits on Justin’s lap.

“ _Especially when he’s considerate enough to bring you breakfast.”_ Charlie comments, bending over to place his arms around Alex as hedrops a kiss on his temple.

“ _You four are adorable and by that I mean disgusting.”_ Zach jokes.

They enjoy their breakfast together, talking about the party the night before.

“ _Okay, we need to start working on the plan.”_ Jessica says, hurrying up to finish her breakfast.

“ _We have the rest of the day. No need to hurry.”_ Charlie tells her.

“ _Good thing you’re not allowed to drink coffee.”_ Alex jokes, seeing how full of energy she is.

“ _Some things are more effective than coffee to start your day the right way.”_ She replies playfully which causes Justin to choke on his coffee.

“ _I think this is my cue to go home._ _”_ Zach says, grossed out as he begins to get up.

“ _Actually I need your help.”_

He sits back down.

“ _What I can do for you Jessica?”_

“ _I need you to stay here until everyone leaves and it would be even more amazing if you could start cleaning up the place a little.”_ She explains as she gets up.

“ _Why? Where are you going?”_ Zach asks, confused.

“ _Justin, Charlie and I are going to see Clay. I’m sure he’ll be happy to work on the plan with us and I know for a fact he doesn’t want to be here to do so. Which leaves Alex with two options; going home or coming with us, because we all know staying here with you is not a smart choice.”_

“ _Real smooth.”_ Alex comments.

“ _I’m… I’m okay with you staying here if you want to. I trust you.”_ Charlie tells his boyfriend.

“ _No. It’s okay…. I can take care of this on my own.”_ Zach adds, awkwardly.

“ _Oh my god.”_ Justin comments as he gets up, walks up to Zach, grabs his face and lays a kiss on his lips. Everyone looks at him, confused, with their mouths opened. Only Jessica giggles, amused by the situation more than anything else.

“ _There. See. It doesn’t change anything. It’s just a kiss.”_ Justin explains, not wanting things to be awkward between any of them. This group is too precious to let anything destroy its dynamic.

“ _I think it would only be fair for me to kiss Jess now. I don’t want any jealousy. Everyone can have a bit of Zach.”_ Zach jokes.

Everyone laughs.

“ _Over my dead body man.”_ Justin responds, patting Zach’s shoulder.

“ _Mine too.”_ Jessica adds jokingly.

* * *

Clay woke up pretty late this morning. He had a hard time falling asleep the night before. He felt stupid for leaving the party, especially the way he did. He didn’t reply to Jessica’s text last night because he didn’t have any idea how to. At least she doesn’t seem mad at him anymore. He returns to the outhouse after his shower. When he enters, he’s surprised to see Justin, Charlie and Jessica here.

“ _Hey.”_ He greets them, a little embarrassed.

“ _How was the party?”_ He asks, trying to sound as nice as he can, hoping it would make up for his rudeness the day before.

“ _Really great.”_ Charlie responds.

“ _But we missed you so we figured we could spend time with you now.”_ Justin explains.

“ _We can’t finalize our plan without your input. Besides, it was kinda your idea in the first place.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _So you need me?”_ Clay asks.

“ _We always need you.”_ Jessica replies with a smile.

Clay nods, happy to know this, happy to get what he needs more than anything, being needed. If only they didn’t just need him to work on some plan and just needed him for him.

He walks to join them and sits at the table with them.

“ _I’m going to take a shower.”_ Justin announces. He’s interested in the plan, but with the three of them working on it, he’s not really needed.

“ _Wait.”_ Clay walks up to him before he leaves the outhouse.

“ _What I said last night...”_ He begins, but Justin cuts him off.

“ _It’s okay man.”_ As much as it hurts every-time, he got used to Clay’s sharp comments here and there, but he doesn’t hold it against him. He will never do it, not after everything Clay did for him.

When Clay turns around after Justin leaves, he sees Jessica’s looking at him before she looks back at the copies of the speech she is going through with Charlie.

Clay makes his way to join them. He did what she asked for; he apologized to Justin, but he knows he owes her an apology too.

“ _Jess...”_ He begins as he sits down.

She looks at him, shaking her head.

“ _I just needed you to apologize to him.”_

Clay nods, thankful he doesn’t have to do this again. It’s embarrassing to face how cruel you can be without wanting it.

“ _God. You really received this much feed-back?”_ Clay comments, noticing everything people wrote down on the papers. He didn’t think it would work, but it did. Maybe he should have more faith in people.

“ _Yeah, it’s pretty amazing.”_ Charlie agrees.

“ _We just have to sort the good ideas from the bad ones now.”_ Jessica says.

“ _And send our final draft of the revised speech to the parents when it’s done.”_ Charlie adds.

“ _And to the students. As well as a reminder of the entire plan.”_ Jessica continues.

“ _After we go through all of this.”_ Charlie concludes.

“ _Let’s get to work.”_ Clay comments.


	178. Lights Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Dears – Lights Off

On Monday, the tension is pretty high in the gym as Bolan makes his way to the microphone to begin his speech. Everyone can feel this is an important moment for Liberty.

“ _Good morning everyone. I’m thankful to see so many students here as well as their parents. The events of last week shouldn't be diminished and I wanted to address it before we can get back to normal. First, I’d like to take a moment to explain to everyone what exactly happened. Two students of the school were fighting in the hallway. As instructed, an officer intervened. He separated those students and considered it was necessary to handcuff one of them for the safety of all students.”_

Everyone stays calm and silent, even though Bolan forgets to mention the fact he raised a gun at them in the process. Jessica and Charlie share a look, relieved everyone follows the plan for now. They have to let him talk for now, no matter what.

“ _The two boys were then brought to my office. The officer explained the situation to me as well as Dean Foundry. Unfortunately, before we had a chance to deal with it, students began to gather in front of the administration offices. My priority was and always has been to protect the students while allowing them to pursue their education. At this point, you refused to go back to class.”_

Bolan stops for a second to look at the teenagers.

“ _You wanted answers I was in no position to offer you at_ _that_ _moment_ _. Then you walked out of school and gathered in the parking lot. I wanted answers too. I wanted to understand the situation, but you didn’t give me a chance to. Dean Foundry and I decided to come outside to have a discussion with some of you, to try to find some kind of understanding. Two students told us what_ _you_ _were expecting of us. Sadly, those expectations couldn’t be meet. There is only so much power a principal has over his school and I can’t act above state laws. You refused to leave_ _and there_ _was nothing we could have_ _said to change your mind, but we had to do something. Like I said earlier, safety has always been a priority for me and this situation wasn’t safe anymore. Dean Foundry and I took the decision to call the sheriff department. They offered to come to_ _the_ _school in case things escalated. When they arrived, we had no idea what was going to happen exactly. They suggested ordering you to evacuate the premises. We agreed. At this point, we gave you the option to leave, but you didn’t take it. I made the mistake to allow the officers to proceed, thinking they had skills and knowledge we didn’t have, thinking they could solve the problem. It was a mistake and if I knew they would use force against any of my students, I wouldn’t have made this call, but the students can’t deny their responsibility in the matter either. Force and violence was used on both sides. Things escalated until my car was blown off. I’m thankful you all recognized the magnitude of the hazard of the situation and finally chose to disperse. The responsible of this act has been identified and I’m proud he chose to confess for his crime._ _The school was closed for a week, but it didn’t stop us from working endlessly to make sure this doesn’t happen again. We decided to take some measures, but I’d like to invite your student body president to say a few words before we discuss this topic. Charlie St-George.”_

Charlie gets up and joins Bolan on the stage. As the man takes a step back and sits down, Charlie approaches the microphone. Jessica offers him a sympathetic and reassuring nod.

“ _High-school is a place where we learn, where we grow and become educated, responsible adults. We’re not there yet. We’re still learning, still growing and still improving. That doesn’t mean we shouldn't be held accountable for our actions. We recognize we went too far. We apologize. We apologize to you Mr. Bolan. We apologize to you Dean Foundry. We apologize to our parents and our fellow classmates.”_

Charlie looks at the room and the supportive nods he gets from everyone in the bleachers.

“ _We apologize for resorting to violence when we didn’t find any other way to make you hear us. We apologize for not finding the appropriate way to stand up for our classmates when they were unfairly and violently treated. We apologize for choosing to act the same way this officer did. We apologize for expecting to be heard and more so listened to. We apologize for fighting for a chance to feel safer in this school. We apologize for standing up against you when you chose to redirect the fight against us. We apologize for believing our actions could lead this school to be a place where we could learn and grow again. We’re sorry to inform you we don’t feel protected here. We’re sorry to tell you we can’t pursue our education under those circumstances. We’re sorry to have to ask again for things to change because we do want to feel safe here. We do want to keep learning and growing with the goal of becoming responsible and educated adults. The only way we’ll get there is if everyone in this gym begins to work with one another instead of against each other. This speech has been written by all the students, together, and it has been approved by our parents. The only thing we need now, Mr. Bolan, is for you to hear us.”_

Charlie turns to look at him before he looks back at the crowd. Slowly, students begin to clap, soon followed by their parents.

Bolan gets up from his chair and joins Charlie.

“ _Thank you.”_ He tells him in a low voice, patting his shoulder, inviting him to return to his place on the bleachers.

Bolan places himself behind the microphone again. He waits a few seconds for the silence to return.

“ _I hear you.”_ are his first words. He seems genuine and even a little moved.

“ _I’m proud you acknowledged your mistakes and… I’m even prouder you chose to work hand in hand for something you believe in.”_

“ _The entire staff worked throughout last week to find a way to meet some of your demands, because, like I stated, we do hear you. The officer implicated in the events that led to this riot has been fired and we chose to remove all security resource officers from this campus. They don’t belong in school hallways. You do. The cameras will stay, but we’re going to remove them from the classrooms and the locker-rooms. The metal detectors will stay too.”_

Students and parents nods, agreeing with those measures.

“ _We’re also trying to find a way to get a state grant to hire at least another counselor. We haven’t succeeded so far and we look forward to find a way to accomplish this together. With the support of the student body and their parents I’m confident we can make this happen.”_

Bolan looks at Charlie and Jessica who offer him a thankful smile.

“ _Unfortunately, there should also be some sort of punishment for the students involved in the riot.”_

Students watch him, expectantly.

“ _Every student that has been identified in the riot will have to accomplish some community service at school after class and sometimes during the week-end. We believe it’s a fair and productive punishment that’ll lead to a better environment for all of you. Many of the students involved are part of our football-team. Coach Kerba and I decided they shouldn't be deprived from their activity, but they should be punished. All remaining games are therefore canceled, but practices will take place as usual.”_

The students exchange looks, not expecting this repercussion.A few of them begins to complain and Bolan decides to end this by closing his intervention.

“ _I’d like to end my intervention by presenting a formal apology to Diego Torres, a student that was unfairly treated. I won’t let this happen again. I give you my word.”_

Parents start to applause, agreeing with everything that has been said. A few students begin to clap as well, soon followed by everyone, except Jessica.

“ _He just canceled the games.”_ She tells Charlie, not understanding why he’s letting this go.

“ _We got more than what we wanted.”_ He answers in a shrug.

She shakes her head and turns to look at Justin, seated two row beside her with Clay.

People begin to stand and leave the gym.

Jessica walks up to Bolan.

“ _M_ _iss Davis.”_ He greets her, a little unhappy and already expecting a fight.

“ _You sure forgot to apologize to Justin Foley.”_ She tells him.

“ _Justin didn’t suffer the same treatment Diego did.”_ He defends his choice.

“ _The officer still waived a gun at him.”_ She reminds him.

“ _Jessica.”_ He tries to make her give up.

“ _And why are you canceling the games? The majority of the football team are seniors. This would have been their last games together.”_

“ _Do I need to remind you they attacked the officers with bats they took from the equipment room?”_

“ _Charlie didn’t. Neither did Zach and Justin.”_

“ _Jess.”_ Justin intervenes, grabbing her hand, before she starts another fight.

“ _Those decisions are finals Jessica. If you wanted to be involved, you should have kept your position as student body president.”_ Bolan concludes, walking away to greet some of the parents.

“ _This suck.”_ Jessica comments.

“ _Are you kidding me? No one is getting expelled or even suspended. The SROs are leaving Liberty for good and we might even get another counselor.”_ Justin explains.

“ _This is a pretty huge win.”_ Clay agrees.

“ _You won’t get a chance to play another game.”_ Jessica says, pouting.

“ _I’ll play in college.”_ Justin answers with a shrug and a reassuring smile.

This doesn’t reassure her that much. By the time he plays his first game in college, she might be in jail. She looked forward to cheering him on when he stepped on the field again. 


	179. The Last Tape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Last Tape – Eskmo

Every member of HO gathered in the cave at the end of the day to discuss and celebrate the new measures Bolan set up. At the end of the meeting, as everyone begins to leave, Jessica approaches Winston.

“ _Can I talk to you for a moment?”_

He nods and sits back down. Alex is supposed to meet them here in a few minutes so she has to stall until he arrives.

“ _What did you think of the Assemble today?”_

“ _I gave my opinion during the meeting.”_ He doesn’t understand what she’s expecting of him.

“ _Sorry, I know you did.”_ She realizes it was a stupid question.

“ _It made me think about the last one I attended here.”_ He adds anyway.

“ _While you were still at Hillcrest?”_

“ _Yeah. You trained Charlie well.”_

“ _I didn’t do much. Charlie is amazing and all the stuff he said was decided by all of the student body.”_

“ _You’re the one who brought everyone together. Again.”_

“ _Why are you so nice with me?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _Why are you?”_

Jessica looks at him, confused.

“ _You invited me to your party.”_ He explains.

“ _I didn’t invite you. Tyler did.”_

“ _Because you told him to.”_

“ _You’re the one who helped me during the riot… and last time in the yearbook room.”_

“ _Are you mad at me for helping you?”_

“ _No, not at all. I’m just trying to understand. A few weeks ago you were pretty set on trying to destroy my life.”_

Winston scoffs.

“ _I wouldn’t go that far.”_ He comments.

“ _It is a bit far, but you have to admit you weren’t exactly friendly with me. What changed?”_

“ _I realized it’s not always easy to distinguish the good from the bad.”_

“ _Meaning?”_

“ _In my mind Monty was good. Whoever set him up for Bryce’s murder was bad and I was so sure it was you. Diego was looking for the truth and so did I. It made me think of him as a good guy.”_

“ _You don’t think that anymore?”_

“ _I definitely think you’re not as bad as I thought and Diego is not as good as he seemed.”_

“ _You know what happened during your party?”_

“ _It wasn’t hard to guess. Especially after I saw you have a panic attack in the yearbook-room.”_

“ _A while ago you told me you stood up during the Assemble last semester. Did you go through something similar?”_

“ _I did.”_ Winston simply answers, not wanting to share this.

“ _I don’t think you can label people good or bad. We’re all just trying to survive and all of us do good and bad stuff along the way.”_ Jessica says.

“ _I know and I’m sorry my mind was made about you before I actually got to know you.”_

Jessica offers him a thankful nod.

“ _I don’t think Monty was good, but he wasn’t bad either. He hurt a lot of people, but he was also a good friend to many. I’m sure you saw a part of him I never did.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _Thank you.”_ Winston responds.

“ _Is this why you asked to talk to me?”_ He suddenly remembers.

Before Jessica replies, Alex enters the room.

“ _Hey.”_ He greets the two of them, a little awkwardly.

“ _Hi.”_ Winston responds, a little caught off guard.

“ _Actually, the two of us wanted to talk to you.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _Is it okay?”_ Alex asks, unsure the boy is ready to listen to what they have to say.

“ _Uhm…_ _sure.”_ Winston invites him to sit with them.

Alex takes a deep breath and sits beside Jessica. They are now both facing Winston.

“ _We have something to tell you. You may have a lot of questions and we’re both ready to answer them. The only thing we need is for you to promise to listen to everything we have to say first.”_ Jessica begins.

Winston nods, looking back and forth between them.

“ _Before the homecoming game last November, Bryce texted me. He wanted to talk to me. We met outside the gym and I just wanted to get him to leave me alone for good, but he told me there was something he wanted to give me. I didn’t care, but he insisted it was important. He suggested I met him after the game on the pier.”_ Jessica starts to explain the events of the night Bryce died.

Winston looks at her with surprise; was he right all along?

“ _I wasn’t planning on meeting him. I was terrified of being anywhere near him so I went home after the game, but I couldn't stop wondering what he wanted to give me and what he had to say after everything. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I got an explanation so I called Justin. Many times, but he never picked up.”_ Jessica stops talking. She can’t bring herself to mention Alex, to reveal he went there with her.

“ _Then she called me.”_ Alex intervenes.

Winston looks at him, surprised he was implicated in any of this.

“ _I picked her up and we went to the pier to meet Bryce. When we arrived, Zach had just left and Bryce was lying on the ground, badly hurt.”_ Alex continues.

“ _He gave me a tape, the tape Diego published online; his confession.”_ Jessica adds, but she has to stop again, too emotional to continue.

“ _We were on our way back to the car when Bryce begged us to help him, to help him up, to bring him to the hospital or home or…”_ Alex pauses, not remembering everything and dreading saying out loud the next part.

Jessica gently places her and on top of his to offer some support before she continues the story.

“ _I didn’t want to help him. I was still so fucking full of anger and hurt, but Alex, because he wanted to do the right thing, the good thing, went back to help him.”_

Winston is getting confused. How did this lead to murder?

“ _He was begging so I helped him up. Then he started on about how he was gonna ruin Zach’s life, which he had already done. And he was just spewing all this shit. Threatening Zach, even threatening Jess and accusing her of setting this up. And… and I saw this… anger. I didn’t see any soul or anything. I just didn’t. And then I realized that he had ruined everyone I ever loved. And I got this… this flash of rage. Ever since my TBI, I get these flares, like, I go red. And then I pushed him off the dock.”_

Jessica tightens her hold of his hand at this part.

“ _You… you killed Bryce?”_ Winston asks, still processing it.

“ _I did. It was me.”_ Alex answers in a shaking voice.

“ _Why did you lie?”_ He tries to understand.

“ _He didn’t lie. He just didn’t get the time to confess before I lied.”_ Jessica responds.

Winston shakes his head, not understanding.

“ _Clay was about to go to jail for this murder and I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want Alex to go to jail either. The morning of Ani’s deposition, I found out Monty was killed so I figured it would put an end to all of this shit we’ve been through for years. If Monty was accused, no one would have to go to jail. I met with Ani and I told her it was Monty. She believed in me enough not to question it so that’s what she told the cops.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _They… they found the tape in his locker.”_ Winston remembers. How much did they lie?

“ _I put it there.”_ Jessica answers before Alex has the time to react. It seems she took the decision to take the blame for this.

“ _To be honest, I don’t regret this. I don’t regret lying to protect my best friend because if I hadn’t, I would have lost him. He wouldn’t be seated next to me right now.”_ Jessica continues her story while tears roll down her cheek.

“ _I… I wrote a confession and I didn’t want Clay to end up in prison more than Jessica did, but… I didn’t think I could face the truth, what I did and… I was planning on killing myself that day.”_ Alex reveals, his voice broken by the memories.

“ _Alex had no idea about the cover-up at first. When he found out, we both thought it was best to just keep trying to survive.”_

“ _Why are you telling me this now?”_ Winston asks, shaken up himself about the truth.

“ _Because now we know it was a mistake, more than just a mistake and we want to make things right.”_ Alex answers.

“ _After graduation, we’re both going to confess for what we did. We thought you deserved the truth before we did.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _Graduation is in three weeks. Why telling me this now?”_

“ _Because it’s not fair to leave you not knowing and wondering.”_ Jessica answers.

“ _Why shouldn’t I go the cops right now and report this?”_

“ _No one is all good or all bad. We aren’t either. We didn’t do the right thing and we’re going to pay for it. We just hope you have enough good in you to give us a chance to survive until graduation.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _If you don’t we’ll understand. Just know we just spend the two hardest years of our lives in this school. When we confess, we’ll probably both end up in jail where things won’t be any better. We’re just asking for a few weeks to have the chance to be teenagers for one last time, to graduate with the people we love by our side and to make our parents proud for a day before we destroy every hope they ever had for us.”_ Alex adds.

Winston wipes the tears he’s just noticing on his cheeks. After months of fighting for the truth, he finally got it.

“ _All I ever wanted was the truth, to know why someone thought it could be okay to pin this murder on Monty. He wasn’t a saint, far from it, but he was a human being and even the dead deserve the truth.”_

Alex and Jessica nod, agreeing, even though they are terrified he’s just going to report them as soon as he leaves the room.

“ _I understand why you did what you did and if it saved your life Alex, maybe it was needed at that moment. I’m not going to tell anyone about this, but you have to promise me you’ll confess. No one is all good or all bad, but actions are good or bad. The only good thing you can do now is reveal the truth.”_

“ _We will.”_ Jessica answers with a thankful nod.

“ _Thank you.”_ Alex offers him.

“ _Can I ask you something?”_ Winston asks Alex who nods as a response.

“ _Are you sorry you did it?”_

“ _More than I can ever say.”_ Alex honestly responds, a tremor in his voice.

“ _We both wish we could take this night back.”_ Jessica adds.

Winston’s phone vibrates on the table.

“ _I… I have a meeting with Bolan and Tyler about the yearbook.”_ He explains as he gets up.

He looks back at the two of them and nods, thankful, before he leaves the room.

Alex takes a deep breath, relieved things went this well. Jessica tugs on his hand and pulls him towards her and they exchange a comforting hug.


	180. The Riots Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Santigold – The Riots Gone

Later in the week, Charlie and Justin are doing push-ups in the gym during practice. 

“ _Have you figured out how you’re going to ask?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _Ask what?”_ Justin responds.

“ _Ask Jessica to prom.”_ Charlie tells him, stopping his exercise and siting on the floor.

Justin sits down too.

“ _Do I have to? I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious we’re going to prom together.”_

“ _It’s senior prom, not just a regular dance. Of course you have to ask.”_

“ _Are you asking Alex?”_

“ _I’m going to tomorrow, yes.”_ Charlie answers, proud of his plan.

“ _That means you two are good now? No more issues about… the Zach thing?”_ Justin asks awkwardly.

Charlie chuckles.

“ _It’s not a “thing” anymore. They kissed, but it’s in the past. What matters is that he chose to be with me right?”_

Justin nods.

“ _Less talking and more working-out please.”_ Zach tells them, arriving by their side.

Charlie and Justin shoot him confused looks.

“ _I’m going to be a coach soon. This is my chance to practice.”_ Zach explains.

“ _We were just talking_ _about_ _your last conquest coach.”_ Charlie replies playfully.

“ _Justin?”_ Zach asks, pointing at his friend.

“ _Please never refer to me as one of your conquest.”_ Justin chuckles as he gets up.

“ _Hey, you initiated it. I can see why you’re interested.”_

Justin rolls his eyes.

“ _But seriously, you’re still talking about this?”_ Zach asks Charlie, worried it may still be a problem between them.

Charlie gets up before he responds.

“ _We’re all good, don’t worry. I was just saying to Justin I’m fine with the fact you and Alex kissed.”_

“ _You kissed Standall?”_ Beecher asks, passing by them at the wrong moment.

Zach sighs.

“ _Charlie’s your bro, that’s not cool man.”_ He adds.

“ _Mind your own fucking business.”_ Zach replies, annoyed.

Beecher leaves their side.

“ _I’m your bro.”_ Charlie teases him.

“ _Not cool man.”_ Justin adds to the teasing.

“ _Okay. You had your fun. How about you practice your game instead of your teasing abilities now?”_ Zach offers.

“ _Sure, what do you have in mind coach?”_ Charlie keeps teasing him.

* * *

“ _Anybody home?”_ Tony ask, entering the outhouse.

“ _Hey man. What are you doing here?”_ Clay asks.

“ _We haven’t spend a lot of time together lately. I was wondering if you would wanna go to Monet’s with me?”_

“ _Don’t you have work… or a work out, or a fight planned… or anything else?”_ Clay asks, a little judging.

“ _I know I have been busy a lot lately, but I’m free now so what do you want to do?”_

“ _You don’t have to do this community service thing at school right?”_ Clay asks, ignoring Tony’s question.

Tony sits at the table while he answers.

“ _No, I don’t. I know the officer who arrested me and he didn’t mention my name to Bolan to keep me out of trouble. Why?”_

“ _I don’t have to either.”_ Clay reveals.

“ _Really? Well, that’s good right?”_

“ _I’m not complaining, but I was clearly involved and I blew up his car so I don’t understand why Bolan spared me.”_

“ _What did he say about his car?”_

“ _He didn’t have a chance to say much before my mom explained him the situation. After that, there wasn’t much he could say.”_

“ _So maybe he understood it wasn’t really you and that you shouldn't be punished for something you didn’t control.”_ Tony tries to find the most logical explanation.

“ _Maybe he just doesn’t want me anywhere near the school anymore.”_

“ _That doesn’t make any sense.”_

“ _Really? You don’t think he’s just convinced I’m insane now?”_

“ _No one thinks you’re insane Clay.”_ Tony reassures him.

They both stay silent a few seconds.

“ _Wait. So an officer actually helped you?”_ Clay asks, surprised.

“ _Yeah and he’s also the one who called the college scout for me. He’s one of the reason I’ll be going to college in a few months.”_

“ _Wow.”_ Clay comments, almost in a whisper.

“ _Wow what? You can’t believe I’m going to college or that a cop actually helped me?”_ Tony jokes.

“ _A little bit of both.”_ Clay answers.

“ _Ouch.”_ Tony comments.

“ _It’s not what I meant. I meant… I can’t believe we’re all going to be away at college in a few months. Most of us.”_

“ _High-school’s not over yet. There’s still prom and graduation.”_

“ _Have you asked Caleb this time?”_ Clay asks him, remembering he avoided asking him to spring fling.

Tony chuckles.

“ _Not yet. We’re always so caught up in all these messes that I sometimes forget there’s still these fun and simple things to go to.”_

“ _They’re not always that fun and even if they are, I always find a way to ruin it for you.”_ Clay comments.

“ _You never ruined anything Clay. I’m glad we’ve been through all of it together.”_

“ _There were a lot of messes to go through.”_ Clay says, reflecting on the past two years.

“ _How far is the University of Nevada to Brown exactly?_ ” Clay asks.

“ _Pretty far.”_ Tony responds, nodding sadly.

“ _I’ll have to find someone else to come to my recuse.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _You don’t have to. I’ll always be one call away.”_ Tony offers with a smile.

Clay nods with a sad smile. The only thing that hasn’t changed these past few years is Tony always being there to look out for him.

“ _How about right now we get out of here and do another fun and simple thing?”_ Tony asks.

“ _Sure_.” Clay responds with a smile as he gets up.

“ _Monet’s good for you?”_

“ _Always.”_ Clay responds.

He’ll always love going to Monet’s with Tony. For once, it seems like this is just going to be two friends sharing a cup of coffee and not another tragedy they have to work through together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important question !  
> I'm not that far from the end of this story. I was planning to do a short break just before prom so I could finish writing all the chapters and give you the numbers of chapters remaining. I can still do that, or I can continue to write and post as usual, but you won't get to know beforehand how much chapters you have left.  
> What do you prefer?


	181. Safety Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Men Without Hats – Safety Dance

The next day, after class.

“ _Amanda?”_ Zach asks.

“ _No.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _Betty?”_ Zach continues.

“ _No.”_

“ _Chelsea?”_

“ _Are you going to go through all the alphabet?”_ Charlie asks.

Zach sighs.

“ _I just want to know the name of baby Jesstin.”_ Zach defends himself.

“ _It’s not going to be ‘baby Jesstin’.”_ Jessica replies playfully.

“ _So you do have a name for her?”_ Zach gets even more interested.

Jessica throws a sponge at him.

“ _We’re here to do community service, not to talk.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _You do have a name.”_ Zach comments with a huge smile.

“ _Why did they have to assign us to clean this place? It’s disgusting.”_ Jessica ignores him.

“ _It’s a boy’s locker room. I’m not sure you can do worse.”_ Charlie agrees.

“ _At least you two are cleaning your own mess. I’m sure Bolan was thrilled to punish me like this.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _If you want to spend the rest of your life with Justin, you should get use to this level of mess.”_ Zach comments.

“ _He’s not that messy. Living with the Jensen really changed him.”_ She jokes.

“ _Speaking of Justin. Did he ask you to prom?”_ Charlie decides it could be a good moment to get some ideas for his friend.

“ _Not yet, but I’m not expecting him to do it. He knows I’m going with him.”_ She answers in a shrug.

“ _You’re telling me you’re the only senior girl not wanting a huge promposal?”_ Zach asks.

“ _Some senior boys aren’t interested either apparently.”_ Charlie says, a little upset Alex ignored two of his promposals today.

“ _Have you thought about the fact you may in fact have been doing too much?”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _It’s romantic. You can never go wrong with too much romance.”_ Charlie defends his choice.

Jessica and Zach stare at him, a little sad he’s hurt by it.

“ _You want some advice?”_ Jessica offers, to what Charlie nods.

“ _Asking Alex to prom shouldn't be a show you put on for everyone to see. It’s about you showing him you care about him so much that you want to spend this one special night with him.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _So… no promposal in public?”_ Charlie tries to find a good compromise.

“ _No. Alex doesn’t like this kind of attention. I’m sure he really wants to go with you, but he’s too shy to say it in front of other people.”_ Zach adds.

“ _Should I give up the flowers as well?”_

“ _It’s optional.”_ Jessica says in a shrug.

“ _Can you be more precise, like, what should I do?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _I’m not going to tell you how I imagined my dream promposal. This is something personal, between you and him.”_ Jessica answers.

“ _You do want a promposal.”_ Charlie replies with a smile. She may not have helped him a lot when it comes to Alex, but she still might help him get some useful information for Justin.

Jessica shakes her head. He got her.

“ _I don’t want a huge promposal, but yes, I’d be happy to be officially asked to prom.”_ She admits.

“ _What’s the dream version of it?”_ Zach asks, knowing he can help Justin too.

The two boys look at her expectantly and she’s smart enough to figure it out.

“ _I’m not going to tell you this. Justin knows me well enough to find the right way to ask me on his own if he wants to.”_

“ _We can tell him we tried.”_ Zach says to Charlie in a shrug before he throws the sponge back at Jess. 


	182. Last Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Raveonettes – Last Dance

A few rooms away, Tyler, Justin and Alex are cleaning the music room.

“ _HO meetings must be awkward now that Winston knows.”_ Justin comments.

“ _There hasn’t been any yet, but I’m not sure it will be that awkward. Winston really is a good guy.”_

“ _Let’s hope it’s true and he won’t say anything.”_ Justin responds.

“ _How come you never joined HO?”_ Tyler changes the subject.

Justin looks at him and takes a few seconds to find an answer.

“ _I didn’t feel like I needed it and at first it was just girls.”_

“ _I was there.”_ Tyler points out.

“ _I think I wanted Jess to have this for herself and… I know what most of the girls in the group think of me.”_

“ _It would have gave you a chance to change that. I’m… I’m not criticizing, I’m just, I don’t know, wondering I guess.”_ Tyler awkwardly says.

“ _I’m glad you joined. It’s nice to know boys have been represented by you.”_ Justin offers him kindly, trying to show him he didn’t cross any line by asking.

They keep working on dusting the shelves in silence.

“ _About the yearbook...”_ Tyler begins.

“ _We were planning on doing memorial pages for… everyone, but Bolan doesn’t think it’s a good idea.”_ He continues, looking at Justin.

Justin can see Tyler staring at him.

“ _Do you want my opinion on this?”_ He asks, confused.

“ _Yeah. You were friends with some of them, but you know as well as I do how many people they hurt. Do you think it’s really going to cause more damage than anything to do it?”_

“ _You’ve been hurt more than I have. What do you think?”_ Justin avoids giving an answer.

“ _I think it would be hypocritical to publish a book supposed to represent our years here and not mention the people we lost during those years.”_

“ _Bolan wants you to cut all the memorial pages or…?”_ Alex asks from a little further in the room.

“ _All of them. I offered to only remove… some of them, but he pointed out it wouldn’t be fair to do this, especially to their families.”_

“ _They will get this yearbook too?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Yeah, it was one of the reasons we wanted to include these. We thought it would be nice to do this for their parents.”_

“ _Then keep them. All of them.”_ Justin says.

“ _You should tell Jess. I’m sure she’ll be happy to argue about it with Bolan.”_ Alex suggests.

Justin rolls his eyes. She doesn’t have to fight everyday for everyone and everything.

“ _I wanted to ask her about this, but I know she’s one of the person these pages might hurt.”_ Tyler explains.

“ _I don’t think it will. I think she’ll understand.”_ Justin reassures him.

“ _When do you give them out?”_ Alex asks.

“ _During the last day of school. It should have been earlier, but with the riot and everything, we basically lost a week.”_

“ _That’s great. It means you can publish it however you want. I doubt Bolan is going to punish you the day before Graduation.”_ Alex suggests.

“ _So you think we should keep these pages too?”_ Tyler asks.

“ _Yeah, I know I won’t forget any of it anyway.”_ Alex replies, playing with the strings of a guitar, sitting on a chair.

They go back to cleaning the shelves, except for Alex, who starts playing the guitar.

“ _Okay. If you don’t want to help cleaning, can you be useful another way?”_ Justin asks him.

“ _Anything if it doesn’t involve going anywhere near the pile of dust on these books.”_ He jokes.

“ _Do you think I should ask Jess to prom?”_

“ _You haven’t already?”_ Tyler asks, shocked.

“ _Here’s your answer.”_ Alex jokes, pointing at Tyler.

“ _Do you know how I should do this?”_ Justin asks seriously. He wants to do this right.

“ _I wouldn’t suggest asking her during a wake. She might say yes, but she’s just going to end up sleeping with her ex so I wouldn’t recommend.”_ Alex jokes.

Tyler looks at them, not understanding and Justin doesn’t find an appropriate answer to this.

“ _I’m kidding. We should be able to joke about_ _this_ _now. Let me have this.”_ Alex adds in a chuckle.

“ _Fine, noted. How about a real advice now?_ ” Justin responds with a smile, happy they put this passed them.

“ _It sucks to admit it, but you’re actually a pretty decent boyfriend and it hurts me to say this, but you know her way more than I do. If someone can find the perfect promposal for her, it’s you.”_ Alex reassures him.

“ _She’ll be happy to go with you no matter how you ask.”_ Tyler adds.

“ _Thank you, it’s very nice, but not at all helpful.”_ Justin laughs.

Alex begins to play on the guitar again.

“ _I can offer you my service and play a song for her if you want.”_ He comments.

“ _Start by answering your boyfriend’s promposal first.”_ Justin teases him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because tomorrow is going to be a little rewrite of an actual scene from the show so nothing new in terms of the story... well, almost nothing. Any guess?


	183. Love Me Like The World Is Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ben Lee – Love Me Like The World Is Ending

The next week, after school, Alex is walking in the hallway on his phone, on his way to his next community service task.

“ _I’ll be home at like, 5:00_ _and after that Charlie and I have dinner with my parents but_ _we need to_ _work on the plan at your house later.”_

\- - -

“ _I can’t do that now, I have to clean the old math book room. Justin can survive without you for a night.”_

_\- - -_

While Jessica is still talking on the other end of the line, Alex opens the door to the room to find Charlie waiting for him.He cut out letters to spell “prom?” on the wall behind him and there are lit candles and string lights all around the room.

“ _So… I’ll see you later.”_ Alex tells Jessica before he hangs up.

Alex chuckles, surprised by this new promposal. Since Charlie hasn’t tried in almost a week, he felt like he just gave up and he wouldn’t have blamed him. In fact he regretted not having said yes when he had the chance.

“ _You can’t have candles in here. This is a book room.”_ He points out.

“ _Oh, they’re prop candles. There’s no live flames.”_ Charlie explains.

Alex sighs. He really thought about everything.

“ _Okay, if I say yes, will this all stop?”_ He asks, walking up to Charlie.

“ _Yeah, that… that’s the point of it.”_ Charlie answers with a charming smile.

“ _So… yes.”_ Alex tells him.

“ _Yes, Charlie...”_ The boy tries to get a more elaborated answer which causes Alex to chuckle.

“ _Yes, Charles Hayden Brixton St. George, I will go to prom with you.”_ Alex answers, walking closer to him.

Charlie chuckles lightly, happy to have not only an answer, but the one he wanted before he kisses Alex.

Alex’s phone rings. He takes it out and reads a text from Jess.

> _Jessica : You’re welcome. Hopefully you stopped being an ass and said yes._

“ _Why should I thank Jess?”_ Alex asks.

“ _She helped me set it up.”_ Charlie explains.

“ _That’s funny.”_ Alex comments.

“ _I was going for romantic and sweet, but...”_

“ _I mean… I helped Justin for his promposal.”_

“ _He finally asked?”_

“ _Not yet, he’s supposed to tonight. How… how did you know I was going to be here now?”_

“ _There are benefits of being the student body president.”_ Charlies answers mysteriously.

“ _Do those include getting me out of community service so I can make out with my boyfriend in the book room?”_ Alex suggests.

“ _No, but I think...”_ Charlie answers, walking up to the door.

“ _Your boyfriend can help you clean up after you make out with him for a while.”_ He adds, locking the door.

Alex chuckles.

“ _As tempting as it is, the hallway is still full of students. Maybe we should keep this in mind for after hours and start with the cleaning.”_

“ _Works with me.”_ Charlie answers, unlocking the door.

* * *

Later that night, Jessica is at her house, waiting for Alex when she gets a text.

> Alex : _Running late._

She sighs. She could have stayed longer at the Jensens instead of being here alone if he told her he was going to arrive this late.

> _Jessica : How late?_

Alex takes a while to answer so she decides to put on something more comfortable. She doesn’t need to be pretty to hang out with him after all. She grabs greys sweatpants and a light blue sweater from her closet and changes. She sits back on her bed and goes through Instagram to pass time.

Alex answers after almost twenty minutes.

> _Alex : Don’t know yet… Just… wait for me okay?_
> 
> _Jessica : What do you mean you don’t know? I’m tired. Should we just do this tomorrow?_
> 
> _Alex : No, I won’t be too long okay? I promise. Don’t fall asleep, you’ll regret it._

Jessica is confused. She’s not sure missing a “study session” on murder and jail time would lead to any regret, but she trust him so she waits.

> _Jessica : I’ll forgive you if you arrive with some ice-cream :)_
> 
> _Alex : You know stopping on my way to get you some ice-cream will actually make me arrive later right?_
> 
> _Jessica : The heart wants what it wants <3_
> 
> _Alex : I’ll see what I can do ;)_


	184. You're just too good to be true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Frank Sinatra – I Love You Baby

Jessica is almost asleep in her bed when she hears a car parking in the street. She’s too tired to move right away and figures Alex can wait for a few minutes outside until she finds the strength to get up. She’ll get up when he rings the door-bell. At her surprise, the door-bell doesn’t ring, but she hears music playing. She shakes her head, thinking it must be coming from a neighbor or something, but it really sounds like it’s coming from just outside her house. After a few seconds wondering what the hell it is, the door-bell rings. She gets up and walks down the stairs.

* * *

The music is clearly coming from the other side of the front door. She opens the door and Justin is standing there, wearing a suit and holding flowers in his hands.

“ _You do look amazing.”_ He tells her, his iconic smile on.

Jessica is starry-eyed, amazed at what is going on.

“ _I got you the roses I promised you.”_ Justin adds, handing her the two roses.

“ _How do you still have this?”_ She ask, pointing at his suit.

“ _I didn’t. I had to find the exact same model online. It took a while.”_ Justin explains, happy to know she noticed he’s wearing the suit he was wearing at the winter dance, the first time they danced together.

“ _You shouldn’t have spend money on this.”_ She tells him, not in as a critical way, just not wanting him to go through so much trouble for this and her.

“ _It will be worth it if you say yes.”_ Justin responds with the smile that hasn’t left his face since she opened the door.

“ _What am I supposed to say yes to? Because you never actually asked.”_ She tells him playfully.

Justin begins to stutter, embarrassed he forgot to actually ask her to go to prom with him.

“ _Are you going to prom?”_ She asks him before he finds his words.

“ _Uhm… I was hoping I would.”_ Justin replies, a little unsure of what is going on.

She giggles before she explains.

“ _I go where you go remember? That doesn’t leave me a choice.”_

“ _You always have a choice with me.”_ Justin responds sweetly.

“ _I know. It’s one of the many reasons I love you.”_ She tells him with a smile.

“ _So… Jessica Davis, will you go to senior prom with me?”_ He finally asks the words she was dying to hear.

“ _Yes, yes! I will go to prom with you.”_ She responds, full of joy and excitement.

“ _Perfect.”_ Justin comments, taking her hand and they start to dance together to the music still playing on his phone.

“ _Maybe you should take lessons before we do this.”_ Justin teases her dancing abilities.

“ _Shut up, it’s not that easy to move around with this belly.”_ She replies in a chuckle.

Justin laughs and looks at her directly in the eyes. He’s suddenly very serious, even so his smile remains.

“ _You do look amazing. This wasn’t just a call back to the night we met.”_ He tells her.

Jessica gets shy and looks to the ground while they keep dancing in her hallway.

“ _You did well, this is better than my dream version.”_ She informs him, looking back up at him.

“ _Really?”_ Justin asks.

She nods.

“ _You wanna know why?”_

Justin nods, curious about what he could have done better.

“ _The dream includes Ian Somerhalder, but you’re way hotter than he is.”_

Justin rolls his eyes and suddenly lets go of Jessica. He puts a finger up in the air, like there’s something he just remembered.

“ _Would Ian Somerhalder bring you this?”_ Justin asks, grabbing something from a bag outside on the porch.

He hands her a pot of ice-cream, her favorite flavor, of course.

“ _How did I get so lucky?”_ She asks, honestly.

“ _That’s your stomach speaking.”_ He teases her.

“ _No_.” She answers, sure of herself.

She puts down the ice-cream pot on the furniture and takes his hand to bring him close to her again.

“ _I’ll give up ice-cream to keep dancing with you.”_ She tells him as they resume their dance.

Justin places a gentle kiss on her lips.

“ _The heart wants what it wants.”_ She says, leaning her head on his chest as they keep swaying to the music. 


	185. Would You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Richard Swift – Would You

The night of Liberty High senior prom is finally here. The gang decided to rent a limo for the occasion. Well, Zach’s mom surprisingly insisted to rent one for him and his friends. Jessica is finishing getting ready, putting on some lipstick in the bathroom when the door-bell rings. She looks at herself in the mirror one last time before she goes down the stairs to open the door to her friends who stopped on their way to prom to pick her up. She’s surprised to see Justin and Lainie when she opens it.

“ _Wow. You look...”_ Justin begins.

“ _Really beautiful.”_ Lainie finishes his thought.

“ _Thank you. You are quite handsome as well.”_ She returns Justin’s compliment.

Jessica looks behind them, but doesn’t see her friends and the limo, just one of the Jensen’s Prius.

“ _Aren’t we going to prom with the others?”_ She asks, not understanding.

“ _We are, but Lainie wanted to get here before we left.”_ Justin informs her.

“ _I really wanted to get some pictures of the two of you together before you leave for prom. This is such an important moment. I didn’t want to miss it.”_ Lainie explains, showing her her camera.

“ _Okay, sure.”_ Jessica answers, a little destabilized as Justin joins her.

Lainie takes a dozen pictures, at least, and instructs many different poses.

“ _Are you okay?”_ She asks Jess when she sees her at the edge of tears.

“ _Fine.”_ Jessica answers, lying and trying to keep smiling.

“ _What’s wrong?”_ Justin asks, noticing it too now that Lainie pointed it out.

Lainie stops taking their picture, sensing something is off.

Jessica rubs her eyes, trying to contain her tears as well as she can.

“ _Like you said, it’s just… an important moment and I just wish my parents could be here.”_ She explains.

“ _This is so stupid.”_ She says in a chuckle, feeling dumb for crying over this.

“ _You’re allowed to miss them.”_ Justin reassures her, placing a gentle hand on her back.

“ _I know, but it’s not just that. In movies and TV, the girl’s parents are always there to tell her how beautiful she is and make a snarky remark to her boyfriend and… I don’t know. I just hoped I could have that with them.”_ She says, full on sobbing.

“ _Hey. If you need someone to tell you how beautiful you are I’ll be happy to do it.”_ Justin tries to comfort her, caressing her arm.

“ _And I can remind Justin to be a gentleman with you tonight if you want.”_ Lainie adds.

Jessica wipes her tears.

“ _I’m not usually this emotional over stupid stuff like this.”_ She admits, a little embarrassed.

“ _Get used to it. It will only get worse for a few months.”_ Lainie tells her, knowing pregnancy can cause this kind of behavior.

“ _Well, that’s good to know.”_ Jessica chuckles.

“ _You look gorgeous and I’m sure your parents will regret missing this when I show them those pictures.”_ Lainie tells her.

Jessica gets closer to her and brings her into her arms.

“ _Thank you for being here. You’re really an amazing mom.”_ She offers her.

“ _You may not have your parents, but you have family here. I’ll always be a mom to you when you need one.”_ Lainie tells her.

They move away from one another when they hear their friends arriving in the limo outside, music playing loudly and notice Justin looking at them, with a huge smile on.

“ _The rest of your family’s here.”_ He comments, pointing at the door.

Jessica suddenly realize something.

“ _Is Clay with them?”_ She asks.

“ _Clay’s not coming.”_ Justin informs her.

Before she has the chance to respond, Lainie intervenes.

“ _He didn’t feel like going to prom tonight.”_

“ _Why?”_

Lainie and Justin both exchange a look, but none of them have the answer for that.

“ _I’m gonna leave you two with your friends. Have a nice evening, don’t come home too late and be responsible.”_ Lainie instructs before she leaves the house, stopping on her way to her car to greet Tyler, Tony, Caleb, Zach, Charlie and Alex who are waiting outside the limo.

* * *

Jessica takes a few steps back and looks at herself in the mirror, fixing her make-up one last time.

“ _I don’t really want to explain to the others why I had another break-down this year.”_ She comments jokingly.

“ _Are you really okay?”_ Justin asks, not wanting her to put aside how she feels for the sake of the party.

“ _I am.”_ She responds.

She walks over to him, takes his hands and they exit her house.

“ _I’m really happy to do this with all of you.”_ She adds as they arrive by their friends.

“ _Great, then let’s go to prom.”_ Justin says as the others cheer, their group now complete, and ready to join the party.

“ _We’re not going to prom.”_ Jessica says.

“ _What?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Where are we going exactly?”_ Tyler asks, confused and afraid he missed something.


	186. Appreciated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Rixton – Appreciated

“ _We’re not going to prom.”_ Jessica says.

“ _What?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Where are we going exactly?”_ Tyler asks, confused and afraid he missed something.

“ _We’re going to get Clay.”_ Jessica answers, determined.

“ _He doesn’t want to come.”_ Justin says in a helpless shrug, informing the others at the same time.

“ _Clay’s not coming to senior prom?”_ Zach asks, surprised.

“ _We’re not letting that happen.”_ Tony comments.

“ _Right?”_ Jessica agrees.

“ _I would be happy to change his mind, but it’s Clay. How are we going to do that?”_ Alex asks.

They all look at each other, trying to think of a solution.

* * *

Clay is lying on his bed, reading the last issue of AKR. He wonders how prom is going, if everyone is having fun. He’s sure they are having fun without him to ruin the night. Not only he isn’t needed, but he’s also the source of problems for them most of the time. By staying at home, he’s actually doing them a favor. It’s not like he’s going to miss on something anyway, it’s just a dance where people… dance. Nothing he’s going to regret. There’s a knock on his door.

“ _Come in!”_ He yells, thinking it’s one of his parents trying to change his mind.

The door doesn’t open, but whoever it is knocks again.

He gets up and makes his way to the door, a little annoyed. He opens it abruptly, ready to tell his mother to leave him alone when he sees all his friends standing outside.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ He asks, his annoyance still showing.

“ _We wanted to hang out with you.”_ Charlie says.

“ _We could watch a movie or play a board game or something.”_ Alex adds.

“ _We could go out and have a bite at Rosie’s.”_ Tony adds.

“ _What about prom?”_ Clay asks.

“ _You don’t want to go to prom.”_ Tyler responds.

“ _And we want to hang out with you so...”_ Zach adds.

“ _I guess we’re not going to prom.”_ Justin says in a detached tone.

“ _You’re clearly all dressed for prom.”_ Clay comments.

“ _It would be a shame to wear this to Rosie’s.”_ Caleb agrees.

“ _I’m not kidding when I say it was a work out to put on this dress.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _So go to prom.”_ Clay tells them.

“ _That’s the thing you don’t get...”_ Justin responds.

“ _We’re not going to prom without you.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _Why?”_ Clay asks.

“ _Because we need you man.”_ Tony answers to which Clay rolls his eyes.

“ _We do.”_ Justin agrees.

Clay doesn’t responds so Jessica decides to take things further. She walks inside the outhouse and forces him to take a step back, letting everyone in.

“ _You guys are not missing prom because of me.”_ Clay comments when he joins everyone inside.

“ _We just want to be together, all of us, so if that means missing prom, so be it.”_ Tyler answers, sitting down at the table.

“ _I’m not worth it.”_ Clay says.

“ _Are you kidding me?”_ Alex asks.

“ _You realize you’re like… the glue holding this whole group together?”_ Charlie points out.

“ _Jess is the one doing that.”_ Clay corrects him.

“ _That’s true, but only because you’ve inspired me to do so. Without you I would have given up long ago.”_ She responds.

“ _I’m no fun at dances.”_ Clay replies.

“ _That’s not true. I remember having a lot of fun with you at Spring Fling.”_ Zach comments.

“ _If I remember correctly, you insisted the two of us should join you on the dance-floor.”_ Justin reminds him.

Clay rolls his eyes again. That is true, they had a lot of fun at Spring Fling for a few hours.

“ _It’s okay if you don’t want to dance, but that doesn’t mean you should stay here alone all night.”_ Tony says.

“ _Especially when you have that many people who want to spend their night with you.”_ Jessica comments.

Clay sighs, it’s not like he has anything to defend his choice when they are right.

“ _So, either we stay here, order a pizza and hang out all night, or you go get ready and we all go to prom together.”_ Justin offers.

“ _After all the trouble you two went through for your promposals, it wouldn’t be fair to let you miss prom.”_ Clay responds, pointing at his brother and Charlie.

Everyone cheers, happy he changed his mind. After that, Clay leaves their side to get ready.

* * *

When he comes back to the outhouse, only Jessica is left.

“ _They’re all waiting in the limo. I got hungry.”_ She explains jokingly, as she finishes a cookie.

“ _You look adorable.”_ She adds.

“ _Thanks.”_ He responds shyly, putting on his suit's jacket.

“ _I’m glad you changed your mind, it wouldn’t have felt right to do this without you.”_ She comments as she gets up and takes his arm.

“ _I’m not sure about that.”_ He says, as they walk to the car.

“ _After everything you did for all of us, you really think we would celebrate our last dance at Liberty without you? We need you Clay.”_

She answers, opening the door to the limo.

“ _Jensen!”_ Zach cheers as he joins his friends in the car.

“ _You look good in a suit.”_ Charlie tells him.

Alex shoves him in the arm playfully.

“ _Hey!”_ He pretends to be offended his boyfriend complimented Clay.

“ _Jessica told me I looked hot.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _I told him he was adorable!”_ She defends herself.

“ _Are you guys ready to go?”_ The driver asks from the front seat.

“ _We are. Let’s go to prom!”_ Zach responds.

“ _Liberty High Senior Fucking Prom!”_ Tony cheers.

Everyone joins him, and for a moment, all they are sharing is pure excitement, joy and laughter.

Clay is laughing too, forgetting why he even questioned going to prom with his friends, yes, friends. These are his friends, some he even considers family now, some actually are family.


	187. You’re Not Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Blood Orange – You’re Not Good Enough

When they arrive at prom, almost everybody is already seating down, ready to eat dinner before the real party starts.

“ _Wow. This is… a lot.”_ Alex comments.

“ _I’m actually borderline impressed.”_ Clay agrees.

“ _Yeah, Jessica Davis does not fuck around.”_ Charlie adds, knowing one of her task for community service was to decorate the gym with other students.

“ _No she doesn’t.”_ Jessica comments.

Thanks to Clay, their late arrival is noticed by many students and they make their way to their table under their stares, but they don’t care at all because they finally made it, they are all at Liberty High Senior Prom together.

“ _You have some serious competition. Everyone brought their A game for this.”_ Alex tells Jessica once they are seated.

“ _What do you mean?”_ She doesn’t understand.

“ _To be elected prom queen.”_ Alex answers.

“ _Not a chance.”_ She tells him.

“ _Why? In junior year it seemed impossible you and Justin wouldn’t win prom king and queen. The popular jock and his popular cheerleader girlfriend.”_ Clay comments.

“ _A lot changed since then.”_ Justin points out, getting up to get some drinks with Tyler.

“ _They always vote for whoever the football team wants, and that is definitely not me.”_ Jessica tells them.

“ _You have my vote.”_ Charlie offers.

“ _Mine too.”_ Zach adds.

“ _Thanks, but I don’t need a crown to enjoy the night.”_ She explains.

Justin and Tyler come back to the table and pass drinks to everyone.

“ _Oh my god.”_ Jessica chokes on her drink.

Zach takes the glass from her hand in a quick motion.

“ _The punch is dosed.”_ He comments.

“ _Did you do that?”_ Justin asks.

“ _I haven’t left the table since we arrived and why would I do that?”_ Zach defends himself.

“ _Why would someone add...”_ Justin takes a sip from his glass. _“… vodka to this?”_ He gets angry.

“ _Chill.”_ Clay tells him.

Justin looks at him, surprised he’s the one telling him to chill.

“ _You’re one to talk by the way.”_ Jessica teases him.

Clay nods, agreeing with her.

“ _And why is that?”_ Justin asks, curious.

“ _If I remember correctly a certain winter dance, you where the one dosing the punch.”_ Clay explains.

“ _I didn’t dose the punch.”_ Justin points out.

“ _Yeah, that one time it was me.”_ Zach confesses.

“ _No, but you were the one passing around a flask of hard liquor.”_ Jessica reminds him.

Justin rolls his eyes.

“ _So I shouldn’t get mad because I once was a dumb asshole too?”_ He asks.

“ _No, you should chill out because because this is still high-school and it wouldn’t be one without some dumb assholes.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _And thank god you’re not one of them anymore.”_ Clay comments playfully.

They all laugh at his comment and enjoy their dinner.


	188. Over Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Mk.gee - Over Here

After dinner, everyone kinda goes their own way. Tyler begins taking pictures of the dance. Zach shows his moves on the dance-floor with Caleb. Tony and Clay join Cyrus and his group. Charlie and Justin regroup with the foot-ball team.

Alex and Jessica stay seated at the table in silence. They are happy to be here, but they can’t help and feel guilty for it, guilty for enjoying this night, guilty for being happy.

“ _Ooh! What is up, sexies?”_ Zach joins them, clearly in a good mood.

“ _You guys are sitting here like it’s a fucking funeral.”_ He comments.

“ _Dancing is not required.”_ Alex responds.

“ _It’s not, but did you really come here to sit and brood all night?”_ Zach asks.

“ _We’re not brooding. We’re just…”_ Jessica answers.

“ _Sitting together in silence?”_ Zach finishes her sentence.

None of them responds, they look at everyone having fun around them.

“ _Are we ever gonna feel OK? Like, normally OK, ever?”_ Alex asks after a few seconds.

“ _I haven’t felt normally OK in a long, long time, but I’m going to find ways to enjoy tonight. I refuse to waste my time here.”_ Jessica replies, looking at Justin and the jocks.

Alex does the same, his stare focused on Charlie who offers him a smile.

“ _I don’t see that happening for me because all I can think about is that…. He should be here, with them.”_ Alex explains.

“ _He should be alive.”_ He adds.

Jessica shakes her head. Of course Bryce should be alive, but even now that he’s gone, he’s still this presence in her life she can’t seem to escape and her frustration at this forces her to find ways to justify the fact he doesn’t belong here.

“ _He’d be drunk. He’d be choosing his next victim and making you feel poor and lame and not a man.”_ She tells Alex, knowing it’s not fair, but wanting to lift up as much guilt from his shoulders as she can, doing the same for her at the same time.

“ _I’m not a man.”_ Alex responds.

“ _That’s bullshit.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _He didn’t deserve to die.”_ Alex tells her, almost scolding her. Finding excuses to justify this isn’t okay.

“ _No. No, he didn’t.”_ Zach intervenes.

“ _But neither do we. And this, this isn’t fucking living. He ruined our fucking lives, all three of us. So, no, he didn’t deserve to die, but we deserve to live.”_ He continues.

“ _So… you two are coming with me to the dance-floor.”_

Alex and Jessica stare at him like he’s insane.

“ _To be clear, this isn’t an offer, it’s an order.”_ He adds.

Alex rolls his eyes and Jess shakes her head.

“ _Or, I’ll stay seated with you brooding for the rest of the night.”_ Zach offers.

“ _It’s not fair to use my tactic to get Clay here against us.”_ Jessica replies.

“ _Oh, it is. Why did you want him to come exactly if you didn’t want to really enjoy the dance with him?”_ Zach retorts.

“ _I don’t dance.”_ Alex points out.

“ _Oh shit.”_ Zach says, noticing Clay laughing loudly with Tyler.

The three of them chuckle, happy to see Clay enjoying himself.

“ _That needs some sort of celebration.”_ Jessica says, getting up, ready to join Zach on the dance-floor.

“ _Uh?”_ Zach offers Alex his hand.

Alex gets up, but doesn’t take his hand.

“ _I’m going to get something to drink.”_ He explains.

“ _Baby steps.”_ Zach comments with a smile as he and Jess make their way to the dance-floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because they are pretty short and the story is not that different from the show. I might do this for every chapter about prom since they are all pretty short.


	189. I Love Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Regrettes- I Love Us

“ _All right, Liberty High!”_ Charlie announces in the microphone.

Everyone stops dancing to look at him.

“ _The votes are in. It’s time to announce the prom king and queen!”_

Students cheer and applause.

“ _Votes tabulated by the chaperones, and you know it’s secure_ _be_ _cause it was overseen by Dean Foundry.”_ He explains, pointing at the man standing by the stage as everyone cheers.

“ _Thank you.”_ Charlie tells him, taking the envelop he’s handing him.

He slowly opens it and he seems surprised by the result.

“ _Uhm...”_ A smile comes to his face.

“ _The prom king and queen are… well, … actually…”_

Everyone looks at him, not understanding what is going on.

“ _Your prom royalty… Alex Standall and Zach Dempsey!”_ He announces, causing the football team to break in laughter as everyone else applause, not realizing this is more of a prank than anything serious.

“ _Are they kidding me?”_ Alex comments, seating down at their table with some of his friends.

“ _Those senior pranks are getting old.”_ Clay agrees.

“ _Where are they?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _Here!”_ Zach yells, coming up to the stage.

Alex shoots a terrified look towards Charlie, not wanting to do this.

“ _It seems we’re one prom king short. Alex Standall, come on up!”_ Charlie encourages him.

Alex doesn’t really have a choice so he joins them on the stage, reluctantly.

“ _Sorry.”_ Charlie tells him.

“ _Don’t be! We’re prom kings man, that’s cool.”_ Zach reassures him.

“ _So… who wants the crown and who wants… the tiara?”_ Charlie asks them, a little awkwardly.

“ _I’ll take the tiara.”_ Zach offers, knowing there’s no chance Alex is going to wear it.

Charlie takes it and places it on Zach’s head.

“ _Can I say no?”_ Alex asks before Charlie puts the crown on his head.

“ _And let them win? No way.”_ Charlie responds. They wanted to embarrass them and not doing this would only make them happier.

He takes the crown and puts it on Alex’s head.

“ _You’re my king anyway.”_ He tells him as he does.

Alex offers him a thankful smile.

“ _King Zach, King Alex, it’s time for your first dance as Liberty High School royalty!”_ The DJ announces.

Everyone cheers and encourages them, including Charlie.

“ _This is living. Let’s show them how it’s done.”_ Zach tells Alex as he offers him his hand.

People cheer and clap even louder and begin to whistle as Alex takes Zach’s hand.

Alex and Zach make their way to the middle of the dance-floor and begin to dance together.

“ _You shouldn’t feel embarrassed to do this.”_ Zach tells him.

“ _I’m not a good dancer.”_ Alex responds, feeling all the eyes on him.

“ _You’re better than you were when we were practicing your moves in your bedroom before Spring Fling.”_ Zach responds.

“ _You must be a good coach.”_ Alex teases him.

Everyone starts to join them on the dance-floor.

Jessica looks at the both of them dancing and is happy to see Alex decided to do it. He actually seems happy. She turns her head to her right when she hears Tyler’s taking her picture.

“ _Why don’t you drop the camera for a while and dance with me?”_ She offers him.

“ _You’re sure?”_ He ask, not used to girls asking him to dance.

“ _Yes, if Zach and Alex can share a dance, I don’t see why we shouldn’t.”_ She replies.

Tyler nods, they make their way to the dance-floor and dance together.

“ _I never thought I would be dancing with the most popular girl in school during my senior prom.”_ Tyler tells her.

“ _Life is full of surprises.”_ She responds in a chuckle.

“ _And not all bad it turns out.”_ He comments as they keep dancing, just happy to be here and share something together.

Zach takes Alex hand and offers it to Charlie.

“ _It’s time you dance with your rightful king.”_ He comments.

Zach takes off his tiara and places it on Charlie’s head.

“ _Hey! He can’t be prom king, he’s not a senior!”_ Luke tells him.

“ _So?”_ Zach asks in a shrug, _like it matters_.

“ _No, seriously, it’s like, a rule. We wanted to elect Charlie and Alex, but we couldn’t.”_ Luke explains.

“ _Yeah, right.”_ Alex comments, not buying this.

“ _Seriously. You two are like the best couple at school.”_ Luke offers.

“ _That’s nice to hear.”_ Justin comments.

“ _Come on bro, you’re sleeping with the enemy.”_ Luke points out to him.

“ _Okay, I need a drink.”_ Justin replies in a chuckle as he leaves their side, not hurt by it, amused more than anything else.

“ _It only turned into a prank when Beecher heard about the kiss. We figured it was a good compromise since at least our captain would win… the tiara.”_ Luke explains.

“ _Well, you can keep the tiara, I’ll just take Alex.”_ Charlie jokes, taking his boyfriend’s hand and leading him on the dance-floor. 


	190. Give Yourself A Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The 1975 – Give Yourself A Try

Clay is seated alone at the table as he watches his friends dance.

“ _You look lonely.”_ Tony tells him, seating next to him.

“ _I’m not, I’m having a good time.”_ Clay answers.

“ _Yeah?”_ Tony asks, hoping it’s true.

“ _Yeah. I mean, everything’s burning so brightly tonight, and I just… I’m… I’m trying to take it all in. I’m trying to burn it all into my memory. I’m a high-school senior, you know?”_ Clay responds, a smile on his face, just enjoying the night so far.

“ _There have been moments these past few years when I forgot about high-school altogether, and I just… I mean, it’s been a crazy ride and… and horrible, but also… kind of amazing. I have lived and felt alive in a way that I never thought I would. I’ve had friendships I never thought I’d have.”_ He continues.

Tony gets up from his chair to drop a kiss on his cheek.

“ _I love you, man!”_ He tells Clay which causes him to chuckle.

“ _I’m… I’m just trying to be here… now, before it’s gone.”_ Clay explains.

“ _You don’t regret coming?”_ Tony asks.

“ _No, I’m glad you forced my hand.”_ Clay answers.

“ _It’s what friends are here for.”_ Tony points out.

* * *

“ _How are you feeling?”_ Caleb asks Justin at the bar.

“ _Great, I’m having a great night so far.”_ He responds.

“ _You’re leaving for Occidental at the end of the summer right?”_

“ _Yeah, I am.”_

“ _What are you going to do for the summer?”_

“ _Hopefully find a job.”_

“ _You haven’t find anything yet?”_

“ _No, my resume is far from impressive.”_

“ _Tony told me about it. What are looking for exactly?”_

“ _Anything that would get us some money.”_

“ _Tony agreed to leave me in charge of the garage when he leaves to Nevada.”_

“ _He trusts you.”_ Justin says in a nod.

“ _I hope he’s not wrong to do it. The thing is, it means I’m gonna have to manage two businesses now and that’s a lot. Javier is going to help a lot at the garage, but I can’t let him take care of everything on his own. I could use your help.”_ Caleb offers.

“ _I don’t know anything about cars.”_

“ _I know, but you could help at the gym.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah, I immediately thought of asking you, but it’s not a full time job. I’ll only need you a few days a week at the gym while I take care of the shop. The pay isn’t that great, but I couldn’t care less about your resume and it would give you a chance to keep working out during the summer to get in shape in time for college.”_

“ _You’re offering me a job?”_ Justin asks, surprised.

“ _I am.”_

“ _I don’t know, I don’t want to let you or Tony down.”_

“ _You won’t. I know you’re capable of doing this and I would prefer to give the job to you than a stranger. I know you need the money and both Tony and I are more than happy to help.”_

“ _Thanks man. This is really big of you.”_

Justin responds, shaking his hand.

“ _What are friends for?”_ Caleb replies as they join Tony and Clay at the table.

* * *

“ _You don’t regret not DJ’ing this dance?”_ Clay asks Tony.

“ _I don’t. That way I can enjoy the night with you instead.”_ Tony responds.

“ _You enjoy eating his desert.”_ Caleb jokes, siting down next to his boyfriend.

“ _You were a great DJ.”_ Clay points out.

“ _This one’s not bad either.”_ Justin comments, seating down at Clay’s side.

“ _Tony has always been the best DJ.”_ Clay decides to defend his best friend’s honor.

“ _I guess you were alright.”_ Justin says in a shrug to Tony, trying to tease Clay more than anything.

“ _I should have never agreed to look for your sorry ass in Oakland.”_ Tony teases him back.

“ _I’m glad you did.”_ Justin comments, looking at everyone he loves in the room.

“ _Seriously, I never thanked you, but… I owe you a lot.”_ He continues, his eyes settling on Jessica dancing with Tyler.

“ _I owe you everything.”_ He adds.

“ _No need to thank me, I’m glad I did. Not only for you, but for everyone.”_ Tony responds.

“ _Now, if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to dance with my girlfriend before Tyler steals her from me.”_ Justin jokes as he leaves their side.

“ _Fuck it, I’m dancing too.”_ Tony lets out, getting up.

“ _All right, then.”_ Caleb joins him.

“ _You’re coming?”_ Tony asks Clay.

“ _Uhm… I’ll join you. I need another drink before I’m ready to make a fool of myself.”_ He responds.


	191. True Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Galantis - True Feeling

Clay is siting alone at the table, looking at all his friends dancing together, happy.

> _Yeah, I care about prom, who knew? Am I happy? Are all of them happy? Or is it just the illusion of this dance? Feeling that it is, like, not an ending and not a beginning. A moment suspended in time where we aren’t one thing or the other, when nothing is lost. We are just here. Free. Alive. Once the moment is gone, will all this be gone too? Will we just go back to feeling sad, angry, lost and trapped? After this, what is going to change? Nothing. As happy as we all feel right now, we can’t change what happened._

He looks at Justin and Jessica dancing next to Tyler. 

> _The traumas will always be with them. For the three of them, it won’t disappear, their rape happened, there’s no changing that._

He looks over at Charlie and Alex dancing together.

> _Alex is alive, but his scars won’t disappear either, even if his hair covers the ones on his head, even while he’s wearing this crown._

He finishes his drink.

> _I didn’t miss the taste of this cheap punch dosed with even cheaper alcohol some dumb jock decided to add. I miss Hannah. I miss Jeff. That will never change. They’re both gone, forever._

He gets up to get a refill. When he arrives at the bar, he tries his best to ignore Diego who is pouring himself some punch. He extends his hand to offer to refill Clay’s glass.

“ _I can do it myself.”_ Clay tells him coldly.

“ _Listen, man, I never apologized to you.”_ Diego tries.

“ _You don’t have to. I don’t need your apology.”_ Clay responds.

“ _I get it, you think I’m just a dumb jock.”_ Diego points out.

“ _You are. You’re also…”_ Clay refrains himself from calling him a rapist, it not being the place nor time to do this.

“… _I don’t get what she ever saw in you.”_ Clay continues.

Diego scoffs.

“ _Don’t pretend you don’t know.”_ He tells Clay.

“ _Know what? That obviously she was charmed by your massive ego?”_

“ _So you really have no idea?”_

“ _I don’t, that’s what I’ve been telling you. It doesn’t make any sense. Yes, she dated Justin when he was also a dumb jock, but I thought she learned her lesson.”_

“ _Are you blaming her?”_

“ _For going out with you, yes.”_

“ _I guess I’m not the only asshole then.”_

Clay shakes his head. Yes, he’s quick to blame Jess, but going out with Diego was a bad idea he never understood and probably never will. He pours himself a drink, not wanting to let Diego get to his head.

“ _She had a good reason to go out with me.”_ Diego tells him.

Clay ignores him.

“ _She did it for you.”_ He lets out.

“ _Please. That doesn’t make any sense.”_ Clay responds.

“ _It does. I didn’t think it was the only reason at the time and now I know the other was to make Justin jealous, but I know now being actually interested in me was never a factor.”_

Clay looks at him, interested to know more.

“ _She made a deal with me. If I stopped coming after you, she would date me.”_ Diego explains.

“ _I never asked her to do that.”_ Clay informs him.

“ _You never had to. That girl has your back. Well, every one of your friends has your back from what I’ve witnessed this year.”_

“ _Why are you telling me this?”_ Clay asks. _Is this some sort of trap?_

“ _You had my back too during the riot. So, like I said, I wanted to apologize and… and thank you for that.”_ Diego explains before he leaves his side.

Clay watches him going back to his friends and sees his friends still dancing in the crowd.

> _Yeah, they care about me and I about them. We’re all here, now, free and most importantly, alive. Why let the moment leave without making the most of it?_

__

He finishes his drink in one gulp and decides to join them.

> _Why worry about what comes next? The night is getting later and all I want to do right now is to be with them._

Every one of his friend cheer when he joins them on the dance-floor and they dance, together, and they keep dancing, like there is nothing else but this night and this moment suspended in time that they share. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter today. You'll get two tomorrow, but don't get used to it ahah   
> Hope you're still enjoying the story!   
> We're almost caught up with the show, everything beyond that is 100% original content.


	192. Prom Theme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Fountains Of Wayne – Prom Theme

After he danced with his boyfriend and his friends for quite some time, Alex decides to take a break. As much as he wants to keep dancing, the pain in his leg reminds him he should take it easy. He sits down at his table and takes a sip of his drink. He sees Winston at the corner of the dance-floor and offers him a smile. The boy lets go of his camera and makes his way to sit with him.

“ _It’s quite the evening for you King Alex.”_ Winston tells him.

Alex chuckles.

“ _Yeah, it’s… a lot. Are you having fun?”_

Winston nods.

“ _Can I ask you something?”_ He asks.

“ _Anything.”_ Alex responds.

“ _Did you ever really like me?”_

“ _Yeah. Yes. You opened up a new world for me. You helped me figure out stuff about myself. I loved being with you.”_

“ _Yeah, me too.”_

“ _You understand why I ended up things between us now.”_ Alex explains.

“ _I do, I just wish all of this would be different.”_

“ _Me too.”_ Alex agrees.

Winston looks up at Charlie who joins them.

“ _I’m going to leave you two alone.”_ Winston offers as he leaves them.

“ _Everything okay?”_ Charlie asks Alex, siting down.

“ _Yeah, everything is fine.”_ Alex replies with a reassuring smile.

“ _Nice move to ditch me just before the slow.”_ Charlie teases him.

“ _I had no idea this was coming. My leg is just aching a bit.”_ Alex explains.

“ _But… I think I can push through the pain for this one.”_ Alex offers his hand to Charlie as he gets up.

“ _Wow. I can’t believe you’re asking me to dance.”_ Charlie is happy to see Alex getting this comfortable.

* * *

Clay is on his way back from outside after taking some air with Tyler, Cyrus and Zach when Bolan accosts him.

“ _Clay Jensen, just the student I was looking for.”_

“ _Is something wrong?”_

“ _Not at all, don’t worry. I wanted to announce you that you are class valedictorian.”_

“ _Me? My results have dropped a lot this year.”_

“ _They have dropped a little, but you’re still maintaining a strong GPA and it’s impressive, especially considering everything you’ve been through.”_

“ _So, I’m valedictorian because you feel bad for me?”_

“ _No, you’re valedictorian because you’re the student with the highest GPA if we take into account the last fours years altogether.”_

“ _Thanks… I guess.”_

“ _This means you’ll be giving the speech at graduation.”_ Bolan informs him.

“ _The speech? Isn’t the student body president supposed to give a speech as well?”_

“ _Usually yes, but this year he’s not a senior.”_

“ _Do I have a choice?”_

“ _You don’t. You have to say a few words, at least, and you need to submit your speech to me beforehand. Let’s avoid any riot this time.”_ Bolan tries to joke.

“ _One condition.”_ Clay tells him.

Bolan shows him he’s ready to hear him out.

“ _I agree to give a speech if Jessica Davis does too.”_

“ _Clay.”_ Bolan objects.

“ _She resigned, but she kept doing all she could to make everything better for everyone in this class. You know as well as I do she’s the reason things began to change in the first place because she chose to fight for all of us. If this isn’t being a good student body president I don’t know what is. She doesn’t have the title, but she did the work.”_

Bolan nods.

“ _Okay. Both of you are giving speeches at Graduation. Both sanctioned by me of course.”_

“ _Agreed. Thank you.”_

“ _Enjoy the rest of your night Mr.Jensen.”_ Bolan taps on his shoulder before letting him join his friends.

* * *

Justin and Jessica are dancing together.He looks into her eyes, shining bright, looking straight into his.

“ _I love you more than life.”_ He lets out, too in love to keep it inside him any longer.

“ _Don’t love anything more than life.”_ She responds, a warm smile on her face.

“ _Okay.”_ Justin agrees, bringing her closer to him as they keep swaying to the music.

Jessica sighs, feeling so completely happy at this moment before she lets go of him and takes is hand.

“ _I have something to show you.”_ She explains as she invites him to follow her. 


	193. Back to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Back to you - Selena Gómez (Acoustic version)

“ _What are we doing here?”_ Justin asks Jess as they enter the locker-room hand in hand.

“ _Because I wanted to give something back to you before we got here tonight, but I forgot.”_

She hands him a piece of fabric. He unfolds it and realizes it’s his tie, the one he was wearing at Spring Fling.

“ _You kept this? I looked everywhere for it the next day, thinking Clay would freak out when I tell him I lost his tie.”_

Jessica chuckles.

“ _That doesn’t explain what we’re doing here.”_ Justin points out.

“ _This tie, this place, it means a lot to me.”_ She begins to explain as she sits on the bench.

“ _Why?”_ Justin asks, joining her on the bench.

“ _This is the moment I realized I’ll never stop loving you.”_

Justin looks at her, his eyes full of the same love.

“ _You know why I kissed you that night?”_

“ _Because I’m pretty hot?”_ Justin teases her.

Jessica giggles.

“ _I’m being serious.”_ He jokes.

“ _You are, but that’s not the only reason. You said… you told me something and you were so honest and open with me. All of the sudden, you were the boy I fell in love with in the first place again. All of the sudden, I felt connected to you again, like I used to.”_

“ _I told you I wanted to be alive, I wanted to live.”_ Justin nods, remembering it.

“ _I don’t think you could have said anything else to make me happier at that moment.”_

“ _I’ve never felt connected to someone as much as I do with you. With you I don’t even try to be open and honest, I just am. I’m just me.”_

Jessica kisses him, like she did that night, but the kiss doesn’t turn into something more.

“ _Why did you keep this exactly? Some kind of trophy?”_ Justin asks jokingly, looking at the tie in his hands.

“ _I couldn’t let you go so I took it off the ground before you had a chance to grab it yourself. To have something of you if I couldn’t have you. I didn’t think it was a possibility anymore.”_

“ _Why keeping it all this time before telling me? We got back together not that long after that.”_

“ _Because I had hope. Hope that someday, we’ll finally be together. Not hiding, not ashamed, just… together and in love. I thought I could give you your tie back once I knew I would have you back for good.”_

“ _You could have given me my tie back the night of Spring Fling then, because all you had to do to have me back for good was to let me in again.”_

“ _That’s sweet, but untrue. Do I need to remind you you broke up with me not once, but twice since Spring Fling?”_

Justin looks at the ground, guilty he made things so complicated for them.

“ _I’ll never make this mistake again.”_ He tells her.

Jessica drops a gentle kiss on this shoulder before she leans her head on it. Justin looks back up and drops a kiss on her forehead.

“ _Are you going to give Clay his tie back?”_ She asks jokingly, not liking seeing him question his past decisions.

Justin chuckles.

“ _I doubt he’d want it if he knew why it was missing for more than a year.”_

Justin’s comment makes Jessica giggle.

“ _I’m glad you brought me here.”_ He tells her.

“ _Making out with my prom-date is kinda high on the list of things I wanted to experience during my senior-prom.”_ He explains.

“ _Oh, I could have given you this tie anywhere else. I knew what I was doing.”_ Jessica answers, bringing her face closer and closer to his.

“ _You won’t need to keep my bow tie tonight.”_ Justin whispers against her lips.

“ _I have you.”_ Jessica whispers back before kissing him.

“ _All of me.”_ Justin adds between two kisses before they take things further. 


	194. Here Comes a Regular

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Here Comes a Regular (2008 Remaster) - The Replacements

The last week of school went by fast and here they were, the morning of Graduation day. Tony and Clay are sharing a coffee at Monet’s.

“ _He approved your speech?”_ Tony asks.

“ _Yeah and more surprisingly, he approved Jessica’s.”_ Clay answers jokingly.

“ _So she finally agreed to do it?”_

“ _It took some convincing, but when Alex, Justin, Charlie and I all insisted, she couldn’t refuse.”_

Tony nods, taking a sip of his coffee before he asks.

“ _Did she tell you why she wanted to meet us?”_

“ _No, but I guess she just wants to catch up and say hi.”_

“ _Did you bring it?”_

“ _Yeah… do you still think it’s a good idea?”_

“ _I do. Tyler and Winston did a good job. I think she’ll like this.”_

Clay nods, still debating it when a woman enters the coffee-shop and joins them.

“ _Hi.”_ She offers them warmly.

“ _Hi.”_ Clay responds, getting up to hug her.

“ _It’s good to see you Olivia.”_ Tony says, doing the same.

Mrs. Baker sits with them.

“ _It’s good to see the both of you. How are you doing?”_ She asks them.

“ _Doing alright. Clay here is just a little nervous about the speech.”_ Tony answers.

“ _Your parents must be so proud of you.”_ Olivia tells him.

“ _They are.”_ Clay answers, nodding.

“ _I am too, of both of you.”_ She tells them, placing a gentle hand on theirs.

“ _Why did you wanted to meet us?”_ Clay asks, his curiousness getting the best of him.

“ _Oh, I wanted to say hello before your big day and… there’s something I want to give you.”_ She explains.

“ _We… we have something for you too actually.”_ Tony lets out, taking this opportunity to address the subject.

Clay takes out something from his backpack and slides it on the table.

“ _This is your yearbook?”_ Olivia asks, her fingers brushing over the cover.

“ _It’s… it’s Hannah’s.”_ Clay responds.

“ _Tyler decided to do one for her… for you to keep.”_ Tony explains.

“ _We hope it’s okay. Maybe… maybe it’s a bad idea.”_ Clay regrets this choice when he sees how upset it makes her.

She opens the yearbook and sees the messages people wrote in, so many messages, so many people, who wanted to says a few words about Hannah. She brushes her fingers on the pages and brings a hand to her face.

“ _No, no, it’s… it’s a really nice thing you did.”_ She answers, touched and moved more than upset, a tremor in her voice.

“ _We wanted you to know she’s not forgotten.”_ Tony says.

She goes though it and stops at the memorial page dedicated to her daughter.

“ _She looks so beautiful in this picture.”_ She comments.

“ _She does.”_ Clay agrees.

“ _It’s… thank you.”_ Olivia tells them, touched her daughter is not forgotten and they chose to do something to honor her.

“ _I can’t believe almost two years have passed.”_ She adds.

“ _It seems so long ago, but sometimes it’s like it just happened days ago.”_ Clay expresses.

Olivia nods, debating too if she should do what she came here for.

“ _The court… they send me her tapes.”_ She lets out.

“ _And to be honest I don’t know what to do with them, but…. But I think you two should have them. You were there for Hannah in life and in death, when I couldn’t be. There was something of her you have, that I never will. Those tapes were never made for me.”_ She explains, placing the shoe box both boys remember too well on the table.

“ _Their fate belongs with you.”_ She adds, offering them a sympathetic smile.

“ _Olivia… those tapes, they mean a lot to you.”_ Tony doesn’t want to accept it, while Clay is speechless, his stare focused on the shoe-box.

“ _They do, but they mean a lot more to you and… Hannah made them for you.”_

“ _Are you sure?”_ Clay asks.

“ _I am. This is what Hannah wanted.”_ She responds, confident about her choice.

The boys nod, accepting it, even though they have no idea what to say or do about it.

“ _What do you want us do to with them?”_ Clay asks.

“ _It’s up to you. Whatever you decide.”_ She responds.

“ _Thank you.”_ Tony offers her. Those tapes do mean a lot to him, just as they do for Clay and probably everyone on them.

“ _Are your parents coming today?”_ She asks Tony.

“ _No, they can’t. I’ll see them this summer.”_ Tony answers, acting like it doesn’t hurt him.

“ _I’ll be here for them.”_ Olivia tells him.

“ _I know my parents will be too.”_ Clay adds.

“ _I know I’m not alone.”_ Tony responds, happy that his chosen family will be here today, even tough his real family won’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about yesterday ! Something came up and I couldn't publish the two chapters I promised you. Jack's comment made me laugh, but I'm only publishing three today anyway because the next one deserves to be published on his own ;) Any idea what it could be about? (One clue below for those who want to know more)
> 
> Clue : It's a rewrite of one of the fandom's favorite scenes.


	195. Always Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Always Gold – Radical Face

After his meeting with Olivia and Tony at Monet’s, Clay is seating on his bed, thinking about the past four years and wondering what they should do about the tapes. He’s going through his yearbook, more specifically, the memorial pages.

> Four people are not here to graduate today, four teenager dead way before their time.

His speech is about the future. How about their future? How can he get on stage this afternoon and talk about what comes next when he’s not capable of making any sense of the past? His gaze darts from the yearbook to land on the shoe-box containing Hannah’s tapes.

> What was Hannah’s purpose? What did she want? Why did she record those tapes and gave them to each one of us? She wanted her story to be heard, but it was more than that. She wanted things to change, to get better.

He looks back at the yearbook and turns the page.

> Bryce and Monty. Both dead after her tapes.

When he listened to them, he knew things should change and he tried his best to make sure they did, but did they? How could they lose two more people after that? How could Chloe and Tyler go through what they did after after that? How did he let that happen?

> Did anyone really change? Did anything really change?

He made a promise to himself after Hannah he wouldn’t let things like this happen ever again, but he did. Did he really try? Did he really change? Did he learn anything? His biggest regret will always be leaving Hannah that night at Jessica’s party. Him leaving, running away from the problem, not trying harder, not being here.

> Did I let Hannah down again? How many times did I run away instead of being there? Instead of making a change? Instead of helping?

He’s brought back to reality by Justin opening the door to the outhouse to join him. He quickly hides the shoe-box behind his pillow, not wanting to ruin Justin’s day.

“ _You seem in a good mood.”_ Clay comments.

“ _You don’t.”_ Justin replies, making his way to sit on his bed, facing Clay.

“ _Do you think things changed? Or… has it really just been four years of misery and death?”_ Clay asks, looking at the pages in the yearbook.

“ _It hasn’t been four years of constant happiness, but it wasn’t all misery and death.”_ Justin shrugs.

“ _Really? Because for some reason I can’t seem to find how_ _our lives are so much better now than they were two years ago.”_

“ _You don’t see any change?”_ Justin asks, a little hurt Clay doesn’t notice how their relationship has evolved.

“ _Yeah, I mean, yes, things have changed, but… I don’t know. I’m just wondering if that includes me.”_

“ _If you changed?”_ Justin tries to understand.

“ _Not me, but… if I changed anything. If I made any difference, if my actions lead to anything…_ _good or if all my choices just made everything worse for everyone around me.”_

“ _Clay, of course you did.”_ Justin can’t believe Clay doesn’t realize that.

“ _Did I?”_ Clay asks, lost and not seeing it.

Justin sighs and gets up.

“ _Where are you going?”_ Clay asks, not really expecting the discussion to end like this.

Justin opens a drawer and takes out a sheet of paper. He walks up to Clay and hands it to him.

“ _This is the essay that got me into Occidental.”_ He explains.

“ _Uhm… well, good for you. I don’t see how...”_ Clay doesn’t understand, but Justin cuts him off.

“ _Just read it.”_ He tells him, sitting back on his bed.

“ _I’m not going to read it. It’s personal.”_

“ _I just gave it to you to read.”_ Justin tells him, it’s not like he’s doing it against his will.

Clay unfolds the paper and clears his throat before he begins to read.

“ _I didn’t really grow up with much positivity in my life. And if I had any influences around me, they were definitely bad._ _My mother was a drug addict. Her revolving door of boyfriends, mostly drug addicts too. I had a best friend I used to look up to, but then he hurt people close to me, and now he’s dead.”_

Clay stops reading and looks up at Justin.

“ _Jesus Justin, is that supposed to cheer me up?”_

“ _Just… keep going.”_ Justin tells him.

Clay inhales deeply before he continues to read Justin’s essay.

“ _There was a time in my life I truly had nothing but the clothes on my back and the regret for the people I’d hurt. And then a person came into my life. A person named Clay Jensen.”_

Clay is kinda destabilized and looks up at Justin again.

“ _You wrote about me?”_

__

“ _They, uh… They said to write about a positive influence in your life.”_ Justin explains.

Clay sighs and continues his reading.

“ _Even when I was puking all over his room, he was there. He’s always been there, which is why even though I’ve never had a proper family, I know what it feels like to have one because Clay gave that to me. Because he’s my… he’s my...”_

Clay is too chocked up to finish it. He never called Justin his brother and never heard Justin call him like that either.

“ _He’s my brother. He’s my positive influence. He’s the reason I’m alive and able to write this college essay in the first place.”_ Justin continues in a trembling voice, calling Clay his brother out loud for the first time.

Clay nods, hearing his words, a tear rolls down his cheek.

“ _So, you see, you did make a change. You changed me and you gave me something I never had. I’m...”_ Justin explains, but Clay cuts him off.

“ _You’re my brother.”_ He offers with a sympathetic smile.

“ _I am.”_ Justin responds with a choked sob.

“ _But I’m not the only person whose life you changed. You saved Tyler’s life. You gave Jess her strength. You’ve helped Alex rebuild himself. You’ve inspired Zach to change. You’ve offered Tony the family he needed when he lost his own.”_ Justin continues.

“ _I was just… here.”_ Clay lets out, not feeling like he did anything that huge.

“ _Sometimes it’s all people need. And you were there for all of us, through all the shit we’ve been through.”_ Justin reassures him.

“ _There was a lot of shit.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _And we made it through, mostly thanks to you.”_

__

“ _I’m not the only one who helped… Thank you… for saving my life, like… more times than you know.”_ Clay offers his brother.

“ _I only returned the favor, bro.”_ He says, which causes Clay to chuckle, hearing Justin calling him “bro”.

Clay gets up and Justin does the same, both being on the exact same page, both feeling the same thing right now, an unbreakable love and bond as they get closer to each other before they wrap their arms around one another.

“ _I love you.”_ Clay lets out.

“ _I love you too.”_ Justin responds.

“ _You’re not dressed yet?”_ Jessica points out as she enters the outhouse before she stops and notices them holding onto each other.

They awkwardly move away from one another.

“ _Sorry. But… don’t stop on my account. It’s actually something I was looking forward to witness one day. Even so… I have to say I feel a little left out.”_ She says, not able to control her words for some reason, well, a reason, hormones.

“ _Get in then.”_ Clay surprisingly offers her.

A smile comes to her face as she almost runs to join the brothers who extend their arms to invite her into their embrace.

“ _This day is just getting better and better.”_ She lets out before they let go of each other, not wanting things to get awkward.

“ _Your parents are here?”_ Justin asks, knowing she was looking forward to see them.

“ _Yeah, they’re inside with your parents and my brothers. Lainie is dead set on getting there early so you two should get dressed while I_ _keep them occupied.”_ She answers, before dropping a quick kiss on Justin’s lips and leaving the outhouse.

“ _She’s… full of energy.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _She’s nervous about the speech.”_ Justin explains, a smile on his face.

“ _We should probably get ready then.”_ Clay tells him.

“ _Yeah.”_ Justin agrees, grabbing his suit, hanging on the mirror and about to enter the bathroom to change.

“ _Justin.”_ Clay stops him.

His brother turns around and waits for him to continue.

“ _In your essay… there is one thing you got wrong.”_

Justin shakes his head, confused. Is Clay really going to correct a word he didn’t write correctly?

“ _You said you never had a proper family. You have one.”_ Clay explains.

“ _I do now.”_ Justin tells him with a thankful smile before he enters the bathroom. 


	196. The Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson – The Sound

Bolan is on the stage, in the middle of the football field, ready to give his speech.

“ _Graduation is that special time, not only to celebrate, but to acknowledge the hard work and the countless sacrifices it took to transform dreams into reality. And let’s not forget the fortitude to carry on in the face of adversity. This graduating class has shown a special kind of fortitude. I admire you all. You’ve been tested well beyond the classroom, and you have endured. Now, you may not believe me, your class valedictorian and class speaker, in particular, may not believe me.”_

Jessica and Clay share a knowing look.

“ _But all we have ever wished for, myself, the educators here today, all of your parents, all we have truly wished for is too see that you are all happy and healthy and safe. This class, in particular, has made that hellishly hard.”_

Everyone in the audience laughs at the statement that couldn’t be closer from the truth.

“ _But I have faith in you. All of you. And I hope that we have taught you well. I know you have taught me. I’m grateful and I’m proud of you all.”_

Bolan finishes his speech under the applause, cheer and whistling from the audience.He takes a few steps back to sit down as he motions for Jessica to take his place at the microphone. Jessica takes a deep breath before she gives her speech.

“ _Look, here’s the thing. There should be more of us here. And lately, I have been thinking about why they’re not here…”_

She pauses for a second before she continues.

“ _I have a history of causing trouble with my speeches. Principal Bolan actually had to approve my speech just so I wouldn’t make trouble.”_

She chuckles as she turns to look at him.

“ _But I’m not here to cause trouble and it was never my intention. I always just wanted to be heard and that’s still true today. I just want you to hear me.”_

She looks at her classmates, her friends, her family and the one she considered enemies for too long.

“ _When I was president of the student body this year, I saw some of you as enemies and some of you considered I was your enemy. Those who did often criticized the fact that I was a one-issue president. You were right about that. I was a one-issue president. I’m a one-issue person. I spent the last couple of years angry. Hurt. Scared. But I’m not gonna to do that anymore. I’m going to focus on my one issue.”_

Her gaze stops on Justin for a moment, before she continues.

“ _Which is love.”_

Some students laugh and jeer.

“ _Oh, what? Does talking about love make you embarrassed? Is it girly? What? Because it’s the thing… It’s the only thing. It’s easy to hate. It’s easy to fear. It’s goddamn hard to love. But it’s not optional. It’s essential. It’s life or death.”_

People listen attentively.

“ _I challenge you. Love each other. Do it. Do it better. Now, and every day. I love you all.”_

Peoplein the crowd nod and take her words at heart.

“ _Oh, and fuck the patriarchy.”_ She adds, happy to digress a little from the speech Bolan approved, being able to annoy him one last time.

People cheer and whistle. Her friends laugh, knowing too well how proud she is for her last remark.

Justin winks at her, proud of his girlfriend and she returns to her chair, giving Clay a sympathetic nod to invite him to do his speech. Clay gets up and slowly approaches the microphone, a little unsure of himself.

“ _It comes down to one question. Will you survive high-school? Will I survive?”_

He takes a second to gather some confidence to go on.

“ _Because I know too many people who didn’t. In the past two years, two people who I loved_ _have died. And two… two other people who I thought I hated, also died. But I learned that hate is too simple. Jessica’s right.”_

He looks at her and she offers him a warm smile.

“ _Hate is easy. Love and understanding are harder. But they are how we take care of each other, how we survive.”_

He pauses to look at his parents on the bleachers.

“ _My dad loves to tell me stories about when he was in high school. The stories usually involve chess club and obscure bands with funny haircuts, because the ’80s were a strange, strange time.”_

He waits for a second for the laughter he caused to stop.

“ _But he always gets one thing right. He knows high school can hurt. That it can be painful. That there are days when that’s all it is. And he once told me that he’s living proof… you can survive. You can get through it. He’s living proof, and so am I. And so are all of you.”_

He looks at his friends in the crowd, those friends who went through hell and back.

“ _And the thing is, for me, for us, this class, this… this generation, high school actually is life or death. We show up every day not knowing if this is the day we die. If this is the day someone shows up with a gun and tries to kill us all. We practice what we’ll do if that happens. Life or death. I suffer from anxiety and depression. But mostly anxiety. I sometimes think all of us kids do, in some way. And how could we not, with the world the way it is? We hear a lot of promises that things will get better. And… and, look, maybe they will, maybe they won’t. And what I think I’ve learned, what I wanna say to you is whatever happens, keep moving. Get through it. Choose to live.”_

His stare settles on his brother. A smile comes to his face when he remembers a discussion they had a while ago, the night he got out of the hospital.

“‘ _Cause even on the worst day, there are people who love you. There’s new music waiting for you to hear, some… something you haven’t seen before that will blow your mind in the best way. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing.”_

He finishes his speech, a speech that moved everyone, including his brother who offers him a smile.

“ _Good luck and… thank you.”_

He adds, to everyone, but he hopes Justin understands the last two words were meant for him specifically, which he does, based on the thankful nod he returns him.

People cheer, applause and whoop loudly, the ceremony ending with his speech and all of them now officially graduating.

Bolan invites Jessica and Clay to walk up to the edge of the stage together. Every senior in the crowd gets up, knowing this is the moment they all have been aiming for these past few years. Clay and Jessica exchange a look before they grab their graduation cap, imitated by everyone else. In a second, everyone’s cap is flying high in the air as their parents cheer loudly, prouder than they ever been of their children.

* * *

After that, everyone gathers in the gym, this gym once again decorated for a special occasion, the last occasion they’ll ever all gather here for.

“ _We are so proud of you boys.”_ Matt tells Justin and Clay.

“ _You said that already.”_ Clay tells him, slightly annoyed.

“ _But thank you, again.”_ Justin decides to responds instead, still not tired of hearing it.

“ _For… everything, ever.”_ He adds, thinking it’s the perfect day to thank them for all they did for him.

“ _No need to thank us honey.”_ Lainie responds warmly.

“ _Actually...”_ Clay begins _“… I think we do need to thank you. Both of us.”_

“ _Clay. Come here kiddo.”_ His father extends his arm to offer him a hug, which Clay surprisingly accepts.

“ _You too, both of you, come here.”_ Matt asks Lainie and Justin to join in, which they do happily.

For a moment, they simply share a hug, something so simple, but it means so much, especially to Justin and now that Clay knows how much it does, it means just as much to him.

“ _Jensens!”_ Zach calls the brothers as he arrives by their side.

They let go of each other and the boys look at him, waiting for the reason he interrupted them.

“ _We were thinking of getting the hell out of here.”_ Zach informs them, pointing at their friends standing together by the exit.

“ _You coming?”_ Zach asks.

“ _Sure.”_ Clay responds as Justin nods and they begin to walk away from their parents.

“ _Uhm, Clay, don’t forget you’re needed at home.”_ Lainie reminds him.

Clay stops and turns to look at her. Justin seems confused, not knowing what she means. Clay sighs, he knows he has something to do, but he’s not ready to leave his friends yet.

“ _I’ll take care of it.”_ Lainie reassures him.

“ _You’_ _re_ _sure?”_ Clay asks.

“ _Yes. Go have fun with your friends, we’ll take care of it.”_ Matt offers.

“ _I… I promise I won’t be long okay?”_ Clay tells them before he resumes walking towards his friends, his brother by his side.

“ _What is that about?”_ Justin asks.

“ _You’ll know soon.”_ Clay answers him mysteriously as they arrive by their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Clay up to?


	197. Unbelievers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Vampire Weekend – Unbelievers

The group didn’t go that far, they decided to enjoy the warm weather on the bleachers outside by the football field.

Charlie is seated besides Alex, his head leaned on his shoulder. Jessica and Caleb are next to them, then Tyler, Tony, Zach and finally Clay and Justin. They look at the now empty chairs on the field and the stage. This is it, they graduated and they feel as excited for the future as they are surprisingly a little sad to leave this place after everything.

“ _I just wanna take pictures that matter to somebody.”_ Tyler breaks the silence.

“ _I’d like to make enough money to take care of my sister.”_ Tony says.

“ _I just wanna remember this day. Just like this. Right now.”_ Zach adds as the others nod, feeling the same way.

“ _There you are!”_ A girl exclaims.

They all turn to look at her, shocked to see her here.

“ _We were looking for you everywhere.”_ Another adds.

“ _What are you doing here?”_ Jessica asks, a huge smile on her face.

“ _You finally made it through this hell-hole. We had to witness that.”_ The third person who just arrived on the field with the two girls explains.

“ _Hi!”_ Jessica runs down the bleachers to greet them, followed by everyone else.

“ _I’m so glad to see you.”_ She adds, hugging Courtney.

“ _Long time no see.”_ Tony greets Ryan.

“ _Don’t you have your own Graduation today?”_ Clay asks the other girl, not expecting seeing her again.

“ _Mine was yesterday. The minute I heard yours was today, I begged my parents to let me drive here.”_ Sheri explains before she hugs him.

Everyone hugs and discuss the latest events in their life for a while. After about an hour, they are again seated in silence, just taking it all in, with Sheri, Courtney and Ryan by their side now.

“ _Do you think it was another twisted punishment of Bolan to have the ceremony here?”_ Justin asks, sad he never got to play on the field again.

“ _Are we supposed to feel sorry for the misunderstood jocks once again?”_ Tony teases him.

“ _Hey! You all agreed it wasn’t fair not to let us play at least one last time all together on this field.”_ Zach defends him.

“ _Well...”_ Alex begins as he gets up from the bleachers to pick up a ball left by probably one of the team members next to a chair.

“… _We can change that.”_ He continues, as he throws the ball at Jess who catches it and joins him on the field.

“ _Great idea, let’s play!”_ She encourages the boys as she throws the ball at Tyler who catches it with a smile, happy to be included in athletics for once. He throws it back at Alex and they begin to pass it to each other a few times.

“ _You guys suck.”_ Zach comments with a laugh.

“ _Then show us better!”_ Alex challenges him.

“ _Come on, Liberty Tigers!”_ Jess pushes them to join.

Charlie, Justin and Zach share a look and get up from the bleachers to join them on the field.

They all cheer as the guys arrive on the field.

“ _I’ll play, if you go back to the bleachers.”_ Justin tells Jessica as he grabs the ball from her hands.

“ _You just know I’ll beat you right?”_ She jokes.

“ _That’s… definitely it.”_ Justin plays along.

Jessica chuckles and goes back to the bleachers, seating down next to Clay as Sheri and Caleb joins them to play. They all cheer for their friends, except Clay who seems lost in his thoughts.

“ _You’re not joining?”_ Jessica asks him.

“ _I’m not good at this_.” Clay answers.

“ _Do you think everyone playing right now is good at this?”_ She asks, laughing at Alex’s last ridiculous attempt to get the ball.

“ _Something on your mind?”_ Tony asks him.

“ _Something that can wait.”_ Clay answers, looking at everyone having so much fun. 

He’s thinking about the tapes. Now that everyone is here, it could be the perfect moment to bring it up, but how can he when they’re having so much fun? It’s not fair to let these bring back all those awful memories when they are creating new and good ones at the moment.

“ _Not acceptable.”_ Jessica tells him.

Clay looks at her, not expecting this response.

“ _If anything is bothering you, you shouldn't wait to tell us.”_ She adds.

Clay sighs. She’s right and who knows when he’ll have the chance to tell his friends about this.

“ _Tony and I met with Mrs.Baker this morning.”_ He explains.

Tony nods, knowing where this is going.

“ _That must have brought back some painful memories.”_ Jessica tells him, sadden by it as well.

“ _Yeah, but… that’s not all it brought back.”_ Clay adds.

Jessica stops following and gives him a puzzled look.

“ _I thought you wanted to cheer me on one last time!”_ Justin yells at her from the field, disappointed she’s not giving him all her attention.

“ _Yay! Go Justin!”_ She cheers, getting up and acting way too excited for it to be genuine.

“ _I was right, you were a shitty cheerleader.”_ Justin teases her.

Jessica pretends to be offended for a split second before she breaks and laughs.

“ _I’m still expecting the rest of your story.”_ She tells Clay without even looking at him, her gaze fixated on Justin.

“ _They say multi-tasking is one of the many qualities a good mother should have.”_ Tony jokes.

Jessica chuckles and sits down.

“ _That, I’m an expert at. So, what did it bring back?”_ She asks Clay, genuinely concerned.

“ _The tapes.”_ Clay lets out.


	198. Take Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Beach House - Take Care

“ _That, I’m an expert at. So, what did it brought back?”_ Jessica asks Clay, genuinely concerned.

“ _The tapes.”_ Clay lets out.

“ _The tapes?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _Olivia gave us her tapes back.”_ Tony explains.

“ _Hannah’s tapes?”_ Alex asks, joining them after he realized this sport definitely wasn’t made for him.

Clay and Tony nods.

“ _What are you going to do with them?”_ Ryan asks, having listened on their conversation with Courtney since the beginning.

“ _No idea.”_ Clay answers in a sigh.

The laughter coming from the field pushes all of them still seated on the bleachers to look towards it. Zach and Justin are on the ground, intertwined with each other after falling down. Luckily they’re not hurt, just laughing with the others.

When Clay’s sees it, he remembers the night of Kat’s party, the night Hannah met Justin and how everything started. It started like this, Zach and Justin on the ground, playing like fools together. The tapes aren’t just Hannah’s story, they are all of their stories. The tapes don’t belong to him, they belong to each of them, all of them.

“ _We need to decide that together.”_ He tells his friends.

“ _Decide what?”_ Justin asks, as he arrives by his side, rubbing his pants in an attempt to remove the grass that is on it.

* * *

After Clay explained to everyone about the tapes, they discussed it for a long time before they decided on what to do. They found a solution that pleased everyone and parted ways before they’re supposed to meet up again later, once everyone is ready to take care of it.

* * *

Everyone is at the place Clay told them to meet him at, but he’s not here. His job was to go home, grab the tapes and join them, but for some reason that is taking him a long time. While waiting, everyone helped to dig a hole in the ground, where they plan to lay her tapes to rest.

“ _I should have gone with him.”_ Justin says, worried.

“ _He specifically asked you not to.”_ Alex reassures him.

Justin looks downhill, hoping to see Clay arrive at any second, but he doesn’t. He sees Jess though, leaning against the fence, looking at the city bellow.

* * *

“ _Having second thoughts?”_ He asks her once he joins her.

“ _No. I think it’s a good idea.”_ She answers in a shrug.

“ _You don’t seem as happy as you were just a few hours ago.”_ Justin pushes her a little.

“ _This idea of burying the tapes… like a funeral, to give us closure… It’s great, but… I’m just wondering if it will be enough for me. Actually, I know it won’t be.”_ She explains.

Justin places his arms around her as he’s standing behind her. She leans her head back, against him.

“ _What do you think it’s missing to get closure?”_ He asks her.

“ _I don’t know.”_ She answers in a shrug.

“ _Is it about Bryce?”_

“ _I know I’ll get closure once I confess.”_ She answers.

“ _So what is it about?”_ He asks her gently, not wanting to push too far.

“ _It’s about you.”_ She lets out.

Justin lets go of her and makes a few steps to stand next to her, his back turned against the view.

“ _Do you sill need to forgive me?”_ He asks, hurt at this possibility.

Jessica looks at him and shakes her head.

“ _No. I already have and you know it.”_ She reassures him, hurt herself he might even think that.

“ _So?”_ Justin asks in a shrug, not understanding her.

“ _I…”_ She stops for a second, holding in her emotions as best as she can.

“ _I need you to forgive yourself.”_ She lets out.

Justin sighs.

“ _I know you haven’t and… it’s killing me to know that.”_ She explains in a trembling voice.

“ _It… takes time.”_ Justin responds.

“ _It’s long overdue.”_ Jessica offers with a smile.

She shakes her head and takes his hands in hers.

“ _This tape is not yours, it’s not mine, it’s ours. And Hannah’s. And Bryce’s. They’re gone and I think it’s time we let this part of our story go to.”_ She tells him.

“ _And concentrate on the next part of our story.”_ She adds with a warm smile.

Justin returns her smile, takes her face between his hands and drops a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Before he has time to say anything, he sees Clay walking up the hill to join them. Justin offers Jess his hand and they join the other.

* * *

Clay takes out the shoe-box from his backpack and opens it. He takes out a tape, tape 1, he hands it to Justin and Jessica. Tape 2, he gives it to Alex and Tyler. Tape 3, Courtney. Tape 4, Zach and Ryan. Tape 5, he hesitates a few second, looking at Justin who nods towards Sheri, who takes it. Tape 6, his own tape. The one he shares with Bryce. He takes it out of the box and looks at his friends before he gently places the box in the hole they dug, one tape remaining inside.

“ _This is where I first listened to my tape… And this is where we lay them to rest.”_ Clay says.

He looks at Justin and Jessica who take a step forward and throw their tape inside. One after the other, they all do the same. Letting go of this part of their story.

“ _Rest in peace.”_ Tony says once all the tapes are inside the box.

Clay, Alex and Jessica kneel and close the box.

“ _Come on, people. Let’s pile on the closure dirt.”_ Zach says, taking a step forward, holding a shovel.

He begins to recover the box with dirt, as does everyone else, until it’s gone, buried in the ground, buried in their past.

* * *

After that, they all gather along the fence, looking at the view of Evergreen, at the sun slowly coming down.

“ _All the shit that never would have happened.”_ Zach comments.

“ _But we would’ve never been friends.”_ Jess responds.

“ _Family.”_ Clay corrects her.

“ _Family.”_ Justin agrees with a nod.

“ _We’ll always have that.”_ Tony adds.

“ _If anyone ever needs any help, anytime, anyplace, just send a group text, say, ‘Gordon Lightfoot’.”_ Tyler offers.

“ _Wait. What?”_ Ryan asks, not aware of this story.

“ _It’s the strangest fucking code word.”_ Clay responds.

“ _We really need to change it.”_ Alex agrees with a chuckle.

“ _It was your idea!”_ Charlie tells him.

They all laugh and enjoy the view, but not as much as they enjoy being there with each other at this moment.


	199. It's Best Not To Think About It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : It's Best Not To Think About It – Athlete

After burying the tapes, Clay, Justin and Jessica go home to the Jensens where they know their families are waiting to share dinner with them. When they arrive, everyone is outside, setting up a table as Matt and Greg are grilling some burgers on the barbecue.

“ _They’re here!”_ Elijah yells.

They all clap as they arrive.

“ _Our graduates!”_ Noelle comments with a smile.

“ _I’m going to put something a little more comfortable on.”_ Justin explains as he walks to the door to the outhouse.

“ _Wait!”_ Clay yells as he stands in his way, stopping him from entering the place.

“ _What is going on?”_ Justin asks him, lost.

“ _Mom!”_ Clay ignores him as he calls his mother.

Lainie offers him a smile and invites Noelle to join her with a nod.

“ _Come on.”_ Noelle takes Jessica’s hand and leads her towards the outhouse as well.

“ _What’s happening?”_ Jessica asks them once they are standing in front of the door to the outhouse.

Justin gives her a puzzled look, just as lost as she is.

“ _There have been some changes in here.”_ Clay explains.

His response doesn’t help much so he opens the door and motions for Justin and Jess to enter.

Justin and Jess exchange a look and enter the outhouse.

“ _We figured you might be more comfortable sharing a queen size bed from now on.”_ Lainie explains as Jessica and Justin discover the changes made in the place.

Clay’s bed is gone and Justin’s has been replaced with a larger one.

“ _What is this?”_ Jessica asks, noticing the crib by the bed.

“ _Our house will be gone in a few days and I know you don’t want to join us in Seattle.”_ Noelle explains.

“ _We thought you might want to officially move in here since you’re already spending almost everyday here.”_ Lainie adds.

“ _But… what about you?”_ Jessica asks Clay.

“ _I’ll go back to my old room for a few weeks before I leave for college.”_ He responds.

“ _So, Jess can stay here for the summer?”_ Justin tries to understand.

“ _No, she can stay here for as long as she wants.”_ Matt offers, joining them with Greg.

“ _And you’re okay with this?”_ Jess asks her dad.

“ _I am. Especially since Matt offered to tutor you to make sure you ace the SAT once you retake it.”_ He informs her.

“ _I don’t want to kick you out of your room.”_ Jess tells Clay.

“ _You’re not. This was my idea.”_ He reassures her.

“ _Really?”_ She asks as she begins to cry.

“ _Yeah, but… I didn’t mean to upset you. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I… I didn’t want to make you cry.”_ Clay second-guesses his decision.

“ _It’s not you.”_

“ _She just cries a lot.”_ Justin says in a chuckle and everyone laughs.

“ _So, what do you say?”_ Lainie asks.

Jessica turns to look at Justin, wanting to have his opinion first.

“ _I think it’s an amazing idea.”_ He responds.

“ _But… but it’s too much. I can’t ask you to do that for me.”_ Jessica doesn’t want to impose.

“ _It’s not. Not when it’s for family. I’m just looking out for my niece. What kind of uncle would I be if I didn’t make sure her mother had anywhere to live?”_ Clay responds.

“ _Actually, she won’t really be your niece.”_ Justin answers.

“ _I know we’re not blood-related and all, but it doesn’t change anything.”_ Clay replies.

“ _No, what he means is...”_ Jessica corrects him, but decides to let Justin inform him.

“ _We were wondering if you’d accept to be her godfather?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Me?”_ Clay is surprised.

“ _Yeah, you. You’re the best person to look after our daughter.”_ Jessica explains.

“ _I...uh… of course.”_ Clay answers, trying his best not to cry.

“ _You’re already doing a great job.”_ Justin tells him, pointing at the crib.

“ _Come on, don’t cry, just come here.”_ Jessica teases him as she makes her way to him and wraps him in a hug.

“ _I won’t let you down.”_ Clay tells her.

“ _I know you won’t. It wasn’t even a doubt for us to pick you.”_ She explains.

“ _Well, I’m honored and I hope you like the crib I chose.”_ Clay responds, making his way to the crib.

Justin and Jessica follow him to inspect it.

Their parents share a look as they see the three now adults looking at the crib. Lainie nods towards the exit and decides to let them have a moment together before dinner.

“ _By the way, you’re welcome because this was a nightmare to build.”_ Clay tells the couple.

“ _Is this why you were late at the hill?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Yeah. Dad offered to build it, but since it was my idea, I thought it wasn’t really fair not to help.”_

“ _Why did you do all that? Not that I’m complaining, I’m just… wondering.”_ Jessica asks, seating down on the new bed.

“ _Have you any idea where you were going to live in two days if I didn’t do this?”_ Clay asks her.

Jessica looks at the ground. She wanted to figure things out, but some part of her is just so convinced she’s going to end up in jail once she confesses on Monday that she just didn’t.

“ _When I asked Justin, he told me he had no idea what you were going to do so I figured I was going to be the one to push your hand a little for once.”_ Clay continues.

“ _Maybe you should have waited a few days.”_ Jessica tells him in a sad tone.

“ _Why?”_ Clay asks, not realizing things might change, a lot and pretty soon.

“ _Even if things don’t go as well as we hope for, this is still the best option for us.”_ Justin tells her as he sits beside her.

“ _This way you’ll have my parents to help you with the baby and… Zach, Caleb and everyone you know in Evergreen. Justin won’t be too far away and you don’t have to spend any money on rent.”_ Clay explains.

“ _I know… I… this is a really good idea. Thank you.”_ She offers Clay with a thankful smile.

Clay nods in return and leaves the two of them alone as Justin changes.

Jessica brushes her fingers against the light blue bed linen in the crib, a sad smile on her face.

“ _Clay really did a good job.”_ She comments.

“ _But?”_ Justin asks.

Jess turns to look at him.

“ _But am I going to be here to see her asleep in this crib?”_ She answers.

“ _You can still change your mind.”_ Justin tries, still hoping she might.

“ _I want to do this. I’m just… scared of what I might miss.”_

“ _Hey.”_ Justin tells her, grabbing her arm to force her to sit with him on their new bed.

“ _You’re not going to miss anything.”_ He tries to reassure her.

“ _You can’t know that for sure.”_ She answers in a shrug.

Justin sadly nods because she’s right. Since there is nothing to say, he gently caresses her cheek and brings her in his arms. If his words can’t comfort her, he’ll try anything else he can do.

“ _When are you telling them?”_ He asks.

“ _Tomorrow.”_ She answers.

She’s going to tell her parents the truth tomorrow.She shakes her head, gets up and invites Justin to follow her.

“ _Let’s have a last nice evening before the truth destroys everything.”_ She says in a sigh.

They exit the outhouse, ready to spend an amazing dinner with their family. For a few hours, they’re just going to pretend their future is not as scary as it is. 


	200. I have made mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Brooklyn – Wakey! Wakey!

The next day, on Sunday, the Jensens are having dinner in their kitchen.

“ _No Jessica tonight?”_ Matt asks.

“ _She’s helping her parents. They’re leaving the house for good tomorrow.”_ Clay explains.

“ _Thank you again for offering her a place to stay.”_ Justin tells them.

“ _You’re welcome. I’m relived to know we’ll have someone leaving in here after the two of you leave for college.”_ Lainie responds.

They begin to eat in silence. Clay and Justin know they should tell their parents about Bryce’s murder and the fact the two responsible for it are going to confess tomorrow. Clay doesn’t because he’s waiting for Justin to say something. Justin doesn’t because it’s scaring him a lot that things may change a lot, not only for Jess, but for him and his family as well.

“ _Do you not like the food?”_ Matt asks Justin who is playing with it instead of eating.

“ _No… I do. It’s really good.”_ He offers with a smile.

Justin and Clay exchange a look and Clay is about to tell their parents the truth when his mom cuts him off.

“ _Dad and I have been thinking… What would you say about going on a trip together, just the four of us?”_

“ _A trip?”_ Clay asks.

“ _Yeah, a vacation. We’ve never been on one with Justin. It could be fun do it this summer before you leave Evergreen.”_ She explains.

“ _I have work.”_ Justin answers in a shrug, happy to have an easy way out.

“ _You don’t work all week long. We could just go away for a few days.”_ Lainie replies.

“ _What about camping? A few days in nature might do you some good._ ” Matt offers.

“ _I’m not sure this is a good idea.”_ Clay tells them.

“ _I vote for camping, but it doesn’t have to be. We could rent a place by the beach if you prefer.”_ Matt answers.

“ _I...I can’t leave right now.”_ Justin informs them.

“ _Are you worried about Jessica?”_ Lainie asks.

Justin slightly nods, but doesn’t answer.

“ _Don’t be. She won’t be alone here and if you’re more comfortable with this, I’m sure we can ask her to come along.”_ Matt tries to find a solution.

“ _Actually, she’s probably not gonna to be able to come.”_ Clay replies before he gives Justin a reassuring nod.

“ _We… we have to tell you something.”_ Justin says, his voice trembling with dread.

* * *

Jessica finishes packing another carton in her bedroom and finally has gathered the courage to go downstairs and confess to her parents. She goes down the stairs and each steps her courage lowers a little, but she can’t back down so she continues.

“ _Done with your bedroom?”_ Noelle asks, looking up at her when she enters the living room.

“ _Almost.”_ She responds in a low voice.

Her dad looks up from the box he’s filling with their stuffs.

“ _You don’t look fine.”_ He comments.

“ _I know it’s sad to leave this place, but you’ll be more than happy at the Jensens.”_ Noelle adds.

“ _I know.”_ She tells them with a sad smile, seating down on the couch.

Her parents keep packing, with too much work to do left and too little time to notice how scared and uncomfortable she is.

“ _Mom.”_ Jessica tries to interrupt them, but her voice is so low they don’t hear her.

“ _Mom.”_ She tries again, louder and it works.

“ _What Jess?”_ Her mother asks, a little annoyed, but her stare softens when she sees her face.

“ _Dad.”_ Jess asks for his attention as well.

Both of her parents are now looking at her with worry.

“ _I need to tell you something. You should both sit down.”_ She tells them.

They do, aware something huge is coming, sensing it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you think everyone's going to react? Are Lainie and Matt still going to think it's a good idea for Jessica to move in with them? How are Jessica's parents going to react to this huge new information about their daughter?


	201. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Belasco – Summer

“ _And you’re telling me you two knew about this all along?”_ Lainie asks with an angry voice at her two sons once the truth is out.

“ _I only found out the day Clay got arrested.”_ Justin explains.

“ _He told me about it the next day.”_ Clay adds.

“ _You almost went to prison for this Clay.”_ Matt says in a sigh.

“ _But he didn’t and I know Alex and Jess wouldn’t have let this happen. I mean… they didn’t.”_ Justin defends them.

“ _You all lied. To everyone! To the police, to us.”_ Lainie is only getting angrier.

“ _We’re sorry we did.”_ Clay offers.

“ _We really are.”_ Justin adds.

“ _What do you think is going to happen to you two now? You’re accomplices.”_ Matt asks, angry himself.

“ _That’s not… They’re not going to tell that to the cops.”_ Justin explains.

“ _What do you mean?”_ Lainie asks. As a lawyer, she needs all the facts to figure things out.

“ _They’re not going to say the entire truth.”_ Clay informs them.

“ _More lies?”_ Lainie asks, her voice full of accusation.

Matt gestures her to calm down a little bit.

“ _What exactly are they going to say to the cops tomorrow?”_ He asks.

“ _That it was just the two of them. That Jess lied to Ani about Monty. That she’s the one who planted the evidence in his locker.”_ Justin explains, trying to concentrate on the plan to get his mind away from his worry.

“ _But it wasn’t.”_ Lainie points out.

“ _No… it was… someone else.”_ Clay responds.

“ _Who?”_ She asks.

“ _It doesn’t matter. We all made the choice to cover this up.”_ Clay says, refusing for anyone else to take any sort of blame.

“ _Why aren’t you more worried about this? You could all end up in jail!”_ Lainie scolds them.

“ _We won’t. I know we disappointed you a lot and you have no reason to trust us, but...”_ Justin tries.

“… _but their plan is solid. There is no way they can track anything back to us.”_ Clay continues.

“ _Let’s say they have a good plan and you two don’t get caught up in it. What is going to happen to the two of them?”_ Matt asks.

“ _They’re going to pay for what they did.”_ Justin says in a sigh.

“ _It wasn’t okay to lie about this months ago and it’s not any better to do so now.”_ Lainie tells them, shaking her head. She refuses to let them lie about this.

“ _It’s not a good idea, no. But do you think it’s best if we all end up in jail? After everything we went through, don’t we deserve some kind of peace? Don’t we deserve to move on?”_ Clay asks.

“ _You’re right.”_ Matt tells them, at everyone’s surprise. Lainie shoots him a puzzled look.

“ _You and your friends, you went through so many things these past few years. More than any kid should ever go through. If Alex and Jessica decide to take the blame for their actions, maybe it should end there. Maybe this suffering should stop once the truth is revealed.”_ Matt explains.

“ _It won’t. There is going to be a trial. You’ll be ask to testify. Who knows how things are gonna go for them. It’s… I hope you know what you’re doing.”_ Lainie tells them.

“ _Does… does this mean you’re okay with us following the plan?”_ Clay asks.

“ _I am. You two are adults now. If this is how you’re going to handle this, I’ll accept it.”_ She offers.

“ _We just want you to know the only thing we’re expecting of you is to do the right thing.”_ Matt continues.

“ _We tried, but it’s not always easy to know what the right thing is.”_ Justin explains.

“ _We learned that the hard way and if we could go back in time and change things, we would, all of us, but we can’t.”_ Clay adds.

“ _No matter what happens, the two of us have your back okay?”_ Lainie tells them.

The two boys nod.

“ _But we can’t help you if you don’t come to us when you’re in trouble.”_ Matt adds.

“ _We know and that’s why we decided to tell you everything, including the lies.”_ Justin responds.

“ _Did they tell their parents as well?”_ Lainie asks. She only imagines how they must be feeling right now.

“ _As we told you, Alex’s dad already knows and he’s telling his mother tonight.”_ Clay explains.

“ _Jess is telling them tonight.”_ Justin adds, a slump in his throat, thinking about how afraid she must be right now.

* * *

“ _How could you be so stupid?”_ Greg yells at Jess.

“ _I know what I did okay? I know it’s awful and I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.”_ She defends herself as best as she can.

“ _We forgave a lot of things Jessica, but we’re talking about murder here.”_ Noelle tells her.

“ _I know. I… I know.”_ Jess has no idea how to responds anymore.

“ _Do you know what people are going to say?”_ Greg asks her.

“ _I couldn’t care less about that!”_ Jess tells him. _Is this really what’s important now?_

“ _You’re going to be remembered as the black girl who killed an innocent white boy.”_ Greg tells her.

“ _He wasn't innocent.”_ Jessica reminds him, thinking, somehow, it could ease his anger.

“ _What he did to you doesn’t matter now that you did way worse!”_ He blames her instead.

“ _Jessica. We left thinking we could trust you and you’ve shown us time and time again we can’t. How do you plan to raise your baby from a prison cell?”_ Noelle is calmer, but her words just as hurtful.

“ _She’s gonna have Justin.”_ She tells them in a shrug.

“ _So your junkie and accomplice boyfriend is going to take care of her? That’s reassuring.”_ Greg lashes out.

“ _Dad.”_ Jessica can’t believe he went there.

“ _You’re an adult now and you committed a crime so you should pay for it. We agree on that, but this baby didn’t ask to come into this world. It’s your responsibility to look after her and since you can’t, maybe you should think about it.”_ Noelle tells her.

“ _What is that supposed to mean?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _You really think Justin can raise a baby on his own?”_ Her mom clarifies.

“ _Or is he just going to end-up like his mom?”_ Greg asks, his anger still destroying.

Jessica scoffs, she tried her best to control her anger, up until that point.

“ _He’s not alone! He has a family and we have friends who would do anything to help us.”_

“ _Including covering up a murder.”_ Her father says in a breath.

“ _I...”_ Jessica looks at her parents, lost. She expected anger and disappointment, but this is far worse than she imagined.

“ _Maybe it’s not too late to consider adoption.”_ Noelle says and finishes her thought.

“ _I can’t believe you.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _You can’t allow yourself to be selfish anymore.”_ Greg agrees.

“ _I…”_ Jessica is at a loss of words. She shakes her head and runs upstairs to her room.

She runs back down a few seconds later, her parents asking her to stay, to keep talking, but she doesn’t hear any of it anymore. She grabs her jacket from the couch and exits the house. When she arrives to her car, her tears are flowing in an unstoppable torrent on her cheeks. She takes out her phone and calls the only person she’s comfortable talking to right now.

“ _Can I stay with you tonight?”_ She asks between sobs on the phone.

Jessica parks her car in front of the house. She’s on her way to the door when it opens to reveal the boy she just called. When he sees how uncontrollably she’s still crying, he takes a few steps to join her. She stops walking, letting him reach up to her. When he does, she breaks down even more in the arms he wraps around her.

“ _I’m here, don’t worry.”_ Alex tries to reassure her, gently rubbing her back.

“ _I’m here Jess. You’re going to be okay.”_ He continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have written these few words last chapter, but I didn't even realize it was the 200th chapter I published until you all pointed it out. I'm so thankful for all of you who decided to follow this story. I felt like I needed to fix it for myself after watching last season, but I never expected anyone to actually come back every chapter. I'm so happy for those of you who still do. I know my chapters are pretty short and the story sometimes doesn't seem to move along a lot, but many of you keep coming back anyway and that's just amazing. I hope you enjoyed reading these first 200 chapters and that you're ready for what's left of the story. Like I said, many chapters ago, the story is reaching its ending pretty soon. (Pretty soon might as well mean 50 chapters as you might have guessed ahah) I hope you'll keep coming back and that I won't disappoint any of you. Thank you for the support! I love writing, but it doesn't mean much without any readers so I what is left to say now is that I love you all'!


	202. Oats In The Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Ben Howard – Oats In The Water

Alex and Jessica didn’t sleep much that night. Neither did Alex’s parents for that matter, who spend a good amount of the night arguing about all of this. Alex’s mom blames her husband for keeping this from her and he’s blaming Alex for wanting to let the truth out, destroying their family with it. Alex and Jessica didn’t talk much once she got there, they laid in silence in his bed, listening to his parents fighting. The only thing Jessica told Alex was that her parents won’t be by her side from now on. Alex only commented they’ve both managed to destroy their families with the truth. 

* * *

They’re both awoken by a knock on the door of his bedroom. They open their eyes and realize it’s morning already, judging by the sun already up in the sky outside his bedroom’s window.

“ _Yeah?”_ Alex says while seating down.

The door opens to reveal Carolyn, his mother.

“ _Jessica. Your parents are here.”_ She reveals, looking at her before she closes the door again.

Jessica sighs, not wanting to see them.

“ _She doesn’t even look at me anymore.”_ Alex comments, sadden his relationship with his mother has already changed completely.

Jessica sits down.

“ _She just needs a little time. She loves you more than anything. Nothing is going to change that.”_

“ _Your parents do to. They came to find you.”_ Alex responds.

“ _I know they love me. That has never been the problem.”_ She says in a shrug.

“ _So what is?”_

“ _I feel like… they don’t know me. They don’t… understand me. They don’t…”_ She tries to explain.

“ _See you?”_ Alex continues, knowing this feeling.

Jessica nods sadly before she gets out of the bed.

“ _What are you going to tell them?”_ Alex asks.

“ _Nothing. I’m just going to listen to what they have to say.”_ She says as she makes her way to the door.

* * *

Jessica is seating down with her parents in Alex’s kitchen. She has nothing more to say to them so she’s waiting for them to say what they came here to tell her.

“ _We told you yesterday it is your job to take care of your daughter and to look after her.”_ Noelle begins.

Jessica nods, agreeing with them, but she avoids their stare, looking at the counter instead.

“ _It’s our job to look after you so we’re not going to let you go through this alone.”_ Greg adds.

“ _We’re going to help you. We hired a good lawyer this morning and when you two are going to the police, we’ll come with you.”_ Noelle informs her.

“ _Thank you.”_ Jessica offers them, a little colder than she wanted, but she can’t change how she feels about them after what they said the night before.

“ _We can meet with him this afternoon.”_ Greg explains.

“ _No. I… thank you for this, but this can’t wait any longer. I’m going to go back upstairs, we’re going to get ready and then we’ll go to the police. You can come with us if you want to, but… this is what is going to happen.”_ Jessica informs them, leaving their side. Both their minds are made and nothing is going to stop this now.

“ _Jessica.”_ Her father stops her.

She turns around, hoping for an apology, a declaration of love, anything that could show her this relationship isn’t forever ruined, but it’s not what her dad has in mind.

“ _We’re going to tell the lawyer to meet us at the station then.”_ He tells her instead.

“ _Okay.”_ Jessica responds, her voice barely audible.

* * *

Alex and Jessica managed to convince their parents not to come along. How? It’s not part of the plan. Their plan is to say they’re the only two people in the freaking world that know about this. Alex parks his car in the street and they wait in silence for a few minutes once the engine is off.

“ _Have you talked to Justin?”_ Alex breaks the silence.

“ _Not since yesterday.”_

“ _He doesn’t know you’re here right now?”_

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _He knows I’m doing this today.”_

“ _Maybe you should call him, you know, just to say...”_ Alex begins.

“ _Goodbye?”_ Jessica asks, looking at him with tears in her eyes.

Alex nods sadly. He called Charlie just before leaving his house and it wasn’t an easy thing to do, but it was necessary.

“ _Okay. I… I should call him.”_ She responds in a sigh. 

She avoided doing it because she knows her desire to be by his side, to be there to look after him, is stronger than anything in the world, stronger than her need for punishment, but she can’t keep ignoring it. She won’t survive if she doesn’t get what she needs, to be punished for her implication in Bryce’s death, what she wants, to be able to get closure from everything that happened between her and him.

She takes out her phone from her pocket and dials Justin’s number. After one ring he picks up. A smile comes to her face when he does. He must have been waiting since last night for this phone call.

> \- - - _“Hey. I was just about to call. Where are you?”_

“ _I’m outside the station with Alex.”_

> \- - - _“How did it go with your parents last night?”_

“ _They hired a lawyer.”_

> _\- - - “That’s good. You need one right?”_

“ _Yeah, it’s good.”_

> _\- - - “They called me last night. They were looking for you.”_

“ _They did?”_

> _\- - - “Where were you?”_

“ _I went to Alex’s.”_

> _\- - - “Uh… okay. I wish you would have come to see me before doing this.”_

“ _I’ll see you soon.”_

> _\- - - “Jess, you can’t know that for sure. I...”_

“ _Listen, I have to go. Just… promise me to take care of yourself okay?”_

> _\- - - “I promise, but...”_

“ _I love you. Bye.”_

She abruptly hangs up before she breaks down in tears.

Alex places his hand on hers.

“ _I just couldn’t...”_ She tries to explain herself and why she rushed it, but Alex cuts her off.

“ _I know.”_ He offers her with a sympathetic nod.

Jessica wipes her tears and sighs.

“ _Ready?”_ She asks.

“ _As ready as I’ll ever be.”_ He simply answers in a shrug. 

> _How can you be ready for this?_

Jessica nods and they exit the car.

* * *

Jessica is seated alone in an interrogation room. The officer just left her. He asked her a million questions about the night Bryce died. She answered them all, following everything Alex and her decided to tell them. She’s glad they spend so much time working on this, at least she knows what she has to say. The officer told her they were interrogating Alex in another room, asking him the same type of questions. At least, this is going according to plan. She gave the officer the phone number of her lawyer and she’s now waiting for him to show up so things can move along. How? She’s not sure yet. For now all she can do is wait and she doesn’t know how to do that, rather, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. That’s a part of the plan they didn’t spend so much time on; how to feel, how to react, how to simply exist in this world now she’s officially an accomplice in a murder case.


	203. Broken Voices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Broken Voices – Ari Hest

Bill is waiting with his wife and Jessica’s parents in his house. They’ve been waiting here for hours without any news, trying their best to stick to the plan their children told them to follow. They can’t do anything before they’re told by the police Jessica and Alex just confessed a crime.

“ _Are you sure they’re going to call?”_ Carolyn asks her husband.

“ _I think so. They’re both adults in terms of law, but we’re in a small town, the officers know us. I doubt they wouldn’t call to let us know.”_ Bill reassures her.

As if on cue, the phone rings.

Bill takes a deep breath before he answers, knowing it’s one of his colleague calling him.

“ _Hello?”_

_\- - -_

“ _What? What does it mean?”_

_\- - -_

“ _No. I understand.”_

_\- - -_

“ _Of course. I’ll be here as soon as I can.”_

He hangs up and is about to explain when Greg’s phone rings. Jessica’s father looks at his phone for a second, scared to answers, but he does.

“ _Hello.”_

\- - -

“ _This is him.”_

\- - -

“ _Arrested? Why?”_

_\- - -_

“ _What can I do?”_

_\- - -_

“ _I see. Thank you. I’ll… I’ll be here.”_

Mr. Davis hangs up.

“ _They’re arrested?”_ Carolyn asks, not understanding how all of this works.

“ _They are.”_ Bill answers.

“ _Are they going to be send to prison?”_ Noelle asks.

“ _They’re not. Now that they are officially arrested, they are going to be detained, but their lawyers are going to negotiate for bails.”_ Bill explains.

“ _So we pay them money and they can come home today?”_ Carolyn asks, her tone full of hope.

“ _It takes some time. They won’t be released today.”_ Greg answers.

“ _Right. We have to wait for their lawyers to do their work now.”_ Bill tells them.

“ _The officer told me we could go to the station to see her though.”_ Greg informs his wife.

“ _We can see them before they’re officially placed on pretrial detention.”_ Bill explains.

* * *

Jessica and Alex know exactly what is happening when they’re informed their parents are on their way. It means they’re going to spend the night in detention, at least, if their parents can afford their bails, or they’re going to spend each day there until the trial.

* * *

Jessica is not relieved to see her parents entering the interrogation room she’s been in all day. The last thing she wants is to play pretend with them, not taking any risk for the cops to think they knew about this. But pretending they didn’t know isn’t the only pretending she’ll have to do. She’s going to have to pretend they didn’t break her heart the night before as well.

“ _How are you?”_ Her father asks as they sit down across the table from her.

Jessica shrugs.

> _What a stupid question._

“ _We talked to your lawyer. Your bail hearing is tomorrow.”_ Her mother informs her.

“ _Okay… I’m really sorry for you to found out like that and I’m sorry you won’t be able to fly back to Seattle tonight.”_

> _Is that stupid to say as well? Probably, but at least I’m not pretending. I mean it._

“ _We canceled our flight. There’s no way we’re letting you go through this alone.”_ Greg tells her, determined.

Jessica offers him a thankful smile. She can almost see the father he used to be, ready to do anything for her, but her smile falls as soon as her mother speaks and she understands what they mean by it.

“ _This is what you do when you truly love someone Jessica. You make sure they don’t have to do anything alone, even if you have to sacrifice a little to do so. Even if it’s not easy.”_

She can’t yell at them about this here, so she’s silent instead.

> They really came here to push me to rethink this adoption idea that they never even had until yesterday?

“ _What do you know about Alex?”_ Jessica asks, changing the subject instead.

“ _Not much. Bill and Carolyn came here to talk to him as well. I’m guessing he won’t be released before a hearing bail too.”_ Noelle informs her.

“ _Okay. Then I think you should go. I’ll see you at the hearing tomorrow.”_

“ _Jessica. Don’t you think this is a good time to explain why you did all this?”_ Her father asks. With all their fear and worry turning into anger last night, she never had a chance to fully explain it.

“ _I’ll explain at the trial.”_ She coldly answers. If they wanted to hear her, all they had to do was listen yesterday, it’s too late now.

“ _We’re going to meet with your lawyer tomorrow before the hearing.”_ Greg explains, sadden he missed his chance to let her daughter explain her actions to them.

“ _Okay.”_ She answers, not looking at them, too hurt, angry and sad to reconnect right now.

They get up and leave the room.

Jessica takes a deep breath.

> _Am I really selfish to have this baby when I know there’s a chance I won’t be here to raise her?_ _Is it selfish to put this kind of responsibility on Justin’s shoulder?_

* * *

“ _Okay. Thank you. We’ll see you tomorrow.”_ Lainie hangs up.

“ _What did they say?”_ Justin asks, eager to have any kind of information since he hasn’t had any since Jessica told him she was outside the police station.

“ _They’re both going to be detained until their bail hearings. I explained to you two how this works. Do you remember?”_ Lainie decides to clearly explain the facts to her sons.

“ _When is it?”_ Clay asks.

“ _Tomorrow.”_ She answers, relieved it’s happening that fast.

“ _So tomorrow she’s going to be free and she can just live here until her trial right?”_ Justin asks. He just doesn’t want anything to change.

“ _If her parents can afford bail, she’ll be free yes.”_ Lainie answers, avoiding the second part of his question.

“ _That’s pretty good right?”_ Clay tries to find anything good to say about this.

“ _It is.”_ Lainie answers with a reassuring smile.

“ _So nothing to worry about for now. She’ll be by your side tomorrow.”_ Clay tells Justin.

“ _Actually… I’m really sorry Justin, but I’m not sure she’s going to be able to live here after all.”_ Lainie informs him.

“ _Why? Is there some kind of law that says she can’t live here? I don’t understand...”_ Justin responds.

“ _It’s not a law. It’s her parents. They want her to go to Seattle with them.”_ Lainie tells him.

“ _She doesn’t wanna to go to Seattle.”_ Justin says, not understanding how this changed so suddenly.

“ _Did she change her mind?”_ Clay asks.

“ _I don’t know. All Noelle told me was that they feel it’s for the best if she stays with them for now.”_

“ _It’s not what she wants.”_ Justin repeats, trying to convince himself Jessica wouldn’t do that, no, knowing it for sure.

“ _We’ll talk about that tomorrow okay? You two need to get some sleep.”_ Lainie escapes his question. She knows he’s right, but she also knows it’s not her place to judge any decision her parents make.

Clay and Justin exchange a look.

> _What the hell is happening?_


	204. Just begging to be found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Sebastien Schuller – High Green Grass

The hearing bail goes pretty well for both Alex and Jessica which means they are released immediately, until their trial at least. After her release, Jessica and her parents meet with her lawyer to prepare for the trial. During the car-ride after this, Jessica breaks the heavy silence.

“ _When are you leaving town?”_

“ _Tomorrow.”_ Her father answers.

Jessica nods. She hoped they would stay in Evergreen, but she knows she’s not the only child they have to look after so she understands.

“ _Can you drop me at the Jensens?”_ She asks.

“ _Honey. You should stay with us for now.”_ Noelle responds, without even turning to look at her.

“ _I’ve spend the day with you.”_ Jessica defends herself. It’s not like she’s asking for too much.

“ _Listen, why don’t you stop at the hotel to take a shower and change? You can go see Justin after.”_ Her mother offers, finally turning to face her.

“ _Okay. I’ll see him later.”_ She responds with a small smile. Maybe she gets defensive for no reason. She spend the night in a cell, maybe taking a shower isn’t such a crazy idea.

* * *

When Jessica gets out of the bathroom of the hotel her parents are staying at since yesterday, they are both seated on the bed, clearly waiting for her.

“ _What?”_ She asks, not looking forward to another adoption discussion.

“ _We need to talk.”_ Her father tells her as he pats the bed between them to invite her to sit.

Part of her wants to say no and just leave to see Justin, but after everything she put them through, she can at least listen to them, unlike what they did to her. She walks up to the bed and sits between them.

“ _We went to see Lainie this morning.”_ Noelle informs her.

“ _Does she hate me?”_ Jessica asks, not wanting her relationship with her to change either.

“ _She doesn’t. She really cares about you.”_ Greg reassures her.

“ _Why did you go there?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _We wanted to apologize for your actions and to discuss your living arrangement.”_ Greg explains.

“ _She doesn’t want me to live there anymore.”_ Jess says, defeated.

“ _She does, but… we don’t think it’s a good idea.”_ Noelle explains.

“ _Why? You were perfectly fine with this two days ago.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _But things are different now. You’ll be on trial pretty soon and we can’t be here for you from Seattle.”_ Greg tells her.

Jessica shakes her head. This is true, but she doesn’t understand why she should pay for their choice to leave this town.

“ _I don’t need your help. You’re not lawyers.”_ She tells them.

“ _We know and we got you one and we’ll make sure you keep having one, a good one, to defend you.”_ Noelle points out.

“ _Jessica, Clay and Justin are part of this. You can’t be living with them right now.”_ Greg lets out.

“ _The lawyer didn’t mention that when I told him everything.”_

“ _That’s true, but...”_ Noelle has no choice to agree there.

“ _But you two don’t want me to live with them?”_ Jessica points out.

“ _We don’t. Not anymore.”_ Greg reveals.

Jessica scoffs.

“ _So what? I start looking for a job so I have enough money for an apartment or an hotel or…?”_ Jessica doesn’t understand what they’re expecting from her.

“ _No, you come live with us.”_ Noelle lets out.

“ _In Seattle?”_ Jessica asks, shocked they can even suggest this now.

“ _In Seattle.”_ Her father answers calmly, like this is fair.

“ _I’m not going to Seattle. My friends are here. Alex is here. Justin is here.”_ Jessica disagrees as she gets up and begins to pace around in the room.

“ _You’re coming with us tomorrow. We already bought you a ticket.”_ Noelle explains as she show it to her.

Jessica takes it. She looks at it for a second, wondering if this is somehow just a bad joke. She knows it’s not, so she decides to try anything to stay in Evergreen.

“ _You don’t want me to live with Justin. How about I stay at the Standall's?”_

“ _They have enough on their plate already.”_ Greg responds.

Jessica knows it’s true. She can’t cause more problem for them, her being the only reason Alex ended up on that pier that night.

“ _What if I refuse and decide to stay here?”_ She challenges her parents. She’s an adult, it’s not like they can drag her by force to Seattle.

“ _You can’t.”_ Greg tells her.

“ _Of course I can. This is still my choice.”_ Jessica retorts.

“ _You’re right, it is your choice and you should be smart about it.”_ Noelle tells her.

“ _I am. My whole life is here. The father of my child is here. I mean… I know I’m staying here.”_

“ _This isn’t the smart choice. This is the choice you’re making without really thinking about it.”_ Greg tells her.

“ _Yeah, because I’m so stupid right?”_ Jessica asks, remembering how her dad mentioned it two nights ago.

“ _You’re not stupid, but you tend to follow your heart and so far it has only gotten you in trouble. Time after time. If there is any moment where you should start to follow your head it’s when you’re on trial for murder.”_ Noelle explains.

Jessica sighs.

“ _Okay, I get it. I know why you could think this is a bad idea, but I know it’s not. I’m not going anywhere with you. I’m staying with Justin.”_ Jessica answers, even more determined than before.

“ _Justin. The reason you’re in this mess in the first place!”_ Her father gets a little angry.

“ _Wow. You quickly changed your mind about him again.”_ Jessica points out, so disappointed.

“ _I did, the second you told us about Bryce. I wanted to believe he changed, that he wasn't causing trouble for you anymore, but clearly that’s not true.”_

“ _He did! Do you realize I was on the pier that night? Justin has nothing to do with any of this! If someone is causing trouble for the other, this time it’s all on me! I’m the murderer!”_

“ _Don’t say that!”_ Her mother stops her.

“ _I… I didn’t kill him, but I was there, so leave Justin out of it.”_ Jessica says in a lower voice.

Greg shakes his head.

“ _If it wasn’t for Justin, would Bryce have entered your life?”_ Greg asks.

“ _If it wasn’t for you taking this job in Evergreen, Bryce wouldn’t have entered my life either. You can point the finger anywhere you want, we all made choices that lead to this.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _You’re right. So we’re fixing this now. You’re coming with us to Seattle.”_ Greg says.

“ _This isn’t going to fix anything dad.”_ She responds, shaking her head.

“ _It won’t, but at least we’ll be here to look after you.”_ Noelle tells her.

“ _No. I’m not going to Seattle. You can disagree. Hell, you can disown me if you want, I’m not leaving.”_

“ _Are you sure about that?”_ Her dad asks.

Jessica looks at him, waiting for him to explain.

“ _If you don’t come with us, how are you going to pay for your lawyer?”_ He continues.

Jessica opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Are they really going to disown her if she stays?

“ _We don’t want to do this, but if this how things have to go for you to come with us, so be it.”_ Greg adds.

“ _I’m sure I can find a way to pay for it myself.”_ Jessica tries, she refuses to give up.

“ _How? You don’t have any money Jess and the little you have you need for your daughter. What happens once she’s here? Do you plan on raising her without a dime in your pocket?”_ Noelle asks.

“ _I figured you would help. You offered to do so._ ” Jessica tells them in a trembling voice, realizing they’re ready to completely give up on her at this point.

“ _We will. If you agree to come with us.”_ Noelle reassures her, but this is a threat more than anything for Jess.

Jessica shakes her head. There has to be another way.

“ _Justin has a job.”_ She tries to find any sort of solution.

“ _He’s working a few days a week for the summer. This isn’t enough to raise a baby. And you think it’s enough to pay for a lawyer as well?”_ Greg tells her.

“ _We want to help you, to make sure you have a good future, all three of you.”_ Noelle tells her.

“ _By threatening to cut me off?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _By convincing you to do the right thing. All you have to do is to come with us to Seattle. This is just a compromise.”_ Noelle responds.

“ _It’s what you need to do to look after your daughter. Think about her future instead of focusing on your present.”_ Greg adds.

Their words are getting to her. It would be selfish to refuse their help when she can get it by living with them for now.

“ _I can come to Evergreen whenever I want?”_ She asks.

“ _Of course. We’re not kidnapping you. You’re free to come spend time here anytime you want.”_ Greg reassures her.

As much as it’s killing her, she doesn’t have much of a choice, not when it’s the only way she has to make sure her daughter is going to have everything she needs.

“ _Okay.”_ She says in a sigh, tired of arguing, tired of fighting.

“ _I’ll come live with you in Seattle for now, until the trial.”_

Her parents nods, happy to have won this battle. Her mother gets up to hug her. Jessica brings her hand in the air to stop her and takes a few steps back.

“ _I’m going to see Justin. Just know he’s going to be part of my life, whether you want it or not.”_ She tells them before she turns her back to them and grabs her bag.

> _Unlike the two of you. I’ll never forgive you for this._

She thinks as she leaves the hotel room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a major in law and since I'm not from the US, I don't know the justice system that well. I did my research and I try my best, but there might be some mistakes along the way when it comes to this. I'm so sorry if this is the case and I'll be okay with you telling me how much I f****d up in the comments ahah


	205. Where We Had Never Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Where We Had Never Gone – Sebastien Schuller

Zach is working out in the gym at school. His job as a coach starts tomorrow and he’s a little anxious not to be in the best shape possible for it.

“ _Do you ever leave this gym?”_

Zach sits on the bench and looks at the person who just arrived.

“ _Hey. How did it go?”_ He asks.

“ _I’m free for now… kind of.”_ Jessica answers in a shrug.

Zach gives her a puzzled look.

“ _My parents… they want me to leave town tomorrow and go live with them in Seattle.”_ She explains as she sits on the bench next to him.

“ _Really? You’re not going to do that are you?”_

“ _I am. It’s… what’s best for everyone right now.”_

“ _How did Justin take it?”_

“ _I haven’t told him yet. I wanted to ask you for a favor first.”_

“ _Sure. Anything.”_

“ _Will you look after him for me while I’m gone?”_ She asks in a trembling voice.

“ _You know I will, but why me? I’m sure Clay is the best candidate for this job.”_

“ _Clay is great, but he ca_ _n_ _be a little judgmental.”_

“ _A little?”_ Zach jokes.

“ _If Justin has trouble with his recovery… he won’t tell Clay about it and he certainly won’t tell his parents.”_

“ _What makes you think he’s going to tell me?”_

“ _Oh, he’s not going to tell you, so you’re gonna have to be as pushy and annoying as you were with me. If you don’t give up on him like you never gave up on me, I know he’ll be fine.”_

“ _I wasn’t annoying! I was… protective.”_

“ _You were.”_ She says in a sad chuckle.

“ _I’m going to miss you.”_ She offers him sincerely.

“ _No, no, no. This is not goodbye.”_

“ _I wish it wasn’t, but… I’m not sure how long I have before the trial and I’m going to be spending a lot of time in Seattle until then so… Just in case.”_ She says with a sad tone.

“ _You’ve been a pain in my ass for so long.”_ Zach jokingly comments which causes Jess to chuckle.

“ _But… you’ve became one of my best friend and I am going to miss having you around.”_ Zach continues.

“ _Don’t go all cheesy on me now Dempsey.”_ She teases him as she playfully shoves him in the arm.

“ _Okay, okay, I won’t say anything more, but I hope you know I’ll always be there to look after you… and Justin and of course, baby Jesstin.”_

“ _I can’t let you keep calling her like that.”_ She responds in a chuckle.

“ _Hey, there’s an easy solution. Just tell me her name. I know you picked one.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _Really?”_ Zach is surprised.

Jessica nods and gets up. She leans towards him and whispers something in his hear.

“ _That’s… a great choice.”_ He comments with a smile.

“ _If you tell this to anybody, I’m going to kick your ass.”_ She responds.

“ _I have no doubt you will.”_ He chuckles before he gets up to face her.

“ _You take care of her and I’ll take care of her dad okay?”_ He offers.

“ _I promise.”_ She answers with a smile, her hand resting on her belly.

She then motions towards him to hug him goodbye, but he takes a step back.

“ _I’m all sweaty.”_ He informs her.

“ _I don’t care.”_ She comments as she wraps her arms around him anyway, before she lets go and leaves the gym. 

* * *

Jessica hesitates a bit before knocking on the door of the next person she stopped to talk to on her way to see Justin. Maybe she shouldn’t be here, but she can’t leave town tomorrow without saying goodbye first, so she knocks. After a few seconds, Carolyn opens the door.

“ _You shouldn’t be here.”_ She tells her.

“ _I know, but… I’m leaving town tomorrow and I just want to say goodbye.”_ Jessica explains.

Carolyn sighs, debating if she should let her in.

“ _Please.”_ Jessica pleads as Alex appears behind his mom.

His mother turns to look at him, avoids his stare and leaves, allowing Jessica in.

“ _Hey.”_ Alex greets her.

“ _Hey.”_ She responds with a sad smile.

* * *

“ _Maybe I should have called before coming here.”_ Jessica tells him as he closes the door of his bedroom behind them.

“ _Since when do you have to call before coming here?”_ He reassures her.

“ _Since your mother hates me apparently.”_

“ _She doesn’t. She just… I guess she’s just hating all of this situation.”_ He sighs as he sits on his bed.

Jessica nods. _Who isn’t?_

“ _Have you seen the article online?”_ He asks.

“ _Yeah, the all town knows too now.”_ She responds.

“ _This fucking journalist didn’t waste time before driving us through the mud.”_

“ _It’s not that surprising. The same thing happened during Hannah’s trial.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _We’re not even on trial yet. It’s going to be pretty hard to go outside without people looking at us and judging us, again. I wish I could just disappear.”_

Jessica looks at him with worry.

“ _You don’t mean...”_ She doesn’t want to ask, but she’s too concerned not to.

“ _No, no. I’m sorry. I mean, I don’t know, just going far far away until the trial.”_

Jessica scoffs.

“ _What?”_ Alex asks.

“ _I wish I could stay here until the trial.”_ She says with a sad shrug.

“ _You’re not?”_

“ _No. I’m leaving for Seattle tomorrow.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _My parents didn’t really leave me a choice.”_

“ _So I’m just… not going to see you until the trial starts?”_

“ _I hope I will be able to fly back here a lot, but… I don’t know.”_

They look at each other, terrified they may have to do this apart when until that point, it always was the two of them facing this together.

“ _You remember what I told you about my parents? That they don’t seem to understand me, to see me or even to know me?”_ Jessica asks him, to which he nods.

“ _Now it’s like all they see is this worst possible version of me.”_

“ _At least they see you. My mother hasn’t been able to look me in the eyes since I told her everything.”_

“ _I’m not sure which is worse.”_ Jessica sadly comments.

“ _At least we’ll always have that. Seeing each other for who we really are.”_ Alex tells her as he takes her hand.

Jessica begins to cry.

“ _Always_.” She says, a lump in her throat.

“ _What am I gonna do without my best friend to hide in my room with me?”_ Alex asks.

“ _You always have your boyfriend.”_ Jessica comments with a reassuring smile.

Alex nods, happy to know he won’t be completely alone, but suddenly it hits him.

“ _Justin is not coming with you is he?”_

Jessica shakes her head, tears escaping her eyes.

“ _No.”_ She manages to answers without breaking down completely.

Alex looks at her with some kind of pity. It means she’s going to be alone unlike him. Well, with her parents, but that’s not what she needs right now, nor what she wants, clearly.

“ _When I leave your house, I’m supposed to go see him and tell him I’m leaving town and… I have no idea how I’m going to convince him this is the right choice.”_ Jessica explains between sobs.

“ _Is it the right choice?”_ Alex tries to understand.

“ _It’s the only choice I have.”_ She lets out.

“ _I don’t want to leave him and… I don’t want to leave you.”_ She says as she wraps her arms around him.

“ _We’ll both be here waiting for you. I know a lot of things are going to change, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that this isn’t going to.”_ Alex reassures her, gently rubbing her back before he moves away from her and looks her in the eyes.

“ _No matter how far from each other we are and how long we have to be apart, we’ll always come back to each other and I know it’s the same for you and Justin. Trust me, there have been time I wished you two wouldn't go back to each other, but nothing can stand between the two of you.”_

“ _I know that.”_ She agrees before she takes a deep breath.

“ _On that note…”_ She gets up.

“ _FML?”_ She extends her hand in front of him.

“ _FOL”_ He responds as he gets up and places his hand on tops of hers.

“ _Fuck… our lives?”_ She asks.

Alex nods in a chuckle and takes her into his arms.

“ _FOL_ ” Jessica says against his ear, holding on tightly to him, afraid to let go.


	206. Really too late to call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Funeral – Band Of Horses

Jessica opens the door to the outhouse with a heavy heart, wondering when she’s going to be able to be back here. Her parents told her she was free to come back to Evergreen whenever she wanted, but she knows it’s not going to be that easy, nothing ever is. Justin looks up from the papers he’s reading, a huge smile on his face when he sees her.

“ _Hi.”_ He greets her.

Jessica doesn’t want to break down so she doesn’t speak, but approaches him and places a kiss on his lips. She then wraps her arms around him.

“ _I missed you.”_ She tells him.

“ _I missed you too. How…”_

He lets go of her.

“… _What happened since yesterday?”_ He continues.

Jessica sits down on the chair next to him.

“ _The officers interrogated us for a while. After that, our lawyers arrived and the interrogation continued for a few more hours. Our parents came to see us before they transferred us to our cells where we spend the night.”_

“ _How was it?”_

“ _Not that bad. It wasn’t a jail cell.”_ She says in a shrug. 

“ _And today, the hearing right?”_

“ _Yeah. It was… harder than I thought to be back in a court room, but it went well and they released the both of us once our parents paid our bails.”_

Justin nods, processing everything, not wanting to ask the millions questions running in his mind.

“ _I wanted to come see you as soon as I got out, but… I had to meet with my lawyer first.”_

“ _You’ve been with him until now?”_

“ _No, I… I went back to the hotel to take a shower and change.”_

“ _That must have been a crazy long shower. I’ve been waiting all day to hear from you.”  
_ Jessica nods, knowing how much time passed since she got out.

“ _You could have called me or responded to my texts at least.”_

Justin hates complaining, but he feels like she’s slipping away from him.

Jessica knows she should have and she feels even more guilty knowing what she’s gonna have to tell him next. Her stare darts to the papers on the table as she avoids looking at Justin.

“ _Is this your contract?”_ She asks, noticing the logo of Caleb’s gym on the pages.

“ _It is.”_ Justin answers before he places his hand on the paper.

“ _What’s going on?”_ He asks, noticing how she’s avoiding talking to him and even looking at him.

Jessica looks at him, surprised by his sudden cold tone.

“ _I didn’t call because I thought it would be easier to explain this to you in person.”_

“ _I texted you to see if you were okay, all I needed was a simple yes or no.”_

“ _I know, but I didn’t really have time. My parents and I had a long talk and then...”_

She can’t tell him she went to see Zach and Alex before coming here.

“ _They don’t want you to live here anymore do they?”_

Jessica didn’t expect him to know about this already.

“ _They told my mom, who told me.”_ He explains.

Jessica sighs.

“ _They don’t.”_ She confirms what he knows already.

“ _What are we going to do?”_ He asks.

“ _I can’t afford to pay a rent so… the only choice I have is to go to Seattle with my parents.”_

“ _That’s not your only option. I’m sure we can find someone else that will agree to host you for a while.”_

“ _Maybe, but… it’s just easier to live with my parents.”_

“ _How?”_ Justin doesn’t get it.

“ _It’s probably best if I’m not in Evergreen right now. Everyone knows about Alex and I and… if I leave at least you don’t have to be caught up in all this.”_

“ _I don’t fucking care about that.”_

“ _I know, but maybe you should. You’re still recovering and you’re going to be working now. This is just drama you don’t need. This way you can focus on you for a while.”_

“ _What about us? You’re just going to leave me behind like that?”_

“ _I’m not… I will visit you as often as I can. In the meantime, you should spend time with your family. Go on this trip your parents suggested.”_

“ _If we have to spend time part, I’m not going to use the few days a week I have free with them. I’ll come spend time with you in Seattle.”_

“ _The plan ticket is expensive. You shouldn’t spend money on this.”_

“ _You don’t want me to come.”_

“ _I’ll come here.”_ She says in a shrug. To be honest, no, she doesn’t want Justin to come because she doesn’t want him to see her parents anymore and she’ll take any chance she gets to get the hell away from them.

“ _Will you? Because I feel like you’re just okay with this.”_

“ _I’m not. It’s just the only choice I have.”_

Justin nods, but he can sense she’s not honest, not completely at least.

“ _When are you leaving?”_

“ _Tomorrow.”_

Justin opens his mouth, but he doesn’t know what to say anymore.

“ _We’ll survive this right?”_ She asks, placing her hand on top of his, needing reassurance Alex was right and this is a relationship that won’t break.

For a second, Justin doesn’t answer and she’s terrified.

“ _I just feel like you’re running away from me.”_ He responds after a few seconds.

Jessica lets go of his hand, gets up and faces him.

“ _I’m not. Believe me when I tell you I’ll always come back to you okay? Any chance I get.”_ She tells him in a determined tone.

“ _So why are you leaving?”_ He asks in a sad tone, not understanding why she chose the option that would lead her a few hundreds miles away from him when there has to be other options.

“ _I’m doing this for us okay? All three of us.”_

Justin shakes his head, still not convinced.

“ _You believe me right?”_ She asks him.

“ _Of course I do.”_

Jessica wraps her arms around him again, trying to reassure him and herself at the same time.

“ _Then we’re going to be okay.”_ She adds.

Justin tightens his hold of her, not wanting to let go, now or ever.

When Jessica takes a step back, he notices the tears in her eyes.

“ _Where’s Clay?”_ She asks, changing the subject and hoping she’ll be able to say goodbye to him before tomorrow.

“ _He went to visit Sheri. He’s spending the night there.”_

“ _Really?”_

“ _Yeah, they didn’t get a chance to talk a lot at Graduation so she invited him so they could reconnect.”_

“ _Is he coming back early tomorrow?”_

“ _No idea.”_ Justin answers in a shrug.

Jessica nods sadly.

“ _You’ll see him soon right? Since you told me you are planning on coming back here as often as you can.”_

“ _Of course, I just wanted to thank him again for all this before I leave.”_ She gestures towards the bed and the crib.

“ _Are you staying with me tonight?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Where do you think I’m going to spend the night if not with you?”_ She asks him with a reassuring smile.

“ _Are your parents okay with it?”_

Jessica scoffs.

“ _I couldn’t care less about what they want right now.”_

“ _But enough to leave with them tomorrow anyway?”_

Jessica looks at him, kinda annoyed he’s still pushing. It’s not like this is easy for her.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ Justin apologizes.

Jessica accepts it, placing a kiss on his lips.

“ _Why don’t I...”_ Justin begins, taking her hand and leading her towards his new bed.

“… _remind you what you’re going to miss while in Seattle.”_ He continues as he gently lays her down on his bed, placing himself on top of her.

“ _I don’t need that to know it.”_ She tells him, locking her eyes with his.

“ _I’m really going to miss you Justin.”_

Justin offers her a sad smile. He doesn’t even need to respond for her to know he feels the same.

“ _But please, show me what you were going to do next.”_ She playfully says.

Justin chuckles and lies down on his back, bringing her against his chest.

“ _I’m just planning on holding on to you as long as I can.”_ He tells her, his arms wrapped around her.

This is what she’s going to miss; his voice, his smell, his arms around her.

“ _I love you.”_ She whispers, burying her face in his chest.

“ _I love you too. Both of you.”_ He responds, placing his hand on her belly.


	207. Skinny Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Bon Iver – Skinny Love

The trial begins not that long after that. Jessica only comes back to Evergreen with her parents for this, but at least she’s allowed to spend time with Justin when they do. Seeing Alex is a little bit different, both their parents started blaming each other for the implication of their child in this case. Alex would never have come to the pier if Jess hasn’t called him. Jessica wouldn’t be facing jail-time if Alex didn’t kill Bryce. Zach, Charlie, Justin, Clay, Ani and Tony have to testify, not about Bryce and his murder since they both plead guilty for it, but as character witnesses, meant to depict a portrait of who Alex and Jessica are. Luckily for them, everyone in the group stands up for them and helps their case. The hardest moment for Alex and Jessica is to face Mrs.Walker. There is only one court date left, the day they’re going to get the verdict, where all this is going to end, hopefully for the best.

* * *

Charlie arrives at Eisenhower Park to meet with Alex. When he arrives, the boy is seated on the swing, looking at the sky.

“ _We could have gone somewhere a little more cozy.”_ Charlie tells him as he sits on the swing next to him.

“ _I agreed to see you outside my house, take your win.”_ He playfully responds.

“ _That’s fair, but wouldn’t it be better to go to Monet’s or Rosie’s or… I don’t know, just some place you love?”_

“ _When I still have the chance to?”_ Alex asks him.

“ _Yeah.”_ Charlie responds in a breath.

It’s sad to think about it, but yes, it might be Alex’s last night of freedom.

“ _I’m good with this. I can look at the stars and… the company is not bad.”_ Alex tells him.

Charlie offers him a thankful smile.

They sit together in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say.

“ _If I do end-up in jail tomorrow, what does it mean for us?”_ Alex finds the courage to ask.

Charlie shrugs before he answers.

“ _I love you Alex.”_

“ _I do to, but...”_

Alex doesn’t finish his sentence, not wanting to break his boyfriend’s heart.

“ _If you want to end things with me, you’re gonna have to say it, because I’m not going to do it.”_ Charlie tells him.

“ _I don’t want to end things with you, but we’re still young and we’ve only been dating for a few months. If I have to spend years in prison, it wouldn’t be fair to ask you to wait for me. I don’t want you to.”_

“ _So you’re breaking up with me?”_

“ _I am.”_ Alex responds in a sigh.

Charlie nods, taking it in.

“ _I do love you.”_ Alex adds. If there is one thing he wants Charlie to remember it’s this.

“ _If you’re not going to prison, it’s going to be kinda awkward.”_ Charlie decides to joke to light up the mood. He knows why Alex is doing this and he understands it.

His comment makes Alex chuckle.

“ _If I do, it’s what’s best for both of us. You understand that right?”_ Alex asks.

“ _I do and I agree with you.”_

“ _Do you think maybe we could start this break-up thing tomorrow?”_ Alex asks.

Charlie offers him a gentle smile.

“ _I was hoping we would.”_ He responds as he takes his hand in his.

Alex tugs on his hand as he gets up.

“ _Where are we going?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _Just here.”_ Alex says, stopping after few steps.

“ _Why?”_

“ _Because I want to dance with you and we have a little more space here.”_ Alex responds with a smile.

“ _Did I hear that correctly?”_ Charlie asks in a chuckle.

Alex nods as he begins to slow dance with him.

“ _Dancing with you made me realize maybe this isn’t so bad.”_

“ _What are we going to do next?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _You see that hill up there?”_ He points at it.

Charlie turns around to look at it before he looks back at Alex with a nod.

“ _We’re going to lay in the grass and look at the stars.”_

“ _Good choice.”_ Charlie says, impressed Alex suggests it.

“ _And after that...”_ Alex says, bringing his lips closer to his.

“ _We’re going to make out in my car.”_ He adds, against Charlie’s lips.

“ _Or… you could come back to my place.”_ Charlie offers.

“ _Your dad’s there.”_ Alex comments.

“ _The house is huge. He’s probably going to be asleep once we get there after we gaze at the stars. I promise you, he won’t notice.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Alex responds.

“ _Good choice.”_ Charlie replies playfully as he drops a kiss on his still-boyfriend’s lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know... skipping time like this is probably not what you wanted, but it was necessary for the story. This way you're put in Justin's and Jessica's shoes a little. Being far away, not really knowing what's going on. After the story ends, if you feel this was a mistake, I might write a one shot or something like this to make up for it.


	208. Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Magic Wands – Space

“ _This sucks.”_ Justin lets out.

“ _I know, but that’s how it works. We can’t be in the court-room tomorrow.”_ Clay responds.

“ _What did her lawyer say?”_ He continues.

“ _I don’t know.”_ Justin says in a sigh.

“ _She doesn’t tell me much.”_ He adds.

“ _She probably has no idea how it’s going to go.”_ Clay reassures him.

“ _Maybe.”_ Justin answers, but he’s not buying it.

He felt her sleeping away from him the moment she told her parents the truth and it hasn’t stopped since. She’s only getting further and further away from him. When she’s here and they get to actually spend time together, it’s wonderful, but those moments didn’t happen much in the past few weeks.

“ _She arrives tonight right?”_ Clay asks.

“ _She’s on her way right now.”_ Justin answers.

* * *

When Jessica enters the outhouse, it feels like he hasn’t seen her in months. How is he going to survive being apart from her if she does go to jail?

“ _Hey.”_ She greets him as she runs up to him, jumping in his arms. She missed him so much, even if it has only been a week since they last saw each other.

“ _Hey babe.”_ Justin responds, holding on tightly to her.

“ _Let me get that.”_ He tells her, taking the bag from her shoulder.

“ _Is this all your stuff?”_ He asks, surprise she didn’t bring more as he puts it on his bed.

“ _Yeah, it turns out it’s easier to travel lightly.”_ She jokes.

“ _I mean, after the trial ends, you’re moving in here right?”_

They talked about this and they agreed on it, even their parents did.

“ _I am, but I didn’t want to come here with all my stuff. I… I didn’t want to really move in here until we’re done with this for good.”_ She explains.

“ _The trial ends tomorrow.”_ He points out.

“ _I know, but… what are you going to do with it if I can’t move in tomorrow?”_ She asks, avoiding saying out loud the word jail.

Justin opens her bag and takes out a few clothes from it.

“ _You’re coming back here tomorrow.”_ He tells her, determined, as he opens his dresser to put her clothes inside. 

Jessica sighs as she sits on the bed. Justin refuses to admit this is a possibility. Every time it’s brought up, he acts like this isn’t an option. He comes back to the bed and continues unpacking. Jessica lets him do it, because she knows he needs to have hope, but she doesn’t want to do it, because she doesn’t need false hope. Until tomorrow and the verdict, it’s impossible to know which one of them is right.

“ _What is this?”_ Justin asks, holding something he just found in her bag.

Jessica turns to look at him and gets up abruptly, a look of terror on her face.

“ _It’s nothing. Please, don’t worry about it.”_ She begs him.

“ _Nothing? What is this doing in your bag?”_ He asks, raising his voice higher at each word.

She walks up to him to take it out of his hand, but he takes a step back.

“ _Stop lying to me! What are these?”_ He yells at her.

Jessica shakes her head, grabs the pamphlets from him, walks up to the trash-can and throws them away.

“ _Nothing! Okay?”_ She raises her voice too.

“ _No, not okay! You have adoption pamphlets in your bag and I’m not supposed to freak out?”_

“ _My parents gave them to me. You know I don’t want this Justin.”_

“ _Then why did you keep it?”_

“ _Because my parents are driving me insane! They wouldn’t shut up about it so my only choice was to pretend for a second I would consider it.”_

“ _Are you?”_

“ _That’s not fair.”_

“ _Isn’t it? And it’s fair for you to keep this away from me?”_

“ _I didn’t want you to know about it because you shouldn’t have to suffer from their bullshit.”_

“ _Since when are they not on board with this anymore?”_

“ _Since I told them about Bryce.”_

Justin sighs, shaking his head. He understands now.

“ _This is why you’ve been acting like this.”_ He says almost in a whisper.

“ _You’re not considering it?”_ He asks, needing to be reassured.

“ _God no! Justin...”_ She says, walking closer to him.

“ _I want to be with you. I want to have this family with you. It’s the only thing I know for sure, that I want the two of you in my life. Now and forever.”_ She explains, placing her hands on his chest.

“ _No one else is raising our daughter but us okay?”_ She continues.

Justin nods sadly.

“ _I don’t want to do it alone.”_ He lets out, full of despair, as he wraps his arms around her.

Jessica nods against his chest. She looks up at him.

“ _No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ll never be alone okay?”_ She tells him, a lump in her throat.

Justin nods as a single tear escapes his eye. Jessica wipes it with her thumb, caressing his face.

“ _You’ll have to make sure she’s never going to be alone either okay?”_ She ask, her voice breaking at the idea she might not be able to raiser her own daughter.

She lets go of him and grabs something from her bag before she sits on the bed.

“ _I need you to do something else for me.”_ She says, her voice trembling.

Justin sits beside her.

She hands him a journal.

“ _If I’m not here… will you give this to her?”_

Justin opens the journal. Pages and pages are filled with her writing.

“ _What is this?”_ He asks, his voice now completely calm.

“ _Everything I want her to know. Everything I wish I could tell her.”_ She explains.

Justin shakes his head, this terrifies him just as the much as the pamphlets did.

“ _Just in case.”_ Jessica adds.

Justin closes the journal and places it on the bed behind them.

“ _She’s going to have you.”_ He tells her.

“ _Justin… please.”_ She begs, tears now rolling down her cheeks.

Justin nods, places his arm around her shoulder and brings her closer to him.

“ _Okay. I promise you.”_ He whispers in her hair before dropping a kiss on her head.

Jessica places her hand on his chest, next to her face and closes her eyes, listening to his heartbeat, focusing on this as a way to forget how terrified she is. 


	209. Future This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Big Pink – Future This

The verdict is today. Tyler, Zach, Clay and Charlie are waiting at Monet’s. Alex and Jessica are inside the court-room, their sentence could be revealed at any moment now.

“ _How long has it been?”_ Tyler asks the others.

“ _About...”_ Clay looks at his watch _“… two hours.”_ He says in a sigh.

“ _It feels like we’ve been waiting longer.”_ Charlie comments.

“ _Is it a good sign or…?”_ Zach asks Clay.

“ _How am I supposed to know?”_ Clay responds.

“ _What did your mom tell you?”_ Zach asks.

“ _The last text she send me, she said they were about to do their closing arguments.”_ He informs him, a little annoyed to have to repeat it.

“ _I’m sorry, it’s just… I don’t like waiting.”_ Zach apologizes.

“ _Is it over?”_ Justin asks, arriving in a hurry, Tony just behind him.

“ _Not yet.”_ Clay tells him with a reassuring smile.

The two boys who just arrived sit down with them. Tony is still in his mechanic overall and Justin in his gym clothes. They didn’t waste time changing after their day of work.

“ _Maybe we should go to the courthouse.”_ Justin suggests. He really doesn’t want to wait in here.

“ _It’s best if we stay here. With all the press there, it’s just not a good idea for us to show up.”_ Clay reminds him.

“ _They will call us when they have a verdict.”_ Tyler reassures him.

“ _Will they? If they’re send to prison immediately, they won’t.”_ Justin points out.

“ _Mom will call us. She’s been there all afternoon.”_ Clay explains.

“ _What if her battery dies and she can’t?”_ Justin asks. Right now, he can only imagine the worst case scenario possible.

“ _Dude, someone will call okay?”_ Zach tells him, his tone determined.

He’s not so sure about it. If things go well, of course Lainie is going to call, but if the two of them are send to jail, is she really just gonna inform them over the phone like that? One simple phone-call to change the rest of their lives?

“ _I need some coffee.”_ Justin says as he gets up to order some.

“ _How was he at work today?”_ Zach asks Tony, looking out for his best friend.

“ _On hedge. Caleb told me he’s been like that all day.”_ Tony informs him.

The friends all look at each other, not knowing what they should do except to keep waiting.

Justin takes the mug the waitress is handing him and turns around. That is when he sees her, standing outside the coffee-shop, about to enter, alone. He locks eyes with her for a split second and immediately knows things didn’t go well. She’s alone. He drops the mug he’s holding and it crushes on the floor with a huge thud, breaking into many tiny pieces.

The sound make his friend turn around to watch him and he looks like he saw a ghost. He’s just standing there, paralyzed. They look to the door, where his stare is still focused, and they see her, Lainie. She enters the coffee-shop and they immediately get up, meeting her before she’s even made three steps.

“ _Where is she?”_ Justin asks, terrified, arriving by their side, not giving a single fuck about the mug he dropped and broke.

“ _Let’s go outside to talk okay?”_ She tells them, which doesn’t sound promising.

They all exit Monet’s, without saying a word, deciding to wait for the information.

“ _Mom.”_ Clay almost pleads once outside, needing to know it didn’t go as bad as it looks, based on the look on her face.

“ _I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you Justin. I drove Jessica home before coming here.”_ Lainie explains, her hand resting on her youngest son’s back.

“ _She’s fine?”_ Tyler asks, his tone full of relief.

Lainie nods sadly.

“ _She’s free. She’s on probation.”_ She explains.

“ _And Alex?”_ Zach asks.

Lainie takes a deep breath in and they all understand immediately things didn’t go as well for him.

“ _Oh god.”_ Charlie comments, his heart dropping in his chest.

“ _Did he get probation as well?”_ Clay asks, a little oblivious.

Lainie shakes her head.

“ _He has to serve jail time.”_ She lets out.

“ _How… how long?”_ Justin asks, feeling guilty for feeling so happy just seconds ago.

“ _Three years.”_ She tells them, her voice breaking a little.

Zach offers Charlie his support as soon as the words have left her mouth, placing his hand on his shoulder, but as the boy lets out his tears, Zach brings him into a hug, letting his own tears escaping as well.

“ _This isn’t fair!”_ Clay’s reaction is full of anger.

“ _I know honey.”_ Lainie responds, placing her hand on his shoulder.

“ _That’s it, it’s done? He’s going to jail for three years?_ ” Tyler asks, still processing it.

Lainie nods.

“ _I’m really sorry. I hoped things could be different, but the world isn’t always fair.”_ She responds.

“ _Neither is the justice system.”_ Justin lets out, angry at this too.

“ _You should come home. Jessica isn’t taking this well either.”_ Lainie tells him.

Justin sighs and rubs his eyes, not wanting to cry on the streets, not wanting to be weak, all Jess needs now is some strength.

“ _Okay.”_ He responds, following her to her car with Clay.

Charlie and Zach are still holding onto each other, silently crying in each other arms.

Tyler and Tony share a look of despair.

“ _He’s the first person that has been nice to me after the tapes.”_ Tyler says in a breath, not understanding how he deserves to end up in jail.

Tony shakes his head, not being able to make sense of this either.

“ _This fucking world.”_ He comments before he decides to hug Tyler, both of them needing comfort too right now. 


	210. Breathe in / Breathe out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : The Pioneers (M83 Remix) - Bloc Party

Jessica is seated in the court-room and the judge is about to announce her sentence. She has been holding her breath since she took her seat, at least that’s how it feels like. After months, she’s finally going to pay for what she did to Bryce, rather what she didn’t do, but what she did to Monty.

“ _3 years probation”_

It comes with a long list of conditions; not allowed to leave the country, no drinking or drugs, a probation officer to report to every week, an authorization necessary to leave the state,…

She is so relieved when she hears the word probation that she doesn’t pay much attention to what comes after. She breathes again. She’s free.

When everyone gets up, she understands she can leave this court. She gets up as well and leaves the court with her lawyer by her side. She stays by the door for a second, looking inside of the room, hoping to be able to see Alex, offer him a smile or a reassuring nod, but the door closes as soon as her eyes catches him entering through the other side of the room.

“ _Jessica! Oh my god.”_ Her mother arrives by her side, wrapping her arms around her.

She feels like she’s going to pass out, too hot and too cold at the same time. She spend weeks preparing for the worst and it didn’t happen.

“ _I just need a second.”_ She tells her parents, leaving their side to reach the nearest bathroom.

* * *

She opens the tap and lets the fresh water run on her hands before she pats her neck with her wet hands, trying to make her feel better.

“ _Are you okay?”_

She turns around to see Lainie.

“ _Th_ _at’s it? I’m free?”_ She asks. Maybe some part of her wanted to be punished more for this and everything she ever did, maybe another part hasn’t completely processed the news yet.

“ _You are and it’s a good thing.”_ Lainie says gently, approaching her.

“ _I put your address.”_ Jessica lets out.

“ _What?”_ Lainie ask, not understanding.

“ _They needed an address… the place where I was going to live and I gave them your address.”_

“ _Well, you’re going to live with us aren’t you?”_ Lainie asks with a smile.

“ _My parents never agreed to it.”_ She explains.

Lainie looks at her with concern.

“ _Justin said...”_ Lainie begins, but Jessica cuts her off.

“ _I lied. I just really don’t want to go back to Seattle.”_ She says as she begins to cry.

“ _I don’t want to leave Justin or anyone else.”_

Lainie reassuringly places her hands on her shoulders.

“ _I wish your parents were okay with this, but even if they aren’t, they don’t have a choice now. You can’t just leave the state like that. This is one of the condition of your probation.”_

“ _So… you’re letting me stay with you?”_

“ _Of course Jessica.”_ Lainie reassures her, bringing her into a hug.

“ _And I’m sure your parents will understand that.”_

“ _We should probably go.”_ Jessica says, letting go of her and wiping her tears. Alex’s fate is decided right now too and maybe it’s too soon to think about the future and whatever comes after this day.

They exit the bathroom.

* * *

“ _What’s happening?”_ Jessica asks her parents as she arrives by the court-room and notices the opens doors but no one inside anymore.

“ _Is it over?”_ She asks, the fear slowly reaching her, sensing things didn’t go as well as they did for her as she searches for her best-friend.

“ _Where is he?”_ She asks.

“ _Jessica.”_ Her father tells her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

She immediately understands and runs towards the exit.

* * *

When she arrives in front of the building, the press is here, documenting everything, taking every possible shot of Alex in handcuffs as officers bring him towards the car waiting at the end of the stairs. Jessica continues to run, sneaking between the journalists as she descend the steps of the courthouse. Some notice her and take her picture, but she doesn’t see them, her gaze fixated on Alex. When she arrives at the end of the stairs, it’s too late, Alex is already in the car and it drives off. She can’t help but make a step towards it, hoping she could reach and stop it, but her mother takes her arm. She looks at the car driving away until it disappears from the street.

“ _You shouldn't stay here. Come on.”_ Her father tries to reason her, taking her other arm; with this many journalists, it’s not a good idea.

Jessica doesn’t even hear their voices, rather she doesn’t understand what they’re saying exactly. It’s like a distant white noise. Suddenly, it’s like her whole body is giving up and she falls to her knees. The voices around her seem more and more distant as the buzzing in her head grows. She doesn’t feel her body anymore, just the hands helping her up and guiding her inside.

* * *

She suddenly comes back to herself when she feels the hard wood of the bench she’s seated on. She places her hands both side of her on the bench, needing to feel some sort of support, a hard surface that’s holding her. The voices around her are still echoing inside her head until she breaks in tears.

“ _Just breathe, keep breathing deeply and slowly, just like that.”_

She finally manages to understand what is going on and where she is. Lainie is squatting in front of her, her hand on her tight. She realizes she’s helping her breathe and notices just now the deep breathe she’s taking in, mimicking Lainie’s.

“ _Keep breathing.”_ Lainie tells her, taking another deep breathe in and inviting her to do the same, which she does.

After a couple of deep breathe, she notices her parents, standing behind her.

“ _Should we take her to the hospital?”_ Noelle asks her husband.

Jessica looks at them, then back to Lainie.

“ _I need to go home.”_ She tells her in a shaky breath.

“ _We’ll take you home.”_ Greg offers, siting down next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“ _No_ ” Jessica tells him, flinching under his touch.

His father removes his hand and looks at her, waiting for her to explain how she feels and what she needs.

Jessica shakes her head as she looks at him and her mother.

“ _You made me leave.”_ She lets out, tears continuously falling down her face.

“ _We wanted to protect you.”_ Her mom tells her.

Jessica gets up and Lainie offers her her hand, feeling like she’s probably still a little weak to stay up on her own.

“ _Can we go home?”_ She asks Lainie in a low voice.

Lainie looks at Jessica’s parents, feeling bad for them, but she nods, agreeing to do so.

“ _I’m staying in Evergreen this time. I won’t let you keep me away from the people I love.”_ Jessica tells her parents.

“ _We’re your family Jessica.”_ Noelle responds.

“ _Alex is my family too!”_ Jessica raises her voice.

“ _I could have had more time with him.”_

Noelle nods, tears forming in her eyes as regret begins to set in.

“ _We’re really sorry.”_ Greg tells her.

“ _You’re not.”_ Jessica retorts.

Greg looks at the ground, regret filling him too.

“ _I… I don’t want to see you ever again.”_ Jessica lets out with difficulty, her anger overpowering her before she turns around and walks away, Lainie by her side.

* * *

The ride to the house is silent. Jessica immediately regrets having said that, but right now at least it’s true, she doesn’t want to see them anymore. She has a million questions for Lainie, realizing she didn’t even ask what exactly happened to Alex, but she still doesn't feel good and decides to focus on her breathing for now, preparing as best as she can for when she finally asks.

She does once they reach the outhouse.

“ _How long is he going to be there?”_ She asks Lainie once she’s seated on Justin’s bed.

“ _Many factors can influence how much time he’s actually going to spend in jail.”_ Lainie tells her, knowing it’s going to scare her if she just gives her the sentence he got, but she can’t avoid it forever so she continues.

“ _3 years. He has to serve a three year sentence.”_

Jessica opens her mouth in shock.

“ _Why did I get probation and not him?”_

“ _There are probably many reasons.”_ Lainie tells her. It’s not like she worked on the case. She actually doesn’t know much.

“ _Your lawyer can probably explain this to you better than I can.”_

Jessica shakes her head and the torrent of tears is back, flowing down her cheeks.

“ _I need to call the boys to let them know.”_ Lainie tells her. They must be freaking out right now.

“ _Don’t call them. This isn’t the kind of news you share on the phone.”_ Jessica manages to say though the tears.

“ _Do you want to come with me?”_ Lainie offers, not sure she should leave her alone.

Jessica nods and gets up. She begins to follow Lainie towards the door when she remembers they are waiting at Monet’s. It hits her like lighting, harsh, burning and destroying.

“ _I can’t. I… I can’t go there.”_ Jessica lets out as she returns to Justin’s bed.

Lainie begins to walks towards her, but Jessica raises her hand in the air to stop her.

“ _You need to go. They can’t find out about this from the press.”_ She tells her.

“ _I’ll be back as soon as I can.”_ Lainie offers before she leaves, leaving Jessica sobbing in the outhouse alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't write this chapter at first, but I changed my mind, thinking it was important anyway, at least to explain Jessica's sentence at little more.


	211. Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Phoebe Bridgers – Funeral

Lainie enters the house. Clay begins to follow her, but he stops when he notices Justin still standing by the car. He walks up to him.

_“I can’t go see her.”_ Justin lets out.

_“She needs you right now.”_ Clay tells him.

_“She needs her best friend.”_ Justin responds in a sad shrug.

Clay looks at him with a puzzled look. He’s right, but she can’t and Justin is probably the only person in the planet that can console her right now.

_“It should have been me!”_ Justin yells.

_“Justin...”_ Clay begins, but his brother cuts him off.

“ _She called me and if I had answered that night, all of our lives would be better._ ” He says, letting his tears out.

_“She doesn’t need me now, she needed me last November! I let her down. Because that’s what I do, I let everyone down, always. Fuck!”_ His anger and guilt gets the best of him and he punches the side of the car.

_“That’s not true and you know it._ ” Clay reassures him.

Justin shakes his head.

_“I know… I…”_ He calms down.

_“I think you should take a minute before you go in there.”_ Clay tells him, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.

Justin takes a deep breath as he nods.

_“I’m going to talk to her. Just join us when you’re ready okay?”_ Clay offers.

_“Thank you.”_ Justin responds, a little embarrassed he’s reacting this way.

Clay leaves Justin’s side and walks up to the outhouse. He sees Jessica full on sobbing on the bed through the windows.

> _She must feel even more guilty than Justin does right now._

He slowly opens the door and he sees her turning her head to the wall, wiping her tears away before she looks up at him as he walks towards her. She seems relieved when she sees him and not Justin. She immediately starts sobbing again and gestures with her arms in the air in a shrug.

> _What even is there to say?_

Clay shrugs in return before he sits next to her in silence.

> _There’s nothing to say._

After a few seconds, Clay can’t take it anymore, hearing her sobbing uncontrollably like this, so he puts his arms around her and invites her to cry on his shoulder, which she does.

_“3 months probation”_ Jessica manages to say between sobs.

“ _He got three years.”_ She adds.

_“I know.”_ Clay answers. Bryce got three months probation for rapping her and Alex got three years for trying to help her.

_“How is this fair?_ ” She asks.

_“It’s not.”_ Clay agrees.

_“Why did I not pay for this too?”_

_“You are and you already have.”_ Clay reassures her.

_“It doesn’t feel like it.”_ She responds, slowly calming down.

_“Where’s Justin?”_ She asks, now wondering why Clay is here but not him.

Clay gets up.

_“I can go get him.”_ He offers.

“ _No!_ ” She stops him.

_“I… I need to… he doesn’t need to see me like that.”_ Jessica explains.

Clay sighs.

“ _Not acceptable.”_ He tells her.

She looks up at him, surprised.

_“You’re a mess right now and frankly it’s understandable, but you have no reason to hide this from him.”_ Clay explains.

_“I’m not hiding. I just want to calm down a little first. He doesn’t need to worry more than he should. It’s just the initial shock right now, I’ll be better in a few minutes.”_

_“How long have you been crying in here exactly? I’ll doubt it’s going to take you a few minutes to get back to normal and you know what? It doesn’t matter if Justin worries! He loves you, he’s going to worry about you anyway!”_ Clay raises his voice a bit.

Jessica looks at him, surprised he’s actually kinda hard on her right now.

_“You’re here! So is he and you’re both alive! Do you think Alex would refuse a chance to see Charlie right now? Do you know how much I would give to have the chance to see Hannah if she was just a few feet away from me right now?”_

Jessica starts sobbing again as she gets up from the bed.

_“I’m so sorry.”_ She tells Clay as she wraps her arms around him.

_“I’m so fucking sorry.”_ She repeats.

_“I am too.”_ He replies.

Jessica lets go of him and wipes her tears.

_“How do I look?”_ She asks jokingly with a sad chuckle.

_“Like a mess.”_ Clay offers her with a sympathetic smile.

Clay doesn’t need to go and get Justin because he arrives at this moment. Clay nods to Jess and exits the outhouse.

_“My god Jess. I’m so sorry.”_ He tells her as he walks up to her.

Jessica nods sadly.

_“Is it selfish to say I’m relieved too?”_ He asks her honestly.

Jessica shakes her head and brings him into a hug.

_“I thought I might never see you again.”_ He whispers against her ear, tightening his embrace.

_“You would have, no matter what happened today._ ” She responds, still holding on tight to him.

_“I’m not so sure about that. Having a big mouth like yours is kinda dangerous in jail._ ” He teases her as he looks her in the eyes.

Jessica offers him a small smile, but she breaks down in tears again, thinking of her best-friend living through it right now and for the next years of his life.

Justin shakes his head, regretting joking about it and brings her against him again, consoling her the best way he can, just by holding her in his arms.

_“Are your parents back to the hotel?”_ He asks her.

Jessica lets go of him and sits on the bed before she explains.

“ _I told them I never wanted to see them again_.”

Justin doesn’t responds, he doesn’t want to question it, not right now, so he sits next to her in silence, his hand resting on her leg, not wanting to break contact.

_“I could have stayed here. I could have spend more time with him if it wasn’t for them.”_ She lets out, her voice full of regret.

Justin lets her continue, knowing she needs to get all of this out of her chest right now.

_“They threatened to cut me off if I didn’t leave town with them.”_

Justin is surprised it got that far. She never told him exactly how their relationship changed once she told them the truth, but he knew it didn’t go as well as he first thought.

_“I lost the three of them in a single day.”_ She says before she breaks down in his arms.


	212. Something Good Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Something Good Coming – Tom Petty

_TWO WEEKS LATER_

“ _And…_ _ten. You owe me 20 dollars.”_ Clay tells his parents as he’s walking in the woods with them and his brother.

“ _Why?”_ Justin asks, confused while the three of them chuckle.

“ _We made a bet on how many time you would call Jess during this hike. I said at least ten, but they didn’t believe me.”_ Clay explains.

“ _Yeah, well I wouldn’t have called more than once if we had any cell reception here.”_ Justin responds, a little stressed out, his phone still in his hand.

Clay stares at him, not buying it.

“ _Okay, maybe twice, but the calls are not going though so I’m not sure it counts as ten times.”_ Justin replies.

“ _Why don’t you two continue without us? Maybe if we stop moving for a bit you’ll get a better signal.”_ Matt asks Clay and Lainie.

Justin gives him a thankful nod and Clay and Lainie leave their side.

Matt sits down on a tree stump and looks at Justin waving his phone in the air as he tries to find a signal.

“ _Justin. Why are you trying to call her?”_

Justin sighs and sits beside him.

“ _I just want to make sure she’s okay.”_

“ _You think she’s not?”_

“ _I don’t know. That’s why I’m trying to call.”_

“ _You called her this morning before we left right?”_

Justin looks at him, kinda confused.

“ _She’s probably doing just as well as she did a few hours ago.”_ Matt reassures him.

“ _I know. I guess I’m just scared I might miss anything.”_

Matt nods and waits for him to continue.

“ _What if she goes into labor while we’re gone?”_

“ _Is this what you’re afraid you’ll miss? The birth of your daughter?”_

“ _That would make me kind of a shitty dad wouldn’t it?”_

“ _When Jessica told you to go on this vacation she knew it was a risk worth taking. Her due date isn’t until next week and… isn’t this the first vacation you’ve ever been to?”_

“ _It is, but… risking missing this is not worth it. I’ll never forgive myself if I do.”_

“ _Even if it happens, it’s not the worst thing in the world. Trust me, when it happens, Jessica can manage this all without you. As fathers, we don’t play such a role in this part.”_

“ _I know she can, but I don’t want to become a father like this. I don’t want the first thing I do to be gone and… just not there.”_

Matt reads between the lines and understands this is about the past more than it is about the future.

“ _Was your father here? The day you were born?”_ He asks Justin.

“ _I don’t even know.”_ He responds in a shrug. _“I know he was never there, so I imagine he wasn’t there for that either.”_

“ _Don’t you think maybe that’s why you’re so obsessed with being there when it happens?”_

“ _I know it is. I’m not stupid, I mean… I know why I’m scared of becoming a father and why I’m overreacting a little sometimes.”_

“ _A little? You refused to come with us unless a 6' 3" coach moved in with her while we were gone.”_ Matt jokes.

Justin chuckles.

“ _I just don’t wanna end up like him. I hope I can be more like my adoptive father.”_

“ _Based on your anxiety levels, you already are.”_ Matt playfully responds.

“ _You’re not always going to be here when she needs you and you’re going to make some mistakes along the way, but as long as you’re trying your best, you’ll be fine. The fact you’re worried about both of them already shows how much you care and love them. That’s the most important thing you have to do; love them. I don’t see why you couldn’t become a great father. You’re already a great brother, a great boyfriend and an amazing son.”_ He adds.

“ _Thank you, but that’s not really true. I’ve kinda been a buzzkill since we got here.”_

“ _Please. Do you know how much we had to go though with Clay on these camping trips in the past?”_

“ _I can only imagine.”_ Justin responds with a small laugh.

“ _Just try to relax and enjoy this trip. Zach is with Jessica and if anything happens, they’ll find a way to contact us okay?”_ Matt asks, patting his shoulder.

They get up, ready to continue the hike.

“ _You might rethink your statement about me being a good role model.”_ Matt tells him.

Justin offers him a puzzled look.

“ _Because I let Lainie and Clay go and they have the map.”_

“ _I’m sure we can catch up to them.”_ Justin says, a little amused by the situation.

“ _That’s positive thinking. I like that!”_ Matt tells him as he begins to walk, followed by his son.

* * *

“ _Does Zach know where you are?”_ Charlie asks Jessica as they are sitting on the beach.

“ _I don’t have to answer to Zach. Why aren’t you at practice by the way?”_

“ _Today’s basketball. I only play football.”_

“ _I got lucky.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _Why did you call me to hang out with you?”_

“ _You don’t want to hang out with me?”_

“ _It’s not that. It’s just… weird you chose me of all people.”_

“ _You’ve not been doing so well lately.”_

“ _Have you?”_ Charlie retorts.

“ _Then why not brood together?”_ Jessica responds.

“ _Do we suck for brooding like this when he’s… and we’re here, just hanging out at the beach?”_ Charlie asks.

“ _Did you go see him?”_

“ _Not yet. It turns out it’s even harder to see your ex when you broke up because he was send to jail.”_ Charlie tells her.

“ _He broke up with you?”_

“ _You didn’t know?”_

“ _He told me he was thinking about it, but he didn’t tell me when it happened.”_

“ _Technically it didn’t happen.”_ Charlie realizes.

“ _How is that…?”_ Jessica doesn’t understand.

“ _He broke up with me the night before the verdict, but we kinda decided to stay together in case this didn’t happen. When it did… it meant the break-up became real.”_

Jessica offers him a confused look.

“ _Does it make sense?”_ Charlie asks, realizing his explanation wasn’t the clearest of them all.

“ _Weirdly it does. It’s… unique, but… I wouldn’t expect less from you two.”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _You’re kind of the expert on unique relationships. How many times did you and Justin broke up?”_ Charlie teases her.

“ _Many, I’ll give you that."_ She responds in a chuckle.

_"Sometimes unique is good.”_ She adds, more seriously.

Jessica pauses for a second before she asks.

“ _Do you want to talk about it?”_

“ _Nah, I’ll rather just go for a swim.”_ Charlie responds as he gets up.

“ _You’re coming?”_ He offers her his hand.

“ _If I can get up.”_ She jokes as she takes it.

They spend the afternoon having fun at the beach, each of them trying to make the most of their freedom.


	213. No Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Radiohead – No Surprises

At the end of the day, Clay, Justin and their parents are seated around a fire.

“ _I can’t believe it’s already the last day of our trip.”_ Matt tells them.

“ _Did you boys have fun?”_ Lainie asks.

“ _I did.”_ Justin answers with a smile.

“ _Me too. These trips are actually way more fun with a brother. Maybe you should have considered adoption ten years ago.”_ Clay jokes.

“ _It would have been harder to hide Justin in your bedroom for days if you were sharing it with a sibling.”_ Lainie points out.

“ _I guess you should be thankful you had this huge bedroom for yourself then.”_ Matt comments.

“ _I am. I’m thankful for everything I ever had thanks to you, including a brother.”_ Clay responds, sharing a look with Justin.

“ _I’m thankful for everything I have now thanks to you two. This trip was a good idea.”_ Justin adds.

“ _What changed your mind?”_ Clay asks him.

Justin shrugs.

“ _I just decided to stop worrying about things I can’t control and to enjoy my time here with you.”_ He replies, looking at Matt.

“ _You haven’t called since we got back from the hike?”_ His father asks him.

“ _I just send one text and I’m not even going to look at my phone unless it rings.”_

“ _Then it might be a good time for dad’s famous campfire story.”_ Clay points out.

“ _It’s a little tradition we have. Every time we go camping, Matt tells us this incredible story.”_ Lainie explains.

“ _You might think it’s pretty boring after you hear it for the twentieth time, but he changes the ending every time.”_ Clay continues.

“ _What’s the story about?”_ Justin asks, curious to know more.

“ _The story takes places...”_ Matt begins, but Lainie cuts him off.

“ _Wait! We need smore’s!”_

“ _It’s a whole thing.”_ Clay tells Justin with a big smile.

“ _That’s amazing. I wish I had tradition_ _s_ _like these growing up.”_ Justin responds.

“ _Then pay attention and you might be able to tell it to your daughter in a few years.”_ Matt tells him.

“ _You can make your own traditions.”_ Clay adds, offering him a friendly nod.

* * *

“ _Anything for me?”_ Zach jokingly asks as Jessica’s going though the mail, seated at the kitchen table at the Jensens.

“ _Since you don’t actually live here, no. You know that you can go home right? I won’t tell Justin you left.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _I was asked to live here, so I’m staying here.”_ Zach responds.

“ _You’re still avoiding your mom?”_ She asks.

“ _I’m just honoring the promise I made my friend.”_ Zach tells her.

“ _I’m guessing you are?”_ He asks, grabbing one envelop from the pile.

Jessica takes it from him and puts it back on the pile.

“ _It’s the second one and I’ve only been here for a few days.”_ He points out.

“ _Are you okay?”_ He asks, seeing how uncomfortable she looks.

“ _I was having a nice day. I just…”_ She stops and grimaces before she continues _“… don’t wanna talk about my parents okay?”_

“ _Fine, but why don’t you explain why you’re making this face?”_ He says, pointing at her.

“ _What face?”_ She says in a shrug.

“ _What did you do today?”_ He asks.

“ _I went to the beach with Charlie.”_ She responds rapidly.

“ _What did you two do there?”_

She looks at him, weirded out by the question.

“ _We talked, ate ice-creams and...”_ She grimaces again _“… swam a little.”_

“ _I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy. You can’t say more than one sentence without grimacing. Are you in pain?”_

“ _I’m not. It’s just… a little uncomfortable.”_

“ _When did it start?”_

“ _A few hours ago.”_

“ _A few hours ago? Jess, those might be contractions!”_ He freaks out, getting up from his chair.

“ _I’m fine.”_

“ _That’s great, now we’re going to get your bag and I’m going to drive you to the hospital.”_ He says, trying to help her get up.

“ _Stop! I don’t need to go to the hospital.”_

Zach sighs and sits back down.

“ _Those are contractions right?”_

“ _I think so, but it doesn’t hurt that much.”_

Zach gives her a judging look.

“ _Okay, those are contractions, but they’re pretty far apart. I still have time.”_

“ _Which is perfect. That means we have time to drive you to the hospital… where you should have this baby. Unless you prefer the Jensen’s couch?”_ Zach tries.

“ _I’m not having this baby now. I’m not in labor.”_

“ _Great so why don’t you want to let me drive you there? You’ll get a quick check-up and we can come back here.”_

Jessica rolls her eyes at him before she feels the pain in her body coming back and can’t help it but bring her hand to her belly.

“ _Not that far apart uh?”_ Zach asks.

“ _I’m… not going to the hospital.”_ She says in a breath.

“ _Okay, all this stubborn shit is starting to get old. Why don’t you wanna go?”_

“ _We can just wait until my water breaks before we freak out okay?”_

“ _And then you’re going to find another excuse. Fuck this!”_ He says, getting up and trying to force her up as well.

“ _I won’t go anywhere! I’m not leaving okay?”_ She lets out, raising her voice.

“ _Why?”_ Zach yells, fed up with her.

“ _Justin’s coming back tomorrow. I just have to make it through until tomorrow.”_

“ _How? You’re going to cross your legs and hope for the best?”_

Jessica looks up at him.

“ _You told Justin to go and you knew this might happen. The plan is to get to the hospital, with or without him right?”_ Zach reminds her.

He can see the tears in her eyes and how scared she is so he sits back down, trying another approach.

“ _The plan is to go to the hospital as soon as contractions start.”_ He tells her.

“ _It’s a stupid plan. Days can pass between contractions….”_ She takes a deep breath before she continues.

“… _and birth.”_

“ _Not when they are so close to each other.”_

“ _I don’t want to do this without Justin.”_ She admits in a low voice.

“ _I know, but you don’t have a choice because this is happening and he’s not there.”_

“ _What if I can’t?”_ She asks in a sob.

Zach sighs. He can see she just needs to be reassured so he decides to call the only person that can do that now. He gets up and leaves the room to make his call. 


	214. Sing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Travis – Sing

Matt is in the middle of his story when Justin’s phone rings. He’s about to reject the call when he notices it’s Zach so he decides to answer.

“ _Hey. Everything okay?”_ He asks.

\- - - _“_ _Not really no. Jessica has been having contractions for a few hours and she refuses to go to the hospital.”_

“ _What?”_ He asks, standing up, which causes his brother and parents to look at him with concern.

\- - - _“_ _She says it can wait until tomorrow. I think she’s just really scared to do this without you.”_

“ _Put her on.”_

_\- - - “_ _Okay, wait a few seconds.”_

* * *

Jessica is trying to calm herself, breathing deeply and slowly when Zach comes back to the kitchen and hands her his phone. She can see from the caller ID that he called Justin.

“ _I know you won’t say no to him.”_ Zach tells her as she takes the phone.

“ _Hey Justin.”_ She says with a smile, hoping it will reassure him from whatever Zach told him.

_\- - - “You can’t wait anymore Jess, you have to go now.”_ Justin says in a calm voice.

“ _When are you coming back?”_

_\- - - “_ _Tomorrow, but you can’t wait for me okay?”_

“ _My water hasn’t even broke yet.”_

_\- - - “Maybe it’s not going to happen today, but if it does, you need to be at the hospital.”_

“ _What if I can’t do it?”_ She asks, breaking down.

_\- - - “You’re the only person that can do this. Even if I was with you… You’re the only one that can make sure she’s okay right now. All you have to do is to let Zach drive you to the hospital.”_

Jessica doesn’t respond, pain keeping her from doing so, so Justin continues to reassure her.

_\- - - “She needs you to take care of her and I need you do it too okay?”_

“ _Okay.”_ Jessica manages to answer in a breath.

_\- - - “I’ll come back to Evergreen as soon as I can. Until then, you listen to Zach. He knows what to do and I know he’ll make sure you two are safe.”_

“ _I’m so sorry.”_ Jessica lets out in a sob.

_\- - - “It’s okay to be scared Jess, but right now you need to fight this for her okay?”_

“ _Okay… okay. I love you.”_ She says, before giving Zach his phone back in a hurry, feeling a stronger contraction coming.

_\- - - “I love you too.”_ Justin responds.

“ _Me too man.”_ Zach tries to joke.

“ _But… don’t worry. I’ll call you as soon as she sees a doctor okay?”_

_\- - - “Text me, call me, whatever, but keep me posted.”_

“ _Of course. Bye.”_ Zach hangs up.

* * *

When Justin hangs up, he doesn’t even have to say anything for his parents to understand. He’s surprised by Clay, the only one not looking at him. He’s pacing around, his nose on his phone.

“ _If we leave right now, you’ll be in Evergreen tomorrow, no matter which road we take…. Maybe there’s...”_

“ _Clay, it’s okay.”_ Justin responds calmly.

“ _Why aren’t you freaking out?”_ Clay asks him.

“ _Why isn’t he freaking out?”_ He asks his parents, freaking out himself.

“ _Jess is way stronger than she thinks. She’s a little scared, but she’s going to do fine all by herself. She’s… she’s not even by herself. Everything is going to go well.”_ Justin responds. He’s terrified, but he decides to stay calm nonetheless.

“ _I’m really happy you’re not freaking out as badly as your brother, but I still think we should do our best to get you to Evergreen as soon as possible.”_ Lainie offers.

“ _I won’t get there until tomorrow anyway.”_ Justin responds in a shrug. He spend the day accepting the idea he might miss it and even though he’s not fine with it, he accepts it.

“ _When I saw how worried you were of leaving town, I decided to do some research.”_ Lainie informs him.

Justin looks at her, waiting for what she has to say.

“ _There’s an airport nearby. Matt can drop you off and you’ll get there faster.”_ She explains.

“ _I don’t have a passport. I… I never had one.”_ Justin reveals.

Lainie nods and grabs her bag.

“ _When we adopted you, there was a lot of paperwork to do. When I saw you didn’t have one, I decided to make you one. There.”_ She explains, as she hands him his passport.

“ _You made me a passport?”_ He asks, surprised.

“ _Here I was, thinking it was a waste of time.”_ Matt says with a smile, happy his wife is always ready for anything.

Justin looks at it, not knowing what to say or do anymore.

“ _So, kiddo, you should grab your bag.”_ Matt encourages him.

“ _Will you come with me?”_ Justin asks Clay.

“ _Really?”_ Clay didn’t expect that.

“ _You’re her godfather.”_ Justin says in a shrug. He also feels like Clay could be a reassuring presence during the flight.

“ _There’s only one ticket left Justin. Either you go alone or you’ll have to come with us in the car.”_ Lainie explains, already buying his ticket online to save time.

“ _Go! We’ll join you. And that way I can keep in touch with Zach while you’re on the plane.”_ Clay tells him.

Justin nods before he runs to the tent to gather his things.

* * *

“ _Your due date is not until next week right?_ ” Zach asks as he drives Jessica to the hospital.

“ _Are you trying to scare me even more?”_

“ _No… I… it’s perfectly normal, it happens right?”_

Jessica shoots him a perplex look.

“ _I just want to distract you from the pain, but I don’t know what to talk about!”_ He defends himself.

“ _Maybe not about something that can worry me.”_ She says in a chuckle.

“ _Are you going to tell your parents?”_

Jessica sighs. She didn’t even have time to figure that out. She’s not ready to forgive them yet, but if anything happens to her, she knows she has to let them know, just in case.

“ _Shit.”_ She lets out.

“ _What… what’s wrong?”_ Zach freaks out.

“ _I left my phone in the outhouse.”_

“ _I’m not sure you’ll need your phone.”_ He doesn't understand.

“ _I could have called my parents.”_ She points out.

“ _Right. Well, you can take mine.”_ He offers.

She’s about to take it when they arrive at the hospital.

“ _I’ll call later.”_ She says as Zach parks the car.

* * *

“ _You have everything?”_ Matt asks Justin before they part ways at the airport.

“ _I think so.”_ Justin responds, a little shaken up.

“ _Sleep as much as you can on your flight, god knows when you’ll be able to do that again.”_ His dad tries to light up the mood.

Justin looks at him with a smile.

“ _Thank you... for everything today. I’m a little disappointed I didn’t hear the end of your story.”_

“ _Don’t be. You’re on your way to begin the most beautiful story there is; becoming a father.”_

Justin offers him a thankful nod.

“ _We’ll let them know about the flight and everything.”_ Matt adds.

“ _Everything’s gonna be okay right?”_ Justin asks. For one second, he needs his dad.

“ _Everything is going to be okay.”_ Matt responds, bringing him into a reassuring hug.

“ _Now go, your future is waiting.”_ He takes a step back and pats his son on the shoulder.

Justin takes a deep breathe and leaves his side. 


	215. Lightning Crashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Live – Lightning Crashes

A few hours later, Justin arrives at the hospital. The time he spend alone on the plane without any new information made his anxiety level rise. When he sees Zach in the waiting room, his anxiety is though the roof.

“ _Did I miss it?”_ He asks Zach.

Zach, barely awake, rubs his eyes.

“ _Hey.”_ He greets Justin, readjusting his position on the chair.

“ _Did I miss it?”_ Justin asks again.

“ _No, no. Your girl is taking her sweet time.”_

“ _Then what are you doing here?”_ Justin is sure something is wrong.

“ _Your other girl is in pain and really mean so I left her, hoping she would fall asleep eventually.”_

“ _So… everything is fine?”_ Justin is reassured.

“ _I’m not! She’s.. really mean. You want an advice? Don’t go in there.”_ Zach jokes, which causes Justin to chuckle.

“ _But yeah… they’re both fine. We just have to wait now.”_

“ _You can go home. You’ll be more comfortable in your bed.”_ Justin offers.

“ _I didn’t go through this for nothing. I’m going to be the first to meet her.”_

Zach is surprised Justin sits down next to him.

“ _I didn’t mean to scare you, you should definitely join her.”_

Justin chuckles.

“ _I know, but you’re right, you do deserve something for everything you did. Not just tonight, but since you found out Jess was pregnant, and everything you did before that and every-time you’ve helped me in the past.”_

“ _Jess already told me the name.”_ Zach admits, feeling this is what Justin was about to reveal.

“ _I know.”_ Justin says with a smile.

Zach shakes his head, wondering what is going on.

“ _There’s something else she wanted to tell you and I guess this happened quicker than we thought so...”_

“ _What’s going on?”_ Zach asks, a little concerned.

“ _We both think you would be a great godfather.”_ Justin reveals.

“ _Maybe the next one.”_ Zach responds, patting Justin’s shoulder.

“ _No. We… We want you to be her godfather.”_ Justin reiterates.

“ _What? So… Clay’s out and I’m in?”_ Zach asks, not understanding it.

“ _No, you’ll both be her godfathers.”_ Justin explains.

“ _Is that a thing?”_

“ _It’s unusual, but possible and we really want you both to do it.”_

Zach didn’t expect that at all and he clears his throat, not wanting to cry in front of the few strangers there is in the waiting room.

“ _I’ll… I’ll be honored.”_ He says as he offers him a sympathetic smile.

They share a moment, before Zach shakes his head.

“ _Go! She’s going to change her mind if she knows you’re seating here chatting with me and not with her.”_ Zach jokes.

Justin smiles and gets up, ready to leave.

“ _Let me show you where she is.”_ Zach says as he gets up too.

“ _And… thank you. It really means a lot to me.”_ He adds.

“ _Thank you for being there, always.”_ Justin returns before they exchange a hug.

* * *

Jessica is not asleep. She’s in too much pain to fall asleep and way too terrified to do so. She feels bad for yelling at Zach when he only tried to help. When the door opens, she’s ready to apologize.

“ _I’m so sorry.”_ She lets out as she turns her head to look at the person who just entered.

“ _For?”_ Justin asks, a charming smile on his face.

Jessica breaks down in tears.

“ _Hey. Don’t cry Jess.”_ He tells her as he approaches her.

“ _These are happy tears.”_ She says with a smile.

Justin sits down next to her on the bed.

“ _I’m not sure I could have done this without you.”_ She lets out.

“ _You could have.”_ Justin responds, placing gently a lock of hair behind her ear.

“ _But you don’t have to.”_ He adds with a smile.

He places his hand on her belly.

“ _How are you feeling?”_

“ _Like I’m about to explode.”_ She says in a chuckle.

“ _Sounds about right.”_ He jokes.

“ _I’m really tired.”_ She says in a low voice.

“ _You should try to sleep. You’ll need all the strength you have.”_

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _I can’t. I tried. Why don’t you tell me about your trip?”_

“ _Why don’t I...”_ Justin begins as he lays besides her. _“… tell you a story?”_

“ _A story?”_ She asks in a scoff.

“ _Maybe you’ll fall asleep.”_ Justin suggest in a shrug.

“ _Trust me, only a superhero can sleep through contractions.”_ She tells him, looking at him.

“ _But maybe you’ll distract me from the pain.”_ She says with a smile, taking his hand.

Justin nods and begins his story, well, Matt’s story. He never heard the ending so he’s hoping she’ll go into labor before he arrives at this point, or at least fall asleep.

* * *

After a few minutes, Justin stops talking to look at her with concern.

“ _Should I call a nurse?”_ He asks, seeing she doesn’t feel good.

Jessica shakes her head.

“ _Just keep distracting me from the pain.”_ She tells him with a reassuring smile.

He feels her tightening her grip on his hand.

“ _I’m calling a nurse.”_ He says in a determined tone, refusing to let her suffer.

Before he has the chance to, a doctor enters the room.

“ _I see dad finally arrived.”_ She points out with a warm smile.

Justin returns her smile, getting up from the bed while keeping Jessica’s hand around his.

“ _Let’s see if there has been any progress.”_ She adds, taking a seat at the end of her bed to begin the examination.

“ _The godfather must be relieved to be off duty.”_ She tries to jokes.

“ _Don’t...”_ Jessica grimaces _“… don’t tell him that. He doesn’t know yet.”_

“ _Actually I told him.”_ Justin lets out.

“ _What?”_ Jessica asks, but before Justin responds, a huge contractions keeps him from talking, his hand being crushed by Jessica’s hold.

Her doctor gets up a places her hands on her knees to try to bring her some sort of comfort.

“ _How much worse can this get?”_ Justin asks, not liking any of this so far.

“ _Jessica, you need to take a decision now when it comes to the epidural.”_ Her doctor tells her, ignoring Justin’s question.

“ _Now?”_ Jessica asks, still fighting through the pain.

“ _I’m guessing your daughter was waiting for her dad to show up. It’s now or never.”_

Jessica looks at Justin, hoping he could decide for her.

“ _You don’t need to suffer more than you should.”_ He tells her, hoping he won’t have to see her suffer more than she could.

“ _I don’t want it.”_ Jessica decides.

“ _Okay. I’m going to get ready and I’ll by back in a few minutes.”_ The doctor announces.

Jessica and Justin nods, not fully realizing what it means yet as the doctor leaves the room.

“ _I’m sorry about your hand. Maybe you shouldn’t be holding on to me while this is happening”._ Jessica apologizes.

“ _Of course I’m going to. Are you sure about the epidural though?”_ He asks, caressing her forehead.

“ _I am. I don’t want to take any risk if it’s not needed.”_

“ _Risks are pretty low.”_

“ _I don’t want to keep worrying about things going the worst way possible.”_

“ _Okay.”_ Justin understands she needs to feel completely in control for this.

“ _Then take my hand and squeeze as hard as you have to.”_ He adds, offering his hand to her.

Jessica nods and takes it.

“ _Ready to meet your daughter?”_ The doctor asks, returning to the room with a few more people.

“ _We are.”_ Justin responds, gently caressing his thumb over Jessica’s knuckles.

Only a few second pass until her next contraction and Jessica is asked to push. It happens once, twice, three times, but it doesn’t stop. It keeps coming back and she has to push through he pain again and again. After what feels like the thirtieth time she’s asked to push, Jessica lies back on the bed, too tired to do it again.

“ _It’s not working. I can’t do this.”_ She lets out.

“ _It is working Jessica. You just have to keep pushing.”_ Her doctor reassures her, looking at Justin, hoping he could help.

Justin takes her arm, places his hand on her back and forces her to sit back up.

“ _You can do this. You are a superhero. I’m impressed everyday by your strength.”_

“ _You’re way tougher than me.”_

Justin shakes his head and decides to give it his all for them. He sits on the bed behind her to offer as much support as he can.

“ _We do this together okay?”_ He tells her, placing his hands on her arms.

Jessica doesn’t responds, another contraction coming. She grabs both of Justin’s hand in hers and she pushes again, and again and again.

“ _One last push and she’s here.”_ Her doctor announces.

Justin’s reassuring arms around her gives Jessica all the strength she needs to push this one last time. Once it happens, she immediately lies back in Justin’s arm as the cries of their daughter fills the room.

“ _We did it.”_ Jessica lets out, exhausted, as tears fall down her cheek.

The doctor places their little girl in Jessica’s arms. Justin can’t help and lets out a small laugh at the scene. A huge smile comes to Jessica’s face. She turns her head to look at Justin and the tears filling his eyes. They look into each other eyes for a second and Justin places a sweet kiss on her lips before they look back to their daughter. Justin brushes his fingers against her skin, afraid to touch her.

“ _This is your dad. He’s the most amazing person you’ll ever meet. No matter what happens, he’s always going to have your back.”_ Jessica tells her daughter.

“ _And your mother is the strongest person there is. She’ll always take care of us.”_

Justin rest his head on top of Jessica’s shoulder, his gaze fixated on his daughter’s face.He never felt happier in his life. He drops a kiss on Jessica’s shoulder. He owes her the most incredible thing he’ll ever have, the thing he already loves more than anything in the world; his little girl.


	216. The One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Kodaline – The One

After the birth, the doctors have to take their daughter away to examine her and Justin is offered the chance to come with. Of course he takes it. He’s not going to leave her side. He comes back to Jessica’s room about 15 minutes later, a nurse behind him, pushing the bassinet, their daughter asleep inside.

“ _We can take care of her if you want to. You two must be exhausted.”_ The nurse offers.

“ _It’s okay. We’ll do fine.”_ Jessica answers. As exhausted as she is, she doesn’t want to leave her side more than Justin does.

“ _Don’t be ashamed if you change your mind. Just press the button and we’ll come okay?”_ The nurse asks.

“ _Thank you.”_ Justin responds with a nod and the nurse leaves.

“ _She’s gorgeous.”_ Jessica says, gently caressing her cheek.

“ _She took after her mom.”_ Justin responds, sitting on Jessica’s bed, his hand reaching for his daughter as well.

“ _You know you’re the superhero right?”_ Jessica asks him.

Justin gives her a puzzled look.

“ _You literally flew to Evergreen so you wouldn’t miss this.”_

Justin offers her a small smile. If it wasn’t for his family, he wouldn’t have made it.

“ _I just did what I had to to be exactly where I was meant to be.”_

“ _Is Zach still here?”_ Jessica asks, suddenly remembering the world outside this room.

Justin chuckles.

“ _I think so. He’s really determined to be the first to meet her.”_

“ _We chose well didn’t we?”_

“ _I think we did.”_

“ _Have you called Clay?”_

“ _You know I’ve been with you for the past few hours right?”_ He asks with a laugh.

“ _I don’t even know what day it is at this point.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _August 8_ _th.” _Justin tells her. He’ll never forget this date.

He takes out his phone to call his family.

* * *

Clay and his parents stopped on their way back to Evergreen to get some gas. Matt is filling the reservoir as Lainie enters the shop to buy snacks and drinks. Clay is asleep in the car when his phone goes off. Lainie is on her way back to the car when Clay opens the door.

“ _S_ _he’s here!”_ He announces.

“ _What do you mean?”_ Lainie asks.

“ _The baby’s here.”_ Clay explains.

“ _She’s here?”_ Lainie responds.

“ _That’s exactly what I said, like...word for word.”_ Clay replies, rolling his eyes.

“ _How are they doing?”_ Lainie asks.

Clay nods, still trying to focus on Justin’s words.

“ _They’re fine. Everything went great.”_ Clay informs them.

Matt gestures for Clay to give him his phone.

“ _Dad wants to says a few words.”_ Clay tells Justin before he hands him his phone.

“ _Congratulations son!”_ Matt says with his usual warmness.

Lainie snatches the phone from him.

“ _We can’t wait to meet her. We should be in Evergreen in about two hours.”_

* * *

Justin hangs up, a smile on his face and he feels guilty when he sees the sadness in Jessica’s eyes. She probably wants to share the news with her family too, but he knows she’s too stubborn to do it so he won’t suggest it.

“ _You should try to get some sleep.”_ Justin says as he gets up.

“ _Where are you going?”_

“ _I’m going to tell Zach, but I’ll be back in just a few minutes okay?”_ He reassures her before he drops a kiss on her forehead and leaves the room.

* * *

He almost feels guilty to have to wake-up Zach who is sound asleep in the waiting room. He taps on his shoulder to wake him up.

“ _Zach.”_ He tries.

“ _Zach.”_ He says louder, shaking his body a little.

“ _Wha...what time is it?”_ Zach asks, having to adjust to reality in a second.

“ _It’s about 5:15.”_ Justin informs him.

A smile comes to Zach’s face when he sees Justin’s.

“ _Am I officially a godfather?”_ He asks.

“ _You are.”_ Justin responds, nodding.

“ _Yes!”_ Zach cheers, rising up to his feet in a second which causes Justin to chuckle.

“ _And they’re both doing great.”_ Justin adds with a smile.

“ _Shit, you’re a father now.”_ Zach realizes.

“ _I am.”_ Justin says with a proud smile.

“ _Can I see her?”_ Zach asks.

“ _It’s probably best if we let them sleep a little.”_

“ _I’m sure you could use some sleep too.”_ Zach points out.

“ _I’ve never felt more energized.”_ Justin admits.

“ _Then I would suggest a party, but it’s not really the vibe here apparently.”_ Zach says, looking at a man who looks at them, annoyed by the commotion.

“ _I think I should get back to the room anyway. You can go home and sleep for a few hours before coming back.”_ Justin offers.

“ _And risk Clay getting here and meeting her before I do? No chance!”_

“ _Oh my god. This is going to turn into a competition isn’t it?”_ Justin asks in a chuckle.

“ _Definitely yeah_.” Zach responds with a smile.

“ _So I’ll be waiting right here, possibly asleep, but here.”_ He adds, sitting back down.

“ _Okay.”_ Justin responds before leaving his side.

* * *

When he returns to the room, both girls are asleep. Jessica’s hand resting protectively on their daughter’s tiny body. He shakes his head, unbelievably happy and his heart full with love for them. He sits on the chair next to the bed, wondering what he could do for them, what he could do to make their life better, anyway he could. He takes out his phone and decides to capture the moment, feeling like he needs to remember this perfect moment for the rest of his life. After he takes a couple pictures, he finds an idea. He looks at the both of them for a minute before he exits the room again. He paces around in the hallway for a few minutes, trying to find the right words for this, before he makes his call. They don’t pick up immediately, but it doesn’t go to voicemail, which is a good sign. After a few seconds, Jessica’s mom picks up.

\- - -

“ _Hi. It’s Justin. I just wanted to let you know that your granddaughter is born.”_

_\- - -_

“ _She’s fine. They both are. They’re asleep right now.”_

_\- - -_

“ _18 inches and just over 7 lbs.”_

_\- - -_

“ _She’s a little small, but she’s healthy.”_

_\- - -_

“ _I don’t think it’s a good idea. You should come, but maybe not at the hospital.”_

_\- - -_

“ _She doesn’t even know I’m calling you right now. Just give her a few days and you can try again.”_

_\- - -_

“ _Of course.”_

_\- - -_

“ _You too. Bye.”_

Justin hangs up and returns to Jessica’s room.

* * *

“ _How did_ _he_ _react?”_ A half-asleep Jessica asks when he arrives by the bed.

“ _He’s_ _really happy for us._ _They all are._ _”_ He responds in a low voice.

“ _Come here.”_ Jessica offers, making a place for him on her bed.

Justin takes off his shoes and lies besides her.

“ _Go back to sleep. I’ll look after both of you.”_ Justin tells her, placing a kiss to the back of her head.

Jessica takes his hand and wraps his arm around her.

“ _I know you will.”_ She answers, dropping a kiss on his hand before she closes her eyes again, a smile on her lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> l0nelykai I hope you're not too mad at me  
> I'm starting to get worried because her name is not such an important thing and I may have rose your expectations a little much, so be warned. I don't want you to be disappointed when it's revealed.


	217. Flowers In the Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Travis – Flowers In the Window

Clay and his parents arrive at the hospital a little later, luckily for them, visiting hours just started. They are told the room number by the nurse and immediately make their way there. When they open the door, they notice the silence inside and decide to keep quiet as they slowly enter the room. Justin and Jessica are both asleep in each others arms and their daughter is sleeping too, right next to them in her bassinet. Matt gestures to Clay and Lainie to stay silent as they approach the bassinet, eager to meet this new addition to their family.

“ _Look how adorable she is.”_ Lainie whispers, leaned over her body.

“ _Holy shit.”_ Clay lets out, realizing this is really Justin and Jessica’s baby, that all of this is now more real than ever.

His mom gently slaps his hand, punishing him for cursing.

“ _You know who her parents are right?”_ He jokes, reminding his mother cursing is a huge part of their vocabulary.

They look up at the bed when they hear some movement.

“ _Good morning.”_ Matt tells them as they open their eyes.

“ _Hey.”_ Justin responds, rubbing his eyes before he gets up.

“ _How late is it?”_ Jessica asks, still a little confused since last night and everything that happened.

“ _7:30_ ” Lainie responds with a smile.

Before anyone says anything else, the baby begins to cry. Jessica pulls the bassinet towards her.

“ _I’ll help you.”_ Lainie offers, placing her hands around her first grand-child’s little body and giving her to Jessica.

“ _She’s probably hungry.”_ Jessica tells them.

“ _I’ll call the nurse.”_ Justin says, pressing the button.

“ _We don’t need the nurse.”_ Jessica reassures him.

Justin’s response is a shrug. He doesn’t know what to do so he called for help.

The nurse arrives quickly and they leave the room. Justin follows them outside.

* * *

“ _Good choice.”_ Clay tells him.

Justin looks at him, not understanding what he means.

“ _Her name. Even in the worst place, something beautiful can grow, right?”_ Clay explains.

“ _You noticed?”_ Justin asks with a smile.

“ _It was written on the sign in her bassinet.”_ Clay explains with a smile.

“ _We didn’t even ask! What did you choose?”_ Lainie asks.

“ _Rose!”_ Zach almost yells, arriving by their side in a hurry.

“ _They…_ _they named her Rose.”_ He continues, a little out of breath.

His parents look at Justin, who nods to confirm it.

“ _It’s beautiful.”_ Matt says.

“ _Wait. So you knew?”_ Clay asks Zach.

“ _I’ve known for weeks.”_ Zach responds, proud to beat Clay for this.

“ _Game on.”_ He adds.

Clay shakes his head, not understating.

“ _Zach is her godfather too. We chose the both of you.”_ Justin explains.

“ _Well, I’m happy she’s going to have so many people to take care of her.”_ Lainie comments.

“ _I’m glad you think that, because I think it’s going to get a little crowed in here.”_ Zach informs them.

“ _I… I kinda texted the whole group. I’m sorry, but I was just so excited.”_ Clay explains.

“ _It’s okay, but I think we need a little quiet time first. They can come later.”_ Justin responds.

The door of the room opens and the nurse exits.

Justin looks at his family and doesn’t want to send them away, but he really wants to spend some time alone with Jess and his daughter now.

“ _We should go home and change. We just really wanted to make sure the three of you were doing okay.”_ Lainie tells him, remembering how overwhelming all of this is at first.

“ _I don’t need to change.”_ Clay says, not wanting to leave and not understanding either.

“ _We came here totally unprepared. We don’t even have gifts.”_ Matt explains.

“ _We don’t need gifts.”_ Justin responds.

“ _She needs gifts. They’ve all been bought already anyway.”_ Matt tells him, knowing Justin hates being offered more than he asks for, more than he needs.

“ _We’ll text you before we barge in here okay?”_ Lainie offers.

Justin nods and looks at Zach, not wanting to tell him he has to wait more.

“ _Let me see if it’s good with her and if you can come in.”_ He offers him.

“ _I’m not that busy. I’m fine with waiting. Just text me when it’s cool with you guys.”_ Zach responds.

Justin returns to the room.

“ _Shit. I don’t have a gift.”_ Zach lets out.

“ _Clay, you said in the car you didn’t have one either. Now might be a good time to get one.”_ His father tells him.

“ _Game on.”_ Zach challenges Clay.

They stare at each other for a second before they both run to get to the gift shop before the other does.

Matt and Lainie laugh as they see them go.

“ _It’s nice too see they can still act like kids sometimes, even after everything.”_ Matt comments.

* * *

“ _She was just hungry.”_ Jessica informs Justin in a sweet voice when he returns to the room as she’s breast-feeding.

“ _How did you know what it was?”_ Justin asks, feeling dumb for not figuring that out.

“ _I don’t know, I just did.”_ Jessica answers with a little shrug.

“ _Does it hurt?”_ Justin asks, sitting down next to her.

“ _Not really no.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _I’m glad you called the nurse. It’s a little difficult at first to figure how to do this.”_ She adds.

“ _It seems like you both figured it out.”_ Justin replies with a smile, his gaze on his daughter.

“ _The nurse was surprised. It usually takes more time for babies to understand it.”_

“ _I’m not. She’s just so perfect. Of course she’s already that smart. She could become the next president.”_

“ _As long as she’s happy.”_ Jessica comments, looking at her and amazed at how adorable she is.

“ _I know she will be.”_ Justin replies.

Jessica looks up at him, wondering how he can be so sure.

“ _I won’t let it be any other way.”_ He explains.

Jessica shakes her head, surprised by how much her love for him keeps growing after all this time.

“ _I love you.”_ She lets out.

“ _I love you too Jess.”_ He responds, placing a kiss on her temple.

“ _You too Rose.”_ He adds, his fingers brushing her tiny hand. 


	218. Season of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Season of Love – Shiny Toy Guns

The next few hours, doctors, nurses and midwifes stop by to do some exams and explain to the new parents how to take care of their baby. When they’re finally alone again, Justin has to let her know.

“ _Zach’s still waiting.”_

“ _Shit. I didn’t think he was. Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”_

“ _When?”_ Justin asks, a little irritated.

Matt didn’t lie when he said fathers didn’t play such a big role at first. He feels useless and inadequate; it seems like Jessica knows everything and can handle anything on her own. He’s happy she is, but it doesn’t help his self-esteem and he can’t help it but wonder if he’s capable of doing this without screwing it up.

“ _You can go get him. He...”_ Jessica begins.

Justin sighs, sitting down.

“ _I’ll just text him.”_ He says, already typing.

“ _Are you okay?”_ She asks.

“ _Fine.”_ He answers, offering her a small smile.

“ _If you're not, you’ll tell me right?”_

Justin nods, but that doesn’t reassure her.

“ _Can I ask you something?”_ She decides to be direct.

“ _Shoot.”_

“ _You haven’t hold her yet have you?”_

Justin is surprised she noticed it.

“ _I don’t want Zach or anyone else to hold her before you do. It wouldn’t feel… right.”_ She adds.

“ _It’s not that big of a deal. She’s only been here for a few hours.”_

“ _I’m too tired for this bullshit right now. Why don’t you explain this to me then?”_ She knows how to push him to open up.

“ _It’s just… I’d rather wait until I’m confident enough to do it than doing it the wrong way and...”_

“ _Justin.”_ Jess cuts him off.

Justin looks at her, understanding he’s overreacting again.

“ _She survived a lot, including an explosion. I think she’ll do just fine with you holding her, even if it’s not the perfect way to do it. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s really looking forward to it.”_

Justin scoffs.

“ _I know I am. You know how happy this would make me? When you were in the hospital, I thought it would never happen. I dreamed of this moment. If you don’t do this for you, then do it for the both of us.”_

“ _This argument isn’t fair.”_ He says with a small laugh.

“ _I’ll try not to use it too often.”_ She responds with a warm smile.

Justin gets up and approaches the bassinet.

“ _She’s asleep.”_ He points out.

“ _I don’t want to wake her up.”_

Jessica rolls her eyes as she gets up.

“ _I don’t have that problem since she kept me awake all night.”_

She gently picks her up.

“ _Sit down. It will be easier that way.”_ She tells him, and he listens, going back to the chair.

“ _You’ve seen how I hold her. You just have to do the same.”_ She explains.

“ _I gotta support her head right?”_ Justin asks, to what Jessica nods.

“ _Ready?”_ She asks.

“ _Okay.”_ Justin responds, still lacking a little bit of confidence.

“ _I know you can do this. If I trust you with the most valuable thing I have, it’s because I do.”_

Jessica reassures him, placing Rose in his arms.

“ _She’s lighter than I thought.”_ Justin lets out.

“ _Wow_.” He adds, before he looks up at Jess for a second, teary-eyed.

“ _Thank you.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _For?”_ He asks, his gaze back on his daughter.

“ _Making my dream come true.”_ Jessica explains.

Justin offers her a smile, that turns into a chuckle.

“ _Oh my god.”_ He lets out, seeing Zach entering the room.

Jessica turns around. He has a giant plush tiger in his arms.

“ _I’m sorry. The gift shop at this hospital sucks. I had to go shopping last minute.”_ He explains, putting it down on a chair.

“ _Where are we going to put that?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Right next to Tiger the panda!”_ Zach cheerfully responds.

Jessica and Justin share a confused look.

“ _It became a whole thing. You’ll understand once we’ll explain it to you.”_ Zach explains.

“ _Whose we?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Me and Clay.”_

“ _You bought it together?”_ Jessica asks, touched by it.

“ _No. He… he also bought one.”_ Zach lets out.

“ _So we’re going to have to store two of these giants things?”_ Jessica comments.

“ _Three.”_ Justin points out.

“ _I won’t ruin the surprise.”_ Zach tells them, making his way around the bed to meet Rose.

“ _Hey there. How are you doing beautiful?”_ He says, leaning over her.

“ _Are you flirting with her?”_ Jessica asks with a laugh.

“ _Shut up. You’re not in labor anymore. I won’t feel bad for telling you off now.”_ Zach retorts, looking at her.

“ _Can I hold her?”_ He asks Justin.

“ _What do you think Rose? Should I give you to your godfather?”_ Justin ponders.

Justin shakes his head and looks up at Zach.

“ _I think she really wants to stay with me.”_ He teases him.

* * *

“ _Bunny the tiger?”_ Charlie asks, not understanding.

“ _Why isn’t it Panda?”_ Tony agrees.

“ _Because Panda is the bunny!”_ Zach explains which causes everyone in the room to laugh, looking at the giant plush bunny Clay bought and at Zach’s huge tiger.

“ _It’s Tiger the panda, Bunny the tiger and Panda the bunny.”_ Clay explains.

“ _It’s going to be really easy to teach her animal names like that.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _It really seemed like a good idea at the store.”_ Clay responds, understanding it was maybe not the smartest move.

“ _It’s fine.”_ Justin tells him, looking back at Rose asleep in his arms.

“ _I think we’ll figure it out.”_ He adds with a smile, having more hope for the future than he ever did before.


	219. Today I'll Have You Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Florist – Today I'll Have You Around

The next day, they leave the hospital. Justin parks the car in front of the Jensen’s house.

_“Are they here?”_ Jessica asks, noticing her parent’s car.

_“They are.”_ Justin responds.

_“You knew?”_

Justin doesn’t respond, but that is enough of a response in itself.

_“Don’t you think you should have told me about this earlier?”_

_“And give you a reason not to come home?”_

_“Justin.”_

_“Just… hear me out okay?”_

Jessica looks at him and accepts with a nod.

_“I know they hurt you and I understand if you’re not ready to forgive them.”_

_“But?”_

_“But they’re your parents. They really love you and yes, they made mistakes, but… don’t you think we’ll make mistakes too? How would you feel if one day Rose wouldn’t want anything to do with you anymore?”_

_“They said things I can’t forgive.”_

_“I’m not asking you to forgive them. I’m just asking you to let them be a part of your life.”_

_“Do you want them to be a part of your life? Or Rose’s? After the way they treated you?”_

_“I do because I really understand it now. Everything they said about me, it was out of love and worry for you.”_

_“That doesn’t make it right.”_

_“So tell them. Explain what you need from them, but don’t run away or you might regret it someday.”_

Jessica feels bad. She knows Justin has some deep regrets about his mother and he’ll never have a chance to change it.

_“I guess it’s about time I hear them out.”_ Jessica agrees.

Justin offers her a smile, proud she changed her mind.

_“You called them didn’t you?”_ Jessica figures out.

_“I won’t apologize for trying to make your life better.”_

Rose begins to cry.

_“And I’ll take care of her while you speak with them.”_ He offers.

Jessica leans over to drop a kiss on his lips.

_“Thanks.”_ She says with a smile, knowing he’s telling the truth, already having showed it over and over again.

* * *

_“Hey.”_ Jessica greets her parents a little awkwardly when she joins them in the living-room while everyone else is in the outhouse to give them privacy.

_“Hi Jessica.”_ Her mothers offers warmly.

_“I’m glad you’re both okay.”_ Her father tells her.

_“We should probably talk uh?”_ Jessica points out, sitting on a chair, facing both of them in the couch.

_“We’re sorry.”_ Greg lets out.

_“I know.”_ Jessica responds.

_“What else do you want from us then?”_ Noelle asks, not understanding.

_“I know you don’t trust me and I’m not going to ask you to do it because I know I’ve gone too far with all the lies and everything. What I need is respect. Not just for myself and my choices, but for my family as well, and that includes Justin.”_

Her parents nod.

_“I know you don’t like him, but...”_

_“It’s not about that.”_ Noelle cuts her off.

_“Then why would you say those things about him?”_ Jessica asks.

_“Because we were terrified. Terrified of losing you, terrified for your future...”_ Greg explains.

_“We also felt guilty. We weren’t there when clearly you needed us. I guess we felt like Justin was becoming the person you were leaning on, instead of us. And it was clear you would always took his side and we were worried this would lead you even further away from us, which it did.”_ Noelle admits.

_“Yes, once you threatened to cut me off. How did you think it was going to bring me closer to you?”_

_“We didn’t think, but… we didn’t cut you off after the trial.”_ Greg explains.

_“I know. Thank you for that.”_

_“How do we make up for this?”_ Noelle asks.

_“You don’t. Just like I’ll never make up for everything I did, but… maybe we should just move on.”_

_“I’d like that.”_ Greg tells her with a small smile.

_“But it won’t work unless you understand and accept it first.”_ Jessica tells them.

_“Understand what?”_ Noelle doesn’t understand.

_“That I love Justin and I’ll never give up on him. Yes, it’s not fair to you, but it’s the simple truth; I’ll always choose his side so don’t expect anything as long as you don’t offer him the respect he deserves.”_

_“He’s lucky to have you.”_ Noelle responds.

_“No.”_ Jessica lets out in a scoff as she shakes her head.

_“I’m lucky to have him. You only see him through his worst mistakes and I get that, because he did hurt me a lot, but since then, he spends everyday giving everything to make sure I’m happy.”_

Her parents nod, realizing they focused on the past for way too long.

_“It’s not the first time we discuss this and I really hope it’s the last. I’m giving you a second chance just like I’m asking you to give him one.”_ Jessica explains.

_“Okay. I give you my word.”_ Greg nods, agreeing.

Jessica looks at her mother, full of hope.

_“I would give anything to stay a part of your life Jess.”_ She responds.

_“Great.”_ Jessica says.

_“Because I really missed you a lot.”_ She lets out, getting up from the chair to join them on the couch.

She’s barely seated that her parents wrap their arms around her.

After a minute, Jessica lets go of them and wipes her tears.

_“You’re both grandparents now.”_ She tells them with a small chuckle.

_“And your little brothers are uncles.”_ Noelle points out.

_“Oh my god.”_ Jessica lets out with a laugh, soon followed by her parent laughing as well.


	220. Otherside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Otherside – Perfume Genius

The first thing he does when he opens his eyes is to look at the calendar hanging on the wall next to him. His parents thought it wasn’t a good idea and they were probably right. He’s counting the days and sadly there are a lot more to come than have passed since he’s been here. Too much to count. Even this calendar isn’t enough to do it. He sits on his bed, ready to start the day, as ready as you can be when you’re living inside a prison, if you can call it living because it’s not really. It’s waiting, waiting to go back to your life. He’s not complaining, his sentence could have been worse. He never thought he would think this someday, but he’s kinda glad he shot himself in the head, at least it played a role and got him a reduced sentence. It’s really wrong to think that way, but you hold on to what you can in cases like this. Prison isn’t as bad as he thought. He got lucky to be send to a minimum security one.

* * *

_“You’re sure you’re okay with this?”_ Jessica asks Justin.

_“I am.”_

_“Lainie and Matt are both at work. I won’t have my phone with me so if anything goes wrong, just drive her to the hospital, don’t even think about it twice, even if Clay tries to convince you it’s not necessary.”_

_“Will you relax?”_ Justin asks, a little amused by the situation.

_“Have you ever watched her alone?”_

_“I’m not alone. Clay’s inside.”_ Justin playfully responds.

Jessica crosses her arms, not amused by it.

_“Have you ever let me take care of her on my own before today?”_ Justin points out.

_“She can be a lot to handle.”_ Jessica comments.

_“Just like her mother, and yet, I’m doing it great.”_ Justin teases her.

Jessica rolls her eyes.

_“You realize this is a you problem and not a me problem right?”_ Justin asks her.

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_ Jessica plays dumb.

_“You’ve been talking about doing this for a week.”_ He points out.

_“And I get it’s not easy to leave her, but you know you have to at some point.”_ He adds.

_“She’s just too cute.”_ Jessica responds, looking at Rose in her crib.

_“It’s not fair.”_ She adds with a pout, looking up at Justin.

Justin chuckles and walks up to stand behind Jessica, placing his arms around her.

_“Why do you think I still haven’t gone back to work?”_ He asks.

_“Oh, so it’s not only a me problem after all.”_ Jessica says in a chuckle.

_“She’ll be fine.”_ Justin tells her seriously.

Jessica turns around to look at him, then takes a step away from him.

_“It won’t help if you start looking at me like that so I should just go.”_ She says, grabbing her bag.

_“Jess.”_ He stops her before she exits the outhouse.

_“Tell him...”_ He begins, but doesn’t find the words.

Jessica nods, letting him know she understands before she leaves.

* * *

After a shower, Alex goes to the canteen and sits down alone, like everyday since he’s been here. There’s not many prisoners as young as he is and some of them still look at him, wondering why he’s here, what he did. After a few days he understood it was just something he’ll have to go through. A smile comes to his face when he remembers Liberty. Things are not that different here from what they were there. One thing is very different, he’s alone to go though it. No friends, no family, no boyfriend. They all came to see him since he’s been here though and every time it makes him so happy, then extremely sad as soon as they leave and he begins to wonder if they’ll ever stop showing up for him. Not everyone came to see him; Jessica didn’t. He doesn’t blame her, he knows she has a lot going on, being pregnant and everything. Is she even pregnant anymore? She must be about to give birth, or she already did. He doesn’t know. That sucks; not knowing what’s going on outside. She never came to see him, but she called him. Well, he called her, a few times.

“ _Standall_.” A guard calls him.

Alex looks up at him, worried. He’s always worried in here, always wondering when things could go wrong.

_“Someone’s waiting for you in the visitation room.”_

Alex gets up, followed by the guard and gets rid of his tray before he follows the guard outside the room.He wonders who it could be. Not his parents. They always plan their visits with him beforehand when he calls them. Every time, he wants to tell them there’s no need, it’s not like he’s busy in here, but he doesn’t want to worry them, so he plays along.


	221. Light Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Wakey!Wakey! - Light Outside

_“Long time no see.”_ Alex tells Jessica when he sits at the table she’s waiting him at.

She looks at the ground, feeling guilty for waiting this long before coming.

_“It was a joke.”_ Alex reassures her.

_“You can say it. I know I suck as a best friend.”_ She admits.

_“Clearly you had a lot going on.”_ Alex comments, pointing at her non-pregnant anymore body.

_“When did it happen?”_ He asks.

_“Last week, August 8 th.” _She says with a smile.

_“How… how is she?”_ Alex asks, a little surprised.

_“She’s doing great. Do you want to see her?”_

_“You didn’t bring her here, did you?”_ Alex asks jokingly.

_“I didn’t really want her first outing to be a visit to prison, but I brought you a picture.”_ Jessica explains, sliding a photograph on the table towards him.

_“Maybe you and Justin do make a great couple if you can do something like this together.”_

His comment makes Jessica laugh. Maybe she was wrong not coming here sooner. She thought things would be awkward, but it’s not. Their friendship survived it all, there’s no reason to think it won’t survive this.

_“What’s her name?”_ Alex asks, looking up from the picture. As his eyes land on Jessica, he can see the tears in her eyes.

_“Are you okay?”_

_“I am. I just… really missed my best friend.”_ She says with a smile.

Alex gets uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to discuss feelings or stuff like that. He just wants to spend time laughing with her.

_“If I guess her name correctly, would you bring me a drink from Monet’s next time you come here?”_ He asks instead of getting too serious.

_“You don’t have to guess it. Just place your order and next time you’ll get whatever you wish for.”_

_“You already know my favorite.”_ He points out.

_“That was a one time thing. I doubt I can just order a marshmallow cappuccino every time from now on.”_

_“Then surprise me. I’m sure there’s new items on the menu I won’t get a chance to try.”_

_“Okay then.”_ She responds in a chuckle.

Alex is glad things between them are that easy, that simple.

_“I’m still pretty curious to hear her name.”_ He reminds her.

_“Sorry, you distracted me. It’s Rose.”_

_“I didn’t know you were such a big fan of Titanic.”_ He jokes.

_“It’s not because of that, it’s… a very long story.”_

_“Charlie’s a huge fan of Titanic. How is he doing?”_

Jessica’s smile falls.

_“It’s okay. I’m actually hoping he’s happy so… don’t spare my feelings.”_

_“He took it pretty hard, but little by little, life has to go on I guess.”_

_“Does he have a new boyfriend?”_

_“That’s not what I meant. I was just saying… he’s starting to get better. I think we all are.”_

_“Good. It’s all you can do once you’ve been as low as you can get right?”_

_“Right.”_ Jessica responds with a smile.

_“So, Rose Foley uh?”_ Alex says, looking back at the picture.

_“Rose Alexandra Foley.”_ Jessica reveals.

_“You’re serious?”_

_“Yeah. We want you to be a part of her life and since she already has two godfathers, we figured adding a third one was a bit much.”_ She jokes.

_“Justin agreed to name his daughter after me?”_

_“Of course he did.”_

_“It’s really sweet, but what did I do to deserve that?”_

_“You don’t have to do anything to deserve that. It’s called love you know? It doesn’t come with conditions. But… you did save her father’s life so if you need a reason you can start there. Then you can add everything you ever did for me.”_ She explains, taking his hand.

_“I can’t wait to meet her.”_ He admits, touched by the gesture.

_“How are you doing?”_ Jessica asks, having waited as long as she could to ask.

_“Not bad.”_ He reassures her.

_“Really?”_

He nods.

_“I think I’m starting to slowly get better too.”_ He tells her.

_“Clay told me they have therapists here?”_

_“They do.”_

_“I hope you’re seeing one.”_

_“You’re scared I might go crazy in here?”_ He jokingly asks.

_“I’m scared you might not reach out, even if you are.”_

_“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”_ He reassures her.

_“If you’re not, just make a call, place your order and I’ll be there.”_

_“Same goes for you. I can’t really leave this place for a while, so if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.”_


	222. In this town where I was born

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song : Half Light II (No Celebration) - Arcade Fire

The end of the summer is almost here. The gang prepares to leave town. Most of them are.

* * *

It starts with Clay and Tony. They’ll stay together in Nevada for a few days before Clay goes to Brown.

Everyone is gathered in the outhouse to say goodbye to them.

_“Ready?”_ Tony asks, a little impatient.

_“Not really.”_ Clay responds, looking at Rose in his arms.

_“Can we take her with us?”_ He asks Justin jokingly.

_“I’m sure a road trip with a baby is not a good idea.”_ Justin responds.

_“He didn’t say no.”_ Tony points out.

_“We’ll face-time you a lot.”_ Jessica reassures him, taking her daughter back from Clay and putting her in her crib.

_“Aren’t you excited to leave Evergreen, even a little?”_ Zach asks.

_“Actually… I am.”_ Clay says as he gets up from the bed.

_“I’m pretty excited.”_ He adds.

_“Then let’s go.”_ Tony says, clapping his hands to motivate him.

_“Wow. You’re really not sad at all to leave us.”_ Jessica tells Tony.

_“I won’t miss the drama.”_ Tony responds.

_“But I… I’m going to miss you all.”_ He adds.

_“So there’s a heart beneath this leather jacket after all.”_ Zach jokes.

_“I don’t want to get all sappy. I have to be the strong one or we’ll never leave.”_ Tony responds, pointing at Clay.

_“Hey!”_ Clay is offended.

_“Tell me I’m wrong.”_ Tony retorts.

_“Fine.”_ Clay agrees, putting his bag on his shoulder.

He looks at his friends, not knowing how to do this; say goodbye.

_“We’ll come with you to the car.”_ Jessica offers.

_“I guess you’re staying.”_ Clay tells Justin. They won’t leave Rose alone.

_“Nope. Right behind you.”_ Justin responds, grabbing the baby monitor.

Clay nods, thankful and they all exit the outhouse.

_“You’re going?”_ Lainie asks, coming down the stairs with Matt when she sees Clay and all his friends around Tony’s car.

_“What’s all this?”_ Clay asks her when he sees the bag she’s holding.

_“Snacks. For the road.”_ She answers.

_“Thank you Mrs.Jensen.”_ Tony says, taking the bag from her and putting it in the car.

Caleb closes the trunk, all their bag now inside.

Tony says goodbye to his friends and Caleb as Clay says goodbye to his parents. Once he does, he looks at his friends, knowing he can’t delay it any longer.

_“Let me know if the pick-up line works in the east coast.”_ Zach jokes when Clay arrives in front of him.

_“I’ll let you know.”_ Clay responds in a chuckle, before he fist-bump Zach goodbye.

_“Tyler.”_ Clay says, looking at him with a shrug, not knowing what else to say.

_“Bye Clay.”_ Tyler responds, bringing him into a hug. There’s not much to say. They both know how much they mean to each other.

Clay then arrives in front of Jessica and Justin.

_“Don’t try to save everyone in Providence. Just look after yourself for a while.”_ Jessica tells him.

_“I know you’ll look after everyone here.”_ Clay responds.

_“I’m going to miss having you to look after me.”_ She says in a sad chuckle.

_“If there is one thing I learned in the past few years is that Jessica Davis doesn't need anyone to look after her.”_ Clay answers.

Jessica nods and brings him into an embrace.

_“I’m still going to miss you Clay.”_

When Clay lets go of Jessica, he looks at Justin.There is so much he wants to say, but Justin speaks before he finds the words.

_“I’m going to miss you too Jensen.”_ Justin tells him.

_“You’re a Jensen too now.”_ Clay responds.

_“Thanks to you.”_ Justin replies before he takes his brother in his arms.

_“I love you man.”_ He whispers in his ear.

_“I love you too Justin.”_ Clay responds as he lets go of him.

Clay hugs his parents one last time before he enters the car. Tony turns the engine on and they drive off, waving their family goodbye.

* * *

Tyler is the third one to leave. He doesn’t want a big goodbye like Clay and Tony had, so he decides to stop by the outhouse before he does.

_“Hey!”_ He says as he enters.

_“Hey!”_ Jessica responds from the bathroom.

_“I’m not disturbing you am I?”_ He feels bad for stopping by unannounced.

_“Never.”_ She reassures him.

_“I just have my hands full right now.”_ She explains.

He approaches the bathroom and sees she’s changing Rose’s diaper.

_“I can come back later.”_ He offers.

_“Don’t be silly. You’ll have my complete attention in… two minutes. Is something wrong?”_ She asks, her back turned to him.

_“I just wanted to say goodbye.”_ He says in a shrug.

_“When are you leaving?”_

_“After I say goodbye.”_ He lets out.

Jessica turns around, Rose in her arms.

_“Today?”_ She asks in a sad tone.

_“I’m very OCD so I need all the time I have to get used to my dorm before the semester starts.”_

Jessica places Rose in her crib.

_“Justin is still at work.”_ She tells him.

_“That’s okay. I wanted to say goodbye to you especially and… to give you something.”_ He says, handing her a gift.

_“Why?”_ She asks, grabbing it.

_“To thank you for inspiring and helping me.”_

_“You did the same for me.”_ She tells him in a shrug.

She looks down at the gift in her hands and takes a deep breathe before she opens it.

_“It’s… perfect.”_ She comments, moved by the gesture.

_“It’s for you and… and Justin. Both of you.”_ He explains awkwardly.

_“Thank you. I know he’ll love it too.”_ She tells him with a smile before she looks back at the framed photograph she just received.

_“You remember what you said at graduation?”_ She asks him.

He shakes his head, he doesn’t.

_“You said you wanted to take pictures that matter to somebody. I think you already achieved your goal. Just not with this one, but with all of them. It’s the second one of yours I own and they both mean a lot to me.”_ Jessica explains.

_“Maybe you should start dreaming bigger.”_ She adds in a chuckle, knowing Tyler isn’t comfortable talking about feelings like that.

_“Maybe I will.”_ He responds with a smile.

_“Don’t forget us though when you become a famous artist.”_ She says, approaching him.

She hesitates a few seconds, but Tyler is the one making the move to hug her.

_“Never.”_ He says, before he lets go of her.

* * *

This is it, Justin is the last one to leave Evergreen. He waited as long as he could, but school starts in a few days and he needs to know the campus, even a little, before it does. Today Matt is driving him to LA. He’s finishing packing his last bag in the outhouse. He closes the zipper.

_“You forgot one thing.”_ Jessica tells him as she approaches him, handing him a frame.

Justin looks at her and he recognizes it.

_“You should keep it. This way you’ll still have my smile to look at.”_ He jokes.

_“I’m definitely keeping this one.”_ She responds in a chuckle as she points at the shelf over the bed where the picture Tyler took of him at Monet’s is still placed.

_“It’s a new one.”_ She explains.

Justin takes it and a smile comes to his face when he turns the frame around and discovers the picture . Tyler took it a few days after they left the hospital with Rose. Jessica and Justin are seated in front of the outhouse in the patio furniture and Justin is holding Rose in his arms. Both him and Jessica seem so happy in it. His gazed is focused on his daughter and Jessica is looking at the both of them with loving eyes.

_“I keep the picture of you and you take the picture of us.”_ Jessica tells him.

_“Did you know he was taking a picture?”_ He asks curiously.

_“I was focused on something else as you can see.”_ She jokes, pointing at him in the picture.

_“It’s hard to focus on anything else than her.”_ Justin agrees.

_“I wasn’t looking at her. I was looking at you. Well, both of you, but mostly you. You’re kinda hard to ignore too.”_ Jess explains.

_“Especially with this smile on.”_ She adds before she brings her lips to his.

Justin kisses her back. He doesn’t want to leave knowing he won't be able to do that for a few days, at least, so he keeps kissing her until they're intereupted by the door opening.

_“You said you only had one bag left. What’s taking you so long?”_ Zach asks, entering the outhouse.

When he sees how embarrassed his friends are, he understands he interrupted something.

_“Ew! Your daughter is in the room.”_ He scolds them.

_“They don’t deserve you do they?”_ He says to Rose as he picks her up from her crib.

_“Your parents are waiting outside too by the way.”_ He adds.

_“I guess it’s time.”_ Justin says in a sigh.

Jessica offers him a reassuring nod and the four of them exit the outhouse.

* * *

When Matt drives off, Justin turns around to look at his family waiving him goodbye. He looks at Jessica and Zach, the two people he took this whole journey with, surprised they’re still by his side after everything. Then he looks at Lainie holding his daughter, two person he never thought he’d have in his life at all.

_“Not too scared?”_ Matt asks him, taking him out of his thoughts.

Justin turns around in his seat. He looks up at him. The father he never thought he’ll get.

_“Not at all."_ He responds with a smile.

_"I'm ready for whatever comes next."_ He adds, sure of himself. 

* * *

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to all of you!  
> It's hard for me to say goodbye to this story and those characters, but I feel like it's time.  
> I wanna especially thank those of you who came back day after day, chapter after chapter. You are amazing and I really appreciate your support and know that every comment makes me really happy. I'm sorry if I don't always take the time to answer them.  
> I know I said this was the end, but I love these characters too much to say goodbyte like this so... I have 2 surprises for you in 2021!


	223. Still here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years later

> **2029**

A teenager enters her counselor’s office at school.

“ _Why did you ask me here?”_ She asks.

“ _I heard some students in the hallway.”_ He informs her.

“ _What is it to you?”_ She gets defensive.

“ _I want to understand what’s going on.”_ He responds, inviting her to sit down.

“ _So you can punish me?”_

“ _So I can help you.”_ He offers with a smile.

She sighs and decides to sit down.

“ _I don’t think you can.”_ She tells him.

“ _How are you feeling?”_

“ _I don’t know.”_ She answers in a shrug, not convinced he actually cares.

“ _Why don’t you start by telling me how you feel right now?”_ He pushes her a little to open up.

She takes a deep breath, debating if she should be honest.

“ _Lost I guess and… tired, empty… like… I actually don’t feel anything or care about anything anymore.”_

“ _Have you talked to someone about this? About how you feel?”_

“ _I’m talking to you.”_ She retorts.

“ _What about your parents?”_

“ _I don’t… We don’t talk much.”_ She admits.

“ _And your friends?”_

“ _What friends?”_

“ _Okay, then talk to me. Did anything happen?”_

“ _You heard the rumors.”_ She points out.

“ _I don’t believe rumors, but I’ll believe you, whatever you want to tell me.”_

“ _Why should I tell you? It’s not going to change anything.”_

“ _I don’t think that’s true.”_

“ _You can’t erase something that already happened.”_

“ _You can’t, but it can get better if you talk about it. If you explain it to me now.”_

“ _What makes you think you can help?”_

“ _Because I know what it feels like, feeling like you’re feeling right now. You have to know it’s possible to go through the worst and survive, to live and get better, because I did.”_

* * *

Jessica and Justin enter the coffee-shop they’ve been to countless times before in Evergreen.

“ _It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without the two of you showing up late.”_ Clay jokes when they join the table.

“ _Try being on time with two kids.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _Where are they?”_ Caleb asks.

“ _We dropped them off at my parents’.”_ Justin responds, sitting down next to his brother.

“ _Hey.”_ Alex arrives, bringing Jess into a hug

“ _Hey.”_ Jess responds as she lets go of him.

They sit down at the table with their friends.

“ _You changed the place a lot.”_ Justin tells Alex, looking around.

“ _The table’s gone?”_ Jessica points out, a little sadden by it.

“ _It’s not here anymore, but it’s not gone. I brought it home. You didn’t think I would throw it away right?”_ He reassures her.

“ _Did you post it?”_ Clay asks Jessica.

“ _Yeah, just before we left.”_ She explains, taking out a tablet from her purse.

She turns it on to show Clay the last article she published.

“ _The one about your last trial?”_ Tony asks.

Clay nods, reading it from the device.

“ _You did a good job.”_ He tells Jessica.

“ _I just wrote about the case. You’re the one who won it.”_ She points out.

“ _My client won. I just did my job as a lawyer.”_ Clay responds.

“ _Is it Tyler’s?”_ Alex asks, pointing at the picture in Jessica’s article.

“ _We got lucky he was there for the trial.”_ Jessica nods.

“ _Where is he now?”_ Tony asks.

“ _Still in… Europe I think.”_ Clay responds.

“ _He should be here tomorrow.”_ Jessica adds.

“ _He doesn’t feel alone traveling the world alone like that?”_ Caleb asks.

“ _It’s what he chose. I think he’s really happy like that. He gets to do what he loves."_ Alex responds.

Jessica looks at her best-friend, happy to see the smile on his face.

> **2020**

“ _Caramel Brulée Latte”_ Jessica informs Alex, sliding a cup across the table.

He takes it and takes a sip.

“ _It’s pretty cold.”_ He points out, not surprised by it.

“ _I’m sorry.”_ Jessica says in a shrug. She can’t do much about it. Evergreen isn’t exactly close to Alex’s jail.

“ _So, how are things going?”_ She asks.

“ _The same. Pretty much everyday is the same in here. I don’t have much to tell you.”_ He responds in a shrug.

“ _I guess a lot more is going on outside.”_ He adds, pointing at her mask.

“ _Yeah, things are pretty bad.”_

“ _Maybe you shouldn’t have come here.”_

“ _How is it in here? You don’t have masks or… I don’t know… anything?”_

“ _They put hand-sanitizer everywhere, but that’s pretty much it. There’s not enough room to keep us all apart and they said we’ll get masks at some point, but… we don’t have them now.”_

“ _You could have told me. I could have brought you some.”_

“ _You don’t think my parents offered already?”_ He jokes.

“ _I… Not everyone here has someone from the outside bringing them stuff like this and… I don’t want to become a target because of it.”_ He explains.

“ _I thought things weren’t that bad in here.”_

“ _They’re usually not, but everyone is kinda on the edge since it started so I just have to be a little more cautious.”_ He reassures her.

“ _You’re still doing okay? Nothing happened?”_ She needs to make sure.

“ _Nothing. What about you? You were supposed to start college right?”_

“ _I was and I did, but it’s all online now which feels like… I haven’t really started.”_

“ _At least it’s easier with Rose right?”_

“ _It is. We have more help than we could ask for with Matt and Lainie both working for home and... Justin’s with me.”_

Alex can tell there’s something off with the way she said it.

“ _And? I thought you would be happy. Last year you complained how difficult it was to be apart while he was in Los Angeles.”_

“ _I’m glad he’s with me, but this virus it’s… scary and we fought a lot about it.”_ She admits.

“ _Why?”_

“ _I know I’m overreacting, but… he has HIV and I can’t help but fear something could happen to him.”_

“ _Isn’t he treated? Is he really at risk?”_

“ _He’s not. I mean, not more than any of us, but… it brings back bad memories.”_

“ _I thought you becoming a mother would mean you would stop worrying about him that much and worry about your child, but apparently...”_

“ _I can do both.”_ She finishes is sentence with a chuckle.

> **2029**

In the counselor’s office.

“ _So someone helped you t_ _o_ _o?”_ The teenager asks.

“ _Many people did.”_

“ _I don’t have anyone.”_

“ _I think you’re not as alone as you think.”_

“ _You’re wrong.”_

“ _I’m sure there are people who have your back, who would do anything for you if you let them.”_

“ _Like you?”_

“ _If you want me to, yes, I’ll do everything I can to help you.”_

“ _What’s the point? You help me and then what?”_

* * *

Justin sees Zach through the window, arriving with a girl.

“ _Who’s that?”_ He asks.

“ _I’m surprised it took him this long.”_ Clay comments.

“ _He focused on work.”_ Jessica points out.

“ _At everyone’s surprise. I didn't think he would actually spend 7 years working this hard to become a physical therapist.”_ Tony says.

“ _He’s a great one too.”_ Caleb points out.

“ _Don’t be a bitch with her.”_ Alex tells Jessica.

Jessica opens her mouth, shocked.

“ _You did scare me to death when I met you.”_ A beautiful brunette seating next to Clay agrees to Alex’s comment.

> **2021**

“ _They’ll be here in 15 minutes!”_ Jessica announces her friends, excited to see Alex out of jail.

“ _Are you still sure this is a good idea?”_ Justin asks her. He remembers the party she threw for him when he came back from rehab. It was a little overwhelming and he was only gone for a month.

“ _Where’s Clay? It’s not like him to be late.”_ Jessica changes the subject.

“ _He has a girlfriend now. Love changes you.”_ Zach jokes.

Jessica rolls her eyes. She hopes this won’t change him.

“ _I don’t see why he’s bringing her here. She doesn’t know Alex.”_ She comments.

“ _It’s pretty difficult to find a time where all of us are available to meet her.”_ Justin responds.

The door opens and Clay and his new girlfriend enter the room.

“ _You’re late.”_ Jessica tells him, a little irritated.

“ _Everyone… meet Heidi.”_ Clay ignores her.

After Alex arrives with his parents, the party really begins and people chatter and drink, everyone in the gang happy to be reunited.

Jessica is pouring herself a drink when Alex arrives at her side.

“ _What do you think of her?”_ She asks, her eyes fixated on Heidi.

“ _She seems nice.”_ Alex answers in a shrug.

“ _Come with me. Let’s see if she’s really that amazing.”_ Jessica takes his hand and leads him to her.

“ _Hi. Heidi right?”_ She greets Clay’s girlfriend.

Heidi nods and offers her a polite smile.

“ _Yes and you’re… Jessica right? And Alex.”_

“ _We are. We’re both really close to Clay.”_ Jessica responds.

“ _He’s the godfather of your daughter. She’s really cute.”_

“ _Yeah, she is. How did you meet Clay exactly?”_

Alex looks at Jessica, surprised she’s being that cold towards Heidi.

“ _We met at a party.”_ Heidi responds.

“ _Clay doesn’t really do parties.”_ Jessica retorts.

“ _He went to this one.”_ Heidi says in a shrug.

“ _How long have you two been dating?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _About two months.”_

“ _So it’s pretty serious right? He wouldn’t have brought you here if it wasn’t. As you can see, it’s all friends and family here.”_

“ _He was really excited for me to meet all of you.”_

“ _We were pretty excited to meet you too. I was wondering who made him so happy lately.”_

“ _He’s making me really happy too.”_ Heidi comments, looking at Clay across the room with a smile on her face.

“ _Let’s hope you don’t screw this up.”_ Jessica comments.

“ _Jess.”_ Alex tries to stop her.

“ _No, I mean… Clay’s been through a lot. He doesn’t deserve any more pain. I really hope you’re not going to hurt him.”_

“ _I’m not planning to.”_ Heidi answers.

“ _You better not.”_ Jessica retorts.

Heidi looks at her and Alex, not knowing how to responds to this. Alex mouths a “ _Sorry_ ” and Heidi walks away to join her boyfriend.

“ _That was really rude.”_ Alex tells Jess.

“ _I know.”_ She says, taking a sip of her drink.

“ _So why did you act like that?”_ Alex doesn’t understand.

“ _If she can’t handle rude me, how is she going to handle Clay?”_

“ _Clay’s not rude.”_ Alex points out.

“ _With you he’s not. Right now he’s not, but he can be pretty hard to live with. If she’s not ready to go through this, she doesn’t deserve him.”_

“ _This doesn’t make any sense.”_ Alex lets out in a chuckle.

Jessica looks at her cup.

“ _It did make more sense in my mind.”_ She admits.

“ _No more refills for you.”_ Alex jokes, taking her cup.

> **2029**

“ _You would be surprised by what the future can offer you.”_ The counselor tells the girl sitting in the chair across his desk.

“ _I don’t think I have one. I’m not even sure I want one.”_

“ _You have so much life to live, so much to experience, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.”_

“ _No, it doesn’t.”_ She admits.

* * *

“ _Where’s your boyfriend?”_ Zach asks Alex as he sits down with his new girlfriend.

“ _Still in LA. His plane lands later.”_ Alex responds.

“ _He works in LA now?”_ Jessica asks.

“ _Well, he works remotely from Evergreen most of the time, but he needs to go to the publishing company in LA from time to time.”_ He explains.

> **2024**

“ _I never thought I would be invited to Clay Jensen’s bachelor party.”_ Zach comments as him and his friends are on their way to a party in a limo.

“ _I didn’t think you would be invited too.”_ Clay responds jokingly.

“ _I meant… I didn’t think you would get married.”_ Zach replies.

“ _The first wedding in the group.”_ Tyler comments.

“ _I definitely didn’t think I would be the first.”_ Clay admits.

They laugh and cheer to that with their glass of champagne.

“ _By the way, we’re still waiting for your answer Zach. No plus-one?”_ Clay asks.

“ _I definitely want a plus-one.”_ Zach responds.

“ _You’ve got a date?”_ Justin asks.

“ _Not exactly. I have a date, but it’s not for me.”_ Zach responds, looking at Alex.

“ _No, no, no. I told you, I don’t want to do this blind-date thing.”_ Alex tells him.

“ _Come on, it will be fun. I promise you’ll like him.”_ Zach pushes him.

“ _So you want a plus one to invite a stranger to my wedding?”_ Clay points out.

“ _Don’t you want Alex to be happy?”_ Zach asks, dramatically.

The boys laugh.

“ _Fine. I accept your plus-one.”_ Clay responds.

“ _Don’t I have a say in this?”_ Alex asks.

“ _Not anymore.”_ Clay responds, typing on his phone.

“ _Heidi added a plus-one.”_ He continues, showing him the text he send his fiancee.

* * *

Zach and Alex enter the wedding reception.

“ _So he didn’t show up or he showed up, saw me and left?”_ Alex asks Zach.

“ _He didn’t show up because his flight got delayed, but he’s here now and….”_ He looks at his phone.

“ _He’s waiting for you at the bar.”_ He adds, patting Alex’s shoulder.

“ _Zach!”_ A little girl arrives by them.

“ _Dance with me!”_ She says, grabbing his hand to lead him to the dance-floor.

“ _I can’t say no to my god-daughter. Good luck!”_ Zach tells Alex, already leaving his side with Rose.

“ _I hate you!”_ Alex tells him before he decides to meet this mysterious man at the bar.

* * *

“ _Hey. I think you’re waiting for me.”_ Alex says a little awkwardly, arriving behind the man.

“ _I was definitely waiting for you.”_ The man responds, turning on his chair to face Alex.

Alex’s cheeks turn a little red. He didn’t expect to see this particular man.

“ _I told you not to wait.”_ Alex reminds him with a smile.

“ _I didn’t. I just happened to run into Zach and he mentioned you were still single. Since I’m single too and we’re both living in the same city, it would be pretty dumb not to do anything about it.”_ Charlie explains.

“ _So, what are we going to do about it?”_ Alex asks.

“ _First we could have a drink and then… I would be pretty happy to dance with you again.”_ He responds with a smile.

“ _Pretty good plan.”_ Alex returns his smile, seating next to him.

* * *

Justin and Jessica are dancing a slow on the dance-floor.

“ _He seems really happy.”_ Jessica comments, looking at Clay dancing with his now wife.

“ _He is. How couldn’t he be?”_ Justin responds, looking at his brother.

“ _He knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life with the person he loves.”_ He adds, his eyes landing back on Jessica.

“ _Are you happy?”_ She asks him.

“ _I could be happier.”_ He responds in a little shrug.

Her smiles falls, wondering what’s wrong with him.

“ _I wish I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with the person I love.”_ He explains.

“ _Instead of settling for the girl you only kinda like?”_ Jessica teases him, which makes him chuckle.

“ _It’s shocking you don’t know that already. You know I won’t ever let you go right? You are definitely stuck with me for life.”_ She adds.

“ _I do know, but I want the whole world to know too, that this, us, it’s forever.”_ He explains.

“ _How would you do that?”_ She asks with a warm smile.

“ _I could marry you.”_ He lets out.

Jessica stops dancing.

“ _Are you serious?”_ She asks.

“ _I am.”_ He says with a chuckle.

He takes out a small box out of his pocket and drops on one knee.

He opens it to reveal a beautiful ring.

Jessica brings her hands to her face, shocked this is really happening.

“ _Jessica Davis… will you marry me?”_ He asks, his voice trembling with emotion.

“ _I...”_ She’s too surprised and emotional to respond.He literally took her breath away.

“ _If you say no now, it’s going to be a little awkward.”_ Justin jokes, everyone in the room looking at them.

Jessica giggles as tears of joy fall on her cheeks.

“ _I don’t need a wedding to know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.”_ Jessica tells him.

“ _Are you saying no?”_ Justin asks, a little afraid this is not what she wants.

“ _Nothing would make me happier than to become your wife Sid.”_ She tells him.

Justin gently places the ring on her finger and gets up. As soon as he’s standing on his two feet, Jessica wraps her hands around his neck and brings her lips to his.

“ _Why did she call him Sid?”_ Rose asks Clay and Zach.

Clay shakes his head and begins to stutter, looking at Zach for help.

“ _We’ll tell you about it in a few years.”_ Zach tells her.

> **2029**

“ _It’s not easy, but it does get better. I believe it and I believe in you. I believe you’re strong and capable of doing a lot more than you think.”_ The counselor tells the teenager.

“ _I’m not strong. I’m… useless and helpless and you’re wasting your time trying to help me."_

* * *

“ _Still no_ _wedding_ _?”_ Zach asks Justin.

“ _Not yet. We’re taking our time.”_ He responds.

“ _It’s been five years.”_ Heidi comments.

“ _We wanted to finish college and find jobs before that and then...”_ Jessica begins, but Zach cuts her off.

“ _Baby Jesstin number two.”_

Jessica shoots him a sharp look.

“ _Dylan.”_ She corrects him.

“ _It’s kinda sad. There’s usually a big news to celebrate every Thanksgiving.”_ Alex points out.

“ _Cecilia is big news.”_ Zach says, placing his arm around his new girlfriend’s shoulder.

“ _Actually...”_ Tony begins, taking Caleb’s hand.

“ _Don’t tell me you’re getting married before us.”_ Jessica jokes.

“ _We aren’t.”_ Caleb reassures her with a smile.

They all look at Tony, waiting for the big news.

“ _The paperwork is finally done and we heard from the agency yesterday. We’re officially going to adopt.”_ Tony explains.

Everyone cheers, happy they can finally become parents. They fought long and hard to get to this point.

“ _Good luck. I can’t wait to see you two struggle.”_ Justin jokes.

“ _Don’t say that, Clay’s gonna run.”_ Heidi tells him, placing her hand on her huge belly.

“ _Never.”_ Clay reassures her, placing his hand on her belly as well.

“ _If he’s half as good as his brother, you’ll be fine.”_ Jessica tells her.

> **2028**

“ _Don’t forget your PJ.”_ Jessica tells Rose as she’s packing a suitcase.

Rose grabs one from her closet and hands it to Jessica who places it inside the suitcase.

“ _I can’t wait to be in Evergreen!”_ Rose tells her, really excited.

“ _Really?”_ Justin asks, standing against the door-frame of her bedroom.

“ _I always get sooooo many gifts!”_ She responds, excited to spend Christmas at her grandparent’s.

“ _Is it the only thing you’re excited about?”_ Justin asks her.

“ _I always get at least three gift from grandpa and grandma. Clay usually gives me two. Zach only gives me one, but it’s a big one.”_ She explains.

“ _Maybe we don’t need to go to Evergreen this year. We could spend Christmas here.”_ Justin suggests.

Jessica looks at him, surprised by his proposition.

“ _What about my gifts?”_ Rose complains.

“ _They can mail them.”_ Justin explains in a shrug.

“ _But… I want to see all of them.”_ Rose disagrees.

“ _Christmas isn’t about the gifts. It’s about spending time with our family.”_ Justin agrees.

“ _We can do both.”_ Rose says.

“ _I left my drawings in the living-room!”_ She realizes, running to get them. She always gives drawings to everyone for Christmas.

Her parents laugh as they see her go, full of life. 

“ _You scared me. I thought I was going to have to cook Christmas's dinner.”_ Jessica tells Justin.

“ _It was worth the risk.”_ He responds.

“ _I’m not sure missing Matt’s cooking would be worth it.”_ She says in a chuckle as she gets up.

“ _She needs to know what’s most important.”_ Justin tells her.

“ _What’s most important to you?”_ She asks, walking up to him.

“ _Family. Love.”_ He says taking her hand.

> **2029**

“ _You’re suffering and hurting. You need someone to reach out, to give you a hand, to help… and I wanna do it.”_

“ _You’re probably going to end up giving up on me like everyone else.”_ The teenager responds.

“ _I won’t. Let me help you. Like so many people did for me.”_

* * *

Justin is taken out of his thoughts by Clay waving his hand in front of him.

“ _Hey, are you here?”_ Clay asks him.

> _Like Clay did._

“ _I am.”_ Justin responds with a smile.

“ _I’m still here.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the final chapter of my story. Hope you're happy with this ending. If there is something you want to read, I may write one-shots related to this story at some point.   
> Next week, I'll publish the first chapter of my new story. I won't publish one chapter a day for this one since it's a pretty short one so you can expect about one chapter per week. It's a 13 reasons why fanfic, but you'll have to wait next week to know what it's about exactly. Any guess? All I can tell you is that it's not going to be a happy one.


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